Chapter Text
TIRED
I am so tired of waiting,
Aren’t you,
For the world to become good,
And beautiful and kind?
Let us take a knife
And cut the world in two-
And see what worms are eating
At the rind.
- Langston Hughes (1902-1967)
When Obi-Wan started to Fall, it was not influenced by politicians or greed. When Qui-Gon died, it was not that moment that pushed him over the edge. When Satine died, it wasn’t even that moment. It was Anakin; it was always Anakin.
A mission during the Clone Wars. They split up for some such reason, even though they were better together than apart.
Two halves of one warrior.
It felt like only moments later that Anakin’s pain through their bond, anguish, despair, nearly crippled Obi-Wan. It all bled into Obi-Wan until he couldn't see straight. For Anakin to feel this much, he must be dying. It was the only thing that made sense when Obi-Wan looked back on this moment, later, in his cot.
Obi-Wan saw red. The Dark Side whispered to him; that it could keep Anakin safe. It could give him the power to never be afraid for this reckless man again.
The Jedi in him screamed no, but the attachment he felt, greedily accepted this offer, if only a little bit.
Jedi don’t give the cool, steely Dark Side enough credit. It knew it wouldn’t be able to have Obi-Wan all at once. It knew it would have to slowly seduce the perfect Jedi. So it gave him a taste, so small, but enough to save Anakin from the ever enclosing droids. Obi-Wan had enough power to reach out his hand towards the droids, feel each of their circuits giving them life, and crush them. When he closed his hand, hundreds of droids were crushed into dust.
“Obi-Wan?” Anakin gasped, both in pain and shock. Obi-Wan looked down at Anakin, his crumpled body on the ground, the way he held his side, the blood dripping down his forehead. The Dark Side whispered it’s goodbye, it’s oily fingers sliding along the Jedi’s Force Signature before leaving him completely.
Obi-Wan felt only relief as he fell to his knees and checked over the younger man, who leaned into every touch from Obi-Wan.
It was then that he began to have Force visions.
They were in their cabin that night, easily convinced to share the room with the overcrowding on the Star Destroyer. Their two cots were pushed together, although the two men did not claim to share a bed.
Anakin wasn’t sneaky enough to hide the concerned looks he kept shooting Obi-Wan’s way as he readied himself to sleep. Obi-Wan sat on his portion of the bed and closed his eyes, intending to fall into a light meditation.
“How did you do that?” Anakin finally spoke up, of course when Obi-Wan finally took action to center himself.
“You will have to be more clear about what you’re referring to,” Obi-Wan replied lightly, eyes still closed. He heard the cot pushed up to his, creak a little with the weight of Anakin getting on it.
“Open your eyes,” Anakin demanded. Obi-Wan had a fear. He only had the smallest taste of the Dark Side, but what if his eyes… what if they reflected the glorious, deadly power he controlled so briefly. What if Anakin could sense the weakness in him?
Obi-Wan opened his eyes. Anakin looked deep into them as if he was searching for something more. The older Jedi felt his heart racing, knowing Anakin had to know this dark secret. Apparently, though, Obi-Wan was saved from accusations this time. Anakin seemed to come up with a conclusion all on his own.
“You must have been so worried about me that you accessed some latent power,” Anakin came up with, sounding more like the Knight Obi-Wan trained him to be. Obi-Wan felt sick, but he secured his mental shielding and nodded.
“I felt your pain,” Obi-Wan confirmed. He wanted to say more, he wanted to tell Anakin he made a deal with the Dark Side, to beg for forgiveness, but those blue eyes pierced into him and his smile cut into his soul.
“You’re such a softie,” Anakin teased, flopping back on his side of the cot.
“Only you would consider using that much power as being soft .” Obi-Wan shifted, moving to lean over Anakin. He felt the overwhelming need to convince Anakin to stop being so foolish.
Anakin froze, eyes glued onto him, the audible sound of his breath catching in his throat the most tempting thing Obi-Wan had heard in a long time. His eyes fell to that slender throat, exposed and so beautiful. “You need to be careful, Anakin.”
Obi-Wan knew it was a fruitless endeavor, to try to persuade Anakin to be safe, but he couldn’t be weak again. He couldn’t accept help from the Dark Side again. It was already on the edges of his mind, pulling his thoughts back to how easily it was to save Anakin.
Obi-Wan was so close, his hair brushed Anakin’s skin, something making him lean closer and closer. He saw his Adam’s apple bob as Anakin swallowed and then - Obi-Wan really couldn’t believe how frustrating Anakin was - tilted his head back more.
Do it. This is your reward.
The words were an icy breeze on his mind and suddenly he blinked, snapping himself out of it. He pulled back from Anakin’s very supplicant form abruptly.
“We should get some sleep,” Obi-Wan said, voice tight. Anakin sighed, as if he expected this, and rolled over.
“You’re right,” Anakin said, petulant as ever. “You probably exhausted yourself. Good night.”
When he slept, the Force continued to punish him, showing him a vision of Anakin screaming. Lava consuming. Rage devouring.
A vision.
And Obi-Wan knew he was too weak.
“You need to be careful, Anakin.”
Anakin knew he fucked up the moment he was utterly surrounded by hundreds of droids. He knew he was fucked when he was shot multiple times and hit his head hard enough to split the skin. What he didn’t know was that he was shouting his feelings down the bond Obi-Wan and him shared.
So when Obi-Wan showed up, all bright light and fire, crushing the droids around him in one swift movement, Anakin was speechless.
The older Jedi was a marvel to watch on the battlefield, but this was something else. The power that flowed through him was breathtaking.
And now, Obi-Wan was leaning over his prone body, low enough that his hair tickled Anakin’s face. Obi-Wan’s blue eyes drifting from his parted lips down to his neck, exposed. He felt a pulse in their bond, something he’d never felt before. Ice crackled over the golden threads, melting upon touching the warmth of it.
It felt dangerous. Anakin liked it.
He couldn't breath, scared he’d break the spell, but he moved slightly, wanting to give Obi-Wan what he clearly wanted. The Jedi’s pupils dilated briefly, and Anakin prayed this would be the moment Obi-Wan officially crossed the line into something more.
Anakin always wanted more.
Especially from this man.
But Obi-Wan pulled back suddenly and Anakin was left bereft. He huffed a sigh and rolled over, mostly trying to hide any obvious physical reactions to Obi-Wan’s attention and proximity.
Anakin checked his mental shields, there must be a crack somewhere if Obi-Wan felt his pain during the battle. The warm body at his back was so distracting though.
“Good night,” he muttered, trying to shut out any feelings. Kriff , he was a mess. Obi-Wan was so close, so close , when he was leaning down, pupils blown wide. Anakin had never seen him so obviously attracted to him before. It must have been the worry he felt earlier driving him, but… there was something about it. A lingering longing (lust?) in their bond.
Anakin closed his eyes, but he could only imagine Obi-Wan finishing what he started. Closing the distance, placing kisses along his neck and lower, along his collarbone. All before rising back up and placing the sweetest kisses on his lips.
Sleep would be hard to find tonight.