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Adults with bad intentions are scarier than you can imagine, but do not underestimate the cruelty of children.

Children are cruel things. They see from a young age how fun it is to hurt others even weaker than themselves. Whether their target is young or old, human or animal. Children are not good by nature. It is natural for a child to want to be an adult. And the joy of adulthood is wielding power.

That’s what Shin Tsukimi learned early on. Shin was an unnatural child. He did not dream of growing up. That sounded like a terrifying responsibility.

When Shin’s parents dropped him off at school for the first time, he cried all day. And the day after that. And the day after that. The separation from his parents was unbearable.

The teacher quickly grew impatient with the crying child and would punish him for being too loud. Shin struggled to be quiet like she wanted. He muffled his voice by pulling his shirt over his head.

Shin’s classmates laughed at the ridiculous boy. One child grabbed his shirt and pulled it off him, saying that if Shin was going to undress, he ought to undress all the way. More laughter. Shin threw his hands over his face instead, still trying to muffle his sobs, but the children grabbed his arms and pinned them to the ground. Shin wailed even louder as his peers crowded him and pushed the shirtless boy into the dirt, poking and prodding his skin. They thought the noises coming out of his mouth were hilarious. Like a baby. Another child suggested taking off the baby’s pants too, so they could see if he had soiled his diaper. Shin screamed.

That finally drew the teacher’s attention. She shouted and the crowd dispersed, leaving Shin alone in the dirt. The teacher scolded the boy for removing his shirt and causing a ruckus, as though he were a class clown conducting the kids’ attention. And she ordered him again to stop crying.

Afterwards, Shin’s parents bought the boy a present: a large, woolen scarf that was as blue as his mother’s eyes.

Now when Shin cried, he could muffle his voice in his scarf.

…

Shin still wore the blue scarf around his neck when he was old enough to enter high school. In all his years of education, the most important skill Shin dedicated himself to learning was how to be quiet. Shin strove to be someone who did not stand out in the crowd. He sat by himself at the playground. He stared at the ground instead of meeting his classmates’ eyes. Loneliness was hard, but loneliness was safe, and Shin thought he was strong enough to bear it whenever he wore his scarf.

There was just one problem with Shin’s efforts to be quiet: he was terrible at it.

A butterfly flew in front of the seven-year-old boy, and he gasped loud enough for everyone to hear. He waved his arms and pointed excitedly and chased the pretty thing all over the playground.

The ten-year-old boy struggled to keep up with everyone in P.E. and he whined. He fell on the ground when he couldn’t run anymore.

The thirteen-year-old boy searched the classroom desperately for a girl’s lost necklace. He saw it, seized it, and impulsively yelled “I FOUND IT I FOUND IT!!”

Laughter followed every time.

Shin’s “quiet” mask dropped easily. The minute the boy became excited or upset, he couldn’t contain himself. It was embarrassing, and dangerously so, to wear your heart so openly on your sleeve. But even after all these years, Shin still hadn’t mastered the art of blending in. By the time he realized he had crossed some invisible line, it was already too late.

Teenagers are almost adults, Shin reminded himself as he walked to high school. He carried a new bag and he wore a new uniform, black like his father’s business suits. His mother had said he looked handsome and grown up. All around him, his classmates already looked more like adults than they did last month in middle school. The boys had sprouted like beanstalks, and the girls blossomed like flowers. Everyone was filling into their proper place at last.

With everyone growing up, Shin wanted to believe that things would be easier. His classmates would behave themselves. And Shin would finally be wise enough to fit in his proper place.

…

“Found your bag, Tsukimi!”

Shin stood trembling by his locker as a group of five grinning boys surrounded him. His dream of fitting in barely lasted a week.

He should have known better than to pick a bag with a kitty-cat pattern. It seemed subtle enough for a boy’s bag. When he came back to his locker, it was missing, and he panicked. All his homework was in there.

It was such a stupid mistake, obvious in hindsight…

“I said, here’s your bag! Come get it,” Kenta Shimada said. He was the tallest boy, and the handsomest. Everyone in his friend group looked up to him. Shin remembers him perfectly.

He remembers how Shimada was holding a soaking wet bag with a kitty-cat pattern. It dripped water onto the floor.

Instead of listening to Shimada, Shin leaned back against his locker and fiddled with his scarf. He kept his eyes on the floor instead of meeting the boys’ jeering faces. He tried not to think about wherever his things had been to get so wet, or whatever junk they could have put inside his bag. Shin didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to think about how these boys could stuff his face in the toilet if they wanted, if the bag wasn’t funny enough on its own. He didn’t want to imagine them dragging him outside with the pavement scratching his knees…

None of those things even happened that day, but Shin remembers the terror running wild through his imagination, back when the nightmare could have twisted in any direction. Why did these kids want to hurt him so badly? What was so special about him? Then a sob escaped Shin’s lips and he remembered why–

“Poor widdle crybaby Tsukimi! Don’t you want your bag back?”

Did being earnestly emotional really make him that entertaining—? He felt Shimada’s hand grab his shoulder and he yelped incoherently. Shin’s mind screamed the words he couldn’t say out loud.

I’m not that interesting. I’m just a stupid thing who cries a lot. I’m not worth anyone’s time.

“Hellooo? What are you doooing?”

That wasn’t Shimada’s voice. Shin finally looked up.

A wide-eyed stranger stood between Shin and Shimada. The stranger had appeared so suddenly that even the bullies looked surprised, as though he had sprung fully formed from the ground. He was just a high school boy, wearing the same uniform they all wore, and he did not look particularly big or strong.

But he carried himself with such powerful presence that Shin caught his breath in awe. The strange boy commanded the room with a lilting voice and an uncanny grin, even as he stood perfectly still with his hands clasped behind his back. It was as though the boy emanated rays of invisible light—a light that touched your soul instead of your eyes. And the boy’s light made Shin feel warm.

Strangest coincidence of all—while Shin hid his face behind a blue scarf, this boy flaunted a rosy polka-dot scarf, as if daring anyone to comment on it.

“Um—uh—” Shimada stuttered. Then he scowled and gripped Shin tighter, making his victim squeal. “Get lost, buddy. Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Oh yes! Busy tormenting my best friend, Shin Tsukimi!”

Best friend?

“Is that wise, do you suppose? To bully my best friend?” The boy continued in a chipper voice. The corners of his smile stretched wider.

Shimada snorted. He puffed out his chest, trying to seize back command of the room. “Since when did Tsukimi pick up any friends?”

“Aren’t we best friends, Shin?” The strange boy rested his gaze on Shin. His wide eyes were…kind.

Shin was shocked at the boy’s sudden familiarity, calling him by his first name, but Shin couldn’t be mad. Not when the boy’s light made Shin’s heart leap. His light was the perfect frequency to resonate with Shin’s soul. Like finding your twin in the wild.

Finding your twin in the—what bizarre thoughts fill your brain when you’re terrified.

“We’re best friends,” Shin echoed the boy. Even as an echo, Shin’s voice became strong.

Shimada blinked stupidly. Shin smiled wider, like his friend.

“You’re both being creepy with your weirdo smiles,” Ryuu Maki piped up. That was Shimada’s shorter, sniveling friend. He clung to Shimada like a parasite. All of the boys did. With Shimada’s nerve faltering, Shin finally saw how pathetic Maki looked.

“My my my, that’s not very nice,” the stranger said. “It’s almost like you’re trying to make me mad!” Then his hand moved in a blur and gripped Shimada’s arm, making the bully wince. “Why don’t you let Shin go? I’ll be merciful then.”

“Whaaa?!” Shimada’s jaw dropped.

“You’re really trying my patience today! I’ll count to ten. One!”

“Who do you think you are, you bug-eyed freak?”

“Two! Three! Four—!”

Shimada released Shin and yanked his arm free from the stranger. He was panting. His friends looked at each other nervously.

“Marvelous! Congratulations on finally following orders correctly,” the stranger said. He smoothly stepped beside Shin and wrapped his arm around the boy’s shoulders, drawing Shin close to his chest. It’s a good thing he did—Shin felt faint, like he might topple over any minute. But he could stand tall in front of his enemies with his best friend holding him tight. This close, he could even feel his friend’s heartbeat, which made Shin’s own heart want to sing.

Shimada’s handsome face contorted into a hideous sneer. He opened and closed his mouth but couldn’t think of any retort. How funny that Shin had been so afraid of this idiot.

“Just give Tsukimi his bag, man. This ain’t worth it,” Maki said. His voice was frazzled. His hero had stumbled.

Shimada snorted and dropped the wet bag. Before the bullies could do anything else, the stranger picked it off the floor and swung it behind his own back. He still held onto Shin tight as he moved.

“Let’s go home already, Shin,” he said softly. Then he swept Shin down the hall and out of the school. He moved his arm gently behind the small of Shin’s back, guiding the shivering boy forward. They walked together down unfamiliar streets. Shin’s heart was racing and his brain felt like mush.

Shin wishes that he could remember his younger self having more dignity, though eventually he pulled himself together—

“Where are we going?” Shin asked.

The stranger turned a sly smile. “I was honestly curious how far you’d let me go before saying anything.”

“Ahh—!” Shin shut his mouth and his face turned red. The stranger laughed.

“Ahaha it’s all right, Shin! I was taking us to my house, but we can change course. If we turn at the corner ahead, that’ll take us to your neighborhood.”

“That’s very forward of you to call me Shin! We’ve only just met!”

“So sorry, so sorry. But you know, Tsukimi, here’s a lesson for you. If you ever notice bullies picking on a loner, the easiest way to protect them is to waltz in and pretend to be their friend. Bullies are cowards. They don’t want to deal with two people! It smashes their little fantasy that they can do whatever they want and get away with it.”

“I—I see.”

“Naturally, the two of us can stop pretending now. I’ll drop the act. Leave you alone, forever…”

“Wait!” Shin protested. His voice came out pretty desperate, making the stranger laugh again. Shin cleared his throat and mustered strength in his voice. “I don’t even know your name.”

“My name,” the boy hesitated, drinking in Shin’s anticipation, “is Sou Hiyori.”

Triumph swelled in Shin’s heart that he finally caught the stranger’s name. “It’s nice to meet you, Sou Hiyori,” Shin said. He bowed his head slightly.

Hiyori grinned and squeezed Shin’s waist. “You’re terribly cute when you’re trying to be suave, Tsukimi.”

“You…!” Shin blushed and pulled his scarf over his face. He was used to insults. Although… being teased by a friend didn’t feel so bad. Assuming that Hiyori was really his friend.

Shin wanted him to be. He could get used to this warm feeling, basking in Hiyori’s light. He didn’t want this fantasy to end.

“Take me to your house, Hiyori,” Shin said when they reached the street corner. “We can make friends properly.”

Hiyori’s smile stretched enormously, looking strange on a human’s face. Shin shivered.

“Very well, Tsukimi! Since that’s what you want…”

…

Shimada was missing the next day at school. So were three of his friends. Shin breathed easier without having to see them.

Shimada was absent the following day too. It was funny to imagine that Shin’s friend Hiyori had hurt his pride so badly that Shimada didn’t want to show his face around here again.

The next day, Shin indulged himself in imagining that Shimada and his friends had transferred to another school.

But Shimada returned on the fourth day. Shin turned pale to see his bully marching straight to his desk. Surely Shimada wanted revenge for the blow to his ego. And Hiyori wasn’t in Shin’s class—Shin was all alone—

“Good morning, Tsukimi!” Shimada smiled brightly.

“Good m-morning…”

“You dropped your pen!” Then he stooped beneath Shin’s desk, and came back up with a pen.

Shin stared at the pen like it was a bomb. He leaned all the way back in his seat, grimacing.

Shimada kept grinning like a loon and holding the pen in front of Shin’s face.

When Shin couldn’t take it anymore, he snatched the pen and lowered his head onto his desk, not wanting to look at his bully any longer. Shimada shrugged and walked away. That was…unusual.

Fortunately, Shimada lost interest in Shin after that, though his behavior was still strange. Normally the type to make loud, clever remarks that got the whole class laughing, now he quietly gazed out the window. He didn’t come up with any jokes when the teacher called on him. And he didn’t react when his friends tried to talk to him.

The strangest thing happened after class, when Shin overheard Saori Chiba speaking to him.

“…What do you mean, you don’t know my name? I’m Saori, your girlfriend!”

“Who?”

“This isn’t funny, Kenta!”

“I’ve never met you in my life.”

Miss Chiba wiped her eyes and ran out of the classroom. Shin’s jaw dropped. Saori Chiba and Kenta Shimada had known each other since they were six. They started dating when they were thirteen. They were universally acknowledged as the cutest couple ever. And Shimada forgot her?

Back at Shimada’s desk, Shin noticed that Maki was chatting with him in a tense, hushed voice. Shimada responded tersely while Maki grew increasingly stressed.

“What happened to you while you were gone?” Maki asked. He was desperate enough that his whisper became audible. “You didn’t answer my messages, and neither did the others—”

“I don’t know who any of you are! Leave me alone.” Shimada marched out of the room, leaving Maki in the dust. Maki stared at the open door, distressed… Then he noticed that Shin was watching and he glared daggers at the boy. Shin quickly packed his things and left.

Surely, Shimada was playing a joke on his friends? If Shin didn’t know any better, he’d say that Shimada was now an entirely different person.

…

“Shiiiin, are you awake?”

“Ah!” Shin’s eyes fluttered open. He realized with a jolt that he had nodded off while leaning on Hiyori’s shoulder. There was drool on his chin. How long had they been sitting like this? He quickly sat up straight and stammered. “I-I-I’m sorry, Hiyori…”

Fortunately, Hiyori only looked amused. “You’re such a cute boy, Shin.”

Hiyori and Shin had been friends for some time now. It became normal for Shin to visit Hiyori’s apartment every week. Hiyori’s family was always missing—he had mentioned something about his family’s business being very demanding, and refused to elaborate further—which meant that the boys always had the house to themselves. They could do whatever they wanted.

With no family or friends to speak of, Shin had the impression that his wide-eyed, smiling companion was secretly lonely. Just as Hiyori had saved Shin from loneliness, Shin wanted to save Hiyori too.

“Saving Hiyori”—what a laughable idea. Hiyori was older than Shin, smarter than Shin, and he provided everything for Shin. Hiyori was generous enough to tutor the boy after school, and he even offered Shin lessons on computer programming—a delightfully knotty subject which Shin threw himself into with enthusiasm. Sometimes, when they were getting into the weeds of coding, Shin could be loud and excited and himself around Hiyori. These were treasured moments that made Shin feel warm and grateful to his hero, but they were fleeting—Shin was still too timid to call his older friend by his first name. There was a strange, awkward wall between them.

Even so, Shin was getting better at responding to Hiyori’s teasing.

“You think I’m cute? When you’re sitting right there?” Shin rejoined. Then he realized how weird that sounded and he turned bright red.

Hiyori blinked and burst into laughter. “AHAHAHA! Wow, Shin! And you think I’m forward?”

“Uh—um!!”

“Anyway, moving on!” Hiyori’s boisterous smile became a thin line. “Did you hear anything I was saying for the past half-hour?”

“No…”

“Hmm!” Hiyori was still smiling, but—even though he looked genuinely happy a minute ago, now he was barely concealing annoyance. He gritted his teeth.

Shin bit the end of his blue scarf nervously. This was his great fear. In spite of all logical signs pointing to Hiyori willingly going out of his way to spend time with Shin, Shin still worried that Hiyori considered him a chore.

“You know, Shin! I don’t believe you’ve been getting enough sleep,” Hiyori said matter-of-factly. “A growing boy ought to have eight hours of sleep each night!”

“Haha,” Shin laughed dryly. “That’s not realistic for anyone in high school.”

“Even with me helping you with your homework? I feel like I do it all for you some days.”

“You do help me a lot. I’m very grateful…”

“What’s the issue then?” Hiyori snapped.

Shin swallowed. “It’s still stressful.”

Hiyori leaned forward, studying Shin carefully. Their faces were centimeters apart. Shin held his breath.

“Are bullies bothering you again?” Hiyori finally asked.

Shin squirmed in his seat. “I mean—it’s nothing that bad. Miss Chiba was spreading rumors about me and laughing with other girls, but—”

“What rumors?”

“I don’t think anyone actually believes them.”

“What rumors, Shin?”

“Something like…” Shin waved his arms in frustration. “Saying things like, I had sex with a fish? Just stupid things like that.”

“Oh?” Hiyori grinned widely. “Is that the best they can come up with?”

Shin stared at the floor. He didn’t want to keep talking about it.

“Well that’s not very nice. Portraying you as some sort of sexual deviant. I don’t suppose they mentioned your relationship with me, did they?”

Shin winced. His silence told Hiyori everything.

“Ohhh my my my! How very amusing!” Hiyori laughed again.

Shin tried to laugh with him. “Yeah—haha yeah—hilarious, right?”

Hiyori was staring at him intently. His lips were so close. Shin could scarcely breathe.

Suddenly Hiyori’s hand was on Shin’s cheek, stroking Shin’s face. “Aww, people really suck, don’t they? I’m so sorry you have to deal with these bullies.” His voice was soft. Tender.

Shin shut his eyes, feeling overwhelmed by his friend’s closeness. He couldn’t help but lean into the palm of Hiyori’s hand. It felt nice.

“Anyway, I think you’ll only need my company from now on.”

Shin nodded. He parted his lips and leaned forward…

Hiyori broke apart and leaned back in his chair again. He erased the stack of code on the monitor in front of them. “Let’s go back to the top for our lesson, shall we?”

Shin bolted upright in his seat and nodded.

It was still hard as hell to concentrate after that.

…

The next day at school, all of the girls in Shin’s class were absent. 

Except for Miss Chiba.

It was a surreal day, with half the desks empty. Lonely Miss Chiba had to bear the burden of the boys’ eyes boring into her. None of her friends were there to give her company. And her boyfriend had stopped caring about her—she had no shoulder to cry on.

At lunchtime, Shin saw her sitting by herself, pale and skittish, barely eating, and he took pity on her. He asked Hiyori if they could join her, but Hiyori answered that Miss Chiba wouldn’t appreciate a visit from the likes of them.

Hiyori was probably right, like always.

The remaining students whispered to each other that the school must be cursed. Attempted rational explanations were shut down. It was tempting to imagine that the girls had been kidnapped by a monster, rather than that they had all somehow gotten food poisoning.

Still, Shin prayed that there was a logical explanation. That this was simply a day of statistical improbability. He didn’t want to believe in monsters.

He didn’t want to believe that his smiling friend, who had cooked lunch for him, was a monster…

Luckily, most of the girls returned the next day. The rest trickled in throughout the week. Shin breathed a sigh of relief. They all looked perfectly healthy. In fact, the week was refreshingly quaint. Until one day, Shin ran into a group of girls by the gym.

Miss Chiba was with them, and she was hysterical.

“Somebody doxxed me online. They put my name and address and ph-photos on bad websites. I-I don’t know how to take it down. Strange men keep calling my number. We had to call the police last night. I’ve been so scared! Where were you all? I needed you!”

Shin froze in place and kept listening. Was he wrong to tell his friend about Miss Chiba…?

The girls should have comforted Miss Chiba then. Or they should have at least offered her explanations for their absence. 

Instead, the girls all wore uncanny grins.

“Now that’s a funny story. A bit hard to believe.”

“Well, she does look like the type who would crave the attention.”

“Yeah, with the way she dresses.”

They laughed as if Miss Chiba wasn’t there.

“What are you saying? I’m your friend!” Miss Chiba protested.

“Really? I don’t remember you.”

“Neither do I.”

Miss Chiba bit her lip. She looked like she was trying very hard not to cry.

Until today, these girls had always looked up to Miss Chiba. She was their queen. They followed her everywhere, and they laughed at all the poor souls she crushed at the bottom of the school’s social ladder.

Now the girls had forgotten their queen, but they somehow retained her teachings. And they turned it back onto her. 

Shin couldn’t bear watching from the sidelines any longer. He rushed to Miss Chiba’s side. “Hey!”

Miss Chiba looked confused. The other girls giggled.

Shin stood up to his full height and spoke with as much courage as he could muster. “Leave my friend alone.”

The girls laughed wildly. Miss Chiba flushed pink.

“Friend?!” She repeated.

“You’re being horrible to her…” Shin trailed off from facing the bullies and smiled kindly at Miss Chiba. “Aren’t we friends?”

“No??”

Shin realized that he had made a terrible mistake. “Oh—I—I’m sorry, I was just—I thought you could use a friend right now—”

“I don’t want you!” Miss Chiba hissed. “Get away from me!”

Shin’s face fell. “But…”

“You’re making everything worse!”

It was true. The girls were laughing even louder now that Shin was here. Shin couldn’t save Miss Chiba; he could only drag her down.

“Go away!” Miss Chiba ordered. She clearly wanted to maintain her regal aura, even brought down this low. And the only way she could do that was to shove Shin back in his place.

Shin bowed apologetically and left. There was nothing else he could do. He felt empty. 

…

“They were never her real friends,” Hiyori said. He softly petted Shin’s hair as he explained. “Their bond was pretend. It was all a game to them.”

Shin was lying on top of Hiyori on the couch, head resting on Hiyori’s chest. Hiyori had pulled him in his arms, against Shin’s objections, and held him tight. Like Shin was his pet. They were skipping their usual lesson to nap instead, since Hiyori insisted that Shin needed sleep.

Shin wondered if Hiyori was also stressed and exhausted. Maybe that was the real reason he was so insistent on taking a break. It was impossible for Shin to tell—Hiyori never showed vulnerability.

Still, Hiyori put on a good show of wanting to comfort Shin. And Shin badly needed comfort. In spite of trembling at first, he finally melted into Hiyori’s warm embrace.

“Was it really just a cruel prank?” Shin asked. “Those girls knew each other for years. How could they end things like that?”

“They weren’t good girls, Shin. They were bullies.”

“But…they loved each other.”

“Oh Shin…” Hiyori shifted position and kissed the top of the boy’s head. Shin shivered. “Even after everything you’ve been through, how are you so naïve? You should know what type of people those girls are.”

“I know! But—they did love each other! I’m sure they did. The way they abandoned Miss Chiba—it didn’t feel natural. It felt like somebody forcibly ripped them apart. Forced them to say those things.”

“What are you saying? That an alien kidnapped those girls and brainwashed them? That’s madness.”

Shin sniffled. “I know, but… How could you forget your own best friend?”

Shin’s memory is clouded. In his mind’s eye, Hiyori’s smile grows unnaturally large, too large for his head.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, Shin?” Hiyori asked in a low voice.

Shin’s head reels in agony. His brain is screaming and threatening to split open. He can’t remember what happened next. He doesn’t want to remember.

Whatever Hiyori taught Shin for their lesson that day, Shin doesn’t want to know.

…

Shin’s mind escapes to a softer memory.

It was the end of a long day in Hiyori’s apartment. First, they finished Shin’s trigonometry homework. Then they worked on a particularly difficult string of coding together. Finally, they celebrated with takeout dinner and videogames. Shin remembers peeking around his monitor to watch Hiyori—who was often doing the exact same thing to watch Shin. Shin was embarrassed to be caught, while Hiyori always found it funny.

When Hiyori wasn’t creepily staring at him, it was fun to catch a glimpse of Hiyori concentrating on playing a videogame. Forehead scrunched, eyes focused, mouthing nonsense to himself—he looked like an ordinary guy.

An ordinary guy who was still much better at videogames than Shin. He was an obnoxious winner, and—on those rare occasions when Shin triumphed—a sore loser.

Shin didn’t mind, though. Not really. It was nice to play games with a real friend. It was refreshing to see a more normal side of Hiyori.

Hiyori was kind to spend all this time with Shin, and Shin was lucky.

Most people in the world aren’t lucky enough to have a best friend.

“I’m going on a trip,” Hiyori suddenly announced.

“Huh?”

Shin’s first irrational thought was that he had angered Hiyori by winning too often. But Hiyori had just defeated Shin three times in a row. And he looked pleased about it. Shin breathed a sigh of relief as he rationalized that Hiyori wasn’t, couldn’t be angry at him.

Relief was immediately followed by sadness that his friend would be leaving him.

“Where are you going?” Shin asked.

“To see family.”

“How long will you be away?”

“About a week, if business goes well.”

“Business?”

“It’s…family business!” Hiyori answered.

Hiyori stumbling on a question would be funny if his secretive nature wasn’t so painful. Shin still forced himself to smile.

“Okay…I’ll see you in a week then,” Shin said.

“Anyway, I’ve been procrastinating packing.” Hiyori laughed and stood up. He walked past Shin’s chair—

“Can I help?”

Hiyori stopped. He leaned forward and cupped Shin’s chin, suddenly intimate. Shin babbled incomprehensibly. His friend was getting very close again. And his smile was very long, very inviting, and easier to stare at than Hiyori’s eyes…

“No, don’t you worry your little head about it!” Hiyori released Shin’s chin and rapped his fingers on his friend’s forehead. “You keep strategizing for our game while I pack, and I’ll return to defeat you again lickety-split.” He left the room.

Shin wheezed and ran his hands through his hair. His heart was racing. That man! That…bewildering man!

Well. Here Shin was again, alone in the office. Hiyori’s mysterious side of the room was right ahead of him.

Shin was flustered, but he wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass by. He jumped out of his seat and skipped to Hiyori’s desk. Surely, somewhere buried in Hiyori’s computer, was a clue, a hint, a way to understand his friend’s secret “family business…”

Hadn’t Hiyori been the one to tell him to grab the truth with his own hands? Shin was prepared to do just that—

Shin paused at the sight of something unusual. There was a poetry book lying open on Hiyori’s keyboard.

Had Hiyori been reading poetry while playing videogames? Probably not, though his friend was weirdly good at multitasking…

Shin picked up the volume. It was filled with Japanese poetry from the Heian era to modern times. Most exciting—Shin recognized Hiyori’s handwriting in the margins. Hiyori broke down the rhythm of the stanzas. And he wrote analyses of the poems’ deeper meanings. Was Shin’s nerdy hacker friend really interested in classical literature? Hiyori often seemed to know everything, but this was still a surprising hobby. Shin forgot about investigating Hiyori’s strange family business, when this harmless book humanized his friend. Hiyori…was a private boy with an interest in poetry.

Considering how Shin had been bullied for silly things like carrying a bag with a cat-pattern, he could sympathize with Hiyori feeling shy about this interest.

Shin flipped through the pages, reading bits and pieces of poetry, but mostly reading Hiyori’s notations. It was difficult to parse, but he could tell Hiyori was passionate in his writing. And seeing any kind of real emotion from his friend made Shin feel closer to him…

Something tightened around his neck, constricting his breath. Shin gasped and dropped the book and reached up to grab something large and cottony—

“Snooping?” Hiyori whispered in Shin’s ear. He was standing close behind Shin and wrapping his rosy scarf around Shin’s neck.

Shin turned red. There was nothing to say. “Um—well—I-I’m sorry,” he breathed.

“Don’t lie to me.”

Shin bit his lip. Hiyori pulled the scarf harder and Shin whimpered.

“Ahaha! It’s all right, Shin. I’m not mad.” He let go of the scarf so it draped naturally around Shin’s shoulders.

Relief flooded Shin’s mind. Hiyori wasn’t mad at him, Hiyori still was his friend…

“I just thought it’d be funny to tease you, that’s all. You’re getting pretty bold! I thought you could use a reminder…” Hiyori trailed off and then hugged Shin’s waist. “A reminder of me while I’m gone.”

Shin touched Hiyori’s rosy scarf again. It was warmer than his old, worn blue scarf. “Thanks, Hiyori. That’s really nice of you… I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

In that moment, Shin believed him.

…

“For My Hero.”

It was a corny title for a schmaltzy poem. Shin sat at his desk, reading over the silly words he wrote for his friend on his notebook paper. He had written love poetry instead of taking notes during class.

Shin learned in History that during the Heian era, members of the court confessed their love by writing poetry. Technically, you would still have to get the family’s approval before courting. 

But Hiyori might not have any family other than Shin.

In the back of Shin’s mind, he had a beautiful fantasy of showing a handwritten poem to Sou Hiyori. And Shin’s words would be so earnest, so true, and so well-constructed that Hiyori would be impressed. Shin would knock Hiyori’s socks off with this one.

Maybe it would encourage Hiyori to be more honest with him, if he understood how serious Shin felt. Shin’s feelings for him were, well, adult. Hiyori, so mature and knowledgeable, should respect adult feelings.

Of course…this poem wasn’t actually any good, and Shin wasn’t actually brave enough to show it to anyone, but it was a nice fantasy…

A hand snatched the paper off Shin’s desk and the fantasy shattered.

“You’ve got that creepy smile again!” Ryuu Maki said. He waved the paper in the air. “What weird things are you thinking about today, Tsukimi?” 

Shin panicked. “Give it back!” He lunged forward–

Maki nimbly hopped backwards. “Let’s take a look!” He bent over to read the paper… His grin morphed into revulsion. “Oh. Ohhh… Chiba was right about you…”

“I said, give it back!” Shin snarled. He barreled towards Maki, but Maki spun around and ran in the opposite direction. Shin chased him out of the classroom but then he gave up in the hallway. He had already lost sight of Maki…

This wasn’t right. Shin had behaved himself properly. He was quiet. 

He had kept the poem to himself. He wasn’t even going to show Hiyori.

He hadn’t crossed any invisible lines!

Shin wasn’t being tormented for failing to fit in. He was being tormented simply for existing as himself in his own private space.

Shin walked back into the classroom, where he was supposed to be cleaning, and he shut the door. He was all by himself, with only the warmth of the sun setting in the window for company.

Shin started crying. He grabbed his rosy scarf with both hands and wished that he could be anyone else in the world besides himself.

His stupid stupid stupid stupid self.

… 

Shin was so exhausted from cleaning and crying that he sat at his desk to take a nap, and ended up falling into a deep sleep.

He was woken up by something sharp jutting into his back.

“Aahh!”

A hand reached around Shin’s head and grabbed the lower half of Shin’s face, squeezing Shin’s nose and muffling Shin’s cry. “Be quiet,” a dark voice whispered.

Shin was still groggy from sleep, so part of him wanted to believe that this was a nightmare. He imagined that his own shadow was attacking him.

“Get up,” the shadow ordered.

Shin stood up.

His shadow moved his hand from Shin’s mouth to Shin’s shoulder, pinching him like a scorpion. His other hand was still poking Shin’s back with something painfully sharp. “Don’t make a sound.” He prodded harder, burrowing a small hole through Shin’s shirt and scratching Shin’s skin. “Walk.”

Shin walked forward under his shadow’s unrelenting thumb. He opened the classroom door and walked down the empty hallways. Everything was so dark and quiet. Even if Shin screamed, who would hear him? Shin felt like he and his assailant were ghosts. Nobody knew about them. Nobody cared.

Shin moved wherever his shadow guided him, like a marionette on strings. But he paused in front of the stairs. Unlit, steep, why did they need to go up there? Then his shadow twisted the knife and Shin gasped and moved upwards, his clumsy puppet feet racing for his life.

Up, up, up to the school roof. Shin was welcomed by a blanket of stars covering the night sky. Then his shadow shoved him and Shin fell face first on the roof’s cold, gray bricks.

Shin rolled over and sat up to finally steal a look at his attacker.

Ryuu Maki stood above him with a knife in both hands. His head was framed in silhouette against the full moon in the sky, almost like a halo.

Shin had come to understand Maki as a fellow loser, but now he looked majestic. And he held all the power that really mattered.

“Maki…” Shin breathed. Fear choked down his voice.

Then he wiped his bloody mouth with his dirty hand and he slowly pushed himself up from the floor. He stared at Maki straight in the eye, and he grabbed the rosy scarf around his neck.

“Leave me alone,” Shin said in a sing-song voice. He offered a creepy smile for good measure. “Or don’t you know what’s good for you?”

Unfortunately, that seemed to make Maki angrier. “God, you really are a freak.” He marched forward with the knife.

“Hey now…” Shin was cornered against the school roof fence. He leaned back into the metal chain links as casually as he could and kept smiling. “I’m just trying to live my life here—”

Maki pressed the knife against Shin’s cheekbone. It didn’t cut deep, but Shin still felt the rush of warm blood against an icy blade.

“It was just a poem,” Shin hissed. “What the fuck is your problem? Are you jealous?”

Maki took his sweet time answering, seeming to savor the feeling of holding Shin’s life in his hands.

“Give me back my friends,” he finally said.

“What?”

Wrong answer. Maki nicked the knife over Shin’s face, slicing a thin red line through his cheek. Shin winced. It still wasn’t deep—Maki was playing with him—but how long would playtime last?

“You know what I mean!” Maki shouted in Shin’s face. “You took my friends from me! You did something to them! You and your fucking boyfriend! Now they won’t even look at me!”

Shin took deep breaths. He saw now, up close, that there were tears in Maki’s eyes. Maki was still the same pathetic parasite he’d always been. And Shin felt sorry for him. “Maki…”

“I used to be someone. I used to matter to people. What the fuck did you do? Give them back to me!”

Guilt seeped in. Shin had always suspected that Hiyori was hurting his bullies. While he, Shin, looked the other way, not wanting to see it…

…But that wasn’t logical. That couldn’t be the truth. Shin mustered all his courage.

“They weren’t your real friends,” Shin said softly. “Kenta Shimada was a bully. He only kept you around to flatter his ego. Once he got tired of you—he dropped you. That’s just the sort of person he was. Selfish, and cruel. He didn’t care about anyone weak.”

“You’re lying! Stop lying!”

“I’m not! Don’t you see? I knew Shimada better than anyone else!”

“I was his friend. You’re nothing.”

“We’re no different!” Shin waved his arms desperately. “Let me go, and… and…” Shin swallowed. “We could be friends?”

“Oh we’re different,” Maki said coldly. He drew the knife against Shin’s collarbone, getting blood on Shin’s scarf. “We’re different because I have a knife, and you don’t.”

“Maki, please…”

“Climb up the fence.”

“Huh?”

“Nobody will miss you.”

This is a nightmare. This can’t be real.

“Would you rather die here?!” Maki lunged his knife forward and Shin barely moved his head away in time.

Shin turned around and started climbing up the fence. One hand above the other. One foot above the other.

He just wants to scare you. He just wants a reaction out of you. That’s what they always want. He doesn’t want your blood on his hands—nobody wants blood on their hands—

“I’ll take you away from Sou Hiyori, just like he took everything from me,” Maki declared. As if he could read Shin’s nervous thoughts.

Shin stopped climbing near the top of the fence. Terror had given him strength to climb this far, but terror prevented him from going any further. It was a far, far drop to the ground on the other side of the fence.

“You don’t understand…” Shin said. He had to rationalize with Maki, but his voice only came out as a whisper. “Sou Hiyori doesn’t love me.”

Saying the words out loud broke Shin’s heart. He had never wanted to admit it. But he knew, deep down, that Hiyori didn’t love Shin nearly as much as Shin loved Hiyori. Hiyori should have been honest with Shin if their friendship meant anything to him. Hiyori should have kissed him by now if he felt the same way. 

Suddenly the top of the fence was looking more appealing…

…Shin gripped the metal wires tightly and glared at the stars above. No. He refused to die.

“Hurry up and jump, Tsukimi!”

Shin kicked the fence with all his might and let go of his handholds. He grabbed the ends of his scarf and leapt backwards. Even as he was falling away from the fire and back into the frying pan, Shin wore the brightest smile on his face. And he felt the stars and the moon smiling back at him.

Shin chose to live. No matter what anyone thought of him. No matter how broken his heart was. He would live.

Shin fell back on the roof with an awful THUD. He was in pain all over. The stars above were swirling.

“WHAT THE FUCK, TSUKIMI?! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DIE ALREADY!”

Shin’s breathing was haggard. He slowly pushed himself back into a sitting position so he could smile at his attacker.

“Do it yourself, coward!” Shin wheezed. It still wasn’t a half-bad impersonation, all things considered.

Maki’s face was blurry, but Shin could tell he was furious. Shin laughed a high-pitched laugh.

In the next bit of Shin’s memory, Maki’s blurry face changed to one of sheer terror. But it was only a flash in the dark—suddenly a blunt force hit the back of Shin’s head, and he lost consciousness.

…

Shin woke up in a hospital bed.

His body wasn’t screaming in agony anymore. He just felt weary and weak.

Then he turned his head to the right and he saw Hiyori sitting there. Eyes shut, mouth slightly open—his friend had fallen asleep in that chair. And he was holding a bouquet of red flowers.

Such a beautiful sight made Shin’s heart want to burst from happiness. So Hiyori loved him after all…!

“Hiyori?” Shin breathed.

Shin’s quiet voice woke up his friend instantly. He opened his eyes wide and bolted upright in his seat.

“Shin!” Hiyori brightened like the sun and plastered his usual smile on his face. “Thank god you’re alive. I can’t even leave you alone for two days, can I? You little danger magnet. You caused me all sorts of headaches! But now you’re alive and smiling that cute smile again, so everything is all right.”

 “Hiyori…” Shin reached out with his right arm to his friend.

Hiyori leaned forward. “Oh, do you want the flowers? Spider lilies. Funny looking, aren’t they? But I thought they suited you—”

Shin weakly pushed himself up into sitting position. “Come closer.”

“Hm?” Hiyori leaned closer, curious.

Shin pulled Hiyori’s tie and closed the gap between them. He kissed him.

When Shin drew apart, Hiyori’s eyes were as large as he had ever seen them. The man started blabbering.

“Shin, you—you—ahaha Shin! Oh my! That was—wow—you just—haha you really just—”

“Got you,” Shin said proudly. He let go of the man’s tie and grinned wickedly.

“Well I wouldn’t say that, I mean—well, fine, I’ll let you have that. You got me.” Hiyori stood up and put the flowers in a vase on Shin’s night stand. “I’m going to call your parents to tell them you woke up. You stay here and don’t get into trouble for five minutes. Can you handle that? Stay alive for me or else…I’ll kill you!” Then he ruffled Shin’s hair and ran out of the room.

Shin fell back on his bed, grinning like a fool.

Looking back on his memories, it is easy for Shin to hate his younger self. He was so stupidly naïve. But even now, it’s hard for him to begrudge the young Shin’s triumph that day.

…

When Shin returned to school, Ryuu Maki was gone.

He was missing the second day too.

And the third day.

And the fourth day.

Shin felt a strange combination of relief and worry. He didn’t want to see his attacker again. But… what had happened to him?

Maki didn’t return that week. Or the following week. It wasn’t like the school changed without him. Maki was a miserable loner who didn’t fit in. He didn’t have any friends.

Would things have turned out differently if Shin had tried to befriend him sooner…?

One day, Shin stayed behind after class ended and walked to the teacher’s desk.

“Excuse me, Professor, do you know what happened to Maki?”

The teacher furrowed his brows. “Who?”

“Ryuu Maki? He’s been missing for two weeks. Did he transfer to another school?”

“I’ve never taught a Ryuu Maki. Are you thinking of another class?”

Shin’s stomach dropped. He turned pale.

“Are you all right, Tsukimi?”

“Yes… I must be thinking of another class. Sorry…”

Shin left the room with his thoughts in a whirlwind.

He asked his other teachers and classmates about Maki. None of the teachers remembered him. None of the students remembered him.

Finally, Shin looked up the Maki family in a phone book and called the boys’ parents.

“Who?” they asked.

There was one person Shin never asked about Maki, because Shin was terrified of whatever he would say.

And so Ryuu Maki became a creature who only ever existed in Shin’s nightmares.

…

In hindsight, Shin should have seen it coming that Hiyori would one day pull the same vanishing trick on himself. But Shin had really, truly wanted to believe that Hiyori loved him.

Now Shin stands by himself in the library of Hiyori’s floor in a death game. It should be obvious that Hiyori never loved him at all.

Everything Hiyori ever did for Shin was only to ensure that Shin would die at the proper moment.

The only reason Shin couldn’t die by bullies’ hands was because Shin needed to die here.

Shin had cared so much for the man. Backed into a corner, feeling the end was near, he even wore the man’s name as a source of strength. But now the mask is coming off and he can’t feel like anything other than stupid Shin Tsukimi, now that the real Sou Hiyori is finally back in his stupid life.

All logical signs point to Hiyori not caring about Shin.

And yet…

In his hands, Shin holds a book of love poetry.

An entire volume of corny, shmaltzy love poetry that Sou Hiyori wrote for Shin Tsukimi.

Why? Why does this exist? Is this an elaborate prank? Did Hiyori write this, soak it in water, and then leave it in the open as a way to torture Shin? Pretend to be both Shin’s boyfriend and his bully? Why go through all that effort of writing dozens and dozens of poems for Shin, only to show it to Shin now?

If Hiyori had shown this book to Shin when Shin was younger, oh, Shin would have been helpless. He would have fallen at Hiyori’s feet. He would have done anything Hiyori asked. He would have given himself entirely to the man, with the happiest smile on his face.

Why show it to Shin now, when Shin hates his guts?

Well, mostly hates his guts…

It is just so goddamn hard that Sou Hiyori was his only friend. Shin knows that he should close that chapter of his life. He ought to throw this book away. It’s clearly useless and full of lies.

Even if there was some small part of Hiyori’s heart that loved Shin, he didn’t love Shin enough.

But oh… how nice it would be… to be loved by someone…

Shin’s private fantasy is shattered when someone snatches the book out of his hands.

“Hey!” Shin snarls.

His bully is, of course, Miss Sara. It’s like Shin is stuck back in High School all over again. Just when you think you’ve grown up and escaped that hell…

“Shin Swept by Eternal Wind, Smile Beaming,” Sara reads out loud. She raises her eyebrows.

“Give it back!” Shin lunges forward and this time, he’s fast enough to grab it back.

Sara sighs. “Look, sorry, but I knew you wouldn’t share—”

“So leave me alone?”

“No.”

Shin glares at her. Sara doesn’t look away. Her gaze is serious and focused, as if she thinks she’s being mature.

They are a boy and a girl who were both forced to grow up too quickly after losing their best friends.

However, Shin made sure that Sara forgot her best friend. He did it instinctively after losing Kanna. His hands flew across the keyboard in the Hidden Room, somehow knowing exactly how to program a simulation that would torture Sara until those treasured memories went away.

Shin didn’t know he had it in him to do that. It must have been a long-forgotten skill he picked up from the master of memories, Hiyori. A frightening lesson that Shin buried away until it rose to the surface when he needed to hurt someone.

It was a suitable punishment for a heartless girl like Miss Sara. Bullies don’t deserve to remember what it’s like to be loved.

“Sou, I want to help you remember your lost memories with Midori,” Miss Sara says. She holds up the purple lantern. Tempting.

“Why do I have to remember them with you?”

“It helps to have a neutral observer ask questions. You won’t notice new details on your own.”

Shin rolls his eyes. “Just give me the lantern and let me use it by myself.”

Sara steps back to keep the lantern from him. “No! We’re all in this together. I’m trying to save everyone!”

“No you’re not.”

“Yes I am!” Sara bites her lip after speaking. She doesn’t want to get stuck in a childish argument. “Sou, please, work with me. I want to help you.”

Shin won’t listen to cruel children anymore. He’s an adult now.

Maybe in another story, Shin swallows his pride long enough to deal with Miss Sara and share his most vulnerable memories with her. But he can’t manage it here.

“Fuck off, Miss Sara.”

Artwork by Sep, here on Twitter.

Thank you for this gorgeous piece!