Chapter Text
Tony pulled his fingers back with a sharp hiss, as pain shot up his nerves, burning and tickling. He gave his hand a good shake to ease the pain off while cursing under his breath, before taking a closer look at the damaged skin. He cursed once again, just to make himself feel better, before tending the fragile construct of copper wire and circuits again- never mind a little burn!
Improving his Iron man suits had always been delicate work and the billionaire had gotten used to burns of various degrees as well as bumps and bruises in every possible shade of black, blue and purple.
“Dummy- hey, Dummy, focus, will ya! Soldering iron, please.” Stark instructed the apologetic peeping robot to hold mentioned tool exactly over the pointed place, while Tony himself used both of his hands to apply tiny magnets with solder.
“That’s the spirit, good boy” he praised after adjusting the last piece and stretched his sore back. He’d been crunched over his workbench for the last three hours or so he believed, until a short glance at his watch belied his assumption.
There would be hell to listen to, once he’d finally crawled out of his workshop. He knew exactly that Steve would lecture him by every trick in the book. His lover came to terms with his self-destructive habits and chronic insomnia, but that didn’t mean that he approved of any.
Tony heaved a sigh.
“Butterfingers, Dummy, do me a favour and clean this up…” Tony ordered, already turning to leave behind the mess he’d created within the last seven hours. Most importantly, he felt the desperate carving for a big cup of coffee, the need of a shower being only secondary, although he was covered in motor oil and dust.
The engineer left his workshop and used one of the many elevators to reach the higher stories of the Stark tower, strolling into a deserted kitchen shortly afterwards. The windows’ glass reflected the dimly lit scenery within the room for it was still pitch black outside, the sun not about to rise yet.
Tony stopped to watch his own, clearly exhausted form in one of the windows.
Silence pressed down on him while guilt started to spread in his chest for he remembered how he’d disappeared in his workshop almost seven hours ago, leaving an unsettled Steve behind, with nothing but the weak excuse of the burning need to relieve himself in the bathroom.
The billionaire turned away from his reflection to fetch a cup of leftover coffee, the liquid being already cold, and its bitter taste insulted his taste buds when he absentmindedly took a gulp.
He faced his own reflection again, the coffee cup clenched in his hands. There he stood, in the middle of the night, and stared into the eyes of the man he had to life with every day. He tried to get a glimpse underneath the façade, behind the challenging look in those brown eyes, but he saw nothing. So in the end he just stared while time ticked away, eying his own appearance one time and focusing on the deep asleep city the other times.
Silence kept his company, while the darkness felt the light and at one point, JARVIS deactivated the lamps in the kitchen, for the sun had risen over New York’s skyline and lit the room tentatively.
A hand settled on Tony’s shoulder while another one reached around his stomach. Startled and ripped out of the sweet nothingness that had filled his mind, Tony turned his head, just to come face to face with a certain blond he’d abandoned the day before without so much as a warning.
Now, blue eyes caught his gaze and didn’t let go for they seemed to search for an answer. Steve sighed, although having come to terms with Tony’s escape already.
“Just going to the bathroom, wasn’t it?” he asked softly in the otherwise deadly silent kitchen. It took Tony less than a second to gain his usual self assurance.
“Well, I went there. But then I had this really groundbreaking idea how to improve the repulsors’ technology and I had to share it with JARVIS” Tony explained himself smoothly, offering shortly afterwards: “You could have joined me, you know.”
Steve shook his head disbelievingly. “Of course you had a groundbreaking idea. Think you can save them for more appropriate moments from now on?” Although the hurt wasn’t all too obvious in Steve’s voice, Tony caught on easily.
Truth was, he’d gotten afraid and Tony Stark didn’t get afraid. Starks were made of iron. So instead of telling Steve the truth when the lager male had hovered over him, all kisses and affection and love, Tony had opted for the run, because Tony Stark wasn’t good with feelings and if he trusted himself with anything, then it was fucking something this valuable up.
“I guess I can try” he promised without believing in it himself. And Steve easily saw through his lie.
“Sure you will.”
When neither of them said anything else, Steve nuzzled his nose into Tony’s neck, not missing how the latter got rigid in his hold. The Captain sighed inwardly.
It had been a few months now since Tony and him where in this kind of relationship, yet whenever he tried to bridge the gap separating them, Tony would retreat even farther. Slowly but surely, Steve got the impression of being unable to overcome whatever it was that stood between them.
He hummed low into the engineer’s neck, sucking in the dusty smell of motor oil and sweat. It did nothing to relax his lover who seemed the same on the edge as ever.
“You might wanna fetch a shower” Steve pointed out to the other but despite his words, he didn’t let go. Not yet. Just a little bit more-
“Yeah, great idea! Awesome! Right!” Tony sprang into action the very moment, wiggling out of Steve’s grip. “JARVIS, run the water!” he ordered overly excitedly, already fussing out of the room, leaving an utterly disappointed Captain America behind. Again.
When Tony re-entered the kitchen, the silence had been chased away by a bunch of utterly active Avengers, gossiping over the breakfast table.
Bruce tended a big cup of coffee, Romanov enjoyed a bowl of cereals soaked in cold milk and Clint – not sitting on the table like every civilized person – sat on the kitchen counter, his loud comments flying through the whole room, as he participated in the other’s conversation anyway.
Thor was the only one out of sight when Tony first set foot into the room, but soon turned out to hover over the toaster and was therefore occupied with the hard task of not breaking it.
Steve – sitting on the table with Romanov and Bruce – looked up upon Tony entering and his blue eyes’ gaze found Tony’s easily, holding more than words could ever express. Hurt and accusation or so Tony thought to read in his stare. The engineer looked away fast and decided on a face-splitting grin instead, always covering up his own insecurities.
“Good morning! Aw, birdbrain, it’s hard to wrap your mind around the purpose of chairs, isn’t it- Thor, I swear to God- well, to- ya know, a different God- if you break the toaster, I’ll invent one that will haunt you for nights to come, cross my heart!” Despite his threat Tony’s easygoing attitude never changed.
Thor solemnly gave him a strange look.
Out of the corner of his eyes, the billionaire caught Steve shaking his head ever so slightly and averting his gaze on his sandwich again, not commenting Tony’s behaviour. After all, there wasn’t much the soldier could have said in the presence of the other Avengers anyways, at least not without giving away their kind of relationship.
“Good morning to you too, Tony. Can’t be everyone a genius, can they?” Clint retorted pretty untouched by the other’s comment and shoved an unbelievable giant bite of his breakfast into his mouth. Tony watched him with a carefully chosen expression of slight disgust combined with something as close to awe as he could muster.
“Good to know that big mouth of yours is good for more than barking” Tony retorted smoothly, joining Thor in the kitchenette as he strolled over to the coffee machine. Barton answered with a snort, managing to spit a few words out, despite the big ball of food in his mouth he had to talk around.
“You are one to talk.”
Tony left it at that, pouring himself a cup of freshly brewed, hot coffee and enjoying the smell that filled his nostrils. Thor finished his fight with the toaster as the winning party and joined the Avengers at the kitchen table. In the background Tony heard him, Bruce and Natasha argue over something concerning Hulk-problems and at times, Hawkeye would meddle.
Tony stood – much like only few hours before – frozen to his spot, clenching his cup in his hands, staring at nothing in particular. The Avengers’ voices drowned out, leaving only the tick, tick, tick of his watch in the otherwise silent room.
“-ny. Hey, anyone still in there?” It was Steve’s voice that snapped him out of the surrealism the moment had held, dragging him back to reality.
He spun around, surprise carefully concealed with a big shit-eating grin.
“Yeah, sure, just thinking. I could invent a Thor-proof toaster” he answered smoothly, knowing that Steve already caught on to something being utterly wrong.
“Now that I’m thinking about it, it would be more a Thor-and-Captain-America-proof toaster. Although the market gap should be pretty small on this. I mean, who needs a toaster that could withstand the Chitauri, other than SHIELD maybe?”
Steve gave him a slightly annoyed look, wondering when the genius would ever stop talking bullshit – of course, he would never admit to using strong language, even in his thoughts – and just tell him what was wrong.
The soldier had to fight the desperate wish to go over to Tony and engulf him in a tight hug, not letting go, never letting go, and just holding the latter close, no matter the world around them. But the engineer would nowhere near appreciate the affection and then, there were the other Avengers, so oblivious to what had built between the two men. Bluntly said, there were a time and a place for everything, and now was neither the time nor the place to hold Tony close.
Steve settled for a grim expression. Tony didn’t even so much as eye him. The genius turned, obviously about to leave the kitchen.
“Well then, I have to share this stunning idea with JARVIS. Ya know, just call me if an emergency comes up. The usual” and with that being said, Tony left, beyond question making his way down to his workshop, where he would undoubtedly spent the next few hours in liberating silence.
“JARVIS, run all test available” Tony ordered the second he entered his workshop. He was greeted by a brief moment of silence, before the AI’s British accent filled the room.
“Run the tests on what, Sir?”
“On me. Something’s wrong with me. I’m spacing out more than normally and- I’m just not alright, got it?” he snapped slightly at JARVIS, feeling sorry the very instant the harsh words had left his mouth.
“Sorry, J. It’s just- that’s not me…” Tony concluded for lack of better explanation. He strolled over to his workbench, noticing satisfied that Dummy and Butterfingers had fulfilled their task of cleaning his mess up.
The engineer grabbed some tools, screwdrivers and copper wire and positioned them elsewhere, just to busy his hands while JARVIS ran the tests as ordered.
The results came back blank.
“There is no result of any test indicating that something is physically wrong with you, Sir. I’m sorry; I assume the problem lies elsewhere.”
“Elsewhere?” Tony stressed questioning.
“Correct, Sir. I may not be an exper-” JARVIS got interrupted by the workshop’s doors opening, exposing a grim, yet otherwise unreadable Steve.
Tony’s perfectly concealing façade slipped from his face only for a heartbeat, before he caught himself again and smiled brightly at the Cap.
“Told ya you could join me” he told the blond, busying his hands again with relocating tools that had been put away neatly by his robots.
Steve didn’t answer right away. He closed the distance between him and his lover with few steps, coming to a halt right in front of the smaller and looking down on him. “And so I did.”
A light-heartedly smile was still plastered over Tony’s face, but Steve noticed how the latter gulped visibly and the soldier’s heart sank into his stomach. He searched the engineer’s brown orbs for something- anything- unsure of what it even was he was looking for.
“And so I did.” Steve repeated, this time more forcefully. Tony flinched ever so slightly.
Steve took in Tony’s body language, not making much sense of his lover. Tony wasn’t all touchy-feely and stuff and Steve had noticed it soon into their relationship, but now it seemed they’d only drifted away farther instead of growing closer. Steve slowly but surely got tired of the other’s irritating behaviour.
Although he’d been really annoyed with the genius at first, he’d – just like all the other Avengers – soon learned to love Tony’s quirks as well as his absolute bothersome way of covering his true feelings up. But that was as long as he actually knew what was going on in the other’s head, as long as there was a way for him to catch a glimpse behind the mask. Now, Tony’s constant retreat was nothing but unnerving and Steve had had enough of chasing the fleeing billionaire.
“I said I did.” The Captain couldn’t keep his voice void of all the emotions he kept bottled up and a tiny hint of anger was delivered to Tony, who lifted his chin in a self-defending manner.
“Yeah, I can see that.”
Steve snorted, frustration now clearly visible on his face.
“Want to talk about yesterday? Or what happened in the kitchen earlier?”
Tony took a step back, bringing some distance between him and his lover, retreating from Steve.
“Oh that, I really was just thinking. You know, about- everything and nothing” the engineer was quick to reassure. Steve cut him off before he could ramble on.
“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about us.” The soldier enforced his statement by taking a step forward and leaning down.
His lips tasted Tony’s, his tongue brushing past smooth skin and it was moments like this that Steve knew why he was putting so much afford into this relationship. It was moments like this that his heart would beat like crazy and the warm – almost painfully hot – sensation would spread in his chest, all dark thoughts blown away.
Steve deepened the kiss, ignoring Tony going rigid again. The engineer seemed to freeze in place at first, but soon melted into the kiss, just like Steve wished he would melt in every touch- would accept, take, and give.
“See, everything’s alright.” Steve mumbled against his lover’s lips, before pulling away in favour of sucking in a much needed breath. Tony looked like he felt the same;
The billionaire didn’t answer, just stood and stared, stared at Steve, stared right through him.
“Now please, could you tell me what’s going on in that fascinating mind of yours?” The Captain almost pleaded, because there was nothing else he could do, other than to plead and hope Tony would tell him.
“I…” Tony started hesitantly, one hand coming up to comb through his brown hair absentmindedly. “I’m sorry. I guess- I kind of freak out yesterday…” the genius finally admitted, having obvious trouble with voicing his own fallibility.
Steve’s gaze softened. Indeed, Tony was no touchy-feely man. Not when the touches actually meant something, when they were more than mere flippancies.
He brought his own hands up, one settling on Tony’s hip, while the other caught the engineer’s stray hand and put it in a firm grip. The skin that pressed against his palm was slightly cooler and Steve rubbed it absentmindedly, just enjoying the moment for once, because right now, he wasn’t left behind, wasn’t left out.
Steve leaned down again, kissing Tony’s soft lips, tasted them, enjoying the warm feeling that spread in his chest. Oh, how he wished he could do that anywhere and anytime.
It had been a silent agreement, the subject of which had never been openly discussed or elaborated. It had gone without words that Tony and Steve wouldn’t fill the rest of the Avengers in on their relationship.
At first, it had never been an option to Steve to start with. After all, Tony and he were both males. Now, the thought wasn’t as unfamiliar and disturbing anymore and Steve caught himself more and more often, how he wished the others would know, so he could just walk up to Tony and kiss him, press his body longingly against the smaller ones.
He didn’t know Tony’s reasons for not wanting to tell anyone, but Steve felt uncomfortable just thinking about talking that subject through.
His hand wiggled under the fabric of Tony’s shirt and brushed along smooth skin. As if on cue, Tony went rigid again and Steve sighed against the other’s lips.
“Everything’s alright. See?” he tried to coax Tony into relaxing again, letting go of his hand and settling in the engineer’s neck instead, where he slightly pulled on loose strands of brown hair. Again, the question whatever Tony had his issues with them both being men crossed Steve’s mind.
It was washed away when he heard Tony’s words, barley above a whisper: “I don’t wanna fuck it up”
Steve’s heart clenched at the sincerity and vulnerability the genius’ voice held. He kissed him again, demanding and possessive. Then he stilled, just for a heartbeat, to look the smaller in the eye. “You won’t. We won’t.” he promised softly.
Now that Tony’d swallowed his pride, he seemed to feel the desperate need to elaborate this issue. “It’s what I’m best at, you know. Fucking good things up. I don’t- I don’t wanna fuck this- us up.” he billionaire confessed, still whispering, as if he was afraid the world could listen in.
Steve felt a sudden pang of guilt in his chest. He’d gotten annoyed with chasing after Tony, who’d been afraid of- of all this breaking into small pieces. Without a second thought he brought the smaller man close to his front, engulfing him in a firm, yet gentle hug, nuzzling into Tony’s neck, while the latter pressed his face against the Cap’s broad chest.
“Already told ya- we won’t. Absolutely not. Cross to my heart and hope to die” Steve assured once again.
The couple stood like that, frozen to its place, but other than the times in the kitchen, Tony didn’t just stay and stare, he sucked in the heat Steve’s body radiated, listening in on his lover’s heartbeat.
The billionaire got the sudden feeling that – if Steve was ever to leave him, no matter the reason – he’d take the part of Tony that kept him alive. So forget about insecurities and caution, he’d already put everything in Steve’s hands and if the soldier decided to rip it apart, Tony would have nothing to put up in order to defend himself.
“You know, now would be a good opportunity to make sure I’ll never freak out over touches and feelings like that again…” Tony mumbled against Steve’s chest and he knew the blond had heard him when he shifted slightly.
“You sure?” Now it was Steve who sounded insecure.
“Well- at least if you want…” the engineer offered and it sounded muffled and low for he chose exactly this moment to bury his face in Steve’s broad front. The soldier’s respond was a disbelieving snort. “If I want” he echoed. “Of course I’d like to. But I want you to be sure. To want it too;” Steve was truly glad that his lover didn’t look up, for his cheeks had claimed a deep shade of red.
“I’m probably never gonna be more sure- so yeah, I’d say right now I’m the closest to ‘I’m ready’ I will ever be.” Tony rambled and Steve got the impression that it wasn’t so much because of what he was offering Steve to do, but rather the fact that he had to – once again – voice what was going on inside his head. Talking about himself, about his feelings and needs made Tony Stark vulnerable and insecure. Who would have thought?
Steve pressed his body closer to the smaller one in his arms, the desperate need to fuse with Tony burning under his skin. Although there was nothing but thin fabric between them, he felt like they weren’t close enough. He wanted more of this soft, warm skin, wanted to touch, to give and to receive, wanted to know and wanted to learn. He wanted Tony.
“No running away this time” Steve threatened softly, whispering the words into Tony’s neck. He got rewarded with a jerky nod. “But” the soldier went on, reassuring himself that Tony knew for sure “you can always tell me to stop.” Again, he felt a jerky nod against his chest.
Slightly insecure himself now, Steve placed his hands on Tony’s back, rubbing over covered skin in reassuring circles. The Captain closed his eyes, only concentrating on what he felt – the warm body in his arms, with the cool arc reactor pressing against his chest, together with this perfect face, a nose poking his muscles – and what he heard – the steady heartbeat of a heart that was fragile and constantly in danger of being pierced by shrapnel, and yet, pulsed with the live it held.
Oh God, how much he loved this man. How much he loved Tony Stark. How much he loved Tony! But he knew better than to voice it now, for Tony would have only retreated, getting anxious and panicking again, afraid of actually having something he could lose.
Instead, Steve settled on stealing his hands under Tony’s shirt, continuing with rubbing soothing circles on the engineer’s back, while fusing their lips in a breathtaking kiss. The warm feeling spread again in his chest and – as his fingertips travelled over Tony’s body – in his crotch as well.
Tony still in his arms, he tucked on the smaller man’s shirt and pulled it over the genius’ head, throwing it to the floor mindlessly, where it ended up in a heap of fabric. His own joined it soon after.
With his super-soldier power he lifted Tony up with little to no effort and set him down on the workbench again, his legs spread so Steve found place in between them. Again and again he stole kisses from Tony’s lips and even if the other wasn’t willed to offer him any other sort of comfort, at least those kisses he returned and they tasted like sweet affection and all love and ‘I love you’s.
Steve’s hands, travelling the lands of Tony’s body and brushing over smooth skin came to a sudden halt and those blue orbs’ gaze seemed to burn itself into Tony’s eyes. The soldier shook his head, leaning his forehead against Tony’s.
“Don’t” he pleaded. What other could he do than plead?
The billionaire seemed taken aback. “What?”
“Don’t be afraid. If you need me to, I’ll tell you every second of every day. ‘We won’t fuck it up. Neither you nor I’” With this being said, Steve kissed the tip of Tony’s nose, savouring the baffled expression that adored the latter’s face.
And then, while he’d already gone back to stealing kisses from Tony’s lips, he felt the touch of the other’s hand on his back, at first nothing more but the fleeting brush of skin over skin, which soon became a strong hold. So Tony did give.
Somehow, within the following ten minutes, two trousers joined the shirts on the floor, being abandoned for they’d been nothing but a mere obstacle.