Work Text:
TG: rose
TG: rose we got a code red here
TG: mountain dew code red
TG: were losing altitude and were gonna die any second here
TG: rose cmon answer the phone
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TT: What.
TT: What in the name of all that we hold dear has made you pester me in this way, Dave?
TT: I’ll have you know I’m in a very nice restaurant right now. Kanaya’s being very kind about my devastating rudeness.
TT: If you have anything less than the utmost urgent business right now, I’m going to skin you alive when I get home.
TG: my bro messaged me
TT: …
TT: Why didn’t you lead with that? Jesus Christ, Dave, I’m on my way.
TG: no wait dont
TG: if youre having a nice time with your sapphic lesbo crush its whatever you dont need to come home
TT: Dave, your brother is an unrepentant psychopathic child abuser, and I am not letting him near you ever again.
TG: yo thats gay as shit
TG: makes it sound like you love me or something
TT: Of course I love you.
TG: ugh rose look
TG: its not that bad its just
TG: weird
TT: Putting aside the fact that it is most certainly that bad… Weird how?
TG: he like sent me a message but instead of his do you want to play a game bullshit its like
TG: a message about how hes sorry for all the shit he did to me
TG: like a real fucking message about it not like some shit with a puppet jumpscare at the end
TG: theres not even a reference to his godawful porn empire
TG: he just said hes sorry
TG: what the fuck am i supposed to do with this
TT: Some abusers will do anything to get back in their victim’s good graces after the cycle is broken. I’m surprised it took him so long to get here.
TG: thats the problem
TG: bros never done shit like this
TG: never
TG: not once
TG: has he ever apologized
TG: it was all for my own good all the time
TG: to make me stronger
TG: i swear he wouldve killed me for leaving him before apologizing
TG: this is so far out of character were in my immortal territory
TT: Well, you’ve never left before.
TG: i guess maybe thats it
TG: i dont know rose its just so fucking weird
TT: Would you be comfortable sending me his messages?
TG: why do you think i messaged you lalonde
TT: Emotional support?
TG: haha no nice try though
TT: Dave.
TG: yeah okay im sending the logs
TT: hey, lil bro.
TT: dave.
TT: i wanted to say some things.
TT: you’re not a kid anymore, so i won’t treat you like one.
TT: but then, that was always kind of the problem, wasn’t it?
TT: i was a shitty brother. them’s facts.
TT: i shouldn’t have done what i did.
TT: shouldn’t have made you strife.
TT: shouldn’t have hit you.
TT: i’m sorry.
TT: That’s it?
TG: wow lalonde way to minimize my feelings or what the shit ever
TT: No, that’s not what I meant. Don’t be obtuse.
TT: I just want to know if those are the only messages he sent you or not.
TG: yeah no thats it
TG: he said hes fucking sorry and then he just dipped out on me
TG: what the fuck am i supposed to do with that
TG: he handed me everything sixteen year old me wanted to hear five years ago and he hasnt sent me a single other thing
TG: i mean knowing him the fact that i even opened it could mean its some sort of godawful malware
TG: hacker voice
TG: hes in
TG: fuck that was a joke but now im actually considering it
TG: like what are the chances he actually did that
TG: he literally used to film everything that happened in the apartment and probably sold videos of me to child porno sites for creepy basement pedophiles
TG: its not like thats something hed never do
TG: fuck
TT: Dave, please take a deep breath. We’ve talked about grounding techniques.
TG: dont weve talked about grounding techniques me rose
TG: youre not a real therapist
TT: I’m going to forgive you for lashing out at me with such hurtful slander because of your current extenuating emotional circumstances.
TT: I’ll be home shortly.
TG: great
TG: no big deal
TG: no hurry no rush
TG: no worries here in el casa de strilonde
TG: definitely not thinking about how bro might be tracking my location right now
TG: definitely not thinking about the fact that if he finds me hes going to beat the shit out of me
TG: actually thinking about that time karkat was over the other day
TG: and he took a sick shit in our bathroom so nasty that he clogged the toilet
TG: like the epic king of all shits to absolutely ruin your life
TG: kind of impressive really
TG: and then he came out so embarrassed he just fucking left
TG: cmon karkles only asshole fratboys leave the party after clogging the toilet
TG: be a man and own up to your massive dump
TG: id claim a shit that fantastic
TG: i shouldve claimed that shit and saved everyone the embarrassment of his repressed shitshow of a breakdown about it
TG: haha shitshow
TT: This is an interesting way to develop the discussion we’re having right now.
TT: If you continue in this vein I may have to assume you’re having a nervous breakdown of your own.
TG: okay but you have to admit that was fucking hilarious
TG: im not the only one who thinks that
TG: i better not be the only one who thinks that or im gonna take to the streets
TT: Yes, Karkat’s literal shitshow was hilarious.
TG: nice
TG: arent you supposed to be on your way home
TG: dont text and drive rose youll end up a statistic
TT: Your heartfelt concern is touching. There is, however, such a thing as an Uber.
TT: In addition, we don’t own a car. You know this. The only way I’m getting anywhere is being driven.
TG: or good ole public transit
TG: dont look the bus guys in the eye
TG: theyre probably jerking off
TT: Why, of course. Everybody knows that.