Work Text:
It was their last day at the dorms, as they had already graduated last week, and likewise, everyone was packing up.
Ready to move on.
Tenko didn’t really need to pack much. She didn’t have many belongings, only what she truly needed to live, as getting attached to things wouldn’t do her any good. And thanks to their academy providing much of their daily wares, it was only enough to fill a backpack.
She received a phone call. It was her mother’s…
"Sweetie... It's ok if you decide to go with us… Or if you want to stay here and go to college-"
But Tenko didn't want her parents to keep supporting her, even from abroad, since living costs wouldn't be cheap there. And college… What would she even do, if she got into one? She can’t think of anything she’d like to study in them. And she couldn’t go with her parents because she knew it was likely that if she did, they would get their visa denied, she’d never allow herself to be what took them away from their dream life.
“It’s ok, Tenko will live in the temple!”
"You don't need to push yourself if you don't feel you're ready. We can pay your rent!"
"But Tenko wants to reach enlightenment!"
"...Don't you want to experience life a bit before that? You're so young ... You never dated anyone or-"
"...Mom... No one would want to be with Tenko... Thinking otherwise would only make Tenko suffer more."
"Please, think about this carefully. You still have time. Don't you really have anyone you love? You could try to confess to them... I'm sure someone as lovely as you would be able to win anyone's heart."
At that she turned off the call. She sighed, truly wishing that was true. She knew that she’d have more success with her other goal, the one that conflicted with her selfish desires.
She had always thought Monks were cool. Especially since the ones she knew were so great at controlling their emotions, like her master. At keeping them leashed. So unlike her.
That was why she was sent to them in the first place.
She felt too much. Too intensely. She couldn't control herself. She hated it, because it made everyone hate her. She wished she didn't feel things many times.
But not only they taught her that there was nothing wrong with feeling things, they also helped her to get better at dealing with them, becoming the calm and composed person she is today.
People could even stand conversations with her now!
She owed everything she had to them.
They gave her a chance. When no one else would. And that place was her world.
The only place she was treated as someone with value and not as a mere nuisance.
So if she was able to help others like she was helped… She wouldn’t hesitate to do it. Even if it had a heavy price.
Yumeno felt alone.
Everyone she knew was leaving, but what bothered her the most was that Angie was going back to her country. And likely, she’d never see her that much again. Even if she put inmany tours, the most she could do was to travel to her country and stay for a while. She wouldn’t be able to see her daily anymore.
And that was terrifying. The artist had become a vital presence for her, being so important in helping her set her shows and just. Being there for her when she needed it, a comforting presence that always lighted her days for a bit.
She sighed. Her boxes were neatly packed up - thanks to Tojo’s help, of course - and the courier was going to pick them up soon to send them to her place.
It was unlikely she’d see any of her friends again, and that bothered her too. She got so used to them she couldn’t picture how her future would even be in their absence.
Well. There is someone that likely wouldn’t leave her… And while she was not a bad person, and grew up a bit on her these past few years, she was still way too much for Himiko to handle on her own.
But Yumeno felt extremely lonely now. And... The aikido master surely would enjoy her presence. She wanted to feel loved now, because even if she got overwhelmed, at least, she wouldn’t feel alone.
She knocked at her door, in hope she still hadn’t left their dorms. And thankfully, she was there.
“Yumeno-san… What brings you here?”
“I felt alone…”
“Do you want Tenko to help you with that?”
She nodded.
Tenko clumsily wrapped her in a hug and she, for the first time in all these years they had met each other, returned it.
“...So… What are your plans for the future?”
“Nyeh… Putting on magic show tours, of course.”
“Tenko knows they will be the best!”
“Of course they will.” Himiko replied with an annoyed tone, and thanks to that, there was an awkward silence that lasted a few minutes until Tenko decided to break it with some other subject.
“What are your plans for today, then?”
“Don’t have any.”
“But Yonaga-san is leaving today, right? Aren’t you seeing her off?” At that the mage gripped the aikidoka even tighter and didn’t reply. Tenko felt that pressing her on that wouldn’t be a good idea and tried to find another subject, but to her surprise, it was Himiko that spoke.
“...Hey, Tenko… Do you want to date me?”
It was Tenko's chance to try and get the mage's affection over, the day she had dreamed off for ages.
She was clearly as touch starved as Tenko, and hadn’t yet brushed off her hug, only dug into it deeper. And even after Tenko tried to break off the hug herself, she didn’t want to let go.
But it was clearer than any day that Yumeno was never happy around her, even when she tried her hardest to comfort her. And was always gleaming near Angie. That she enjoyed her presence way, way more than she ever enjoyed the martial artist's.
After all, the artist helped her a lot, in many more ways that Tenko with her martial arts would ever be able to. And the realization of that always flared some of Tenko's worst feelings up. Jealousy, envy, anger...
Even now, she only was with Tenko because she had no one else to go to. And it broke her heart to see her in that awful state of denying herself of her own feelings, keeping her tears locked. And that hug... Didn't feel good at all.
That question was a tricky one. Of course she wanted to date Yumeno. But at the same time, she knew that if they were to stay together, Yumeno wouldn’t be able to shine. She never did, not by her side.
And, Tenko didn’t want that. She didn’t want to be a choice made out of lack of hope. A choice because there was nothing better. She loved Yumeno because her shine was what lighted her days.
They were… Not meant to be.
“Nyeh… Well, even if you didn’t reply, I know you want it… So, let’s date-”
“Why?”
“Nyeh?”
“...Why are you asking Tenko that? Tenko can feel that you don’t want it.”
“I don’t want to be alone… So…”
“Yumeno-san… Regardless of her feelings, Tenko has accepted long ago that you don’t love her. And she wants you to stay with the one you love.”
“But- I will never be able to be by the side of-”
At that, something inside of Tenko snapped. She’d do whatever it took to get Yumeno to voice out her own feelings. Even if that meant she ended up being hated. Forcefully breaking out of the hug, she picked Yumeno’s hand and pulled her.
“Nyeh? Where are we going?”
“You can't let her go without at least telling her how you feel! We can still get to the airport in time!”
“I can't confess! Things could get weird…”
“You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't! You might not ever see her again!”
“But-I’m not strong enough!”
“Don't worry Yumeno-san! Tenko will back you up until you don't need Tenko anymore!”
And while Tenko knew that Yumeno never needed her, at this moment, she was the only one able to do something for her, so she’d do it.
“We won't get there in time, it’s pointless.” Yumeno sighed as she let herself be carried over. “We won't know until we try!”
Tenko paid for the metro tickets and rushed through the crowded metal shell, each minute was vital now.
The station still was a bit far from the airport boarding area itself so Tenko picked up a rental bike and rode it as fast as she could.
It likely was illegal to pedal on a bike at such a high speed and two people aboard it. But Tenko didn't care about legality for now, there was something much more important than that at risk.
When they reached the boarding area, there was still a problem. There was a line crowding over the entrance and they wouldn’t be able to make it on time.
Turns out, martial arts would be of use for Yumeno in a way. Even if not in a way that would make her happy. And likely, would make the aikido master be hated.
Tenko braced herself. Picked Yumeno up, and, after apologizing to a confused Yumeno, did something that likely would be the only way she'd be able to reach that place in time. Thankfully, her aim was great, with the thrown mage landing at a soft mat.
“Nyeh! My butt!” Himiko complained once she realized what had just happened. “Tenko! I will put you in the most heinous hexes I know when I see you back!"
But, she was thankful that she had a chance to see Angie one last time. She rushed off as she found her.
“Himiko? So you came! Just like god told me! Do you want to send him some prayers before I leave?”
“Angie! I-I don't want your god! I want you! I love you!”
And at that, she hugged the artist, and, surprisingly, was kissed, which she gladly returned. They intertwined their fingers, and when they finally parted, Angie was the first to speak.
“...Looks like my flight was canceled.” Yumeno looked at the display and saw no canceled flights, but- she didn’t care about the details now. She was glad that she was with Angie.
“So… What are we going to do now?”
“Hm, once we get a new flight, you could go live on my island!”
“...Can’t you stay here with me?”
“I’ll ask god. But… He said that we at least need to do a check up on his devotees!”
Ah. Maybe Angie was the one that wanted to visit her family and friends… Well, Himiko couldn’t blame her.
After she threw Yumeno and saw she went after Yonaga, Tenko slowly returned the bike to the rental park, collapsing to the ground once she reached the place to rest for a bit.
It hadn't dawned on her just how much of her stamina it actually took to be able to pull that.
"Chabashira-san?" She had recognized the silhouettes, why of all people, it had to be them?
"...Shinguuji-san... Amami-san..." She sat up to talk with them.
"...You pedalled all the way here?" Tenko nodded. "I... Am going to get you something to drink, wait a second!" And at that the green haired boy left the place.
"...That must have hurt."
"...It did."
"...I was not referring only to physical pain. We saw you with Yumeno earlier, when we were returning after we parted with Yonaga."
Tenko took a while to think about that, because honestly, she didn’t feel bad at all.
Maybe she had already cried too much about this? So much that her heart had no tears left.
The mage had always been her weakness. Her doubt. Her only reason she hesitated to move on to her ideal life. The only reason she had questioned if that life was so ideal in the first place. After all... She wanted to be her wife.
She had suffered a lot to get to that place.
But, slowly, all pieces fell into their places.
Maybe Tenko had to go through all that suffering to be able to understand what her goal truly was.
After all, she failed to understand what really was entailed in her original plan at first. It was childish to think that becoming a monk or reaching enlightenment would be easy when all monks had warned her about the sacrifices and how hard it actually was.
How there was nothing wrong with wanting to live like most humans, and that she didn't need to become a monk as well.
On how you should think deeply before trying to seek enlightenment.
She had suffered so much when she thought of her unrequited feelings. And once she truly gave up on them and accepted what was better for the one she loved… And she saw her smile once again…
It didn't hurt anymore.
And maybe she was a bit closer to enlightenment than she was a few hours ago.
After all… Isn't it about letting go of your selfish desires, as those made you suffer in the first place?
To cease to be able to feel suffering, you have to sacrifice your idea of happiness as well. And accept nothing is permanent.
It is only because she had been seduced by the idea of happiness, that small fire that burned that wick and lighted her days, that her suffering had grown so big. And once she let go of that, had blown away that lit candle, the shadows that it brought - the suffering and all doubts - also waned, until she couldn’t feel them anymore.
She realized Shinguuji was still waiting for a reply.
"Ah... that's...Well. Less than Tenko expected. She... Feels a bit free now."
"Free?" Shinguuji was surprised at the response. Yet, it was quite an intriguing one.
"...Tenko... is going to live at the temple so she did have to choose between her beliefs and her heart. Knowing that she had no chance from the beginning, helps her heart accept her resignation better."
"...I see. Then, I believe this means that they don't let one have relationships at your temple?"
"...For those that want to reach enlightenment, no."
"And do you?"
"...Tenko... Had some doubts for a while but she does want it.”
And if it's for the better good, like what she did just now... She thinks it won't be that bad. Her suffering... Is nothing next to their happiness. And, a different type of happiness emerged once she let go of that as well, even if not the one her heart would have chosen.
"...But what about your other wishes?"
"If Tenko’s wishes would make others sad... She wouldn't really be able to be happy in the end."
"...So, you think your happiness is unachievable?"
She nodded.
“The one she desires at least. But, there are many ways to be happy in the end…”
She felt something cold be pressed on her shoulder.
"The machine only had green tea so, I hope you don't mind it-" Amami had returned,
"It's fine. Thanks."
As she drank it, she thought of her future.
First, she’d need to cut all her earthly chains...
So she's likely going to isolate herself in a mountain, and go through training regimens that she had never gone through, like fasting.
If she trained her body and mind even more, maybe one day she’ll be able to let go of the beast that gnaws at her from inside.
"Well. Then, Tenko is leaving now, goodbye, Shinguuji-san. Amami-san. Thank you for the drink. And for the talk."
"Wait. Aren't you going to give them a goodbye?” Amami asks, a bit confused.
"...They're better off without Tenko."
"...I believe that if you truly go through the route of seeking enlightenment, you might not be able to see them anymore. Are you sure you don’t have any last message to convey to them?"
Shinguuji had a point. It would also be selfish to leave without giving a goodbye.
Tenko thought for a while and wrote a quick text on her phone and handed it to Amami.
"...Can you relay this to them? They know the password so they'll be able to read it like that."
"...Sure. We’ll be staying here for a while..."
And at that, Chabashira rushed down the metro station.
“Nyeh? Where is Tenko? Why are you with her phone?”
“Don't worry, she left it with me so I could relay you this message, with her blessings to you two.”
Yumeno read through her message, and for the first time in what felt like forever, she cried.
“I ...Wasn't actually ... Going to curse her...” It was clear from her message that Tenko thought Himiko hated her. But… She never did. And, this whole enlightenment thing… In which she’d have to isolate herself from the world… Yumeno would never be able to understand that. “...Why... does this message… Feel so ominous…” But worse than that, was that she would not be able to thank her, or maybe see her again.
“...Well… I'm sure she will be ok, she has god's blessing…”
Himiko had judged Tenko mostly wrong up until now. She had always thought she was not the easiest person to deal with… But honestly, right now, she couldn't help but wish that she had the chance to see her again, because that didn’t mean she was someone she didn’t want to be close with. Yumeno always thought she exaggerated too much when she said they were best friends.
But... Now she thinks that, maybe that statement was way more truthful than she took it for. She truly felt that she had lost her best friend, even if she hadn’t valued her much when she was there.
“That… Liar... She told me she'd back me up until I didn't need her anymore…”
Angie embraced her tightly. God had told her that Yumeno would need her, and that’s why she couldn’t leave yet after all, so even if she still had the time to board the plane, she surely couldn’t leave her girlfriend to deal with this alone.
“Have you left all your belongings behind?”
“Yes.”
“Are you willing to leave your emotions and your appearance behind as well?”
“Yes.”
“This is a harsh life. We don't have any luxuries. Are you really sure this is what you want?”
“Yes.” Tenko was determined to see this through.
“Very well.”
Tenko knew very well that she would have to shave her hair.
It was an important step of letting go of her ego and was the final part of letting go of material attachments.
With each lock that fell to the ground, she felt as if a heavy burden was lifted.
Until there wasn't anything to weigh her down anymore.