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“Shin! Wait for me Shin! You're climbing too high!”
Even as a kid, you looked so…
“Geez Takeomi you're like a turtle, c'mon take my hand.”
...Bright and beautiful, like an unreacheable shining star.
“You look like the living proof that there’s always a deeper rock bottom.” Takeomi Akashi opens his eyes, and is welcomed by the sight of the eldest of the Haitanis. “Don’t fall asleep on the couches of the common area, it’s like you’re begging the kids to prank you.”
Takeomi exhales and closes his eyes, that fucking dream again. “Said kids are on their way to their thirties.”
Ran smiles and sits with his long legs crossed on the couch in front of Takeomi. “Can’t be helped, I have that kind of big brother mentality. Everyone around Rindou’s age is like a kid to me.” Then he grabs one of the cigarettes from a box in his inner pocket. ”But really, you look like shit.”
“Has Mikey complained that I’m underperforming or messing up in some way when it comes to my duties?” Takeomi closes his eyes again. Even if his memory only brings him pain he can’t help but bask in its warmth. It’s the same vicious cycle every time.
Ran exhaled the smoke in his lungs with a smirk. “Hmm? C’mon now, you’ve been an excellent advisor to us since day one. It was so nice of you to help a bunch of children run a successful gang business.”
“You’re welcome.” Takeomi still has his eyes closed. Please just a few seconds more.
“I'm sure that Shinichiro Sano's baby brother, and your own as well, being among the ones who requested your guidance helped on your decision a lot." Ran took another puff of the cigarette. "Speaking of Mikey, yesterday was the day Shinichiro died, right?”
Takeomi finally opens his eyes and looks at Ran. He can feel a hand slowly crawling on his insides and choking his throat.
Ran keept a relaxed smile while maintaining the eye contact. “I can make a wild guess. I know he died mid August, and Mikey actually participated in last night's duties. Unloaded an entire round of a 9 millimeters on some poor bastard stomach. Sanzu was also more on the edge than usual.”
“...You’re right it was the 15th anniversary of his death.” 15 years, It’s been 15 long years since he was killed. And yet his memories of Shin are still so, so vivid no matter how many days pass.
They have to, because memories are the only thing he has left.
“So I was right after all, good to know~.” Ran’s natural charisma and charm along with his ability to read people like an open book were his most useful weapons. It’s what allowed him and Rindou to take over Roppongi when they were just 13.
”I honestly didn’t want to ask Mikey because I have the feeling that bringing up his brother's name would be like a death sentence.” Ran exhales the smoke once again. “Like with you right now. You look like you really want to murder me, Takeomi. ”
Takeomi grunts, unable to conceal the anger in his voice. “When it comes to anything related to Shinichiro Sano you need to be very, very careful. You should already know that, Haitani.”
This sorrow that won't recede, this pain that does not stop, this wound that does not close.
And it all keeps driving him further into the abyss. Time does nothing to heal him, on the contrary with each year he feels the pus festering. It’s going to kill him and Takeomi Akashi doesn't care.
“I’m sorry I just wanted to tease my kind senior a little bit, I didn't mean to make you angry. You're right, I’m just being so insensitive, honestly, today’s youth have no respect. ” A chuckle left Ran’s lips. “Let me apologize. Tell me, what do you want? I'll give it to you 100% free!”
Takeomi can’t help but think how much he wants this brat to leave him alone.
“Want me to erase someone? Or would you rather have a pretty girl?... A pretty boy perhaps? ” Right now Ran Haitani is no different than Mephisto. “Tell me what does your heart desire?”
You’re asking me what I want? What does my heart want...even after all these years?
What I always wanted was, what I always wanted was, what I always wanted was, who I always wanted was-
“Takeomi!”
“Shinichiro Sano.” Then, Takeomi might as well play the role of Faust and give into temptation. ”Get me a man who looks like Shinichiro Sano.”
Ran’s eyes opened wide, for the first time in a long time he’s been taken by surprise. He believed Takeomi and Shinichiro Sano had some kind of romantic relationship when they were younger. But now Ran has realized; There'd actually been nothing at all. Takeomi never confessed his feelings, and his love for Shinichiro would forever remain unfulfilled forever.
After all, this ardent greed that has endured the test of time, can only be born from a man who has never managed to possess what he yearned for.
“Fuahahahahahahahaha…ahaha...aaaaahh,” Ran found himself bursting out laughing and holding his stomach while spreading across the couch “Ah~ Is that so~.” Then he put down his cigarette and got up from the couch. “Got it, give me 1 or 2 months.” And finally, with a couple of steps from his longs legs, he crossed the room while waving Takeomi goodbye.
It didn’t even take Ran Haitani a month.
“Good News. I found someone. A young man from Nara.” Ran's voice echoed through the phone, he'd only needed 3 weeks and 4 days, the machine called Bonten has cogs and gears all over Japan. “Joined us 2 months ago, after he was kicked out of his house when his father died from an overdose. Very tragic.” Ran voice is like a bell, filled with the joy of a kid who is getting away with some playful mischief. “Just sent you a picture. If you give the good-to-go. I can get him in Tokyo tomorrow.”
When Takeomi opens the email Ran has sent him he feels himself detaching from his surroundings, holding his breath and beginning to hear a faint ringing in his ears, he feels like he has just seen a ghost.
“-Mi? Takeomi? Are you there?” Ran’s voice brings him back to reality.
“Send me the address to whatever Hotel you bring him, and tell your men to not scare him too much.” Before Ran can give any answer, Takeomi hangs up his phone.
“Shin for the love of god It’s almost 2AM go the fuck to sleep.” Takeomi was bending on the door frame looking at Shinichiro working on his bike, who then drank a sip from the can of coke beside him.“ ’Omi right now my body has more caffeine than blood, I can keep going until dawn easily. By the way, Kodo Rengo. What do you know of their leader?”
Takeomi entered the garage closing the door behind him, “Word on the street is that he’s a monster who managed to take control of the entire east of Kanto in only seven months. I still I don’t understand your need to get between Ragnarok's and Kodo Rengo's beefs. It's better to stay away from both of them.” and turned up one level the old electric fan.
“Are you jealous Takeomi? Don’t worry you’re my number one gal no matter what-Oh shit the oil is leaking. Fuckfuckfuckfuck grandpa is gonna kill me. Takeomi help me clean this mess!”
It’s past eleven o'clock at night and Takeomi Akashi finds himself in one of Tokyo's most expensive hotels, walking towards the room Ran had send him. When two of Bonten’s men see him crossing the hallway and going towards the room they're guarding a “Thank you for your work, sir!” leaves their mouths in unison.
“Don’t shout, there are people in the other rooms.” There’s a slight irritation in Takeomi’s voice. “Leave.”
One of the men, a man on his early thirties opens his mouth. “But sir-” God, a solid bunch of Bonten’s members are so goddam incompetent. “Don’t make me repeat myself, leave this floor.” The young man is about to open his mouth again but his partner a clearly older bodyguard says one final “Sir.” bows and gestures to the younger one to follow him.
Fucking newbies. The executive's orders out-rank any of the protocols.
The moment Takeomi finds himself alone he opens the room’s door, he can’t afford to hesitate for even a second, it's the only way to erase the doubt that has been building up inside him since he finished Ran’s call.
And so, he strode into the room.
1 Step.
He sees a tall man with black hair looking out at the balcony, he seems too lost in his thoughts and hasn't noticed him.
2 Steps.
The clothes the boy wears are very simple; Jeans and a white T-Shirt and Takeomi feels once again the hand crawling on his throat, because when Shin died he was also-
3 Steps.
Takeomi doesn’t know If the floor made a noise when he stepped on it or the boy finally realized someone else was in the room, nevertheless he makes a small bounce and turns around.
Deep obsidian eyes, a pointy yet masculine chin framing a handsome face, the youthful features refusing to leave him, the cheeks, the eyebrowns, the lips...Everything. The young man in front of him is practically the spitting image of Shinichiro Sano.
Said young man then opens his mouth.
“Ah…!”
“Ah! Takeomi! What’s up? I’m almost finished, check this absolute babe, a Harley! Man what a beauty...It’s the first time I’m working on one, I’m so damn excited!”
Takeomi goes completely out of touch with reality, this kind of exhilaration must be what one feels with the strong drugs that Haruchiyo does, and it’s very addicting. He now understands why his little brother keeps chasing the dragon, as Kakuchou calls it, even when he crashes hard after the effects wear off.
As the mist in his mind clears, the figure of Shinichiro appears in front of him once again. Takeomi needs to grab onto a table to steady himself. But he keeps his eyes on Shinichiro.
“Sir, are you okay?” Shinichiro looks at him but is unable to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds. He may be a member of Bonten, but only for a couple of months.
Takeomi takes a deep breath and walks towards the king sized bed and sits on the mattress. “Boy do you know who I am?” Shinichiro remains on his spot right in front of the balcony and follows him with his eyes.
“Takeomi Akashi, Bonten’s Advisor.” Shinichiro's voice and hands are trembling. “I...I was informed by one of my superiors that I would remain within this room for as long as you desired.”
Takeomi pulls up the sleeve of his shirt, revealing the Hanafuda tattoo on his wrist. “That’s right, come closer let me look at you.” Shinichiro remains still for one second, then finally moves from his spot and walks towards Takeomi kneeling in front of him, Takeomi then grabs his face by the chin with surprising delicacy. But it does nothing to stop Shinichiro from shaking. “Don’t call me sir call me Takeomi.”
“...Ta-Takeomi.” To hear his name from Shinichiro's lips was like a spell for Takeomi, after so many years he’s finally hearing Shin talking to him again.
“That’s right.” As if to balance Takeomi’s insane delight Shinichiro is frightened, the fear won’t leave his eyes, even if Takeomi would never hurt Shin.
He’s not Shin, he’s just a very scared boy.
Shin was always on the tips of his fingers but always, always slipped through, looking as though Takeomi would reach him, but was never able to. He was like the wind, something that was impossible to hold. But now, he was holding Shin the way he always wanted.
Takeomi then caressed Shinichiro’s cheek with his hand as he slowly moved his thumb towards his lips and played with them, which made Shinichiro tense up even more. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be scared I'd never hurt you. You know that.”
What’s wrong? I don't get it. Why is Shin so afraid of me?
“...Yes, Si-Takeomi.”
“Again.”
“Takeomi.”
“Again.”
“Takeomi.”
That’s right, Shin is here in this room. Here with me. He isn’t a corpse with a broken skull or a bunch of cold ashes. Shin is right here. Right in front of me and he’s warm and beautiful. He isn’t a ghost and this can’t be the afterlife because I... I...
...Oh, that’s right.
“Suck it.” Takeomi abruptly inserted his thumb into Shinichiro’s mouth. “E-Eh?”
Because I'll never be able to go to the place Shin is, he’s in a peaceful place, but when I die I’m going straight to hell. That’s why I'll never be able to meet Shin ever again, even after I die. I'll never be able to tell him that I love him.
“I want you to suck my cock, is that hard to understand?” A combination of agitation and deliriousness was beginning to grow inside of Takeomi. “N-No it’s okay I-I have experience when it comes to-here let me just.” Shinichiro moved in to open the fly of his trousers.
I. Have. Experience.
After hearing those words, Takeomi saw white.
...What? Why? Then…Then all this time Shin…Shin and I could have…
He felt as if everything was drawn of color and sound.
“Did you manage to stop the leak, Shin?” Asked Takeomi
“Yep I got it, I got it.” merrily answered Shinichiro as he tightened a screw.
“What would you do without me?” Takeomi then got up and moved away from the bike to sit on the old couch.
“I would have drowned in oil multiple times. Holy shit I’m so fucking beat.” Shinichiro cleaned his hands with a dirty towel and sat beside Takeomi. “But really thanks man. I owe you big time.”
“No problem, just let me crash in your place tonight. '' Takeomi closed his eyes and sank into the couch making himself comfortable. “Senju and Haruchiyo?” Shinichiro inquired, “Granny is taking care of them tonight.”
Shinichiro hummed and stared at Takeomi, then a smile appeared on his face. “ ‘Omi you're gonna destroy your neck, you wanna use my thighs as a pillow?” Takeomi immediately opened his eyes and before he could mutter a word Shinichiro made his move. “Here, like this!”
“Shin what the-” Shinichiro grabbed Takeomi by the shoulders and pushed him down placing his head on his thighs. “See? Way more comfortable.”
Takeomi’s mind was going at full speed trying to process what just happened. “Wh-Shin!? Stop it we look like a couple of f-”
“So what? I don’t give a fuck.” Shinichiro genuinely didn’t care, he was just like that. Not having a father drilling into your head what a man does and does not like Takeomi did must've helped. “You aren’t a night owl like me so you must be tired as fuck. C’mon just sleep.”
Takeomi knew Shinichiro, and once he decided on something, it was going to happen. And in this case, Takeomi is gonna take a nap on his thighs. “Okay, Okay...But damn men’s thighs are pretty hard compared to women's. Theirs are so fucking soft like you won’t believe it, like marshmallows.”
Takeomi felt a hand on his hair, then Shinichiro began to caress it. “Shh here I’ll pat your head and everything, so go to sleep. If grandpa knows that we've spend the entire night with the bike he’s going to make me help with the dojo again.”
Even if his hands were rough from fighting and working, they felt so soft, warm and gentle.
“Shin.”
“Hm? What’s wrong?”
“Are you also gonna sleep here on the couch?”
“Might as well sleep here, in any case you're not getting rid of me so easily ya know? And when you wake up too, I’ll also be here. I’ll always be with you.”
Then boiling with rage at the words he just heard, Takeomi punched the figure in front of him. And practically sent Shinichiro flying across the room.
“Whore. You filthy whore.” A moan of pain left Shinichiro's lips.“Did you suck Waka's cock too? Huh?! Of course you did. Waka wanted to fuck you so fucking badly, everyone knew and you just played the innocent boy-next-door act like always!”
Shinichiro felt the iron taste of blood flowing inside his mouth but didn’t dare to look up from the ground. ”Look at me!!” Takeomi stomped towards him grabbed his black locks and inspected his face. Shinichiro was terrified, he had the look of a man who is watching his own death approach and is powerless to stop it.
“Look at me Shin! Can’t you see what I've become without you?!” Takeomi pushed Shinichiro on the ground and sat on top of him.
The bitterness and agony of Shin dying like that.
The emptiness and melancholy of Shin no longer being here.
The resentment and frustration of Mikey refusing to punish the shitty brat who killed Shin.
This wound. This misery. This feeling.
None but Takeomi Akashi would be able to understand. This feeling is the one thing that Takeomi won't let neither death nor time erase…Because it's the rope that binds him and Shin together forever.
And then, he closed his hands around Shinichiro’s neck and clenched.
Takeomi felt the boy beneath him trashing, his lungs were running out of air. “P-Plea…se-” The boy in front of him wasn’t Shin. He couldn't be him, because Shin would never do those filthy things to other men.
“You…You! Saying those words with Shin’s voice…with Shin’s face!!” Because Shin was such a sunny, sincere and kind person.
Then the trashing began to slow down and became weak. Even if he was younger and slightly taller than Takeomi, the boy was quite thin and gawky. Compared to Takeomi, who even nearly on his fourties still had a body built like a boxer, it was impossible for him to overpower Takeomi.
“Ta-Takeomi-” Shut up you fucking slut and just asphyxiate quietly. “I don't wanna die!!”
Shinichiro...Shin was going to die once again.
Takeomi then released his neck.
“KAFF! KAFF!” the boy coughed violently. All Takeomi could do was look at the boy as if in a trance and slowly dragged himself towards him until he put his head on the boy's chest listening to his agitated heartbeat.
“Shin...why did you leave? Without you…Me...Mikey…Everyone is so lost…If only you were here…” Takeomi then began to sob quietly and hugged the young man under him.
Holding him close, as close as he could, as if the warm body beneath him could disappear from this world at any moment.