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Sangwoo doesn’t always like to be touched. It's okay when his parents do it, or a doctor. He has held hands with a girl twice, which was stressful, and there was a guy in basic training with him who used to pound on his back in excitement. Sangwoo hated that.
But touching Jaeyoung is so different it might as well be an entirely different concept. It’s a whole new language of touches. Sangwoo isn’t experienced, but that part doesn’t bother him. He’s watched porn to get the general idea of things and everyone has to be a beginner at some point, right? No, it’s not being a virgin that bothers him.
It’s the way he shakes on the inside when Jaeyoung presses his heavy, warm hand to the back of his neck. It’s the way he’s halfway hard just from Jaeyoung idly playing with the seam of his jeans while they watch movies. It’s the rush of want that fogs his head and makes him reckless, weak. He can’t look at porn and think about Jaeyoung because he feels like he’s going to burst into flames on the spot. Jaeyoung can bring him to his knees with a look, and that is more than Sangwoo can handle.
“You’re staring.” Sangwoo blinks his eyes and turns back to the drama they were supposed to be watching, instead of ogling his boyfriend like a pervert. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jaeyoung smiling at him. “What were you thinking about?” His voice is smug, like he knows. He grins and pushes his hair back, a seemingly casual move that Sangwoo knows is practiced, to call attention to his ridiculous, handsome face.
It would be less annoying if it didn’t work.
“Nothing,” Sangwoo says, a touch too quickly. His ears are burning. It’s very hard to focus around Jaeyoung, but he knows he can fluster him just as quickly. “I was just thinking about touching you.”
The hand on his leg stills and Jaeyoung’s eyes widen. “Oh?”
“It’s easier if I touch you first. When you touch me, I can’t think.” Sangwoo'’s face is hot but he’s determined. He can’t have Jaeyoung just touching him and touching him. He needs control. A procedure.
Jaeyoung grins and slides his hand further up Sangwoo’s thigh. Sangwoo is mostly hard now and he thinks Jaeyoung can probably tell. He’d be embarrassed if he couldn’t see how turned on Jaeyoung was too. “No,” Sangwoo snaps. He takes a firm hold of Jaeyoung’s hand and moves it out to the side, bringing them closer. He tugs again -- almost uselessly, because Jaeyoung has such longer arms and he’s so much bigger -- and Jaeyoung moves forward, falling into his space.
“Okay,” Jaeyoung breathes. His eyes are dilated and his voice is hoarse. He looks so undone already and Sangwoo hasn’t even started. “So touch me then.”
They’re in Jaeyoung’s apartment, which means he knows not to trust the sturdiness of this couch. “Would you--” he swallows past the dryness in his mouth. They haven’t done much beyond making out and a little groping while watching TV. He’s suggesting something new for them. “The bed. It’s more comfortable.”
Jaeyoung hasn’t stopped staring at him, listening to his every word. Sangwoo loves seeing him like this, so powerful but completely controlled. “Bed?” He blinks his eyes a few times, and then focuses, eyes flicking up to meet Sangwoo’s. “Yeah, holy shit. Yes. Bed.” His face shifts again into a grin. “Sangwoo-ya,” he says, teasing. “I’m warning you that I’m going to touch you.”
Sangwoo frowns a little. “Okay, but just until we get to the be-- aaaahhh!” He flails as Jaeyoung suddenly scoops him up into his arms and twirls him, princess-style, across the room.
Jaeyoung isn’t laughing at him though, he’s looking at him with those big, dopey eyes like he’s the most precious thing in the world. His hands and arms feel so solid under Sangwoo, not even straining under Sangwoo’s weight. “I can’t believe I have you here,” Jaeyoung says. He still has that goofy looking smile. “I like you so much.” And then everything falls out from under him as Jaeyoung drops Sangwoo on the bed, cackling.
Sangwoo is still trying to catch his breath when Jaeyoung pulls off his shirt and strips off his pajama pants, leaving only his boxer briefs. Getting undressed at this point is logical, and Sangwoo has definitely seen naked men before in the baths and communal showers and in the army, but seeing Jaeyoung is somehow too much. Just like the touching is too much.
Maybe it’s because of the touching. Because he knows he can touch Jaeyoung anywhere and Jaeyoung can touch him back, and -- he lets his eyes slide up Jaeyoung’s long, long legs, past his muscled thighs, to the tight black briefs that outline the shape and length of him, to his taut stomach and toned chest -- honestly, Sangwoo has absolutely no idea where to start.
“You see something you like?” Jaeyoung asks, walking slowly toward the bed. He’s flexing his thighs and pecs with each step and he thankfully looks ridiculous.
“You don’t have to flex at me, I know how muscles work.” Sangwoo says, trying to hide his laughter.
Jaeyoung slides in next to him, big and warm and wide. He tugs at the bottom of Sangwoo's shirt. “Now you.”
It's so hot in here that Sangwoo complies instantly, yanking his shirt over his head. He's just wearing sweatpants and those are sticking to the backs of his knees so he pulls those off too.
Jaeyoung immediately nuzzles into his neck, and Sangwoo swears he can feel him smiling against his skin. “Sangwoo-ya,” he says, in between kisses that make Sangwoo shiver. “Tell me your plan. I know you have one.”
Part of him wants to abandon his plan and let Jaeyoung roll on top of him and overwhelm him, but he steadies himself with a deep breath and says, “Roll onto your back.”
Jaeyoung looks up and smiles at him, pressing one more kiss to his lips. Sangwoo chases him for a moment, holding his head steady for another, deep and sweet. A last peck on the lips and Jaeyoung whispers, “You got it, boss,” before rolling onto his back, his hands clasped over his stomach.
“Hands up by your head.”
A smile spreads across Jaeyoung’s face, and he slowly raises his hands and lets them fall loosely on the pillow. He’s almost cocky, but Jaeyoung can tell how affected he is.
“I’m going to touch you,” Sangwoo whispers. Saying it out loud makes him feel a little silly.
“I don’t need a warning,” Jaeyoung says. His hands twitch up by his head, like he wants to reach out. But he keeps them there.
Sangwoo licks his lips. “What if I want to warn you?” He holds his hand out and hovers it just over Jaeyoung’s chest, just close enough to feel his body heat. Fascinated, he watches as goosebumps ripple over Jaeyoung’s skin.
“Fuck,” Jaeyoung hisses. He squeezes his eyes closed and clenches his fists tight. “Sure, god, kill me while you're at it. It’ll be a great way to go. Looking forward to it.” He looks Sangwoo straight in the eyes. “You’re the hottest person I’ve ever met, you know that?”
Sangwoo has met many of the people Jaeyoung knows, and many of them are much hotter than him, objectively, but he knows if he argues now they’re going to get off track. And he has a plan here. “Ssshhh,” he says, placing his hand just above Jaeyoung’s heart, finally getting to feel his skin against his own and the rapid flutter of his pulse underneath. Jaeyoung makes a little sound in the back of his throat and tenses.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” Sangwoo says, already breathless. Maybe he should be teasing a little more before he gets to kissing, but he really loves kissing. Happily, Jaeyoung doesn’t sit up to meet him; he just stays in place expectantly, waiting.
Sangwoo isn’t sure if he's going to make it a sweet and tender kiss or a hot and sexy kiss until the last moment, when his lips touch Jaeyoung’s and he shifts to get a better angle and then his hard cock brushes against the side of Jaeyoung’s thigh. He opens his mouth and grunts in shocked arousal and bites, thankfully not too hard, on Jaeyoung’s lower lip.
Jaeyoung moans and opens his mouth wider, inviting Sangwoo to dive deeper in and he does, getting lost in the kiss, grinding their bodies together. Jaeyoung wraps his arms around him, holding him tight, encouraging him to keep moving as they moan into each others’ mouths. Sangwoo is on fire, he can feel it burning through him, heat boiling in his gut. He realizes, distantly, that he could very easily come from this.
“No,” he mumbles, and Jaeyoung freezes under him. Sangwoo props himself up on one elbow and gets a little distance between their bodies, pressing their foreheads together. “I’m not-- I’m not going to last,” he says, squeezing his eyes closed to try and get a hold of himself. “I want it to last.”
“I’m good to go twice,” Jaeyoung says. He sounds hoarse.
Twice. That hadn’t occurred to Sangwoo, but he has a plan and he wants to execute it. He mentally files that away for another day.
“Can you just lie still?” Sangwoo blurts out. “I told you, I can’t think when you touch me.”
Jaeyoung swallows hard and looks like he wants to argue. “I’ll try,” he says hoarsely. “But first--” he tugs on the top of his briefs. “Is this okay?”
Yeah. Okay. More than okay. Terrific. “Yes, but then stay still.”
Jaeyoung pulls his briefs off and, in an effort not to stare, Sangwoo wiggles out of his as well. Jaeyoung immediately resumes the exact same posture he was in before. “See? I’m being good.”
“Good.” Sangwoo reaches out and pats his head, solemnly, and they both break out into giggles. Jaeyoung’s hair is warm and slightly damp with sweat, sticky with the product he uses after he showers. It shouldn’t be sexy, Sangwoo thinks, but it is, because he’s hot and messed up and sweaty because of him.
The sound of their breathing is the only thing Sangwoo can hear in the room as he slides his hand down to cup the side of Jaeyoung’s face. He can feel it when Jaeyoung swallows, the rasp of his stubble sharp against Sangwoo's palm, and the tension in his jaw. Sangwoo can’t stop staring into Jaeyoung’s eyes. He knows he’s looking just as stupidly lovestruck as Jaeyoung is, and he really can’t believe they found their way here after everything.
If he thinks about that too long he’s going to start kissing Jaeyoung again, so he quickly brings his hand down to Jaeyoung’s chest. It’s a little awkward, because he’s not sure if he’s supposed to cup it or squeeze it or what, but Jaeyoung makes a little sound in the back of his throat that sounds encouraging, so Jaeyoung continues with his exploration. He traces the underside of his pec, then up to circle one flat, puckered nipple.
Jaeyoung gasps, so he does it again, a little harder.
“Boss, you’re killing me here.” Jaeyoung’s voice sounds rougher and lower than Sangwoo has ever heard it, and he feels a rush of power at making him sound like that.
“I just got started.” Sangwoo lightly passes his finger over the hardened nub, and Jaeyoung shivers. Goosebumps ripple over his skin.
“Just so you know,” Jaeyoung says, a little out of breath, “You can use your mouth too.”
“I know that,” Sangwoo says quickly, but the image of it has his cheeks heating up.
“So do it.” Jaeyoung raises his head to look at him, with that same challenging look that used to infuriate him when they first met.
But just like then, he wouldn't give in. He sweeps his hands firmly across Jaeyoung’s chest and down his arms, loving the play of skin and muscle under his hands. Jaeyoung’s hands are so big, almost big enough to swallow his up, but Sangwoo interlaces their fingers together and brings them up to his lips.
“Use my mouth?” he asks, planting kisses across his knuckles. He kneels up to get better leverage, splaying his knees out on the sheets. It feels a little ridiculous, like he's doing some kind of sexy act, and feels exposed with how hard he is and the way Jaeyoung is looking at him. But he loves this, loves being in control, loves the way Jaeyoung is letting his eyes wander, like he wants to look everywhere at once.
Slowly, Sangwoo lets his tongue trace along the inside of Jaeyoung’s index finger, loving the way he shudders and moans in response. Before he can overthink it, Sangwoo slips Jaeyoung’s first two fingers into his mouth and sucks on them.
The effect is immediate. Jaeyoung hisses and arches off the bed. His hand drops to his thigh, like he needs to jerk off, but Sangwoo sees the moment he remembers and stops himself, slowly wrapping his hand into an empty fist right next to his flushed red cock. “F-fu-fuck, fuck,” he chants as Sangwoo swirls his tongue around his fingers.
This gives Sangwoo the confidence now to move between Jaeyoung’s legs, shushing him gently as he pulls his fingers out of his mouth and carefully places both hands up by his head. He wants to lean down and kiss him as he’s repositioning himself, but he can’t do that, can’t risk it. He’s achingly hard and he knows he’s going to be done in a second if he lets himself be touched. Even the thought of it-- his untouched cock throbs and he closes his eyes, willing it away.
He’s not sure if he’s reassuring Jaeyoung or himself when he says “Just a little longer” as he grips Jaeyoung’s thighs and takes a deep breath. Just a little longer.
Under his hands, Jaeyoung’s thighs are taut, straining with the effort not to move. Sangwoo tightens his grip, loving the way he can barely sink his fingers into the muscle. His thumbs travel up the side of his leg, outlining the sharp cut of his quads into the valley of his hipbones. “Please,” Jaeyoung murmurs above him, as his cock twitches in anticipation.
But Sangwoo wants to put his mouth where his hands just were, so he does that instead, kissing and licking the top of his thighs, almost smooth with a smattering of sparse hair closer to the knee. It’s hot, and Jaeyoung sounds like he’s choking. “Fuck, touch me, please, god, touch me.”
“I’ll tell you when I do,” Sangwoo says, lifting his head up to look at Jaeyoung.
He’s expecting a smartass comment, but Jaeyoung seems to be out of words. He just bites his lip and lets his head fall back again. Sangwoo can hear him taking deep, steadying breaths through his nose.
Sangwoo is having a hard time controlling himself, but he can’t think about that too much. He knows he’s hard, he’s been hard for a long time, but other than the occasional twitch of his hips or quick involuntary grind into the sheets, he’s been trying to ignore it. As he dips his tongue into the crease of Jaeyoung’s abs, he knows he can’t push it off for too much longer.
He inhales deeply and presses his lips to the top of one hipbone, sliding both his hands up Jaeyoung’s thighs, stopping just short of the top. Jaeyoung is barely breathing, he’s holding himself so tense and taut, and Sangwoo says, “I’m going to touch you now.”
Jaeyoung’s gasp is the last thing he hears before Sangwoo wraps his hand around Jaeyoung’s cock and pumps it, the blood rushing in his ears. He can’t believe he’s doing this, that he has this control over Jaeyoung.
Use your mouth, he remembers, and he pumps a few more times, listening to the way Jaeyoung’s voice gets higher and tighter, while he gets his thoughts together. He doesn’t think he can get it all in his mouth at once, but he doesn't think he’ll have to, after all this time of teasing Jaeyoung.
This time he doesn’t warn him at all; he just leans down and runs his tongue along the head, like he’d done with Jaeyoung’s finger, reveling in the way Jaeyoung almost comes off the mattress. “Sshhhh,” Sangwoo says, trying to sound severe, but mostly sounding breathless. “Stay still, I don’t want to bite you.”
The only answer he gets is a curse, which he takes as compliance when Jaeyoung stops moving. He gets his mouth back on him and licks again, trying to figure out how to make this work.
He figures there isn’t much he could do at this point that Jaeyoung wouldn’t like, except hurt him, so he just sloppily moves his mouth over the head while he moves his hand. Sangwoo can taste it now, Jaeyoung’s arousal, which is something he’d never thought of, when he was thinking of this, and he moans around Jaeyoung’s cock. He’s been trying not to make too many embarrassing noises, but he can’t help himself, it just slips out.
Sangwoo is breathing harder now, barely able to control himself from rutting against Jaeyoung’s leg as Jaeyoung’s head thrashes from side to side. His hair is stuck to his forehead and his chest is heaving. “S-sangwoo, please. I can’t--” his arms flex and his hips lift off the mattress, a blurt of precome dripping from his cock. “Baby, darling, please, please.”
He's just babbling nonsense but that darling goes straight to Sangwoo’s heart. He doesn't want to play anymore, even though he loves this game. He's hard and he wants to come with his boyfriend. Suddenly, Jaeyoung is too far away.
Jaeyoung’s hand is right there next to Sangwoo’s knee and he grabs it, carefully threading their fingers together, palms slick with sweat. He kisses their joined hands and Jaeyoung looks over at him with a hazy smile. “Baby.”
Pet names get stuck in his throat; Sangwoo was never good at showing his affection with words. Luckily, he doesn't have to. He can give them both what they want. “It's okay,” he murmurs senselessly against Jaeyoung’s hand. “It's okay. I'm here.” He shifts his body forward, bringing their joined hands up by Jaeyoung's head.
Sangwoo can’t take it anymore; he’s going to come the second they touch, he knows it. His skin is on fire and he’s been holding back so long, ignoring the tug in his gut and the way his cock is straining against his stomach. He closes his eyes and finally, as their mouths finally come together in a sloppy, desperate kiss, finally lets go of his last thread of control. “M’gonna come,” he gasps against Jaeyoung's skin. His hips are moving and he can’t control them, doesn't want to.
And then he can’t catch his breath because Jaeyoung is devouring him, holding his jaw as he moans deep into Sangwoo’s mouth. Everything between them is slick, mostly sweat, and a distant part of Sangwoo’s brain realizes that under other circumstances he might find it gross, but it just makes everything feel so damn good. He has the thought that he can’t believe he hasn’t come yet, but then Jaeyoung tenses against him and grits out “Baby. Can I-- ah-- fuck” and grabs his own cock right as he comes in long stripes across Sangwoo’s chest.
That does it. Sangwoo crashes forward and kisses Jaeyoung as he gasps out the last few waves of his orgasm and he grabs on to the back of his hair as the head of his cock slips against Jaeyoung’s hipbone and he comes, shuddering, deep from his toes, skin to skin with his tall, hot boyfriend who is holding him so gently, and he never imagined anything could feel so good.
“Wow,” Jaeyoung murmurs into his ear. “That was incredible.” Even covered in sweat and come, he manages to look good. Debauched. Flushed, with damp spikes of hair sticking to his face in a sexy way, not sticking up like Sangwoo’s hair probably is. He has one arm behind his head in a pose that makes his bicep bulge.
“I can’t believe you,” Sangwoo blurts out. “How are you even real?”
Jaeyoung lifts his head and looks at him with such offended incredulity that Sangwoo bursts out laughing. “Me? Me? I didn’t even do anything! You’re the sex demon here, boss.”
Sangwoo feels the need to be honest. “I haven’t really done much before,” he says. “I was just going with my gut.”
“Sex demon,” Jaeyoung repeats, pulling Sangwoo in for another kiss. “Sex prodigy.” Kiss. “Sex god.” Another kiss.
“It was okay?” Sangwoo feels self conscious now that it's over, cold and sticky and awkward. His naked skin is touching Jaeyoung’s naked skin and it's so strange to him, and a little overwhelming. His cheeks and ears are hot as he flashes back to what they did, and he suddenly has the urge to find his underwear.
“Hey,” Jaeyoung says, gently touching under his chin. “You ok?”
“Yeah I just. I don't know. I feel a little awkward.” But that feeling is already starting to melt a little in the face of Jaeyoung smiling at him so sweetly.
He's not sure what Jaeyoung is going to do; tease him, maybe, about the fact that they're boyfriends and shouldn't be awkward together, but he doesn't. He just kisses Sangwoo again and says, “Want to grab the first shower? I’m going to change the sheets.”
Sangwoo thinks that maybe if this was an American drama, they'd be showering together in some kind of sexy way, but he just showers quickly alone, thankful for the alone time to get his head together. It's nice to scrub himself clean with Jaeyoung’s body wash -- white peach, much nicer than his own cheap lavender stuff-- and get his head together.
When he gets out, the sheets are clean and Jaeyoung has laid out some pajama pants and a t-shirt that Sangwoo had left over there earlier in the week.
By the time Jaeyoung gets out of the shower, Sangwoo is warm and cozy in bed and relaxed enough to throw open his arms and beckon Jaeyoung closer.
“Feeling better?” Jaeyoung asks. He looks a little apprehensive about Sangwoo's answer.
“Much.” Sangwoo kisses him softly, then does it again just because he can. “I liked it so much it kind of freaked me out. But it's okay now.”
“And next time I can touch you?” Jaeyoung grabs Sangwoo’s ass with a wink.
“Hmmm,” Sangwoo says, wrapping his arms tighter around Jaeyoung. “Okay. But only if I say so.”