Chapter Text
They’d been dating for at least a solid three months before Optimus worked up the nerve to pop the question. Their relationship was hedging into proper-official-relationship status and Optimus wanted to take the next step.
“Hey, Roddy?” he asks, turning around on the couch. They’re both at Optimus’s apartment -- well, it was Optimus’s apartment, but after his last roommate moved out and Rodimus accidentally left all his toiletries in their bathroom, he’d just stopped looking for a new one. Roddy spent most of his nights on the spare bed anyway, and Optimus’s place was closer to campus and, well. Maybe Optimus liked having Roddy close more than he cared to admit.
“Whatschup?” Roddy answers from the kitchen through a mouthful of something. Optimus worries at the end of his flannel for a second, a nervous habit he rarely allowed himself.
“I want you to meet my friend.”
Rodimus pauses in his endeavor of consuming ungodly amounts of whipped cream to blink at Optimus. It seems to take him a few seconds to properly register the words, but eventually he cracks a slightly confused grin. There was a little bit of whipped cream at the corner of his mouth, and it was definitely not incredibly distracting. “So, a ‘get the approval of the friend’ kinda deal?”
Optimus thinks about the grumpy doctor he’s known nearly his entire life. Although Roddy certainly didn’t need any approval to court him, he knew Ratchet, and knew that he would probably have intentions of judging Rodimus. Especially after having been subjected to Optimus’s constant gushing.
“Maybe?”
“Alright, when?” Rodimus asks, sliding around the counter to invade Optimus’ personal space. He looks nervous, but determined. That stubbornness -- the will to keep moving ahead no matter the odds -- it was one of the things Optimus loved most about his partner. He offers Rodimus a reassuring grin and swipes a thumb over the corner of his mouth, wiping away the last remnants of whipped cream. Roddy leans into the touch.
“I think he’s free tomorrow, if that works for you? We usually get lunch together on Wednesdays.”
Rodimus visibly goes through his schedule, and Optimus watches with a fond smile as he struggles to recall his plans. “Lunch? Yeah, I think I’m good. Tell me about him. What do I need to do to get his seal of approval?”
“Well, I’ve known him since we were in middle school. I probably owe the fact that I graduated to him,” Optimus starts. “He’s a little on the stoic side, but he means well.”
Rodimus laughs. “Oh, I know a few someones like that.”
“Yeah. He’s a little bit of a workaholic, takes his job pretty seriously.” Optimus hesitates. “He can loosen up, but he doesn’t do it around most people. I hope you guys get along that well, but honestly, as long as you’re a decent human being I don’t think he’ll actually dislike you.”
Rodimus tucks his head under Optimus’ chin and pats his chest in a placating manner.. “Don’t worry about it, babe,” he says, and even though he can’t see his boyfriend’s face, Optimus call feel his trademark cocky grin. “Everybody likes me.”
“Optimus, I can’t do this.”
Optimus stares blearily at his phone screen and the panicked face that was staring at him from it. He had just woken up to his ringtone, and Roddy, apparently, had talked himself into a panic.
“What do I wear? What if I over-dress? He’ll think I’m a slob! But if I over-dress he’ll think I’m stuck up! Optimus, my hair is so bad today, you don’t understand. Oh god, what if he thinks I’m annoying. What if he hates me? Optimus, I can’t do it-” His sentence breaks off into a long sad whine.
Optimus just woke up to his ringtone and wasn’t comprehending half of the sentences. The only thing he knows is that his boyfriend is distressed. “Roddy, I love you, he’ll like you on that basis alone.”
“But-!”
“Dress smart casual.”
“Okay. Okay, I can do that.”
“Just be yourself.”.
“Alright,” he says, and this time, Rodimus sounds a bit less stressed when he answers. Optimus congratulates himself on a job well done and smiles a bit as he leans in to deliver the final blow.
“And your hair looks as adorable as it always does, dear.”
“Aww, babe, but that’s a lie and you know it.” Roddy says, but Optimus notes with a little smirk that he’s already preening a little at the compliment.
“Just remember that If you want to cancel, we can, alright? You don’t have to if it’s too stressful. He’ll understand.”
“No no no no, I want to do this. I’m okay. I’m good. Fine and dandy.”
“You sure?”
“Yup. Thanks, Op. Love you!” With that he hangs up. Optimus blinks at the phone for a few minutes before he gets out of the bed. He loved Rodimus dearly, but he definitely wasn’t going back to sleep now.
Ratchet calls him a little while before the time set for the meeting. Optimus answers it by the second ring.
“Is something wrong? Did something come up at the hospital?”
“Oh no. I just wanted to let you know that if I start third wheeling, I am going to get up and leave.”
That startles out a laugh from Optimus before he gains his wits enough to reply, “I promise you will not be a third wheel, Ratch, and you have my full permission to leave if it happens. I’ll explain the situation to my boyfriend.”
“Good,” Ratchet answers, and Optimus hesitates.
“Go easy on him, okay? I know some amount of hazing is traditional, but he’s really nervous about getting your approval. I’m sure you’ll get along, but--”
“Well, I was planning on scowling at him until he broke up with you,” Ratchet interrupts him, drily, “but since you asked so nicely, I suppose I can play nice.” Optimus hears him move the receiver on the other end of the line, and his voice comes back over the speakers, closer and more gently. “Look, Optimus, I’ve known you for almost a decade now, so I feel qualified to say that you’re the most stubborn, incurable workaholic I’ve ever met. I’ve been trying to get you to relax and have fun once in a while for years, and this boyfriend of yours managed to dislodge that stick up your ass in just a few months. You look happier than you have in ages. For your sake, I’m more than happy to make small talk for a few hours, alright?”
“Thanks, Ratchet, I… I really appreciate that,” Optimus answers, and he has to hastily wipe away a tear before anyone sees it.
“Hey, maybe I’ll ask him for a couple tips,” Ratchet rumbles over the receiver, and the tone of his voice makes Optimus put his guard back up the second he hears it. “Did he get that stick out by putting a different stick up your ass, or--”
“Ratchet--” Optimus splutters, unable to come up with any kind of coherent response. “I-- you know I don’t--”
“Chronic asexual, I know,” Ratchet drawls, exaggeratedly disappointed.
“You’re also-”
“See you in an hour, Optimus!” he interrupts gleefully, and hangs up before Optimus can get a chance to respond.
“See you in an hour,” he sighs, and hangs up too.
Rodimus checks himself in the car mirror. Again. “Is my hair okay? I think this shirt is kinda wrinkled. Ugh, he’s going to think I don’t do my laundry.”
Optimus finds himself feeling both fond and annoyed at his boyfriend’s fussing. “Rodimus, I think you’re overthinking it. It’s going to be fine. Trust me.”
Rodimus finally relents from his impromptu mirror session and allows Optimus to lead him away from the parking lot.
They find the cafe where Ratchet said he was already waiting inside. Rodimus asks for one final check at the door of the cafe before walking in with his chest puffed out and shoulders hiked with tension. Optimus chuckles to himself before following after the redhead.
“Ratchet’s over in the corner,” Optimus tells Rodimus and nods in the direction. Ratchet sits in a semi-private corner booth, engaged with something on his phone, back to the rest of the cafe. His face is obscured, but Optimus can recognize his ginger and silver hair, pulled into a loose braid on his back.
Rodimus freezes. “Ratchet?”
He turns to look and Optimus can tell the exact moment Rodimus spots the doctor. It’s like a switch gets flipped and all the tension bleeds out from his body. He lets out a short laugh before practically jogging up to Ratchet’s table. Optimus follows close behind him, confused but relieved..
The relief is short-lived.
“Hey, asshole!” are the very first words out of Roddy’s mouth. Optimus’ jaw drops. He looks at Rodimus in alarm and all he sees is a wide grin on his freckled face, eyes sparkling with something akin to mischief. Optimus had thought he wanted to make a good impression! Not… whatever this is!
Ratchet slowly turns in his seat to face them, expression unreadable. Suddenly, Optimus is the nervous one, while Rodimus continues grinning unabashedly despite his absolutely terrible choice of greeting. Who says that to someone you just met?
Ratchet’s eyes glide over to meet Optimus’ before he flatly states, “You’re dating him?”
“Hey!” Rodimus squawks, only to be ignored.
“I swear he isn’t normally like that! I don’t know what’s gotten into him!” Optimus tries to explain. “Rodimus, apologize!”
Rodimus does not. He continues to grin like there’s no other thoughts in that head of his. Ratchet stands up from the table and squares up in front of Roddy. He meets Ratchet’s glare without flinching. He even puffs out his chest.
This is it, Optimus thinks in despair. My best friend and boyfriend are going to kill each other.
Ratchet places a hand on Rodimus shoulder and says, “Bitch.”
“Old man,” Rodimus says, patting Ratchet’s hand condescendingly. Ratchet’s face screws up in mock horror, causing Roddy to break down in laughter.
Optimus’ brain stops computing.
“I’m only 26, you little brat,” Ratchet grumbles, and instead of coming to blows like Optimus feared, Ratchet and Roddy both take seats at the booth. Roddy drags a shell-shocked Optimus down next to him.
“Fancy meeting you here, Mr. I-don’t-have-time-to-hang-out,” Rodimus was saying, “I thought you didn’t have friends.”
“Where did you get that idea?” Ratchet shoots back easily, resting an arm on the back of the booth. “If you called ahead and planned like Optimus instead of barging into my office at 5pm and demanding I head to Swerve’s, I might make the time to hang out with you too.”
“I know you get off at 5 on Fridays, Ratty, don’t lie to me. And excuse you, my presence is a blessing.”
Optimus finally recovers enough functioning to insert a “Wait, you two know each other?” into the conversation before Ratchet could make a come-back.
Ratchet and Rodimus share a look. Ratchet shrugs. “This idiot showed up in the clinic with poisoning while I was completing my residency.”
Optimus gapes. “That was four years ago?”
“Right. He ate a mushroom on the side of the road because of a dare, and then he had the audacity to show up four days later because he broke his arm jumping from the stairs during a house party. On another dare.”
Rodimus crosses his arms and huffs. “No one calls me a coward and gets away with it.” Then, as an afterthought, he adds, “I can’t believe I was stressed about impressing you.”
At this, Ratchet lets out a sharp bark of laughter, “That ship sailed a long time ago. I met you while you were puking your guts out in a hospital ward, I don’t think you’re going to be making a stronger first impression than that. Personally, I can’t believe Optimus was worried about me scaring you.”
Roddy snorts. “I haven’t been scared of you since you came to my Halloween party in cat ears and the grumpiest face I’ve ever seen you make.” He pauses. “Do you think Optimus has seen the pictures?”
Optimus buries his face into his hands. “I can’t believe you know each other.”
“I can’t believe you never mentioned your friend’s name was Ratchet and that he’s a doctor at the hospital!” Rodimus replies, “I would’ve known!”
Said doctor leans back in his chair and adds his own two cents. “You apparently just don’t mention names in conversations, Optimus, because I didn’t know you were talking about Roddy either. It’s always ‘my boyfriend’ or ‘my date’ or ‘that one cute guy’. Honestly, it’s pretty funny.”
Optimus drapes himself over the table and groans. “I can’t believe my boyfriend and best friend have been friends for four years.”
“Woah woah woah!” Rodimus interjects at the same time Ratchet huffs out, “Hup-up-up.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Rodimus continues, overlapping Ratchet’s, “We are not friends.”
Optimus looked incredulously at the cup in Rodimus’s hands. The cup which was Ratchet’s drink that he ordered while waiting for them. Which Roddy was taking a sip from. “You’re not friends?”
“Nope,” Ratchet sniffs, snatching his cup back from Rodimus. “He’s just an idiot I know.”
Rodimus rolls his eyes. “That you actively seek the company of.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, I’m not seeking your company. Your roommate, maybe.”
Is Optimus witnessing his best friend and his boyfriend flirting? Is this flirting? Is this how people flirt? Should he be worried about it? Why is he third wheeling his own date? What is happening?
--
“-and then he goes, really quietly, ‘aw fuck’ and I look over and he’s cut his palm open!” Rodimus is telling Ratchet when Optimus zones back into the conversation. “There’s blood running down his arm and he’s just standing there with the blankest expression. He looks at me and just goes, ‘I’m bleeding’. Yeah, no shit! You’re not just bleeding, you are actively staining the counter top and the cutting board!”
“Is that why he came in for four stitches the other day?!” Ratchet cuts in incredulously, looking like a weird combination of amused and angry. “You guys were trying to cut fruit flowers?!”
“Who cut his palm open?” Optimus interjects meekly, almost afraid to ask.
“My roommate!” Rodimus answers the same time Ratchet growls, “Dead, when I get my hands on him.”
“Huh…” Optimus says. Clearly, he needs to meet more of Rodimus’ friends.
The rest of the lunch goes by smoothly as the two of them tell Ratchet stories about how their relationship developed. Optimus is happy that two of the most important people in his life get along… maybe? He doesn’t quite understand what’s happening between them, but clearly they don’t dislike each other, so. Optimus will take what he can get.
As they wave Ratchet off later, Rodimus leans over to reiterate, “I can’t believe the friend I was stressing about making a good impression on was Ratchet.”
“Well, I can’t believe you guys knew each other for four years and you and I never met until three months ago,” Optimus retorts, still in disbelief. “And in those three months we never realized we both know Ratchet?”
Rodimus breaks down laughing at the obvious pain in Optimus’ voice. Roddy pats his arm placatingly. “It’s okay, babe. Our life is a sitcom. Just accept reality.”
Optimus sighs. He watches Ratchet turn the corner and asks, quietly, “Why was Ratchet wearing cat ears at that party, anyway?”
“He’s whipped,” Rodimus answers gleefully, and refuses to elaborate.