Chapter Text
“Barrow?”
“Yes, my lord?”
Thomas paused on his journey past the library door, turning his head to find Lord Grantham looking up at him from his writing desk.
“Could I trouble you to join me for a moment?” Lord Grantham nodded for Thomas to enter the room, and the butler automatically straightened his posture before approaching the master of the house.
“How may I help, my lord?” Thomas came to a stop beside the desk, assuming that his lordship was probably after something trivial like a cup of tea.
“Well, as a matter of fact I’ve just had a letter from the palace. I thought it might interest you.”
The expression on Lord Grantham’s face was entirely neutral, but Thomas immediately felt his blood run cold. All at once images of smoky night clubs, prison cells, and stolen kisses ran through his mind, and he felt the beginnings of panic squeezing his chest.
It had been just a little over two months since their visit from the king and queen, and the memories of what had happened that night were still all too fresh in his mind. With each passing day he felt a little surer that his secret had not been revealed, but a part of him was still waiting for the moment when the truth came out.
“Oh? Why is that my lord?” He asked slowly, his steady voice barely hiding the swirl of emotions inside him.
“Their majesties were extending their thanks for our hospitality, and it seems they were particularly impressed by the service we showed them during their stay. There is also a very amusing note about Mr Molesley’s performance.” Lord Grantham chuckled as he gestured to the paper in front of him, and Thomas almost breathed an audible sigh of relief.
“That is good news, my lord. I am glad to hear that we were able to hold up the Downton name. Although as you’ll remember, I didn’t have much part in the success of the evening.” Thomas was still slightly bitter over the fact that he’d been pushed aside for Carson at the first sign of trouble.
“Come now Barrow, it wasn’t anything personal. Lady Mary simply felt that Carson would be better suited to the task. A fact I didn’t necessarily agree with if I’m honest.” Lord Grantham spoke earnestly, and Thomas’ eyes widened in surprise.
“Thank you, my lord. That is kind of you to say.” He tipped his head in deference, and Lord Grantham gave him a small smile in return.
“Believe it or not Barrow, while I was skeptical of you at first, I do think you have proven yourself more than capable of running an honourable household. I know we have had our differences in the past, but don’t think your work goes unnoticed.”
Thomas felt another swell of emotion rising in his chest, and he found himself at a rare loss for words.
“Thank you, my lord.” He managed to say, his voice betraying a hint of emotion.
“Think nothing of it.” Lord Grantham waved his hand kindly before returning to the letter.
“Now, it says here that their majesties were so impressed by our staff stepping in like they did, that they’d like to send some of their people here for some additional training of sorts. It would just be some of the lesser house and kitchen staff of course, but they feel it would do them some good to spend time in such a well-run house.” Lord Grantham spoke with clear pride in his voice.
“Well my lord, that is quite the honour.” Thomas tried to sound like he meant it, but he couldn’t help but remember the stress of the last royal visit.
“Oh don’t look so put out Barrow, they’ll be sending one of their own to supervise. They won’t get under your feet.”
Thomas felt his face pull into a frown as he remembered the unbearable royal butler. Sorry, royal page of the back garden, or whatever his sodding title was. The last thing he needed was that stuck up man riling up the staff again.
“One of their own, sir? Did they say who?”
“Oh, some valet or other I think. They mentioned he was here during their previous visit.”
Thomas froze. It couldn’t be.
“A valet, sir? One of the royal dressers?”
“I believe so. Did you see much of them while they were here?” Lord Grantham enquired, completely unaware of Thomas’ internal crisis.
“A bit, my lord. Although there were two of them, so I suppose we can’t be sure which one it will be?”
He didn’t even dare to let himself hope. It wasn’t possible.
“I’m afraid not, but I’m sure we will find out soon enough. They will be arriving at the end of the month. It doesn’t leave us much time to prepare, but since most of the staff is living out these days, I imagine we won’t have trouble finding the necessary space.” Lord Grantham continued, and Thomas struggled to reign in his racing thoughts.
“No, my lord, I don’t think we will have any issues. If we can prepare a list of those who will be arriving Mrs Hughes will be able to see to it that they are comfortable.”
“Good, I will trust you with the preparations then. I don’t think it will require too much work, they would just like their staff to shadow ours for some time and learn the ins and outs of things. Although, there was a very particular request from the king himself that their kitchen staff be instructed on Mrs Patmore’s recipe for pâté.”
“Very good, my lord. Will that be all?” Thomas knew he probably sounded a little flustered, but he tried his best to remain calm.
“For now, yes. You can inform the others and begin the preparations for their arrival. I’ll let you know once things have been settled.” Lord Grantham nodded to indicate that Thomas was released and turned back to his desk.
Thomas gave a quick bow before retreating swiftly out of the room and heading straight in the direction of the servant’s hall.
His mind raced as he made his way down the stone steps, and he almost ran directly into Andy as he turned the corner at the bottom. As it was, the younger man stumbled backwards in an attempt to avoid him, subsequently dropping the tray in his hand.
Thomas winced at the noise it made, and immediately bent forward to pick it up.
“Sorry Mr Barrow, I wasn’t concentrating.” Andy apologized as he knelt down beside him.
Luckily the tray had been filled with the remains of the morning post instead of food, so there was no real harm done.
“That’s all right Andy, neither was I.” Thomas replied, handing a stack of papers to the footman.
Andy reached for the letters, but his movement paused as he caught sight of Thomas’ face.
“Is everything okay, Mr Barrow?” He asked with a hint of concern in his voice.
“Yes, why wouldn’t it be?” Thomas replied with a frown, getting to his feet.
“You just look a bit pale is all, like you’ve had a shock.” Andy straightened up too, securing the salvaged tray in his hands once again.
“Not a shock so much as an inconvenience.” Thomas tried to school his features, surprised that Andy had managed to pick up on his inner turmoil.
Andy tilted his head in question, his brows furrowing slightly.
“An inconvenience?”
“Well if you must know, we are going to be having another visit from the royal household.” Thomas spoke stiffly, and Andy’s eyes widened in surprise.
“You mean the king and queen are coming back? After everything that happened last time?”
“No, their majesties will not be returning, but it seems like you all did such a good job that they want some of their staff to come and train with us.”
“Are you serious? Wait till the others hear that!” Andy bounded off in the direction of the dining table before Thomas could say another word.
Since the upstairs breakfast was already over, and most of the family had begun their business for the day, there were quite a few people gathered in the room doing odd tasks.
“Oi, listen to this everyone. Apparently the royal family has requested his lordship to allow some of their servants to come and train with us. They think we did such a standup job while they were here that we could teach their staff a thing or two. Imagine that!”
Excited chatter rose up from around the table, and Mrs Hughes caught Thomas’ eye from across the room.
“Is this true, Mr Barrow?”
Thomas stepped a little further into the room and cleared his throat, waiting while everyone stood in greeting.
He gestured for them all to sit down and then took his seat at the head of the table.
“His lordship received a letter from the royal household this morning requesting that we allow a few of their staff to shadow us in our duties. It seems they were very impressed by the way we conducted ourselves during their visit, and they would like some of their people to learn from us.”
“I suppose they just want our help with the finer points of waiting a table, and not tips on how to stage a silent coup?” Mrs Bates asked with a smile, and laughter rippled around the room.
“Yes, I would imagine they’re more interested in our ability to starch a collar than our ability to slip sleeping draught into someone’s tea.” Thomas replied with a smirk in Anna’s direction.
“Well, that’s no fun.” Anna giggled, leaning slightly into her husband sitting beside her.
“Be that as it may, this is a great honour for his lordship, so we shall conduct ourselves accordingly.” Thomas’ tone became slightly more serious, and the others around the table nodded.
“What exactly would they like us to do?” Mrs Hughes enquired, ever the pragmatist.
“His lordship said we wouldn’t be required to do anything other than let them observe our work. Although there was one special request for Mrs Patmore.” Thomas raised his voice at the last part, effectively gaining the cook’s attention from where she was furiously stirring something.
“A special request for me?” She asked, wiping her hands on her apron as she stepped closer to the table.
“The king has specifically requested that you share your recipe for pâté with their kitchen staff.”
An immediate round of congratulations came from around the table, and Mrs Patmore’s face turned an even brighter shade of its usual red.
“Well knock me down with a feather. Imagine the king himself taking a liking to my cooking.” Her smile grew wide with pride, and even Thomas found the corners of his mouth tugging into a grin.
“It’s probably because he’s never tasted your special lamb stew.” Andy quipped from across the room, and Mrs Patmore threw a kitchen rag in his direction.
“That’s enough out of you if you have any desire to eat in this house again.”
The table broke into another ripple of laughter, and Thomas felt a bubble of warmth rising in his chest.
Not very long ago he wouldn’t have been able to imagine sharing a moment like this with the rest of the house. Even after he’d become butler, it still shocked him that any of them would even give him the time of day, let alone include him in their happiness. It was something he still didn’t entirely trust, but he tried his best to enjoy it while it lasted.
“That’s enough you lot, it’s time to get back to work. Mrs Hughes, I’ll give you a list of the visitors once his lordship has confirmed it, and then we’ll see about the arrangements for their accommodation.”
“Very good Mr Barrow. And might I ask, will there be a reappearance of our friends Mr Wilson and Mrs Webb?” Mrs Hughes’ tone was pleasant enough, but Thomas could see a hint of distaste in her eyes.
“Fortunately they won’t be gracing us with their presence, but they will be sending a member of senior staff to supervise. His lordship mentioned it would be one of the royal dressers.” Thomas replied, trying to sound as casual as possible.
“I do hope they send Mr Ellis, he was very nice. And rather handsome.”
Miss Baxter spoke up for the first time, meeting Thomas’ eyes from across the table. Thomas inhaled sharply at the look she gave him.
“I suppose we’ll just have to find out. Now hop to it everyone, there’s plenty to be done.” Thomas stood from his chair, not even waiting for them to rise before he was out the door.
Once clear of the room his feet carried him swiftly up the stairs to the servant’s corridor, and he didn’t stop for a breath until he was safely behind the door of his bedroom.
He quickly made his way over to his bed, and dropped down beside it, carefully feeling around on the floor until his fingers met a telltale ridge.
He pulled a coin from his pocket and wedged it into the crack between two floorboards, easing one loose to reveal a small space underneath. He reached inside and retrieved a worn cigarette tin, turning it over in his hands once before rising to sit on the bed.
He gently opened the tin to reveal a folded piece of paper and a small silver pendant, and he felt his chest tighten just as it did every time he looked at the objects.
His fingers slowly traced the patterns on the pendant before he lifted out the piece of paper, unfolding it to reveal the words he knew almost by heart.
Mr Barrow,
I apologise that it has taken me so long to write to you. As you know, the tour took us well across the country, and finding a spare moment to give this letter the attention it deserved proved tricky.
We are back home in London now, but I find that my thoughts often stray to the Yorkshire countryside, and a particular house there. I wonder why that might be. Nights there seem so much more peaceful than here in the city, and the moon always seemed to shine a little brighter. I almost feel like I left it behind.
I only hope that I will see it again soon.
Your friend,
R.E
The letter had been delivered about two weeks after the first royal visit, and Thomas must have read it every day since. And, as with each time he read it, he felt a familiar guilt squeezing his chest.
He hadn’t written back.
He desperately wanted to, but he felt that somehow it was safer to leave things as they were.
Nothing good would come from starting something that could never truly be finished. Thomas had learned this lesson in too many painful ways.
If he allowed himself to write back, allowed whatever this was to continue, he knew that it was only going to end badly. Better to cut it off now while the ember was still small, than to feed the fire and risk them both being burned.
He dug his fingers into the bedspread below him, gripping tightly at the blankets as his eyes began to cloud over with tears.
He’d come a long way these past few years. He finally had a position he was proud of and people he cared about, and he wasn’t about to risk it on something that may never be.
But now…
Now Richard might be coming back, and he couldn’t help but wonder whether he’d made a mistake. Whether he was finally going to be allowed some happiness that wouldn’t come at a terrible cost.
He released his grip on the bed and reluctantly placed both the letter and pendant back into the tin. He then got to his knees and slipped the tin back into the space beneath the floor, making sure to secure the board back in place.
His chest was still tight with anxiety, but as he rose to his feet and dusted off his trousers, he resigned himself to face whatever fate was awaiting him. If Richard Ellis arrived on their doorstep, it was up to him to decide whether he’d forgive Thomas for his lack of communication.
Whatever his decision, Thomas wouldn’t blame him, and he wouldn’t expect anything from him. There was no point in getting himself worked up over something that may have been nothing more than a casual dalliance.
Just as he was about to leave the room there was a sudden knock on his door, and Miss Baxter’s familiar voice called out.
“Mr Barrow? Can I come in?”
Thomas’ eyes quickly scanned over the room to ensure that everything was back in place before replying.
“Yes Miss Baxter, what is it?”
The door slowly swung open to reveal the lady’s maid, and Thomas watched as she came into the room, closing the door behind her.
“Is everything okay Mr Barrow? Only you looked a little out of sorts downstairs.”
Thomas sighed, wondering not for the first time why this unsuspecting, mild-mannered woman always had such a good read on him.
“I am quite well Miss Baxter, its nothing to concern yourself with.” He fixed her with a serious look, but she only smiled in return.
“It’s exciting news, isn’t it? Another visit from the royal household. I’m sure Lord Grantham is very proud.”
“Yes, I expect he is.” Thomas replied curtly, and watched as Miss Baxter’s face softened.
“Thomas, I’ve never asked you this before, but that night you and Mr Ellis went to York,” She trailed off, and Thomas held his breath.
“I just…I expect you’ll be pleased to see him if he does come back. You seemed to get on well.” She finished quietly, her kind expression making Thomas’ heart twinge with guilt.
“We did.” He breathed out, not willing to give away any more than that.
“I’m glad for you, you deserve a friend like that.” Miss Baxter gave him another small smile before nodding and turning to leave the room.
“Do I?” Thomas didn’t realise what he was saying until the words were out of his mouth, and Miss Baxter instantly turned back, a look of pain on her face.
“Of course you do Thomas. You more than anyone else in this house deserves it.” She reached forward and gently squeezed his upper arm, and Thomas swallowed hard.
“Sometimes I wonder.” His words were quieter than he’d intended, and he felt the grip on his arm tighten.
“There are good things to come for you in this world Mr Barrow, you just need to be willing to let them in.”
With one last squeeze she dropped her hand and left the room, leaving Thomas alone once more.
He stood silently for a few moments, willing himself to keep his composure, before following her out the door.
He tried to forget the conversation as he went on with his tasks throughout the day, but he couldn’t ignore the little voice that had awoken inside him after hearing Miss Baxter’s words. Maybe, just this once, things were going to work out for him.