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Kudari had gone silent.
There had been a heady rush the first time he realized he could fluster his younger brother simply by being obtuse over their apparent ages. His twin, who now looked older than him by fifteen years, made the funniest sounds whenever he gave him a good ribbing about being the elder brother now. It brought an expression to Kudari's face that cracked the sorrow and bitterness that had somehow settled there during his absence.
He didn't remember much. But from what he did remember, Kudari was always smiling. His twin had the brightest and most heart-warming smile he'd ever seen, and it had remained with him even when he was in Hisui. On some particularly hard days, it had been the only thing that kept him going; the idea that someone who smiled so brightly for him was waiting. Nothing anywhere could ever compare to how a smile from Kudari made him feel.
There was something resembling a smile on Kudari's face nowadays, and maybe it convinced others (he highly suspected it did not), but it just looked like a grimace to him. Kudari held himself rigidly, an odd echo of the straight, crisp stance he vaguely remembered them both taking with ease. There was no humor in his blunt answers, and the smile never reached his eyes, even when sharing something with Nobori. It felt painted on, or stuck, like Kudari could not release his hold on it or everything would shatter.
So when he could tease Kudari, make him huff and puff over something that didn't even make sense -they were twins, neither one of them was *truly* the older brother- it brought out a little more of the Kudari he had remembered. Around it, the memories spread out like watercolor, blooming to create vivid recollections of their life together. He knew he wanted to make sure Kudari was happy, that his smile was genuine, and that he had nothing to worry about for their entire lives.
But now, Kudari had gone quiet, eyes steely and shoulders firm, because he had once again called Kudari his older brother. He had ensured his tone was teasing, had leaned towards him just slightly on the couch. Instead of reacting how he had been, his twin got up out of his seat and left the room in silence. Had he pushed Kudari too far this time? Was Kudari angry with him? Was Kudari frustrated with his behavior? A shiver ran through his entire body at the thought, even as a little bit of nervousness settled in his stomach. An odd eagerness began to spread in his chest, a companion to the nerves, catching him by surprise. The confusion he felt at the strange blend of emotions stalled his action.
Kudari returned before he could decide to follow after him, expression the same but with something in his hands. It took him a moment of direct staring at the thing his twin held to identify it. A thin loop of leather, black with a white point-down triangle, and the shiver turned into a jolt straight to his core once recognition hit. A soft moan escaped before he caught up with what his body had clearly understood and anticipated.
A collar.
Kudari remained silent, eyes flickering with a barely hidden heat, as he tilted Nobori's chin up until their gazes locked. A tap of one finger under Nobori's chin gave the command of 'stay.' Satisfied with the blush that had begun to creep onto Nobori's cheeks, Kudari gently brought the collar up and around his throat. Kudari's fingers ghosted across the leather once he had finished fastening it, and the barely there touch enhanced by the fabric of Kudari's gloves had him shaking.
"Kudari." His brother's name came out as a warm, airy sigh, and some of the edge was smoothed off of Kudari's smile. He lifted his hand to tentatively run his fingertips over the triangle on the collar, even as he obediently kept his chin tilted up. The leather was smooth, and the stitching high quality; it felt just heavy enough that he knew it was there, like a soft kiss against his throat. "We have done this before, haven't we?"
"Yes. Do you remember?" Their hands brushed against each other as Kudari withdrew his. His other hand came up to join the first, both folded over the emblem of his brother. Maybe if he cradled the symbol, his wish to comfort his brother could be relayed to his twin.
"Vaguely. My body remembered, but the thoughts are still cloudy." When Kudari had returned with the collar, his body had responded to memories that even now his mind did not know. But if the eagerness that was still making his heart pound indicated anything, he knew he wanted this with every fiber of his being. Maybe this would pull enough memories to the forefront that he could be more like himself and stop hurting his precious twin.
Kudari watched him for a moment, clearly weighing something in his mind. "Do you remember the safety call?" As he spoke, his hand came up to stroke through Nobori's hair, expression otherwise unreadable. It was feather-light, no weight from Kudari's palm on his scalp, the fingertips barely brushing his skin. Kudari must have still been frustrated with him, touching him with these teasing barely-there caresses.
"Yes." When Kudari didn't make a move other than to continue to pet his hair, he dropped his hands from his neck and finished with "crossbuck."
The moment it came from his mouth, Kudari's fingers closed around his hair and tugged. His gasp was covered by Kudari's voice, smooth tone at odds with the sharp pull at his hair. "I worried about you. Now you're back and you spend it teasing me?"
He kept his chin up as Kudari had placed it, but now it made him look defiant, Kudari's fingers tangled in his hair like this. So, he smiled just a little, narrowing his eyes to complete the visual. "Sorry, Onii-chan. 🖤"
Kudari twitched but kept his cool expression. "Not an ounce of regret." His other hand came up and tapped the white triangle on the collar twice. "You know what this means, right? That you are mine." Breath speeding up, his eyes went half-lidded at the blunt claim of ownership of him. "And that you should behave. Properly."
In truth, although his body remembered this with pleasure, his memories of how to navigate these situations were still clouded behind a haze. "I don't..." he hesitated, not wanting Kudari to stop, but unsure of how he was supposed to act. "I don't remember how to behave, but this feels good. I want to continue."
"Hm, I see." At first, he thought Kudari would decide to stop at his admittance of not remembering the behavior that was expected of him. He tried not to let disappointment take hold. And Kudari did indeed take a step back from him, removing his touch once more. But, he didn't go far, making just a few inches of space between himself and the couch. "Take off your shirt. Then, kneel in front of me."
Oh. Oh.
Swallowing hard, he leapt up from his own spot on the couch and quickly stripped himself of his white vest, tie and dress-shirt. All were tossed without a care onto the back of the couch. The vest was a new aspect of their old uniforms that Kudari had adopted while he was gone. It accented his twin's form, made his strong shoulders even more eye-catching, and the black of his vest and gloves brought such a focal point in the otherwise white outfit that he struggled to look away. It had caused more than one awkward situation for him at work.
Kneeling down in front of his twin, weight settled on his calves, he realized Kudari made very little space for him to do so. He was forced to put his legs on either side of one of Kudari's, the toe of his polished white shoe not far from his groin. It was thrilling, made him want to lean into his twin's leg, buck his hips against him. But for now, he waited to see if Kudari had another command for him before he went off the track, acting as he wanted.
"Nobori," Kudari sighed, mirroring his own breathless whisper from when the collar had been put on him. He drew his hand down Nobori's cheek to his throat, and slipped a finger into the small space between his neck and the collar. "What do you remember of me? Of us?" He crooked his finger slightly with each question, Nobori moving forward just the barest amount with each tug. He pulled particularly hard when he said "Tell me."
Well, he certainly hadn't expected a behavior to be simply to 'talk.' But if the clouds in Kudari's gaze would start to clear for something so simple, he would happily oblige. He raised up to his knees, pressing his chest against his brother's legs with his chin at his belt, staring up at his twin. "Of course, Kudari. I'll talk as long as you want. Just for you." With his chest against Kudari's leg, he felt the excited shiver brought about by his touch run through it, so he wrapped his arms around his twin's waist to hug himself closer before he slid down to rest on his calves.
He began to talk about the little things he could remember, mundane things that would have no meaning to others, but to him, they were guiding beacons to the rest of his memories. A collage of Kudari's smiles played through his mind, accompanied by little bits of conversation. As he talked, he pressed his chest against Kudari again, who stayed mostly silent.
He could never force the memories, but rubbing his chest against Kudari's leg was helping them veer in certain directions. Letting his eyes fall shut, soft pants began peppering into his sentences as the memories turned towards past uses of the collar. Kudari using a leash, tilting Nobori's chin up with his foot, giving him a smoldering look from where he leaned back on the couch with a hungry smile.
A jolt to his groin snapped his eyes open. The toe of Kudari's shoe had slid forward without him realizing, pressing slightly into his crotch. Tipping his head back to look at Kudari, face flushed at getting himself too eager, he began to stumble out an apology, but was cut off with two fingers thrusting into his mouth.
"Eager? Your little brother's leg feel that good?" His twin didn't let him answer verbally, pointer finger holding his tongue down while the middle stroked it. He tried to nod in response, hoping to convey how true it was with his eyes; simply being this close to Kudari set his senses on fire, want burning his insides. The ceiling light created a halo around Kudari, and his pupils felt like they eclipsed his irises.
They hadn't been physically close since he'd returned, Kudari keeping him at an arm's length but always in sight. But he knew there was attraction between them; after he had gotten past the adrenaline of finally filling out the haze around 'the man who always smiled,' his attraction to Kudari had slammed to the forefront of his attention. He had remembered, so vibrantly, the way Kudari affected his body that there had been no choice to bring it up to his twin. Kudari had admitted it fairly easily, but never had acted on it, so he had been left to crave the touch of his other half.
So it came as no surprise that having his twin's body to press against, even just his leg, was drawing out this kind of reaction. He closed his lips around Kudari's fingers, and tried his best to remember any kind of technique to this.
Kudari covered his mouth with his other hand, still gloved, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a moan. Emmet's eyes had narrowed and a little bit of pink dusted his cheeks at the outer corner of his eyes. Wanting to pull more from his younger twin, Nobori swirled his tongue around the digits, sucking them in further. A strangled sound bubbled out from behind Kudari's hand, and he hastily pulled his fingers out from Nobori's mouth, eyes watching the line of saliva that came with them before it broke.
Before he could even give Kudari a satisfied smirk, proud of the work he'd done, the hand that had previously been covering Kudari's mouth came down to the back of his head, fingers lacing into the hair there. Pulled with a gentleness he didn't expect from the heat burning in his twin's eyes, his cheek was pressed tightly against Kudari's crotch.
His twin rolled his hips once, experimentally, hand keeping Nobori's face close. Nobori braced himself against his twins legs with both hands before flicking his gaze upwards with the hope it showed just how much he wanted to continue. Their eyes met, and Kudari must have understood his agreement, because he repeated the motion, grinding against Nobori's face with more fervor.
Nobori tried to return to talking as Kudari had asked, no, commanded of him, but it was growing harder with every thrust of Kudari's hips. He unsuccessfully started a few sentences, pausing to pant and lick his lips as he felt his hips begin to match Kudari's, the leather of the shoe hard against his groin. Kudari got words out first, a puff of breath that sounded like a laugh, "So excited, my cute Nii-san." He played with Nobori's hair with the hand holding him close, while the other traced the collar again. "Want to be good for me?"
He desperately wanted to be good for Kudari, especially if that meant his twin would let them be close again. He nodded vigorously and started to speak. Before, he just let his thoughts meander, offering any bit of memory he could. But now, words poured out of him, all for Kudari. "Of course, of course! I want to be good for you! I love you so much! You're my other half, we complete each other! I need you in every way, I feel like I can't breathe when we're holding ourselves apart--"
"C-Crossbuck--!" Kudari stuttered out, interrupting him. He froze, the respect of the safe-word instinctual, and pulled his face back slightly, startled when Kudari's hand was not there to stop it. Kudari dropped to his knees in front of him, eyes glistening. It took a brief moment to recognize the tears, and he didn't hesitate to pull his twin close. "Nobori..." he said miserably, pressing his face to Nobori's shoulder.
"Kudari? Are you okay?" He brought one hand up to Kudari's hair, stroking his own fingers through it the way he suddenly remembered Kudari liked. His other arm came around his older, younger twin and made sure he couldn't pull away.
"How can you say all that? About me? I'm not... I'm not...."
"You are Kudari."
His twin jerked against him, but he refused to let go, making his grip tighter. Kudari shakily put his arms around him, the fabric of his sleeves tickling his sides. "But--"
"No arguments. You are my brother. My other half. We're finally together again, after too long apart, and I won't accept anyone saying anything bad about my twin. Not even if it's you." A kiss pressed against Kudari's temple had more force than he intended behind it, but maybe it would push some sense into his silly younger brother. As if how riled up he had just gotten wasn't an indication to Kudari.
"Sorry." Kudari whispered into his shoulder, and Nobori wasn't sure exactly what part Kudari apologized for, but for now he would accept it no matter what. "No matter what?" His habit of speaking his thoughts out loud sometimes must have given his idea away. He rolled with it, continuing to pet his twin's hair.
"No mater what."
"Even though I'm like this?" Kudari's face pressed harder into his shoulder. He felt the hot tears drop finally drop onto his skin, and he tried to pull Kudari even closer. There was no distance between them to close, but Kudari liked the feeling of tight hugs, right?
"No one says anything bad about my precious brother around me," he responded firmly. Kudari's only answer was to sniffle against him, unable to argue further. Moving his legs out from under himself to in front of him, he scooted them back so he could rest his back against the bottom of the couch.
"Sorry," Kudari said again after a few moments of leaning against him. He didn't make a move to let go, but that just meant his could be nuzzled more.
"I really like being able to touch you again, Kudari. This was good, and I want to do it again. I want to go further, too." A small disagreement fluttered out of Kudari, but he wouldn't be dissuaded. "I want to feel all the changes you went through. It's not the same as being there, but we should know every inch of each other again, don't you think?"
"Mm. Yeah." It was begrudging, Kudari being stubborn again, but incapable of refusing an offer to become close to his twin again. His gloved hand came up and caressed around his neck, on its path to the clasp to undo the collar. Interrupting Kudari's movement with his own hand, he shook his head.
"I wanna keep it on for a bit. After all, I belong to you, right? I have to make sure I remember." Glancing down, he met Kudari's eyes, and gave him a sly, teasing smile before opening his mouth "O. Nii. Chan. 🖤"