Chapter Text
From an outsider’s perspective, Klavier Gavin had plenty of reasons to take revenge on one Apollo Justice. After all, the defence attorney had tanked Klavier’s music career, cast doubt on his prosecuting ability, sent his best friend to jail, and convicted his brother of murder twice , all in the span of a single year. It wouldn’t exactly surprise anyone if Klavier was trying to jeopardise some of Apollo’s cases or if he was plotting Apollo’s death in secret.
Well, for better or for worse, Klavier simply wasn’t the type. In fact, most vengeful prosecutors refused to contemplate murder like normal people. Franziska von Karma preferred to deliver justice through performative cracks of the whip while Miles Edgeworth fantasised about it privately through the use of custom-made chess sets. Klavier, too, seemed to have developed his own unconventional form of revenge, a method just as ingenious and just as cruel — flirting.
“Are you sure you aren’t just being dramatic, Polly?” Trucy asked when Apollo brought it up on their way to their newest crime scene.
“He winks at me twice as much as he does at you.”
“But why does that have to be a bad thing?”
“Because he’s trying to humiliate me!” Apollo said with a huff. “He wants to flirt with me during work so I get thrown off and embarrass myself.”
Trucy bit her lip. “I don’t know about that. From my experience, Mr Gavin has always been super nice.”
“To you, maybe. You’re not the one who’s been given an insulting nickname.”
“And here I thought Herr Forehead had grown on you!” Trucy said. “Anyway, I’m sure Mr Gavin would back off if you just told him you were feeling uncomfortable. Have you tried talking to him about it?”
At that, Apollo muttered something about magic props strewn over the Wright Anything Agency’s floor, effectively shutting down the conversation. In truth, he didn’t really know why he hadn’t spoken to Klavier about it, but he was sure there was some rational reason. For one, Klavier could easily mock Apollo for being so affected by his advances. Alternatively, and this was more likely, he might fix Apollo with those sad eyes of his and make Apollo feel as if he was taking yet another thing from Klavier. And no matter how annoying Klavier might be, Apollo certainly didn’t want that.
The pub where the crime had taken place was stained with blood. A circle of knives had been thrust into the floorboards, each one holding a single poker card. Ema’s outline of the victim’s hand had been cut off at the left thumb, with a detached white oval shape drawn a few metres away. In other words, it was a regular Thursday for the Wright Anything Agency.
“Hallo, Herr Forehead!” Klavier’s smile was as charming and effervescent as ever, which meant that it was only slightly less inappropriate for a crime scene than his flashy magenta jacket. Behind him, Ema nodded in greeting, hurling a snackoo at Klavier’s head just for the sake of it. Klavier seemed too focused on heading towards Apollo to notice.
Apollo scowled in response, readying himself for another bout of flirting. He could feel Trucy’s smile already.
“Prosecutor Gavin,” Apollo said with a nod.
Klavier pouted. “No need to be so cold, Forehead. Call me Klavier. Everyone does.”
“Not true, fop,” Ema said. “I certainly don’t.”
“Ach, but that’s because you have an affectionate nickname for me. It’s just like how Fraulein Trucy calls Forehead ‘Polly’, ja?”
Ema recoiled. “Hell no. We will never be like them.”
“I think we will!”
“Over all my dead bodies.”
Trucy leaned towards Klavier, smiling sweetly. “If Polly doesn’t want to, can I call you Klavier, Mr Gavin?”
“Natürlich, Fraulein.” Klavier looked at Apollo hopefully. “Perhaps this could motivate you to call me Klavier too, Forehead?”
“No.”
“A nickname to match mine, then?”
“What about the nickname ‘Prosecutor Gavin’?”
Klavier sighed. “I suppose there’s no way to appeal to your better feelings, huh? No matter, I’ll simply come up with enough nicknames for the both of us, mein liebling.”
With that, Klavier shot Apollo a wink, eliciting a blush from him. It had been like this for months. Klavier would flirt with Apollo in German, as if Apollo didn’t have Google Translate or Athena to interpret his words. He’d do it at the most inappropriate moments, especially when the two of them were in court, usually accompanied by some sort of inane guitar solo. Apollo figured that it was some sort of sick joke, some way of mocking Apollo for any potential attraction to Klavier. Like Apollo could ever be attractive enough to gain the attention of someone like him.
Today, though, things were different. Today, instead of sighing at Klavier’s remarks as she always did, Ema laughed. Even more horrifyingly, she came up to Klavier and willingly tapped him on the shoulder. The rest of the group reeled away in fright.
“What the actual f- heck, Ema?” Apollo said, trying to spare Trucy the profanity.
“Yeah, what the fuck?” Trucy said. “That was so scary.”
“Aren’t you afraid of catching my… glimmerous-ness, Fraulein?” Klavier said. “Not that I’m actually glimmerous, of course. That would be ridiculous.”
“Shut up, all of you,” Ema said. “I just wanted to remind the fop here that a married man shouldn’t flirt with other people.”
It took a few moments for Ema’s words to sink in. In that time, Klavier’s face went stark white, Apollo’s face blazed with red, and Trucy fished out a bag of popcorn from her bloomers.
“Married?” Apollo shrieked with the full force of his chords of steel.
“It isn’t what it sounds like, Forehead,” Klavier said. “I can explain, I promise.”
“I don’t need you to explain it to me. I don’t care.” Even to his own ears, Apollo sounded bizarrely emotional. Klavier had gotten married? When? To whom? And why?
“Even so, I wish to explain to you what Fraulein Detective here has so cruelly misconstrued,” Klavier said with a sigh. “I’m not in a real marriage, I’m simply in a fake marriage.”
“A fake marriage?” Apollo exclaimed, his voice even more shrill.
“Klavier, when you’re explaining something, you shouldn’t give an answer that’s even more confusing,” Trucy said. “Maybe this will help.”
With that, she reached into her top hat and extracted a poster. Like the majority of Gavinners posters that Apollo had seen in the past, this poster had a picture of Klavier without his shirt on, his bronze skin gleaming with oil. That being said, while other posters typically put Klavier in exotic locations, this one captured Klavier in his home, with his newly adopted dog Vongole on the bed beside him. The poster’s title: We Gott Married — Marrying the Gott of Rock.
“Klavier’s starring in a month-long web series, Polly! Since his new album is coming out, his agency decided to film an eight episode series to help us get to know him better. Just a few weeks ago, a competition was held to select a lucky winner to be fake-married to Klavier for the next month so their dates can be uploaded onto YouTube. At the end of the series, Mr Klavier and the winner will decide whether to continue their relationship or call it quits. Isn’t that romantic?”
Apollo didn’t know how to express quite how horrified he was with the limited confines of the English language. “Seriously? Doing all that just for an album?”
“Well, did you know it existed before Fraulein Trucy mentioned the show?” Klavier asked.
Reluctantly, Apollo shook his head.
“Ja, that’s what my agent thought,” Klavier said. “I must say, it certainly wouldn’t be my first choice, but it’s definitely going to grab people’s attention. After what happened with the Gavinners, I need to do everything I can to make sure the fans are back on my side.”
At the mention of the Gavinners, Apollo felt a faint stab of guilt. “I guess you’re right.”
Klavier smiled. “Thank you for respecting my decision.”
As he looked away to avoid the brilliance of Klavier’s smile, Apollo realised that he had accidentally stepped in a pool of blood, and promptly forgot about the whole thing as he leapt to wipe his shoes on whatever was at hand (as it turned out, the evidence).
It was only late at night, as he was lying sadly on his bed, listening to M4M Your Boyfriend Gets Sappy ASMR, when Apollo remembered Klavier’s web series. He couldn’t wrap his head around it. Sure, he could understand why Klavier might want the publicity. He could even understand why Klavier might revel in the attention of his audience. But to the extent that he would fake romantic affection for someone? In front of an international audience of millions? Maybe it was a result of his own “unconventional” upbringing, but Apollo had never been one to give his affection so freely, even to those that deserved it. He couldn’t imagine giving it to someone he didn’t feel anything for, as if love was some sort of airy plaything to be toyed with. How could Klavier do something like that? How would he act? Would it be awkward and sweet, suave and charming, or, well, like how he teased Apollo?
Well, no matter how pathetic it would be for him to watch We Gott Married , it couldn’t be worse than listening to M4M ASMR.
The episode itself was easy to find. Trucy and Athena had both individually sent him the link, with Simon sending both the link and a timestamp for the shirtless scene, which was something he both didn’t need to know existed and would never discuss with Simon of all people. All Apollo had to do was to click on Trucy’s link and he was ready for a glimpse into the married life of famed rockstar Klavier Gavin.
The opening was just as cheesy as one might have expected. The camera began with a close-up of Klavier’s face and his smile, followed by increasingly playful close-ups of different parts of his body, like some sort of magical girl transformation. Against his will, Apollo was forced to acknowledge that the warm tone of Klavier’s skin did, in fact, look just as good on camera. At the end of the montage, Klavier shot the camera a wink — which made Apollo blush, damn it — before opening a door that led into his house.
Although Apollo had expected otherwise, the show started with an interview of Klavier’s contest winner, a singer with the stage name Gabe Forpei. It was pretty obvious that the guy in question was a plant by Klavier’s agency, probably one signed to them who was supposed to ride on Klavier’s coattails, but he seemed inoffensive enough. His hair was dark and curly and his eyes were a rich brown. While he didn’t appear to be particularly funny or interesting, he seemed easygoing and pleasant.
As he watched Gabe prepare for his date, Apollo almost felt like he was the one preparing for a date with Klavier, a prospect that embarrassed him to no end.
“I should probably wear this, shouldn’t I?” Gabe said, lifting a bright red tie to the camera lens.
“He probably should,” Apollo said to himself. “It looks great.”
“Oh, what am I saying? Of course I shouldn’t.” Gabe hurled the tie to the floor. “How could I wear such a garish colour to see Klavier Gavin?”
“I’ll have you know that Gavin of all people would be very appreciative of garish colours.” Apollo scowled at Gabe from across space and time. Unfortunately, stating a similarity between himself and Klavier felt like he was trying to justify some sort of superior compatibility between the two of them versus Gabe and Klavier, which made Apollo feel more than a little ridiculous.
Eventually, after Gabe spent an inordinate amount of time getting ready, he was driven to the place where he’d be meeting Klavier. Apparently, it was meant to be one of Klavier’s favourites. As he watched Gabe blabber about the pressure of dating Klavier, who was undoubtedly used to luxury treatment, Apollo realised that he agreed with every word. At the end of the day, Klavier had been a celebrity for a very long time. Anyone who dated him would have to handle the paparazzi, judgement, and the uncomfortable stiffness of living in constant luxury. He didn’t envy anyone who had to put up with all that to be with the person they loved.
To his surprise, instead of a five-star restaurant, the place Klavier had supposedly chosen was a cafe. Mahogany bookshelves lined the walls, with fairy lights bathing the room in a warm glow. Small succulents were placed on every table and the sound of soft jazz filled the room. The camera zoomed in on a figure pressed against a plush seat in the corner of the cafe, highlighting his wine-red sweater and the messy bun his hair had been pulled into. It was undoubtedly Klavier, but Klavier as Apollo had never seen before, not least because of the horn-rimmed glasses on his face, which would have reminded him of Kristoph if not for the earnestness Klavier’s face radiated.
“Hallo, Herr Gabe,” Klavier said.
“Hello, Klavier,” Gabe said. “I mean, Mr Gavin. Or should I go for Mr Klavier?”
“Cringe,” Apollo said to himself. He could not imagine anyone else he knew — not even Trucy — treating Klavier with such obsequious respect.
Klavier only laughed, taking Gabe’s awkwardness in stride. “It’s okay. Klavier is fine, liebling.”
Liebling? Apollo’s blood ran cold.
“Liebling? What does that mean?”
“It means darling in German,” Klavier said with a wink. “I hope you’re not opposed to pet names.”
The scene momentarily cut away to a confessional in which Gabe exclaimed, “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”
Apollo glared at the screen before him. “Oh my god is right.”
“Of course I’m fine with pet names… babe,” Gabe said bashfully.
“Gabe’s babe. It would be an honour, ja?”
Gabe giggled.
“I’m not watching this trash anymore,” Apollo said as he continued to watch the episode. “This sucks.”
After glancing briefly at the menu, Gabe quickly ordered what Klavier had already selected for himself, expressing his faith in Klavier’s taste. Apollo had never seen such a weak explanation for indecisiveness.
“So, Klavier, why did you arrange to meet me here?” Gabe said. “Do you come here often?”
“No need to use your lines on me, Herr Gabe. I’m already yours!”
Gabe laughed. “Seriously, though, this cafe is pretty unexpected. I thought you were probably going to bring me to some sort of five-star restaurant.”
“Ah, is that what you would have preferred?” Klavier played with a stray lock of his hair, looking strangely vulnerable.
“Not at all. I just wanted to know why you chose this place, seriously.”
“Oh, it’s nothing, really. I guess I’ve always found fame a little overwhelming and I thought that between the cameras and the fans, you’d feel a little unmoored too. I just wanted to make this as comfortable as possible for you. I didn’t want to be the thing that added more stress to this experience for you.”
Gabe reached out and grasped one of Klavier’s hands. “Klavier, you could never be a stressor for me.”
“That’s very kind of you, schatz, but it’s just not true. Even if I wasn’t a rockstar, there are parts of me that must get annoying at times. That’s how it is for everyone, ja? This was my way of showing you that I’m not just a celebrity, I’m also a normal person. If there ever is anything you’re uncomfortable with as we shoot this programme, feel free to tell me and I’ll make it stop.”
Not just a celebrity? Apollo rolled his eyes. Bold words for someone to say while his personal life was being recorded.
But still, he could feel the threads of sincerity in Klavier’s voice. Klavier’s eyes were bright with conviction as he stared at Gabe, much like the gaze he had whenever they faced off in court. The bracelet on Apollo’s wrist remained loose and cold. Klavier was genuinely being a good partner, damn him.
“That means a lot to me, Klavier,” Gabe said. “Thank you for being so understanding.”
The more Apollo watched the episode, the more the way Klavier treated Gabe reminded Apollo of the way Klavier treated him. The pet names and jokes, the attentive way he listened to Gabe’s stories, the compliments he shot Gabe’s way — it couldn’t be more familiar.
A part of Apollo was delighted at the thought that Klavier treated him like a lover, but the more rational part of him, the one that he’d always counted on, knew the truth. If Klavier really was serious about Apollo, he would never have agreed to go on a program like this, and he definitely wouldn’t be able to treat a stranger with the same amount of tenderness he treated Apollo with. If watching the show had confirmed anything for Apollo, it was that Klavier definitely didn’t have any interest in him.
For some reason, even though Apollo had always known this, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Perhaps he’d grown too accustomed to the knowing look in Trucy’s eyes whenever she caught the two of them talking to each other, the little smile she would send Apollo’s way, as if she knew something he didn’t.
With a sigh, Apollo put his phone away. One thing was for sure — no one else could know that he’d watched the show. He didn’t think he could bear the humiliation.