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felix is stupid.
actually scratch that, he’s an idiot.
the stupidest, most idiotic person to ever live.
right now, he is standing outside hyunjin’s apartment door, contemplating whether he should knock or leave.
unsurprisingly, he did the most felix thing he could ever do.
he immediately turned on the ‘do not disturb’ option on his phone after sending what should have been his speech in real life on iMessage.
what did he do, you may ask? well, let’s just say that he knew well enough that if he actually went through his original plan of talking to hyunjin in person and actually having a conversation with the older and seeing hyunjin’s reaction and all, he would absolutely take it all back in a heartbeat.
because that’s just the type of person he is. he loves love. and for him, love is hyunjin. he also loves giving love to people just because he believes that everyone deserves love.
but he’s also afraid of love, he’s afraid that he will become too much too quickly and that the immense amount of love he has on his heart, the love he wants to give will be too much for them and that he might overdo it like always.
as much as he gives love to others, he can’t seem to do the same thing for himself. that’s probably why most of his relationships end (most don’t even begin because of it).
to clear his head and do what he does best, he runs away. and that’s how he ended up on the rooftop of seungmin’s apartment building.
it was cold, which was fitting considering the fact that he technically just completely cut off his best friend in the whole world from his life.
and he did it through text.
call him immature or childish but telling hyunjin right to his face is the last thing that felix would ever want to do. so he did the next alternative, not his best idea but can you blame him? he’s confused and lost and he just wants to be free from all the thoughts that are taking over his brain.
as the cold air enveloped him, he suddenly felt the need to cry. he doesn’t cry, he physically hasn't cried in ages.
but right there, at that very moment, he felt tears falling down, an evidence of his reckless and frankly, poorly executed life choices.
“hey lix,”
felix was startled. he didn’t expect to see anyone, especially not changbin.
“hyung, what are you doing here?”
“i should be the one asking you that. what are you doing here?”
“how did you know that i was here?” felix asked, finally looking at the older who was slowly making his way next to felix.
“the security called, said that you came here for seungmin and that there was an emergency. didn’t know that there was an emergency in seungmin’s place, thought i would have known considering i was there the whole time,” changbin said in a joking manner.
“sorry about that, i didn’t know they would wake you guys up. just needed a place to go to and think,”
“oh no, we weren’t sleeping so you didn’t wake us up. so now, tell me what’s going on? i’m here if you want to talk about it.”
changbin has always been that friend that looks after you from afar. he’s never vocal about his feelings but always makes sure that you feel loved. and for that he’s really thankful for changbin.
with tears still flowing from his eyes, he told changbin everything.
from him being in love with his best friend to cutting him off through iMessage.
“wow. i don’t know what to say, lix.” changbin said, deep in thought.
“wow. you’re really bad at this, hyung.”
felix chuckled, he finds it amusing how changbin always knows exactly what to say but somehow he’s tongue tied now. he must have really fucked up, felix thought.
silence.
he looks at the older, still in deep thought.
“why didn’t you talk to him? why did you think you had the right to decide for him?”
felix was taken aback by changbin’s questions. he thought about what to answer.
“because i’m a coward. and i don’t, i know i don’t have the right to decide for him. i also know that i have to talk to him and let him talk as well. what i did was really unfair to him but you have to understand hyung, i didn’t do what i did with the intention of hurting him. i did what i did because i’m tired of being hurt, i’m tired of pretending i’m okay every time i see him with someone else, i’m tired of hearing his stories about his crushes and how happy he is because of them, not because i don’t like it when he’s happy but because his happiness brings me pain. i know i seem selfish but i’m also human, i’m allowed to make bad decisions because i’m not fucking perfect. up until this point i’ve done nothing else but support him in everything, even if it hurts me. i’m not blaming him though, i could never. i just need to do this for myself, i just want to be happy or at the very least, i just want the pain to stop. does that make me a bad person? is that selfish? is that too much to ask?”
“lix, you aren’t selfish for wanting what’s best for yourself. but the problem is that you should have talked to hyunjin, that’s it. there’s nothing wrong with cutting people off if it will bring you peace and happiness. just talk to him, he deserves at least that. you’re a good person, lix. making bad decisions doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human.” he then felt changbin slowly pulling him for a side hug, felix only nodded while heavily sobbing onto changbin’s shoulder.
“hey felix,”
felix knew that voice, he loves that voice.
“lix, we need to talk,” said hyunjin while slowly making his way near felix.
“i know,”