Chapter Text
“It’s time to head to Meridian, Prisoner.”
He glanced up from where he sat quietly on the dirt floor of his cell. Two years here. Two long years trapped with every thought and memory and nothing to hide behind from them. Not even the daily exercise they finally allowed him after the first six months gave him reprieve from their constant march across his consciousness. Each one taking its pound of flesh and cup of blood with it, a never ending parade of shame for what he had done and become.
After eight months, he finally opened up to the warden Janeva after their thousandth time asking if he wanted to discuss anything. To finally cut open the infected wound in his psyche, spraying forth all the foul pus of his deeds, thoughts, desires in an attempt to knit the wound shut properly.
He found that though it helped, the wound was still inflamed. Still smarting. The drum of his thoughts were no longer a soul deep agony though, simply the thrum of a shallow wound hiding something deeper. Something sinister. Even the Asp couldn't bite deep enough to draw that poison out when called upon to help the Warden.
He rose smoothly, and moved to place his hands through the customary opening so that he could be shackled like the animal he was.
Janeva waved his hands away as the door was unlocked.
“Cuffs are no longer necessary, Prisoner. We travel for you to personally get your full pardon from His Radiance, the Sun-King. You surprised me. Thank you for proving my opinions wrong on his rehabilitation program.”
He inclined his head respectfully to the warden but said nothing as he stepped out into the brilliant light of the sun. Light he didn’t deserve. Pardons he didn’t deserve or want. Dully, he gestured for Janeva to lead the way. They should have killed him. The stains of shadow and blood on his soul would never wash clean. Too many knew him. Knew what he did. Knew what he was.
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They had scrubbed him in places he didn’t know could be scrubbed. Shorn his hair back to his old military haircut. Scraped his face of its scraggly overgrown hair. Slathered him in oils to hide the scent of blood that he was sure was now ingrained in his skin and hair. In his very bones. Dressed him in silks that he vaguely remembered wearing from what seemed another life. Whispered memories of a time before where he had been happy, safe, and loved. Before that life had been torn asunder by the Mad King.
He sat docile through the whole process, like it didn't feel as if they were flaying his skin from muscle and bone to lay him bare. The attendants all were terrified and almost slit his neck open whilst shaving, their hands shook so.
He felt ridiculous.
A man of skin tanned darker than his, with a quiet and calm demeanor, led him not to the area at the base of the Sun-King’s throne, but to one of the side plazas of the Sun Palace. He gestured for the Prisoner to kneel before he announced the presence of His Radiance, Sun-King Avad.
He knelt in the Sun-King’s shadow, right where he belonged. He didn’t understand why he had been groomed and plucked clean, when he was no better than the dirt under the King’s shoes.
“Amin Khane Khensu.”
The Prisoner flinched as if he had been physically struck, but remained quiet and subdued, staring at the geometric colorful tiles, hoping that they would swallow him into the void.
“You are here to receive your pardon for past crimes against the Carja people and against the Sun. You freely admitted to all the transgressions that you committed against our people and other tribes in the service of my father, the Mad King Jiran, at the orders of Kestral Helis who now lives in Shadow. Though you showed no remorse for what you did at the time, Janeva has informed me that this has changed and that you have changed.”
Amin dared to glance up at his new King, and found kindness instead of disgust in his eyes. He flinched once again and dropped his pale eyes back to the floor.
“You are absolved of your crimes. Your estate has been returned to your remaining family and any remaining wealth after reparations were drawn by the Royal Treasury has been handed back over. Your honor is now restored and you are free to travel the Sundom with your face to the light.”
Tears entered Amin’s eyes like traitors. They flooded down his cheeks like warm blood. He shook his head as Avad turned to walk away.
“Your Radiance...please…” he whispered hoarsely, both emotion and disuse coloring his words.
The Sun-King paused and faced the kneeling man once again. The gentleman who brought him before Avad opened his mouth angrily and stepped forward, only to have Avad hold up his hand to stop him. "No Marad. Let him speak."
He waited patiently as Amin scrambled to put together sufficient words to his pain. To his shame.
“Your Radiance...thank you for your mercy for my remaining family. But I do not believe I am fully worthy of yours or the Sun’s pardon. I do not think I will ever be worthy. I beg of you, task me with further penance. Strip me of my name. Banish it so that my family may not live in the shadow of the horrors I committed. I do not know how to go out into the world as I am now. I would simply perish. Run myself into the first knife I come across and bleed out onto the ground for shame.”
He looked up and held eye contact with the man who he would have gladly disemboweled two years ago. Would have bathed in his blood, drank it, gathered it to present to his Commander and King with relish and pride. And would have remembered little of the act other than the immense pleasure he would have garnered in the kill.
He was a horror. A monster. He was sure his name was used to scare Carja children into behaving.
Avad looked down at him with a contemplative look. “You would become Nameless? That is a punishment that is normally only for the most dishonored dead to receive. And you wish it to be so while you still draw breath?”
Amin nodded his head vigorously.
The King’s eyebrows drew together and his face grew serious. “As you elect to do this, I will decree that you may earn your name back but only when you have finished the task I give you. You will not receive the full brunt of this Curse. Only you may reclaim your name. I cannot return to you, what was and is always yours. I rename you Nil under the Sun’s radiance, to mask your shame in shadow until you are ready to walk in light once again. As for penance and direction… You killed many innocents in the Red Raids and in the fight against me. Innocents who had no way of defending against you. As you once were innocent and had no defense. Cinnabar Sands...The Daunt. They will live in infamy due to your blood thirst and savagery. As reparation, I command that you serve as my Arrow in the Shadows, to exist in the space between armor and skin. You will patrol the lands you raided by any means necessary to protect them from the bandits who have encroached upon them in their weakness. Weakness you helped create. Should any ask of your crimes, you will freely admit to them. You will admit that you reveled in them and had no regrets at the time. You will wear your Kestral armor. You will live with the honor I know your parents instilled in you. And you will not speak of the task I have set before you. When the sun sheds light on more faces that you saved than you took or hurt during your soldiering years, you may consider the scales even, your debt to the Sun and Shadows paid. Do you accept this?"
Nil pressed his forehead to the ground before Sun King Avad, the tears streaming down his face freely. His soul felt cleaner than it had in years. Raw, throbbing, ragged, but cleaner. "Yes, your Radiance. That is perfect."
"Then rise Nil, my Arrow. Leave Meridian and only return when it is time to reclaim your name."
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His third stop was the first place he had caused pain. The Nora lands. The Embrace. Wooded and cool and full of bountiful plant and animal life. He squeezed through an opening in their border that was left unpatrolled due to the lack of braves. An opening he found because he was tracking his first quarry, bandits that had struck out from their nearby settlement to harass weaker travelers.
He was oddly both happy and sad that his previous partner had perished tracking this particular bandit camp. Happy because he felt he was more honestly earning his repentance. Sad because his partner had bungled and Nil couldn’t save him from his own stupidity. Another life added to his tally to make up for. He shouldn’t have let his loneliness drag someone to their grave.
He made quick work of them in the middle of the road. Kneeling, he watched the life leave the eyes of the last woman and smiled savagely at her.
Never again would she prey on the weak. Never again would she kill wantonly as he once did.
He felt satisfaction. A small purr left his mouth knowing that he was on his way to righting his wrongs. Honest killing. A killer of killers. A bounty hunter who collected no bounties.
He began to turn back towards the direction of the bandit camp when he glimpsed something that shook him to his core.
A pale woman with hair the color of blood and fire, sitting atop a strider that wasn't actively trying to rid itself of its burden.
It's something that stupid adolescent Carja did on a bet before the machines became aggressive. Try to mount a strider and see how long until you were thrown. He never did it but some of those that were older in the military around him spoke fondly of their attempts.
And here was this Nora woman, brazenly trotting toward him on a tame strider like it was the most natural thing in the world. This was new. This was interesting . Had the Nora become able to master machines? Maybe this was why they didn't aggressively patrol their borders? He tucked the information away. This was something that might need to be relayed to Meridian. His Sun King did give him some contacts to utilize in his personal quest.
He knew the moment she saw him, her face twisting into displeasure. He should be careful as this brave may very well outright attack him for trespassing in the Sacred Lands. Cataloging all his escape routes, he wanted to see what she would do. He schooled his face into blankness.
"There's danger ahead girl."
She glared at him, nonplussed. But she made no moves to attack. Interesting. Even when she glanced at the bodies scattered around him, she made no move. Instead she just looked disgusted.
“Danger for you outlander. This is Nora land-”
She didn't know who he used to be. Even more interesting. He had been avoiding others thinking every person of every tribe would know who he was. “Yes yes yes. Trespass is forbidden on pain of death...strange phrase the pain of death. ” He gestured to the first bandit he took down. “See? This one’s in no pain at all.”
Her sneer faltered as she looked at him incredulously. “Who was he?” He saw her begin to tense up as though he was going to pounce on her, drawing her spear between them.
He glanced down at the slack face and glazed eyes of the body she pointed at then back up to her, smirking. “A thief, a slaver, a killer -- the kind that give honest killers a bad name.” He toed the dead body gently, rebuking it in the back of his mind. Got what he gave. Which was more than Nil ever got. He turned his pale silver eyes back towards the Nora. She had relaxed once again.
“Varl told me there would be bandit ambushes on the road.”
Nil blinked. They knew the bandits were there but hadn’t bothered to drive them out? And they were taming machines? It should be easy with the help of machines to wipe out wide swathes of bandits. With a strider to cover large distances quickly, bandits shouldn’t exist in the Sacred Land even with few braves.
“Well it’s not all good news. They don’t always come to you. Most dig out a camp, and there they’ll sit, like spoil on meat.”
The girl winced at his choice of words and he smirked both outwardly and mentally. Can’t have her thinking he’s done a public service, even if he really did.
“Unless...someone does something about it?”
He paused. She looked at the bodies with both distaste and thoughtfulness. No way… He tamped down on his interest and excitement as much as he could. Maybe… And he could discern if the Nora were using machines to protect themselves.
“I like you. Follow the trail of smoke, on the other side of the ruins. I’ll be there.”
He pointed to the smoke in the sky, watching her striking green eyes follow his finger. He noticed the metal triangle next to her ear as she turned. Was there light coming from it? Was it powered like machines? Was it how she had tamed a machine? So many mysteries this girl presented…
Curse his curiosity. It had been a long time since anything or anyone beside death and opponents had drawn his interest so.
The girl nodded her response and immediately began rummaging around the dead bodies, grabbing useful things. The audacity of this girl! Pillaging his kills! She didn’t even ask! He bit back a laugh and let her do it. Then he watched wordlessly as she jumped on her strider and rode off into the distance, leaving him wondering at her mystery. And wondering at his own fascination that rose up so quickly. She never asked his name. He never asked for hers. He hoped she’d show up…
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What is this? A strange wind blowing
Bearing secrets with its hushing rustle
And who are you? A figure approaching
Are these footsteps I hear or my heartbeat
Pounding, forcing the Amorphis to conceive
Chimes of midnight I stand helpless watching
As the tremulous bud turns to the sun
Oh Phoenix, let me climb on your pyre
Phoenix forge me a soul in your fire
Will I wither like all roses?
Will I forfeit my own cry?
But the blackness held its silence
The golden scales in perfect balance
~Reborn by Tillian