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Eren was watching him when he woke up.
It was unnerving, to wake up to those green eyes trained on him, unwavering.
Eren’s eyes had been so beautiful, brimming with hope; he used to see a better tomorrow reflected in those eyes.
And now… now he was hollow. Caught between boy and man, past and present, good and evil.
Levi ran a hand over his face; the scarring was gone, and he had all the fingers on his right hand.
“What is this?” he finally asked.
Eren rose. They were standing in the parlor of the cabin where they’d stayed after Reiner and Bertholdt had taken Ymir.
It was quiet; clean. Isolated. Levi had loved it in secret, but their days spent at the cabin had been plagued by the never-ending tug of fear that lived in every subject of Ymir within the walls.
Simpler days.
“I owe you an explanation,” Eren finally said, voice rough. “I have for a long time.”
Levi bristled, and he resisted the hair-trigger urge to rise from his seat and kick the boy. Erwin would have counseled patience; Hange would have advised he listen.
But they were gone. And now he was alone with Eren Jaeger.
“Damn right you do,” Levi scoffed under his breath. “Well? Talk.”
Eren hesitated. ““I did what I thought was best.”
“It wasn’t good enough,” spat Levi, cheeks heating. He knew it was pointless to argue with him; Eren was too far gone, he knew it. “Not damn near good enough.”
“I know.” Eren’s reply was monotone; rehearsed. This emotionless, hollow man was not the boy he had known.
“Where did you go?” Levi demanded. “Where did my boy go?” He’d been wanting to ask for so long, since that day on the airship when he’d looked into Eren’s face and seen nothing but emptiness reflected in those jade-green eyes.
“I made my choice,” Eren finally replied. “If I had to kill your boy to do it, so be it.”
Levi wanted to run him through. Of course. It was Levi who had taught the boy to think for himself, to make his own way.
Maybe if he had guided the boy toward a different path… maybe if he hadn’t allowed Eren to pull away…
“You set out to kill monsters, Eren,” growled Levi, fits clenching at his sides. “And here you are. The biggest, baddest monster the world has ever known. Unrepentant.”
Instead of fighting back, Eren just looked tired.
“I am. The biggest monster, I mean.” God, his eyes… “I didn’t set out to be a hero. I just wanted to protect you guys.”
“And what a brilliant job you’ve done.”
And then Eren did something Levi never would have seen coming. He laughed. It was watery and weak, but it was purely Eren.
“I- I tried, Captain.”
I tried, Dad.
It went unsaid, but the layers had begun to peel away, and beneath the emotionless facade, Levi can just barely make out his kid. It was like looking at someone through a frosted window.
“We know you tried, brat. Doesn’t change what you’ve done. When I wake up, most of the people on earth will be dead at your hands. And that includes you, Eren.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t know. Have you forgotten Hange so quickly? Genocide is wrong. You could have listened to them, granted them the grace of ensuring that their sacrifice meant something.”
“I didn’t want Hange to die.” Eren’s brow is furrowed, and for a second, Levi swore he could see quicksilver tears welling in his eyes.
Once, Eren had been the boy with an ocean of tears to cry. Emotional Eren, that was what they called him.
“But they died anyway. And Sasha. And Erwin. Petra, Gunther, Eld-”
“I didn’t know then!”
Levi was shell-shocked for just a moment. Eren had finally raised his voice at him.
Levi sighed. He knew it was foolish to blame Eren for everything, but it was so easy. And he was so tired.
“I- I really tried. I tried to change the future. I thought I could do it. But for four years I saw you all die again and again, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop it.”
Eren was finally talking. It was about time, Levi thought.
“I’m just not good like you, Captain,” Eren murmured. Levi hadn’t expected that- really hadn’t expected that. “I tried so hard, but- just. The outside world, they hate us. They’re powered by this hatred that’s never gonna die. And shit, I just wanted to be selfish for once in my life. I thought maybe I would be allowed to be happy.”
Eren swallowed hard; the tears were falling freely now. “That was naive,” he continued. “I finally realized…”
“Realized what?” Eren didn’t reply. “Realized what, brat?” Levi prompted.
Eren’s reply was barely a whisper. “That I’m not free. The only way I can ensure that the people I love live long lives free of the titans and free of the world is to give up everything. My humanity. My life.”
Fuck. Fuck.
Tears blurred Levi’s vision.
Eren’s decision was indisputably the wrong call, Hange had been right. But Levi couldn’t for certain say that he’d make a different call if he was in Eren’s shoes.
From the sidelines, they could play diplomat and pretend to be better than they were. But Eren had been ripped from his home as a boy. Everything he had ever loved had been stolen from him, and fuck… he was still just a child.
Mikasa had been right, Levi realized dimly. Eren didn’t change. They had misconstrued his motivations; the others thought he had been powered by ruthlessness, revenge, even hatred for Marley and the outside world.
They had all been wrong.
He was motivated by love. He was a boy who sought freedom.
“It’s almost time,” said Eren, casting his eyes heavenward. The breeze outside had picked up, the skies roaring outside the windows.
Levi’s breath hitched.
“When I wake up,” he began, breathing through tears, “You’ll be gone. Everything… everything will be over.”
“The power of the titans will die with me,” Eren confirmed. “But… you know, Captain? Commander Pyxis once told me something. He said, as long as humanity endures, the cycle of war and loss will never end. Hate never goes away. But… neither does love.”
Sentimental brat. He had been in there all along, Levi realized, cursing himself for the sob that threatened to escape him.
“Brat… Eren,” he amended. He already felt himself slipping away. “I love you, son.”
Eren’s eyes gleamed, and for just a moment, Levi swore that he was standing there, fifteen and full of hope.
“I love you too, Dad.”
He was gone with a whisper of wind, and Levi awoke with tears falling like rain onto the hallowed ground beneath.