Work Text:
Once upon a time, in a kingdom with weird compulsory heterosexuality laws there was a princess. And far and wide it was known she was not interested in marrying a man. So, all the people in the kingdom were surprised when one day the princess announced that all interested suiters should show up at her door and show her why she should marry them.
Imminently, men began to line up, eager for a chance to rule the tiny, insignificant country. Each sure that he was going to be the one to win her heart.
Within minutes, the line of men is long, and the princess finds them so, so, boring. One offers het bricks of gold, another gowns, another a wishing stone which will martialize any object her heart desires. She does not want material things.
One performs a play, another sings ballads, another recites poetry. She cares not to be amused.
One performs magic, one slays a dragon, another offers her 100 slaves. Who cares, she doesn’t.
A day passes, and the line still seems endless. She’s falling asleep. All these men are boring or ugly, and overly showy. They are not right for her. She needs someone who will submit to her rule because fuck him if he thinks he’s going to be the ruling monarch.
The princess beckons a servant over and whispers in her ear. She has a new plan. Pick a man tonight, marry him tomorrow, kill him the next day. Anyone will do.
The next man steps up. “I’m sorry,” she tells him, not sorry at all, “but I have already selected my match. You may go home.”
The man bowed to her, and said, “I think you might want to reconsider your choice, if I am right about you.”
“Pray tell, what talent have you, that naught a thousand men possess?”
“I can turn into a woman.”
The End