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"I really hate your galaxy," Cam yelled, spluttering cold salt water as he trod water. "This never would have happened to us on Earth."
Vala, kicking next to him, grinned. "That's not entirely true, you know. Remember last month?"
"I'd rather forget it," Cam said at the same time that John, still on the pier, asked, "What happened?"
"Well –" Vala started.
Cam splashed her a little. "We're not talking about it."
"It's not nice to keep secrets," John said mildly.
Cam splashed him a lot more than he had Vala, sending John scampering away. "Let's go back to talking about how much I hate your galaxy."
"Be nice." Vala paddled close enough to nudge Cam with her nose. "This galaxy has John."
"This galaxy has John, and a machine that just transformed all three of us into sea otters," Cam corrected.
*
Cam and Vala had been hanging out in the doorway of the lab, trying to persuade John to come for lunch. Well, Vala had – Cam had just been along to make sure she didn't steal anything (and maybe a little because they were supposed to be a trio, and they both missed John more than they talked about). "One more device," McKay had bargained, and John had rolled his eyes and grinned and picked up something small and square and –
And suddenly all three of them had been small, furry, and a hell of a lot closer to the ground than they'd been before.
And now here they were: Vala floating idly on her back, paws tucked against her chest; John resolutely on the pier, not even getting his paws wet; and Cam, paddling between the two of them, cursing Pegasus and Atlantis and the Ancients.
Who the hell even needed a device that turned people into sea otters? Sea otters, of all things.
"What I want to know," Vala said, flipping herself over and paddling to the pier. She raised her head out of the water enough to nudge her nose against John's. It wasn't easy to see on their furry faces, but Cam was pretty sure John was smiling.
"What you want to know?" Cam prompted, paddling a little closer and contemplating joining John on the pier. It was tempting, but the water was warming up, and he liked the way the waves felt over his damp fur.
Vala paused in nuzzling around John's ears. "How come it just got us? McKay was standing right by John, it didn't touch him, or any of the other scientists in there. Just us, in the doorway."
John made a weird movement that might have been a shrug, if he was still human. "You don't have the gene."
"All the scientists did?" Cam asked, curious now that Vala had mentioned it.
John tilted his head, and Cam very carefully didn't think that it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen. "Zelenka doesn’t, or Simpson."
"So why just us?" Vala repeated.
"And why John?"
Vala nuzzled John's ears again. "Because John makes an adorable sea otter."
John mock-growled at her, then jumped, a strange, twisting, sinewy movement, rolling her onto her back and pinning her. Vala squeaked, but a moment later, she was rolling John, snapping her teeth near his neck. The two of them tumbled across the pier, over and over until Cam wasn't sure how he knew which was which, only that he did, and that he could see exactly what Vala was doing, even if John couldn't.
He should have warned John – any half-decent boyfriend would. On the other hand, any boyfriend of Vala's would have more sense than to get between her and a cunning plan.
John clued in a moment too late, right as Vala rolled them so she was underneath, John on top – and let go, sending John, yelping and flailing, straight into the water.
John came up spluttering, scrambling for the pier as Vala darted back, out of his reach. Cam caught John, forelegs tight around John's middle, holding him but not pulling him. He felt John squirm, not exactly trying to get away and –
Cam let go of John like he'd been burned, dropping back into the water. John, who must have been relying on Cam to hold him up more than Cam realized, fell into the water with him, and when they surfaced, Vala was peering down at the two of them.
"Cameron, darling, what are you doing?"
"I slipped," Cam said, hoping his otter face hid how he was lying better than his human face did.
"On what?" Vala demanded, but John was scrambling out of the water, his back to both of them, and it didn't take two decades of friendship to know John had figured him out.
"I'm sorry," Cam said, knowing he was making things worse. He scrambled out of the water, sticking close to Vala. "John, I'm sorry, it was just –"
"I made it happen," John said dully, nothing like the gleeful way he sometimes did when he chose to get hands on in sex, weirdly victorious over getting Cam hard, like just looking at John didn't do it for Cam.
"I didn't mean it like that," Cam said, though he had, sort of. Just not that John was responsible for his sudden, unexpected erection.
"Oh," Vala said softly. She padded over to John, nudging her nose against his shoulder, then, when he didn't move away, higher, against his ears and his cheek, rubbing against his nose, the closest she could get to a kiss in this body.
Cam watched John melt into it, relieved. For all that John didn't seem to care about having sex, or even to want it, he loved to kiss. Both Vala and Cam had always been more than happy to oblige, kissing John down into a half-melted puddle of drowsy contentment, Cam's heart aching a little with how happy John looked like that.
Vala looked over, the message in her eyes clear. Cam still hesitated a little before inching across to the two of them and letting himself press against John's side. "Sorry," he murmured in John's ear, nipping it gently. "Love you, sorry."
John turned a little, pressing his cheek to Cam's. His eyes were closed. "Both of you," he said. "So much. S'okay."
It probably wasn't, not quite, but they'd all had to get used to not quite okay right away. With John in another galaxy for a good half of every year, even after the whole Atlantis-in-San-Francisco-Bay thing, they weren't together enough for things to fully stabilize, or to learn all the places that could hurt if pressed too hard.
"It's all right, sweetheart," Vala said, soft and sweet. "I'll make his scary erection go away."
It should have been mocking – the first time Vala had said something like that, Cam had held his breath, sure the whole thing was about to fall about, that John would walk out and never come back. Instead, John had looked at her for a long moment, blinked, and then rolled onto his back, one arm tucked behind his head, and said, "Okay."
He didn't roll onto his back this time, just bumped his nose against Cam's cheek, then Vala's, and wriggled out from between the two of them. He hesitated then, looking between them – Cam and Vala really had quite a lot of sex, and John liked being in bed with them while they were doing it, even if he didn't usually want to join in. Cam thought it was because John liked to be right there for the post-coital cuddly part; Vala said it was how John reminded himself he was a part of them, when he was out of the galaxy most of the time.
No bed now, though, just the metal pier, and the hope that no-one was watching (Ronon and Teyla had followed them when they'd all three bolted for the water, and promised to leave them be until they could be fixed).
"Mrr," John said, sounding like a disgruntled cat, and curled himself up on Vala's left side, head on his folded paws.
Cam really, really wished he had a camera, and the thumbs to use it.
"Cameron, it doesn't exactly make a lady feel wanted when she's naked and sexy right in front of a man, and he's got a goofy cute grin on his face."
"We're all naked," John pointed out idly. "We're sea otters."
"But are we all as sexy as me?" Vala asked, to which the answer was, obviously, a resounding no.
Vala, in general, liked to be on top, and Cam was generally disinclined to argue when she was riding him, her hair spilling over her bare shoulders, her lovely breasts shifting with her rhythm. Especially on the bad days, when his old injuries screamed and he had to concentrate twice as hard not to let his mind wander and lose his erection. Unfortunately, sea otters, or at least humans very recently turned into sea otters, didn't have the necessary coordination, or length in their limbs, for that.
John laughed at them as they tried to get themselves into the right position for Cam to get his cock into Vala, and didn't look at all cowed when they both glared at him. "You look ridiculous," he said.
"I know," Vala said sadly, just as Cam finally managed to push into her. She sighed happily. "Worth it though."
It was – sex with Vala and John was always worth it, even when it was much worse than trying to keep their balance and make it good. And maybe this wasn't the best sex they'd ever had, or ever would have, but it didn't matter. It was sex the way they were supposed to have it, the three of them together.
Even if they were sea otters.
After, Cam rolled over and wrapped his arms – okay, paws – around John, who snuggled into him like he was doing it for warmth. Vala took a few hopping paces away from them and shook herself from head to tail. Her fur was still wet, so it didn't make as much of a difference as she'd probably intended. She made a half-hearted attempt at cleaning herself, then flopped down on top of the two of them.
"Ow," John said mildly. He wriggled a little, until Vala was tucked partly between the two of them, her nose pressed into John's shoulder, one tiny paw over Cam's ear. The sun was warm on Cam's fur, and he really wanted to sleep for a bit, then maybe go fishing.
"Um," John said after a while. Cam nosed him sleepily, not bothering to open his eyes. "So, it might be my fault that the device changed the two of you as well."
"Makes a change from it being mine," Vala said. Then, "Why is it your fault?"
"I might have been… thinking about you. When I turned it on. And it might have, maybe, got the two of you as well because I was thinking it would be fun to get to play with you for a while, instead of having to work."
Vala made a noise that could only be described as a purr, and Cam nuzzled at John a little. "I think that might be the sweetest thing you've ever said," Vala told John, who would undoubtedly have been blushing, if he hadn't been a sea otter.
"What she said," Cam agreed, tugging the two of them closer, until they were curled around each other, a sleepy, warm pile of damp sea otter fur. It felt great.
At least until he woke up, and discovered they'd changed back while they were sleeping, and were now curled up in a startled awake, sunburnt pile of naked people, being watched by Keller, McKay and really far more science and medical staff than Cam really wanted to have see him naked.
"I mentioned I hate your galaxy, right?"