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Jongin wasn’t scared with the noise, just lifted his eyes in the Direction it had come from and saw Kyungsoo, who was dropping a rusted blue and yellow can over the coffee table.
—Found this at the office, it should help with your elbow pains. —Kyungsoo said as he stood in front of Jongin who looked between Kyungsoo’s face and the can on the table. He had a black grease stain on his cheek.
Jongin had his legs crossed while sitting on the white couch, working on his holographic tablet. His left arm was draped over the coffee table, open while his wires were exposed, and pieces were scattered. His circuits were showing and Kyungsoo could easily see how they needed an update. Wiring wasn’t so expensive a couple years ago, but now, they were far from being able to replace all Jongin would need.
—WD? Really? —Jongin questioned as he took the can from the table with his other hand, inspecting it.
—Well, back in the old days they used to say that it could fix anything that should be moving but wasn’t. —Kyungsoo shrugged, sitting by the kitchen counter on a high bench. —If you prefer the fancy expensive lubricants, you can save your own money to get them.
Jongin chose to not argue with that. Kyungsoo would be right anyways, and lubricants were indeed too expensive, even though he knew, that in the end of the day, Kyungsoo would eventually buy him some for Christmas or his birthday. He wouldn’t admit, but Jongin was happy Kyungsoo was usually right about those things.
Kyungsoo was holding a coffee mug, and an instruction manual. The mug, he would lead up to his nose, inhale the scent and lower it.
—You know you can’t drink that. —Jongin said, going into the kitchen with his now perfect arm, as he typed codes on his wrist. —Why do you even bother brewing it?
—I’m aware I can’t, and I’m not drinking it. I’m just smelling it. —Kyungsoo replied, without moving his eyes from the manual, and raised the mug again. —Chanyeol said they’ll get another stomach soon, a more resistant one. They’re just tweaking it a little.
Jongin stopped moving on his wrist for a couple moments, looking at Kyungsoo, who still stared at the manual. He knew Kyungsoo wasn’t reading it anymore, he was just waiting for Jongin to react to what he had said.
He didn’t know if he could see Kyungsoo entering that surgery room once again. He trusted Chanyeol, and all the technological advances the company they worked for had reached but seeing him go through all that process again as too painful. However, he also knew that of all the many problems they both had, this was by far the worst one. Kyungsoo going through that, would be of lesser all evils.
—I know pretty well what that look means. —Kyungsoo said, and Jongin was a bit startled. —You know better than anyone that I need this upgrade, so I can live.
Yeah, Jongin knew.
— Yeah, I know. —He smiled, sadly. His arm still needed a little tweaking, but it was good enough to reach out to Kyungsoo and touch his face, so they looked at each other. —I’m just worried, as usual.
Kyungsoo felt the warm touch on his face and his eyes grew larger, surprised. Both his hands reached for Jongin’s hand, pulling it in between his own.
—You, did it? —He asked in a whisper, looking down at the hand in his own
—Well, I spent all night fixing it. The hinge was the last thing. —Jongin answered, smiling, and moving his hand so he would hold Kyungsoo’s, their fingers tangling.
Few times had he seen Kyungsoo express his feelings so gently. Jongin didn’t miss the tears streaming down his face, and he felt it on his fingertips as well when he wiped them off his cheeks. This was a rare moment, from someone who always tried his best to keep a strong facade. It was adorable, seeing his nose, cheeks and even the tip of ears getting flushed.
—You’re leaking. —Jongin joked, before his body bent over the counter to kiss his pinkish cheek, and the tears that kept streaming down his face.
Kyungsoo hadn’t been able to feel the heat from Jongin’s hands in years. The electrical part was always out of stock, or a cable needed update before he did something, or the software was too expensive. There was always something in the way. He didn’t know he was missing it so much, until he felt it. It was not like he didn’t feel Jongin, but the warmth on his palm reminded him that they were still a little bit human, under all those wires.
Jongin had gone around the counter to engulf Kyungsoo in a warm hug, a much needed one. Neither could feel each other’s hearts beating, but it was unnecessary. Long ago they had forgotten the meaning of a beating heart. They didn’t need one to be alive, neither to be in love with one another.
≎
Kyungsoo turned the luminosity on his eyes just as he entered the lab. Everything was all too white for how own taste, and his settings were usually too affected by the amount of light everything around him would emit.
—So, how did he react? —Chanyeol asked, as he sat next to Kyungsoo by his lab counter, just to be pushed away gently right after.
—Concerned, but comprehensive. As usual. —Kyungsoo said without showing much emotion on his voice, as he looked around his drawers for his gloves. When he found them, he quickly put them on the correct way.
—And how have your updates have been feeling? —The taller one continued to talk, grabbing his holo tablet to type. His free hand grabbed one of Kyungsoo’s ears to inspect it, and the latter
—Well, the ringing is gone. —Kyungsoo mentioned, starting to touch components on his desk. —I have been able to hear lower frequencies as well now. —He went on, eventually stopping what he was doing so the latter could examine him better.
Chanyeol was one of many geniuses that allowed people like Kyungsoo and Jongin to continue their lives. Kyungsoo was one off those geniuses as well, and so was Jongin, but few were as enthusiastic about their jobs as Chanyeol was.
He didn’t even have altered parts, there wasn’t a single organic organ on his body missing. Not even a nail, or hair. He was fully organic. A rarity at this day and age. He was one of the few organic ones, and one of the fewer that took off of his life to try to make other people feel more like him.
—I know it’s not my place to ask but… —Chanyeol said, as he let go of Kyungsoo’s head, to look at his tablet. —Jongin still has those nightmares?
He meant the bombs. Where Jongin lost 30% of his body, and 90% of his family.
Kyungsoo’s response was obvious. Those nightmares would never go away, they were an unchangeable part of who Jongin was now, and what he had lost. All of them, had lost.
For example, Kyungsoo had lost just as much if not more. He had no family, never had. All he knew from before he met Jongin, was a man he was only allowed to call “Doctor” and two nurses that gave him smiles and hidden candy. He grew up in a lab, being mostly synthetic, but still somehow biological. The only thing on his entire body that was proven to be natural, was his brains. Nothing else.
—Jongin sent me a message about you giving him WD for his elbow? —Chanyeol mentioned, trying to lighten up the mood. —Even if that’s practical, it’s not the best idea…
Kyungsoo pulled his fake, thin framed, round glasses away from his face and rested them on the counter, looking up to Chanyeol who stood at his side.
—You know we don’t make enough money for the expensive ones. —Chanyeol opened his mouth to speak but was stopped by Kyungsoo’s raised palm. —I’m not taking from the lab storage. It’s not right.
—I’m the boss here. —Chanyeol sighed and dug his lab coat’s pockets for a transparent key, tossing it to Kyungsoo. —And I am saying that you can grab how many cans you need. —He proceeded to type something on his tablet, and shortly after shoving it under his own arm.
—They are aware you will. Just grab them on your way out… Now, just please only use them on electrical and metallic parts, not for other stuff.
Before Kyungsoo could complain about the comment, Chanyeol got away from him, with his long strides and song whistling. He could have gone after him, but he was fine with just quietly smiling as he held the card and a note attached to it with the brand he should get. It really was the most expensive one on the market. Just a small amount would ensure Jongin wouldn’t get stiff joints for at least a year. So, he silently tried to make a mental note, to just thank the universe for the friends he had made though his life.
≎
As soon as Jongin got home, he could smell cake. Chocolate. Jongin knew chocolate cake meant Kyungsoo was happy, even if they never made a verbal connection, it was a sign they would share more hugs and kisses than usual.
—Let me guess... —Jongin hugged Kyungsoo from behind, as he plated the beautifully baked cake over the counter. —The new cornea prototype was a success, and now you have extra money to get us a magnetic floating car.
Kyungsoo smiled, turning himself on Jongin’s embrace. Their eyes locked, and Kyungsoo’s oven-mitten covered hands touched his neck.
—My stomach is ready. —He whispered, his smile shining even brighter. He still noticed how Jongin tried to hide his own worry. —I know it hasn’t been long since my last surgery, but this is important to me. —He said while getting rid of one of his mittens, to touch Jongin’s face with his hand.
—It’s just that... —Jongin took a deep breath. —Your last surgery was so complicated. —Jongin held tighter to Kyungsoo’s waist as he looked deeply into his eyes. —I know that that’s the best or you, but I get worried anyways…
Kyungsoo took his time to rest his ear at Jongin’s chest, hands drawing circles on his back. Deep inside, he was also scared. He had gone through countless surgeries during his life, some that did very well, some that didn’t. Kyungsoo went though many different situations, but never felt the urge to stop trying to get even better.
A new stomach wasn’t urgent. His current one could process basic food, still distributed well everything as it should. However, Kyungsoo still didn’t feel complete. He wanted the coffee, because Jongin’s coffee was horrible, and still was what made him smile every day, first thing in the morning. Kyungsoo knew that if he exposed what he felt, the reasoning behind the new stomach, Jongin would call him a fool and convince Chanyeol to postpone the surgery. So, he just repeated that he needed it, that it hurt. Because, in some way, it did hurt.
—Will you be there? —Kyungsoo whispered against his chest, the desire to cry tying a knot on his throat.
Jongin grabbed his shoulders, pushing them apart. He looked at him, his partner, boyfriend, fiancé, and smiled.
—I always will. —He muttered, and they hugged again, strong as they were calibrated to. Jongin wanted to hide Kyungsoo on his arms forever, to hug all trouble away, but when he couldn’t, he trusted that the universe would bring him back to his arms again.
Even if was used to all procedures, Kyungsoo was still taken by nervousness and anxiety whenever he dressed the hospital robe. It was like an automatic response, a trauma he could not erase from his brain.
—2147, October 27. —Jongin said, pointing his camera to Kyungsoo, who didn’t look at his direction. He could film everything with his eyes, but always preferred the beauty of a vintage, handheld camera, even with lower resolution. —Are you ready to go back to drinking my coffee?
Kyungsoo lifted his face with a forced smile and nodded. Noticing his lack of enthusiasm, Jongin turned the camera off, and sat besides Kyungsoo, one of his hands at his back.
—If you want to give up now, there’s no problem. —Jongin muttered, rubbing soothing, warm, circles on his back. —My coffee sucks anyways…
Kyungsoo laughed, and that alone made him feel better.
—I want to try your terrible coffee. —Kyungsoo said, head resting on Jongin’s shoulder. —And drink lemonade. —He said in a more excited tone. —I had forgotten how good lemonade feels in the summer! —A short laugh made his body shake. His hand found Jongin’s, squeezing it tight.
≎
Chanyeol promised everything would be fine. Jongin had trusted Kyungsoo’s life into his hands so many times before. Everything would be fine. His hands shook as he watched Kyungsoo be taken away to surgery. He forced a smile, even if Kyungsoo couldn’t see him anymore, and held it until he no longer could see him. His legs were weak and mind racing. It was almost as if his heart was racing, even if he didn’t have one.
So, he went home. There was no use being there, and probably soon enough Chanyeol would show up to complain with him and send him home, like he had done so many times before. Jongin went home silently, taking the floating train on that cloudy day, ignoring all the noise around him.
Almost home, he stopped by a little shop. It was run by a sweet old lady with her organic orange cat that slept over the counter. He went in, browsed, and bought a mug. It would be a new one, so he could experience his shitty coffee on a pretty cup. It was handmade by the lady, and much more expensive than a regular mug, but it would be special.
Jongin got home, set the mug over the counter, and lied on the couch, eyes closing. His mind was still racing, his organic foot tingling.
He could still hear his sisters pained breathing. Could remember her face, or what was left of it. He remembered, the last breath, the scared eye, the warm of the blood covering him. It was so fast, so surprising. In a second they discussed how they wanted a new puppy for his birthday, on the following second, he wasn’t even sure he could reach that day. He felt like crying again, because he missed her, and because he never got to adopt a new puppy.
Jongin jumped off of the couch, ears ringing, eyes unfocused. His heavy breathing slowly got back to normal, dormant foot slowly being pumped with more blood as he got up. It was night already, and his phone rang. Jongin pushed himself up to pick it up in the kitchen. It was automatic, turning on the coffee pot as he entered the kitchen after waking up.
The phone was against his ear as he heard Chanyeol’s voice, the explaining, the detailing of every part of the surgery. It was normal. Three days of rest, it was much less than what they had anticipated. It was a success. Jongin thanked Chanyeol, invited him for lunch and with the brightest smile possible, as the coffee pot behind him beeped, Jongin said.
—When he’s up, let him know coffee is ready.