Chapter Text
“O-Okay… I just need to stay calm… and not knock anything over…” Dido whispered to herself, as she approached Trieste’s “pizzeria.”
As with most gangs in the city, the Sardegna Empire had various storefronts used to disguise their business and raise money for their operations in a perfectly legal manner.
In this specific situation, Dido had been tasked by Queen Elizabeth to pick up an order of pizzas the small battleship had requested about two hours ago. This had come as a result of every other member of the Royal Maids, with Belfast having been the last to go, apparently having some “very important” information to dispatch to Officer Enterprise. She’d winked while explaining that last bit, but Dido couldn’t fully understand what it meant.
It was all very confusing.
Now you see, Dido had a bit of a habit. She was rather clumsy, and often found herself knocking things over. Unfortunately, most of the time, this led to the destruction of one or more immensely expensive items. This was, in fact, also the reason she’d now lost the right to drive any of the faction’s vehicles. Or any vehicles, actually.
Hence why she was walking here.
“I-I’m sure… it’ll all be fine…!”
The sound of a bell ringing echoed throughout the bustling pizzeria as Dido entered, drawing the eyes of a few patrons as she walked up to the desk, lightly tapping one of the bells to signify a need for service.
“I’m coming. Just give me a few minutes!” A familiar voice rang out from the back of the kitchen, as a magenta-haired kansen walked out in the proceeding three minutes.
This was Trieste, the owner of the pizzeria. Unfortunately, she was all too familiar with Dido. On account of the fact that Dido was responsible for the completely accidental destruction of Trieste’s previous twelve establishments.
They had a history.
“Oh… It’s you… what do you want?”
“Um… I’m here to pick up Queen Elizabeth’s order of… 35 pizzas…”
“Oh shit so that’s you. Fine… Give me a minute.” Trieste internally rolled her eyes, before turning around and walking off towards the back of the kitchen again.
Dido smiled to herself as she watched Trieste walk away, before looking at the tip jar on the counter. There wasn’t any money in there… which, to Dido, was very sad.
Trieste had been very patient with her despite the innumerable amount of shops she’d destroyed and was even polite to her despite her clumsiness. She was a very, very good person.
Dido liked her.
And so, she pulled out her wallet and attempted to place a small dollar bill into the cup, only to accidentally knock the cup over and onto the floor.
“Oh no no no no… this always happens…!” She whimpered, quickly dropping to her knees as she tried to pick up the cup, only to fumble around and drop the cup elsewhere a few more times.
Meanwhile, the sound of the door getting kicked open caused the bell above the door to fly off its hinges, as a cacophony of footsteps echoed throughout the pizza parlor.
“Oi, where the hell is the owner? We’ve got money to collect!” A harsh, brash voice called out from the doorway as a large group of people entered the pizzeria.
Jean Bart, followed by a large procession of other individuals dressed in black, walked into the parlor. Scanning the area for Trieste, Jean walked up to the counter and slammed her fist onto the lacquered wooden surface, creating cracks all across the surface.
“Ah shit I need to watch my strength… Whatever, HEY! PINKY! GET OUT HERE!” She shouted towards the kitchen as she wiped her hand with a random napkin from a nearby table.
A long, labored sigh came from the back as Trieste walked out again, holding an absolutely titanic 35 pizzas in her arms.
“Oh hell… what do you want?”
“Littorio owes us money, and we were told this was the place to pick it up!”
“Well you were told wrong, now please, leave. You’re disturbing the other customers”
“Why you- C’MERE!”
Dido managed to turn around just in time to see Jean Bart grabbing Trieste by the collar, as the magenta-haired kansen glared back at her assailant.
“H-Hey, stop!”
“Huh? The hell do you want?” Jean spat, turning to face the small maid.
“Hey… You’re one of those royal girls aren’t you, the hell’re you doing all the way out here?”
“U-Um, I’m just here to buy some pizzas! That’s all!”
Jean turned to look at the utterly massive stack of 35 pizzas. Given that nobody else was at the counter, and everyone else in the establishment was either staring at them or eating…
“35 whole pizzas? I ain’t buyin' it, now spill the beans pipsqueak!”
“Uwaaa!”
Dido attempted to shield herself as Jean glared daggers at her. Trieste, not wanting one of her more frequent patrons to get intimidated, stepped forward after placing the pizzas down and nabbed Jean’s hand.
“Let her go.”
“And why should I?”
“Because if you want trouble, I can give you trouble. Now leave.”
“...Make me.”
Dropping Dido and turning to face Trieste, the two glared at one another as they non-verbally dared the other to back down. Dido meanwhile, scrambled to get to her feet and accidentally knocked over a table.
A table that had a candle on it.
FOOM
“...Oh no.”
“Alright pasta-fucker, come and get some!”
“Why you-”
Chaos erupted from the pizzeria as Trieste and Jean quickly took to slamming their fists into one another’s torsos, as the rest of Jean Bart’s men attempted to apprehend Dido. Dido in the meantime, was trying to find any sort of liquid to throw onto the fire.
She noticed a vaguely clear liquid on one of the other customer’s tables. Thinking quickly, she grabbed the glass, bowed apologetically towards the customer, and hucked the liquid towards the flames.
Which then grew exponentially.
“...What beverage did you order, mister?”
“Oh uh, an alcoholic one.”
“Oh noooooo…”
One of the men leapt towards her, crashing into another table nearby as Dido deftly rolled out of the way and flipped the drinks on the table over and onto the now rapidly-growing flames.
As it turned out, these were also alcoholic drinks.
“Oh noooooo…”
More men kept coming at her, with one throwing a nearby bottle of wine at Dido, which missed as the maid dodged yet again. Said bottle then landed squarely into the center of the now raging inferno.
“Oh nooooooo…”
Jean Bart and Trieste, completely unphased by the roaring flames dancing around them, continued battering one another with haymakers, kicks, and hammer fists. Trieste landed a nasty elbow to Jean’s chest, causing the Vichya battleship to grab a nearby bottle and slam it over Trieste’s head.
As you can probably guess by now, this made the fire even bigger.
“Nice job, asshole.”
“You started it, Pinky!”
“First of all, YOU started it, second of all, MY HAIR ISN’T PINK!”
Dido gulped as she watched patron and gang member alike run around in a panic, knocking over more drinks and feeding the ever-growing fire as it engulfed the pizzeria in it’s entirety.
“...I wanna go home…”
3 hours later.
The sound of police and ambulance sirens filled the streets as the various injured patrons and gang members were escorted out of the pizza parlor. Trieste watched as the fire department desperately attempted to extinguish the flames currently consuming her pizzeria for the 13th time now.
“I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry-” Dido rapidly whispered to herself as she curled up into the fetal position on the ground next to Trieste, sobbing forcefully as she tried to calm herself down.
“...You’re really lucky I think you’re cute.”
“ Sniffle H-Huh?”
“Nothing.”