Chapter Text
White, crisp, pristine—the sheet stood out starkly against the wooden surface of her desk, pulled down and away from her nearby physics notebook. She had a pencil in hand, but in spite of it being poised and ready to make the first mark, Ochako hesitated to actually put the lead to paper.
It sounded like a good idea when Tsuyu mentioned it.
With that day rapidly approaching, of course, the feelings she had for a certain classmate began to bubble up to the surface. Overwhelming and oh-so distracting in a way that had her seeking comfort within one of her closest friends. Well, seeking comfort in the only friend she had genuinely admitted those feelings to.
Because, for as much as she liked him after the last year and some change, Ochako knew she wasn’t ready to just come out and say it. No, she didn’t feel stable enough for that. There was so much to do, so much that they both needed to focus on. And yet, as the first month of the year faded out, she kept thinking of the approaching holiday. It wasn’t like going about daily life made it any easier. Advertisements of chocolate going on sale, billboards of romantic gifts and gestures to make, and the sight of happy couples talking about their plans while she conducted hero patrols. For better or worse, the holiday was everywhere. So naturally Valentine’s Day started to take up residence in her brain too. Contemplating what she needed to do for the boys in her class, of what she could do for that specific one—her mind turned over and over, trying to wring the conflicting thoughts out like a sopping-wet sponge.
“Ochako-chan,” Tsuyu had started, sympathy bleeding through her voice, “I think maybe you just need to get these feelings out.”
Ochako had been quick to shoot the prospect down, until Tsu took the time to elaborate. She didn’t need to get them out to him. Or to Tsuyu or anyone really! All Ochako needed was to express them in a way she was comfortable with. Even if it just meant putting her feelings to paper, defining them in a way that let them escape her mind.
At the time, she brushed it off again with a roll of her eyes and a shrug of her shoulders. After all, she made it through Valentine’s just fine last year, right? It was just mind over matter. If she could manage it before when she was still getting accustomed to having such feelings swirling around her head, certainly now, with over a year’s worth of experience, she could shove them aside so long as she put her mind to it.
But when a whole week passed and Ochako found herself seesawing over what she should do, she had to recognize that Tsuyu probably had a point. She often did, as much as Ochako didn’t want it to be true. So Ochako locked herself in her dorm room, and grabbed the physics notebook she kept on her desk. It still had several loose sheets of printer paper settled inside from the last time she rewrote some of her messy notes, and she took a moment to snatch one out. She made doubly sure it was blank on both sides before setting it down on the desk.
It was easy. It was just a matter of writing what she felt. He wouldn’t see it, and neither would anyone else, so what was there to stop her from being honest about what it was that he made her feel? But for as much as her thoughts had been clamoring and yelling at her for weeks on end about what she should do, now it felt like her brain had been engulfed in white noise.
Actually feeling the feelings was the easy part. Putting them to words though? Finding the right way to admit to herself just how completely head over heels she was? It was a totally different hurdle. No, that undersold it. It wasn’t just a hurdle to explain her own feelings—it was downright daunting. It was a confession, that for as much as she liked to pretend she had a firm grip on the reins, the truth was…there were no reins. She was riding this horse without a saddle, assuring anyone that caught a glimpse of her sliding this way and that that everything was totally and one hundred percent fine.
But, gods, it was nowhere close to fine. Realistically she was about two seconds from falling off and hurting herself in the process.
Ochako huffed as she set her chin into the palm of her hand, squinting down at the blank sheet.
The fact that the paper was so perfect—completely unmarred by her pencil as of now—was distracting in its own way. She couldn’t just write random words to alleviate that fact though, so after some thought she brought down her pencil on the uppermost left corner and swirled it around. It wasn’t meant to be anything. It wasn’t her intention anyway, but when she let herself come back into focus, a sideways eight stared back up at her.
No, not a sideways eight—the symbol for infinity. Like the one she earned in Aizawa’s Quirk apprehension test on the first day of school. Sometimes Iida and some of the others still called her “Infinity Girl” thanks to that ball throw.
Ochako found herself smiling as she doodled the exact same thing in the remaining three corners of her sheet.
That day had been surreal but experiencing it in the first place had only been made possible because of him.
She never told anyone that. Not Tsuyu, not her parents—certainly not him. She never had a real reason why.
Maybe because it felt private to her. Hell, only Present Mic knew that she had gone back to beg them to let her share her points with him. How could she not? He didn’t need to save her then. He hadn’t earned a single point. If she got into the school and he didn’t—how was that fair? She couldn’t let that stand.
Or maybe it was because she knew it would come off as disbelief. Like she doubted herself. As if she felt unworthy of being accepted, or she was shrinking herself down in order to raise him up. But it wasn’t like that at all…
He didn’t make her feel lesser. No, somehow, just being around him made her feel like she was capable of so much more. Like she was standing on a precipice of change and growth but found herself too reluctant to make the terrifying but oh-so necessary leap. There were always reasons to hold herself back—good reasons too!—money, time, and lack of energy or know-how…
But when Deku appeared in her life, well, that really was when Ochako felt brave enough to take a leap. Seeing him do his best even when it was hard, even when it hurt—it made her want to strive for the same. It made her feel like, if he could do that…well, why couldn’t she do the same? When he appeared in her orbit she began to feel…infinite.
And with that thought, she finally found the words.
