Work Text:
"AH! LAZER!"
"Dem- JESUS!"
"Everything I learned from history is from 8th grade and Wikipedia."
-"Wikipedia is great. I can't wait for Hilary Clinton to be the first black president!"
"I miss- OH FUCK!"
"I blew SOMEONE up."
"Grenade! Oh my face!"
"There's my body floating down the stream."
"I don't know what these capture cards or magical boxes are."
"OH, THINGS ARE EXPLODING!"
"I see him. He was eating shit."
-"Quit eating. Maybe you won't play like a bitch."
"Thank you Ca- THAT IS A SNIPER!"
"We are all douche-tards."
"That's because you have hollow bones, Noah!"
"I'd like to think I added to that victory. I also think I'm full of myself."
"The rest is just butt-fucking with Sparrows."
On Beats by Dre - "Its a doctor who's not a doctor!"
"Codeword: Douche bag"
"That's a sun. Wait, is that a planet?"
"OH SHIT-FUCK!"
"Noah you whore! I hope he kills you!"
"Thanks for joining this little slice of whatever-the-fuck."
"I am Tony the Tiger!"
"Give me your face!"
"Back away, big boy! It's not anal time yet!"
"Some of the noises I make scare me."
"I think these guys are trying to gang-rape me."
-"You what, mate?! I'm not dense, Cortana, you are!"
"Uses nukes like fucking pop-rocks."
"Scatter shot. Pretty!"
"Who let the dogs out? I don't know but they need to put them the fuck back."
"What's up gutter sluts- OH SHIT!"
"You're the bumble-fuck that moved in."
"iPod, iPhone, iDick. Has the iDick come out yet?"
"Family is temporary. I am forever."
"Hehehe, the rape train is here!"
"Colton won't eat my balls. Bitch."
"Out of the frying pan, into the shit."
Double kill. Suicide. "I got 'em! There's just a line of bodies."