Work Text:
-1-
It was strange to live in a house. He got sick of his flat, his nerve wrenching landlord and the noise from outside made it hard to relax after work. Sirius was not 21 anymore. So, here he was in the suburbs, moving into a house all by himself. It wasn‘t bad, he had an overgrown garden for Padfoot to play in and big windows. It was a thousand times preferable to his other housing option: the dark corner of hell located at Grimmauld Place. This house at least held some fond memories and on top of that was expertially designed for a excentric old gay man like himself.
He had wondered for a while how to properly introduce himself to his neighbours. “Nothing like a solid neighbourhood,“ Lily had pleaded over and over again since he mentioned moving. He never had to deal with shit like that. He didn‘t particularly care for pleasantries, they left a sour taste in his mouth. The flooring you picked out is delightful, Petunia. Who gave a shit?
On a day his client of the day decided to cancel their appointment last minute, Sirius baked a fruit cake. Afterwards he realized he had noone to share said fruitcake with and his eating a whole cake in one sitting days were long over. Maybe that was it. The perfect time to introduce himself to the neighbours. It probably wasn‘t, but Sirius was bored out of his mind and it seemed like a decent idea at the time.
He started with the house right next to his. The front garden was pretty with all different kinds of flowers but didn‘t look too clean or empty. He hadn‘t caught a glimpse at the inhabitants, but no time like the present to find out.
He rang the bell and waited. This was the point where he was supposed to put on a smile and be almost likeable. And he did. He could be charming, sure, did it all the time in his shop. After a long moment a lanky teenager opened the door. His hair was curly and dyed a vibrant blue shade and he looked at him quizzical.
“Hello?“, the boy asked.
“Hiya, lad, I‘m Sirius. I just moved in next door and wanted to introduce myself“, he said slightly awkward, “I‘ve got fruitcake“
“ ´m Teddy. You moved into Alphard‘s house?“, Teddy made a swift handmotition to his house and Sirius nodded, slightly struck by the question. It hasn‘t been that long since Alphard passed.
“Miss that bloke. Completely mental but also cool. He babysit me sometimes when I was little“
“He was very cool; when I was still in school I spent some summers here with him. He was my uncle“
“Oh, I‘m sorry“, the boy‘s ears turned a dark red and he looked down at his hands.
“Don‘t be. He was a bit odd but that‘s sort of the best thing about him, if you ask me“, he smiled at Teddy, who smiled back way more at ease now.
“My dad always talked to him about ancient philosophy and boring old shi- stuff like that“, Sirius laughed at that because it was so Alphard, probably that one part of the Black family‘s elite tutoring that he loved. For Sirius it was the night sky, the one thing about his upbringing that stuck with him- other than trauma- and to this day he could point out stars and constellations and find beauty in them. They were inspiration for a lot of his art and everytime he tattooed a star, especially the one he was named after, it felt like reclaiming a part of the sky, like a big fuck you to his mother. Teddy reminded him of himself when he was younger with his wild hair and dangly earring even though the boy in front of him was way better behaved than him so far. Maybe he didn’t have a reason to be insufferable and rude like he did, maybe his father treated him well and he dressed in all black because he liked it and not because he wanted to rebel desperately. Then he thought of the little library in his basement and the layer of dust that will only be getting thicker and some more about Alphard and how much he loved to give to people who actually gave a shit instead of sitting in a pile of unused gold and dust and greed.
“Is your dad home? I think I have some books that he could enjoy and I don‘t really read“
“He‘s at work but I will let him know when he comes back, promise.“
“What about your mum? I‘m here to meet the neighbours after all“
“Noone to meet. Just me and dad,“ he shrugged and leaned against the doorframe.
“Oh sorry“
“Y‘know that‘s the problem with all the patriarchal heteronormative bullshit that tells us what a family is supposed to look like,“ he completly deadpanned and Sirius couldn‘t help but laugh. Teddy just smirked at him.
“You‘re right. I shouldn‘t have assumed, especially since I‘m on my way to 40 and live with my dog and my best mate‘s son is probably the closest I will ever get to having children.“
“Now that‘s just sad, old man“
“Watch your mouth or I change my mind and don‘t share my delicious fruitcake“
“Oh no,“ he replied. Sirius found his sarcasm amusing and never actually intended to take the fruitcake back to his place.
“Does your father know that you don‘t respect your elders?“
“He‘s aware and he mostly encourages it“, he said with a straight face and Sirius barks out a laugh. He hands the whole cake over to the boy and smiles.
“Take everything, you‘re a growing boy you need it. And tell your dad about the books and that I was here“
Teddy chuckled and thanked him, another proof that he had better manners when a young Sirius. Instead of introducing himself to more members of the local community, or whatever he had intended to do earlier, Sirius went back to his house and spent a ridiculous amount of time playing some mobile game on the couch with Padfoot lazing around with him.
-2-
“I‘m sorry, mate. I really am. You know I love that mutt but I really can‘t“, Marlene said on the other side of the line and all Sirius‘ brain provided to him was a chain of swears. He always suspected that some higher power went out of its way to make things just a little bit more complicated to him. Why else would Marlene sprain her bloody ankle the day before she was supposed to babysit (yes, he was his sweet little baby) Padfoot for a weekend? Why would all his other friends be either out of town or afraid of dogs?
“It‘s okay, Marls. Most important thing is that you get well soon“, he told her because it wasn‘t her fault it was the universes‘ and he loved her after all.
“Thanks. Good luck finding someone new and don‘t spoil Harry too much“, he laughed despite his misery.
“Who are you? Lily? Harry will be the most spoiled 14 year old in Europe this weekend!“
“Cheers to that“, she laughed .
After they ended the phone call, he stared at the wall in his shop and considered his options which looked very slim right now. He had planned to take his godson to France, so his parents could have a well deserved romantic getaway, for months now but he really needed to find someone who could look out for his precious furry child.
Later, as he pulled into his entry, he caught a glimpse of a certain blue haired neighbour who could possibly be his saviour. Kids loved dogs right? He pulled off his helmet quickly and hopped off his beloved motorbike.
“Oi! Teddy! Wait a minute!“, he shouted at the boy who was just about to enter his home but now looked at him alert. He jogged over to him and realized while kids certainly loved dogs, there was one thing that all teenagers without a doubt loved.
“I was wondering if you want to make some money?“, that definitely caught his attention.
“I‘m listening“, Teddy smiled.
“I‘m leaving for a weekend trip tomorrow and my dog sitter cancelled on me. Pads is uncomplicated, really. He‘s old and lazy and I will pay you good money, promise,“ he probably sounded desperate and slightly pathetic, which, truth be told, he was.
“Sure, I don‘t have anything better to do and Dad never let me have a dog“, Teddy actually sounded excited about the idea and Sirius let out a sigh of relief.
“Maybe check it with your Dad first and if you want you can come right over and join us on our walk. Get to know him a little.“
They parted ways for a few minutes, Teddy put away his backpack and talked to his father and then hurried to meet Padfoot. Sirius‘ dog was big with shaggy black fur or how Peter would describe him a hellhound that crawled himself to earth to bring the apocalypse. Instead of bringing hell on earth, so far, he had been a friendly dog, over the years he lost his puppylike endless energy and recently his fur had started to turn grey around the nose. Sirius never missed an opportunity to tell him how gracefully he aged, though, and he swore he could still see the puppy he had cradled in his arms so many years ago when he looked at him.
Padfoot sniffed his hand, his tail wiggling and Teddy petted him carefully with a huge smile on his face.
“He‘s badass!“, he proclaimed and Sirius chuckled.
“Don‘t tell anyone but he‘s a softy at heart.“
“Of course he is. Yes you are, bach. So sweet,“ Sirius smiled as the boy cooed at his dog and he knew he made a good decision.
“What did you just call him?“ he asked intrigued to find out more about him and the other language he apparently spoke. Teddy looked up at him surprised.
“Uhm, it means something like ‚little one‘ in Welsh“
“So you are Welsh then?“
“I grew up here but my family is from Northern Wales. I go there to visit my grandparents in the summer or for holidays and my dad says it‘s important for me to know the language, so I kind of grew up with both“
“Very cool. Fascinating language, innit? I tried to learn it once but even for me it‘s very hard“, Sirius put on Padfoot‘s leash and collar and stuffed some dog treats into his pockets. He then held the door open for Teddy so they could start their walk.
“Not a lot of people speak it, it‘s not really useful.“
“You think so? My parents made me learn dead languages since I was able to properly talk and that never had anything to do with our culture. But generally speaking being bilingual has a lot of benefits“
“How many languages do you speak?“, Teddy asked curiously as they walked down the street together. Sirius thought about it for a second.
“I‘m not sure, honestly. I had lots forced into me when I was young, some I haven‘t spoken in years. I‘m fluent in English, obviously, and French and sign language. I know some German but mostly bad words. I get along well enough in Italian, it‘s very similar to Latin and French after all. When I was in school I took a few years of Mandarin but I skipped most of my lessons if I‘m honest,“ he thought back to skipping classes with James and planning pranks and smiled a little while Teddy just gaped at him.
“Bloody Hell! Why?“
“My family was very very rich, they all have been in high ranking positions in politics or business for generations and they really hate, hm let‘s say, having fun. So, I was tutored in languages and social etiquette and playing Piano and the violin and when I was old enough they sent me to a posh boarding school in Scotland. Do you want to hold?“, he passed over Padfoot‘s leash as they reached a nearby park.
“Sure. But you don‘t look like a business person, no offense,“ Teddy said and Sirius laughed partly at the picture of him behaving and looking as stiff and cold as his father and partly at Teddy‘s confusion.
“No, I left that part of my life behind me a very long time ago. I work as a tattoo artist.“
“That makes a lot more sense.“
“Do you know what you want to do after school?“ Teddy groaned and Sirius cringed a little at himself. When had he turned into one of those annoying adults?
“Not really, but I still got plenty of time“
“You‘ve got all the time in the world. It took me so long to figure this out for myself and I still turned out alright. Just do what you want to do and don‘t listen to others or only do a shitty job for the money“
“You sound like my dad“
“He must be a very wise man, then.“
“Being smart is kind of his job,“ Teddy replied smiling and looking at Sirius' confused expression added, “He‘s a professor.“
And like that they held their easy conversation. Padfoot was on his best behaviour and Sirius had no doubts that Teddy could care for him for a weekend. They talked about the neighbourhood and how he got Padfoot and Sirius shared the plans he made for this weekend with Harry and back at his place he showed the boy everything Padfoot could possibly need and gave him his number so he could text in case something came up.
-3-
The weekend passed in a blur of sightseeing, fun and way too many sweets and it left Sirius and Harry in a happy yet exhausted mood. Since they arrived much later than anticipated, Sirius decided to first free Teddy of his dog sitting responsibilities and then take Harry back home in his car. He had barely gotten any messages from Teddy, which he saw as a good sign that his dog behaved well and was still intact. On the first night there was a quick text that warmed his heart a little.
Teddy (08:13pm): Dad insisted to take Padfoot to our house so he “wouldn‘t be alone at night“. I moved some of his stuff here so dw and just pick him up whenever you get back.
Sirius also hated the thought of Padfoot alone most of the time, especially at night when he would usually rest by his feet and was glad they had taken him in. That also meant that he felt increasingly nervous about picking him up too late because their train just wouldn‘t move for a long while and it took them another lifetime to find a cab that would take them all the way to Sirius‘ new neighbourhood. He had sent a few quick textes to Teddy about it who had replied that it was fine and he would be up anyways.
When the cab finally parked in front of Sirius‘ house and they unloaded their luggage and the driver received his well earned money, Sirius grabbed his tired godson by the arm and dragged him over to the house next to his.
“Sirius! Don‘t hurry so much! It makes like zero difference now,“ he complained a tinsy bit whiny.
“I just want my child back,“ Sirius fell into a dramatic nuance of giddy which probably just came from the exhaustion and the joy of coming back home after a successful weekend.
“It was only two days!“
“Save that speech for your father when he gets you back!“
“He knows I‘m growing up and getting independent,“ Sirius laughed at that wholeheartedly.
“You know that‘s why I have a dog. He will never grow up and find friends and go anywhere without me till one day he goes off to Uni and barely calls me anymore. He‘s just my baby forever and ever“
“You sound like a damn psychopath when you put it like that“
“Good don‘t get too comfortable,“ he replied cheekily and rang the Lupins‘ door bell.
“Remind me why do my parents love you again?“
“A very long time ago your Dad and I shared our very first kiss and I was his second choice ever since“
“You what?!“ Harry looked at him in shock and in that exact moment the door opened and a smiling Teddy greeted them.
“Hello, Teddy, this is my lovely godson Harry,“ Harry still stared at him trying to process that information and barely acknowledged Teddy who simply said hi.
“How was Padfoot? Did he behave?“
“Oh he‘s great. My dad is obsessed with him, so he got all the treats and cuddles any dog could wish for. They are actually slumbering on the sofa right now“
“I‘m very glad. Thank you, Teddy,“ Sirius smiled and behind Teddy a lazy Padfoot came through an open door and wiggled his tail as he saw Harry and Sirius. He walked up to Harry first and pressed his snout against his hand excitedly wanting to be petted.
Sirius gasped dramatically and clutched a hand to his chest. “Can you believe it? He loves you more than me!“ Harry and Teddy both laughed and Padfoot still didn‘t acknowledge him with more than a look as he leant against Harry happily.
“Before I forget, I brought you some chocolate eclairs. They‘re fantastic, right Harry? Share some with your dad too for helping out,“ he handed over the box and Teddy thanked them with a big happy grin on his face. You could never go wrong with chocolate.
“And of course your money,“ he pulled out his wallet and started to count some bills and handed the small stack over to Teddy, too. The blue haired boy beamed at him as if he couldn‘t believe it.
“Bloody Hell- thank you!“
Well, Sirius probably went a little overboard with the payment but it didn‘t hurt him in the slightest and he knew Teddy would probably find a good use for it.
“Don‘t share that, it‘s all yours,“ Sirius winked at him and Teddy just nodded frantically.
“Thank you. If you ever go away again and need someone just tell me, alright?“
“Of course. Do you want us to come in and carry his stuff?“
“No it‘s alright. I already packed and it‘s not that much and my Dad- he‘s been feeling ill and I don‘t want to wake him up. Just wait a second,“ Sirius nodded and Teddy hurried to get inside.
“So what was that about you and my dad?“, Harry asked and Sirius burst out a laugh.
“You‘re not gonna let that one go, huh?“, Harry shook his head and looked at him sternly in his best impression of his mum.
“It wasn‘t a big thing; we were in school and your mum just rejected him for the let‘s say 10th time and he wanted to practice. It was a bit weird, honestly, like kissing your brother.“
“So that‘s it?“ Harry asked suspicious.
“I mean there‘s still the celebratory peck on the lips sometimes,“ Sirius added, very amused by this conversation. And Harry made a disgusted face.
“This is worse than imagining my parents together. It‘s just wrong“
“It‘s not that bad. We‘ve been friends our whole lives and tell me you wouldn‘t just plant one on Ron if he told you his girlfriend was pregnant and you‘re the godfather“
“Nope, still wrong“
“What‘s wrong?“ Teddy came back carrying a bag of Padfoot‘s things.
“Harry thinks it‘s wrong and weird that me and my best mate in the whole world who happens to be his father have kissed.“
“Was it in a homoerotic or in a no-homo kind of way?“, Teddy asked curiously.
“The first time was very hetero, I wasn‘t even aware I was a man yet, and there were never any romantic feelings. Ever since then it was all very platonic gay kissing,“ Sirius suddenly remembered that Teddy didn‘t know about his past and his transition and watched the boy‘s reaction a bit more carefully. His face went through a combination of amusement, confusion and lastly something like understanding.
“What‘s a platonic gay kiss?“ Teddy asked and that was a very good question.
“Just two dudes who kiss in a very happy but purely friendly kind of way“
“So the dudes are straight?“ Harry and Sirius laughed.
“No but one of them is emotionally committed to his wife since they were 12 years old“
“Sorry to say it but it is a bit odd,“ Teddy concluded and Harry burst out a “thank you, see!“
“You kids wait till you get my age and understand the true meaning of friendship,“ Sirius slipped into his old grumpy man persona, “it was a pleasure to have you two gang up against me, but it‘s late and I still have to bring Harry home. Thanks again for your help this weekend“
“No problem. Have a good night“
“Good night, Teddy“ Harry and Sirius said in unison and they took Padfoot on his leash and the bag and left to take Harry home.
“Maybe I get a good night kiss,“ Sirius said in the car just to take the piss.
“Please please just don‘t“
-4-
The next time Sirius saw Teddy wasn‘t as they were coming home from school and work at the same time or anywhere near their houses. Sirius went through a very frustrating case of creative block and nothing he tried really worked so he decided to take Padfoot on an extra long walk. He didn‘t bother to put on nice clothes and just left wearing tracksuit bottoms and a tank top with a long robe. He probably looked like a maniac but he couldn‘t be bothered as he walked through unknown streets with his dog and smoked one cigarette after another. It truly wasn‘t a good day for him and it apparently showed going off the concerned mums who crossed the street with their toddlers as he approached. They walked through a park when Padfoot, the lazy sod, got tired of walking, so Sirius bought himself a coffee at an ice cream shop and sat down and lit himself another cigarette. He hasn‘t smoked that much in ages but something about this day made him need some calming down.
He watched the people around him as he smoked and was surprised to see a familiar face or better a familiar head of blue hair in the line to buy ice cream. And he was even more surprised to see another boy hold his hand and kiss his cheek as they waited and talked to each other. That didn‘t look like platonic gay kissing at all. Sirius smiled to himself and scratched Padfoot behind the ear. When he was his age this wouldn‘t have been possible. To be out in the broad daylight and show affection like that.
When Sirius was 16 he didn‘t go on ice cream dates, he was hiding in literal cupboards and sneaked around with boys who his parents would never approve of and he wore trousers instead of the obligatory skirt in school and acted as if it was an act of feminism instead of a desperate wish to not be a girl anymore. Around that time he told James about himself and he cried when he called him his brother for the first time. That same year he cut his hair short with kitchen scissors and told more of his friends and his English teacher ended up knowing and he could change rooms to share one with James and for a few weeks everything was great and he was the happiest he‘s ever been in his young life. All this ended abruptly when his parents found out. Even now so many years later he didn‘t know who told them but they knew and they spat some words at him that still haunted him and he found himself all alone on the streets in a winter night after they kicked him out and he didn‘t know where to go or who to call other than James whose parents took him in until he finished school. When he was 16 people were cruel to a queer child like him and he hoped it was different for Teddy now.
When the couple came back with their sundaes and sat down a few tables away from him, Sirius decided not to bother them, let them have their nice little moment. Padfoot, however, had different ideas and as soon as he saw the boys jumped up to run over to them. Because he was a big dog, who strongly believed he was a tiny baby, he rammed his head against the chair and let out a heart wrenching whimper that caught the attention of everyone around them.
“You stupid sod,“ Sirius whispered to him and petted his head carefully to calm him, but Padfoot only needed a few seconds of misery till he was focused on Teddy again who was now looking at him and stood up to walk over.
“Hey Sirius,“ he said as he started petting Padfoot who immediately rolled onto his back to show his stomach.
“Good to see you,“ Sirius replied and Teddy looked at him for a moment with furrowed brows.
“No offense, but you look horrific,“ Teddy said and Sirius hummed in acknowledgement, fair enough.
“Nice date?“ he asked and Teddy blushed.
“Oh god, please don‘t tell anyone“, Sirius stared at him slightly heartbroken at the realisation that the fantasy of happy gay teenagers he had just created was false.
“It‘s just my dad doesn‘t know I like boys, too, and I‘m scared to tell him. I mean he has never said anything bad and one of his best friends is queer but maybe it‘s different when it‘s me, you know? Do you know what I mean?“, he rambled a bit and Sirius tried to give him an encouraging smile.
“I‘m not going to out you, calm down. I‘ve been there and all that. It‘s none of my business“
“I want to tell him but I don‘t know how and I really want him to meet my boyfriend“
“Listen, I don‘t know your dad but from what you told me he seems decent. Just tell him about your boyfriend and let him figure the rest out and if something goes terribly wrong or you two need some distance you can come over to my place and I can help you figure it out. My friend Marlene manages a queer youth center near here and there are groups that you can go to to talk to people your age, I can send you their website later,“ Sirius tried his best to give good advice but it was difficult. He just didn‘t want that boy to ever be in his position.
“Thanks, but I kind of want to tell him the other thing, too. Get it all off my chest,“ Sirius had never seen Teddy that distressed before and it sort of freaked him out.
“What other thing?“
“You‘re trans, right?“ he asked and Sirius nodded, “Okay I wasn‘t sure but good to know. I‘m kind of too? My gender is all over the place and some days I‘m so dysphoric and others it‘s fine and I feel like a girl or don‘t want to have a gender at all but being a boy is cool, too, somedays. My close friends know that I‘m genderfluid but I want my dad to know that, too,“ Teddy talked rapidly, obviously nervous and only looking at his hands in Padfoot‘s fur. Sirius thought about that for a moment.
“It‘s okay. Gender roles are messed up and all you can really do to be happy is be yourself. If you feel up for it, you should just try to explain it to him and then all you can do is deal with the aftermath. I know this is hard, but believe me after this part it will likely get so much easier.“
“Thank you, Sirius,“ he said and hugged him, which caught him off guard. He reciprocated the hug and it also made him feel better about his day.
“Don‘t let your date wait for too long and if you need anything call me or just come over, okay“ He nodded and petted Padfoot one last time before going over to his boyfriend and their melted ice cream.
Sirius thought about their exchange all the way back to his house and later he picked up some brushes and all the thinking about his past, identity and teenagers that are scared and outcast bled onto the canvas.
-5-
The next few days, as he followed his usual routine Sirius thought a lot about Teddy and if they were alright, The uncertainty felt like torture and he contemplated texting them but decided against it because he didn‘t want to overstep or pressure them in any way. Like that more than a week passed until he saw Teddy again.
Sirius drove home from work and saw Teddy walking home just down the street, so he decided to wait by his car and ask them about it. Teddy was wearing a skirt with fishnets which Sirius saw as a good sign.
”Hello, Teddy! How‘s it going?“ he asked as soon as they were close enough. Teddy took out their earphones and smiled at Sirius.
”Hey! You really gave me the kick in the arse I needed! I did it!“ Teddy said excitedly and Sirius' smile widened.
”How did it go?“
”Let me tell you, I thought about a trillion possibilities but I didn‘t see his reaction coming. I was so nervous, like literally shaking, and I wanted to do it like you said. Just tell him about Will and see how that goes but I just couldn‘t find the words and I told him I was seeing someone and I really fancy him and want to bring him home and he got all excited but somehow I worded it so it sounded like he was a girl and I panicked when he started to ask questions about her, and I started crying and Dad was so confused. Like why would I cry over my girlfriend’s food allergies? So, I told him I‘m sorry over and over again and I finally said, `I have a boyfriend‘ and I was so scared because he just gave me a strange look,“ Sirius nodded along, signaling Teddy to go on.
”It was such a mess the whole situation and then he pulled me into a hug and I thought ‚Thank fuck!‘ and he just wouldn‘t let me go and he was shaking, too, and huh that was a pretty strong reaction. Then he looked at me and he was crying, too, and he apologized to me . And now here‘s the twist: my Dad is bi. Apparently he dated blokes before he met my Mum and he just never thought it was relevant?“
”He never said a word?“
”Not even once. It‘s strange, innit? Just I knew this man since I was born and he kept that big chunk of information to himself“
”Did he ever date a man and not tell you about it?“ Sirius asked, very intrigued by that situation.
”No, he told me he hasn‘t dated since I was born“
”So he really just thought it didn‘t matter?“
”I guess it just makes me feel like I don‘t really know him at all“
”Don‘t take it personally. You know when we were younger it was more difficult for people like us. Homosexuality wasn‘t something you would talk about and hiding…it was the only thing you could do, really. And there are some people who just got so used to hiding that they don‘t even realise they are still doing it.“
”He told me that it was hard, that my grandparents didn‘t really approve but ignored it as long as he still liked girls. And he apologised because he made me feel scared or unsure of his love and support and I think he really means it.“
”Your dad sounds like a good man,“ Sirius told him and he meant it. He had never met the man but just the way Teddy spoke about him and the fact alone that he raised a strong and kind person like Teddy proved to him that he was a good person.
”He really is. He always had me as his first priority and tried his absolute best and I know now that he has my back no matter what and I know that that is not the case for everyone“
”That‘s really precious,“ Sirius said and he got a warm feeling in his chest knowing that there are parents like that out there, more parents like James and Lily or Euphemia and Fleamont, and Teddy nodded in agreement.
”I also told him about the other thing and he was so nice about that, too. He asked a lot of questions and told me about some of his queer students and how he stays up at night to learn everyone‘s pronouns in the beginning of the term. And yesterday we went shopping for more feminine clothes for those kind of days and I‘m so happy“
”That‘s great. I‘m really happy for you,“ Sirius said genuinely and he couldn‘t help grinning like he was a bit mental but Teddy grinned right back at him.
”Talking to you the other day really helped“
”It‘s the least I could do. I love to share some queer wisdom but the courage to come out that was all you and you can be really proud of yourself“
”I think I am. Now let‘s just hope and pray Dad likes Will“
”Does he treat you right?,“ Teddy nodded not a single doubt on his face and Sirius smiled.
”Then I think you are good“
-+1-
It was a hot summer day, the sort of heat that clung to your skin and made Padfoot hide in the shadows and breath heavily all day. Sirius spent his whole day in his studio, a room that Alphard, who had also been an artist, had built and spent a lot of time in. It had perfect lighting due to huge windows but also got impossibly hot in the summer. The heat wouldn‘t stop Sirius from creating, though, so he stripped down to the bare minimum of clothing, opened all the windows in hope of getting a bit of fresh air which wouldn‘t come and started painting. With his favorite playlist playing in the background he got into a good creative flow and time passed without him really realizing. His process was disrupted by the door bell ringing, he didn‘t expect any visitors, so he went expecting a mail man or over motivated Jehova‘s witness.
What he didn‘t expect was a stunning man on his doorstep. He looked vaguely familiar, undeniably fit with his brown curls and broad shoulders and he was tall, which Sirius was really into.
”Hello, sorry to bother you. My son mentioned you have some books I could look at,“ the stranger said with a Welsh accent and he smiled which made some wrinkles around his eyes appear. Sirius should feel bad for staring at the gorgeous man in front of him but maybe the heat was getting to him and he simply couldn‘t help himself. What did he just say? Oh.
”You‘re Teddy‘s father,“ he stated and immediately felt a bit dumb for pointing out the obvious.
”Yes, I‘m Remus. It‘s nice to finally meet you,“ he held out his hand for him to shake and Sirius looked down at his own hand which was sweaty and had paint on it and suddenly he remembered what he looked like. He was only wearing a pair of shorts and had paint splatters on his scandalously naked chest and his hair was in a messy bun with some strands sticking to his forehead and neck which definitely wasn‘t a good look on him. He looked at Remus who had his eyes on Sirius‘ chest with a blank expression and he blushed which was even more embarrassing because Sirius Black didn‘t get flustered and this whole situation felt like the beginning of a very bad porn film.
”It‘s good to meet you. I‘m Sirius like the star,“ Why would he say that?,“I would love to touch y- shake your hand but you probably don‘t want paint on you“
What was wrong with him? He usually was so much smoother than that.
”Is this bad timing? I can come by another time“
”No, no. Come in. Just give me a second to put something on,“ he made a vague hand gesture to his body that Remus followed with his eyes and made Sirius feel even hotter than before. Remus then followed him inside and luckily Padfoot threw himself at the man who seemed very happy to see him and immediately started stroking through his fur. Sirius remembered that Remus was the one who had slept with his dog on the couch and insisted to not leave him alone overnight and that was just a whole new turn on.
”Be right back,“ Sirius hurried to his bedroom and put on a simple black shirt before he went to the bathroom to scrub the paint off of him. Meanwhile he stared at himself in the mirror. He did look pretty bad, flushed and sweaty and he really had to put himself together mentally. Teddy had told him a few days ago that his father doesn‘t date. Remus hadn‘t dated anyone for what must be 16 years and it would be stupid to assume otherwise now. All Sirius had to do was get his shit together and talk to him in a way that was appropriate for a neighbour who wants to look at some stuff his dead uncle left him.
When he came back downstairs, Remus was crouching on the floor and gave Padfoot a belly rub. As he came closer he could hear him talking softly in Welsh and Sirius never wanted to be a dog so badly in his life.
”Do you want something to drink?“ Remus looked up at him and smiled in a truly irresistible way.
”Yes please,“ Remus stood up, his joints cracking, ”I never got to tell you but you‘ve got yourself a great dog“
”Thanks, I know. And thank you for looking out for him that weekend. I really needed that last minute help“
”Thank you for the eclaires. I love chocolate and those were some of the best things I‘ve tasted in a long time,“ they walked to the kitchen together and Remus looked around at the decorations.
”I like what you did to the place. It feels very elevated to what it was before“
”It‘s still a work in progress. When I moved here I didn‘t have a lot of nice things to take with me from my old flat and I still didn‘t sort through all of the room. Alphard was a bit of a hoarder“
”From my experience when you live in a house it‘s never really finished but you have good taste“
”How motivating,“ Sirius chuckled as he pulled out two glasses from the cupboard. He opened the fridge just to find his options very limited.
”Is lemonade alright? My godson had a sale at school and talked me into buying way too much of it,“ he asked him.
”Sounds perfect,“ Remus smiled softly at him and Sirius almost spilled the lemonade, ”Is that the same godson you took to Paris?“
”Oh yes, the one and only. His name is Harry, his Mum sometimes complains that I spoil him rotten,“ Sirius passed the glass over and their hands touched and he really was fucked.
”Every child needs to be spoiled sometimes. As a parent I had to teach mine limits and rules and believe me that‘s not always easy. I mostly left the spoiling part to his grandparents,“ Remus looked at him with an easy smile on his face and Sirius smiled right back.
”I don‘t know how you do it. I have to confess I didn‘t even like kids before Harry was born,“ Remus laughed at that and it was a very beautiful laugh.
”What changed your mind?,“he asked earnestly.
”Well, at first I thought, bloody hell how‘s that going to work out? James has been like a brother to me since we were eleven and you have to believe me I‘ve seen him do absolutely unhinged things, like swear to god mental, and I still felt like I was just getting started in life. And now my mate wants to raise a child? But he also was so happy and Lily was, too, and it all felt so right somehow. Then he told me he wants me to be the godfather and I just knew I had no chance but to love this child forever. He was so tiny when I first held him, I thought I would break him. He was adorable, too, and -I‘m sorry for talking your ear off-, but from all the beautiful things I‘ve seen in my life seeing Harry grow up to be so wonderful, has to be the best,“ sometimes Sirius couldn‘t shut up especially when he had an opportunity to talk about his chosen family, the people he held dearly. He was a bit surprised by himself and how fast he trusted Remus by sharing those precious memories with him but he felt as if he had known him for longer than just a few minutes. He already knew how kind he was, how he treated his child and that he loved dogs (at least his) and chocolate and old books and he made it easy to share himself with him.
”You‘re right. Seeing them grow up and playing a part in them becoming their own person, it‘s so rewarding. Some days I look at Teddy and I can‘t believe how grown up he is“
”We‘re getting old, that‘s it“
”Cheers to that,“ they clinked their glasses together and held eye contact for a moment longer than most strangers would be comfortable with.
”Are you sure you don‘t want to keep them?“ Remus asked a little while later as he carefully went through the books in Alphard‘s collection and Sirius knew he would give him about everything if it meant he could see him light up like that.
”Very sure they are better off with you, Professor,“ Remus had talked a bit about his job as an ancient history professor and his love for literature and Sirius adored how passionate he was.
”Don‘t they interest you?“ he looked at Sirius in disbelief. As if the thought of someone not being thrilled by what was in front of him was out of this world.
”I‘m not anti education or anything. I love to learn new things. Reading a lot just never was for me, I prefer to listen to a podcast or teach myself a new skill, something I can do with my hands, “ Remus nodded in understanding and his eyes were fixed on Sirius‘ hands that had gestured along as he spoke.
”I bet there‘s a lot you can do with your hands,“ Remus cleared his throat, looking a bit flustered. Sirius grinned and waggled his eyebrows at him, which made him feel like a silly teenager, and so did Remus‘ chuckle that he had coaxed out of him.
”One of their many good qualities is that they are fantastic at carrying books, so please don‘t be shy and pick as many as you want,“ Sirius said with a wide smile and he spent the following hour sitting relaxed in Alphard‘s armchair watching Remus go through the book collection with an intense focus. He had Padfoot sleeping soundly by his feet and every time Remus found a book that he specifically liked he added it to the pile eagerly. It was comfortable between them, the time was filled with equal parts easy conversation and comfortable silence. Maybe Sirius should worry about how unchallenging it was for him to imagine letting his guards down and sharing his life with a person he just met. He didn‘t have it in him, though. He knew sometimes good things could happen and he had a gut feeling that this man that just showed up on his doorstep could be an example of that.
As promised, Sirius helped Remus carry the books to his house and he assured him that he could come by whenever he wanted to look at the rest of them again. He tried to find more, good enough excuses to spend more time with him, but his brain supplied him with zero ideas.
”Would you like to join us for supper tonight? As a little thank you,“ Remus asked as they were about to part ways.
”Nothing I would like more,“ Sirius responded relieved and a bit more hopeful that Remus could reciprocate his attraction.
A couple of hours later, he was back at Remus‘ house. He had effectively spent that time making himself look more put together. He showered and styled his hair to fall in soft waves to his shoulders. Sirius wished he could‘ve just picked the first thing he pulled out of his closet, but instead he obsessed over his outfit for half an hour till he finally landed on a dark button up with artfully embroidered constellations that he had bought with Lily a couple of years ago. When he was standing in front of his neighbour‘s door he felt handsome and confident and the most excited to spend an evening with another man that he had been in years. Sure, his child is going to be there, but that didn‘t dim Sirius‘ excitement in the slightest. He was curious to see Remus interact with Teddy, to see him in his role as a father. On top of that, he had always liked Teddy.
”Come in,“ a smiling Remus greeted him at the door looking just as fit as before, ” Teddy had other plans for tonight so it‘s going to be just the two of us“
”Date Night with Will?“ Sirius asked as he took off his shoes. Remus looked at him a bit puzzled.
”How do you-“
”Teddy and I talk sometimes and I ran into them together at an ice cream shop the other day,“ Sirius interrupted. He realized that it was a bit odd to know about Teddy‘s dating life before their own father did.
”He only talked about it with me a couple of days ago.“
”I know, he told me. I sort of gave him a little nudge to come out to you“
”Oh god. You must think I‘m horrible,“ Remus proclaimed and Sirius could see a shift in his expression that he didn‘t like. He looked devastated. Sirius stepped closer to him, trying to hold eye contact while Remus was avoiding it.
”I don‘t think you are horrible,“ he said softly, ”I think you are extraordinary and Teddy thinks so, too. From all I‘ve heard I know that you are a great father and Teddy really cares about what you think, which is why he was a bit scared. You raised a strong and kind person who really loves you, so please don‘t be so hard on yourself.“
Remus stared at him for a moment before responding with a soft ”Thank you“.
”Teddy talks about you a lot. He kept telling me to go over to meet you, I think you really impressed him,“ Remus broke the silence between them.
”Well, I tend to have this effect on people,“ Sirius replied with a flirtatious smile to which Remus rolled his eyes, clearly suppressing a smile of his own.
”C‘mon, supper is almost ready,“ Sirius felt a warm hand on his back and he was gently guided towards the kitchen. His heart was beating too fast, his head flooded with giddy emotions he vaguely remembered from a long time ago.
”Do you need any help?“ he asked as he watched Remus stir the pasta sauce.
”No, it‘s alright. Just keep being pretty“
”Aww you think I‘m pretty? What about handsome, fit, stunning, out of this world beautiful?“
”Don‘t flatter yourself. I get a strong feeling you are very aware since you are named after the prettiest star and all.“
”Like the Bowie song“
”Yes, like the Bowie song. Oh god that man, I‘m pretty sure he was my first love,“ Remus chuckled and Sirius beamed at him.
”He was my everything. Alphard gave me some of his vinyls when I left for boarding school and for the entire term I listened to nothing but him and Queen“
Like that they continued their conversation all throughout their meal and they laughed together a lot while they shared a bottle of wine. They ended up on the sofa, thighs pressed together, when Remus dropped a question.
”So, are you seeing anyone right now?“ he asked, studying Sirius‘ reaction.
”What? No! I hope I‘m not too forward but I‘ve been flirting with you all night. Why would you think I‘m seeing somebody,“ he responded, his tongue loosened by the wine. I was all or nothing now. He spoke of the unspoken truth that hang above their heads for hours.
”I just don‘t understand. Why is someone like you even on the market? It feels too good to be true,“ Remus argued and Sirius let out a sigh.
”This is not a fairytale. There are tons of good reasons why I haven‘t found somebody yet. I needed a long time to learn how to be alone with myself, I‘ve been in holes so deep and dark it is a miracle I got out of them. Often when I tried to really form a deeper connection, the fact that I‘m trans scared them off, or my family history or my job or something else. But I grew tired of meaningless shags, I want to put in the work and I want to be with someone who stays. And I feel some potential here,“ Sirius spread out all his cards in front of him, tried out that healthy communication thing everyone was obsessed with these days.
”I haven‘t dated anyone in over 16 years,“ Sirius nodded, ” At first it was because of Teddy. I wasn‘t prepared to be a single father and it was extremely overwhelming. Meanwhile, I still went to Uni and I had to put in tons of work to get to where I am today with my job. When I was 14 I was diagnosed with a chronic disease and I don‘t want to go into detail right now but there are days where I can‘t do the things I want to or can‘t be there for the people in my life the way I need to. It‘s not pretty and it means I have to put my health first sometimes and I will always put my child first no matter what. I like you a lot, Sirius, this whole evening has felt like a wonderful first date. I see the potential as well and I don‘t get scared easily. If you still want to and none of this is a total dealbreaker for you, we can give this a try.“
Sirius let all that sink in for a moment, really thought about what Remus had told him and came to the conclusion that he wanted this, that he wanted to get to know all sides of Remus and wanted Remus to learn about his dark sides, as time moved on. Words were stuck in his throat, he didn‘t know how anything he could say now could possibly match Remus‘ words in their significance. So, he did what he did best, took matters into his own hands. More specifically cupped Remus‘ face with his hands and leaned in for a kiss, slow enough so that Remus could back out if he wanted to. He didn‘t back out. Their lips met and it was soft and almost innocent and perfect. The overload of happiness spilled out of Sirius in the form of a giddy laugh. Remus grinned at him and kissed him again and Sirius felt as if something inside of him was melting.
They were still sitting side by side, sipping wine and exchanging stories and the occasional sweet kisses when Teddy came through the front door. He quickly entered the living room and comparing father and child side by side Sirius noticed how similar they looked.
”Hey, Sirius. Hey, Da,“ Teddy looked at the non existent space between them and grinned widely. ”Well, well isn‘t that interesting“
”Good evening, my favorite offspring,“ Remus responded with a teasing smile.
”How‘s the date going?“ Teddy asked smug and Sirius and Remus laughed.
”Fantastic,“ Sirius responded earnestly.
”Even better before the nosy teenager got here,“ Remus added and Sirius enjoyed watching their lighthearted banter.
”You wound me, old man,“ Teddy said with an overly dramatic undertone.
”Aren‘t you supposed to be in bed or something instead of insulting me? Who taught you manners?“
”You did!“
”I don‘t recall doing such a bad job“
”It‘s okay most old people get a bit forgetful,“ Sirius laughed at that.
”Hush, you! Get out of here,“ Remus grinned lightheartedly.
”Okay, okay. Just don‘t forget the bees and the-“
”Good night, sosej,“ Remus interrupted and Teddy laughed and left with a wave to the two of them.
As soon as he was gone the two men erupted in laughter.
”I can‘t believe you sent him away,“ Sirius said in between laughs.
”I can‘t believe he set us up.“