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“Doctor, you’re finally here.”
Amiya was smiling. Dr. Kal’tsit, however, was not.
“Yes, yes, you’re finally here,” said Kal’tsit, “and not a moment too soon. I was beginning to think that you had slipped and knocked yourself out. It would be the best excuse for why you kept us waiting for so long, Doctor. In the future, it would behoove you to arrive at these meetings on time, to say nothing of how impolite it is to keep us waiting.”
Amiya winced. Blaze rolled her eyes, sticking her tongue out at Dr. Kal’tsit behind her back. Nonetheless, the Doctor was now here, and thus, they could commence with planning.
“Now then… as I was just saying,” said Dr. Kal’tsit, “for this operation, I’ve decided to allow elite operator Blaze to serve as pointman,” she explained, and the Doctor was already unsubscribing from this conversation. It would all work out in the end, he figured. With Blaze at the helm, and underneath his command, there was nothing they couldn’t overcome. Dr. Kal’tsit was just providing… flavor text, he figured. And it was a flavor text as unsavory as ever.
“...and then BAM!” Blaze punched her open palm. “We’re in the money, baby!”
“Yes, well,” Dr. Kal’tsit’s expression remained neutral. “Let’s take care to minimize casualties, same as always. Despite the fact that I’m delegating you to the role of squad leader and pointman, Blaze, I would really appreciate it if you could keep your theatrics to a minimum. It’s advantageous for an operator with your prowess to take charge in this particular operation. Moreover, I believe this is a wonderful chance for operator Popukar to watch you from her own position at the rear, so that she may learn how to better control herself and her own weapon. The last time we assigned Popukar and the rest of Op Team A6 to an assignment, I’m sure you’ll remember that it didn’t go so smoothly. As a matter of fact, it went about as coarsely as I had initially suspected. Unfortunately, Amiya assured me that all would be well, and I allowed myself to get careless just this once when it came to the planning phase of that operation. Thankfully, operators Orchid and Midnight should be coming out of infirmary at the beginning of next month. With Dr. Folinic watching over them, they’re in good hands. So yes, Blaze, I am expecting you to keep a close eye on Popukar during this operation. This world waits for no one, and despite her age, she ought to have a better understanding of the kinds of operations that she may be a part of in the near future. I want updates every time you reach a new point in the operation, with the exception of Delta point. When you reach Delta, I want you to get in contact with Dr. Silence, who will be serving as the primary medic for this mission. The reason she is serving as the primary medic for this mission is twofold — this was her direct request, and the mission does involve the theft of some Rhine Lab proprietary equipment. It would bolster both them, and Rhodes Island, if we can recover this equipment posthaste. Dr. Silence will provide you with a brief overview of what the equipment looks like in particular, however as I understand it, the device is quite unwieldy, and it seems to be related to the consumption of Arts within the human body. That is to say, I have reason to suspect—”
Doctor reached out and cupped Dr. Kal’tsit by the chin.
Nobody moves.
Amiya’s eyes go wide as saucers. Blaze’s jaw nearly hits the floor between her feet. Her lips curl into a smile. But Dr. Kal’tsit is not smiling.
As a matter of fact, Dr. Kal’tsit is pretty fucking far from smiling.
“Doctor,” says Kal’tsit, doing her very best to keep her voice low, and even, “what are you doing.” It didn’t even sound like a question.
“Good kitty,” says Doctor, and Blaze begins to cackle. The Doctor moves his gloved fingers back and forth, gently scratching beneath Kal’tsit’s chin. The lime-colored Feline is less than amused. If looks could kill, then Kal’tsit was packing a gatling gun.
“You must have a death wish,” she said simply. The room darkened somehow, as did Kal’tsit’s visage. The air grew heavy with tension, and there was a low grumble emanating from somewhere in the room.
“D-Doctor, stop!” Amiya put her hands up, like she was caught at gunpoint. “You don’t know what you’re doing! Doctor, stop p-petting Dr. Kal’tsit!”
Doctor did not stop petting Dr. Kal’tsit.
He spent the rest of the day in the infirmary.
Warfarin plucks the suction cups from Dr. Kal’tsit’s forehead. The Vampire Sarkaz smiles wryly, tapping her medical chart with a ballpoint pen. “Your vitals are normal, Dr. Kal’tsit,” said Warfarin, “same as always.”
“I hope you aren’t suggesting that we allow ourselves to become complacent,” said Dr. Kal’tsit, and Warfarin shook her head.
“Not at all. I just wanted to give you the good news. Again,” said the vampire.
“But of course. If I could self-diagnose myself and call it a day, then I wouldn’t have to bother you with this sort of thing.”
“Come now, Dr. Kal’tsit. It’s never a bothe—”
“But you and I both know that it’s always good to get a second opinion, especially when it comes to oneself. It’s no secret that the mind is incredibly biased towards itself; loves itself. Not even I am free of this folly.”
“Yes, well…” Warfarin paused. “You’re—”
“As a matter of fact,” said Kal’tsit, “I can remember the very first time that I had tasked Dr. Folinic with diagnosing us both, simply for curiosity’s sake. Perhaps surprisingly, she had diagnosed herself with a disease that she did not even have, on behalf of just a few symptoms. That woman is quite the outlier when it comes to most medicinal pitfalls. I find myself surprised quite often with just how diligent she can be, which is a problem in and of itself. She’s a workaholic, completely unlike you and Closure.”
“What? Hey! How can you—” Warfarin sighs as Kal’tsit keeps talking.
“Don’t take it the wrong way. I’m simply saying that her willingness to work is an issue, and it’s one that we should all be aware of when it comes to handling her. She is due for a checkup as well, is she not?”
Warfarin shrugged. “I think so? But—”
“Very good. I’d like to be here when you commence the checkup. I’m curious to see how she reacts beneath your scrutiny. Were that I could split myself between all departments of Rhodes Island, I would, Warfarin, you know that. However, before and after Dr. Folinic’s medical checkup, I am assisting Closure with inspecting the starboard side of the landship. There was some kind of pressure-related incident that occurred down in maintenance, and it’s got her all frazzled like I’ve never seen before.”
“Kal’tsit,” said Warfarin.
“Closure is another problem worker, always putting the brunt of her focus on all the wrong aspects of the landship. Only when there is some emergency does she seem to perk up and remember that she’s a landship mechanic first and foremost, at least as far as Rhodes Island is concerned. Oh, sure, she fancies herself a hacker and computer whiz, but she ought to not forget just how important she is to the landship as a whole. Without her, I’m saddened to say that various structures on Rhodes Island would quite simply cease to function. That reminds me, I ought to consult her for instructions on how to read my emails on my phone. I’m afraid I can’t make heads or tails of this stupid—”
In that moment, the Rhodes Island tactician himself, our beloved Doctor, cupped Kal’tsit by the chin and gave it a ferocious little rub.
Dr. Kal’tsit’s eyes go wide, and she grits her teeth. “Of course,” she says, bitterly, “it’s you again, with more of this nonsense.” As the hooded Doctor scratches and rubs beneath the Feline’s chin, she can only glare at Warfarin. “Explain to me, right now, why you didn’t tell me he was coming in.”
“I tried to tell you, but you just kept rambling!” Warfarin scoffed, crossing her arms. “Hi, Doctor. What are you doing to Dr. Kal’tsit?”
“I’m petting her,” said Doctor, “because she’s a good kitty cat.”
“Ha. That’s cute.” The vampire smiled playfully, widely enough to show her fangs. “You’ve got some brass balls, Doctor. I hear the last guy that tried to do something like that to Kal’tsit got sent to the infirmary.”
“That was me, actually.”
“That was you?”
“It was literally me.”
“Ha ha ha.”
“Doctor,” Kal’tsit glared daggers at the hooded commander. “Remove your hand from my chin at once.”
“Nuh-uh,” said Doctor.
“What is this? What is this foolishness you’re displaying? Stop this at once,” Kal’tsit ordered. And it was an order that went wholly unfollowed.
“Why, Kal’tsit,” said Warfarin, squinting and leaning in closer, while Doctor held the Feline by the chinny-chin-chin, “are you blushing?”
“I am most certainly NOT blushing!” Kal’tsit growled. “How fortunate that you’ve got a pen, Warfarin. If this goes on for much longer, you’ll both be signing your own death warrants.”
“Cute kitty,” was Doctor’s only response.
“Maybe I should pet her ears?” Warfarin offered, before putting her hand on top of Kal’tsit’s fuzzy head.
They spent the next few days in the emergency room for that one.
“Dr. Silence, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” said Dr. Kal’tsit, before turning to shake the hand of the tall Vouivre beside her. “And Saria, of course. Your presence on the landship is always welcome, and I can only hope that we make that as apparent as we can whenever we touch base.”
“Of course,” Dr. Silence adjusted her round frames, giving a near-silent yawn. “Perhaps just once, we’ll have one of these discussions in the evening. As you know, I’m not the best with morning meetings.”
“And risk Dr. Kal’tsit missing the sound of your adorable yawning?” Saria, the aforementioned Vouivre, didn’t smile despite her little jest.
“Oh? Do you find my yawning amusing, Saria?” Silence narrowed her eyes at her taller colleague, tilting her head to meet the other’s lingering gaze.
“I’m worried you’re coming off as rude to Dr. Kal’tsit,” Saria replied, shaking her head solemnly. Kal’tsit, to her credit, assuaged both their worries.
“I’m aware of Dr. Silence’s condition,” said the Kal’tsit, “so I’d like for you to trust me when I tell you that it’s certainly no trouble. Dr. Silence’s bouts of narcolepsy are kept in mind whenever I initiate gatherings like this. However, rest assured, this is really the best time for us to be speaking today. You’ll be pleased to know that progress with Ifrit is coming along quite smoothly.”
“I wish that I could keep track of her much more often,” Silence lamented, with another quiet little yawn. She swayed gently to and fro as she stood between Kal’tsit and her ex(-colleague), and anyone else might think that Silence had outright fallen asleep right then and there.
“We have our responsibilities here, to Rhodes Island,” Saria added, “which does not always involve… keeping an eye on Ifrit, as much as we might want to ensure that she’s getting along well with the others. And keeping her fires constrained to the battlefield.”
“The battlefield…” Silence perks up slightly, and she frowns deeply. “Dr. Kal’tsit, I would like to put in a formal request that Saria and I—”
“Just a moment.” Dr. Kal’tsit put her hand up to silence, well, Silence. “Do you feel that?”
“Hm?” Silence looked around, as did Saria. “Is something the matter, Dr. Kal’tsit?”
Kal’tsit turned around, finding no one directly behind her.
“Mm. How curious. For a moment, I thought that…”
And when Kal’tsit turns back around, there’s a hand immediately beneath her chin, causing her to hiss aloud.
“God fucking damn it,” says Dr. Kal’tsit. Just like she suspected, there he was again, doing this bullshit. The Doctor of Rhodes Island, the hooded tactician, scritch-scratching beneath her chin like she was some kind of house pet.
“Oh my goodness.” Silence gawked at the scene before her, taking off her glasses to clean them. “Am I seeing this right? Dr. Kal’tsit, are you and the Doctor…?”
“We are nothing like you may be implying,” said Kal’tsit, keeping her chin raised while the Doctor continued to pet her and scratch her, “this is simply what he does now, whenever he sees me. It’s quite infuriating, and I wish he would stop.”
“So move away?” Saria smiled at the sight. She knew what was up.
“I’ve tried leaving, I’ve tried incapacitating him, and I’ve tried outright maiming. I’ve tried everything. I think perhaps at this point I should just suffer until he’s satisfied, and leaves,” says Kal’tsit, glaring straight at the Doctor. “Do you hear me, Doctor? Do you understand just how much I loathe this, and loathe you?”
“Good kitty,” said Doctor, chuckling behind his mask, “good, good kitty cat.”
“So that’s how Doctor placates her?” Saria hums in thought, before looking directly at Silence. Silence raised an eyebrow.
“What are you looking at?” The Liberi asked. “What are you thinking?”
“Nothing, oh nothing…”
And then Saria lifted her hand.
…
…
…and put it beneath Silence’s little chin, where she then started giving her a little scratch. Silence didn’t move away. As a matter of fact, she leaned in a little bit closer.
“Ah… that feels… quite good, actually,” Silence mumbled.
“Does it now? Hmm…” Saria looked over at Doctor, who was scratching beneath a fuming Kal’tsit’s chin. With his free hand, Doctor wordlessly gave Saria a thumbs-up.
She gave him a thumbs-up, too.
“So everything is okay?” Popukar asked. And Dr. Kal’tsit nodded.
“Everything is okay, Popukar,” Kal’tsit assured. “But you should never, under any circumstances, remove your eye patch. It’s of the utmost importance that you never break this rule, is that understood?”
“It would be… extremely dangerous,” Amiya added, patting little Popukar over the head. She worried for her fellow Infected Cautus of course; Popukar was typically under the care of many different Rhodes Island medical personnel.
“Yes… I understand!” Popukar replied, nodding slowly. Her uncovered eye flicked over to someone entering the room, and Popukar smiled for the first time that day. “Hi, Doctor.”
Kal’tsit sighed, and hung her head low. Then she turned around, and sure enough, there was the Doctor again, with his hands behind his back.
“Wonderful. Time to get this over with,” said Kal’tsit.
Resigning herself to her fate, Kal’tsit jutted out her chin, and simply closed her eyes. She waited for the scratches to come. She waited, and waited, and waited…
But the scratches never came.
So Kal’tsit opened her eyes, just in time to see Doctor patting Popukar over the head. “Good afternoon, Popukar. I brought you something.”
“You did?” Popukar gasped once she saw Doctor hold up one of her favorite candies, and she took it gleefully. “Oh, thank you so much, Doctor!”
“Of course, little one. Thank you for working so hard.”
Then the Doctor looked at Kal’tsit, and she could practically feel him smiling at her behind his mask. “Did you need something, Kal’tsit?”
She only glared at him. But for the first time in a long time, Kal’tsit said nothing.
“Kal’tsit! It’s 4 p.m.!”
“No it’s not.”
“Time for the good kitty to get her scritch-scratches!”
“No it’s not!”
And so it went.
Amiya sat back, utterly mortified, while Kal’tsit vainly beat Doctor away with a rolled-up newspaper. The Doctor, to his credit, had grown resilient since he had taken his first steps beyond the incident in Chernobog. He’d grown strong, physically and mentally, and… frankly a little ridiculous, too. However, Amiya loved him all the same.
“Doctor, maybe you should scratch someone else’s chin?” Amiya asked, hopefully.
“No,” said the Doctor.
“Eh? You don’t want to scratch my chin, Doctor…?” Amiya’s mouth fell open, like she’d just been stabbed through the chest.
She spent the rest of the night crying.
“Here is the mission report you requested,” said Kal’tsit, narrowing her eyes at Doctor while she handed off the folder full of papers and photographs.
“Thank you, Kal’tsit,” said the Doctor. And he said nothing more.
Kal’tsit lingered for a moment, watching the Doctor closely. Scrutinizing him, from head to toe. She wondered just what he was planning. But with nothing more on the agenda, she simply turned around and started to exit the room.
“Kal’tsit,” said the Doctor.
And just like that, Kal’tsit came running back. “Yes, Doctor?”
He lifted his hand, expectantly. Kal’tsit rolled her eyes, before planting her chin right in his palm, staring straight at him. She was utterly stone-faced, like limestone, or perhaps marble.
“Good kitty,” Doctor praised.
“Mm… whatever you say, Doctor…”
“That Doctor… who does he think he is? He’s grown much bolder since his reawakening… if only I could piece together why?”
Dr. Kal’tsit was truly vexed. She hated nothing more than stumbling upon a problem that she couldn’t quite puzzle out. When the solution was just out of her reach… that annoyed her more than anything else in this world.
“To treat me like some household pet…” She realized that she was growling, and that the hairs on her arms were standing on end. “I’m letting him get to me. That’s really the brunt of the problem,” she mumbled to herself. “I should simply give in altogether, and… then once he sees how unaffected I am, he’ll back off once and for all.”
As if on cue, Kal’tsit looked into an open room and saw something that was all-too familiar at this point. Doctor’s open palm. It was as if he’d planned this, too, much to the Feline’s chagrin. She clenched her fists, before deciding to march right into the open room to take control of the situation once and for all. She would show him just how clearly unaffected and definitely-not-mad she was. She would show him!
Without saying a word, Dr. Kal’tsit planted her chin on Doctor’s open palm, smiling smugly as she nuzzled his hand and even threw in a bit of soft purring. Her tail swayed back and forth for good measure, while she kept her eyes closed and soothingly — lovingly — caressed Doctor’s fingers with her lips and her chin. “You don’t have to say it this time,” Kal’tsit boasted, “I know, I’m a good kitty. It’s me. It’s always been me!”
Dead silence. Not a word is spoken. The space around Kal’tsit grows heavy enough that she feels like she ought to open her eyes…
…and when she does, she sees a room full of operators staring straight at her. Some of them looked absolutely horrified. Some of them were holding back laughter. A few of her own colleagues — Folinic, Warfarin, Closure, Passenger — seemed to be somewhere in the middle. But everyone was watching Kal’tsit now, and not a single person said a single thing.
Except Doctor, who kept his palm closed gently around Kal’tsit’s chin now, front and center before a large presentation. “Good kitty,” he tells her, “can’t this wait until later?”
Kal’tsit’s ears bent down low, and her tail went absolutely slack. “H…hhhhuh?” No. This isn't happening. This was a nightmare. This was a nightmare and she was going to wake up at any moment. Right? Please?
“Huh?!” Kal’tsit didn’t even move her head. She simply let the Doctor keep scratching beneath her chin, as her face went red as a pepper. “Wait a moment, everyone, p-please… this is a misunderstanding! I thought—!”
“SNAP!” The Sarkaz W popped out of the crowd from the rear, and she took a picture. “This one’s going in the Rhodes Island Cringe Compilation, that’s for sure~!”
Kal’tsit had the camera dismantled for that one. Then Mon3tr dismantled W.
Because she’s terrible and has no manners, Dr. Kal’tsit opened the Doctor’s office door without knocking, pointing to the hallway behind her with her thumb.
Ptilopsis and Blue Poison immediately stopped in their tracks, ceasing whatever argument that the Doctor was caught in the middle of. “Out,” she told them, “I need to have a word with the Doctor, alone.”
The Doctor leaned back in his chair, watching as Ptilopsis wiped her lips, and Blue Poison took her slice of cake, before both girls exit the room through the door past Dr. Kal’tsit, who enters once they leave. Once again, she was narrowing her eyes at the Doctor of Rhodes Island, the tactician who had commanded oh-so many missions between his reawakening, and this very moment.
“Are you really going to make me ask?” Dr. Kal’tsit came up to the Doctor and put her hands on his desk. With her expression, one would be forgiven for thinking that Kal’tsit was trying to vaporize the Doctor, with something like heat vision. However, all that happens is that he merely lifts his hand, and like clockwork, Kal’tsit lays her chin in his open hand, scoffing haughtily at him.
“That’s more like it,” she mumbled.
“Good kitty?” Doctor asked.
“Hmph. Naturally,” replied Kal’tsit. “I dare you to think of a kitty better than myself. I believe you’ll find it to be… impossible, quite frankly. Indeed, from here to Ursus; beyond the gray crags, and the boundless oceans, and from this world’s highest peaks and lowest valleys, and the spaces in-between and the nooks unbeknownst, there exists no Feline with as much goodness as myself. I am simply… the goodest kitty.”
“Awww I know kitty. Sucha good little kitty,” Doctor cooed, and Kal’tsit’s tail swayed back and forth happily, while she nuzzled his palm and welcomed his gracious, generous touch.
“Stop slacking off and keep scratching,” she demanded. “Ah… right there, Doctor… and now the ears. You haven’t forgotten my ears, have you?”
Doctor most certainly did not forget the ears. With his opposite hand, Doctor reached up and carefully raked his fingers through Kal’tsit’s hair, scratching the base of her ears with his exploring digits, and letting his fingertips press firmly — but not too firmly! — against the Feline’s scalp, running his gloved hand alongside Kal’tsit’s left ear, and then her right ear, and then back and forth he went. Kal’tsit purred this time, tilting her head to the side while she basked in the attention that she most certainly deserved, because she’s hard-working and wonderful.
“You like being my good kitty?” Doctor asked, and Kal’tsit whined.
“I’ve had a long day, Doctor, and I could do without your patronization. I’m an adult, not some— ahh, my cheeks, too?” She opened her eyes halfway, staring at Doctor and blushing madly while she expected her new command to be obeyed outright. Were it so easy.
“What’s the passcode, kitty?” Doctor smiled behind his mask.
“Please?” Kal’tsit asked.
“Nuh-uh,” said Doctor.
“...pretty please?” asked Kal’tsit. The Doctor shook his head, and Kal’tsit whimpered without really meaning to. “Pretty please, Doctor… pretty please give your good kitty more scratches?” Her cheeks burned a bright red, and Kal’tsit screwed her eyes shut while she leaned in closer, lips quivering while she felt Doctor rub her cheeks and pat her wonderfully over the head, his touch like a special Arts in the way that it seemed to affect her now.
“Good kitty,” he repeated to her, causing a soft groan — or perhaps a comfortable moan? — to slip from the Feline’s lips.
“I hate you, Doctor,” she told him outright.
“How much do you hate me?” He asked.
“How much?” Kal’tsit thought for a moment, despite how hard it was to think when he was touching her like this. “If the word HATE was marked, in every single language of this world, upon every single grain of sand that covered it… then the desert of extreme enmity that one could make, from all that loathsome sand… would not even equal one-tenth of the outstanding resentment,” she slurred, “in size, that I feel for you, in this moment.”
“Then it’s not enough,” Doctor taunted, scratching Kal’tsit’s ears with both hands, feeling his fingers vibrate from the sheer strength of her purring. “Kitty want more?”
“Mm-hmm…” Kal’tsit leaned even closer, keeping her eyes closed in comfort, and she was drooling all over Doctor’s desk while she nuzzled his hands. “Kitty wants more…”
“Atta girl…”
“Holy fucking shit,” Blaze whispered, peeking into the room beside Amiya, “I’ve never seen a lion get tamed quite like that…”
“Doctor sure is something…” Amiya stared hard at the scene unfolding before her. “And Dr. Kal’tsit sure is lucky…”
“Amiya,” said Blaze, “are you jealous?”
“Jealous? Me? Don’t be silly. I don’t get jealous,” Amiya mumbled, gripping the door frame tightly enough to crack it. “I don’t.”
“Oooookay then…” Blaze smiled, patting the brunette Cautus over the head. “Don’t worry, I’m sure the Doctor will give you attention. You just need to get, umm… bigger. Doctor likes… big… girls.”
“He does?” Amiya smiled nervously. “You mean my height, right?”
Blaze gulped. She looked down at her own chest, and then Amiya’s, and then she looked away. But she could feel Amiya staring right at her.
“Y-you mean my height, r-right…?!”
“Did you hear something?” Kal’tsit asked.
“Just your purring,” Doctor teased.
“I’m not purring.”
“Aren’t you too old to be this bad at lying?”
“...I still hate you more than anything else.”
“There you go again, Kal.”
“What do you think you’re doing? Less talking, more scratching…!”
They spent the rest of the night together for this one…
