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“Ed?” Stede asks uncertainly into the darkness. He gets no answer. It has been six weeks since his return to The Revenge, since he and the crew had pitched up half dead in its wake and been taken back aboard.
Ed’s anger had not withstood the sight of Stede, emaciated, sunburned, and desiccated, climbing painfully back aboard and falling at his feet for forgiveness. In fact, it hadn’t withstood the widely circulated news of Stede’s death.
Ed had wept openly at the sight of him – though he hadn’t looked much better, truth be told – and waved away his apologies and explanations before taking him into the cabin to once again nurse back to health.
Once Stede had recovered, they resumed their previous co-captaining arrangement with little discussion. And it was… lovely. He’d been so afraid Ed would discard him regardless of what atonement he tried to make. But Ed didn’t even want to hear it. He seemed determined to have things back the way they were before.
And Stede is grateful. He can hardly ask for more after what he’d done, could he? He tries daily, hourly, to remind himself he doesn’t even deserve this much. To have Ed back, his ship back, his crew alive - even Lucius, saved and sheltered by Frenchie in the cargo hold. And they worked together better than ever. They shared everything. They even joked and teased as they had before. It’s like none of Stede’s mistakes had happened.
But it’s also like that moment on the beach had never happened. Like they had gone back to the last time they’d been on the ship together and nothing had been said. Ed is everything Ed had always been to him. Except. Except he doesn’t touch him. Not even in friendly camaraderie, not even when passing him a bottle or helping him with his fighting form. It is driving Stede slowly mad.
Maybe this is his punishment for his cowardice. He’s been forgiven, but he can’t be trusted as a partner, at least not an intimate one. Or maybe Ed, given the time to reconsider, had just… changed his mind. That would hardly be surprising - Stede had barely been able to believe what he was offering even when their lips had been pressed together and he could feel the passion pouring off the pirate captain.
He wants to feel that again. So badly it’s killing him, like a vise on his heart growing tighter every day. But that door feels shut, from the moment he’s come back aboard, and he doesn’t feel like he has the right to knock on it. No matter how tenderly Ed had cared for him in those first few days after his return. It’s agony lying here in the dark, just feet away from the man, wondering.
Ed had made his bed on the floor tonight - once Stede was recovered, they had begun to alternate the use of the bunk since the divan had gone in the ocean along with pretty much everything else. Having the bed does not make Stede feel any better. It merely highlights how alone he feels there. And tonight, he just can’t bear it any longer. He has to know, at least.
“Ed?” He whispers again, somewhat louder.
“Hrrrm… alright, Stede?” Ed finally mutters sleepily.
“Yes, quite,” he replies automatically. Then, “No. No, I suppose not.”
Ed is instantly alert. “What’s wrong?” he demands, sitting up and sounding ready for a whole Spanish Armada to break down the door.
“Oh no, nothing!” Stede hastens to say. “I mean, nothing like that. Sorry. Didn’t mean to alarm you.”
He can feel Ed relax minutely, but he’s still coiled and anxious, waiting for Stede to explain himself. He has to say something.
He shuts his eyes in the dark and forces out the words all in a rush before he can lose his courage. “WoulditbealrightifIsleptonthefloorwithyou?”
“Eh?”
Stede clears his throat and tries again. “I mean… I was wondering… if you would mind… If I slept down there. Nearer to you. If that’s alright.”
There is a long pause. “Why?”
“I… don’t know,” he chickens out. “Sorry, forget it. Dumb idea. I shouldn’t have woken you.”
“No,” Ed says too quickly. “I mean, no, it’s not dumb. And it’s fucking freezing tonight. That’d be… fine.”
It is not the least bit cold and the polite lie makes Stede’s heart contract sharply. Awkwardly he gathers his bedding and arranges himself on the floor, next to where Ed is kipping without actually being close enough for anyone to accuse them of sharing a bed.
Ed lets out a long, unsteady breath and settles back down. Stede can just make out in the moonlight filtering through the windows that the other man is facing him, only about a foot away.
“Thank you,” Stede says in his politiest tone.
“Mmm,” Ed acknowledges with a grunt. Long long moments pass in which both men try to pretend to be asleep and fail miserably.
Finally, Ed makes an irritated sound. “This is stupid. What’s the point of you being down here if you’re gonna be all the way over there? Might as well sleep in the bed and spare your back.”
“Oh,” says Stede, his stomach churning with humiliation. “I suppose you’re right. Silly. I’ll go back…”
“Or… you could move closer.” Ed says this with studied carelessness. “For warmth, innit?”
Stede already feels like he’s back in the dinghy, baked in the Caribbean sun, skin radiating the day’s heat back into the night. Still, almost unable to believe his daring, he scooches closer until he can feel the warmth radiating off Ed’s body, Ed’s exhalations on his face. He’s breathing more shallowly and faster than a sleepy man ought.
Stede catches the smell of his skin and of his breath. The one is salt and musk and leather mingled with a bergamot soap Stede had found on a raid and proudly presented to Ed as a gift. The other is an indescribable mixture of warm, human scents that is utterly unique to Ed and makes Stede involuntarily salivate at the thought of tasting him again.
Stede lies very still, even though his body is sending signals to do something, anything but. He wonders what Ed is smelling off of him. It’s an effort to keep his breathing regular and he’s sure his heart is pounding so loudly everyone on the ship can hear. He’s not even certain what he’s hoping to accomplish by this little exercise - what he really wants is so impossible he won’t let himself name it, even in his head alone at night when no one would know. He just wants… more than this. More than it’s been since he returned.
“Ed?” He whispers again, this time so softly it’s almost like he’s hoping not to be heard.
“Yeah?” Ed replies instantly, no trace of sleepiness about him.
“Can I… um… ask you something?”
“ ‘Course, mate. Anything.”
It isn’t really that he’s brave enough to bring it up. It’s more that at this point he’s far more afraid not to. Of all the many things that scare him, the thing that now scares him the most is the thought of living his whole life without Blackbeard’s touch ever again. He inhales deeply. “Are you ever going to kiss me again, Ed?”
Ed’s breathing stops for a full minute and it takes all Stede’s self-control to not start apologizing immediately. Finally, Ed swallows dryly, resumes respiration, and asks in a queer, husky voice, “Do you want me to kiss you?”
Stede feels hope in the room, even if it hasn’t fully reached his heart yet. He’s afraid if he moves even an inch he’ll scare it off.
“I do,” he quavers.
There is a perfect moment of silence and stillness and anticipation and fear. And then, suddenly Ed is nose-to-nose with him, lips not quite touching. Stede is overwhelmed with the nearness of his body, even though he can only just make out his hulking shape in the darkness. He trembles with suppressed emotion.
Before he can start to doubt again, Ed’s lips find his and press against them, slightly parted, questioning and inviting. Relief floods Stede’s brain, and he kisses him back, meeting Ed’s tongue timidly with his own. Ed’s mouth is the most comforting thing he’s ever tasted and he wishes he could just live right here inside it, forever.
When Ed shifts even closer to him and slips a strapping, bare arm around his shoulders, Stede bursts into tears.
Ed withdraws, alarmed and Stede shakes his head quickly, “No, no, it’s not that!” He sniffles. “I’m sorry, that was just so perfect and I was so afraid it would never happen again...”
“Christ, mate, you scared me!” Ed exclaims, but without reproach. “I just… I didn’t think you wanted to any more. I thought you changed your mind or summat. You faked your death to get away from me!”
“Oh!” Stede is horrified by the misunderstanding. “Oh no! I faked my death to get back to you.”
He does his best to untangle the story, including finally explaining to Ed the horrible things Chauncey had put in his head. He hasn’t wanted to tell Ed that part, for fear the pirate would agree with Chauncey’s assessment. But clearly that had been a mistake. “I was a coward for leaving you but it was never because I didn’t want to be with you.”
Ed’s entire body, which had been rigid and tense, suddenly loosens and he leans bonelessly into Stede. “Oh, thank fuck,” he exhales.
“You really thought I didn’t want to be with you? But why else would I have come back?”
Ed shakes his head. “Dunno. I was just so chuffed you came back at all, that you weren’t dead. Didn't wanna ask any questions that might send you away again. I… made myself… be okay with just having you here.”
“But you… weren’t?”
In answer, Ed envelopes him in his great arms and kisses him again, this time not holding back but plunging his tongue so deeply into Stede’s mouth it feels like he’s trying to breathe through Stede’s lungs. Stede melts into him, allowing himself to be made small in his embrace.
When they break the kiss, Stede butts his head under Ed’s chin and curls against him. “Oh, my darling,” he breathes. “I never want to live without you.”
He feels Ed’s lips in his hair, but Ed says nothing for a long moment, only holds him tighter.
At last he says, “No one’s called me that before. Darling.”
“I can call you something else,” Stede offers. “I know it’s not… manly.”
Ed kisses his temple with the most gentle flutter of lips Stede can imagine. “No. I… I like it. It makes me feel good. You make me feel good.”
Stede sighs deeply and burrows his face into Ed’s chest. Which he has just realized is fully bare and smells of oilcloth and electrical storms. Ed growls softly in response, a sound that travels straight to Stede’s core and starts an astounding set of physical reactions tingling within him.
After a few moments of simple, blissful holding each other, Ed shifts, reaching for something.
“Everything okay?” Stede asks, afraid he’s somehow done something wrong.
“I just wanna see you. In the light. Yeah?”
Stede gulps back his fear. “Yeah,” he agrees weakly.
Ed skillfully lights a lantern and sets it safely out of reach, then returns to Stede and takes him in his arms again. This time he looks down at Stede’s face in the flickering light and combs his fingers through Stede’s wavy locks.
“Better,” he declares, giving Stede his best smile. The one that crinkles around his eyes and lights him up from the inside.
“Like what you see?” Stede asks, trying to sound playful while secretly terrified of the answer.
Ed must sense his fear because he smooths his hair back again and grins. “Love it, mate. In fact, I think… I love you.”
Stede thinks for a moment he must be dead, because he could never imagine anyone, much less this mighty, heroic man saying that to him in life. But he manages to reply anyway, on the off chance this is real. “I love you too, my dearest, my darling Ed.”
Ed beams, a little disbelieving himself, and Stede makes bold to kiss him this time, a kiss that feels like he’s holding on for dear life, like someone might come and rip Ed from his arms at any second. Ed kisses back just as passionately, just as desperately until they both finally relax into each other and slowly release, reassured.
Ed looks at Stede with a strange expression and then starts laughing with nothing less than pure wonder and delight and it’s infectious. Stede tries to stay solemn but fails utterly in the face of Blackbeard’s joy. In a moment he too is giggling in a combination of happiness and shock and together they laugh and hold each other until tears flow and there is no breath left in either of them.
They sink back against each other. Neither of them really wants to say anything for a while and both need time to re-oxygenate. But Stede notices in the stillness that the heat is back, and has relocated itself from his skin’s surface to his groin. He tries to ignore it, so utterly content just to be held by Ed, but Ed notices the change and smirks devilishly.
“Alright, Stede? Or d’you… need something?”
Stede coughs, embarrassed. Owning his desire is not something he’s practised in. He doesn’t want Ed to think all this is nothing but carnal lust on his part. And as always, a loud of part of his brain is shrieking of shame and sin and hellfire for even thinking any of these things.
Stede is suddenly very aware of his body. Of the silk nightshirt that now feels scandalously thin. Of the linen pants that are painfully tight. And he’s more aware of Ed’s body, which he didn’t think was possible.
“Um… are you… naked?” Stede squeaks.
In answer, Ed throws back the sheet to expose the rest of his torso and hips, leaving only his legs and what lies between them covered. Barely. He raises an eyebrow in invitation at Stede.
Stede’s glance snaps to the crease between Ed’s thigh and hip and follows it until it disappears under the fabric, a tuft of dark hair hinting shamelessly at what’s below. He can feel himself grow hard from the sight and his cheeks redden in mortification.
Ed catches his face in his large, rough hands. He’s biting back amusement, to be sure, but also seems genuinely sympathetic.
“Fuck, mate,” he says, reading Stede’s expressions. “I get it. We heard the same sermons as kids. I thought I was goin’ to hell too. But then I reckon maybe hell is the place to be, if that’s where all the fun is. And now I think it doesn’t matter because anywhere I’m with you is heaven. But, point is, no need to rush. I don’t want bad feelings for either of us, ever. Right? We got our whole lives to do whatever we want. And if what we do is just hold each other like this every night, and kiss, and say sweet things… well I’m more’n alright with that.”
Stede smiles up at him, a bit tearily. “You’re so kind to me, my darling Ed. The truth is, I want… more… with you. I want everything with you. I’m just afraid.”
“Of what?”
It tumbles out in a rush. “That I don’t deserve to be happy. To have good things. To have you. That I’ll be bad at it, won’t be able to do what you want or need. That this is some great universal set-up designed to dangle what I want most in front of my face and then yank it away again to punish me. That anything I want, anything pleasurable has to be bad because I’m the one wanting it and I only ever want things that are wrong...” Stede had never actually analyzed the conditioned fear and guilt before and feels a little silly saying all that aloud. It takes a bit of the power out of it, though.
Ed shrugs. “Well, you won’t be bad at it, I can tell you that much. And as for the rest… I’ve never been punished for indulging desires and I’ve done loads more wrong than you. You’re… like the purest man I’ve ever met,” he says fervently. “Everything I’ve ever seen you want is good, and everything you’ve done for me has made me better. And any god who wants to punish you for lovin’ is going to have to talk to me first!”
Stede can’t help but snicker at that, but it’s genuinely heartening too. And he’s tired of resisting himself, every single moment of every single day. He’s tired of hating himself and denying himself and having absolutely none of it matter. He’s said no to this his whole life and it’s never gotten him anything good. What if, just to see, he says yes for once? He reaches up and weaves a hand bravely into Ed’s glorious hair, pulling softly at it. “You do make sense there,” he admits.
“An’… I don’t like to tell you this, but I guess it’s only fair since you told me an’ all. I’m scared too.”
Stede is mildly stunned. “What do you have to be scared of?”
Ed shrugs. “You,” he says simply. “You’re fucking terrifying, mate.”
“Why me?”
Ed sighs awkwardly. “Well, I done my fair share of screwing around. But it’s all get in, get off, get out, innit? Never fucked anyone I cared about. Never cared about anyone like I care about you. None of this… holding and kissing stuff. It’s all been rough and fast and hard. Don’t get it twisted, that sorta thing can be… very fun at times. But I’m afraid I’ll mess it up with you, hurt you or somethin’. I don’t have much experience bein’…gentle. Or slow.”
Stede, who has still been struggling to master his own fear, finds that with that speech it dissipates instantly. Ed is afraid and asking him for reassurance. For softness and tenderness. That, he can do. All his fear instantaneously transforms into an intense, driving desire to lavish Ed with affection and love until he can no longer doubt his own worth or Stede’s devotion.
Suddenly feeling more confident, Stede climbs into Ed’s lap and begins running his fingers through his lustrous hair and beard and planting soft, wet kisses in the crook of his neck. “I trust you, Ed,” he whispers, meeting his smouldering brown eyes. “You won’t hurt me.”
This apparently is the right thing to say, as Ed gathers him back up and starts slowly caressing Stede’s thigh underneath his nightshirt. The sheet is still between them but Stede can feel him shift and grow harder underneath it.
“This ok?” Ed asks, making his way further up Stede’s leg, dangerously close to his groin now.
“Yes,” Stede manages, as his stomach flips more wildly than it ever had in the biggest wave in the biggest storm he’d ever faced. “You can touch me anywhere you want.”
Ed lets out a pleased growl at this. “Same,” he rumbles, burying his face in Stede’s curls while his hands are still making his way up Stede’s legs.
Stede smiles into his neck and moves lower, planting reckless kisses on his chiseled collarbone and burrowing into the forest of Ed’s chest hair with his fingers. Why couldn’t this be his religion instead? The worship of Edward Teach’s body, from top to bottom. He’d be the devoutest votary who ever lived.
“Perfect,” he murmurs into Ed’s sternum. He realizes from the brief pause in the other man’s touches that perhaps no one has ever said something like that to him before.
He traces one of the lines of Ed’s Kraken tattoo as it loops around his torso, first with a finger and then with his mouth. “You are absolutely perfect,” he says, louder this time. He lets his normally concealed poetic streak run free. “Gorgeous, my love, every inch of you. Men should write hymns about your beauty, your rugged, dark, disciplined strength. No wild thing was ever so bright as you shine, no warrior so brave as your heart beats. Like a hero out of distant mythology, a godling, my prince. The epitome of loveliness.”
Ed blooms under this praise, every part of him getting more confident and relaxed - well, with the notable exception of one part that is not in the least relaxed. He moves his hands to Stede’s hips and then stomach, running his fingers along Stede’s bare skin lightly, prayerfully.
A soft moan escapes Stede just from Ed’s hands under his clothes. He realizes how touch-starved he’s been in his life. Most of his body hasn’t been touched by another since infancy, certainly not bare skin to skin. What little intimacy he’d had with Mary kept as many layers between them as possible. His cock has been touched more than his waist or his legs or his chest, he realizes with a jolt. Not that that’s saying much.
Ed rightly takes the sound as encouragement and expands his exploration to Stede’s lower back and chest, his huge hands eating up great expanses of Stede’s body, devouring his ribcage, pausing now and then to more deeply investigate a curve or a mole or a scar on their journey. Ed’s right hand is supporting the small of Stede’s back when his left finds one of Stede’s nipples and fondles it almost casually.
The inside of Stede’s head explodes. A lightning strike of intense pleasure runs directly from his nipple to his cock, tearing a filthy, indulgent cry from his lips. Ed leers at his reaction, and at the reaction from Stede’s cock, which is now straining at his pants painfully.
“Off?” Ed asks, pulling at Stede’s nightshirt, already hiked to his waist.
“Yes, please,” Stede gasps, allowing himself to be efficiently stripped. The moment he is free, he presses his chest into Ed’s, winding his legs tighter around his waist, seeking as much skin contact as possible.
Ed seems to understand what he wants and shifts to allow maximal touching, slowly running his hands up and down Stede’s back and nibbling gently at his ears and the back of his neck. Stede feels parts of himself he thought long dead stirring inside him, like flowers springing up at the first drops of water during a desert spring. He makes little sounds of quiet satisfaction, nourishing himself with Ed’s body.
He’d known, distantly, that he liked men for as long as he can remember. But he’d had so little contact with them, kept himself so carefully apart, he’d never really thought about what that meant, physically, viscerally. He’s been living on bread and water and suddenly been gifted a feast of masculinity, all the best parts of it, for all his senses at once. Strength, virile potency, ferocity entwined with vulnerability, compassion, restraint. All this wildness wrapped up in a package of living oiled teak wood, covered in a pelt of salt and peppered hair, and smelling of battle, sex, and Earl Grey tea. Meekly offering itself to Stede.
Ed is humming sublimely beneath him, a study in stoic intensity, yearning but unhurried. His serene patience destroys Stede’s. He suddenly can’t go another instant without tasting Ed’s mouth again, and looks up to kiss him deeply, thirstily, drinking him down. Ed’s eyes sparkle mischievously when they break apart. “I wanna try something,” he says, and his voice has gone subsonic. Stede feels the words in his chest rather than hearing them. He nods.
Slowly, telegraphing his moves, Ed leans down and takes Stede’s nipple between his lips. Barely even licking, just holding it there in his lushly wet, hot mouth.
Stede whimpers helplessly, the sensation almost painfully intense as it rages through his body like a lit trail of gunpowder. He feels like he might break apart right there until Ed withdraws, looking smug.
“Oh, that is gonna be fun!” Ed snorts proudly. “But enough for now, don’t want you going off yet, eh?”
Stede’s nerves are shrieking for release but doesn’t want this to end. Part of him still fears that once this is over, it will never happen again. He nods, struggling with words, and runs his fingers up Ed’s spine, eliciting a deep rumble of pleasure from the pirate.
Ed inches his hands lower to Stede’s waist and pulls at Stede’s pants, which are now under so much pressure it’s a miracle he hasn’t torn through them. “Off?” He asks again.
“Yes,” Stede rasps, barely audible.
It takes some fumbling, but eventually Ed manages to set Stede free, his cock springing immediately to strict attention. Ed allows his sheet to drop away and they are finally fully exposed in each other’s arms, cocks nestled against each other, both as erect as they get and clamoring for attention.
Stede looks down in fascinated awe. He’s larger than Ed, much to his surprise, but there is a certain elegance of proportion, a glistening beauty to Ed, that outshines anything else he can imagine. “You’re dazzling,” he whispers. “Stunning. Bewitching. Magnificent. A jewel among men.”
Ed swells visibly, which Stede would not have thought possible at this point. “May I touch?”
“Fuck, you’d better!” Ed croaks roughly, clearly struggling to maintain control now.
Stede reaches down and gently strokes him, like one might caress a flighty stallion. He’s dewy and dripping gently. Ed groans from somewhere deep in his abdomen at Stede’s touch and it sets Stede completely aflame. He no longer wants to go slowly.
He all but attacks Ed’s mouth with his own, crushing them together, desperate for friction and movement. Ed obliges, letting their legs tangle and rutting back against him, one arm around his waist and the other massaging Stede’s buttock in a way that sends even stronger thrills through his loins.
It takes a few moments to find a rhythm, rocking together, feeling each other out. Stede holds onto Ed’s shoulders for dear life, a strong anchor in this cyclone of pleasure, as he figures out to leverage his movements to the best advantage. Ed’s hard cock and bony hip rub against either side of him, with his taut, smooth stomach gliding along Stede’s underside. He would expect this to feel dry, perhaps uncomfortably so, but there is plenty of natural lubrication between the two of them. Moving like this feels natural, almost primal.
Ed isn’t holding back either anymore, thrusting vigorously against Stede’s hip and calling to him with deep grunts of lust. They move as one, sweating and straining in unison. Stede starts to feel the unstoppable swelling of pressure in his body and brain that, while of an entirely different quality and intensity than ever before, he recognizes as the sign he’s reaching the point of no return.
He doesn’t want to pull himself back but he doesn’t want it to be over, either. Fear injects itself again, just a tendril, but somehow Ed flicks it away before it can take hold. He pulls Stede even tighter against himself, steadying and deepening their grinding, and whispers in his deepest, most seductive voice, “ ‘S okay, mate. Y’can let go.”
Stede’s body can’t help but obey that voice. He’s already strung far past what he thought he could endure. He’s grateful to have the choice taken from him, and finally lets it break over him, clinging to Ed like a rock in a tidal storm surge as he comes, the orgasm tearing through his body and brain, cresting in a glittering blackness behind his eyes. Ed keeps them tight together, slowing their rocking as Stede overflows between them.
Stede distantly hears himself making sounds he didn’t know he could produce before he slowly comes down, exhausted and drained in the best of ways. Ed keeps stroking his back and arms as the aftershocks lap at him. “You did good, mate,” he whispers. “So good, so lovely. Fucking brilliant, you are.”
His words stoke the glow inside of Stede, but he braces himself for the avalanche of shame that inevitably follows every orgasm he’s ever had - whether permissible inside the bonds of marriage for the pursuit of procreation or, even more rarely, alone, furtively, by his own hand.
But before the cold, drenching shame can set in, Ed runs a finger along Stede’s now-sticky stomach and pops it in his mouth, closing his eyes and licking Stede’s essence off with the same enthusiasm he licks the marmalade from his pinky after tea. He opens his eyes and meets Stede’s with them. “Promise me something, mate?”
“Anything, my darling.” Stede means it. The ever-present shame response has been completely snuffed out by Ed’s reaction, and to Stede, that is worth more than anything else Ed has ever done for him.
Ed puts his lips to Stede’s ear and purrs. “Promise me next time you come, it’ll be down my throat so I don’t miss a drop?”
Stede can barely process this request, that anyone might want such a thing from him, but he whispers “I…uh…promise.” Ed grins.
Stede has been so lost in his own sensations, he only just now realizes that Ed is still throbbing against him, still straining for his own release. He looks on in amazement as, before he can decide what he should do about it, Ed carefully scoops what’s left off his and Stede’s stomachs and begins to anoint himself generously, stroking his own cock with Stede’s fluid.
“Just rest, love,” he tells Stede breathily, when he sees Stede stir uncertainly towards him. “Rest an’ watch an’ enjoy. Y’can get me next time.” He winks in that incredibly comforting way he has and gets to work.
“Marvelous. Resplendent,” Stede murmurs, and is indeed transfixed by the sight of those long-fingered hands sliding up and down that graceful and beloved member. He could watch this forever. Although by the looks of it, it won’t be long. Ed is clearly teasing it out for his benefit but more than ready to blow.
But suddenly Stede finds himself overcome by a new feeling. A hunger, a physical craving in the farthest corners of his body. A deep emptiness and desire to be filled, to be made whole by something he’s only just realized he’s been missing. This feeling brooks no arguments, no delays. Before he quite knows what he’s doing, he’s reaching out and stilling Ed’s hands before he can finish.
“Oi!” Ed exclaims, not harshly but definitely put out for a moment so close to completion.
He thinks for a second Stede wants to finish for him and the annoyance evaporates but he clearly is unprepared when Stede looks at him with fearless, clear eyes and says gravely, “I want… I need you inside of me. Make me yours, Ed.”
If Stede is surprised by the calm surety of his own tone, Ed is blown away. He stares at Stede in elated astonishment. “Yeah? You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Ed grins from ear to ear, besotted, and then takes a second to breathe deeply and pull himself back. “Okay. Right. We can do that. Whatever you want, mate. How…?”
Stede blushes. “I’m afraid I’m not very familiar with the logistics. But… I want to see your face. If that’s possible?”
Ed nods, gears in his mind turning. “Gimme a sec.” He cleans them both up hastily with his shirt, and then gets to his feet and scours the cabin for any additional bedding or pillows. He works quickly, folding and tucking, to make the most comfortable floor bed he can.
Stede, feeling less frantic now that knows he’s getting what he wants, calmly enjoys watching the best view of Ed’s burnished, naked body he’s gotten so far. Ed carefully lays him back on the pile of soft blankets and Stede lets him arrange his body to suit his design. He finds he enjoys being handled like this, not roughly but firmly, proprietarily.
“Oil?” Ed asks, and Stede gestures to the bathroom. Ed goes to find it, and Stede realizes that, except for in the bath, he’s never been naked for this long before. He’s surprised to find that lying here, nude, vulnerable, waiting doesn’t bother him at all.
After a few moments, Ed returns with a little jar and kneels between Stede’s legs. “You’re sure this is what you want, love?” He asks again, and Stede can see some of his fear has returned. “It can be painful, first time.”
“Yes, darling,” Stede replies confidently, growing restless again now that the heat of Ed is close enough to feel between his thighs. “I want to feel you properly, you superb creature.”
Ed looks relieved by his words and steadies, planting a firm kiss on the inside of of Stede’s thigh. Stede feels himself quicken and begin to swell again, which he wouldn’t have expected at his age. But he supposes he has been more than usually pent up for quite some time now. Ed looks more than a little self-satisfied, and why not? There’s no greater compliment to his own skill.
“Alright,” Ed tells him, comfortably in command again now. “Sorta…sorta…spread your legs and pull ‘em up a bit more, like that. Christ, you’re flexible!” he exclaims as Stede obeys easily, his knees almost to his chest.
“I do yoga,” Stede tells him demurely.
“What the fuck is yoga? Know what, never mind… not sure I wanna know. Hey, not yet!”
Stede has hooked his ankles around Ed’s waist and is trying to draw him in. Ed slaps his calf playfully.
“Impatient slag. We gotta get you prepped up right or it’s gonna hurt like a motherfucker.”
“I don’t care,” Stede half-whines, chafing at the delay.
“You will,” Ed retorts. “But you’ll like this part if you give me a damn second.”
Stede desists with effort, and is rewarded by Ed running both hands across his rib cage, stomach, and then lower, tangling fingers in his reddish blonde pubic hair. Stede’s hips buck in anticipation and Ed slips another pillow under them to help keep him at a comfortable angle.
He opens the jar and oils his hands thoroughly. He keeps one hand firmly on Stede’s quivering pelvis. “I’m gonna put a finger in you, right? Just one to start. Tell me if you wanna stop, yeah?”
Stede gasps his assent and then moans when he feels Ed’s elegant digit tracing the rim of his entrance. No one, including himself, has touched him like this before and it feels fantastically and terribly forbidden. He can’t help but tense at the newness of it.
“You gotta relax, love,” Ed cajoles him. “Soft. Welcoming.”
Stede forces all the air out of his body and does as he’s told, loosening all his muscles, going totally limp, allowing Ed to spread him apart at his discretion.
“Yes, mate, just like that, good man,” Ed praises him. “Don’t tighten, just let me in.”
Stede wants nothing more than to do just that, although softness is more difficult to achieve when parts of him are going very hard indeed. But he tries and when Ed’s finger slips inside him, it feels easy and right, if a little sharp.
Ed is still massaging his rim with his thumb while pressing so, so slowly deeper with his finger. Stede makes a high pitched little noise that is mostly pleasure and Ed pauses.
“Alright, Stede?”
“Yes,” he gasps, trying to remember how to breathe. “It stings a little bit, but oh, it’s wonderful. You’re wonderful, my dearest.”
Ed resumes his progress, going so agonizingly slowly Stede would scream if it didn’t also feel so good. Once he is moving one finger easily and causing no pain, he adds another and then a third until Stede is moving back against his hand freely, without discomfort.
Finally, Ed removes his fingers and Stede’s entire body feels ready to implode at the absence. “Ed, don’t make me beg,” he whimpers.
Ed chuckles, “I know, I’m hurrying!” He slicks himself generously with the oil and doesn’t resist this time when Stede’s legs try to draw him in. He lines himself up carefully, one hand to guide himself, the other holding Stede’s hip firmly. He presses softly against Stede’s entrance and his wet, pulsing tip feels so much better than fingers that Stede can’t tolerate the hesitation.
“Edward Teach, get over yourself and fuck me right this instant,” he orders through gritted teeth.
Ed looks briefly shocked and then his expression melts into pleased joy. He obeys, sinking slowly into Stede, bringing his face as close to his as he can.
“Yes, Cap’n,” he whispers, nuzzling at Stede’s temple. Stede fondles the powerful, sinewy arms with which Ed is somehow effortlessly holding himself up, and feels himself open further to his friend.
“Deeper, please,” he sighs. There is some pain, but not acute, more like a slow, deep stretch both causing and relieving tension. And it’s nothing in comparison to the feeling of closeness, oneness, everything Stede thought would never be granted him.
Ed pushes gently, further, and the sensation of the length of him sliding down into Stede’s most intimate places sets a tempest raging within. He pulls Ed tighter to him until he can go no deeper. Ed’s sensuous warmth and strength fill him and he can feel Ed trembling inside of him, just barely holding back.
He wants so badly to feel Ed move within him but isn’t ready to give up this moment yet, so he stays very still, letting Ed rein himself in, and just cherishes the tension, the feral, on-the-edge, just barely restrained desire they are wrestling with together.
Slowly, what little ache there was fades entirely. Stede’s body screams at him that it can’t take much more of this. “Darling. Darling, will you move for me?”
Ed leans his forehead against Stede’s and nods solemnly. He begins to gently thrust into him, moving in and out only a fraction of an inch at first. Stede responds eagerly, seeking more. He arches his back, tilting his hips upward and Ed adjusts his own angle to meet him. Stede suddenly feels an orgy of sensation in a place inside him he didn’t know existed. It runs outward, coursing through his veins to the top of his head to the tips of his fingers and toes. It knocks all the air out of him in a shocked gasp
Ed grins knowingly at him. “Found the spot, did I?”
Stede can barely respond, every sense, thought, and brain cell taken over by the feeling of Ed inside of him, coaxing such ecstasy from his body, breathing into his nostrils. The world is reduced to nothing but Ed and pleasure, and those two things are really the same thing. His vision contracts until there is nothing but the two of them, nothing but Edward’s relentless, flaming eyes burning into his soul.
He feels almost like he could come from this alone, but also not quite. It feels better than anything he’s ever felt, but not like building to any climax, just slowly, steadily increasing with every movement from Ed. He wonders if there’s a limit to it. There has to be, right? He’d die. Although there are worse ways to go.
“Edward,” he moans as the pirate captain begins to speed up the tempo. There are so many things he wants to say, but the only word he can fit his mouth around seems to be Ed’s name. The taste of it is like the taste of Ed himself: sweaty, leathery, and like the salt that comes from the cold, dark, depths of the sea. “Edward.”
“Fuck, Stede,” Ed whispers into his mouth.
Stede can tell he’s getting close. His pace is speeding up, urgently, but stuttering too. The powerful, vibrating feeling within him is growing stronger.
“Fuck. I can’t…” Ed gasps. “I’ll pull out.”
Stede winds his legs tighter around Ed, keeping them together. “Don’t you dare,” he manages. “Make me yours.”
Ed dips his head with an almost shy smile and redoubles his efforts, slowing now but thrusting deeper with urgent purpose. Stede feels like he’s being slowly taken apart and surrenders to it, letting Ed use him as he desires, feeling happier and safer under and around his body than he ever has anywhere in the world.
“Stede,” Ed cries and makes his name sound like an aria he gives a final, deep thrust that feels more like being run through than any sword ever had.
Stede wraps around him, tensing with him as he spills over, lava hot, inside of him, throbbing warmth pooling somewhere below his belly and spreading slowly through him. He feels Ed’s climax almost as though it’s his own, brain frying, body wracking itself on the shore of Ed’s release. Ed’s heavy frame, collapsed on top of him, is comforting and grounding, as solid and real as anything ever has been.
They tremble together for long moments. Slowly, but too soon, Ed pulls out of him and rolls on his back, exhausted, sweat slicked, radiant. Stede hates to let him go and moves to his side against him, keeping contact, not even caring how sticky and sweaty either of them are at this point. He kisses behind Ed’s ear, whispering, “Glorious. Absolutely glorious, you beautiful, breathtaking man.”
“Fuck,” Ed agrees. “That was fucking fantastic. Fuck!” He laughs. It starts deep in his belly, shaking his whole body until it bursts out in a wild whoop of joy. He looks happy, carefree, and almost like an entirely different person, his hair fanned out around him, his limbs languid in repose.
Stede laughs with him, distantly realizing that he’s never associated laughter with sex before either. It’s like a whole set of associations has flipped for him overnight. Before: sin, shame, solemn marital duty, rejection, hell, evil, wickedness, secrecy, self-loathing. Now: acceptance, love, freedom, joy, fun, companionship, laughter, trust, playfulness.
He still doesn’t fully believe it, still feels that doubt and reflexive self-hate trying to push in at the edges. But Ed’s laughter, Stede’s own delight, now give him something to push back with against them, instead of just being pulled back under the current of guilt and disgust.
How could anything that fun, that jubilant and pleasurable and pure, between two people be wrong? They weren’t hurting anyone. In fact, he’s never felt this good in his life. He wonders if the reason this is preached against so viciously is that if everyone knew how completely amazing consensual, loving sodomy was, no one would ever do anything else. And they certainly wouldn’t waste time on church.
Stede is distracted from this line of theological contemplation by the growing pressure and heat in his loins. Which, despite the utterly transcendental experience just now, is still very much there and wanting to be tended to.
He doesn’t say anything, but Ed notices and grins rakishly at him. “That’s some stamina you got there, mate. What you wanna do about it?”
“Well, if I recall I made you a promise about that,” Stede replies, coyly. “But you just worked so very hard and must be very tired. So if you’re not up to it, I’ll just have to suffer, I guess…”
“Not up to—“ Ed sputters, feigning rage. “C’mere, I’ll show you what I’m up for!”
Stede giggles as Ed wrestles him onto his back and pins him, snarling like a jungle cat and nipping playfully at his neck and chest. Stede props himself up on his elbows so he can watch as Ed takes him in hand and begins to attend to him properly.
Ed keeps his eyes keenly locked with Stede’s and plants a sloppy kiss on his tip, which evolves into long, wet licks up and down the length of him.
Stede had thought that he had reached the limit of new sensations a man could experience in one day, but Ed’s long, dexterous tongue is delicate and velvety and like a living creature all its own. It ranges along his shaft, skirts the base of him and then roams down, licking his testes softly as Ed nuzzles between his legs like he’s hunting for the deepest darkest core of Stede.
It feels like a luxurious indulgence, and Stede can’t get enough, writhing beneath Ed’s ministrations helplessly. Ed continues to torture him for a few minutes and then finally, mercifully takes him into his mouth, surrounding him with warm, wet pressure. Stede bites his lip hard to stop himself from coming on the spot, and Ed’s eyes glitter with amusement that his efforts are so effective.
Slowly, Ed takes him in further and further, sucking him down and swallowing against him the way a castaway guzzles his first taste of fresh water in days. The thought that Stede’s body might, too, be a source of life and sustenance for Ed is new and mysterious. Although tonight he’s been more comfortable with and appreciative of his body than he can ever remember being, he still struggles to view it as anything more than an awkward, unappealing vessel he’s been forced to inhabit his whole life.
But now, watching this bright, formidable, stalwart man devoting his whole self to Stede’s gratification like this, he starts to believe, really believe it in his heart. That Ed loves him in a way that no one else has ever loved him. That he’s worthy of that level of love. That he never needs to be afraid or ashamed of his desires or of his body again. That he deserves this, deserves Ed, deserves fulfillment and happiness and tenderness and care. And that he can be enough for Ed, legendary pirate, terror of the Caribbean, who looks as thrilled as anyone has ever looked about anything just from having the honor of sucking Stede Bonnet’s cock.
Stede rolls his hips smoothly with Ed’s motions and luxuriates in ropey muscles tightening around him. He wonders briefly how Ed is able to breathe like this and then stops wondering as his crescendo begins to build, slower than before but stronger.
He doesn’t even try to hold back this time, just squeezes Ed’s hand in warning and submits to the feeling gladly. He throws back his head and lets out an immodest sound of rapture as he comes, possibly the loudest sound he’s ever allowed himself to make in any context. He feels himself gush into Ed’s sure, capable throat and it’s like he’s been emptied completely of everything heavy about himself. He feels light as a feather, hollow with bliss.
He collapses back gasping for air, as Ed brazenly wipes his face and beard on his forearm and grins cockily at him.
“Yep. Yeah, you were up for it,” Stede agrees, still struggling to speak. “I should… never… have doubted you.”
“Fuckin’ A!” Ed kisses him. Tasting himself in Ed’s mouth is surprisingly satisfying and grows the warm, affectionate feeling in his chest. There could be no better proof that he is wanted, he is accepted, than this.
Ed draws back to admire him fondly, and Stede, already pink from exertion, grows even redder under the close inspection.
“You look like a blushing bride,” Ed teases him.
“I rather feel like one,” Stede admits. “That was… an exhaustive deflowering, I dare say.”
Ed chuckles. “Always been told I’m a thorough man.”
He falls back heavily, contentedly next to Stede, grabbing his hand and playing idly with his fingers as they rest with their heads together. “If we’re bein’ fully honest, some of that was new to me too.”
Stede hides his shock. “Yeah?”
“Never fucked face to face before. I mean, I seen it, but never had anyone I wanted to look at like that before.”
“Oh,” replies Stede flattered. “You didn’t mind it?”
Ed kisses his hand. “I loved it. I loved watching you. I never knew it could be like that.”
“Me neither,” Stede agrees fervently. “You know some people might refer to that as ‘making love’.”
“Making’ love…” Ed rolls the term around in his mouth. “Hmm. Nah, sorry mate, It’s still fucking. Like really, really just… fucking good fucking.” He winks at Stede.
Stede chuckles despite himself. “Fair enough. Anything else?”
“Well, I don’t usually swallow… I mean these days I don’t usually do that at all, but even when I did I never swallowed. Most seamen are foul, ain’t they?”
Stede very nearly manages to keep a straight face. “I’m really not sure how to respond to that.”
“Point is, you’re a fucking treasure, mate. I can’t seem to get enough of you,” Ed tells him, stubbornly ignoring the double entendre. “That okay with you?”
“More than okay,” Stede tells him, serious again. “I can’t get enough of you either.”
He turns to look at Ed, tracing a sharp cheekbone with his thumb and looking piercingly into his eyes.
“What’re you doing?” Ed asks, genuinely curious.
“Memorizing your face.”
“Shouldn’t take long.”
“You would think, but, see, I need to memorize what you look like all kinds of different ways. When you’re happy, when you’re tired, when you’re angry, when you’re horny, when you kiss me, when you’re about to come, when you’re satisfied, when you sleep…”
Ed looks pleased. “That would take some studyin’. But what if I look different tomorrow? We’re all older every day.”
“Ah, you see my love, I’ll just have to memorize you all over again.”
“Every day?”
“Every day. For the rest of my life.”
“What if you miss one?”
“I have every intention of not letting that happen. I wish never to be parted from you again, if that’s acceptable to you.”
Ed looks like Stede has just presented him with all the lost treasure in Davy Jones’ locker, and Stede feels a rush of relief that his ardent declaration hadn’t scared Ed away.
“Hey, did you mean all those things?”
“Which things?”
“Those things you said about me bein’…y’know…perfect and pretty and shit.” Ed stares resolutely at the ceiling, too abashed to repeat them.
“I’ve never meant anything more,” Stede replies. “But I don’t have to say things like that if it bothers you.
“No! I mean… ‘S a bit mushy, but I like it. A lot. When you say I’m good. But only if you really mean it. No one never really told me shit like that before. Well, sometimes Izzy, but he makes it… weird.”
“As you wish, my exquisite paramour. My noble lover. My darling Ed.”
“I love you, Stede Bonnet,” Ed tells him vehemently. “And I don’t wanna waste another fucking second of my life without you.”
And this moment here is somehow better than all the wonderful moments that have made up this wonderful night put together.
Dawn is lightening the sky and Stede can hear the ship waking up around them.
“Had we better…?”
“Oh yeah. Bath?”
“Definitely bath,” Stede agrees. “But also, um… is the cabin door locked?”
Ed and Stede’s heads both swivel towards the door exactly one second before the handle rattles and the sound of Lucius cursing as he struggles to balance the tea tray can just be made out.
“Oh… balls,” sighs Stede.
“Oh fuck!” snorts Ed in amusement, giving up any hope of hiding in time and putting his arm around Stede. “Secret’s out, love. Might as well smile.”