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“Hey, why did you never tell me you were dating the Human Torch?”
Peter freezes. This is hell of a bomb to drop on a guy when he’s making sandwiches at F.E.A.S.T. He turns to look at Miles as if he grew an extra head, laughing nervously.
“Cause I’m not dating Johnny?” Peter says, although it sounds way more like he’s asking him. He continues laughing, not sure why he sounds so nervous, while he starts to cut the crusts from another sandwich. “Where did this even come from, Miles?”
Miles squints at him, not starting to make his own sandwich. “You sure about that?”
“I think I’d know if I was dating Johnny,” Peter answers, plain and simple. Because he would. Jesus, he’s the one involved in the relationship. He’d know. “Johnny is my best friend. We live together. Not much to it. Where did you even get this idea from?”
Miles shrugs. “I dunno. Seemed like you guys were dating, is all, but if you’re sure.”
“I am.”
“Okay, Pete.”
“I don’t like your tone,” Peter squints at him, suspiciously. “This conversation isn’t over.”
Miles is so very clearly trying to hide his laughter. “Sure, Pete.”
And it’s just one of those things, isn’t it? Miles is like, seventeen. Teenagers think everything is about romance and love at that age. Peter certainly thought everything revolved around his hormones when he was seventeen. So he should definitely let it go, because it’s like, entirely stupid and not worth his time. Just one of those things kids say.
So of course he brings it up to Johnny.
“You know, Miles asked me if we were dating,” Peter says. “Like, that’s crazy. What even gave him that idea?”
Johnny laughs, perhaps louder than Peter expected him to. It’s not that funny, either. “Miles said that? He’s so funny. He’s like, better than you at being Spider-Man, and also funnier.”
“This is exactly why I wonder about Miles ever thinking we were dating. You are horrible to me.” Peter allows a beat to pass. “He is thinking that, though. Point is, you don’t even sound shocked.”
“I mean, it’s not the first time someone asks me,” Johnny says like it’s nothing. Peter lifts up his head. “Hey, why are you looking surprised? You know Sue thought we were dating for like, the entirety of your senior year?”
“What?” Peter asks. “She never mentioned it to me!”
“Well, she did to me,” Johnny, now deeming the conversation clearly not as engaging, goes back to making lunch for them. Peter spares another moment to be offended that this conversation isn’t as ground-breaking to him as it is to Peter. “Probably thought you’d freak out. Like you are right now.”
“No such thing. Which senior year, anyway? I hated you in senior year of high school, but I am willing to make a case about senior year of college.”
Johnny considers this. “Both? I’m pretty sure she also thought we were dating when you hated me.”
“Why does everyone think that! You were unbearable! You know, Reed asked me about that.”
“Reed?”
“Yeah, like two years later, he was like Son—not like it’s my business, but back then, were you and Johnny…? And I had to be like, Dear God, Reed.”
“I can’t believe he can be that much of a gossip.”
“Never trust a pretty face,” Peter sighs. “Point is. We’re not dating, are we, Torch?”
“Are we?” Johnny cocks his head. “I feel like we’d know, right?”
“I think we’d be the first ones to know.”
“Yeah, true. So we aren’t. Good to know,” Johnny says, “So I’m not missing any anniversaries. Here’s lunch.”
“Thanks, Torch. You’re the best.”
“I know.”
“So I talked it over with Johnny,” Peter says as they swing, “and we are definitely not dating. So, y’know, there’s your answer.”
“You talked it over with Johnny?” Miles asks back, baffled, like he can’t believe Peter is an adult capable of holding conversations about love. Which he totally is. If anyone cared. “Man, then I guess you’re not. But you have to admit it’s funny that you had to confirm with him. I thought you definitely knew you weren’t dating him.”
“W—well,” Peter stammers. Damn, that’s a good point. Why’s Miles so smart? Peter feels like he has miles (no pun intended) (actually, pun intended. Peter is so funny) left to catch up with him. “It’s nice to talk about your feelings to your friends.”
Miles hums. “That’s a good point.”
“Thank you!”
“But do you want to be dating him?”
“I—what?” Peter misses the next shoot. He almost falls right to his death. He gains composure back, and he’s pretty sure Miles can catch the scandalous look he gives him even from under his mask. “Why would I want to be dating Torch?”
“I dunno. I'm just asking. I'm taking that as a no.”
“Take it as you will,” Peter answers. Hm. Is he deflecting the question? They stop on top of a police station. “Let me just be fast so we don't talk to any more cops than necessary.”
He dials up Yuri as fast as he can. “Yuri. We're on the roof.”
“Got it.”
“Hey, Captain Watanabe,” Miles starts, “do you think Spider-Man and the Human Torch are dating?”
“Are they not?” Yuri asks in her usual annoyed tone. “I'll be upstairs in a second.”
“Miles!”
“See, it's not just me. You're still avoiding my question, by the way.”
“I said take it as you will!”
This is ridiculous. Of course he—doesn’t… want… to be dating Johnny…
Yeah, that is absolutely off the plan. Right. As if he’d ever date Johnny.
“Do you think I’d ever date Torch?” Peter asks Felicia.
Felicia looks up from the diamond she is very much intending to steal. “Are you talking about your current love interest to your ex?”
Peter quickly looks around, already planning which possible exit spots Felicia could have that she thinks he hasn’t noticed, and discreetly begins sending out his Spider-Bot. The little guy has been configured to be quieter, these days, thanks to Ganke, so it slips without her noticing. Back to the conversation, Peter shrugs.
“I mean, it’s like—I’m asking you because you know us both, right? And you’ve dated me, Felicia. And maybe Johnny! So I figure I’d ask.”
Felicia, bless her heart—but not that much, since, y’know, she’s stealing— does stop with her hands on the diamond, looking up to Peter on the ceiling like they are having the most normal of conversations.
“I always thought you boys were obsessed with each other,” Felicia smiles in that devilish way only she can. “Take that as you will, Spider.”
She disappears in the blink of an eye, and Peter says, “Oh come on, that is so not an answer!”
At least the Spider-Bot is blocking some exits. He’ll take small wins where he can get them.
“And then I asked Felicia about it.”
Johnny cocks an eyebrow. “You asked Black Cat about it.”
“Yeah. I mean, I guess she can do a solid read out of both of us. So she said, and I quote, that we’re obsessed with each other. I don’t know what to make of it.”
Snorting, Johnny reaches over him to grab at the bowl of chips. “No, I agree. You’re obsessed with me.”
Peter makes a scandalized noise. “I’m sorry, what? Excuse me?”
“No, like, you have a thing for me.”
“Let’s think back to a year ago. I invite you to come with me on this journey, a year ago, when someone— a man named Johnny Storm, A.K.A the Human Torch —asked me— Peter Parker—to move in with him. You asked me. ”
“Uh, because you needed a place to live?”
“So you didn’t move in with me because you wanted to?”
“I mean, I do want to live with you. It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed with you. You are obsessed with me, though, and I can’t blame you—because who isn’t —” Johnny neatly dodges the mock-slap Peter tries to give him. “But Felicia told me you once called her Johnny. So. Point for me.”
Oh my God. He did. Peter hides his face behind his hands.
“I made her promise she wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“Well. Tough luck, buddy.”
“I swear it wasn’t in bed.”
“...I didn’t assume it was, but thanks for clarifying, man.”
“You’re welcome. I don’t know why I said that. God. Maybe I am obsessed with you. Why are you not obsessed with me? Talk about relationship imbalance.”
“So I guess that’s progress,” Peter tells Miles. “Mutual obsession with each other. That’s what me and Johnny have. He’s like totally obsessed with me. Nuts, I tell you.”
Ganke, who was doing some modifications on his tech, looks up from his little project. “That’s kinda cute.”
“In a way,” Miles agrees. “So, uh… congrats?”
“On?”
“On having a relationship with Torch,” Miles says, looking confused. “That’s what you’re telling me, right? Congrats, man. Hope you’re both happy.”
“I,” Peter seems to keep digging himself into hole after hole. “Thanks.”
It does make warmth bloom inside his chest, at the thought of officially being recognized as a couple with Johnny.
Oh my God.
Peter’s a fucking idiot.
Johnny stares at him blankly.
“You are the only person in the universe who could get into this type of situation,” Johnny says, as if he’s also not the only person in the universe who would go through this exact same thing. “Why didn’t you just correct him?”
“Because,” Peter lifts up one finger. “One, I didn’t want Miles to think I’m an idiot.”
“Which you are.”
“Thanks. But Miles doesn’t have to know that!” Peter argues back. Then, lifting another finger, “Two, I realized I might actually be in love with you. No joke.”
“Are you being serious?” eyes wide, Johnny continues, “Because I realized I was in love with you a month ago and I thought I was insane, but if you also are in love with me, then maybe I am not as insane.”
“Only a month ago? What did I even do a month ago?”
“You put salt in your orange juice and I wanted to kiss you.”
“I thought wanting to kiss you when you did stupid things was the normal reaction anyone had towards you!” Peter says. “Don’t your fans think the same?”
“My fans are also in love with me, Pete.”
They regard each other briefly. Before they know it, they’re bursting into laughter.
At this rate, their first kiss is going to take another eight years.