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It had started as a simple dinner. A meeting between old friends. At least that was how Relena rationalized it to her friends and coworkers and even in one hectic moment to herself.
Except she really didn't know what she and Heero were to each other. Two years ago, they had been in a some what back and forth relationship that neither he nor she knew how to define. And until this dinner they had been separated for two years with only an occasional letter and phone call. They had both agreed that they needed time a part. To figure things out. Like who they were, what they wanted, and whether they could make it work.
This simple dinner, would be decision time. She knew her answer, but wasn't entirely sure about his. That was how she thought about it. After wrestling with whether she really loved him (yes she did), and whether what she loved was the person in reality or the person of a 15 year old girl's fantasy (this wasn't a crush or a fantasy). And she didn't want to say good bye. Not yet. Not ever.
When she met him in the lobby of her complex, he looked almost like how he always had. He wore a denim jacket, white shirt, and a dark pair of blue jeans. He looked confident and sure, much more stable then she felt at the moment.
But then part of her knew that he thought the same thing about her. Was it in admiring and focusing on the other's strength that they hid from their own insecurities? She didn't quite know.
And when he greeted her, it was casual and carried his usual gruffness.
They didn't talk much at dinner, and she had let herself fall into a kind of calm silence. Things didn't need to be answered right away. She could just for a bit, relish in him being there, in the flesh.
He inquired after her work and her mother (it was busy and her mother was doing fine), she asked him about his studies (he was studying mechanical engineering and was also dabbling in computer engineering). And to look at them one would not think they were the Vice Foreign Minister or one of the Gundam pilots. Just a normal couple having dinner on a Friday evening.
It was a bit surreal, even to Relena. That life could take this turn, that they of all people could sit in a restaurant and talk about the mundane aspects of life.
But she sensed that this shallow talk was masking the real issue. Was this the end? Or the beginning? Would this whole thing work?
And so they went, and eventually as if it was meant to happen, he drove her to the small studio apartment where he was staying. Their final stop of the evening.
"I had a nice time," she said although she didn't quite believe the tone of it.
"Hmmm, we were there because of you," he said, "I didn't exactly pay for anything."
"No, I meant…" Relena said, "I enjoyed it. Enjoyed being with you."
He looked at her for a moment.
"You should just give up," he said.
She looked at him, surprised for a moment.
"This," he said, "it isn't worth it."
And she suddenly felt the anger rise within her
"What is this?" she asked, "because I don't even know what this is to even know whether it is worth anything at all."
"I am no good to you," he said and his matter of fact way of putting it really got under her skin. She wasn't fifteen years old anymore, she didn't think he was right about everything anymore.
"May I ask why that even matters?" she asked.
He didn't answer, just stared at her. He finally moved a bit away from her before he finally began to answer.
"You de…"
"If the next words out of your mouth are 'You deserve better' I will slap you," she interrupted, the whole situation suddenly becoming ridiculously clear.
"Well it's true."
"Bullshit."
She swore he almost took a step back when she said that as if he couldn't really believe that that word existed in her vocabulary.
"First off, whatever ideas you have about what I deserve I would just disregard them," she said, "and secondly, you need to value your life a bit more. I thought you had learned that."
"I am still learning," he said, "I want to live, still doesn't mean I hold it in such high regard."
She didn't have an answer.
"So you want to leave," she said, "cut it all off. And you were going to decide this all on your own."
"It is not about want," he replied, "it is about being practical."
She looked up at him.
"What do you want?"
"What?"
"You say it isn't about want," she shot back, "that means that you don't want what you're saying."
His eyes widened.
"You know, in the past two years," she said, "I have grown tired of denying myself things for the good of others. While one shouldn't be selfish all the time, I don't think it is wrong to want things for yourself every once in a while, even if it isn't really practical."
"Relena…"
"And I think you deserve to sometimes want things," she said, "so I say throw whatever notion you have that you will ruin my life or career or whatever idiotic thing you are using to rationalize this to yourself. What do you want."
He was silent for a moment. He looked at her, and after one long moment he took a step toward her, and reached a hand to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear. The gesture was soft and almost like that time at St. Gabriel's so long ago.
He gave a soft smile.
"You really are stronger then me," he said, "you continue to amaze me."
"Yeah, well I am beginning to think you are kind of a coward," she spat back, "I don't think I am that strong, I have doubts too."
He gave a slight chuckle.
"I won't deny that."
"You didn't answer my question," she said.
"What question?"
"What do you want?"
He looked at her again.
"You all ready know," he said.
"Yeah, well I need you to say it."
"All right then,"
He then wrapped his arms around, and pulled her close, her head resting firmly on his chest, and in the complete silence of the moment she could hear his heartbeat.
"You."
She just barely heard the word, and it was then that she knew that for once, he wasn't confident, as if he was just figuring this all out on his own.
She pushed herself a way for a moment and look at him. She cupped his face with her hands and smiled.
"That a boy," she said and pulled his lips down to her.
It was long and soft, and different from all the times that they had done it before. It was truer, honest in it's own way. She held him closer, she wanted to mark every feeling, every touch. This was the beginning, and she wanted to remember it.
But she wasn't going to stop, she didn't want to end it here. Not yet not ever.
When they pulled away she could hear the raggedness of his breath.
"What do you want me to do?" he asked, and she felt him tense a bit in nervousness.
"Just follow my lead," she said, "if that is all right with you."
"Whatever you want," he said, "is fine with me."
She slid his jacket off, and slowly began to unbutton his shirt, one by one. He placed his hands on her waist, and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
She smiled. This was happiness. When his shirt was off, she ran her hands up his side and across the muscles of his chest. She pressed a kiss to his neckline.
"Follow me," she whispered into his hear.
She then took his hand, and lead him to the bed, and sat down first.
"I don't know why I am leading this," she said, "it is not like I have done this before."
"Well you know more than me," he said.
She looked up at him, and then looked down.
"Well then we will have to learn together," she said, "Come you're too far away."
And she slid further back into the bed as he climbed on the bed. And soon he was on top of her, the feel of his body on hers was overwhelming, and she felt her heart begin to race. It felt like it would burst from her chest at any moment.
And then his mouth was to hers again, and pressed against each other, she decided to stop caring. This was right and perfect.
It wasn't long before her blouse was discarded and her bra was unhooked. They were working on intuition and he slid a hand underneath her and pressed it against the small of her back, she leaned her head back and he brushed is slips on her necks and she groaned.
His right leg slid between her thighs, and it was here when things really started to become hazy. It must have been the same for him as well because, Relena felt him groan as he buried his face into her shoulder. She smiled.
She groped for the button to his jeans and unbuttoned them quickly. She wasn't naïve, both of them were relatively inexperienced, and this wasn't going to last that long or be that pleasurable. Might as well get all they could out of it.
She had a hard time pushed the jeans down and he uncomfortably squirmed until the jeans were pushed loose, it was then he started to do the same for her skirt, though it was much easier to manage then his jeans had been.
Relena knew that this was taking longer then usual, but she couldn't care, they would have time to practice, right now there was a need, no a want that was so strong between both of them that she didn't care for the finer points of lovemaking.
Next came the underwear, and her breathing caught when she could feel that they were both naked, both completely bare. She shifted a bit and whispered into his ear that everything would be all right, that he should just follow along.
Intuitively almost, he slid his arousal into her. The heat of the moment was slightly tempered by the slight discomfort, but she pushed through, and only grimaced slightly when she felt her hymen break. They lay still for a moment, trying to cope with the magnitude of the act.
It was Relena who moved first. She pushed back and forth, until finally he met her rhythm. When he broke through she gave a small cry and he stopped.
"Are you all right?" he asked, a look of concern in his eyes.
"I am fine," she said, "Keep going, don't stop."
And he moved again, and pressed his forehead to hers through the entire rhythm. This was nothing like what she had read in romance novels or heard from gossip. This was real, and the pleasure and pain was too intense to describe.
He moved forward, and she finally began to feel the pleasure numb the pain. It built and built, and suddenly she felt him twitch inside her and gasped. He was silent, but he held her even closer and embraced back, suddenly understanding. It was short, only a second and then it passed, and he slid away.
"I love you," she said, as the movement in her stilled and she kissed his forehead.
"I love you," she said again, and repeated over and over.
"That was…"
"It was amazing," she said.
He rolled off of her and to the right and she turned to him. He pulled her into an embrace and she sighed.
"This is worth it," she said.
He looked at her.
"You're right," he said, and held her closely, "I don't know what I was thinking."
She smiled and wrapped her arms around him.
"Do you still want to give up?" she asked.
They made eye contact and Relena smiled at how clear his eyes suddenly looked.
"No, not a chance."
She smiled and leaned in and they kissed; it wasn't long before they began the whole dance again.
And to think, it was supposed to only be a simple dinner.