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He’d been jittery and nervous when he impulsively walked into the toy store just a few minutes before closing time.
It was impossible to repress the weirdness as he made his way to the action figure section and quickly grabbed two identical figurines.
They weren’t a perfect representation, but the resemblance were close enough to be unsettling. All he could see was a decent approximation of his face as he looked down at the toys and he couldn’t help but wonder if anyone in the shop would notice (even though he knew they wouldn’t).
He was just a regular dad buying his sons something they wanted, he’d reminded himself as he’d placed the two items face down on the counter and fished for his wallet.
Guilt-buying, he’d thought with a small frown.
He wasn’t the only one, at least. The only people in the store at 7:54pm on a Tuesday seemed to be other harried and overworked parents, quickly grabbing items to appease their kids (and their consciences) after another busy day at the office.
Unlike everyone else, however, Clark knew he’d also have to make up another lie about why he’d missed dinner and bedtime yet again. He’d spent the evening as his alter ego, stopping a dangerous drug smuggling ring in the east end of the city. But when he saw his sons in the morning, he’d have to find something else to blame.
The lies made the guilt feel even worse but he knew how necessary they were. The boys were only six and they didn’t deserve to be burdened by the truth.
Keeping his secret was a lot to place on their young shoulders. And, no matter how many times Lois and his mother tried to reassure him, he hated that thought that his children were technically different because of who he was. They seemed blissfully normal, and the tests at the Fortress he’d run when they were infants indicated that powers were unlikely.
But still.
It was so much easier to simply pretend that they were as human as anyone else on this planet. That was generally what he did— he compartmentalized the different aspects of his life and tried not to let them overlap. Sometimes, however, the truth filtered into his mind and he felt his stomach twist.
He wanted to spare them from those revelations for as long as possible. There was nothing worse than the thought that they might resent the fact that he was their father.
It was a combination of those unsettling notions that led him to moments like these.
He wasn’t around nearly as much as he wanted to be, and he wished things were simpler. Indulging them with things they wanted was one way he coped.
And when he’d caught sight of the action figures they’d been begging for recently in the store window on his way home he’d given in.
Frankly, he’d been hoping to avoid having Superman merch around the house. But his alter-ego had a widespread appeal to young children and his boys were no exception. One of their friends had had a Superman themed birthday party a few weeks ago and they’d been talking about the various super-themed toys they wanted ever since. It definitely felt like a new phase was brewing for both of them.
Avoiding these things outright was a bit suspicious, he’d reasoned. And maybe having a couple of items around the house wasn’t so bad, no matter how bizarre it felt to him.
Selfishly, he did harbour some hope that their admiration of his heroic persona might make the eventual revelation a bit easier. On the other hand, allowing them to surround themselves with these things while saying nothing about his (and their) connections to it all amplified the guilt even more.
No matter how he spun it in his mind, there was always going to be an element of weirdness to it. And he’d been lost in his thoughts as he made his way home.
After giving Lois (who was in the middle of typing up her latest story) a quick hello he headed up the stairs to catch a glimpse of his sleeping children, the shopping bag still clutched in his hand.
Unfortunately, this had become a far-too-common pattern. It was nearly impossible to balance two jobs and his family life in a way he wanted. Various emergencies kept him out of the house multiple times a week.
He hated letting Lois and the boys down, but at least his sons were generally quite forgiving (for now). He couldn’t help but wonder how long their innocence and understanding would last, however. They definitely seemed to have longer memories recently. And he didn’t miss the heartbreaking glimmers of disappointment sometimes.
It was probably only a matter of time before the admiration and acceptance faded from their bright eyes.
Clark had to wonder if it was possible to be a hero to both the world and his own sons. Most days, it felt like it was beyond his grasp.
With a soft sigh, he opened Jonathan’s door first. His son was sleeping peacefully with his legs sprawled out under the covers.
Although he wished he could wake him up to hear about his day he knew he couldn’t. He’d missed his chance to hear his son gush excitedly about his new soccer team, and the awesome science experiments they were doing at school. Jonathan often spoke with an infectious enthusiasm that made the father smile.
Right now, however, he had to be content with the sight of his gently rising chest and the sound of his slumbering breaths.
Clark paused for a moment, admiring the sight of his happy little boy. Hopefully he could be there in the morning to hear his news over a plate of freshly scrambled eggs.
He took some solace in that and he looked forward to finally seeing that wide smile he loved so dearly.
After another long moment, Clark reached into the shooing bag and pulled out one of the identical figurines. He starred down at it for a second, noticing that the chin was a bit too wide and the eyes a bit too closely set. There was no way the boys would put two and two together, he reassured himself.
In this house, he was just their dad. Dorky and awkward and deceptively average.
He wished that was all he ever had to be.
When he’d taken on his duty to the world, he’d never dreamed that he might have a family of his own. It had felt inconceivable to the young man who’d travelled across the stars. And yet, here he was. Unexpectedly blessed with a remarkable wife and two amazing children.
He could never turn his back on what he’d chosen to do, but sometimes he had to wonder how possible it was to have it all.
Clark felt an uncomfortable flutter of guilt and regret as he placed the new toy on Jonathan’s bedside table. He knew his son would be thrilled to wake up to the surprise, and he was pretty sure this would become a new favourite companion. But it also felt like a cruel irony that this facsimile could always be at his sons’ side while the real thing could not.
Clark stepped back, taking in one last glimpse of his child and the miniature hero who now watched over him as he slept.
It wasn’t enough.
Nothing would ever be enough.
But he tried to push back those troubling thoughts as he quietly closed the door and moved onto the next.
A few seconds later he crept carefully into Jordan’s room, too focused on leaving the surprise gift above his bed to notice that his other son wasn’t breathing as peacefully as his brother.
It took him by surprise when a small voice suddenly addressed him.
“Dad?” Jordan said before letting out a small yawn. “You’re home.”
He seemed to perk up at that thought and before Clark knew it his son was sitting up against the pillows, smiling somewhat sleepily in his direction. He rubbed his eyes, his dark curls bobbing in the moonlight.
Even though he knew that Jordan should have been asleep, Clark couldn’t deny that he felt a swell of delight that he’d be able to talk to at least one of his sons that night.
“Hey bud,” he offered warmly, smiling back down, “I just made it home. And I’m sorry if I woke you up.”
“You didn’t,” his son replied with a small shrug, “I wasn’t sleeping yet.”
Clark spied a flashlight and book on the nightstand and wondered if that had been to blame. Jordan generally seemed to have a harder time getting to sleep than Jonathan. (His mother had once theorized that it was because he simply didn’t need as much sleep, like Clark— but he refused to entertain that option).
His son was perfectly normal— he just had an active imagination and an insatiable love of books. No matter how many times they tried to hide the flashlights he always seemed to find them for some late night reading.
Clark’s eyes scanned the title of his latest choice— it was one of those non-fiction tomes the boy seemed to love. This one was called ‘101 Amazing Facts About Outer Space.’
He swallowed back a minor flicker of discomfort as he looked back towards his son. Jordan had definitely become obsessed with all things space-related in the last six months and Clark knew there was nothing he could do about it. Lois had indulged it a little more than he would have liked and his room was now covered in posters of rocket ships and distant galaxies.
He wondered if the obsession would deepen or abate if his son knew the truth. It was a topic Clark had always felt both an affinity for and discomfort with, for obvious reasons. In some ways, it was nice that Jordan could enjoy learning about planets and galaxies without the added weight of knowing that part of who he was came from afar. On the other hand, it was impossible for Clark to witness this exploration without that ever-present guilt.
The last time he’d actually made it home for dinner Jordan had been spouting off facts about the search for extraterrestrial life and Clark had barely been able to force down a few bites of his steak. He’d been extremely grateful when his wife (the only person in the room without genetic links to an alien planet) had abruptly shifted the topic.
Although he wanted to avoid a repeat of the moment, Clark couldn’t stop himself from asking about the book. Jordan had always been a little bit harder to connect with and, like it or not, this was an interest he did know a lot about.
“Were you reading again?” He asked, smiling to show that he wasn’t going to get in trouble for it.
The boy gave an eager nod in response.
“Yeah,” he said enthusiastically, “I have to take that book back to the library tomorrow so I had to finish it,” he paused, “did you know there are over 300 billion stars in the Milky Way, dad? That’s so crazy!”
His son glanced up towards the glow-in-the-dark star stickers he’d recently begged to have on his ceiling.
Clark hadn’t been sure how to respond when his son had declared that looking at the stars helped him relax at night.
The father nodded back as he sat on the edge of his son’s bed. Focusing on the enthusiasm rather than the chosen topic made it feel better.
“That is pretty crazy,” he agreed, smiling at the sight of Jordan’s wide green eyes. Eyes identical to his own (and to the boy’s namesake, who had technically never set foot on this planet).
“Obviously the sun is the closest star to us. But the next closest is called Proxima Centauri,” Jordan continued.
He had a very impressive memory for a six-year-old, and a clear inclination for science. Jonathan wasn’t far off, though his love of sports meant that he didn’t tend to spend as much time absorbing facts as his brother.
Once again, Clark refused to chalk these tendencies up to anything aside from childhood curiosity. And he was undoubtedly proud of their impressive start to first grade. They’d just had their first parent teacher interview a few weeks ago and their teacher had sung the twin’s praises.
“It’s 4.3 light years away,” his son added, still talking about the distant star.
Clark couldn’t help but think of another one, even further afield.
A small part of him wished that he could talk about it. Share what he knew about his first home with one of the few remaining people who shared a tie to that place.
Maybe Jordan would feel excited rather than burdened.
Maybe he’d even be proud.
Clark quickly pushed the thought aside.
They couldn’t know.
They deserved a normal life.
And he had to pretend that it didn’t stir something within him to hear his son talk about these things.
“That’s far,” Clark commented, eyes flickering back towards the decorated ceiling.
He couldn’t think of what to add (and he knew he needed to leave and let the boy sleep)— but, thankfully, Jordan suddenly caught sight of the paper shopping bag that was still clutched in his hand.
“Did you go to Mid Town Toys?” he asked, another rush of excitement as he read the name on the bag.
It would be a miracle if he slept any time soon. It was lucky that Jordan rarely seemed tired, no matter how little he rested. Maybe he had inherited Sam Lane’s seemingly tireless military honed genes.
“I’m sorry I had to work late again,” Clark began, the easy lie slipping out, “I had to meet another deadline for tomorrow.”
The boy nodded, a flicker of disappointment on his face before an understanding acceptance took hold. Clark knew how lucky he was.
“That’s okay dad.”
“But,” Clark began again, “I saw this in the shop window on my way home.”
He pulled out the large figurine, heart swelling as he watched a bright smile light up his son’s face. Jordan was clearly thrilled.
“That’s the one I wanted!” he proclaimed as Clark passed him the new toy.
His son examined it for a moment, fingers brushing against the crest on the toy suit. He wondered if he was drawn to the symbol, and his stomach clenched as he thought about all the things he wished he could tell him about what it truly meant.
On Krypton, his boys would have been able to wear the sigil with pride. Here, he had to hide how connected they truly were.
They deserved to be like everyone else, he reminded himself. Despite his own inner conflict, he was certain that this ignorance was a gift.
He was giving his sons the (mostly) normal childhood he’d never had.
Clark watched as Jordan joyfully hugged the hard plastic toy before quickly bounding across the bed and launching himself into his arms.
Hugging the real deal this time, unbeknownst to the innocent six year old.
“It’s so cool, dad! I love it!” He said, holding his father as tightly as his little arms could.
It was the exact reaction he’d been hoping for and it made the weirdness of buying a scaled down model of himself worth it. All he wanted was for his boys to be happy— and while he knew material goods were no substitute for more important things, he revelled in the moment.
He hugged his son back, fingers lacing through his soft curls.
When they pulled apart Jordan went back to admiring the new possession as Clark watched. The boy held it up, making quiet whooshing noises as he made the figure glide through the air.
Unsurprisingly, however, the weirdness quickly filtered back in.
“I wish I could fly,” his son commented wistfully as he continued to admire the toy.
Clark’s stomach gave another flop.
It was unlikely, but also more within the realm of possibility than the boy could possibly know. For the most part, Clark was relieved that the tests indicated his sons could live a more or less human life. Sometimes, however, he did yearn to share these things with them.
They little voice in the back of his head sometimes reminded him that they were unprecedented. And wondered if (just maybe) there was a chance that his father had been wrong.
He swallowed thickly.
“Keeping your feet firmly on the ground is much safer,” he replied, not daring to allow the alternative to filter in right now.
His boys were normal.
They were basically human.
They wouldn’t need to take on his burdens or feel the weight of their differences.
“Flying must be so cool, though,” his son countered with childhood innocence, “Superman can go anywhere in the world and protect people. That’s awesome.”
Admittedly, it was quite cool. He’d never forget how it had felt the first time he’d spared above the clouds, freer than he’d ever expected to be.
Still, those abilities came at a price.
“I’m sure there are a few downsides,” he commented, feeling a bit bad for dashing his son’s idealized picture of things.
He couldn’t help it, though. He grappled with those downsides constantly and, even if he couldn’t share things now, maybe his sons would need to know that one day.
“But,” he began again, his voice taking on a more positive tone, “I was thinking we could put this Superman right here,” Clark picked up the toy and placed it on the headboard’s flat surface. “So that he can protect you while you sleep.”
He could see his son thinking that through before another sweet smile formed.
“That’s a good idea,” Jordan agreed with a nod, “especially on the nights you have to work late.”
For the briefest of seconds, Clark wondered if his son knew more than he let on. But he quickly convinced himself that he was just being paranoid.
He was just Clark Kent here. And it was heartbreakingly sweet that his son saw him as a protector anyway, even with this average facade (and even though he believed a lie).
It felt like the intimate reassurance that, despite his many absences, he hadn’t lost him yet.
He hoped he’d always be able to hold on.
“Superman will always protect you,” Clark said daringly, pulling the little boy close for another tight hug. “And I will too,” he added for good measure, knowing his son couldn’t possibly understand the double meaning in what he’d said before.
His son nodded into his chest and Clark felt his heart swell with love and pride.
This was why he did what he did.
Moments like these were sacred, and he’d face any challenge to ensure that the people he loved most stayed safe.
It was never going to be easy— and he had a suspicion that it would only become harder with time— but he had an obligation.
To the world.
And, more than anything, to the two little boys who belonged to places both near and far— two little boys who were a perfect combination of himself and the woman he loved.
It was impossible to say what the future had in store but he knew he’d always do his best to hold on.
Even if he couldn’t always be there in the ways he wanted, he’d always be their protector.
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Twelve Years Later
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Clark surveyed the farmhouse attic, glancing at the various boxes as he searched for the spare sets of plates and cutlery the boys wanted to take off to college next week.
It was hard to believe that the time for them to leave the nest had finally arrived and he knew it was going to be hard to let them go off into the world.
He had to, though.
They deserved this normal dose of freedom even if their lives were now far from average. The last several years had proven that they were both more like him than he had ever dared to anticipate. In retrospect, his perchance for denial was clear but there was nothing he could do about that now.
He accepted the unexpected journey they had all taken together and, his own nostalgic feelings aside, he was glad they were taking their next step into the world.
The fact that all three of them could travel at superhuman speeds was a unique reassurance and he knew he was luckier than most parents whose children left for school hours away.
And even though they were both very capable young men with the full gambit of Kryptonian traits, Clark knew that he’d still uphold his pledge to protect them. He’d be there in a heartbeat any time they called his name.
It was one thing that was as true as it had ever been.
He squinted at another box, quickly able to see that it was stacked with clothes rather than their desired items.
When Jordan let out a short laugh, he turned abruptly, assuming that the hunt through this mess was now over.
Instead of seeing his son with an armful of plates, however, he was surprised to find the eighteen-year-old holding up an old toy with a playful grin on his face.
It was one of the old Superman figurines. The ones he’d impulsively bought them several years ago, before they’d had any glimmer of the truth.
“I almost forgot about these,” Jordan commented wryly before reaching back into the box and tossing the second one towards his brother.
Jonathan caught it easily, examining the item with a bemused shake of his head.
“In retrospect, it’s pretty damn weird that you bought us dolls of yourself,” he noted, the irony of the whole thing no longer lost.
Clark let out a quiet chuckle of his own.
That felt like a lifetime ago and he was glad the feelings of uncertainly and guilt he’d once felt had now largely passed. Things hadn’t been easy, but letting the boys in on the secret had been right.
After a couple of rocky years, they both seemed to embrace it now. They often joined him at the Fortress to learn from Lara and they’d put in the hard work necessary to hone their powers. They’d arrived at a point where they were proud of being part Kryptonian— and, much to Clark’s trepidation and pride, they’d recently begun discussing when and how they might follow his path.
What had once felt like an impossible vision was now surprisingly tangible.
And the first time they’d all flown side by side that spring he’d had to fight back the fatherly tears that threatened to overwhelm.
“You begged for those for weeks, I eventually gave in,” he replied, looking at the now-dusty figurines. They had the signs of childhood wear and tear too. Both boys had played with them a lot back then and they’d become firm favourites for years.
“I remember putting it above my bed every night,” Jordan recalled, pushing the glasses he’d recently adopted as he continued to look down at the toy. “It definitely made me feel like Superman was watching over me,” he shook his head, “little did I know...”
Clark nodded back, a slight wince crossing his face as he thought about how long the deception had gone on.
There was no point regretting it now, he realized. But sometimes he couldn’t help it.
“I guess we were getting the VIP treatment all along,” Jon noted with amusement, “even without the action figures next to our beds.”
“You definitely were,” Clark replied, thinking of all the times he’d used his senses to check on his boys from afar at that age. Even when some crisis or another had pulled him away.
The days of eavesdropping were long over, of course. But the protectiveness he felt would never go away, no matter how old or how powerful they got.
He wouldn’t admit it out loud anymore but, in his mind, they’d always be his little boys.
“If only six-year-old me had known that Superman was actually a dorky dad from Kansas who likes apple pie and chocolate covered bacon,” Jordan piped in, letting out a quiet snort.
“They say you should never meet your heroes,” Jonathan added with a playful smirk.
“Hey now,” The father defended himself lightheartedly, “I’m not that dorky. And you used to think my powers were pretty cool.”
“Meh,” Jordan joked back with a shrug, “you’re not the only one who can do that stuff anymore. The novelty has kinda worn off.”
Clark let out another chuckle and watched as both boys glanced back towards the old toys in their hands.
“It’s just a shame these were made before you came to your senses and got rid of the red underwear,” Jon noted, smirking once more.
Clark send him a look of mock annoyance.
“They weren’t underwear,” he defended, “but fine, you’re right, the new suit is better. I’m glad I made the change.”
They both seemed to agree. And, apparently, they’d already started to put a bit of thought into their own design choices.
“Do you think Grandma can make me an all blue one at the Fortress? With no underwear outside?” Jonathan asked cheekily. It was a quip that was definitely more serious than he made it sound.
“I’ll take dark red,” Jordan added, shooting his father a wide smile.
Clark shook his head, both amused and daunted by the thought of that big final step.
“Let’s just focus on getting you off to college for now,” he said, knowing this wasn’t the time to truly delve into what seemed increasingly inevitable.
The twins exchanged a glance and, the next thing he knew, two matching blurs sped to his side. The Superman figurines still in hand. A moment later, they both tossed them in the empty box they’d labelled “college.”
Clark raised a surprised brow.
“You’re taking those with you?” he asked, perplexed by the silent understanding they seemed to arrive at.
“Yeah,” Jonathan replied, glancing towards them, “who needs a family photograph when you can just bring a mini version of your dad instead?”
Even though he knew it was a lighthearted choice, Clark felt a wave of warmth at the thought of his boys taking along these old childhood possessions. Ones that would always remind them of him.
And ones that reminded him of the children they’d once been.
In truth, he liked the thought of the boys bringing these along to their new place.
It felt like a small but meaningful indication that some things would never change.
Clark reached out, placing a hand on each of their shoulders and giving them a squeeze tighter than anyone else on Earth could withstand.
The love and pride swirled inside, as it always did when he looked at the amazing people they had become.
“I’m glad you’re willing to bring me with you,” he said, smiling towards them both in turn, “I’ll always be there when you need me, no matter how far away you go.”
His sons nodded back.
“Thanks dad,” Jonathan replied.
“We know,” Jordan added with another wide smile. “We’ll always be there for you too.”