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Nandor woke up to another ether-voicemail.
“Nandor, you stupid sodding piss-soaked wanker,” Nadja was incorporating more British slang now. “Pick up! For once in you useless, 700 years of life, do something smart and answer my bloody calls! It’s been months! Months! Your ether connection is still live, I know you’re out there…”
She griped and yelled and cursed for a while longer, then went quiet, listening to a muffled voice. A familiar masculine pitch, could it be, surely not…? But before he could make out more, she was back. “It seems I have just been called to some very important Vampiric Council business,” her voice puffed up a bit. “But I’m not done with you yet, mister!”
The connection was severed and Nandor was left alone in his thoughts. He reoriented himself, glancing around at the electric blue seats of a mostly empty Deutsche Bahn train car. Just about every other night he awoke in a different train, or hotel room, or vampiric residence. Yet it all felt more or less the same to him. He would think of things he wanted to say to, show to Guillermo. But he wished to be left alone, wherever he was now, and Nandor had to respect that boundary. After years of scolding and sneering at the man, it was the least he could do. Guillermo was the one who taught him what a “boundary” was, after all.
He was seated across the aisle from a mother and toddler, the latter of whom was slamming cheese slices and crackers directly onto a shaky tray table. It didn’t seem terribly hygienic. Averting his gaze, Nandor looked out the window, watching wind turbines send out short, sharp flashes of red light before once again merging with the darkness of the rural landscape at night. He was getting bored, and when he got bored the thoughts came back.
A leaden weight sat in his chest where his heart once beat. Nothing, not even the amusing Gibraltar monkeys or the very tall French tower with its manically glittering lights, none of it seemed to make the ache subside. It had been especially lonely since that night in Munich, when he got sloppy on some beery blood and angrily ordered the camera crew to stop following him around. In the past, Guillermo would gently encourage him to “feel his feelings” whenever he noticed Nandor acting more irritable than usual. But he wasn’t sure how to be feeling these feelings without him around. No one ever stayed, of course they didn’t. Even his stupid, simpering little familiar—bodyguard, he had to remind himself—had reached his limit. But that wasn’t fair. Guillermo was far from stupid, he was the idiot for thinking they were bound to each other by something more than a simple transaction. Nandor tried to fight the itchy, prickly feeling in his eyes, but it was no use.
The toddler began to point and shriek as scarlet tears streamed down the vampire’s face. The mother reached across the aisle and gently touched the sleeve of Nandor’s cloak.
“Ist alles in Ordnung?” When he ignored her, she switched to lightly accented English. “Excuse me, sir, are you perhaps in need of a doctor? There is blood? In your tears?”
“Oh no, thank you, but that will not be necessary. Everything is okay-a!”
She looked dubious at that, but held her peace. A robotic male voice had just announced their arrival at Berlin Central Station.
“Please do take care.” The woman left a packet of pocket tissues on Nandor’s armrest and got up to collect her luggage.
It was everything he could do not to cry even more over the show of concern. He fished his JanSport out from underneath his seat and disembarked into the cavernous, glass-ceilinged space. The criss-crossing echoes of departures and delays over the loud speakers nearly paralyzed his heightened senses, but after several false starts he somehow managed to find an exit and the bus stop outside it. He pulled the yellow legal pad full of tips from the Guide out of his backpack, reading off the directions before boarding the bus to his lodgings.
He alighted some 30 minutes later in front of a stately, if slightly decrepit suburban manor. A murder of grey-black crows whirled overhead. Fuck. He’d completely forgotten to raven ahead about his arrival. It wasn’t like him to breach protocol this way. Hopefully his host wouldn’t mind too much. Nandor lifted the lion’s head door-knocker and gave a few firm raps. A human man in a smart green jacket and breeches answered the door. A familiar in full, formal, gold-lined livery. How very old-fashioned and European, certainly much grander than the earth-toned sweaters he was accustomed to. Or that saucy little waistcoat number…
A haughty voice broke through his inner monologue. “Ah, you must be Master Relentless. Please, do come in.”
He was led through a dark, magenta hallway lined with cracked oil paintings. Moonlit gothic landscapes alternated with lewd portraits of nymphs and sirens frolicking in the…Seine? Rhône? One of those was a river in Germany, he was pretty sure. As he stood considering a buxom pair of chicken-women a shadow crossed the canvas.
“Herr Relentless! Guten Abend! It is I, your host, Werther! I see you are admiring of my work.”
A diminutive vampire in a black silk dressing gown and pince-nez spectacles had snuck up behind him.
“Ah, yes. These paintings are very, um, interesting.” Nandor didn’t want to hurt his feelings. And the “art” was, at very least, a welcome distraction.
“Indeed. My practice has been a great comfort to me, ever since, since…” He began to sniff, then sniffle, then sob outright. “Since my model, my muse, my Leonora left me!” He gestured towards an imposing portrait of a Nosferatu-esque vampire in a lush, blue velvet gown, white gloves covering the length of her decorously folded arms, holding a sprig of purple pansies between the thumb and forefinger of her right hand.
Werther proceeded to weep into the fur collar of Nandor’s cloak. And he’d just had it dry-cleaned.
“Er, there, there,” Nandor awkwardly patted the other vampire’s back.
“It’s so good to finally talk to someone about it though!” Werther brushed stray tears from his eyes. “If you would come over into the parlor and sit down, we can really get acquainted. Georg has just set out a fresh decanter of blood.”
Nandor grimaced, eyes darting frantically. He needed to think fast. He did not like the thought of being trapped alone with this morose man, listening to his sad, lovelorn rambling all night.
“Actually, I was hoping to perhaps have a night on the town! Get out and explore the most depraved corners of your famous nightlife!” He tried to infuse his voice with an enthusiasm he could not feel.
“Oh, I see.” His host deflated. “Well, I haven’t been going out much these days, to be honest. Not since the Society for Romantic Poets stopped having their monthly orgies due to low attendance. Terrible disease, syphilis. But I’m sure if you ether your Guide she’ll have some suggestions. Let me show you to your room so you can drop off your luggage.”
Once Nandor was settled into his guest room, door closed and free of Werther, he threw himself over the divan, sighing with relief. He called for the Guide, her ghostly face shimmering into view above the nightstand.
“Hello Nandor, what business have you summoned me for?” she asked wearily.
“Um, well, I have just arrived in Berlin and I was wondering if you might have any recommendations for one of these nightly clubs, as the humans are calling them these days…”
“Are you shitting me?” she screamed. “This is what you dial me over the international ether for? Do you have any idea how much energy this is costing me? I have a 2 am meeting with Sven the Engorged that I could be preparing for right now. And for that matter, I don’t even work for you anymore!”
“Er yes, so sorry to trouble you. But since you’re already here—so to speak—“
The Guide let out a long-suffering sigh. “Well, you can’t go wrong with the Death Knell, it’s a big favorite with the vampire community, and with stupid human tourists who think they’re getting into some kind of secret sex club. I can order you a car there, you’d never find it on your own.”
“Thank you so much, I really am much obliged.”
“It’s whatever,” he could hear the shrug in her voice. “But don’t call me like this again!”
The apparition flickered out, leaving Nandor to the unwelcome quiet of his room. He began to rummage through one of the coffers of clothing that had been sent to the house ahead of his arrival, trying on one outfit after another, scattering shirts and caftans across the room. What did one wear out to boogie these days? He finally decided on a pink paisley-print button down and a pair of flared white jeans. He didn’t care what Guillermo told him, he was certain that disco never really went out of style. He looked out the window and saw what had to be the car ordered by the Guide slide up the driveway.
“I’m heading out now, no need to wait up!” Nandor yelled down the hall to Werther, practically running out the front door. Outside, a black hearse idled its engine, a uniformed vampire chauffeur at the wheel. Nandor greeted the driver cheerily, but received no response. The car bounded down the road at a furious speed, zooming through a series of underground tunnels before finally resurfacing at what looked like an abandoned power plant.
“Is this…Are we there?”
The driver once again declined to answer.
“All right then…Thank you for your services, I suppose?” Nandor awkwardly deposited a few gold coins in the driver’s cup holder and exited the car.
He kicked his boots through weeds and gravel as he circled the massive black building with its lurid orange light glowing from within. As he turned a corner, a faint pulsing beat caught his attention. It was coming from beneath a wooden trap door in the ground. He lifted it up, assaulted by a rush of synthetically generated smoke and an insistently thumping bass drum beat. A mass of swaying bodies gradually materialized as the fog cleared. He cautiously climbed down a rickety flight of metal stairs into the throngs of grinding undead.
“Excuse me, pardon me, I’m terribly sorry, could I just, squeeze past here,” Nandor gingerly stepped around the dancers, who were barely acknowledging his presence and making it very difficult to be polite.
Moving into the center of the dance floor, he tried to match the club-goers’ indifferent gyrations. He inserted a few attempts at the Hustle and the Macarena (normally such crowd-pleasers!) but this was only met with snickers, so he gave it up. Going to the discotheque wasn’t nearly as fun as he remembered. Nandor gazed around the space, observing vampires suggestively pressed up against their human marks, furious makeout sessions giving way to feeding frenzies. He found himself looking away, ashamed and unnerved. Perhaps he could find a bit of privacy in the human restroom facilities, where he was definitely not about to start crying again. After a long, confusing search, he located a grimy bathroom. He opened one of the stall doors, only to find a pack of vampires crowded inside, a skinny, strangulated human man wedged between them, neck covered in puncture wounds.
“Oh, I see this is um, occupied,” Nandor bashfully began to turn away.
“Hey mate, you’re looking a little down. Fancy a go?” A British vampire in jaunty 1920s attire pointed at the unfortunate human, with his piercings and punk rock clothing. “This lad’s a goldmine! Don’t even know what all is in here!”
Nandor shrugged. He couldn’t feel much worse than he already did…Stepping inside the stall and biting into a wrist, he lapped up a gentle dribble, then set the man’s arm back down again. He didn’t want to be a Bogart about it, and the blood had a distinct, chemical flavor that he wasn’t sure he liked. Not wanting to appear ungrateful, he proclaimed the blood to be “delicious” and thanked the vampires for their generosity.
Guillermo didn’t like it when he went out to drink sketchy club night drug blood, would offer to procure him someone who had just partaken of the legal eatables instead. (“Just to be on the safe side, Master.”) But if he didn’t want him drinking the bad drug blood, he should’ve been here right now. As Nandor exited the stall he found a coven of American vampire women uselessly preening in front of the mirror, clearly pretty far gone. Eyebrow pencils and mascara wands floated unsteadily in the reflection.
“Fuuuck,” one of the them drawled in a Midwestern accent. “I can’t see my face!” She angrily tapped at the mirror glass. “I think it’s broken you guys.” With her low-rise jeans, halter top and glossed lips, she couldn’t have been turned more than twenty years ago.
“Heeeyy, what’s a cute guy like you got to be so sad about,” she pivoted towards Nandor, trying to flirtatiously perch herself on the sink but stumbling over her own feet instead.
“Oh I’m quite alright really, but thank you for your concern…”
“Come on, we’re all friends here! You can tell your club fam anything." A woman in candy raver beads and a retina-searing neon pink jumpsuit with an “E-Vamp” pin on the collar sidled up next to Nandor and placed an arm on his shoulder. She blew a cloud of bubble-gum-scented smoke from her vape pen, leaving him faintly nauseous. “Someone break your heart?”
“Whoever they were, I’m sure you’re like, way too good for them,” another woman chimed in. The others noisily agreed.
Nandor hesitated, but pretty soon it all came spilling out, his inhibitions dashed by drug blood. How everyone always left him, even his mousy cardiganed familiar/bodyguard. Who also just happened to be a powerful warrior, a brilliant tactician, the best friend he’d ever had…
“Wow, it sounds like you really miss this guy,” the flirty vampire observed.
“Yes, I suppose I do miss Guillermo, just a little bit.” Nandor began to wail miserably.
The women formed a comforting huddle around him.
“It’s okay! Let it all out!”
“You’re so valid!”
“Thank you, you all are so very kind. I cannot remember when I have last known such kindness,” he wibbled.
“Oh my gosh, you know what you should do??” E-Vamp seemed suddenly struck by inspiration.
“What?” Nandor sniffled.
“You should call him! Right now!”
“Really? Are you quite sure that is a good idea?”
“Why not? It sounds like you have a lot to say to each other.”
“You know what, you are right!” Nandor’s judgment was too muddled at this point to question her motives. “He needs to hear my side of things! He needs to know how it made me feel, being left all alone!”
“Exactly! Tell him how it is!” E-Vamp goaded.
Nandor tried to concentrate all his energy, in spite of his drunken swaying.
“Guillermo de la Cruz, Guillermo de la Cruz,” he pressed his fingers to his temples, expression serious. “It is I, your Master, calling out to you from the ethereal realm…”
Static crackled through the mildewed air, mingling with the distant thrum of the techno music. The women’s heads craned forward in wasted anticipation.
“M-Master? Master, is that you?” A soft, sweet voice echoed against the tiles.
“Ye-es. Hello!”
Guillermo’s tone quickly turned testy. “What the fuck, what have you been doing? Where are you? Nadja’s tried to ether you like 50 times over the past two months and you never even picked up. We were worried about you!”
“What have I been doing? You’re the one who abandoned me at the train station! You’re with Nadja, when you promised to come with me! But it’s alright, I probably deserve it anyway.”
“I didn’t mean to abandon you, I swear! It was all Laszlo’s fault, he shoved me in a fucking crate and shipped me off to London to protect Nadja, that’s what we’ve been trying to tell you, if you weren’t so fucking stubborn and you’d just fucking listen!”
“Excuse me, I happen to be an excellent listener and not at all stubborn! If you wanted to find me so badly, you should have come looking!”
“What, and just, guess where you might be on the whole continent of Europe, with no smartphone, no laptop, no traceable devices whatsoever? You took the only itinerary with you on like, a notepad!”
“You could have figured it out!”
“How!?”
“I don’t know, Van Helsing senses or something probably.”
“Dios mío…Master, I can’t do this right now. You’re obviously drunk or something. Can you just tell me where you are and whether you’re safe? Are you staying with one of the Council hosts at least?”
“Well, if you must know, I am in one of the finest clubs in Berlin, capital of Germany and also parties and I am doing just great. Though my host is a strange, sad little man and I cannot recommend him.”
“Okay Master, glad to hear it,” he sounded both sarcastic and genuinely relieved. “Just, please make sure to get a taxi back to your homestay? A licensed taxi.”
“Yes, alright, mother, I am hanging up on you now.”
“No, wait, I’m sorry, can we just-“
But Nandor had already waved the connection away with a swipe of his hand. The sound of shouted conversations and thumping beats drifted down the hall, the bathroom’s occupants remaining awkwardly silent. Nandor’s lip quivered.
“What have I done? He hates me even more now! I’m just a big dumb, stupid, burden!” The bloody tears began to flow once more, the E-Vamp’s eyes and vape pen glowing brightly behind him. The bathroom friends, now bored, gradually drifted back to the dance floor. Nandor finally gathered himself enough to go stumbling back through the crowded bodies and the emergency exit. Two human men were milling about outside, oblivious to the den of predators lurking below.
“Feuer?” one of them asked Nandor, gesturing at an unlit cigarette in his hand.
“Why yes, of course,” Nandor summoned forth a bright flame from his left palm.
“Oh mein Gott!” The men screamed, fleeing the premises.
“Hmph, rude,” Nandor moped, wandering about in search of one of those sensible taxis Guillermo had mentioned. But the streetlights had grown blurry, signs harder to read. The world had lost its edges and his head swam with barely coherent thoughts, acidic blood creeping back up his throat. He finally found his way onto a main thoroughfare and scanned the street for cabs, miraculously hailing and getting inside of one in spite of the warping of space time that was happening all around him.
“Wo gehen Sie hin? Where are you going?”
“Um, I’ve, it’s on the tip of my tongue…” Nandor dithered.
The driver sighed loudly.
“It’s on the West side of the Wall, I think? If that helps?”
“There is no more Wall here, sir.”
“Really? Wasn’t that like, one of your biggest attractions? Seems a waste to tear it down.”
“Sir I haven’t got all night. Do you know where you are going or no?”
Nandor searched his memories, then his pockets, and finally pulled up the handwritten notes from the Guide with his host’s address. He handed it up to the driver, who wordlessly peeled off. When they arrived back at the manor, Nandor practically fell out of the vehicle and misted himself through the house’s front door, completely forgetting about the unpaid cabbie still parked in the driveway, who looked on in shock. The vampire floated through the long hallway, still managing to trip over the furniture in his gaseous state. By the time he slid under the lid of his guest coffin, he was completely spent and dizzily blacked out.
…
Nandor came to surrounded by an unfamiliar silk coffin lining. The garish lavender hue was certainly not what he would have picked out. The fuzzy, yet guilt-ridden memory of the previous night’s ‘call’ returned almost instantly. He’d somehow made things even worse with Guillermo, after promising himself he wouldn’t meddle, wouldn’t interfere with the man’s new and probably better life. He never wanted to get out of coffin again, but supposed that would be rather inconvenient for his host. He allowed himself to sulk for a little while longer before pushing the lid up and over his head.
“Evening, Master.”
Nandor nearly fell backwards.
Guillermo stood before him in his trench coat and combat boots, his expression carefully neutral.
“Fucking guy, you just about scared me half to death!”
“I mean, you’re kind of already de-“
“I know that, it was a manner of speaking!”
They stared awkwardly at one another for a beat.
“Anyway, what are you doing here, how did you even find me?” Nandor’s voice became softer, gentler.
“Once I knew you were here in Berlin, Nadja and I got a list of Vampiric Council hosts in the area and I ran through them all until I got here,” Guillermo shrugged.
“And then forced himself into the house holding myself and my familiar at stake point, the little madman!” Werther had burst into the room. “Demanded to see you right away or ‘he couldn’t be held responsible for his actions,’” Werther appended air quotes.
“I might have gotten a little carried away…” Guillermo admitted sheepishly. “But it was only because I was worried about you, Master!”
“Oh. I am…sorry Guillermo. For yelling at you last night. For making you worry about me. For everything, really. I have not been very kind to you.”
“No, you haven’t.”
“Excuse me, but I feel I am missing a great deal of context for this fascinating little tête a tête,” Werther butted in.
“Oh would you get out!” Nandor shooed him away and he reluctantly left the room.
“It has…not been the same without you around, Guillermo. I think I am not so good at this whole being on my own, finding myself thing. I have missed you,” Nandor looked away. Eye contact would be too painful after such an admission.
“Aw, I missed you too Master! I would have been here this whole time, if it were up to me. You know that, right?”
Nandor at last climbed all the way out of the guest coffin, moving towards the other man. He lifted his hands tentatively, then paused, unsure of himself.
“Are you try…Would you like a hug, Master?” Guillermo held his arms up with an inviting smile.
Nandor hesitated, then gave in, holding Guillermo tightly to his chest. They stayed like that for what felt like ages, Guillermo’s soft curls pressed against his shirt.
“This is quite nice, actually,” Nandor murmured.
“Mmm, should’ve done this sooner, huh?”
“Perhaps…” Nandor never liked to cede a point, but maybe he could let this one go.
“So, uh, what now? Are we okay?” Guillermo sounded quite shy for someone who had just subdued a vampiric household at stake point. “Do you wanna do some sightseeing? I’ve never been to Germany before…”
“I suppose you could see some sights with me, if you really must be tagging along.”
Guillermo beamed. “Great! I’ve been going through the guidebook I just bought and I found some museums that do late nights here, and there’s also a cool nature preserve with rewilded water buffalo just outside of town. I took German in high school so that should help us with getting around… ”
“Hey, hey whose idea was this whole trip anyway, you think you are in charge now?”
“I can always leave again, if you’d prefer to do your own thing,” Guillermo glanced shrewdly out of the corner of his eye.
“No, no, there is no need for that,” Nandor panicked. “I wouldn’t actually mind befriending these aquatic cattle you speak of…”
“Cool! Though I was thinking maybe for tonight we could do a little city tour? I’ve heard the Kreuzberg neighborhood is nice, we could start there.”
“Guillermo, it would be my honor to accompany you on your Grand Tour, as befits all cultivated young men.”
“I don’t think the Grand Tour has been a thing since, like, a bunch of rich people were doing it in the 1800s, but okay.”
“Well how am I supposed to know these things? It wasn’t that long ago. Anyhow, shall we?” Nandor gallantly offered Guillermo his arm. The man blushed, pausing a moment before slipping his arm in the vampire’s.
…
“Could we stop for food somewhere first? I haven’t eaten since I flew in this afternoon.” Guillermo was scanning the shopfronts as they climbed out of the U-Bahn station, finding a mix of bustling Turkish restaurants and wood-paneled bars.
“Ah yes of course, your little human intestines must be quite empty right now.”
“I mean, if you want to be graphic about it, then yes.”
They strolled for a few blocks before Guillermo picked a sleepy Döner kebab shop with a large courtyard terrace in the back, away from the street noise. Nandor absorbed himself in a stack of pamphlets advertising various arts events on a table by the front door. He had no idea what “Guerrilla Puppet Theater” was, but it was always good to absorb some new culture. In the meantime, Guillermo had collected his order and placed his tray on an outdoor table, returning inside to collect some ketchup packets for his fries just as an obnoxious pack of roughhousing college boys crowded into the shop. Guillermo overheard enough of their conversation to pick up on some snide remarks about his weight and sweater choice, but tried his best to ignore them, until he heard a sudden, collective scream of laughter.
“Wo ist dein Döner, eh?” A blonde little shit in a “Space X” t-shirt ribbed him in the side.
“Es ist…draußen?” Guillermo looked confused, only to turn around and see his dinner being pecked apart by a flock of rock pigeons that had just swept into the courtyard. His shoulders slumped in defeat. He was so, so hungry.
“Hey now, what is the meaning of this?” Nandor had been watching from around the corner. “Are you mocking my friend’s misfortune?”
Nandor grabbed the little shit and lifted him up, one-handed, by the collar. The other youths, cowed into silence, slowly backed away. They furtively slipped out the front door, one after the other, until only Guillermo, Nandor and his prey remained.
“Do you have something you’d like to say to my friend?” Nandor asked in a nagging, school teacher tone. “Say, ‘I am very sorry that I mocked your misfortune.’”
The boy turned towards Guillermo and mechanically repeated after the vampire.
“Well now that he’s apologized, maybe you can drop him and I can get some more food to take away?” Guillermo couldn’t help but smile at his dashing rescuer.
“Actually I’m feeling a bit hungry myself now. I might bring him along for takeaway as well.”
“Was?!?”
“Hush you,” Nandor chided the boy.
“Sounds good Master. I’ll order another kebab and we can go check out the canal. I read it’s really pretty this time of year.”
…
Seated near the Landwehrkanal behind an overgrown thicket, Guillermo ate his kebab and sipped from a bottle of cheap beer while Nandor drank from the teen’s snapped neck. It was nice, peaceful, watching the moonlight reflecting off the water and enjoying their respective meals. The sound of boozy chatter and tinny music played over smartphone speakers drifted towards them from the canal’s edge; the scent of blossoming lilacs mingled with the tang of cigarette smoke. Bands of friends were lingering late into the night around makeshift picnics and parties. Nandor, having had his fill, shoved the dead body into the water, setting off a deafening splash.
“Master! You wanna be a little more discreet?” Guillermo whispered harshly into his ear. But the revelers barely gave the sinking corpse a second glance.
“Hey, I was just trying to help out and save you the trouble of burying him,” Nandor gave his shoulder an affectionate shove. Guillermo rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly.
“Look at this shit,” Nandor pointed to the heaps of discarded wine bottles, potato chip bags, joints and cigarettes coating the ground around them. “Such litterbugs.”
“Well I guess at least the body will decompose,” Guillermo conceded.
The bushes a few yards to their right began to loudly rustle, startling them out of their conversation. The rustling was then followed by a series of throaty moans. Guillermo stealthily drew a stake from his bandolier, just in case. Standing up and craning his neck, he was greeted by the silhouette of a clandestine blowjob being performed under the canopy of a willow tree.
“Guillermo!” Nandor whispered. “What is going on? And what is all this heart pounding and blood rushing I’m hearing from you?”
“It’s…nothing. Not an assassin or anything we have to worry about, anyway.”
“Well, what is it then? Some adorable woodland creatures perhaps?”
“Uh…”
Nandor pushed past Guillermo and finally saw for himself.
“Those guys are really putting on a show, eh?” Nandor chummily clapped Guillermo’s shoulder.
“Yeah, I guess…” the other man tried to compose himself.
“Nadja and Laszlo would really love it here,” Nandor sighed, fluffing out his cloak to sit back down. “Not that I miss them or anything.”
“Course not.” Guillermo knew he didn’t really mean it.
Nandor fidgeted with his hands, unsure of what to do or say next.
“Sorry to be teasing you. I know you are very private when it comes to these carnal matters.”
“It’s okay. I mean, God knows I should be used to it by now, working for you guys.”
“Language, Guillermo! Still, I know I have not always been very sensitive about your delicate human emotions. I would like to be more understanding of you.”
“That-that’s actually really sweet, Master.”
They sat in silence for a while, the empty space filled by the sounds of tipsy laughter, the crash of water as someone attempted a clumsy cannonball into the fetid canal.
“Look at them, so full of life,” Nandor mused.
“I guess, as long as they don’t get sepsis or something from that water,” Guillermo examined the brown-black stream with distaste.
“Why don’t you ever do these things, Guillermo?”
“What, are you asking me why I don’t swim drunk in pond scum?”
“I mean, you are young! You could be out enjoying the drugs and the dancing and the blowjobs. But you are not so much. Or at least, not that you have told me about?”
“It’s not like I have a lot of free time, taking care of you guys,” Guillermo was becoming flushed and flustered.
“But you want to be a vampire, no? I thought people who wanted to be vampires were like Laszlo, all wanting to be drinking blood and fucking forever. Might as well get some practice in. We could give you another night off, if that would help.”
“I mean, I don’t think those are the only reasons. But, thank you…”
“Well, what is your reason then?”
“I-Do you really want to know?”
Nandor nodded slowly.
“Okay, I guess I just, never really felt like I belonged anywhere, growing up. Not at home, not at school. Like I wasn’t meant to be there, in that world. I don’t know how to explain it. But you guys seem so free, like you don’t care what anyone thinks of you, how weird you seem to other people. I figured maybe, once I was turned, I could be like that too. Just, not giving a shit anymore. I guess this all probably sounds pretty silly to you. Like, I haven’t been alive for a millennium, what do I know?” Guillermo huffed a laugh.
“It’s not silly,” Nandor said softly. “I think I might know a little bit about this feeling you are feeling. Sometimes I am also getting the sense that I am not in the right place, or time. It can be very lonesome.”
“Yeah,” Guillermo agreed, giving him a sympathetic look.
“Still…I am sure there are many gentlemen who would be quite honored to share the pleasure and companionship with you, if you put yourself out there a bit,” Nandor began to shyly trace circles on Guillermo’s coat sleeve.
“I, uh, that’s very nice of you to say…”
“It’s true! I see the way you are wielding your weapons and such, it is very alluring…”
“What was in that guy’s blood? Are you high again?”
“I am being serious! I am trying to tell you how sexy you are!”
“R-really? You think I’m-“
“Yes, is that really so hard to believe?”
“Well yeah, actually, you never seemed to notice me that way before,” Guillermo noted bitterly.
“I’m noticing now, that’s something, isn’t it?”
“What are you trying to say, Master? Please don’t be messing with me, I-I don’t think I can handle that,” Guillermo’s eyes were shining with unshed tears. “I mean, I think even you’ve probably figured out how I feel by now.”
“Okay, rude! But, I think I have an idea, yes,” Nandor looked down at his hands. “I don’t mean to be making fun with you, though I suppose it is my fault that you would think so. I meant what I said.” He tenderly drew his thumb across the other man’s cheek, brushing away a stray tear.
Guillermo, throwing caution to the wind, moved forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Nandor’s lips, who gave a wide-eyed stare in response.
“I’m sorry, was-was that okay? It’s okay if it wasn’t okay, I probably misread things-“
“Guillermo, relax! It was more than okay,” the vampire drew him into his arms so the making out could properly commence. Their mouths and tongues wrestled with messy enthusiasm, hands roaming clumsily. But even this wasn’t enough contact, and Nandor drew his companion up further, into his lap, time becoming a blur as they dived headlong into one another. When Guillermo finally came up for breath again, they looked at one another in a disbelieving daze.
“Wow, that was, uh, something,” Guillermo laughed nervously, adjusting his glasses back into place.
“Well you started it,” Nandor teased.
The bathers were now toweling the canal grime off themselves and a blue tinge in the sky warned of morning’s arrival.
“Looks like it’s starting to get light out, we better get you back to coffin.”
“Hmph I guess.”
“Aw, c’mon, you don’t want to miss out on nap-naps, do you?”
“Stop babying me Guillermo I am 760! 759? One of those!”
“Sorry, you’re right.”
Guillermo tugged him up off the ground with a fond smile and they rejoined the masses of picnickers and partygoers fumbling their ways back to the U-Bahn and the night-buses. They passed rows of crowded late shops, shuffling pedestrians and wobbling bicyclists, high spirits dwindling around them.
“You are very quiet Guillermo. Is your tongue tired?”
Guillermo went crimson. “No, just…thinking.”
“You know, what happened tonight, I wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime…”
“Yeah?” Guillermo brightened.
“It’s a long ways to Al Quolindar, we have many electrical carriages and caravans to be passing the time in…”
“Oh no, we’re not going to be one of those couples, are we? Or, I mean, one of those…whatever we are.”
“Are you saying there is something embarrassing about others bearing witness to our passion?”
“No, of course not. I can’t wait, Master.”