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"shartys like a melody in my head" says Diluc as he walks nakedly, balls swinging into Mondstadt. The sheer force of his massive testicles cause shockwaves through the entirety of the middle of the town, the vendors and townsfolk alike being taken off guard. He takes a stroll through town, the force of his ginormous man nads causing elemental reactions as he walks past the fountain. Everyone grabs on to something to steady themselves as this force of nature throws the whole of Mondstadt off guard. Even the Knights of Favonius don't know what to do - they just accept Diluc and his scrungly and hope it stops soon.
He soon realizes that the townsfolk are looking at him with sheer terror. He is embarrassed and runs off to Angel's share, promptly grabbing his ball retainers so the earthquakes will stop. Once his balls are secured, he lies down and cries himself to sleep, realizing he will never be normal because of his massive taint and avocados. His ass claps as he farts in his sleep, causing the entire town to smell of Diluc's flatulence. He needs to stop eating so many sweet flowers.
The next morning he wakes up, sighs, looks in the mirror, and checks his balls to make sure they are good and secure. He twerks and realizes the earthquakes have stopped. The bartender sees this while walking past and says "damn daddy Diluc you're caked up homeboy let me get a taste of that." Diluc slaps him.
"Do not comment on the roundness of my buttsticles. Leave me be." Diluc says Dilucily. The bartender cries and pisses himself on the way out. Diluc locks the door to his room so there will be no more interruptions. He allows his balls out of their cage and gets out his ball shaver 5000. Before he begins, he wraps his extra long fiveskin around his shaft and ties it into a knot, to make doubly sure it does not get in the way of his manscaping. He begins trimming through the bright red forest, revealing a beautiful peach colored skrunkle below. He then unloads an entire load of lotion onto his massive sack, rubbing it in and making sure it is good and soft, before putting them away. He then unties his foreskin and it slaps against his thigh, making the most awful squshing sound you have ever heard.
"Ah shit, I forgot to unpack my skittles from that thing" Diluc says, as he empties the skittles from his foreskin onto the table next to him. He smells one and gags - he must have forgotten them in there for two or three days. "At least this will make an extra strong drink down in Angel's Share" he mumbles to himself.
He looks at the pile of pubes still on the table next to his skittles and throws the hair out the window. Donna is waiting below and gathers it up and runs off to Good Hunter. She hands the hair to Sara to be seasoned and cooked into some bread for her, so she can allow Diluc into her intestines. Diluc grimaces, wondering how they can even stand to eat his pubes. He vomits and Donna collects that as well. "Diluc I love you daddy please just one lick" yells up Donna. Diluc shits on her forehead from above. "HOLE IN ONE" yells the townsfolk.
He gets dressed in his best 80s outfit and goes downstairs, wondering what the day will bring. He looks in the mirror and realizes he has a slight hard-on. "Down boy, bad doggie" he mumbles. His penis pulsates because of his dirty words. His nipples are hard and he is ready for the day.
He goes down the stairs, taking his stinky foreskin skittles with him. He puts them with the other ingredients such as his dried semen, ball cheese, and lean. "We have a good stock of ingredients for the drinks tonight" says Diluc to himself "I sure hope plenty of horn- hungry and thirsty patrons come through the door." Diluc twerks again behind the counter, part of his morning stretches for his sore back. His ass claps activate the lights, as he has clap sensor lighting installed in the tavern.
Some time passes and Diluc opens the tavern. Patrons start swarming in, some there for drinks, some there to even try and catch a glance at Diluc's overwhelming veiny testicles, jiggling around in his pants like tiny moons. He busts a nut on accident from the sheer amount of attention he was getting, all through his pants and dripping out onto the floor. "Oopsie Daisies" he says, feeling his cum harden against his legs. "More stock for the dried cum nuggets I guess." While he finishes cleaning the massive amount of dried cum from all over his body and the floor, out of the corner of his eye he sees a particularly thirsty brand new ginger patron come through the door. He blushes; he cannot believe he let a new customer see him covered in his dried man milk.
“TAR TARTAGLIA LOVER OF SNEZHNAYAN QUEEN” sang Childe, strolling into Angel’s Share to get white boy wasted. He gave his signature fuckboy lipbite to six fingered Jose as he walked in before sitting at the bar, manspreading into an almost split to assert dominance.
Childe ordered a few beers, chugging them down quickly with no sign of drunkenness. He notices behind the counter that Diluc keeps a stockpile of Lean. "LEAN I LOVE LEAN BRING ME LEAN" shrieks Childe, as the air turns purple around him. He downs the Lean quicker than he guzzled cum in his 2007 cum guzzling championship, which he won.
Diluc was reminded of Mr. Krab’s iconic words “money, money, money, money.” He was so absorbed in his greediness that he didn’t notice Childe staring into him, as if he was trying to burn a hole in Diluc’s pockets to get the money he spent back. In doing so, he noticed a particularly large bulge in his pants.
“Hey Zaddy,” Childe started, putting on his best fratboy lipbite and smoulder combo, “were those earthquakes yesterday or just your thicc ass?”
Diluc jumped, now noticing Childe, and his cheeks burned of embarrassment. He quickly gave Childe his bill to pay, and then, once he had paid it, dragged him outside behind the bar.
Childe was ecstatic. His line was brand new so he wasn’t sure how well it would be taken, but all he could focus on was Diluc’s bubble butt as he dragged Childe to the alleyway. Childe drooled as he thought about how much fun he’s gonna have tonight.
“How did you know that was me,” Diluc hisses, unaware that his massive balls were such a rumor starter in Mondstadt, let alone that this outlander knew.
“Oh shit for real?” Childe’s eyes didn’t leave Diluc’s huge bulge, stained from cumming earlier. Childe knew they reeked and he wanted a whiff. “Shit baby, lemme see em then. C’mon, lemme have a peek.”
Childe quickly pinned Diluc to the tavern’s outside wall, hungry to see the most massive balls he would ever see in his life. Diluc, ashamed at being powerless in the moment, accepted his fate and quickly pulled his pants down, letting his huge hard on flop out and his coconut sized balls hang down.
Childe’s jaw dropped at the sight of these Gods given balls and cock. Never before had he seen such large assets. He was losing his mind before he even touched them. "Diluc zaddy please have my babies" Childe exclaims as he spits on Diluc's balls to lube them up. While his head was down there, he took a huge sniff, inhaling the vile stink of Diluc’s musky balls.
“Pheewwwwwww,” Childe exhaled, “these bitches REEK! I like that in a man.” Diluc flushes further, his face turning even closer to his natural red hair. “Shiiitt lemme teach you Mondstadt whores a few things about sex…”
Childe quickly whipped out his own thick cock, hard from whiffing Diluc’s stank ass balls earlier. Lining up his and Diluc’s tip to tip, he slowly pulled back both penises’ foreskins, revealing their stank dickcheese underneath. Childe nearly fainted from the stink, but his hard on needed him to see it through.
“Alright baby watch this.” Childe slowly and carefully pulled his own foreskin over his head and Diluc’s, a tight fit over the latter’s larger cock. Diluc gasped and had to bite his lip to keep from making a scene, the tightness of Childe’s foreskin already making him crazy. Childe, smirking from Diluc’s virgin reaction, slowly began to do the same with Diluc’s foreskin, pulling it over Diluc’s head and the entire length of Childe’s cock, further trapping the tips. Diluc let out a long moan, going crazy just from the tightness and the rank ass dick cheese stank.
“Is… is that all?” Diluc heaved a few moments later.
“Cheer up slut, comrade Childe is here to keep a smile on your face and your balls drained.” Diluc swooned.
Childe hacked up half a lung to get some spit and mucus on his hand before stroking their conjoined dicks. The added bumps from the mucus reminded Diluc of his dick cheese and he moaned, bucking his dick into Childe’s hand and bumping tips with Childe. Childe groaned from the pain of their tips colliding, and started pumping with two hands.
Diluc started to cry from the overwhelming pleasure, nutting onto Childe’s trapped dick. The heat from Diluc’s nasty cum mixing with their dick cheese made Childe go feral. He ripped both their foreskins off their entrapped dicks and immediately started slurping up Diluc’s stank dick excretions.
Due to Diluc’s massive, earth quaking balls, he continued to cum, shrieking the entire time, for a total of 30 full minutes. Tears streamed down his face as his screams alerted the entire city, which came to watch as Childe attempted to fit the endowed member in his mouth. Donna fainted at the sight of Diluc’s blowjob-ginity being taken by some quirked up white boy with a little bit of swag, busted down sexual style. Was he goated with the sauce? Rumors began to spread around this issue as the entire town came to watch. People began selling popcorn to watch as Diluc’s inflated balls slowly dumped their load into Childe’s greedy mouth. Some gasped in horror, others started jacking it, and there were those who simply were intrigued.
Once Diluc finished and sunk to the floor, weeping much more quietly, the townsfolk cheered. Childe had been triumphant, swallowing the entire load in one go. For his reward, he jacked off his neglected dick and quickly came sticky, disgusting cum onto Diluc’s face, reeking from his unhealthy diet. He slaps his dick profusely off of Diluc's cheeks and forehead, rubbing the battery-acid-like cum all over his face. Diluc's face turns red from the sheer force of Childe's cock slapping him and he screams out and cries in pain. Childe does one last slap across Diluc's cheek, causing him to fall over and writhe, tears screaming down his cheeks, in pain. Satisfied, Childe put away his softening dick and went on his merry way, leaving Diluc to clean up the mess his giant cock had caused.
Diluc sobs on the ground, rolling around and sucking his thumb in the pool of cum. The cum is so disgusting it feels like it is burning his skin. This makes him cry even harder. Childe walks back up to him masturbating, blows one last load on him to really seal the deal, and walks away singing "CPR" By Cupcakke, the Maroon 5 and Reeses Puffs remix. "I SAVE DICK BY GIVING IT CPR" Childe screams "TIGHT AS A VIRGIN BOY DON'T GET NERVOUS." Diluc can hear his crude singing get further and further away as Childe runs off.