Chapter Text
The second Castiel’s fingers stretched toward the heavy metal door leading outside, Dean changed his mind.
“Shit, no”, he muttered under his breath, running his hand through his hair. The motion was nothing but an aborted jerk, a nervous habit fulfilled with shaking fingers. “Cas, wait!”
Castiel froze in his movement, hand still on the doorknob. Uncertainty etched in his every stiffened limb, he turned his head to look down to the war table, shimmering blue eyes searching Dean’s gaze.
“Goddamnit”, Dean whispered again, closing his eyes and trying to calm his nerves. “What do I do?”
“… Dean?”, Castiel’s voice sounded unsteady. For once, he was struggling to keep his composure. He must have resented Dean for even considering to send him away in this state.
Well, if there was already trouble in paradise…
“Sam!”, Dean called out, eyes still closed, massaging his forehead. After several seconds and no sign of any reaction, Dean shouted again. His voice echoed through the bunker, traveling the hallways like a ghost. “Sammy, get your ass out here!”
“It’s– It’s alright Dean, I don’t need drawn out goodbyes… I understand that you – “, Castiel’s voice cracked mid-sentence and he broke off for a second. When he spoke again, his tone was even, a mimickry of his angelic self even before the apocalypse. Emotionless and cold. “ – want me to leave.”
“No. Fuck, Cas, I don’t – you don’t…“
Dean examined the dust still glued to his shoes by April’s blood, unable to even look into Castiel’s eyes. “Man. You have no idea.”, he finished of lamely, in a quiet voice, shaking his head at the floor.
Castiel sucked in a breath, drawing back his hunched shoulders. Whether to brace for the next verbal blow after ‘You can’t stay.’, or to counter Dean’s vague assumptions on what he could or couldn’t grasp, was impossible to tell. Should the latter have been the case, it was interrupted by Sam finally stepping into the room.
“Could you for once display more patience than a five-y– “, he began to complain, before he had even entered the room entirely, annoyance seeping through every syllable. When he saw the expression on his brother’s face, Sam came to an abrupt stop and his bitch-face melted into concern. His eyes fell on Castiel and the slight frown that had formed on his face deepened. His posture changed immediately, his formerly straight spine now hunched as he turned back to Dean, trying to catch his eye. “Dean? What’s wrong? Are you alright?”
A pained expression crossed Dean’s already distressed face. His clenched jaw jutted to the side as he looked up, reluctant to Sam’s eyes. He fixed his glance on a lamp on the wall across from the war table. Sam could have sworn he saw tears in the corners of Dean’s eyes, reflecting the warm light. A humourless laugh escaped Dean’s chest.
“Yeah, Sam. I’m – I’m ok.”, he said, voice still too quiet, laced with thickness. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Exhaled. When he opened his eyes again, all emotions where drained out of them, a mask draped over his face. It hardened both his features and his posture beyond recognition. Sam knew immediately. Whatever Dean had to say, it would be really bad news. “There’s – you’re being possessed by an angel.”, Dean pressed out, the words sounding unnatural in the tense silence that had settled between them.
Castiel was quicker than Sam to find his voice.
“Dean, that’s not possible, we – “, he flinched at the word and stared at his hand, still poised to exit. “They. They need permission and Sam – “
“I gave them permission.”, Dean cut him off, strained voice raised forcefully, finally looking at Sam, whose face froze up at his brother’s words. “When you were… The coma. You were dying and he – Ezekiel – said it was the only way and I – “, he broke off. Sam was still standing halfway in the doorway, staring at Dean with an emotionless mask. “I couldn’t lose you.”, Dean whispered. The quiet phrase echoed in the absolute silence of the war room, leaving a stilted aftertaste.
Sam grimaced, poise falling off him, and opened his mouth in answer when his eyes glowed with grace, his stance changing once more. Dean found himself facing a warrior of heaven, his little brother all but vanishing from his own face. Castiel immediately let go of the bunker’s entrance, rushed down the stairs and stepped towards not-just-Sam when Ezekiel started to speak.
“Castiel. I do not wish to harm you, but I warn you not to come any closer. I will not refrain from hurting either you or this vessel if it is necessary for my well-being.”, the angel spoke, a thin pretence of calm glossing over obvious alarm in his tone.
“Don’t you dare.”, Dean growled, stepping into Ezekiel’s space and shoving Castiel behind himself in one quick, rough but precise motion. Castiel glowered at the back of his head.
“Dean –”, he murmured, trying to reign the situation in, under his control.
“Shuddup.”, Dean cut in roughly, never tearing his eyes from Ezekiel’s glance. “You will not. Threaten. Them. We had a deal. You heal my brother. Castiel is non-negotiable in his current state. He will stay. Now I swear on all things holy to me I will drag your feathery ass down into the dungeon and keep you locked up until you cleaned up Sammy all nice and tidy if you don’t cooperate pronto. And that’s just the PG13 version of what’s actually gonna go down if you don’t suck it up.”
“I have made my position on Castiel absolutely clear and he was never part of our –“, Ezekiel rushed to counter Dean’s threats, but he was cut off before even finishing his sentence.
“Yes, yes he was.”, hissed Dean, anger boiling under his skin, green eyes livid with wrath, jutting out a finger in the angel’s direction. “I wouldn’t have let you near this lanky kid if Cas hadn’t vouched for you – “
“This is not Ezekiel.”, Castiel interrupted his furious outburst. He yanked at the collar of Dean’s flannel, an undignified huff escaped the hunter as Castiel put himself between the arguing men again.
“What?!”, Dean exclaimed, dread lacing his voice. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know why I’m only just noticing. I’m concerned I might have been to caught up in my vessel’s – “, Castiel’s voice sounded rueful. His face contorted in pained frustration as he corrected himself. “– my body’s requirements.” His left hand found his stomach and clutched at his hoodie. Dean’s anger and fear were crushed for a second by a flood of guilt as he grasped hold of what Castiel was trying to say. Whatever had slipped his perception, it was because he had been too hungry to realize it. The on-rolling shame was shoved down by Castiel’s continued explanation. “I can sense his grace. At least, when he is actively present. This is not Ezekiel.”, Castiel continued eyes dark.
“In fact, they are no angel I have ever known.”
Dean’s hand instinctively reached for his gun, albeit knowing it would not be of any use in any case. Let alone, whoever currently controlled Sam’s body could overpower the humans in front of them without breaking a sweat anyways.
“Well. This worked for longer than I expected it to, anyways.”, the strange angel sighed, slumping Sam’s shoulders. “My name’s Gadreel.” At those words, Castiel widened his stance, ready for both immediate attack and defence.
“He’s responsible for the fall of Eden.”, Castiel murmured to Dean, his head tilted toward him, though his gaze stayed glued on Gadreel. His fists were clenched and the words came out pressed, as if he lacked air. “He’s been imprisoned for his blasphemy since the dawn of mankind.”
“And before that, I was too low in the pack order for your high and mighty protector over here”, Gadreel snarked, his eyes fixed on Dean over Castiel’s shoulder. Dean opened his mouth as if to protest, then snapped it back shut, deciding against drawing this conversation out. “He wouldn’t have noticed me. Eden was my first big task; and yes, I failed.” Now, Gadreel’s eyes swerved back to Castiel. “Lucifer tricked me. I’m sure, the two of you can relate.”, regret edged it’s way back to his voice. “I was imprisoned for my stupidity and shunned for its consequences. But I only ever had good intentions towards all of creation. That includes Samuel.”, Gadreel vaguely waved at Sam’s own body.
“Don’t call him that. He’s Sam.”, Dean forced out between gritted teeth.
“Fine. Sam., I want him to heal, and I am almost done. But I do need to fear for my own safety as well, and your attack dog is a risk in more than one way.”, Gadreel pressed on, his eyes shifting to Dean once more. “Either he will attract angels searching to smite him, gladly killing me with the same hit, or he will try to ‘rectify” heaven’s grudges himself, should he ever regain his strength.”
Castiel snorted at that. It was a bitter sound and his expressive blue eyes hardened and narrowed. He rolled his shoulders in exasperation.
“You will come to find I am not the ‘lapdog’ I used to be.”, he countered, air quotes doing nothing to undermine his serious tone. “Heaven’s will has become abhorrent to me. On their behalf, you have nothing to fear from me. But I swear, I will end you if you so much as break a nail of either Sam or Dean –“
“I’m healing him –“, Gadreel cut in indignantly.
“For how long?”, Dean urged, trying to move himself at least next to Castiel but his pose was unyielding. Some amount of super-human strength appeared to stick to him, eventhough the grace was gone.
The silence that fell didn’t last long, both Castiel and Dean straightened up, anticipating some sort of fight.
Gadreel shrunk in on himself.
“Hardly a week.”
“How bad are the injuries that are left?”, Dean asked immediately, relieved to hear only such a short interval of time was left. At the same time, he felt his heart clench in his chest. His brother would go through the agony of being possessed for another week. And Dean himself would have to face the full force of Sam’s – rightful – anger in less than seven days.
“It would take longer, but humans would be able to fix them, it’s mostly a severe degree of exhaustion that –“, Gadreel’s expression changed suddenly and he cut himself off. He seemed to be fighting with himself, grace flickering up in his eyes. Castiel and Dean exchanged a concerned look, unsure how to help Sam and keep the angel in check, when all of a sudden, the tall man in front of them screamed in pain as grace erupted from Sam’s body. He sunk to the floor, boneless.
“Sammy? Sam?!”, Dean’s eyes widened with terror, his voice broke off after his first cry and he pushed himself past Castiel to reach his brother. He slumped to his knees, brushing Sam’s hair out of his face. “What’s happening?”, he asked no one in particular, frantic, as he pulled Sam towards himself, raising his head to face Castiel. “Heal him! Heal him now!”
Castiel stood over them with slumped shoulders, his arms hanging by his sides, palms facing forward as if in surrender. He looked agonized, frowning down, lips parted, trying to find the right words for what he deemed unspeakable.
“I can’t.”, his voice a hoarse whisper, tears forming in his eyes. “I’m completely useless.”
First, he stayed there, frozen, watching Dean holding onto his unconscious brother. Then, he turned silently, heading for the stairs. Tears started streaming down his face, but he did not take note of them. Nonetheless, it was the first time he cried.
He reached the first step when he heard the heavy coughing behind himself, and turned around. Worry tinged his gaze. “Dean?”, he asked, his tone broken and raspy.
But Dean did not look up to him. He repeated “Sammy? Sam! Oh hell, Sam – “, over and over as he clutched at his little brother, who coughed his lungs out, sprawled on the floor. Castiel shuddered with relief, transfixed on the men on the ground before him. He stood stiffly, breathing heavy, unsure where to go and what to do.
Sam dragged himself upright, after a long coughing fit, and Dean ushered Castiel to get some water. When he came back and Sam drank from the glass he handed over to him, there were already several feet of tile between the two brothers. Dean’s eyes were fixed on Sam, fierce concern almost enough to hide the guilt in them. Sam stared down his long limbs in outright disbelief. He drank the glass in small sips and stared down the tiles some more. When he lifted his gaze to Dean, his eyes were hard as stone, cold fury etched into his features.
“You –”, Sam started, voice quiet but shaking with righteous anger. “handed my body over to an angel?!” The guilt finally won over Dean’s expression and he stared to the ground in shame, his body not moving an inch, taking Sam’s words like a beating. “So, just to get things right: I made the choice to do the trials and seal up hell, just like you would have in my position and then you go against my will not only by stopping me but by selling me off to some – and I quote you – ‘winged douchebag’?”, he hissed out his tirade, the lack of volume not doing anything to lessen their blow.
“Sammy please, I didn’t have a – “, Dean tried to answer, wrung with desperation, drawing his knees to his chest and staring at his hands.
“Oh, please”, Sam shut him down, tone full of stilted and cynical amusement, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “don’t tell me you ‘didn’t have a choice’. You did. And you chose against my will. Repeatedly.” He let out a frustrated breath. “Do you have any idea what this is like for me? I trust you. With everything. And you of all people allow for me of all people to get possessed by an angel?” He paused for a second, his voice cracking at his next question. “Have you just forgotten that I’ve been here before, that this has been done to me by Lucifer himself?” Dean flinched at the devil’s chosen name.
After that he stared Dean down, tense with betrayal, pain and anger. It felt like an eternity before his brother answered, Sam’s heavy breathing the only indication of passing time.
“You were dying…”, Dean started, crooked voice breaking its path from his throat. “I didn’t know what else to do, so I prayed to Cas but he was… he couldn’t hear and – and I couldn’t lose you. Sam, I’m so sorry for bringing this back for you but I had to save you and you can hate me for it, it’s your damn right and I understand, but you cannot expect me to regret it. I could never regret protecting you.”
A disbelieving huff escaped Sam’s lips as he eyed Dean with utter contempt.
“Yeah, whatever.”, he said, shrugging his indifference and shaking his head. “I gotta get out of here.” With that, he moved to stand, swerving a little as he took his first steps. He started coughing again.
“Sam – “, Dean and Castiel uttered, in unison. Castiel already had his hand outstretched and Dean was in the middle of getting to his feet when Sam’s voice interrupted them, booming.
“Don’t”, he said, his glare stabbing his older brother like daggers. Dean clasped his mouth shut immediately, averting his pained glance to his dirtied shoes once more. Sam’s eyes flickered to Castiel for a second, then they turned to the ground in frustration. “I – I might need help to pack my bags though.”
“Cas, please – “, Dean’s eyes darted up to search Castiel’s. Their eyes locked just for a moment sharing understanding, disagreement and hurt with each other in less than a second. Then,Castiel turned to Sam and gave a curt nod.
“Of course.”, was all he replied, taking a swift step forward, to help Sam get to his room. He draped one of Sam’s long arms awkwardly around his shoulder, knees buckling slightly for a second as Sam slumped against him. He was still not used to the compared weakness of his all too human body.
Like this they limped off, their shuffling steps echoed through the hall, leaving Dean behind, still crouched on the floor, staring after them. The door to Sam’s room creaked open, then shut and then Dean heard the lock klick before he was engulfed by suffocating silence.