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How to Insult Your BFF in 5 Syllables or More

Summary:

It was just an accident and maybe a little his fault.

Notes:

I'm addicted to the Alador&Darius&Odalia friendship and I regret nothing!! 😤 I'm gonna start calling them "The Purple Trio" from now on LOL

I totally blame (but not really) moringmark and their comics for keeping my soul fed with such quality content 😉

If you get the title reference, you're my new bff 😆

Disclaimer: Our lord and savior, Dana Terrace, owns The Owl House

 


DO NOT COPY OR DUPLICATE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!!


(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

"I cannot believe you did that!"

"I said I was sorry!"

"Darius, Odalia, it's fine--"

"Sorry? 'Sorry' doesn't make up for what happened!"

"It's not like I did it on purpose! It was instinct!"

"Oh my Titan! 'Instinct' is not what bashed my boyfriend's face in!"

"If you trained your team better, we wouldn't be in this situation!"

"Don't bring my team into this! If you didn't have your ugly, pimply nose in a book and were actually paying attention for once, Alador wouldn't be bleeding everywhere!"

"There's not much blood, it just hurts--"

"Well excuse me, your majesty, if I value my education more than some gruesome sport and--wait. DID YOU JUST CALL ME UGLY?!"

"If the cleansing face-mask, which you so desperately need, fits. Also, the Deadwardian Era called. They want their pompous hairstyle back."

"Oh please, like you're one to talk. Dreadlocks, ugh. It's like you stuck your head in a fire-bee nest."

"Can someone please bring me to the Healer's Office?"

"THE PANTS YOU BOUGHT LAST WEEK MAKE YOUR ASS LOOK FAT!"

"AT LEAST PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT MY ASS, YOU FLAT-BUTTED WITCH! BY THE WAY, CAPES ARE SOOOOOO LAST CENTURY, DAR!"

"YOU WISH YOU HAD MY FASHION SENSE, LIA! TOO BAD YOUR ORACLE MAGIC CAN'T PREDICT YOUR WARDROBE!"

"YOUR ABOMINATION MAGIC MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A HACK!"

Alador sighs and keeps blotting his bloody nose with Darius' handkerchief.

It was just an accident and maybe a little his fault. He wanted to watch (*cough* ogle *cough*) his boyfriend during his Grudgby practice and dragged Odalia out from the library for some fresh air, even though she took the books with her. They were sitting close to the railing when Eda botched a throw and sent the ball sailing toward the pair. Eda yelled out a warning and Alador assumed Odalia heard it too. Just as he started to move away from hurtling projectile, his best friend, without looking up from her book, grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him in the path of the ball to shield herself. Alador, dizzy from the painful impact, caught Odalia's confused and panicked expression, meaning she didn't realize what she had done until a peeved Darius stomped over and instigated their current shouting match.

Someone taps his shoulder, "Are you okay, Blight?"

Alador looks up at a sheepish Lilith, garbed in her Grudgby uniform, and waves a hand. "Just peachy, Clawthorne," his voice coming out all nasally.

Lilith shakes her head and takes a seat next to him. She draws a navy-hued healing circle in the air and hovers it over his aching nose. "I want to say sorry about Edalyn."

The witch in question is standing at the sidelines with her scroll in hand as she records Darius and Odalia's argument and looking entirely too gleeful. Raine tries to appear neutral but Alador notices them holding back a smirk at the clever insults.

"No worries. It's just Eda being Eda."

Lilith rolls her eyes, "Don't I know it." She glances over at the still-bickering pair. "Shouldn't we stop them?"

"As long as no one throws a punch, they'll be fine."

Not five seconds after Alador said that, Odalia rallies a battle cry and lunges at Darius, viciously tugging at his dreadlocks. Darius yells out, grabs her flailing hands, and wrestles her to the ground. Eda and Raine laugh and holler at the tussling duo while Alador and Lilith dully stare at them.

"Remind me again why you're dating Darius and are friends with Odalia?" Lilith inquires with a quirked eyebrow.

Alador hangs his head in defeat.

 

 

 

 

 

Later that day...

Darius and Odalia are curled up on the latter's settee with matching face-masks and dressed in comfy loungewear as they flip through fashion blogs on their scrolls. Everything looks calm but underneath the face-masks, the duo sport matching black eyes and faint fingernail scratches running down their cheeks.

"Ooh look at this cape! The fabric is absolutely gorgeous," squeals Odalia. "I'm going to order three in different colors."

Darius hums, "Those Deadwardian ladies sure had some wicked hairstyles."

Alador, seated between them with his own face-mask and a bandaged nose, gracefully ignores his boyfriend and his best friend and fiddles with his latest Abomaton project. He wonders how two witches who were literally at each other's throats just a few hours ago can go back to being besties so easily.

"You two baffle me," he grumbles to himself.

"Did you say something, darling?" Darius asks, gently nudging his foot against Alador's knee.

"Nope, not a word, dear."

Odalia squeals again, "Look, Dar, I found those pants in your size!"

Notes:

Comments and kudos always make me smile 🩷