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Upon being captured by the other side during the Archon War, you had prepared for the worst.
They had discovered your affinity for purification and healing, however, and found a use for you—calming the karmic debt within the Yakshas, albeit temporarily. Whether that was soothing their minds and wounds, allowing them to strike you, or... you didn't want to think about it.
However, people died in war, and the Yaksha population dwindled until there were five, then four, then three, then two... and then one. Xiao, the Conqueror of Demons and the Vigilant Yaksha, was the only of his kind still breathing.
You wished it was someone else. Anyone else. Because out of all the Yakshas, Xiao was the worst offender. Maybe it was because of his time as a prisoner of war, or maybe he just hated you. To Xiao, you were not a person. You were a source of calm in the havoc that was his life and karmic debt, and he'd take advantage of it whenever he could.
Upon first learning of your new residence amongst his people, Xiao had quickly sought you out. You noticed his karma raging around him and wondered whether he had come for temporary purification, only to shriek in pain as his fist collided with your face. As it turned out, Xiao had a mean right hook.
You had no idea how you survived his rage. By the end of it, you were bruised and bleeding, and he had broken at least five different bones, three of which were shattered ribs. You would have choked to death on your own blood if Rex Lapis hadn't found you and brought you to a healer (since you were in no shape to heal yourself).
Though Rex Lapis had expressed his disappointment in Xiao for almost killing you, he never officially banned the Yakshas from physically harming you. Upon learning of what Xiao had done, the others had taken his actions as permission. To this day, you flinched at the mere sight of discontent of Xiao's face, but at least you had built up a resistance to pain.
The day that the Yaksha Bosacius took the last part of you that the Yakshas hadn't touched—your virginity—was the day that Xiao's demeanor towards you changed. He was still violent, and he still hurt you for no other reason than because he could, but after he was done striking you, his touches lingered. They became softer, and each time, you braced yourself for the day he'd take you right then and there, where everyone could see it.
However, he never went that far.
Not until he was the last living Yaksha, at least.
Because that bastard Rex Lapis gave you to him, like you were a possession rather than a person. He told Xiao that you were his to do whatever he wished with, probably to keep him from killing himself. Jokes on Rex Lapis—Xiao never wanted to die. He wanted to be normal, to free himself of his karmic debt and live out his days as a mortal. But of course that wasn't possible, so he had to make do with using you to keep himself sane.
Such as now, for example. Back during the Archon War, you never thought you'd see the day where Xiao let himself be vulnerable in front of you, but here he was.
He had found you humming to yourself as you picked a Sunsettia off of a tree and proceeded to practically tackle you to the ground. You had barely had any time to mourn your lost snack before he balled his fists in your dress, falling limp as he whispered an urgent, "Fix it."
Pinned to the earth on your back, you had reached out for the karmic debt wracking his body, soothing its rage and ensuring it wouldn't bother him for a while. He had let go of your dress in favor of wrapping his arms around you, burying his face in your chest. You had flushed red at his boldness before realizing that he was really out of it and therefore probably unaware of what he was doing.
At least, that's what you had told yourself.
Because you had heard him mumbling into your chest. He likely thought you couldn't hear him, but he had been incorrect in that assumption, because you had clearly heard him say, "Have to do it... Have to make you mine."
***
It had been months since that day. He couldn't procrastinate forever. You both knew it, even if he was unaware that you did.
Still, you never expected him to make his move while you were sleeping.
You woke up to pain in your hips. Upon cracking open an eye, you realized that the pain came from the death grip Xiao's hands had on them. You groaned at the sting, which was enough to grab his attention. He froze in place and silently stared at you, eyes wide and face flushed, as you snapped to attention, trying and failing to get away from him because oh gods he was already inside you.
"I... I didn't expect you to wake up this time," Xiao mumbled. "Just... don't move. At all."
"Wait, wait, wait," you were stuck on a specific few words. "'This time?'"
Xiao was never one to lie, so he revealed his hand easily. "Zhongli gave me this medicine to put in your tea so you'd sleep through this. I didn't think you'd develop a resistance to it."
Ah, Zhongli. Rex Lapis's mortal form, now that the old bastard had finally kicked the bucket. You inwardly cursed him. Ever since he gave you to the Yakshas, he'd brought nothing but trouble to your life. When would he finally give you a break? Likely never. That wasn't how he operated.
"So... hnn," you couldn't suppress a soft keen as Xiao shifted on top of you, his cock brushing against some spot inside of you that triggered a spark of pleasure. "Let me get this straight. You've... you've been drugging me? How long has this been going on?!"
"A few months now, " Xiao admitted. His gaze hardened, and he leveled a glare at you that he knew would scare you into submission. "Now shut up. I'm not done with you."
Your protests were cut off as he snapped his hips forward, the force of it rocking your entire body into the headboard of your bed. He was doing this in your bed. While you were asleep, and therefore unable to fight back.
For these past few months, you thought he was putting off the inevitable. Now you knew he had been following through on his word the whole time. It hurt. It really did. You never trusted Xiao, but before this, every time he had hurt you was done when you were awake and aware. Now he was doing it when you weren't, too.
You began to sob, lifting your wrist to your mouth and biting down to suppress the sounds. Xiao didn't seem to care, fucking into you with a new vigor that pushed your body to its limit. You found no pleasure in this, not when you were being roughly fucked with no preparation. You knew you had a faster healing factor than most, but you didn't think it was quick enough to hide the evidence of this hellish treatment.
Xiao pulled out of you before he could finish, thankfully, but now that you were awake, he could demand more from you.
He yanked your limp body forward, uncaring of how you fell on top of the sheets with no support. He grabbed your wrist, wrapping your shaky fingers around his cock, and growled, "Fix it."
You struggled to brace an arm beneath you so you could at least see what you were doing, and Xiao seemed to finally register your predicament. He glowered down at you before grabbing your bunched-up nightgown and pulling you towards him, turning slightly so you could brace your body on his shoulder. With the extra assistance, you could finally begin moving your hand, wincing at the feeling of what little slick had accumulated being spread on his cock by your own fingers.
Luckily, it didn't take much for Xiao to come, bucking roughly into your hand. You winced at the feeling of his come on your skin, but he either didn't notice or didn't care enough to address it.
"Why...?" You couldn't finish the sentence. This... this hurt more than anything else he could do or had done.
Xiao didn't respond to your question, but he did pull you against him and say, "I think I prefer this when you're awake."
***
After that night, Xiao preyed on you at all hours of the day. You had lost track of how many times he had hunted you down and taken you right in the open, where anyone could see you. He was always too rough, and never bothered to prep you properly. You had never once gotten off because of him—you always had to handle that yourself.
However, your body began anticipating him. It produced enough lubrication on its own. Based on your extensive knowledge of anatomy and the body, you knew this to be impossible of mortals. For as long as you could remember, you had been told that your body was anatomically identical to a mortal's, just more durable with an abnormally high healing factor. But this wasn't something that a mortal could do. Perks of being a god, you supposed, though no one had called you such a thing in quite some time.
But back to the point. Your body had trained itself to handle Xiao. You did not like what that said about you.
You hadn't touched a Sunsettia nor tea since you learned about the drugs, not wanting to think about the day you learned of his motives nor what may be slipped into your drink... or your food... or just shoved down your throat. You no longer ate anything that Xiao so much as looked at, and he didn't like that. The amount of times Xiao had locked you in his Domain and deprived you of food just so you'd eat in front of him... It was terrifying, to say the least.
And then there were the moments where he was disturbingly gentle with you, offering to help you and pulling you into loving embraces that were just so out of character for him. You knew he wanted to be normal, but...
Wait.
No.
No, no no.
He wanted a normal life with you. He was trying to be domestic! He was failing, of course, but that was the intent! Just the thought of it made you sick. You had to shut this down before it could continue any longer. After everything he put you through... You couldn't do it. You couldn't pretend to be okay with this.
And with that, you steeled yourself for your next encounter with Xiao.
Time to nip this delusion in the bud.
***
When Xiao next approached you, you took a deep breath and spoke.
"Xiao." Your serious tone seemed to spark something in him, because he immediately straightened and met your weary gaze.
"I know what you're doing, Xiao," you sighed. "Trying to be domestic. Trying to prove to both of us that you love me. It's not going to happen."
"I do love you," Xiao replied, ignoring the rest of your words.
"Xiao." You spoke louder this time. He stiffened even more. You weren't sure if that was a good or a bad sign. "This attempt at normalcy needs to stop. It's not working. After everything you've done... Why would you ever think I'd love you? Make it make sense."
Xiao's eyes hardened, and you knew you'd fucked up. You pushed on anyways. Might as well get it all out in the open, right?
"For millennia, I've remained here with you and your gods. But not of my own violation, Xiao. Not only would Rex Lapis kill me if I fled, I also don't have anywhere to go," you said, letting millennia of frustration bubble to the surface. "I've been used and abused by your kind for all that time, and you, Conqueror of Demons—" you hissed out the moniker through bared teeth. "Are and have been by far the worst offender. You have done nothing but hurt me and take advantage of the fact that I can't do anything about it. So stop this folly. It won't work. It'll never work."
Xiao was silent, his face blank, but the way his posture shifted into a stance promising hell on Teyvat revealed his true feelings on this matter.
"I don't think you understand how little power you have," he said slowly, each word slicing into your confidence like a blade. "You don't get a choice. You were given to me, not the other way around."
"I'm a person," you growled as you leveled a glare at him—the first in all your years of knowing him. He did not seem to appreciate the aggression, because he lunged forward, pinning you against a tree with a hand against your throat. You were lucky he hadn't yet cut off your airflow.
"A person you may be," Xiao snarled. "But, first and foremost, you are mine." And he tore your dress, shredding it and leaving you bare save for your undergarments. He shredded those too, leaving you bare before him.
"Xiao, stop—" you cried, but he cut you off.
"No. You need a reminder of who, exactly, is in charge here!" he snarled at you, moving a leg between yours and drawing an unwilling whine out of you. With a sudden series of movements, you were sprawled out on the grass, wincing at the sting of the impact. Xiao descended on you before you could blink, and you cried out as you were struck across the face—a hit not dissimilar to the right hook you had received upon your first meeting with Xiao.
"Xiao..." you whispered, voice pathetic as the memories from the War you had tried so hard to forget all came flooding back. You could feel the beginnings of a panic attack coming on, and he was just getting started on you.
"Xiao!" you cried as he pulled you on top of him, body instinctually reacting to his touch. You could handle him under normal circumstances, sure, but not with a panic attack coming on like this! "Xiao, stop! I can't do this today! Stop!"
"You don't give orders around here," he snapped as he sunk his teeth into the side of your neck. You cried out in pain, struggling to get away from him and the panic began to set in. Tears began running down your face as you hyperventilated, thrashing in his grip and nearly tearing your throat open on his teeth. You wished you had. You wished you'd die, right here, right now. Maybe it would teach Xiao a lesson on how not to treat people he wanted close.
Xiao seemed to notice your panic, but he didn't give you much leniency other than pulling away from your neck and softening his grip slightly. You knew he'd leave bruises anyway—he always did, even when he promised to be gentle. Gentle wasn't a word in Xiao's vocabulary, anyways. He had no idea what that even entailed.
You still struggled, even as your unwilling arousal became more apparent. Xiao must have felt it, because he roughly bucked his hips up, probably in an attempt to shut you up. You gasped, staring down at him with wide, panicked eyes. Despite all the signs of a panic attack, he was still going to fuck you.
"Shut the hell up!" he yelled, and you cried even harder in response. "You don't get to back out of this now. This is a lesson you need to learn!"
You pushed against him with trembling hands, but he held firm, fingers digging into the space between your shoulder blades. You gasped for air, struggling to breathe through your panic and tears. He did nothing except continue to grind up against you, humiliating you further. You wheezed out a sigh of relief when he stopped moving his hips, only to feel cold fear creep down your spine as he pulled his cock out.
Moving his grip on you from your chest to your hips, Xiao positioned you above his cock and met your eyes. "Fix it," he said, voice deceptively calm.
With a burning face and teary eyes, you slowly sank down on his cock, taking his whole length inside of you. He let out a pleasured hiss at the feeling. You stayed still, trying to figure out what, exactly, he wanted from you.
Apparently you took too long, because he snapped, "For too long, I've been putting in all the work. Now it's your turn. You do it."
Your panic returned, but you shoved it down and took a deep breath, bracing your hands on Xiao's shoulders as you lifted your hips, eyes screwed shut. You forced yourself to remain calm as you shakily rode him. It had been a while since you had last done such a thing—centuries, actually—so you were a bit out of practice and probably far too slow for Xiao's liking, but he was quiet save for a near-silent moan every once in a while.
Eventually, though, he got impatient, just like he usually did whenever it came to you. With his hands on your hips, Xiao suddenly slammed you down, bucking up simultaneously. You shrieked, caught off guard, but he wasn't deterred.
"You're too slow," Xiao said between heavy breaths, pulling out just to shove you on the ground. Vulnerable on your back, you fought off even more panic, terrified for your life at this point. Was this the day where he finally killed you? He was certainly angry enough for it.
You cried out again as he thrusted into you again, this time setting a brutal pace that had you scrabbling for purchase in the dirt. Despite the sting of his nails digging into your hips and the terror chilling your bones, you felt what was undoubtedly a climax steadily building—your first ever with Xiao.
“I—I can’t—close—“ you screamed as you came for the first time, clenching down on his cock as your back arched off of the ground. Xiao made some kind of primal sound in response, practically feral in his satisfaction.
“You’re mine, (Y/N)!” he snarled, snapping his hips forward and coming inside of you—another first. You winced at the feeling, wondering if this could result in a child. Probably not, considering the use and abuse you went through through the millennia. But, then again, you were a god, though only in body. Not in mind, nor soul.
You’d never be a god.
But you’d always belong to Xiao.