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Avery walked around the house, turning off lights and snuffing out candles. He’d just helped Emelyne get settled for the night. She was getting more and more frail by the day, he was uncertain how long she had left. Mary’s untimely death had broken the little sanity Mrs. Reid had left. At least Jonathan came back.
Jonathan… Avery tried his very best to not be upset, but every time he saw the young man he had raised, he felt anger build in him. This was not the Jonathan he had helped raise. The Jonathan that went to war was a bit emotionally detached, sure, but this was downright mean. He returned to London and threw himself back into work. He only came by at night, claiming that it was because of his night shifts. But why did he not come by on his off hours? Even if he needed to rest during the day, he could come by for breakfast. Or supper in the evening, before going to work. Maybe he could even take a day off to spend it with his mother, who had done everything for him.
Avery hated himself for these feelings, but they were there nonetheless. He felt like it wasn’t such a big ask for Jonathan to be home a bit more often, to just take care of his mother. But no, he had to be the surgeon, the saviour. Logic and reason over feelings and family. They needed him, they had needed him for the last three years.
There’s a curse on this house. Jonathan had said that once, when he came by the house. Avery wasn’t superstitious, but he believed it was true. Mary and her happy family, Emelyne, and even Jonathan himself, having changed so drastically, perhaps ruined by the war.
While Jonathan was in his thoughts, Avery decided to take a look inside his room. Occasionally, Emelyne wandered in there to make the bed and whatnot. Avery wanted to make sure there was no lit candle and that the windows were closed. He walked over to the door and opened. His heart almost stopped in his chest when he saw Jonathan sitting on the bed, elbows on his knees as he held a picture frame in his large hands. He didn’t look up as Avery entered.
“Master Jonathan? I did not know you were here.” Avery said gently, trying to hide his surprise.
“Good evening Avery. I didn’t think you’d still be awake.” Jonathan still wasn’t looking up, instead he continued to stare at the picture in his hands. Avery craned his neck to see that it was a family portrait, one of those taken before Aubery decided to leave.
“I just helped your mother to bed, I’m getting ready to turn in soon.”
“I probably won’t stay long, don’t mind me. I just-” Jonathan let out a little shaky sigh and didn’t finish his sentence.
“Are you alright?” Avery kept his voice gentle, as he had done all those times when he’d have to comfort Jonathan when he was still a young lad.
“Yes, thank you for your concern.” Jonathan’s voice was hard and he placed the picture on the bed next to him, still not looking up. .
“Master Jonathan, forgive me if I’m overstepping, but I’ve known you since you were barely able to walk. I know something is bothering you.”
Jonathan finally looked up and Avery took a step back, eyes widening. Jonathan’s eyes were bloodshot and there was blood running from them. It looked like he was crying tears of blood . Upon seeing Avery’s reaction, Jonathan’s eyes filled with more red and he hid his face in his hands.
“Mother is right.” Jonathan mumbled from behind his hands. “I am dead.”
“What are you talking about?” Avery demanded, still shocked at what he had seen.
“I am dead, I’m a god forsaken monster, Avery.” In a swift motion, Jonathan stood up. Avery looked at his face, now smeared with blood. “I am the curse that has befallen this family. I couldn’t save Dylan in France, he bled out while I tried to save him, after I had promised him that he would see Mary and his little boy again.”
Jonathan started pacing the room, his hands clenching and unclenching. He was breathing heavily and for the first time in his life, Avery was scared of someone in the Reid family. He didn’t actually think Jonathan would hurt him, it just became very clear that Jonathan could hurt him if he wanted.
“When Mary told me her son had died, I didn’t have the words to comfort her. My heart broke for her, but I didn’t tell her that, I just sent her platitudes. And- and then.” Jonathan’s voice hitched and he came to stand by the open window, wrapping his arms around himself. “I killed her.”
Avery couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Had Jonathan killed Mary? It made no sense. While the siblings were different, they were very close and Avery remembered how much comfort Jonathan’s letters had given Mary after all the sorrow that had befallen her, even if Jonathan seemed to think his letters weren’t enough. But, he killed Mary? Avery didn’t know what to say.
“I feasted on her like the beast I am.” Jonathan’s voice lost his strength and he let out a sob. “Every night I hear her last thoughts, they echo in my mind and I don’t think they’ll ever stop.”
Silence filled the room and Avery’s mind was racing. He had no idea what to make of all this. Had Jonathan gone mad? He’d heard of people losing their minds during the war. Yes, that was the only reasonable explanation…
“I can’t even care for my mother. I can’t take her to the park since the sun burns me, I can’t eat the food or drink the tea she offers me, she doesn’t even want me to look at her since my dead eyes unsettle her. I came home to care for her and now I fear my presence is only making everything worse.”
Jonathan let out another sob and wiped at his face.
“I - I’m sorry, Avery. I have to go.”
Before Avery could say anything Jonathan jumped out of the open window. Worrying that he had just seen the other man attempt suicide, Avery ran over to the window just in time to see Jonathan materialise from a cloud of black smoke and start walking briskly down the street.
Well, Avery doubted he’d be able to get much sleep tonight.
To say that Jonathan was ashamed of his behaviour the night before was an understatement. He had probably scared poor Avery quite badly with his rant. He really hadn’t intended for Avery to be awake, Jonathan’s plan had been to just go by his childhood home, have a good cry and then go about his business. Instead, Avery had come in and Jonathan had decided to unload on him.
One part of him wanted to just never go back to his childhood home after his embarrassing display, but he refused to run away from the consequences of his actions anymore. So, the next night, he stood in the foyer of the Reid mansion and listened for his faithful butler.
Jonathan made sure to announce his presence so that it didn’t seem like he was attempting to sneak up on the poor man. Avery turned to look at him and his face was filled with something that almost was fear.
“Master Jonathan.” He said, his voice weak.
“Avery, I-” Jonathan cleared his throat. “Can we talk?”
“Of course, Master Jonathan.”
The two men took a seat in the living room, in front of the roaring fire. Jonathan could feel Avery watching him. As he walked over to the mansion, Jonathan had rehearsed what he was going to say to Avery, but all of that seemed to disappear as he sat there.
“I want to first apologise for my behaviour last night.” Jonathan decided that was a good place to start. “You deserve an explanation.”
Jonathan started telling Avery a very sanitised and edited version of what had happened since he returned to London. Avery listened intently and didn’t attempt to interrupt, much to Jonathan’s relief. Once he was done, he glanced over at Avery to try to gauge his reaction.
“I’m not sure what to say, Master Jonathan. It, well, it sounds absurd.”
“Believe me, I agree wholeheartedly. I sometimes wonder if I actually lost my mind in France.”
“Thank you for telling me.” Avery said, much to Jonathan’s surprise. “It can’t be easy to tell me this.”
“You deserve the truth. And, I do understand if you want me to not come back here ever again.”
“I - I’m not sure yet, Master Jonathan. If what you say is true, particularly that you haven’t hurt anyone unless it was self defense… I think it does your mother well to see you. Even if you’re, well, dead.”
“I wish things were different, Avery. I really do. If I could change things-”
Jonathan couldn’t look at the man that had raised him. It was difficult to be here, in this house, after all he had done and everything that had happened.
“I know, Master Jonathan. I don’t think you’re a bad man, I believe that you’re a good man.”
“Thank you, Avery.”
Jonathan clutched a bouquet of flowers in his hand as he walked through the cemetery. He visited the cemetery relatively frequently to place flowers on Mary’s grave. Occasionally, he’d meet someone else who wanted to pay respect to the dead at night. Most frequently, it was Hsiao Shun or Louise Teasdale, but more often than not, he was alone. And now that the skals had retreated, it was no longer a chore to wander through the graves.
“Hello Mary.” Jonathan crouched down by his sister’s headstone and put the flowers down. “I hope you’re resting well and that you’re with your beautiful family. Quite a few things have happened since I last visited you. I told Avery of everything that had happened and I think he believes I’ve turned mad.”
He laughed to himself, but his smile faltered as he looked down at the grave again. He was happy someone had refilled the grave and made it look neat again. Mary deserved a peaceful resting place.
“I miss you. I’m sorry. I will never stop saying it. Perhaps it will eventually lighten my heart. Sleep well, dear sister.”
Jonathan stayed for a few more minutes, just listening to the silence and feeling the rain against his skin. Even though he could never make up for what he had done, he always felt a little better after he had visited Mary’s grave.