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Blackbeard was smoking in Sted- his room when he heard the news.
« There’s a big ship coming our way, boss. And they hoisted the white flag. » Izzy declared, entering his quarters.
It had been a few months since Blackbeard…found himself again. A new ship, a new flag and a semi-new crew in his possesion, he was now more feared than ever. Which meant raiding ships had never been so boring. People would immediatly surrender, too afraid to attempt anything. There wasn’t much for Blackbeard to do, even showing up was not really a necessity at this point. Most days he would just stay in Sted- in his room, drinking or smoking (or both) and wait for his men to finish the job. He would then go out on deck to see if any prisoners could be put to use on his crew. If not then they were to be executed, simple as that. That was the new routine for Blackbeard now.
Blackbeard sighed as he turned his head towards his first mate.
« The white flag already? Fucking cowards. »
« Yes. We’re doing the us’? Raid the ship, take the crew as prisoners?»
Blackbeard took the time to inhale more smoke from his pipe before declaring nonchalantly :
« Mmh yeah I suppose. ».
What else was there to be done anyway?
Izzy still felt the need ask every single time because he had to show he knew his place. But it’s not like Blackbeard would come up with a new outcome everytime. So the us’ it was. Fucking boring.
When Izzy left, Blackbeard resumed his smoking as he stared at the lighthouse painting hanging on the wall.
What happened next though was enough to shake Blackbeard out of his numbness.
As he exited his cabin to check the spoils of the raid and examine his new prisoners, he came face to face with quite too familiar figures lining up on his ship.
And that’s when he saw him.
Oh it was him alright. He wasn’t wearing any extravagant coat, his hair were dishevelled, his chin was showing the first subtles of a growing beard and his collar was more revealing than usual, but it was him.
Fucking Stede Bonnet.
As soon as he spotted Blackbeard, Stede’s whole face lightened up.
« Ed, it’s me, I found you! » he exclaimed.
His hands were bound behind his back but still he somehow tried to wave.
Stede Bonnet. Stede fucking Bonnet. Fucking Stede fucking Bonnet dared show his face here again.
As Blackbeard quickly made his way towards him, Stede’s expression suddenly turned from lightened to frightened. Perphaps it was due to Blackbeard’s rapid stride combined with his dangerous murderous glare, or perphaps it was simply the enraged face spattered with black khol that scared Stede. Blackbeard didn’t care either way. He waited till he faced the man properly before declaring :
« Ed is dead. You’ve killed him. Only Blackbeard remains now. »
He then turned to Izzy :
« Take these idiots to the main cell. But leave Bonnet to me. »
Izzy promptly nodded with a knife-like smile.
« Gladly ».
Stede looked properly horrified now. Blackbeard cut Stede’s bounds loose in one motion with his dagger. He then took two swords from the pile of weapons that Ivan and Fang had removed from the prisoners earlier. He threw one blade at Stede’s feet, while keeping the other one for himself.
« I won’t fight you Ed. I just want to talk. » Stede uttered, but still bent down to retrieve the sword quite reluctantly.
« I told you, there’s no Ed anymore ».
Blackbeard threw himself at Stede without any warning. Stede had no choice but to engage in combat. During the time they’ve been apart, Stede had definitely improved his swordplay as Blackbeard couldn’t help noticing. Although he never tried to attack, Steve defended himself quite well, blocking each thrust with a newfound confidence. But that was the problem, he never attacked.
« Fight for fuck sake!» Blackbeard shouted angrily as he lunged himself towards Stede more fiercely.
« I’m not here to fight, so get it out of your system so we can talk after like proper gentlemen. » Stede replied, counter-attacking Blackbeard’s blows.
« Good thing I’m no gentleman then. »
For a few minutes they went back and forth. On one hand Blackbeard enjoyed having the opportunity to actually fight for once and so he humoured himself, testing Stede’s new skills. But Stede passive fighting was becoming really unnerving.
So after another minute went by, Blackbeard decided it had been going for long enough. In a matter of seconds, he disarmed Stede, threw his opponant’s sword out of the way, and pined him to the mat. Uh, it actually was the same mat where Izzy had stabbed Stede, in what feels like a lifetime ago. How fitting.
Blackbeard raised his blade to strike the final blow.
« Any last words? » he asked.
Stede looked at him with no fear in his eyes this time. It was as if… looking at Blackbeard was all he could have ever wanted out of life. His eyes were both sad and adoring at the same time. Pleading and resigned. Acceptive and hopeful. Why-
« I love you, Edward. » Stede replied.
Blackbeard stopped, his dagger still mid-air.
This man had ruined him. He hurt him like no one had before. He left him. He killed him. Blackbeard couldn’t believe Stede’s audacity. Showing his face here again after months, calling him Ed like nothing ever happened, saying he loved him? Well, he had guts, Blackbeard gave him that. But now it was time Stede faced his fate.
Blackbeard had wanted this for so long. Just one strike and Stede Bonnet was officially out of this world for good. How he had thought of this, the countless ways he would kill him, the relief he would feel afterwards, knowing no one had any power over him anymore.
Stede was still looking at him, not flinching.
« I love you » he repeated softly, almost a whisper.
With a grunt, Blackbeard lowered his dagger and shoved Stede violently to the side.
« Take him away » he ordered Ivan in a low voice.
« But don’t throw him with the others. Put him in a seperate cell. I want him to see what being alone and abandonned feels like » he added.
As Stede was being led to the lower deck, he cast a last pleading glance at Blackbeard. But Blackbeard only kept his gaze down. This was more than mercy already.
..........................................................................
Izzy wasn’t thrilled by the idea of Fucking Stede Bonnet being on this fucking ship, still very much fucking alive. But at least Edward never mentioned him. The days went by like his coming back never happened. It was almost easy to ignore. Except Ivan had to go down feed the prisoners twice a day and the food rations were decreasing at an alarming rate.
« Captain, we are running out of food » Izzy declared to his boss, who was looking out on the main deck.
Bonnet’s presence was almost easy to ignore yes, except that Edward seemed even more aloof than usual now. Always gazing out, his mind completly elsewhere, not talking much.
« Captain. » Izzy called, trying to get his attention.
« Yes, yes. The fucking food. Already? » Edward replied, not even bothering turning his head towards him, his eyes still fixed on the horizon.
« Well yes, it seems like feeding half a dozen more people has a tendancy to affect the food supplies. »
Izzy didn’t have time to add anything more, because Edward’s hands were already on his neck, chocking him. Good. He still showed signs of alertness and vivacity after all.
« Don’t get cocky with me Izzy, otherwise i might move on from the toes to the tongue next time.» Edward chastified.
« My apologies Captain » Izzy tried to articulate.
Edward released him.
« I just don’t understand why we’re keeping them here. They’re just a burden at this point and an expensive one. » Izzy tried again.
He just needed to know if Edward had a plan. When it came to Stede Bonnet, he knew his boss wasn’t always thinking straight. And keeping prisoners locked down for days without any purpose didn’t seem very reasonable. Of course, these were not mere prisoners, this was Bonnet and his crew. That was what worried Izzy.
« Because I said so. Isn’t that reason enough for you ? » Edward looked at him with a threatening glare once more.
« Of course Captain. I’ll just…sort this out then. »
Fuck, he needed to act. Or Blackbeard might lose himself once again, and god helped them all then.
..........................................................................
Stede was getting more desperate as the days went by. Every time Ivan came down to bring him food, he asked if he could speak to Ed. He had no idea whether Ivan truly was relying his request, but that didn’t prevent him from asking.
At least he wasn’t as alone as Ed had wanted him to be. He had Lucius to talk to, his voice coming out of the walls.
Lucius had quickly got him up to speed with what happened during the time he was absent. He learned all about how Ed had thrown Lucius overboard and how the poor boy had managed to survive, grabbing onto the ship barnacles (« a good thing i didn’t clean them when i was told to am i right ? »), how he had hoisted himself into the ship again, hiding in Stede’s secrets passages (« thanks for that by the way, now i’m back in the closet if you know what i mean »). The whole tale had contained quite a lot of creative and graphic insults towards Ed, something Stede couldn’t blame Lucius for.
He also learned what happened to his crew, how only Jim and Frenchie were kept on the ship and how they were both strictly forbidden to visit the prisoners. According to Lucius, that didn’t prevent Jim from sneaking in and bringing Olu extra food from time to time.
Stede felt terrible and powerless. What did he expect, coming back like that? He should have learned from going back home that once you left, you just didn’t fit in anymore. People moved on and life went on. And yet… Ed needed to know. He needed to know that Stede felt the same, that he loved him, that he didn’t left him that night because he didn’t reciprocate his feelings.
« I failed you Lucius, I failed all of you. I’m so sorry. It seems it’s all I can say these days. » whined Stede to the wall. « God I really screwed up. »
« Yeah well, his reaction to being stood up was a bit dramatic don’t you think ? I mean I’ve been there. And I didn’t try to kill my friends for it. » the wall answered.
« I can’t believe he would do something like this…If I could just talk to him you know! All of it is just a big misunderstanding. »
« Understatement of the year… » Lucius’ sarcasm could be heard through the wall. Stede was pretty sure he rolled his eyes while saying it.
If only he could talk to Ed yes. If only Ed was willing to listen. He was sure they could fix this. After all, love was supposed to be the stronger force of them all, wasn’t it?
« I need to get his attention…I need… I need a plan. »
Stede was lost in thoughts for a while.
..........................................................................
The next day, Blackbeard’s crew raided another ship, mainly to get more food this time. Once again, Blackbeard’s present wasn’t necessarily required on the raid, but he went on anyway. He needed to blow off some steam and get out of the Revenge for a while.
After the deed, the crew gathered all the spoils of that successful morning on the deck in order to sort them out. As they were working their way around all the barrels and bottles and whatnot, a particular pot caught Blackbeard’s eye. He had seen that label before. Many times even. He didn’t even need to open it to know it was marmelade. Without a word, he went back to his quarters and drank the day away.
When Blackbeard woke up, it was with a massive hangover. His head was throbbing and he felt the urgent need to claw out his own eyeballs. As he sat up and rubbed his temples, he was faced once again with that fucking lighthouse painting.
Izzy was right, what was the point of keeping them all down below? Truth is, he had considered putting them all to work, Blackbeard’s crew could definitely use some extra hands. But he couldn’t bear looking at any of them. Not after Stede, and not after what he did. And what of Stede himself? That was the second time Blackbeard had failed to kill him. This was torture, knowing he was so close, just a flight of stairs away. How he had wished Stede would appear at first, back when he was still Ed, crying in his pillow fort. How many times had he imagine his reunion with Stede. They would kiss, maybe more, and all would be well. But that was before the kraken. Now there was no room for Stede anymore, as there was no room for Ed. A decision had to be made. And so for the first time, Blackbeard made his way down toward Stede’s cell.
Stede was on his feet the second he saw him enter the room.
« Ed, finally, I’ve been asking to talk to you for days now! »
« Don’t call me Ed. And I’m not here to talk. I just want to inform you that the moment we reach the nearest port I will dump you and your mates and we will never cross paths again. Call this mercy in honor of the.. past we had shared. »
Having said what needed to be said, Blackbeard headed back towards the stairs when Stede called after him.
« I meant it Ed. I do love you. I just needed to figure that out, I’ve never really felt those things before you know. It was nothing like that with Mary. I just wasn’t sure then but I do know now. I love you. I love you more anything on this earth. I love you more than words could express. I- »
Blackbeard flinched and turned back to Stede.
« Then why did you leave me? » he cried, gripping the cell bars.
« I’m sorry, I am so sorry. I wanted to come, I did, but then -»
« Fuck this, i don’t even want to hear it. You get off my ship soon and then I never want to hear from you again. »
Stede had this same look in his eyes again. He put a tentative hand on Blackbeard’s face to cup his cheek but Blackbeard shoved it right away. Your fucking pretty face won’t help you this time, he thought.
« Don’t do this, Ed » Stede pleaded.
« I told you, there is no Ed anymore. Only Blackbeard » he reminded him.
« Then why am I still alive? »
That.
That was a pretty good point. Why was he?
Because Blackbeard couldn’t bear it if Stede Bonnet wasn’t on this earth. Sure, he never wanted to see him again, but killing him was a line he could never cross apparently. And he hated himself for it. Blackbeard didn’t answer, only turned to leave. Fuck this shit.
Stede called behind his back :
« Ed, listen, I know I screwed up, I'm sorry but we can still fix this! ».
Stede had already killed him once, when he left him at the docks. So why did it feel like Blackbeard was dying for a second time?
He sighed as he climbed the stairs :
« There’s nothing left to fix Stede. Goodbye. »
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Izzy, having determined that they were to reach land within a week, was looking forward to inform Edward of the good news. They were finally going to get rid of the fucking idiot and his fucking crew. But knowing Bonnet, he was not going to give up so easily. Even after dumping them, the twat might acquire a new boat somehow and make his way back to the Revenge. If only he could kill him. If only Edward would let him.
How could a fucking useless twat like that have seduced the most fearsome pirate of the seven seas? Izzy could only wonder. Edward had only known Bonnet for a few weeks when he gave up his life of piracy for him. That was something Izzy still had trouble getting his head wrapped around. It was not jealousy he was feeling, god no, but something more along the lines of.. Betrayal. Yes. Edward had betrayed him, he had betrayed their bond and their history. Izzy had been nothing but loyal to him his whole life.
Edward could either act like a fucking twelve-year old child who ran away from home for the first time, or like the most horrific monster that no ghost story could give justice to. Yet Izzy had stayed and learned to deal with it. All of it. All of Edward. He suffered through each of Edward’s moods, whimps, and follies. Because Edward was not an easy man to live with, nor was he easy to understand. He was complex and complicated and layered and troubled and…magnificient. But Bonnet could never see that. Because Edward was never himself with him, always conjuring gentleman-like manners, always on his best behavior.
Would Bonnet still love him, if he knew every part of Edward? The Edward that liked to carve people’s eyeballs with his knife just because they had looked at him funny on the street. The Edward that would leave dozens of people to burn alive because he wanted to make an impression on his new pal. The Edward that made people eat their own toes because he thought it was fun.
Yeah, Edward was not the golden angel Bonnet wanted him to be. Nor will he ever be. Some men are born to be legends. Edward became Blackbeard because he was destined to. Nobody else could have done it. Bonnet couldn’t possibly understand something like that. But Izzy could. He understood Edward far better than anyone, knew him better than anyone.
His soul belonged to him. Sure Edward might be attracted to every shiny new things that came his way, and for now his fixation was on the so-called Gentleman Pirate, but him and Izzy shared a bond that was forged through tragedy, violence and blood. They were linked for life. Hell, his own name was tattooed on Edward’s arm wasn’t it (well at least, that’s what the hangman's letters ought to spell).
Edward needed to be freed. And that meant Bonnet needed to be dealt with.
..........................................................................
Curled up on his bed, head in hands, Blackbeard was sobbing audibly and thus didn’t hear Izzy crossed the room. He only noticed when he saw the man sat down right next to him.
« Edward? » Izzy asked, uncharacteristically softly.
Blackbeard was caught unaware. Fuck, Izzy was not supposed to see him like this, no one was. Shit shit shit. Usually, when experiencing those.. emotional outbursts, Blackbeard was sure to lock the door. Or go to the bathroom. But generally he just cried at night. Fucking Stede, still playing with his mind.
« Fuck off, I don’t want to hear it » Blackbeard grunted as he dried his tears.
It was too late now, he knew Izzy saw him. But still, he tried to regain his composure.
« This is about Bonnet isn’t it? » Izzy asked, with the usual venom in his voice whenever Stede was involved.
« Just go Izzy » Blackbeard answered in a weary voice. « I’m in no mood for it today ».
He didn’t need to heard Izzy’s rant again. He knew it all already. Bonnet was an idiot, but Blackbeard was even more so for crying like a little girl on his behalf. This was no pirate’s behavior, this was disgraceful, shameful, pitiful-
« Is there anything I can do Captain ? » Izzy only questioned.
That was a surprise. A nice one. And Blackbeard felt like crying again.
Shit. He didn’t need nice right now, otherwise the kraken might soften for a moment and Ed might burst out again. Why was Izzy being nice? Was that some reverse psychology shit?
« We are to reach land within a week now. » Izzy informed him.
« Good. Then we’ll never hear from him again » confirmed Blackbeard.
This is what I want, he reminded himself. This is what’s best.
« I could just have done it for you, you know, I mean I still could. I’d make it quick and painless, a bullet to the- ».
« I know, Izzy, I know. » Blackbeard interrupted, because it was true. He knew Izzy would gladly kill Stede for him, or any man for that matter.
He just had to say the world and Izzy would get his hands dirty for him. Such loyalty and dedication, and for what? A pathetic shell of a man, trying to act his Blackbeard part. In truth, he felt like a ghost wearing a mask. He was an empty suit, a puppet with no puppeteer. But even so, he knew Izzy was here for him, in his own way.
« You’ve always been so loyal to me. » he said. « Except maybe when you sold us out to the English. » he added, with a hint of humor in his voice.
« Well I did send Calico Jack to get you out of here didn’t I. And when you got caught, I offered for you to serve me instead of the crown. So if anything you’re the one who wasn’t loyal Edward. » Izzy replied in a much more serious tone.
« Yeah, maybe... And look how that worked out for me eh ? » Blackbeard offered him a grim smile.
« The most fearsome pirate in history… I’d say not that bad » Izzy answered, a much more sincere smile forming on his lips.
Blackbeard placed a hand on his shoulder.
« Couldn’t have done this without my first mate. Thank you Izzy ».
God, that was it. That wasn’t the kraken talking, neither was it Blackbeard. It was Ed, pure and simple. A simple interaction with Stede and Ed was beginning to free himself in public. Fuck he had been so careful this far, so detached from himself. Izzy was going to hate him for it. He was prepared for the disgusted look on his face, for his shame, his repulsion, his-
He didn’t even have time to react as Izzy’s mouth crashed on his.
Izzy’s lips.
On his own.
What.
The.
Hell.
« What the fuck do you think you’re doing? »
Blackbeard spat, a mix of shock and anger in his voice as he shoved the man away. He had never seen Izzy look so utterly lost.
« I don’t know. I thought- I mean- » Izzy tried to defend himself.
He was panicking.
Blackbeard could tell Izzy regretted it.
But why- why-
Then it hit him.
« Oh my god, that’s what this is about isn’t it? All this time… I thought you hated him because I was less the Blackbeard you wanted when I was with him but that wasn’t it was it? All this time, you… You… You were fucking jealous! »
Blackbeard couldn’t even believe what he was saying. What a crazy week it had been.
« You’re reading way too much into this, I was just trying to help you get over him, that’s all that was Edward. I thought you needed some comfort, I just misread the situation-» Izzy was trying to play it casually, like it meant nothing more than a hand on a shoulder.
But Blackbeard wasn’t listening anymore.
« Fuck, how come I have not seen it before. It all makes sense now. It’s your jealous ass that-»
« Oh fuck it. You know what ? Yes. I fucking hate his guts for making you this pathetic excuse of a man. For driving you away from me, ME who has always been there, to clean your mess, to keep your reputation in check, to get my hands dirty. So yes, excuse me, EDWARD, for not welcoming that fucking twat who thinks he can be a pirate. And weren’t I right ? Cause in case you’ve forgotten, that idiot left your ass. And who was there when you were a fucking mess sobbing into your pillow ? ME. I kept the crew busy, I covered for you and then I managed to bring Blackbeard back. And that donkey comes back, and YOU SPARE HIS LIFE? Yeah, sorry it doesn’t sit right with me. » Izzy exploded.
«You’re done ? » Blackbeard asked, deadpan.
Izzy didn’t answer, still panting from his speech.
« Good. Then fuck off ».
Izzy didn’t appear to move, simply stared at Ed in disbelief.
« I’m not going to repeat myself Izzy. Unless you think you can spare your foot another toe. Fuck. Off ».
If Blackbeard’s voice was rather calm on the surface, his glance was threatening enough for Izzy to go.
..........................................................................
Three days had gone by since the…Izzy incident. Both of them were happy pretending it never happened. Life was back to normal… On the surface. Because Blackbeard wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Izzy having feelings for him was a hard pill to swallow. He should have known. God, there had been so many signs hadn’t it. The little glances, that suffocative possessiveness, his never-failing loyalty... He was an idiot to have missed it. But even if he could have guessed his true feelings for him, Blackbeard could never have seen this kiss coming. Especially after Izzy had seen him so vulnerable. He thought all Izzy cared about was his facade, Blackbeard the Legendary Pirate… Maybe it was more complicated than that. At least that reveal about Izzy kept his mind busy from thinking about Stede.
That was until Ivan knocked on his door and declared hastily :
« Captain, I’m sorry but I thought you’d like to know ».
« What is it? » Blackbeard asked quickly, relieved by the distraction.
« It’s about Ste- um Bonnet, sir. He hasn’t eaten in three days. »
« What? But aren’t you the one supposed to feed him? » Blackbeard inquired, clearly confused.
« I am, and I do bring him food, but he just doesn’t eat it. I think he’s on a hunger strike. I thought I’d tell you this cause he doesn’t look so good today. »
« The fucking -». Ed shoved Ivan asides and made his way to Stede’s cell before even finishing his sentence.
..........................................................................
« The fucking ASSHOLE! »
Ivan had just told Izzy about Stede so-called hunger strike.
« He can’t even let me have the pleasure of letting me kill him myself can he?»
« Wait, were you really going to kill him? » Fang asked genuinely.
« It’s still not too late » added Ivan.
« You’re right, he’s not dead yet. » Izzy agreed.
« Um, scuse me for asking, but why do you want him dead exactly? » Fang inquired.
« Because that pathetic man brings us nothing but fucking trouble! In case you haven’t noticed you twat, he’s eating away all of our food and tormenting Blackbeard by his mere present on this ship! »
« Well not anymore » declared Ivan.
« What do you mean? » Izzy asked.
« He’s not eating away all of our food anymore. Since you know. Hunger strike and all that. »
Izzy’s dagger was on Ivan’s neck a second later.
« Don’t fucking play with my words. You know very well what I meant. He’s a parasite that needs to get ridden of. And since Blackbeard doesn’t seem so keen on doing it then someone else must. »
« Yeah cause that worked out so well for you last time. »
It was Fang’s time to face Izzy’s wraith, having his beard pulled violently towards the man’s face.
« Last time was pure luck on his part. This time I promise you he won’t get so lucky. »
« Unless he starves himself first. »
« Yes, well he better starve soon otherwise I’m coming for him. »
« Okay but like won’t Captain get angry with you? I mean, they’re sort of boyfriends right? » Ivan asked while Fang hummed in agreement.
Izzy rolled his eyes.
« Blackbeard doesn’t need to know it was me. He will blame Bonnet’s stupid hunger strike. »
Fang and Ivan didn’t quite know how to respond. Acting behind the Captain’s back wasn’t something they approved of, especially because they knew what the consequences could be. They had witnessed those themselves. A cut hand or a cut tongue was the best outcome possible for those who crossed Blackbeard. He was capable of inventing much more cruel punishments when he wanted to. But at the same, wasn’t Izzy right? There was no point in keeping him down here, it was obvious the Captain wanted him dead but couldn’t bring himself to.
« But what about the others? » Fang asked.
« Oh once Bonnet is gone, I’m sure Blackbeard will finally deal with them one way or another. »
Now that Lucius was gone, Fang didn’t really care about the rest of the crew anyway.
« Yeah okay let’s do this. »
Izzy nodded.
« Ivan? » he asked.
« I don’t know man, I mean, isn’t that treason? Doing this behind his back? »
« You all saw how he acted when he came back from the privateering academy didn’t you? Bonnet ruined him once, and is threatening to do it again if we don’t do something. »
« Yeah and besides, he might just die before we have to take matters into our own hands. » Fang reminded them once more.
As if Izzy was ever going to wait for that.
« Okay » Ivan finally agreed.
Good. Bonnet would soon be out of their lives for good.
Yes, he had been stupid and reckless that day when he kissed Edward. For decades, he had managed to keep his feelings in check, never overstep, never let anything show… And in one tiny moment of impulsivity, he threw it all away. The carefully constructed facade of just a loyal and dedicated first mate, gone in a blink of an eye. And for what. Yes it had felt good to experience Edward’s lips on his own. It had felt natural even, like it was always meant to be. But it wasn’t. Izzy had always known it. That’s why he had never tried anything. Not that he didn’t have his chance back in the days, where a drunk Edward would fuck any man willing to. But Izzy was not a casual fuck nor was he a friend or a lover. Their bound was beyond those words, and far more important. And he would forever blame himself for compromising that, acting so recklessly that day.
He was not Edward’s heart, he never had been and never will be. But he was Edward’s hands. That’s why he chose that name, Israel Hands. Because his hands always have been Edward’s. Izzy had always been there to get his hands dirty when Edward wouldn’t.
And this time, he didn’t need Edward to ask him to finish the job for him, he was going to kill Bonnet.
..........................................................................
Stede was tired.
He was resting his head on the wall, eyes closed. In this state between sleep and reality, he was at the beach again. Ed was kissing him, and this time when they pulled apart, Stede told him that he loved him and that he would go to the end of the world for him. And in that dream, Ed answered…
« The fuck you think you’re doing ».
At the sound of Ed’s very much real voice, Stede opened his eyes.
« Ed!» he exclaimed, as he slowly made his way towards the cell bars, relying on the wall for support.
Had the ship always swayed that much? Was the room spinning? He had to close his eyes for a second.
« Don’t call me Ed. Ivan says you haven’t been eating. So my question is simple, what the fuck do you think you’re doing. » Ed repeated.
« Well, at first I was hoping that would get your attention, because I truly believe we need to talk. And then I thought, well, if he really doesn’t want anything to do with me, I might as well die here on my ship, with you close by…. My life isn’t worth living if it’s not spent with you Ed. » Stede claimed sincerely, a tentative smile on his face.
Stede saw him in his eyes, behind the horrendous make-up and the carefully composed stern face, he saw Ed. His Ed.
« Don’t toy with me Stede, don’t fucking toy with me » Ed’s voice cracked, emotions bursting out of him all of the sudden.
« I’m not. Oh Ed, there’s so much I regret, so much I want to tell you. »
A tentative hand reached towards Ed’s face. This time, he didn’t remove it.
« I waited for you. » Ed said quietly, his voice barely a whisper as tears ran down his face. « I waited for you all night. »
« I’m sorry. I’m terribly sorry. For everything. » Stede answered.
Ed rested his head on the bar cells, Stede’s hand still on his cheek.
« I hope that some day you’ll find the strength in your heart to forgive me. But please know this, I love you Ed. And I’m sorry I had to go away to realise just how much.» Stede continued.
They were looking into each other’s eyes now, Stede’s hand on Ed’s cheek, his thumb drawing imaginary circles on his skin. But without another word, Ed pulled away.
He was at the bottom of the stairs, reading to leave when he added :
« You better eat your breakfast tomorrow. »
Progress. That was progress. Stede had to lie down for a bit after that.
..........................................................................
Izzy did not wait to see if Bonnet would succombe to starvation.
He had already assigned Ivan and Fang on the task of keeping Blackbeard and the rest of the crew occupied on deck. Izzy had no idea what they were distracting his Captain with, but could only hope it was going to work long enough for him to do this. He went down the stairs with nothing but a key in his pocket and his lucky dagger which never left his side. He considered bringing his pistol, but then the noise would have alerted Edward right away. No he was going to have to be quick, efficient and quiet.
Upon seeing him approach, Bonnet seemed utterly displeased.
« That’s a face I did not miss » the idiot had the audacity to declare.
« Well that’s a shame, because it might be the last face you ever see » Izzy responded, as he walked toward the cell.
He unlocked it quite quickly and took pride in seeing panic grow into Stede’s features.
« What are you doing? » he asked, obviously distraught.
« Something I should have done a long time ago. »
Bonnet stepped back until he was cornered, as Izzy made his way into the cell.
« Izzy, please, I’m not sure that’s what E- Blackbeard would want. » Stede pleaded.
« Maybe not but it’s what he needs. » Izzy replied with confidence.
While he thought this through, he had concluded the best way to end Bonnet’s life without causing any disturbance would be choking him to death. That way he would avoid any noise, and Edward would believe hunger was the real culprit.
« It will be quicker if you don't resist » Izzy added.
As much as he wanted to enjoy it, he needed it to be done as quick as possible.
Bonnet looked properly horrified. He also looked exhausted. The boys might be right, he probably could have died on his own given a few more days. But that was speculation and Izzy needed him dead now. At his hand. For Edward.
« What did I ever do to you? » Bonnet cried. « Except stealing your hostage, which was rightfully mine by the way, and being somewhat a bit rude to you, also rightfully so? »
Bonnet received no answer to his question as Izzy lunched himself at the man. The idiot still tried to defend himself. His punches lacked any real forethought or technique though, and it didn’t take long for Izzy to put him down and wrap his hands around Bonnet’s neck. Straddling him, he began strangling the man.
« Izzy, you’re making a mistake. He’s never going to forgive you for this » Bonnet croaked, gasping for air.
« Oh but how would he know it was me? You were asking for this when you decided to stop eating. I could have just waited for you to die, but I don’t even trust you to do that properly. Now, you won’t ruin anyone’s life again. »
Bonnet was beginning to lose consciousness, his cheeks were turning blue and his eyes were closing. Izzy smiled. Good riddance.
Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain at the back of his neck. As he fell onto the side, he saw a face he never thought he’d see again.
« Surprise bitch » was the last thing he heard before his world turned black.
..........................................................................
Stede thought the coughing was never going to end.
As his breathing began to somewhat settle again, his brain tried to catch up on what had just happened. Lucius was standing over Izzy’s unconscious body, a jug in hand, panting hard.
« Lucius! » Stede exclaimed.
There was so much more he wanted to say but his voice was still rough and talking was painful.
« Been wanting to do that for a long time » Lucius smiled.
« Is he- is he dead? » Stede asked, visibly disturbed by the thought.
« Nah, he’s just knocked out. Though that shouldn’t worry you that much considering, you know, he was about to murder you. » Lucius replied with his usual sass.
« And he would have if you didn’t intervene. Thank you Lucius, it seems I owe you my life » Stede said sincerely as he slowly rose up from the floor.
« Don’t mention it. I’m just lucky no one’s below deck. I could get out of the secret passage unnoticed. Now, what do we do with him? »
Stede took the time to consider.
« Because like, honestly, I’m kinda freaking out being out in the open like this » Lucius added as he threw a nervous glance to the stairs.
« Of course, don’t worry, you’ve already done so much, you might… em go back your uhh-»
« Walls » Lucius offered.
« Walls » confirmed Stede.
« Hey at least you’re a free man now » Lucius gestured to the open cell.
Izzy didn’t lock it behind him. And why would he, Stede wasn’t supposed to survive. Except, thanks to Lucius, he had.
He bent down to retrieve the dagger from Izzy’s sheath.
« Woah what are you going to do with that ? » Lucius asked, clearly concerned.
« Oh nothing don’t worry, it’s just to have a bit of leverage. You can go Lucius, I got it from here. »
« You sure? You don’t want us to drag him somewhere or anything? »
Stede shook his head as he explained :
« No, otherwise he might just try again later. Don’t worry, I know what I am doing… hopefully. »
Lucius nodded before hurrying outside.
« See you on the other side! » he called out.
And with that Stede was left alone, Izzy’s body lying on the floor. At least, almost dying had filled Stede’s body with adrenaline. He had almost forgotten how tired he was.
..........................................................................
When Izzy opened his eyes again, he felt very dizzy and his head hurt like hell.
« Ah, finally, you’re awake! »
Bonnet’s voice has always been irritating, but this time, with Izzy’s head still throbbing, it was even worse. He tried to reach for his dagger but his hands were tied behind his back, with some kind of belt.
« Looking for this? » Bonnet supplied, his dagger in hand. Izzy trashed around.
« You fucking moron! You don’t even know how to use it do you? » he snarled gritting his teeth.
« Oh but I’ve killed before Izzy. Don’t tempt me. » Bonnet declared, some gravity in his voice.
« What do you want? » Izzy asked.
He had no idea how much time had passed since he went down to the cell. He was starting to worry Edward was looking for him.
« Oh so many things. An apology, an explanation but mostly… Some insurance you won’t try to do it again? » Stede replied casually, playing with the dagger in his hand.
« Fuck you » Izzy spat.
« So it’s like this okay. Then it’s plan B, you die. »
Bonnet came for him and raised his dagger. Izzy half believed he was actually going to do it, but still, what other choice did he have but to comply.
« Alright, fine. »
Bonnet lowered the dagger.
« Good. So let us strike a bargain like human beings then, shall we? I won’t tell Ed you brutally tried to murder me and you won’t try it again. Because if you do, my mystery friend who assaulted you earlier will run to Ed and tell him exactly what you did. »
Izzy remembered someone’s voice before fainting. It was a voice he could never forget, a voice so unnerving that it could almost rival Bonnet’s. But he died. Edward killed him, told him so himself. Unless…
Fuck, he must not have had the guts to do it. He lied about it only to gain Izzy’s respect again. He must have hidden Lucius somewhere, kept him prisoner just for his reputation.
« So? » Stede prompted him again, seeing as Izzy was not answering.
« What makes you think I care if Blackbeard knows? » Izzy asked instead.
« Well I know you do care because otherwise you’d have shot me in the face. »
« Fair point » Izzy conceded.
« So do we have a deal? »
What choice did Izzy have? He was bound, and his only weapon was in his enemy’s hands.
« Fine. »
« Great, now let’s shake on- oh. Yes, your hands are bound. »
Izzy gave him a murderous look.
« Okay I’m going to untie you once you’re out of the cell. »
It was only then that Izzy realised the cell door was wide open. Stede could have run away. He could have killed him, and escaped. That’s what Izzy would have done. What a fucking donkey.
« Wait, you’re staying here? » Izzy asked, clearly shocked by what he was witnessing.
« Where else could I go? If Ed wants me here, then here will I be. I’m sure he’ll come around when he’s ready. I am making progress with him. Now remember, don’t try to do anything stupid, the walls have ears.»
Bonnet proceeded to get him out of the cell, untie him and close the door. Only then did he give him back his dagger. Izzy was too stunned to speak. The man was going on a hunger strike but willingly stayed imprisoned.
« The lock please » asked Bonnet.
And so Izzy locked the door and hurried outside, wondering how the boys managed to keep the crew occupied on deck for so long. No time to form another plan now. Fucking Stede Bonnet.
..........................................................................
The next morning, Blackbeard went down to the cell again, a tray in hand.
Stede looked even more exhausted than before. He was lying on the floor and didn’t even wake up when Blackbeard put the tray down.
« Stede, wake up. I brought you something I thought you couldn’t resist » Blackbeard announced.
Stede looked up to find some bread and marmelade being offered to him. His eyes lightened up.
« Thank you »
«Yeah well you’re lucky, we found it on a ship we raided the other day.»
Stede seemed to forget everything he taught Blackbeard about how to eat like a gentleman, as he gulped down his food in a total of 8 seconds.
Blackbeard chuckled quietly as he made him another toast. After Stede had eaten, Blackbeard finally asked :
« I’m ready. Tell me what happened that day ».
And so Stede did. He told him about Chauncy, about the guilt and insecurities that led him home. He told him about Mary, how she was thriving without him, and how out of place he felt there, but endured it because he thought that was what he ought to do. He told him about Doug, and how seeing him with Mary made him ache for Ed even more. And he told him about the fuckery, and how he gave up everything just to be with him. Blackbeard didn’t interrupt.
After a beat, Stede finally asked :
« What about you? What happened to you? »
Blackbeard just looked at Stede, a confused look on his face.
« Well, you left my crew to die, tried to murder Lucius and made dubious choices in face make-up. » Then he added a quiet « Sorry. »
« What do you mean tried to murder Lucius? I threw that motherfucker overboard. »
« Bitches don’t die that easily asshole » Lucius’ voice echoed from the wall.
« What the f -» started Blackbeard.
« The point is, Ed, this is not you » Stede quickly added, distracting him from Lucius’ presence.
« Or maybe it is. Maybe I’m just tired of hearing what I’m supposed to be. This isn’t you Blackbeard, this isn’t you Ed » he uttered in a mockery tone. « Well maybe, nobody knows what is ME. » he spat angrily.
« You’re right, you shouldn’t behave according to other people’s expectations. You should do what makes you feel whole and happy. You should be true to yourself. »
« I don’t even know who ‘me’ is anymore. I think I lost a part of myself when you left me on the docks. » Blackbeard sighed.
« What if it’s not lost, just hidden in there somewhere? » Stede tried.
« Like that fucker hiding in the walls? »
« That fucker can hear you, you know » echoed the wall.
Blackbeard and Stede both huffed a chuckle. Stede put his hand on top of Blackbeard’s and Blackbeard didn’t pull away. They stayed like this for a while, hand in hand through the cell bars, gazing into each other’s eyes.
« That night when I waited and you didn’t come…You really hurt me you know. I thought that maybe Ed wasn’t enough, that I wasn’t enough. That I wasn’t living up to your expectations of me…or something » Blackbeard said quietly after some time.
« I’m sorry you thought that Ed » Stede lowered his eyes. « You are more than enough » he declared, looking up again.
Stede smiled and Blackbeard felt as if he was looking directly into the sun. He had almost forgotten what it was like, seeing Stede smile. His stomach was feeling like butterflies had taken residence there.
« I’m sorry about what I did to your crew » Blackbeard grunted softly after a while.
« I know. I’m just happy everyone’s alright. But you’re going to have to apologize to them eventually » Stede added.
« Yeah… Not sure they’ll forgive me. »
« I sure don’t you bastard! You literally threw me overboard! » Lucius intervened from inside the wall again.
« That’s fair. It’s not an easy thing to forgive. » Blackbeard conceded.
« And me? Will you ever forgive me, Ed? » Stede asked, hopeful.
Blackbeard sighed, leaning his head against the wall.
« Maybe. »
Stede flashed him a huge smile again. Stede truly was a lighthouse, he radiated so much light it was dangerous to look at him for too long. Just like the sun. Stede was a bright sun. And Blackbeard was nothing more than a broken man.
« I’m sorry I threw all of your stuff. » Blackbeard apologised, not meeting Stede’s eyes.
« You did? » Stede asked, looking comically more horrified than when Blackbeard had tried to kill him a few days ago.
« Yeah… I got rid of all of it when I came back here. »
« Even the library? » Stede inquired sadly.
« Even the library yeah. »
« Oh » was all he said. Blackbeard could tell he was trying to hide how affected he was by that news.
« I kept the lighthouse painting. » Blackbeard added, hoping that would cheer him up a little bit.
« Really? Why? »
But Blackbeard only shrugged. Why did he really? Was the lighthouse supposed to represent Stede, a sign that he had existed, that what they shared was real and not just a figment of his imagination? Or was it to remind him that he should avoid lighthouses like Stede, because the light was blinding and you ultimately ended up crashing on the rocks. Or maybe it truly was to guide him, lead the way from Ed to Blackbeard, human to kraken, follow the light of destruction. In any case, he was glad he did. Staring at it brought him so much pain sometimes, but that pain was a reminder that Ed was not completely lost after all.
Still holding hands, Stede leaned in between two bar cells, a kiss forming on his lips. But before he could reach his mouth, Blackbeard decared :
« Izzy kissed me »
They heard Lucius choking inside the wall.
« I think… that’s why he hates you so much, if you were wondering. »
Stede definitely looked stunned for words. He was lost in thoughts for a moment, like Blackbeard just gave him the final piece of a puzzle only Stede knew. Like everything made sense now. And in a way, maybe it did.
It was only after a long pause that Stede finally replied with a smile :
« Oh. Well. I can’t really blame him. I know how easy it is to fall in love with you.»
« Oh shut up » Blackbeard joked, clearly pleased with that statement.
« So um. How-how did you feel about Izzy- about that-that kiss? » Stede stuttered, his voice higher than usual, as he picked out crumbs of bread from his trousers.
« Are you asking if it was better than when I kissed you? » Blackbeard teased.
« N-no, I was just wondering about your um feelings towards Mister Hands and-»
« Well this isn’t a fair comparison. Our kiss was ages ago, I think I need a reminder. You know, in order to properly choose which one was best. » Ed replied.
Yes, Ed. Because it wasn’t Blackbeard anymore. It was all Ed, and he hadn’t felt this alive in a long time. Since kissing Stede on that beach perhaps.
« I guess I have no choice but to oblige now. You know…. Only to be a gentleman and allow a fair comparison » Stede joked back as he leaned for a kiss again.
Of course, that’s when Ivan chose to go down the stairs. Fucking Ivan.
« Captain, we’ve arrived. I’ve come to free the prisoner, the others are already waiting on the deck » he informed him, his key dangling in his hand.
Stede looked at Ed, holding his breath, his eyes pleading once more.
Ed stood silent for a minute but eventually made his way out. He declared before leaving :
« There is another one in the wall, take him as well ».
..........................................................................
The crew was indeed gathered on the main deck, Jim and Frenchie included, when Stede and Lucius emerged. How good it was to see all of their faces again. And the sun! Stede had almost forgotten what it felt like. He took a breath of fresh air and allowed himself this small moment of contentment.
It was short-lived though, because soon enough Izzy was barking at them to get in line.
One by one, he began to give them back their belongings (not that they had many to begin with).
When he offered Stede his small bundle, both men exchanged a lingering eye contact. Stede translated Izzy’s look as « I still wish I killed you, but I’m glad to be rid of you. » But Stede couldn’t hate him anymore, not now that he knew. If anything, he felt pity for the little man. He knew what it was like to love now, and he couldn’t imagine spending his entire life loving someone from afar. Except maybe now he was going to have to.
He cast another glance towards the cabin, but it seemed that Ed was not coming. He couldn’t blame him, Stede did the same to him that one night didn’t he. But he thought they were making progress, and didn’t Ed ask for a kiss? They had talked, he had explained himself, he had apologised… Maybe it was foolish but the whole time he was a prisoner down there, he really thought it could make things right. Maybe Ed did forgive him, but just didn’t want him in his life anymore. Forgiveness didn’t equal trust, and how could he trust Stede to not leave again? Or maybe… It’s like Ed said, he didn’t know who he was anymore and he needed space to figure that out. Either way, a goodbye would have been nice.
Izzy had hushered the whole crew out of the ship. His ship.
Only Stede remained.
« Time to go Bonnet » Izzy repeated as he shoved Stede towards the edge of the vessel.
Maybe he failed in making things right with Ed, but he could at least try to fix some damage with Izzy.
« I’m sorry Izzy. For everything. »
« The fuck you’re on about » Izzy looked at him like the sole vision of Stede made him want to gag.
« I just am. Take care of him, please. » Stede declared sincerely, looking at his cabin once more.
Izzy just motionned for him to go down the ladder and out of his sight. As Stede began to climb down, he could have sworn he heard Izzy whispered « Always. »
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As they all stumbled upon solid ground again, Roach was the first to ask :
« So, what now ? »
The crew members were all gathered in a semi-circle around Stede, looking at him intensely. He reviewed them, one by one. Oh how he was going to miss them. His caring Oluwande, his protective Jim, his devoted Buttons, his funny Swede, his smiling Frenchie, his emotional John, his fierce Pete, his loyal Lucius, his talented Roach. How he wished he could have had more time with them.
« Now you’re free. » Stede finally answered.
The crew looked at him, questioning.
« Free to start anew. From now on you can be anything you like. Reinvent yourself! Follow your wildest dreams! » Stede developed.
« So, you’re saying I can be a singer now? » The Swede asked, clearly excited by the prospect.
« If that’s what you want, of course you can! I believe in each one of you. »
« Um » Black Pete started, raising his hand. « But what if all I want is just to continue to be a pirate? »
« Look, all I’m saying is this : our adventure together is coming to and end. Your life is your own. I give you back your freedom, do with it as you please. But reflect on this moment as a new chapter in your life, you have a blank page in front of you! Only you can write the rest of your story. »
« What if we can’t write? » Frenchie inquired, and Wee John nodded along.
« It’s just a metaphor. » Stede clarified.
« Right, sure yep, a metaphor, totally, it makes a 100% more sense now. » Frenchie repeated, clearly having no idea of the word’s meaning.
« The point is » Stede started again, « This is a new start. For all of us. ». He smiled.
« So you’re saying that you’re giving up piracy? » Oluwande asked genuinely.
« Yes. Being a captain had been.. It was everything I ever wished for and more. I didn’t only find myself on the sea, I found a family. And I just want to thank you all for the memories. It truly was the best of times. But there comes a moment when a man has to admit that despite his best intentions, he is dangerous to others. I didn’t just hurt Edward that day, I hurt all of you. I think I need to be alone for now, lay low, live a quiet and solitary life. » It’s what I deserve, Stede didn’t add.
Stede felt tears prickling at his eyes. When recruiting these very eccentric individuals, he never would have guessed just how much he would grow to love them. It was going to be harder than he imagined, exiting their lives for good. But it was for the best. He had made his decision.
The crew went silent for a while, looking between one another with questioning glances.
« Then if this is it, I think we can all thank you too Captain. » Lucius spoke first.
« I’m going to miss all of you, truly. But I have no doubt you will succeed in anything you enterprise. » declared Stede, his voice heavy.
Lucius went to Stede and hugged him.
« I’m sorry about Edward » he whispered.
The best thing Stede could do without bursting into tears was nodding, so he did.
« Goodbye Captain » Lucius said.
The rest of the crew followed his lead, and each one of them gave the Captain an individual hug. Jim seemed reluctant to at first, but when Stede extended his arms, they did the same (not without rolling their eyes first).
« I’ll send Olivia to check on you Captain » Buttons told him, and Stede couldn’t be more grateful.
As Oluwande was the last to bid his Captain goodbye, he asked :
« Are you going to be alright? »
« Yes, it’s the beginning of a new adventure! » he tried to say with a cheerful tone. Oluwande looked like he was about to say more, but in the end he just replied :
« Take care man ».
« You too ».
He had always felt a stronger connection with his crew than he ever did with his actual children. How he wished each of them well. But he had faith they were going to have a splendid rebound. Or they were just going to stay pirates. Either way, he was so grateful he got to spend time with them and hoped they were going to be happy.
After the crew all went their different ways, Stede now stood alone in the middle of the docks, on an unknown island. He checked his bag, and to his surprise, noticed Izzy hadn’t robbed him of the few doubloons he had left. With that he could maybe get safe passage to somewhere. The destination didn’t matter at this point. He would live a quiet life somewhere, on his own and he wouldn’t hurt anyone else. That was his penance.
He lingered on the docks for a while. Ed had made his decision. He might have forgiven Stede but he needed him out of his life. So that’s where Stede was going. Away.
« Where to? » asked the sailman to whom he gave his money.
« China » answered a familiar voice.
Stede turned to see Ed standing behind him. His face was free of that horrible make-up, and he was dressed in a simple white shirt and black trousers, a large bundle in hand. Stede beamed at him. China didn’t seem so far away anymore.