Chapter Text
She must have fallen asleep, as you could feel her breath slowing down beneath your face, buried in her chest. Even though that has never happened before. What a curious occurrence. Usually she would leave soon after finishing, only staying long enough to smoke one of her cigars, leaving you still dripping, wanting for more.
It must have been dark out for some hours, but you never even noticed. Not that day and night were so different here, light barely ever touching your windows, but the neon lights outside did change colour after midnight, just to keep the mood going. The minor factor of forgetting everything around you at the sight of her, stayed firmly at the back of your mind. You were not going to think about that.
Three goddamn weeks. Has it been that long since you last felt her body press against you? Waiting for such a long time was becoming more and more difficult. Her coming over gradually became the only highlight of your weeks, and right now a few hours together wasn’t going to cut it for you. What kind of jobs was she taking over to not have been able to see you in three weeks?
Your head was resting on her chest, her mechanical hand wrapped around your back, completely still, while you were stroking her toned stomach. The feel of metal against your naked back was pure bliss. These kind of peaceful moments right after (the few she allowed you) usually made you contempt, they brought you peace in this shitty world like nothing else. But not this time, not when she was falling asleep and possibly not waking until morning. Spending the night together?
With your hand still lingering on her stomach you turned your head upwards, your gaze meeting the outline of her face illuminated by the purple lights outside. Yeah it was definitely late if they were purple. Lying here, surrounded by the smell of tobacco and sweat, her impending absence became almost too much to handle. It felt more like a dream, another world in which there was a place for the two of you, a place where the world wasn’t the wreckage that it was. The words slipped out of you all on their own in the tiniest whisper: “I love you”.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. You almost smiled at your own stupidity for ever feeling this way, and placed your head back on her chest and closed your eyes. Trying to nurture this moment before waking her up so she could return home, your breathing became heavy, tears starting to surface when suddenly you were being held – no wait, you were being flipped on your back and, well, she was hovering above you. Oh, Sevika. Fuck you. Literally. Her metallic fingers cupping the back of your head, her thighs gripping your waist, there she was, facing you, wide awake.
This time you were not so sure if you wanted to laugh or cry. Instead, you did nothing. Didn’t move, didn’t let out a single sound, not even half a breath – pathetic, I know. Lost for words, you just kept staring back at her. This took way too long for comfort and she was not moving either which was – well, an unusual occurrence. For fuck’s sake gather yourself. Panic from what you just uttered growing inside you, you found your voice just for a moment, enough to utter: “You weren’t asleep…”.
She smirked at you, her eyes turning dark grey (black, really, but that colour didn’t exist), as they often did just when wanted to devour you. You wanted to explain, you wanted to tell her that it wasn’t meant in a serious way – a lie, that you understood that you two aren’t exclusive and this will never be more than what it is – the truth. But you couldn’t do anything, couldn’t move, could barely breathe.
“Relax”, she uttered.
Noticing how uncomfortable you were, (when did she get to know you this well?) she took her right hand to stroke your cheek, a move that would usually have a relaxing effect on you -well, guess again, not this time. When did you fall for her so badly that you couldn’t contain it anymore? Pathetic, again. Her face softening while her dark eyes persisted their wanting stare at you, you finally found the power in your limbs and moved your hand towards her cheek and uttered: “It’s OK… I’m fine. I know you don’t…” Trying to convey to her that you knew she didn’t feel the same way about you, that your love will always be unreciprocated and that this, whatever this was, was your problem to handle.
You wanted to say more, but you were still barely holding back your tears from surfacing, not wanting for her to see you like that. Staring, she just kept staring, her hand not moving from your face. And as she smirked at you, bending down as if to kiss you (finally a sense of normalcy), she, instead of moving towards your lips, turned towards your right ear and started whispering…