Chapter Text
Yes.
This was…
Precisely the way that Ed wanted to spend his day. How wonderful.
Who the fuck did this guy think he was? He was just a psychopath dressed up as a clown going to a business meeting.
He was just going on and on and on about their store, and leaving his mark and shit.
Ed just wanted to get his History homework done so he could watch Tim through the computer in that cave thing they have (because while he was all for female empowerment and Queen Lili’uokalani kicked ass, he still didn’t do well with history. It was mainly about a bunch of white guys being dicks and oppressing those who don’t fit in. Wow. Today’s all about basic white ass men being dicks and oppressing those who don’t listen to them).
Ed let his eyes wander to Dad who just looked really annoyed.
Transmute? Ed signed to him. Dad just nodded, tired.
Ed smirked. He knew he would wear Dad down enough to let him handle the big bads.
Guess he wasn’t a bastard all the time after all!
. . .
Ed was having the time of his life out here. Dad had given him permission to fight, and the moment Ed stepped into action he was thriving.
And no, it did not have to do with the way someone immediately cried “What the fuck” when Ed knocked out Clownie or whatever the fuck his name was with one kick.
Listen buddy, if Ed had to drag around two metal limbs for the rest of his life, he could at least be able to hit shit with them.
Not that Ed loved hitting shit with them really fucking hard, it was just so cathartic. That impact, the sounds some objects make, and the feeling of power that came with it… Nothing could really top it other than transmutation. The fun kind, not the kiddie kind.
Anyways, Ed was thriving, and had already drop kicked two goons, punched out three others, and had transmuted the feet of another into the floor. The rest seemed to be booking it, because Al and Dad were giving off scary auraTM and they just watched Ed take out their head honcho guy, and six others without breaking a sweat.
Then one of them came back.
And with him, he brought a gun.
Which for some reason, at the sight of that gun, the others running away started running faster. Which was never a good sign.
“Listen, assholes. You’re going to let us rob you, and then make it out of here without another scratch, or I’m blowing this place sky high.”
Okay. They weren’t the assholes! The ones trying to rob an innocent store were the assholes!
Ed looked to Dad.
“Just hurry up.” Was the only remark. And it was coincidentally the only thing Ed needed to spring into action again!
However, just as Ed was about to transmute the gun away into something harmless and ugly (for the shits and giggles), the asshole decided to use it.
It seems he was only a distraction for the lackies to drag Clownzilla away, and so he felt it was safe to fire anyways.
Man was that light bright as fuck.
But the gun didn’t do anything so jokes on you, asshole!
. . .
Apparently the Bats had been alerted and so they showed up moments later.
Killjoys.
Tim rushed to Ed and started checking him for injuries while the others did various tasks to fix the situation.
Nothing broken, nothing bleeding, no concussions. That was a really nice exercise.
Of course, then Tim wanted to check his arm and leg to make sure nothing fucked with those, so Ed just sighed and said he’d come over soon enough. That seemed to placate the Bats.
. . .
Well. It turns out that the gun sure did something.
I mean. How else would you explain Riza Hawkeye from Amestris standing in front of the Wayne family in the Bat Cave, unable to communicate in anything but the languages she already knew (which, unfortunately were not English) but still lecturing Ed (who understands her perfectly but is genuinely debating the merits of feigning being unable to understand her) about being careful when getting into dangerous situations?
“Fucking hell,” and, oh. Dad. What a big mood.