Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

When Fez got arrested and imprisoned, he committed to himself that this was what he needed to leave his past life behind. He didn't have Ash anymore, he's pretty sure the state was taking his grandmother and she might pass before he was released,  he wasn't on good terms with Rue and Lexi...well after he ditched the play unwillingly, he has a feeling he isn't on her good side and she'll forget about him soon enough. So this was his commitment to himself to turn his life around so when he gets out, he can create the life he wants for himself. A sustainable one, a safe one. 

But for now, he's stuck here. He saw this in his future so he's not surprised that he's in prison. His grandmother has warned him where this lifestyle could possibly end up so none of it really startled him. He spent a lot of time inside keeping to himself, reading, working out, taking walks in the gated outdoor space, passing down the days of his 10 year sentence.

Things are monotonous in here, he thinks thats more punitive than the actual confinement The limitations of what they can do, the routine that cant be changed and can frankly bore one into deliriousness. It's all monotonous for about five months in until he gets an envelope dropped into his cell. He know people often get letters written to them by family members, Fez assumed it was his bunkmate's because he had no one to write a letter, to be missing him/ He picks it up and is about to throw it on his bunkmate's bed, when he sees the front of the envelope.  He feels his stomach drop at Lexi's name and address written on it with his name and the prison's address at the center, he ignores the small heart she put next to his name, doesnt allow himself to read too much into it. He struggles about what to do for days. He was seriously committed to starting anew, he wanted that for himself, to forget everything for the past 18 years of his life. He also wasnt sure if reading Lexi's letter and lingering onto this connection they had beforehand might make his sentence unnecessarily harder.

He allows the envelope to sit unopened under his pillow for three weeks but it haunts him everyday. He realizes its going to drive him ill to keep wondering what she had to say to him so for his own well- being, he decides to just get it over with and read it. 

Fezco,

Hi, I hope you actually get this letter and it doesnt get lost somewhere. If you do, I wanted to you to know I really miss you, I really hope you're doing okay. When I found out what happened,  I was so shocked and heartbroken.  I couldn't believe it, I felt like I lost the closest person to me. I still dont think I fully processed that you're in jail. To be honest, sometimes I forgot what you did was illegal or the fact that it could lead there. I don't know, im just hoping prison isn't as bad as I hear. People with hearts like yours don't belong in places like that so I really hope you're okay. Maybe if you're not, dont tell me because it'll hurt too much. I'm also so so sorry about what happened with Ash. Faye told me he went down fighting which seems fitting but hope you're staying strong through everything. He deserved a lot better than the 13 years he was given but he will be with you always and made it that far because of you. He might have gotten less if you weren't there to care for him. 

I've been sad I haven't heard from you. I heard phone calls are allowed and I know you know my number so I guess Im wondering why you havent called and Im really hoping you might? I miss hearing your voice and just need to hear from you that you're alright so please give me a call

Love, Lexi

.

Lexi is having lunch at the local diner with Jules and Maddy. After everything that happened with Rue and then with Cassie and Maddy, the three of them got pretty close and bonded fairy quickly. As different as the girls were from Lexi, she also felt okay being herself around them which is what mattered most to her. She dips into their plate of shared fries when her phone vibrates in her pocket. She pulls it out and a private number appears on the screen. With furrowed brows, she picks up, "Hello?"

An automated voice comes through on the other line, "This is a collect call from California State Prison. Please press 1 to accept this call."

Lexi's mind and heart starts racing at the possibility. There's no way after five months that it's him? She only knew one person in prison, did he receive her letter? She had low expectations when she mailed it out, doubtful that it would even arrive to him as she was unsure how the mailing system within prisons worked but there's no other explanation for this call. "I think Fez is calling me." She says aloud in disbelief.

"Shit, answer it!!" Jules says. Lexi hesitantly and nervously clicks 1 on her phonepad to accept the call, waiting for a sign of someone else on the other side. She hears the switch from the automated call to a live background of people chatting in the distance, and she is still conceptualizing the possibility that it might be Fez on the other line. 

A deep, slow and familiar voice speaks, "Hello? Lexi?"

Her jaw drops, her eyes immediately water up at the range of emotions that hit her at the sound of his voice. It feels like years she last spoke to him and didn't realize how much she had truly missed it, how comforted she felt by a simple hello. She jumps up out of the booth and out of the diner to sit outside. She slides down against the glass window and onto the pavement, burying her face into her knees. 

"Fez?" She asks. She needs to make sure she isn't hallucinating. She had thought about this moment forever, of him finally calling her.

"Yeah, its me" He replies. And with the confirmation she already knew was coming, Lexi breaks down in tears and she cant even pinpoint where they're coming from. She's excited that he called, but she's also feeling a little overwhelmed but also so relieved he's alive and presumably well but also it hurts that she can hear his voice but wont be able to see him and hug him.

"Lex, come on. Don't cry. I wanna hear your voice" He coaxes her to calm down. It takes her a minute to get herself together, taking intentional and mindful breaths to clear the lump in her throat.

"Are you okay?" She asks voice shakily, her fingers picking at the hem of her dress, "How are you? "

"Im good, I'm good. I mean I'm chillin. It's prison" He chuckles. "Ain't much happening but yeah things are fine. How you doing?"

"Im doing pretty good,  starting to work on college stuff. I can't tell you how good it feels to hear your voice, I really miss you, Fez" she confesses, wiping the tears that wont stop falling.

It shouldnt hurt Fezco as much as it does to hear her voice break confessing that she misses him, he doesn't need to regret anything more than he already has, "Missed you too, girl."

"Im also sorry about Ash, I--"

"Lex." He interrupts. "I dont mean to be rude but Ion wanna talk about that. Please." He adds on at a desperate attempt to talk about something else.

Yeah, of course. I'm sorry" She says and there's a brief pause on the line. "So um why haven't you called me?" She finally asks what's been sitting on her mind since the day he got caught. 

She hears him sigh on the line and some shifting movement in the background before he speaks, "I ain't think you wanted anything to do with me to be honest"

"Why would you think that?  You're one of the most important people in my life."

He chuckles, "You aint gotta hype me up like that now."

"But its true." She replies truthfully.

"Thanks. Yeah, I honestly thought maybe you wouldnt want to, maybe this would be better. Ion know."

"Why would you think that? After the time we spent together?" She asks, looking up at the diner entrance seeing Maddy coming outside, "You okay?" She mouths. Lexi smiles and nods, mouthing back, "I'll come when Im done." And Maddy leaves her to it.

"I dont know but I'll call, I promise. How did your play turn out?" 

She groans at the memory she's been trying to repress, "Oh god, Fez. It was a mess, like Nate was pissed at that part I told you about. I mean the audience loved it--"

"Good, homeboy need to be knocked down a peg or two."

"Yeah but he got angry so Cassie got angry and ruined the play. It was just a mess."

"Im sure it wasnt that bad, the parts you told me about sounded good as hell. You a good writer, you had some good actors. Sure it was better than you making it seem."

"Well thanks Fez." She always appreciated how optimistic he was about things that often and easily sent her into crisis mode, he balanced her in that way. "Can I tell you about college stuff?"

"Yeah of course but I only got 20 min on here, just so you know."

"Okay, okay I'll be quick." Lexi is not quick but Fezco doesn't mind. It just feels so good to listen to her voice and her excitement, lets him mentally escape where he's at physically. Lexi's voice stops mid sentence when an automated voice interrupts them, "You have two minutes left on the call."

"Oh my god I spoke the whole time." She chuckles embarrassingly. "I'm sorry, Fez."

"Aint nothing to apologize for. I'll just have to call you again."

She smiles softly, feeling her cheeks redden, "That'd be nice. Tomorrow?" She asks.

"Actually uh--in here, we can only have a phone call every two weeks, so two weeks from now? On Wednesday?"

"On Wednesday. I'll talk to you soon."

"Have a good day, Lex."

.

Their bi-weekly calls become a frequent occurrence for several months, Fez looks forward to them and its really the only thing in here he has to look forward to. One of the guards has been teasing him about how goofy he always look after his phone calls but he doesnt let it get to him too much, about the feelings he's repressing for that girl. He knows it keeps him going, keeps the weeks from being dreadful and that's what he's focusing on.

"Have you been reading anything good? You said you guys can read from the library, right?" Lexi asks. 

"Yeah, I've been reading a couple things. Between that and working out, been my main entertainment in here."

She chuckles, "Oh my god Fez, are you gonna come out of there all big and massive like in the movies?"

His heart lights up at the sound of her laugh, "Probably not like that. I like working out in here but Ion thing Ima look that different."

"Okay good. I like the way you are now." Fezco never got butterflies before Lexi and still, as far apart as they are, she still manages to give them to him. "Thanks." He replies.

"Are you like weightlifting? Or like running on a treadmill?"

Fez chuckles at the inquiring questions, "You tryna pick up my workout routine or what? I mostly be weightlifting in here."

"Hmm." She replies lightly and doesn't say much else. "You good?" He wonders.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry just visualizing."  She admits with a shy giggle. Fezco's heart almost skips a beat, is she implying what he thinks she is. He doesn't reply with any confusion and keeps it light hearted, "You better stop acting up, you know people listening to our calls, right?"

She disregards his last reply, instead focusing on what she's been thinking about telling him all week. "Fez, I've been meaning to tell you something." She starts, a change in her tone of voice. Almost a hint of reservation in her voice. "Obviously I didnt expect umm--you know, to not see you for a while but uh-I guess I wanted to tell you how I feel-"

"Lexi...don't. Please." He interrupts, clenching his eyes closed when he picks up on where the conversation is going.

"What? Whats wrong?"

"Ion mean to interrupt you but its just I dont really need to hear that. Not when things gonna look different when I get out and you all married and shit. I dont need to be thinking about you any more than I already am. And with all the shit thats changed in my life lately, all the people I lost, I just need one thing to stay the same, Lex. I just need us to be cool and thats it." 

It takes a brief pause for Lexi to reply, "But I just wanted to tell you." She says weakly, in desperate attempt to get him to make space for her confession.

"I got it, thanks. I just dont think we should talk about that again. Can you tell me some more about college? You see any schools?"

She still a bit rattled from his negligence to address what she wants to say and his abrupt change in the topic but she knows they have limited time so she tries to focus in on the conversation and also be empathetic to his situation. "I'm starting soon. I'll be going on tours to see the campus."

"I ain't never been on a college campus."

"Maybe if Im still there when you get out, you can come stay with me."

"Maybe." He says. Fez hadn't told Lexi how long he was going to be in, he didnt want her counting down or expecting anything. He doesn't tell her that he'll still be in here when she graduates, might still be here when she has her own career started and is ready to have a baby. He remembers their phone calls about the futures they respectively wanted. How she wanted her first baby by 30. Back then Fez had imagined he could give that to her. But now, with reality set in, he knew he wasn't meant for her since he would have only been out three years by the time she wanted a child and his life wouldn't be together by then. She deserved more than he could ever give her in this lifetime.

"So Rue and I have been thinking about taking a trip up there to come visit you."

"Ah shit, ya'll aint gotta do that." 

"But we want to. I want to come see you."

"I mean, you could if you want, Lex but I aint expecting nothing." 

"Okay well Im coming to see you." She say definitively, leaving no room for question. 

.

"Wait, do I look okay?" Lexi asks fixing and fluffing out her hair. They traveled up to LA by bus and after the long bus ride, she cant be sure she looks as she did in the mirror this morning. 

"Yeah, you look good. Chill out." Rue tells her as they enter the prison. Rue may have a visited prisons a time or two because she seems to know what to do meanwhile Lexi feels awfully uncomfortable and out of place and almost feels like she's a prisoner herself with the way all the staff are treating them. Without a smile and giving militant directions. 

Meanwhile, Fezco's cell door slides open and he looks up to see a guard at his door, "Your girl is here."

"What?" He asks confused sitting up on the bed.

"You always talking to some girl on the phone, aint you? Think one of 'em is here to see you."

"Oh shit." He jumps up out of bed. "Brunette? She cute?" He asks. Fezco had developed a friendly relationship with a couple of the guards because he was so quiet and to himself and well behaved that it wasnt absolute torture interacting with them like it was for most inmates.

"I aint answering that but it sound like her from the phone calls. She with some chick with wild hair." 

 Fez sucks his teeth, "Man, ya'll gotta stop listening to my calls. Shit, I don't deserve privacy?"

"You're in prison, Fezco, there's no such thing as privacy. Are you going to them or not?"

"Yeah." He says hopping up and sliding his shoes on before fixing up his beard with a couple of strokes, running a hand down the front of his hair as the guard leads the way. When Fezco enters the visiting room and spots Lexi and Rue behind the glass, he can't help but smile. Lately, she's been the only reason to. He sits down across from them and picks up the phone, "Hey." He smiles at them. "Can't believe ya'll actually came up here."

"Lexi told you we would, you got a full beard and shit? You look like a giant oompa loompa in that suit and your beard."

Fezco chuckles at her and almost misses her messy self, "You good? You been taking care of yourself?"

As she answers, his gaze shifts to Lexi who's looking up at him but he cant really read the expression on her face but god she still looks beautiful. Always so effortlessly beautiful. A contrast from the plain peeling, white and dreary walls that surround them. He looks back over at Rue and picks up on a couple words, "sober for a while, sister and college."

"You going to college?" He asks.

"Yeah Ima be staying local though, dont trust myself to be away when everybody gonna be high and shit."

"Im proud of you, forreal." he says looking back at Lexi, "You gon' talk to me?" He teases. She blushes and looks down at her lap. "I'll leave yall for a minute." Rue says and disappears to give them a bit of one on one time.

"Why you looking all shy?" Fezco asks her.

"I'm not." She reddens. "I--I'm just in shock, I think." She says looking up at him. "Why?" He asks.

"I dont know." She mumbles. "I mean maybe sometimes when we talk I can convince myself you're home in your bed like you always were and things are normal. But seeing you like this is just a lot." She forces a smile as she plays with the cord of the phone. "I just want you to be okay, Fez."

"I am okay, I promise you Im good. You aint gotta worry about me. Like it'll tear me up if you worry so please dont. Like things are chill in here, I promise. Ion got problems with nobody so I just stick to myself and let the days go. Im not getting jumped or anything like that if you was worried about that."

"I just, lately Ive been watching these prison movies--"

"Lexi" He laughs. "Thats why you feeling like this way. Stop watching that shit, I'm chilling. Honestly."

She nods and believes him. "I like the beard." She compliments with an endearing smile.

"Yeah?" He asks, scratching at it, "I been too lazy to tidy it up, to be real. I probably look wild right now. Ya'll caught me off guard when you showed up."

She shakes her head, "You look handsome as always."

"Thank you, you dont gotta lie though." He teases. 

"I've been thinking about you a lot, like about--" He already knows where this is going again before she even finishes her sentence and his face hardens at the change of conversation, "We talked about this, Lexi."

"I know, I know but I cant just forget it. I didnt get to fully say what I wanted before and it hurts me to just keep it inside."

"And its gonna hurt me to hear whatever you have to say because Im gonna be constantly reminded of what I could have had if I didnt get caught up in this shit so please, please dont say anything." 

Her lip quivers as she nods and looks up when Rue joins them again. Rue narrows her gaze at her friend, "You alright?" She asks Lexi who nods, "Im fine."

"Let me see them muscles, Lex said you been working out." Rue jokes, he appreciates her bringing the playful energy with her despite the circumstances. He sucks his teeth, "You play too much."

"Man, I really wanted to say sorry for the way that shit went done. Like you family and the way I treated you, I was going through so much shit and I just needed to tell you I'm sorry about all that. Been thinking about that a lot."

Fez nods at the apology, " 'ppreciate that. You know ion take your shit seriously but you messed with grandma and you know thats another thing."

"I know, I messed up but Im doing better now. How much time you got left?" She asking, mentally counting down the months that passed. "9 years and 3 months? Damn, what you gon' be? Nearly 30?"

"Shit, I guess so." His gaze shifts to Lexi's and her face appears frozen, "They gave you 10 years?" She asks, struggling to get the words out as her voice shakes.

"You just finding that out?" Rue asks, confused since they been talking every chance they could. 

"He didn't tell me." She murmurs. 

"Cus you already worried as hell over me, I dont need to give you more of a reason."

"Nine more years, Fez?" She sighs, running her hand over her face. 

"Lex, its gonna fly by." He reassures. "And I honestly think I might get out earlier cus of overcrowding and good behavior. Im not trying to get hopes up but I mean--Im holding onto that a little."

Lexi didnt imagine seeing Fezco would make this all a lot harder, she had anticipated seeing his face would brighten her up, but seeing his face behind a glass wall, jumpsuit on, a guard not too far away just made her sad. It made her so unbelievably heartbroken that Fez would be in these circumstances for nearly a decade. And 10 years? How was she supposed to wait by then when she would be 27? Potentially living in another state or country ready to settle down? She had also imagined he would be the one she would settle with and now that just flipped her world upside down.

.

.

Their bi weekly calls continue up until the beginning of August when Lexi is about to go off to New York for school. The whole summer, Lexi had spoken to Fez. Every Wednesday at 7pm, she would lie out in her yard on her a blanket or cuddled in bed, or on the roof of his store for nostalgic reasons and speak to him, her heart soaring through her chest, the best moments of her week, and also the most heartbreaking when twenty minutes would pass and thats all she would get and would have to wait another 14 days for it again. 

Everything was so great for them during the summer until a phone call in late August. Upon answering the call, Lexi could immediately pick up on his different tone of voice with the first hello. It wasn't nearly as inviting and excited as it usually was.

"Hey Fez, everything alright?"

"Yeah Im good. How you been?"

"I'm doing good, I leave in two weeks for orientation." She shares.

"I know, how you feeling?"

"Im excited to start something completely new, to experience New York but its still scary. Also, our call times might have to change because of the time zone."

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that."

Maybe this is the reason he sounded so distant and she's scared for what he's going to say, "About what?"

"I think you should really focus on your life there, get to meet new people and have fun."

"Yeah...I know. Thats the plan."

"But like--I just dont want us having to talk all the time to get in your way or--"

"Fez, why do you always make it seem like its a chore for me to talk to you? I always want to talk to you.'

"Yeah I know. I just mean," He just spits it out. "I dont want me to stop you from meeting guys and shit like I want you to do that."

"Fez." She rolls her eyes

"Dont hold yourself back."

"Im not interested in anyone else." She explains. 

"You havent gotten to New York yet. Lexi, listen to me. You are not holding yourself back for me, for real. I need you to live your life. Like you dont gotta answer my calls or like--"

They've had this conversation before, some time around early July, Fez had shared his reluctance about their calls continuing when Lexi is off at school, not wanting it to hinder her from fully investing in this new life, not with baggage still at home. They got into a bit of a heated argument about it and in their next call, they apologized and didnt talk about it further. She guesses this is that follow up conversation finally happening.

"You're seriously getting on my nerves with this, Fez. I'm tired of having this conversation. You bought it up before and Im sick of it. I know what I want, Im not a child. I dont need you to tell me to have fun or live my life or whatever. I know that already."

"Im just looking out for you." He defends.

"I didnt ask you to do that, Fez. God, do you think I'm just sitting on my couch everyday crying? Like I can still miss you and be happy in life. Those things can co-exist, you know?"

Her tone feels condescending and it rubs him the wrong way, "Dont talk to me like I'm stupid, Lexi."

"I'm not but you're just--" She sighs. "I feel like every time we talk about this, its always something. Its like you dont trust me to know whats best for me. I think--maybe we just need a couple weeks or something, okay?" She figures maybe some space and distance from their routine calls will give some room for reflection and hopefully help their relationship.

"Yeah, you right. You know what, I'll just go."

"Fez, dont hang up."

"I'll call you soon."

"Fez!"

"I'll call soon, okay?"  And with that, the line goes dead.