Chapter Text
December 26, 2003
“But I don’t wanna be a pirate!” Max groaned, holding her lightsaber by her side.
“What!?” She pointed her Captain’s Saber at Max accusingly. “What do you mean ye’ don’t want to be a pirate?’ Ye’ don’t get to choose Long Max Silver!”
“Yeah but-”
“No butts!-” Max giggled.“-Ye’ made a commitment! Captain Bluebeard and Long Max Silver FOR-EV-ER,” Chloe held out Max’s eyepatch. “I should make you walk the plank, First Mate!”
Max refused “But I juuusst got my lightsaber. Nu-uh. I’m a Jedi.” It was an awesome lightsaber at that, apparently it was Aayla Secura’s lightsaber, but Max had no clue of who that was in the movie. To Max, it was her own unique model of lightsaber.
Max had been very adamant that she was a Jedi after her dad showed her all of the Star Wars films in order; he even got Attack of the Clones in preparation for the entire day. She didn’t understand why her dad was ranting about the film being bad to mom after it ended, Max thought it was awesome! She got a lightsaber and a jedi robe yesterday for Christmas. She hadn’t taken that robe off all night when she slept over, and this morning it was staying on.
It’s kinda scratchy though.
“We even buried treasure together! You’re not a jedi, you’re a pirate. It’s a pirate’s life for ye’!” Chloe brought her blade up, pointing at Max. Chloe even got her captain’s tricorn on for added effect.
“You’re on the Dark Side, Chloe!” Max held her lightsaber in both hands like Anakin. “Schvrmmmm!” The lightsaber sprung out after Max pressed the button on it.
“Speak for yourself, traitor!” Chloe went for the first swing, but Max blocked the swing from the floppy plastic saber, and went for a counter-attack, and hit Chloe in the arm.
“Ow!” Chloe held her arm.
“Are you okay!?” Max suddenly got worried, but then got hit by a saber to the arm, which didn’t particularly hurt.
“Gotcha!” Chloe yelled in victory.
“You faker!”
“This is why being a pirate is better, Max. I’m a treacher!”
“You’re gonna pay!”
“I thought you’re not supposed to get mad, Jedi,” She taunted. “Plus, you gotta catch me first!” Chloe pushed Max to her bed and bolted out the door, giggling all the way. Max heard the back slider open from downstairs and close in a hurry.
“I’m gonna get you!” Max called out, getting her bearings and practically sprinting down the stairs.
“Be careful!” Joyce called out from the kitchen.
“Sorry!” Max flung the slider open, closed it behind her and darted to the snowy backyard. She saw Chloe on the pirate ship, standing atop the Bane of Arcadia, a true beauty of a ship. She was outfitted with two swings, a glider-swing, a thin pole-deck and the finest armament fit for a ship o’ the line. A light gray cannon. All of these upgrades came yesterday morning, courtesy of Bloody Bill, the Pirate King. It was also fitted with a ladder, which Chloe stood atop wielding her Captain’s Saber.
“Fight me on the deck, redcoat!”
“I’m a jedi!”
“Jedi redcoat!”
Max ran over to the opposite side of the Bane of Arcadia, climbing atop the cannon. She brushed off the snow on the cold metal bar, and got a good grip.
“A duel to settle it… Whether you’re a jedi or pirate!”
“I don’t wanna fight you Bluebeard!” Max feigned reluctance.
“But here ye’ are!” Chloe leaned forward, holding onto the bar and wildly swung out with one hand. Max responded in kind. The superior range of her lightsaber gave her excellent stabs, but Bluebeard’s saber was built for one-handed use; Max’s saber was not. It was heavier and slower to swing. Max stabbed at Chloe, and finally hit her in the heart.
“Ooo! Argh! Ye’ve hit me!” Chloe dramatically held onto her heart, slowly climbing off the ladder and falling to the ground in a puff of snow. Max climbed down and jogged over, holding her lightsaber to Chloe’s throat.
“You forced me to do this, Captain Bluebeard,” Max motioned to the wounded Captain’s saber with her lightsaber. “Toss the weapon to the side, pirate!”
“Never!” The Captain swung her saber suddenly, knocking Max’s lightsaber to the side. She sprung up faster than Max anticipated.
“You healed?” Max exclaimed, “how?!”
“I have a lot of health, you do too!” Chloe explained quickly.
“Ugh! Fine,” Max held her lightsaber in both hands.
“Wait… What if…” Max saw the gears turn in Chloe’s head. “Aha!”
“What?”
“What if we’re… SPACE PIRATES!” Chloe held out Max’s eyepatch.
Max paused.
That is the most awesome. Idea. EVER.
“YES!” Max jumped in the air, causing the hood of her jedi robe to fall off. She hugged Chloe tightly, accepting the eyepatch “You can be like Han Solo! Uh… Chloe Solo.”
Chloe obviously thought that name was lame. She pulled back and looked at Max directly with a grin, who just got her eyepatch on and adjusted “I’ll stick with Captain Bluebeard of the Bane of Arcadia and with the recent modifications to Her, she can now Hyperspace Jump and destroy Death Stars. Together with Long Max Silver, who completed pirate jedi training yesterday, they can beat anything in the galaxy!”
Chloe climbed up the ladder to the deck, and Max scurried to the front-swing to control the canon. She brushed the snow off of her fine armament.
“Long Max Silver, report on our first mission!”
“Uh…”
The clone troopers need help!
“Clone troopers are located in sector uh… 7227! They’re surrounded and need help!”
“And we’ll get them out! Going into hyperspace! VrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmMMMMM-CHVUMMMMMM!” They blasted off, the bright green grass around them turning into distant stars in the infinite blackness of space. Max knew of the clone troopers who saved her on that fateful day when all the Jedi were surrounded in the arena by droids! They needed to save them.
“We’re nearly there Max and get the hypercannon ready!”
“Aye aye Captain!” Max held onto the cannon for dear life.
“BOOM!”
“We’ve taken a hit! The droids ambushed us!” Captain Bluebeard called down to Max. “They’re in front of us! Give them a taste of our cannons!”
“VROOOM-KABOOM!” Max fired the cannon, then let it power on and reload. “Vzrrmmmmm -thunk!”
“Awesome hit! Two more ships! Aim to the left!”
Max aimed to the left, aiming at the neighbor’s window. “VROOM-KABOOOOOM!” In Max’s mind, the entire droid ship was blown to bits.
“Good hit Long Max Silver! Switch to the laser cannon because this one is too fast! Blast ‘em!” Chloe called out, pointing up and to the left. Max slapped the cannon, turning it onto ‘laser mode.’
“Pew-pew-pew-pew-pew!” Max fired off a series of laser bolts, none hitting the enemy ship. “It’s too fast! I can’t hit it Captain!”
“Trust in yourself Long Max Silver, let the force guide you. Let it run through you,” Chloe said in a Master’s tone, “you can do it!”
Max closed her eyes, trying to block out every other sound and focus. “Pew-pew-pew!” Max shook the cannon in the recoil.
“You did it!” Chloe exclaimed.
“Yes! Let’s get to the ground! We have to save the clones!” Max said urgently.
“We’re going Max speed!” Chloe chortled and Max giggled in return.
“Max! Chloe! Breakfast!” Chloe’s dad called out, the backslider open, “Even pirates need to eat!”
“Space pirates dad,” Chloe rolled her eyes, turning back to the mission at hand.
“Ooo, space pirates? Is that why Long Max Silver has a lightsaber and jedi robe?”
“Yes,” Max confirmed, nodding excitedly.
“Fearsome! Still, your mom spent all morning making Belgian waffles and bacon Chloe.”
Max’s stomach grumbled and mouth salivated at the idea of Belgian waffles. Her hands were cold and the jedi robe wasn't exactly warm.
“Uhhh…” Chloe was obviously convinced too, “yeah the uh - the engine was damaged and R2D2 has to spend time repairing it! We have to go to the mess hall and eat breakfast! Do ye agree, Long Max Silver?”
“Yes!” Max bolted off of the swing and ran to the backdoor. Chloe climbed down the ladder.
“Be careful! Don’t want you knocking down a TV again,” William said crossly to Max as she sprinted past him. That was three weeks ago, Joyce and William had to get a new TV. Chloe tried to take the blame, but Joyce saw Max alone run past the TV chasing Chloe and caught her jacket on the TV. She was grounded for a week by her own parents, and they bought Chloe’s parents a new TV.
“Sorry about that again,” Max said guiltily, immediately slowing down in the warm living room. She felt even worse for a few seconds, realizing she ran in the living room chasing Chloe again just before. But she quickly forgot due to the sight of the table full of food.
“It’s alright - and you too young pirate-lady,” Chloe’s dad said down to his daughter.
“Bah!” Chloe slowed down though, and they both sped-walked to the table. The smell was amazing.
Massive stack of golden waffles. Plate full of bacon. Cheese biscuits. Bright orange juice pitcher. Fork. Knife. Sit. Napkin.
There was no waiting, Chloe and Max began stacking waffles, bacon and copious amounts of syrup on their plates. In quick succession, Max cut into a comically large slice of waffle, causing her fork to weigh down. She still stuffed her face with the waffle bite, chewing quickly.
I love waffles.
Chloe snorted and her parents began laughing uncontrollably; they had just barely gotten their plates ready. “Wh-?” She could barely speak with her full mouth, causing Joyce to crack up even more. Max began laughing too. They all laughed and Max had to be careful to ensure she didn’t snort out her orange juice when she tried to wash the waffle down.
—
"R2D2 fixed it! Let's go!"
"WOOOAAAAAHHHOOOWW," Chloe imitated R2D2, causing Max to laugh loudly.
"Full speed ahead!" Chloe called out, making engine noises the entire time, "we're landing in one… two… three… ka-chunnnngggg."
Max hopped off the swing, holding her lightsaber.
"This planet is so cold!" Max giggled, looking around in wonder. Around her were massive mountains with caves, and snow atop their angular peaks.
"Of course, silly. It's Hoth!"
"Hoth?"
"The planet Luke was beating the giant walkers and where the yeti attacked him."
"Ohhh… Well let's save the clone troopers!"
Chloe and Max marched off through the warm cave.
"Don't go too far out kids." Bloody Bill told them
"We're on a mission!" They both cried together, continuing and eventually reaching the other side to a long valley going left and right, covered in snow.
"Where is the force telling us to go Max?" Chloe asked with all seriousness.
"Hm… Right!"
They began their long march, trudging through the snow. Their footfalls left tracks behind them on the hard ground.
"Captain Bluebeard, why is the ground so hard?" Max suspended the idea that it was concrete for now.
"It's permafrost, Long Max Silver."
"Perma-what?"
"Permafrost. I learned it from dad talking about his trip to Alaska and it's ground that never gets soft because it's always frozen," Chloe explained as they trudged along.
"Ohhhh."
They heard a landspeeder come down the valley.
"Hide! It's a bounty hunter!"
Max and Chloe dove into a pile of snow that was up against the trash can. The speeder passed by without seeing them.
"Whew!"
"That was close," Chloe responded, standing up and dusting off. She reached her hand out to Max, who took it and was pulled up to her feet.
They kept moving, walking and walking and walking til they were at the end of the valley. Ahead of them was a large street, and a beach ahead of that.
"Right. Long Max Silver, where do we head from here?"
"Hm…" Max closed her eyes and focused. "Right."
They continued down, until they reached a small ice village. It had a place called the Two Whales Diner, and other stores and shops, but they weren't there for leads or help. They had a mission, and knew exactly where to go.
They trudged up the snowy incline, going on and on til there were more trees and less people. Soon, there were no people at all.
They went up, up, up and then they reached where the clones were.
"The space tower!" Chloe yelled out, drawing her cutlass, ready to fight droids alongside Max who brandished her lightsaber fiercely.
The memories fled.
—
I don’t see a way out.
Max wrote that entry two weeks ago - it’s the 4th of November today - leaving the rest of the page blank; a journal entry that has remained relevant for every day since. Her heart sank into her stomach as she reviewed the words, leaving her unable to write anything else.
What else was there to write? She thought. It wasn’t like pouring my feelings over the page would help - random ramblings by a girl who couldn’t deal with…
She looked up, towards the ocean. This was a ritual. Sitting by the lighthouse, sometimes for hours, looking over Arcadia Bay. Despite the past being the past, now unable to be changed, she still weighed her options. Her options weren’t too different now. Very similar actually.
She stood up from the bench, calmly walking and nearing the edge. She observed the empty beach that was lit in golden light and looked to the calm glistening ocean.
Just rub it in my face while you're at it.
She looked down, seeing splashing shallow water and foam dotted by the occasional boulder hugging the cliffside. Max hitched her breath and took a step away, going back to sit on the bench. She stretched and yawned.
I’ll stay here a little while longer.
She put her elbow against the back of the bench, and rested her head on her hand. The sunset was beautiful, Beta Max would’ve taken a photo, but it reminded her of when she ‘woke up.’ That day…
“Fuck,” Max felt her nose prickle, and her eyes went misty. I can’t even be alone in my head.
Max grabbed the journal beside her and read what she wrote again. It was a short entry, but it was the one she read when she wanted to feel resentful.
October 14, 2013
Chloe’s funeral is in three days. It’s been really rough, I can't even begin to imagine what Joyce is going through. I really wish I got to know her better, I really messed up. I should’ve called, or texted. I think I’ve made my peace though - I’m so glad I didn’t remember what happened in the bathroom and blacked out. Why did you have to get involved with all that stuff Chloe? Prescott was always untrustworthy. You shouldn’t have met him after what he did to you.
:(
Max’s hands flexed, shook and bent her journal.
You really blamed her, you sick fuck? You drew a sideways frown on the page?
She slammed the book shut and tossed it to her bag on the floor; it didn’t land in the bag, and instead flopped to the dirt.
Beta Max didn't know about Chloe and Rachel's plan.
Max stood and neared the edge again and paced. No reasoning like that helped. The sun had already set, it wasn’t that beautiful anymore, and twilight swept across Arcadia Bay.
Weigh your reasons. She urged herself. Max paced faster, making a list in her head. It was down to a science.
Pros:
You wouldn’t have to deal with it all anymore.
No more nightmares.
No more triggers.
You’ll constantly want to rewind later. Hell, you want to rewind now.
No more bringing others down. No more using others to feel better. No more being taken care of and wasting everyone's time.
Rip the bandaid off sooner rather than later.
No more people urging you to go to therapy.
No more people asking “How are you doing?”
No more people.
No more noise.
It could be quick.
Max stopped pacing. She looked to the black ocean beside her.
Cons:
She began pacing.
Mom and Dad.
Kate.
Warren, Dana, Joyce and even David.
Yourself?
She paused.
Are you really worth it? Genuinely? If it hadn’t been for Chloe or your time powers, you would’ve been like Other Max. Plus, you’re hopelessly depressive around everyone else, you treat Kate like your personal pocket-therapist and you have no future. Photography? Dead. Music? You’re shit. College? Pft.
She added that reasoning to the Pros list. Okay, finishing it off…
Your promise to Chloe…
It could be painful.
You could fail.
It could just be nothingness.
Kate could be right and you get sent to Scary Red Man land.
You have to give Warren his flash drive back.
Max stopped and gave a slight laugh, stopping her pacing. She walked to the edge and looked down one last time, before taking a few steps back, picking up her bag and walking down the trail to get to the Bay and eventually Blackwell.
It has been like a month… I'll get his flash drive to him first thing tomorrow, just to knock that one off the list.
—
I'm starving.
It was the first thought in her head as she woke, feeling her stomach grumble and her hands shake. Max reached out and grasped her phone. Her eyes squinted and adjusted to the sudden light from the brick of LED's.
1:17 PM
Not too bad.
Max set her phone down and considered the idea of sleeping, but her hunger got the best of her. She slowly took her covers off and sat up. The sudden dizziness nearly caused Max to tumble off the bed, but she got her bearings. She stepped over to her desk, which was covered in random bottles, a paper plate, a ripped up photo and wrappers of all different kinds. She picked her bag up off the floor, found her half empty water bottle and a bag of Sunchips she bought last night.
She ripped the bag open and devoured all she could find, then drinking the rest of the bottle with absolute desperation.
Fuck. I need something better, alongside more water.
She sighed and walked to her dresser, ready to throw something on so she could rush to the cafeteria.
Since the funeral, Max has had a lot more eyes on her, just due to her involvement with the shooting. The sudden interest had unnerved her - even the most basic forms of attention rose anxiety from her gut. Now it was tenfold. It didn't matter how supportive many were. They would just Not. Go. Away.
Max threw on jeans, a white shirt with some candles or some shit pictured on it and her hoodie. It was quite chilly, so she zipped it up. Max grabbed her bag and phone and set off to the cafeteria with all preparations made.
After making sure she didn't catch sight of the girl's bathroom, she got to the cafeteria and when she walked in, she was just on time. Being at the back of the line and out of sight, Max thanked the universe. Mostly.
"Hey Max."
Max turned and saw Dana walk up behind her with a bright smile.
"Hey," Max gave a small smile, feeling her heart reach her throat. She saw her open her mouth to say something.
Probably "How are you feeling?" or "How're you holding up Max?"
But Dana stopped herself, and said something else.
"The sunset was really beautiful last night. Did you see it?"
"Yeah… It was nice. I- uh… I saw it through my window," Max felt her face heat up.
Calmthefuckdownnow.
"Yeah. Did you get a picture of it? I'm not a photographer but that seems right up your alley," she gave a toothy grin.
"Uh… Yeah. I did, it was really cool. The lighting was perfect for… yeah," Max fumbled, suppressing the urge to run away from the most basic of conversations.
God this is pathetic.
Dana, instead of looking confused, played dumb and smiled. Max was sure she saw through her lie.
Jesus. ‘Just act like nothing happened because you might make the crazy girl go off!’
Just as Max was about to turn and wait in silence for the line to move along, Dana spoke again.
"Oh, also, Warren texted me to ask you about the flash drive. He said it's no biggie if you lost it."
"Why didn't he text me?"
"I dunno," Dana shrugged.
"I'm gonna get it to him today, let him know that if he texts you instead of me… or whatever," Max trailed off.
"Oh yeah I'll let him know if he asks again," she said simply, and since Max couldn't hold a basic conversation these days for the life of her, it was left at that.
Why didn't he just text me? He doesn't need to play ‘telephone.’
Ha. Ha. Very funny Max.
He probably doesn't want to get sucked into your depressive episodes that you spring on all of your friends after they ask the courteous question of "How are you doing?" Wow Max. Warren even asking for a simple flash drive could have the chance of you dumping all your emotional baggage on them. Way to go, "Super Max."
"Max," Dana muttered, causing her to jolt out of her thoughts. "The line."
Max realized she hadn't been moving the line along, and Max hadn't noticed that Dana had more people waiting behind her. She went forward and kept her thoughts at bay, simply focusing on the task at hand. Tray. Fork. Mac N Cheese. Napkin.
Max eyed a table by the window for a few seconds, but felt a tap on her shoulder. She jumped and looked at Dana.
"C'mon, sit with us," She motioned her head with a smile towards the group's table. There sat Kate, Warren, Brooke, Trevor and Juliet. Kate and Warren smiled at her, motioning her to come over.
Fuckfuckfuckfuck.
Max walked with Dana, trying to ignore some of the glances and stares from other tables.
"Max," Kate smiled, scooting over so she could sit by her. Max sat down, and Dana took the edge of the seat by Warren and across from Trevor, though Max, Kate, Dana and Warren didn't take much room up anyways.
"Hey guys, uh… How's it going?" Max tried to initiate.
"Well, your friend Warren here thinks that if aliens were to hypothetically come in contact with us, we shouldn't treat them as human," Juliet said, crossing her arms.
"Not at all what I'm saying Juliet. I'm just saying humanity should look out for itself! Nothing wrong with that. Diplomacy between us and them can be totally chill, but we should always remind ourselves that literal outer space aliens are not human," Warren responded in kind.
Seems they're having a philosophical debate about sci-fi. Sounds like the type of debate Warren would want to have.
Max stared down at her food, not even taking a bite.
Jeez… I remember when Chloe and I would "fight" aliens or something as space pirates. I think it was droids? Oh yeah! I was Jedi Long Max Silver since I wanted to be a Jedi for a while, teamed up with Captain Bluebeard… God that felt like a thousand years ago.
"Max?" Kate whispered, tapping her shoulder lightly. Max snapped out of it, looking over to Kate who had a concerned look on her face.
"... again, Juliet, it's human rights for a reason," Warren looked smug with his counterargument. Max began to slowly eat her Mac N Cheese so as to not look like a pig. Despite wanting to scarf down the whole meal.
"Then let's agree to disagree, Warren. I think you just don't care about sentient life," she turned her head away.
"I just place human life above all others. I think it's natural," Warren said as he took a bite into his burger.
“Are normal people more important?” Max spoke up, “like individuals.”
Everyone was silent for a few seconds.
“Well… Everyone is equally valuable Max,” Kate responded.
“Yeah. Right. Sorry,” Max said quickly, going back to eating.