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Adora took a sip from her coffee, taking a discreet glance at the woman across from her. Even in times like these, Catra looked as beautiful as the day she had first seen her.
The blonde sighed as she tried to focus on the tink of her cup as it touched the table, on how Catra was staring at the wood like it was a fascinating battle strategy she hadn't seen before, on the scars across Catra's arms-
That thought hurt.
It was silly, really. Pathetic, almost, how a single thought could hollow Adora out. She could pretend, at least in front of Catra, that she hadn't seen the way the magicat's arm shook and flexed underneath the scar, jerking around at times. She could ignore the swears she heard, the way Catra would hold her arm and turn away from anyone, if she knew they were watching. But, the minute she truly thought about it, it hurt.
It was more than just the nerve damage Catra had, that could be fixed. But the permanent pain that Adora had, knowing where the scars had come from. Knowing that the almost surgical edge to them had come from a sword she luckily no longer had access to. Knowing they had come from her.
"Think of the sword as an extension of your arm."
Adora had meant to punch her, keep her away for a second longer. But, her sword was her arm, and her arm was her sword. They were too interchangeable in Adora's mind, and she hadn't noticed the metal materializing before it was too late.
The memory of the scream Catra had let out dug through Adora's body. It opened her ribcage, leaving her bare and hollow for the world. She felt the anxiety fill up the space where vital organs had once been, suffocating her and leaving her gasping for air. It tingled through her arms, forcibly moving them to circle around her body. The sword was gone, but the marks it left on both the mind and body could never be erased.
Adora knew what was coming, an anxiety attack, she was sure of, so she tried to focus on something else on Catra. But, all she could see were the indents and discolored skin that had come from injuries caused either by the blonde or something the blonde failed to stop from happening.
Anger, anger at herself, filled the empty space that the anxiety couldn't reach, finally leaving Adora full of something. It felt so nice to be full again, even if she wasn't happy. She could stand this, the everlasting anxiety and hatred at everything except for Catra. Adora loved it, in fact. Maybe too much.
Adora stretched, trying and somewhat succeeding at ignoring the rising levels of emotions in her. Her muscles stretched, leaving behind a dull burning that made Adora feel accomplished. She stretched her legs out, reveling in the distinct pain that was left behind after she let her calves relax. It was enough to distract her from everything else, until she looked at Catra.
Her beautiful multi-colored eyes, the way her fangs curled around her lips when she smiled, how her nose scrunched up when she laughed. Adora loved this woman, loved everything about her. She could never get enough of the feline. She knew that the constant need to be around her would get annoying at some point, but for now Catra hadn't aired anything bad about it.
Though, sometimes, Adora felt saddened when Catra would talk about wanting to hug her whenever Adora was out, but deny wanting anything when Adora got back. The blonde needed to be near her at all times, to hug her and love her. And, it seemed, Catra never wanted to love her when Adora really needed it.
But Catra still smiled at her, and laughed at her jokes, and called Adora "Her dummy,". It hurt sometimes, but Adora didn't care. She loved Catra, and nothing would ever change that.
"'Dora?"
Adora hummed, whipping her head up to look at Catra. The woman was smiling at her, her head tilted in a questioning manner.
"What's going on in that thick skull of yours?" Catra asked, a smirk curling around her lips.
Adora chuckled. "Thinking about how much I love you." She reached across the table, grabbing one of the magicat's tan hands in her own.
Catra squeezed her hand, leaning over the table. "You're such a sap." She whispered, before closing the gap and kissing Adora.
Sure, Catra didn't want to love Adora sometimes. But when she did, Adora loved it.