Chapter Text
“So,” Tony says, looking at Pepper where she stands by the breakfast bar, dressed only in one of his shirts.
“So?”
“Yesterday. There were… declarations. And kissing. And then slow romantic type sex.”
“There was,” Pepper agrees solemnly, her eyes crinkling with amusement.
“Does that mean we’re in a relationship?” he asks, then adds quickly when she begins to frown, “I’m not objecting, just, you know, asking for clarification. This is a bit new to me.”
“New?”
“This, you know, relationships with people you like thing. People you actually care about. In a long term sort of way. Also you passed all the tests.”
“The tests?” Pepper’s eyebrows rise alarmingly.
“You know, the three tests a person has to pass in order to become Tony Stark’s girlfriend. Or, you know, boyfriend maybe, but I’ve never really tried that much. And you’re a girlfriend obviously.”
“Obviously,” she replies. “What are the tests?”
“Well there’s sex. Generally that’s the first date. Is the sex good, does she like the same stuff as me. Does she want to dress me in a giant diaper. ‘Cos seriously, that happened once and it was weird. Then there’s a second test, which is conversation. Is she capable of having one, is she prepared to listen to me talk about myself for an hour solid. That sort of thing. That’s the second date. Some people pass both of those. Although they generally get bored with listening to my narcissism up close quite quickly.”
“The trick is to tune it out and just scan for key phrases that suggest you’re going to blow something up or give away all your money,” Pepper says sagely.
“The third test,” Tony says, deliberately ignoring her “Is the most important, and the one which almost no one ever passes. In fact, up till you, only three people had ever passed it, and of those, one was a journalist looking for a story, one was trying to assassinate me and one was Caitlin. It was a shame she had to go and mess with Dummy, I liked her.”
“She was an escaped mental patient who had been stalking you for six months, Tony,” Pepper says severely, though she’s long ago accepted that they will never see eye to eye on the subject of Tony’s fourteenth girlfriend.
“She shared my own appreciation of my brilliance,” Tony says airily. “But as I was saying, the third test, which is the most important, is that of being stood up by me. Because, you know, that’s going to happen. Probably a lot. I forget, or I get really absorbed in something and loose track of time, or I have to defend the earth from demons, or rebuild my arc reactor, or I get kidnapped. That kind of stuff. Happens all the time when you’re me. So a girl has to be willing to put up with being stood up. And you did. You do. So you passed all the tests. Although you did them in the wrong order. I object to that. But that wasn’t really your fault. But my point is that you passed all the tests, and you’re not stalking me or trying to kill me or interview me or anything. And that’s a first. As were the… declarations. So I thought I’d better check.”
“Yes Tony,” Pepper says, patient as always, “we are in a relationship. I am your girlfriend or partner or whatever you want to call it.”
Tony frowns. He looks worried.
“What is it?” Pepper asks. She’s known Tony long enough to know not to try and guess what he’s thinking. It’s almost never what you assume. Well, except when it comes to pretty girls or being handed things.
“Does that mean monogamy?” Tony asks, sounding worried.
“Usually, yes.”
“Oh. I’m not so good with monogamy. I mean I try. I’ve tried. Tried loads of times. I’m not very good at it. I mean look at Christine. And Sara. I tried really hard with both of them.”
“You were dating them at the same time.”
“Well, yeah, a little bit. But that’s my point. I’m not good at monogamy. It’s rules. I’m not good at sticking to the rules. I try, but then something happens and I get distracted or I forget or I’m on a high and I don’t care. And then people get upset. And I don’t want to hurt you Pep.”
Pepper smiles. While declarations of love from Tony had been nice (lovely in fact) she almost hadn’t believed them. They were so out of character. She’d got the feeling that he was saying them because he thought he ought to. But this is Tony really declaring his love. This slightly incomprehensible speech about how he will probably cheat on her is how she really knows that he loves her. He lookes confused when her eyes go soft with affection and she reaches out to pull him close for a kiss.
“Was that good then?” he asks, surprised. “I thought that would probably be bad. I mean I said it anyway, ‘cos it needed to be said. But I thought you’d be mad.”
“It was just so…” Pepper sketches in the air with her long hands, searching for the word she wants, “you. So you. And I know you, Tony. I’ve known you for years. I’d like it if you were to swear you’d be faithful to me, but I’d much rather you were truthful with me than lied.”
Tony nods. That to him, as his questioning had been to Pepper, is the real declaration of love. She wants him to tell the truth, even though she knows well enough that the truth will often be unpalatable.
“I can’t promise all the things people are supposed to promise,” he tells her seriously. “I won’t remember our anniversaries or always be nice to you or even be faithful to you. I can’t promise that I won’t fly off without warning to get beaten up by aliens. But I can promise that I’ll always come back to you.”
Pepper smiles. That is all she asks for.