Work Text:
Buck’s not sure how they ended up here. Actually, that’s a lie, he definitely knows how they got here, but it’s like one moment he blinked and the next he and Eddie are sitting side-by-side in the office of Christopher’s pediatrics office. Their legs are pressed close, knee to ankle, and Buck can feel every slight movement as Eddie fights back the urge to pace.
He can understand the feeling, that overwhelming panic and fear of being called into the pediatrics office without any knowledge of what’s going to happen. Yeah, Christopher may not be his kid, but Buck is definitely fighting against the beginning of a panic attack that’s settled in his stomach since Eddie called. Traditionally, they’re only called in when Christopher himself has an appointment and even then, it’s usually Carla sitting in this position. She’d been the one to take him to this past appointment, anyway, with both Buck and Eddie pulling a gruesome 24 hour shift the day of.
“Mr. and Mr. Diaz, thank you so much for meeting me today.” Dr. Carol, if Buck remembers correctly, greets with a smile as she pulls out the chair with one hand. Eddie’s leg stills for half a second, as if he’s processing the words that were just shared but doesn’t bother correcting them. Buck doesn’t either but he also steadily ignores the warm feeling that spreads across his chest at the notion of him being either Chris’ dad or Eddie’s partner.
“Of course, we’re sorry we couldn’t be here for the appointment.” Eddie agrees smoothly, sounding far too calm that Buck might’ve been confused had it not been for the panic that’s settled deep in Eddie’s eyes, “We had a shift. Carla said you wanted to talk with us about something?”
Buck wasn’t even there for the conversation between Eddie and Carla, had just gotten home after the shift and was half-way through pulling his shirt over his head when his phone rang. For a split second where he forgot where he was, Buck thought it might’ve been Taylor before the break-up rushed back to his mind. Eddie being shot threw him for a loop, that was for sure, but one thing that Buck can’t quite be upset about was the inevitable demise of him and Taylor. After all, how long could he really manage when he’s so in love with someone else?
“Yes, just something I noticed during my examination. Christopher mentioned that his right leg had been giving him some trouble and when I asked Carla, she mentioned him limping more than usual. So, given that you’re his parents, I wanted to speak with you.” Dr. Carol starts, her eyes firmly placed on the computer screen in front of her and the sound of her fingers clicking along the keypad filling the silence of the room as the two of them share a glance, “I’m starting to believe that it might be beneficial if we could schedule him another surgery coming up, see if we can reshift the plates before they fuse any further. I can start looking at dates now, it should be covered at least partially by insurance.”
Eddie tenses so suddenly that had Buck not been pressed against him, he wouldn’t be convinced that the older man had been moving at all. It’s a change that has Buck’s stomach flopping in his body, mind racing through all of the possible horrors that just dawned on his partner before it slides onto the most obvious–money. There was no way that Eddie himself would be able to afford the surgery, not when their insurance was already running a little too thin after the shooting incident and following surgeries. Technically, it should be covered under the LAFD but there is a lot of red tape that needs time to cut through, so Eddie’s sitting on a stack of debt that he’s waiting for reimbursement for.
There’s no way that Eddie would be okay with Buck paying for the surgery, even though he has more than a couple grand stashed away from some early age investing as well as the inheritance that he got from his twice-disowned grandma on his mom’s side. The black sheeps of the family had to stick together, she’d said, when Buck was 18 and got the first message from her in his lifetime. There was more than enough to cover the surgery, in fact, Buck was pretty sure that there was more than enough to cover any surgery that Christopher could ever need. He wasn’t stupid enough to offer it to Eddie though, the unspoken rule of him being allowed to pay for somethings but not others a line that Buck had only tried to cross once. It hadn’t ended well.
“I–uh…” Eddie trails off, leg bumping against Buck’s in what was likely a desperate attempt to find some comfort from the other man, and Buck presses against him as best he can without it being obvious, “I don’t have the money. I was–injured in the line of duty a few months back, still waiting for all the insurance stuff to go through. How long can it wait?”
Buck knows Eddie, arguably better than Eddie knows himself sometimes, so he’s well-versed in the particular look that crosses the older man’s face at the moment. The self-hatred and judgment directed inward a far too common expression for Buck to not know every crease in it. He’s tempted, then, to offer the money though he knows it’d be shut down immediately.
“Well, ideally, we’d want it done before his twelfth birthday if we do this surgery.” Dr. Carol begins, scrolling through the document until she settles on what she’s looking for and continues, “Though, I guess we can technically push it to mid-way through that year. However, in that case, we would not only want to get him in as soon as possible, but also have routine check ups to ensure that his plates aren’t fused too much for the surgery. Does that sound doable Mr. Diaz?”
Buck bumps his knee against Eddie’s again, a steady support in the storm that rages behind Eddie’s eyes before finally he nods. The guilt on his face is written clear as day and anyone who so much as takes one glance can see it if the way that Dr. Carol’s face twists into something sympathetic. She types something down quickly before pushing back in the chair so it rolls to the other side of her desk.
“Alright. Here’s a good packet on the surgery we want to do. And there’s options in there as to things that can help with his mobility in the meantime. I know you guys do physical therapy, I’ll shoot them a message to let them know about our plans.” Dr. Carol flips the first page of the packet open, tapping one finger on bolded words that say ‘in the meantime’ above it, and Buck leans over Eddie’s shoulder to get a better angle, “These are some stretches or other small things that can be done at home. They’ll not only keep him agile, but could also help with the outcome of the surgery.”
Buck reaches a hand over, gently taking the pamphlet from her hands with a small thank you, and runs one of his fingers down the list. There’s a lot of things on here that between the two of them, they could reasonably do, but one particular one stands out. It’s not on the same page, actually right next to it, but Buck knows better than to ask about it right then with Eddie in the room.
So, Buck bites his tongue and asks a few questions that are carefully censored to not be too direct, though he’s sure that Eddie sees right through him if the narrowed eyes he’s given say anything. It’s not until they’re in the car later, each with a pamphlet sitting in their laps, that Buck decides on it for sure. He’s going to get Chris a service dog.
***
“Dr. Carol, this is Evan B–Diaz.” Buck corrects himself quickly, hand tight around the phone as he glances quickly over his shoulder through the glass of the locker room. The door is shut firmly, an uncommon occurrence in the firehouse, but at least this way he can have some privacy while also being able to keep an eye on Eddie the entire time. Eddie, who in Buck’s personal opinion, might be taking out just a little too much anger on the punching bag in the gym given the way he can hear the pounding of fists even through the door.
“Mr. Diaz, hi. Yes, is there anything I can help you with?” She sounds suitably frazzled, something that Buck isn’t too surprised with if he thinks on the current state of the world, but he smiles nonetheless as he picks up pacing. The heavy beat against the floor helps him focus his mind on the subject, the picture of the pamphlet clear s day in his eyes, and he clenches one hand into a fist before forging on.
“I just had a question. I–um, we met about the surgery that Chris needs and I know that Eddie said that we didn’t have the money for it but I wanted to talk to you about something else. I saw on the pamphlet that you gave us that a therapy dog might be something good for him.” Buck pauses, smiling a little when Hen pauses at the closed door with a furrowed brow and waves her away with an apologetic look, even though she doesn’t seem upset, “I just wanted to know what your opinions on that might be?”
She hums down the line and Buck can hear the sound of the keyboard clicking as she types, likely pulling up something or other that he wishes he was there to see. This isn’t the kind of conversation that he’d like to be having over the phone because even though he likes to think he’s pretty much mastered the ability to weed out unreliable sources, there’s a different level of comfort when it comes from a professional.
“Well, service animals are quite expensive. With how much you’d be paying, you could probably easily afford the surgery under insurance. Can I ask why you want to go this route?” Dr. Carol sounds genuinely interested and Buck lets out a sigh of relief that he didn’t quite know he was holding, at least this part was easy to explain.
“So Eddie and I, we aren’t actually–well we aren’t married.” Buck decides on, figuring that is easier to explain than the whole ‘we’re not dating but I’m also Chris’ legal guardian and have been since Eddie got shot so I go to his appointments too’ thing that he and Eddie had been carefully dancing around. It’s an easier explanation than ‘I’m in love with him and I’m pretty sure that he’s in love with me too but neither of us want to be the one to take the first step’ that threatened to spill out.
“Oh–I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed!” Dr. Carol is quick to apologize but Buck’s waving her off before she even has a chance to finish, hand moving despite the fact that he knows she can’t see him
“It’s okay, we get it a lot.” Buck laughs it off, though the knowledge that what he just said was true has his chest seizing in an emotion that he pushes away, “I just, there’s a lot of red tape with me pulling out the money to pay for Chris’ surgery when he’s not on my insurance, so I thought that–well I thought that maybe doing this for him might work?”
Buck realizes with startling certainty that this isn’t exactly easier than explaining everything that he had thought of but he forges on regardless. His muscles feel like they’re shaking with each unsteady step that he takes, feet wobbly in all the right places, but he’s able to keep himself upright if only because he’s close to the locker bank. There’s too many facts that he read last night, far too deep into websites that it got to a point where he was too tired to fact check anything, but the words come spilling out anyway. He’s aware that it’s probably annoying from Dr. Carol’s perspective, a man who isn’t even the real parent of one of her patient’s calling and rambling about something that he’s sure she’s well-versed in, but she seems more amused than anything. He stops easily, though, when she clears her throat in what he suspects is a well-meaning gesture.
“I understand.” Dr. Carol agrees, though her tone sounds like she doesn’t but is willing to go along with it for the sake of her patient regardless, and Buck is suddenly thankful. He glances out of the glass window, eyes locking with Eddie’s for a moment as his partner lets the punching bag swing into his arm. It’s probably painful, definitely going to leave a bruise, but Buck isn’t going to bring up the fact that the injury is probably the closest thing to intentional that Eddie will ever allow him to see.
“Is this number you’re calling from a good number to reach you by?” Dr. Carol asks after a moment and Buck hums in agreement, finally stalling his pacing as he collapses onto the bench with a steady certainty that this is the right decision.
“Yeah, yes.” Buck isn’t really sure why she needs his number, not until she continues to inform him that she’ll text him a link to a local training service that specializes in service dogs for mobility issues. Buck bids her a soft goodbye between many thank yous and by the time he’s hanging up, Eddie is forcing the door open with a sweaty hand. His eyes are raging storms that Buck is desperate to calm but even moving a hand outwards has the older man flinching back from him.
“What was that about?” Eddie asks instead, voice muffled as he yanks his shirt over his head and Buck wonders for a split second how he should explain it. He can’t just come out and say it, not at all prepared for the fight that it may devolve into, but there has to be some logical explanation that isn’t Buck just blurting out that he’s getting them a dog. Though, Buck might want to mention that before he goes to buy the dog. That’s important.
“Nothing.” Buck decides instead, lying through his teeth as he pockets his phone as it dings and digs through their joint locker in search of the sweatshirt he’d stolen from Eddie’s closet that morning, “I’m still following you home right?”
***
The sanctuary that Dr. Carol sends him is only about a fifteen minute drive from his place, though it turns into nearly forty-five due to traffic because he had decided to pick the absolute worst time to schedule the appointment. An appointment at noon on a Friday in Los Angeles is probably the absolute worst idea that Buck has ever had, and that’s saying something. It’s actually saying a lot but Buck decides to ignore it, shoving that thought into the box that he keeps hidden as he tosses his car into park.
Buck isn’t really sure what he expected but he truly wasn’t expecting it to just be a normal house off of one of LA’s residential streets where he can see kids riding bikes and parent’s cooking outside. He had expected maybe something similar to the shelter downtown or one of the other sanctuaries that has that annoying fake grass that he hates. The building he’s parked in front of looks just like a regular house and Buck’s sure that he would’ve thought he was in the wrong place had it not been for the peeling sign that’s blowing in the wind.
He’s halfway up the sideway and about to second guess himself when the door opens, revealing a blonde lady that’s radiating happiness even from behind the screened door. There’s more than a few dogs behind her, most sitting well-behaved, but two smaller ones that are yapping to their heart's content. If he wasn’t here for Christopher, Buck’s almost certain that he’d be taking both of them home tonight, though he’s sure that they’d hate him for the rest of their lives.
“You must be Mr. Diaz! Carol’s told me so much about you, please, come in, come in.” She hustles the other dogs back, hands waving and mouth clicking in an attempt to shoo them all back as Buck tries to slide himself through a crack in the door. One of the little dogs, some kind of chihuahua mix that has his heart melting as he catches sight of it’s lopsided ear bites at him once before it walks up against his leg.
“Sorry about these two, I found them out on the street two weeks ago. They’re still getting used to everything, real sweethearts though, I promise!” The woman smiles brightly and Buck can’t help but smile back, bending down to scratch his hand over one of the tiny dog’s heads. He stops, guilt seeping in when he realizes that he shouldn’t be petting them, but the woman must see his fear because she’s quick to start talking again.
“Oh don’t worry! They’re not in training, none of the dogs that I have in current training are out today since we’re hoping to get you fit for a dog.” She smiles again, waving her hand so that he can follow her out to the backyard, and the smile grows on his face as he catches sight of the dogs running around the grass, “So, my name is Ellie, I’m sorry, I didn’t actually say that did I? Hi!”
“Don’t worry about it! I’m Buck!” Buck laughs under his breath, extending one hand towards Ellie and shaking it, before turning back to survey the yard. He’s not quite sure what he’s looking for though he definitely wants something big enough that it could potentially help Chris from falling but not big enough that it would hurt him if they get too rowdy. There’s plenty of dogs that fit that bill but Buck hasn’t even had a chance to sit down with Ellie yet so he isn’t sure who he’s looking for.
“Well, Buck, welcome to Ellie’s Excellent Dog Matching Service!” She does jazz hands at the end, lips turned up in a smile that she seems to be trying to fight back, and Buck’s pretty sure that if he wasn’t so gone on Eddie, he’d be half-way to in love right now, “So, why don’t you tell me what you’re looking for? I’m assuming this is for your kid?”
Buck stalls for a moment, wondering if it’d be easier to just say yes and get on with it, but he’s never been one who can swallow lies well. Plus, it feels wrong to start off on that foot, when she’s trusting him with one of the dogs that she’s probably raised and trained for years. So he shakes his head, running his hands down his pants to wipe off imaginary sweat, and keeps his eyes locked on the yard.
“It’s for my best friend’s son. I–I love that kid to death and I’m totally paying for everything, but yeah, it’s for him. He’s got cerebral palsy and there’s this surgery that’s super expensive that I’m not allowed to pay for, so I wanted to do something else. Dr. Carol recommended me here.” Buck waves his hand out across the yard, like it answers all of the questions that he doesn’t want to, but Ellie’s brow furrows for a moment before her face smooths back out into something between amusement and contagious happiness.
“So it’s for your son?” She repeats, an eyebrow raised as if she dares him to argue, and when Buck does open his mouth to say something, she continues, “Family doesn’t end with blood Buck. It’s clear that you love this kid, and his father, which in my book definitely means you’re family. Plus, service animals aren’t cheap and the fact that you’re here, well–I can tell you love them.”
Buck can’t really deny that because it’s true, it’s so true that it hurts sometimes how much he aches to be a part of their family every day, so he just keeps his mouth shut. He nods once though, to show he’s still listening, and Ellie seems to accept that as a good enough answer because soon she’s continuing.
“Oookay, anyway, what exactly are you looking for in terms of your dog?” She smiles again, turning to survey the yard and Buck’s pretty sure that her eyes lock on the same one he’s spotted–a golden retriever sniffing at a tree with its paws resting on either side of the trunk, “That’s Faith, she’s enjoying running around again. We had her inside for a while, she had some complications with her pregnancy when I got her. Though all her pups are almost a year old now.”
It strikes him then and there that he picked the right place. There was something so oddly satisfying about knowing that Ellie not only cared for each and every dog but took in ones that needed help. Her website said something about doing so but seeing it in action really settles the anxiety that had been twisting in Buck’s gut.
“Mostly mobility, like I said, he’s got cerebral palsy and without the surgery, he could have some issues with stumbling and picking things up, stuff like that. At school, it’s not such a big deal because he’s got friends and staff that are there to help whenever he needs it, but I just–he likes his independence.” Buck shrugs his shoulders just a bit, dropping his eyes to the ground and watches as a border collie come skidding to a stop into his shins, “Plus, he’s gets nightmares a lot and I know that he spends more time awake than he wants to admit so I just thought, maybe having someone that can help would be really good.”
Ellie nods her head, somehow taking it all in despite the chaos around them and Buck applauds her in his head, his mind running miles faster than it should as he takes in his surroundings. He’s always been an animal guy, that’s been proven far too many times by many trips to the zoo, and being around animals has never failed to make his mind fade into happiness. Especially dogs, he has a soft spot for dogs.
“Of course, well we’ve got a couple options. Now, I would really like for your son to be here for the best matching, but here’s what I can do instead. How about we go through a few options today, you can meet the dogs, then we can maybe set up a meet with the dogs we choose and the kid, see what works best?” Ellie offers, already making her way to the picnic table that’s sat under a tree with her laptop gripped firmly at her side. Buck scrambles to keep up, mind whirring as he tries to put together exactly how he’s going to explain this entire situation to Eddie. They’re going to have to do the meeting at his house, Buck’s apartment not only doesn’t have enough room, but doesn’t allow dogs either, which means that he’s going to have to explain it sooner rather than later. Buck swallows back that idea, pretending it doesn’t twist in his gut uncomfortably, and instead directs a smile at Ellie.
“That sounds like a good idea. Whatever you think will be best, I’ve done some research, but I’m willing to follow your lead on this.” Buck nods his head, leaning one elbow on the table so he can prop his chin up on it and smiles when a dog jumps onto the bench beside him. They’re clearly not working right now, Buck’s already sure of that, but it still warms his heart when a small dog flops onto the bench beside him with her head resting in his lap.
“Well, for what you’re wanting, I’d say it probably would sound best for a lab or a golden retriever, but of course, we can do any dog you feel most comfortable with.” Ellie starts, pushing open the laptop and nudging it gently into the middle of the table so they can both look at it, “As you’re looking for a mobility dog and since, from what I’m gathering, your kid’s probably around 4 to 5 feet, I’m going to draw the line at anything smaller than say about 2 and a half feet, just to be safe.” Ellie clicks on something on the screen, though Buck can barely see it with the way the sun is hitting, and it refreshes with a list of dogs, “These are all the dogs that I have that could fit that, why don’t you look through a few and we can go from there?”
Buck nods, murmuring a ‘thank you’ under his breath as she rounds the laptop towards him and stands up. She dusts herself off and bends down to scratch one of the smaller dogs behind the ears, smiling softly before disappearing into the shed nearby. Buck scrolls through the list quickly, just glancing over them for a moment, and takes a steadying breath. Eddie is going to kill him.
***
“Okay–before you say no, hear me out.” Buck starts immediately as he climbs up into the loft near the end of Eddie’s shift today, waving half-heartedly over to the rest of the team that’s sprawled across couches in exhaustion. Eddie raises an unimpressed eyebrow, hands stalling from where he was texting on his phone, and he drops it to the table with a huff. Chim barks a laugh behind him and Buck watches him share an amused look with Hen and Bobby before the three turn to look at them with mounting curiosity.
“Buck, what did you do?” Eddie prompts after a moment of silence, his voice steady and as unamused as he can make it even as his lips turn upward, “You weren’t even watching Chris today, what could you have possibly gotten into?”
Buck bites back a smile, though nothing Eddie said was technically funny, just the way that his best friend knows him so well has his heart swelling with love. They’ve been dancing in this line for so long now that Buck isn’t sure that they could even end up on the wrong side of it now, they’re far too intertwined to be heading towards anything but the two of them becoming something.
“Listen, I–it wasn’t technically my intention to–no that’s not true, I was totally going to do this regardless. Uhh–” Buck trails off, running a hand down his face as Hen snorts behind them and Bobby raises an eyebrow that somehow looks more unamused than the look Eddie’s leveling him with now, “I–did a thing?”
He says it as a question even though it’s anything but, his words steady and unfaltering even as he wants to shrink in on guilt. Logically, he knows that this was something that he should’ve talked to Eddie about beforehand and doing it in front of their entire fire crew may not have been the best idea but he can’t help it. At least, this way, he has someone to hide behind if Eddie is too mad. Worse comes to worse, he can just call Ellie and say that they changed their mind, but he’s going to fight like hell to make sure that doesn’t happen.
“Buck.” Eddie levels him with an unamused tone and pursed lips, looking thoroughly unimpressed even though he logically has no idea what is about to happen. Buck bites back the words that want to come spilling past, he needs to come up with a good way to say this that won’t cause his best friend to go into a panic attack.
“Like I said–uhhh…I may have scheduled an appointment at your house for Thursday for Chris and you to meet a few service dog candidates?” Buck spills, wiping his hands down his pants before clasping them behind his back with a smile that probably falls on the wrong side of too innocent. Hen coos in the background and Bobby merely rolls his eyes, huffing an amused noise as he turns back around to whatever he was doing before he arrived. Chim makes a noise that sounds almost disappointed, like he was hoping for something more juicy than that so he could share it with Maddie. Buck’s kind of glad that it didn’t seem like the situation was too abnormal, he’d been concerned about that ever since he broached the topic to Dr. Carol. Buying your best friend’s son a service animal was something that Buck wasn’t sure was normal, but at least it seemed to be to the 118.
“You–what?” Eddie stumbles over his words, mouth snapping shut with an audible click as he glances over to where the rest of the team have returned to sprawling across the couches before standing. He shoves the phone into his pocket, hand straying out to wrap long fingers around Buck’s wrist, and with a gentle tug, the two are disappearing down the stairs.
Eddie bypasses the locker room completely, fingers still wrapped loosely around Buck’s wrist, and he keeps dragging until they end up near the broom closet on the back wall. The way that their station was set up was, admittedly, possibly not the best design but at least they were mostly hidden from view of others. Buck considers that a win, if the slightly stormy expression on Eddie’s face had anything to say.
“Buck, what the hell?” Eddie hisses and his hand falls to his waist, clenching into a fist as if he’s trying to find something to steady himself with. Buck takes a step back, half-tempted to raise his hands in a sympathetic gesture but thinks better of it when Eddie follows him a step. They’re so close that Buck can practically feel each exhale that Eddie makes, the way his chest heaves with frustration and probably more than a little anxiety. Yeah, he probably should’ve talked about this with Eddie before he went all in. Now, damage control.
“Well–I—” Buck stutters over his words and wants to hit himself on the forehead, guilt swirling around in his stomach fast enough that it makes him feel a little sick, “I’ll pay for everything, I promise, and–and I’ve already talked to Carla so–”
Eddie’s vibrating with what Buck assumes to be frustration, his face morphed into a look that makes Buck go suddenly silent. He’s seen Eddie angry, seen Eddie frustrated, but this is a new expression that he can’t say he’s ever seen before. It makes him regret ever bringing this up.
“Why didn’t you talk to me about this? I would’ve told you no. Man, we work 24 hour shifts, my backyard is a mess, and there’s no way that Chris can manage the care on his own on days where we work all day! There’s only so much that Carla and Pepa can do!” Eddie runs a hand through his hair, tugging on it gently, and Buck aches for a moment to be able to grab his hand to reassure him. There were a lot of reasons that he didn’t run this idea past Eddie first–the argument of it being too much, an obvious first, but he also knows that even if they got past that, the stress of it all would add too much onto Eddie’s plate. He’s still recovering, though he will never admit it, from the gunshot wound that was mere months ago. Ana leaving in a huff two weeks ago, when she’d come over to find the three of them piled onto the couch watching a movie, had just been the icing on the cake.
“I know, I know but listen. It wouldn’t be one that Chris necessarily has to take to school, he’s got friends and the staff there could help. And we–we have two days off the next two days, so we could clean the backyard and I mean, it can’t be that hard to install a doggie door.” Buck plactates, desperate in his attempt to convince that he doesn’t register the sound of footfalls as the rest of his team start to come down for the end of their shift, “Eddie, we can make this work, come on, we’ve got each other's back. Even Dr. Carol said it might be a good idea!”
Eddie’s face shutters for a moment, a soft expression breaking through the hard exterior as if he’s genuinely touched about something that was just said and Buck desperately combs his brain for whatever could’ve caused such a reaction.
“Look, man, if you really don’t want to do this, I’ll call Ellie back and cancel. I should’ve ran it past you, I just wanted to help.” Buck shrugs his shoulders a little, rolling them inward in an attempt to make himself seem smaller, and Eddie folds like a deck of cards. It wasn’t Buck’s intention to shove this idea onto him and he gets that it can be a big stressor for the older man, but Buck really thinks that Chris would benefit from it.
“Fine.” Eddie agrees, shoulders drooping as he looks at Buck with an unreadable expression, “But you buy all the stuff it needs for the first time around and we can go from there.”
Eddie isn’t quite fast enough in hiding the smile when Buck whoops loudly, tossing his hands up in the air in celebration, but Buck is smart enough to not mention it. He still files the image away in his mind in a box labeled ‘Eddie’ that he doesn’t ever touch unless he absolutely needs to. The feelings that come along with it are too dangerous to deal with on a good day.
“Yes! I will, I promise. So the dogs that we looked at for Christopher to meet–” Buck starts, shoving his hands into his pockets as he takes a half-step forward to follow Eddie towards the locker room when a hand shoots out to stop him in his tracks. Eddie is looking at him with an expression that looks like he’s trying to be frustrated but far too amused to be convincing.
“Two things. We have one day to get the backyard cleaned because someone promised to take Chris to the zoo and it wasn’t me. Second, I get to tell Christopher he’s getting a dog.” Eddie bargains and Buck huffs a laugh, a mock-outraged noise filling the hall as he shoves at Eddie’s good shoulder in an attempt to get him moving.
“Stealing my thunder Diaz? Rude.” Buck laughs, ducking away from Eddie’s fist that reaches in his direction, and then bumps his shoulder with Eddie’s as they enter the locker room. Hen is sitting on the bench, leg bent up as she ties her shoe, and she smiles when they enter. Buck flops onto the bench beside her, barely an inch from her foot, and she shakes her head at him with an amused look when he makes the bench shake.
“Hey, we didn’t mean to overhear but if you guys need any help cleaning the yard, just give us one of us a call. We’re all off tomorrow, we can come help if we’re available.” Bobby offers as he yanks out the jacket that he’s shoved haphazardly into one of the lockers that he doesn’t usually use, “But until then, I’m going home to my wife. Good night, drive safe, all that.”
Bobby waves one of his hands in the air, pausing briefly to squeeze each member of the team on the shoulder and then he disappears through the garage door. Chim bites back a yawn, eyes watering a little as he runs a hand down his tired face, but he manages a smile regardless. They change in comfortable silence, the room quiet but the warmth that they feel surrounding them. It’s a perfect night, Buck thinks as he climbs into the driver’s seat of the Jeep with Eddie beside him, the two sharing a secret smile that he thinks might say more than words ever can. If they go through a drive thru on the way home, sitting in the parking lot and share a thing of fries between them as they talk about the logistics of the dog situation, well nobody needs to know.
***
The next three days are more hectic than Buck had expected, though that’s more a failure on his part than anyone else’s because it should've been obvious. Somewhere between telling Christopher about the dog and cleaning the backyard, it was decided that Buck would be staying with them for a few weeks until they figured out a good routine. Eddie hadn’t given him room for argument, not that Buck really could find one, because there really was no reason for him to be sitting in that empty apartment every night. Besides, he always slept better when Eddie was merely down the hall instead of miles away and Buck couldn’t remember if the last time he saw him there was blood or not.
Today, though, today was the day, and Buck isn’t really sure who is more excited–him or Christopher. Eddie’s got a smile firmly in place, looking more amused than excited, as he watches Buck and Chris rush around the house in an attempt to get everything done at the last minute. There’s a kennel that’s yet to be set up in the corner of the living room, something that Buck promised to get to but never quite did, but Eddie isn’t too upset over it.
“Hey, slow down.” Eddie murmurs, reaching an arm out to snatch it around Buck’s shoulders in an attempt to make the man stop his frantic movements. Chris stalls as well, as if he’s the one being grabbed, but Eddie just smiles at him and waves him off. Buck smiles a little when Eddie’s arm tightens around his shoulder, pulling him just close enough that they’re leaning against one another on the wall. It feels like a family, Buck thinks as he watches Christopher rush around the house in a mad-man race to clean up the legos that he’s left all over the place.
“You excited Eds?” Buck asks softly and warmth shoots through his stomach when Eddie’s fingers brush delicately against his from where their hands are hanging beside one another at their sides, “Of course you are, even if you’ve got your ‘I don’t have emotions’ face on.”
Buck gently digs an elbow into Eddie’s side, turning his head against the wall until he can look at his partner with a smile, and it grows when Eddie rolls his eyes exaggeratedly.
“Sure, Buck.” Eddie rolls his eyes, arching his back so he can push off the wall and swooping down to grab a run-away ball. Buck watches as he tosses it in a perfect arch to land it in the toy bucket that they’d stationed near the television stand.
“Hmm, I always would’ve thought you’d have played football.” Buck comments, pushing off the wall in the same way as he follows after Eddie into the kitchen. On the shelf, there’s three bags of dog food that Buck had impulsively bought because he wasn’t sure which was best, and a set of two bowls that Eddie had found. It was all coming together, even if Eddie wasn’t quite ready to admit it, and Buck’s bouncing with happiness as the realization sets in.
“I was, wide receiver. Played basketball too though, at the local youth center down the street from my house.” Eddie murmurs, tossing a hesitant smile over his face before gently nudging the newly-made dog door with his foot, “I’m still not sure about this, are you sure the lock you installed will work?”
Buck has to physically resist the urge to roll his eyes but he also can’t help the amusement that swirls in his stomach at Eddie’s blatant distrust of technology. He uses one finger to tell Eddie to wait for a moment before opening the back door with his other hand.
“Watch, Eddie, as I’ve said, it can’t open this way.” Buck explains, gently nudging at the door with his foot and watching as it bounces back against him uselessly, “The only way it can is if they have the collar on. And as much as you love Criminal Minds, most people will not think to use a dog door that has a lock on it to get in. They’ll just smash the glass windows you have.”
Eddie rolls his eyes at the jab but he looks a little more relaxed at the words, nodding his head as he kicks in a doorstop to prop the entrance to the backyard open.
“Ready?” Buck asks, voice soft as the doorbell rings and Christopher shouts excitedly. Eddie looks scared for a moment, face shuttering from the relaxed happiness into something more closed off as he takes a deep breath.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
***
Despite there only being three dogs, the backyard feels a little too overrun before Buck can blink, even though Chris seems content to just sit on the newly-built picnic table courtesy of Michael. Eddie is hesitant beside his son, his hands moving slow when one of the dogs gets too close to him, and Buck’s not at all surprised to see him tell Chris to slow down more than once. Buck wants to say something about how they’re not going to hurt him, that they’re trained too well for that, but he figures it’ll be better if he gets over it himself.
“Your partner seems a little hesitant, is he afraid of dogs?” Ellie asks, turning her head away from where she was carefully watching to look at Buck beside her leaning against the wall. The dogs had given him a few sniffs before seemingly remembering him, bounding off to greet the new people in an instant. Buck laughs a little before realizing that he doesn’t quite know the answer. Surely Eddie isn’t afraid of dogs, he assumes that would have come up by now and he’s never hesitated before when Christopher pets a dog at the park.
“I–I don’t think so?” Buck hums in curiosity, eyes tracing Eddie as he gently slides down onto the bench beside Chris and slings an arm across the back of his son, “I’ve seen him interact with dogs before? Maybe just cause it’s–ya know, gonna be his?”
At least, Buck hopes that’s what it is, because if Eddie is afraid of dogs and didn’t tell him, he’s never going to live it down. Christopher is bent over, talking softly at a small golden that Buck thinks is named Gia while the other two dogs chase each other around the yard and while it’s a cute scene, he can’t quite take his eyes off of Eddie. The older man is leaning back against the table on the back of the bench, one arm still tossed lazily around where Chris had been sitting against moments before, and he’s watching the interaction with the softest smile that Buck thinks he’s ever seen. It’s only been topped, Buck thinks, on Halloween last year when he helped Christopher make a firefighter costume that looked almost identical to Eddie’s.
“I think they’ve made up their minds.” Ellie comments, smiling wide as she watches Eddie glances up at them and then back at Gia with wide eyes that seem to be filled with hope, and Buck nods his head along with her, “She’s only ten months, so she’s still a little bit of a puppy, but clearly the two of them have already chosen her.”
Buck laughs a little, prompting the attention of both the Diaz’s, though Christopher’s lingers on him far less than Eddie’s does. For a moment, Buck thinks that he might be going to turn his attention back onto Gia but he stands, wiping his hands on his pants as he crosses the yard.
“I–uh, I’m not sure how this works?” Eddie pauses in his words, cheeks aflame with a light pink, and Buck didn’t think it had been possible to fall more in love with this man but here they were, “Gia, we–uh, I like her?”
Buck chuckles softly, under his breath as he shares a soft look with Eddie, then bites back a wince when his partner’s elbow gently digs into his side. Ellie glances between them, looking far too amused as she nods, and then pats her pockets until she produces a piece of paper.
“Alright, Gia it is! There’s some basics that we need to go over then the rest of us will get out of your hair. I’ll want to walk her around, get her kind of adjusted to the house before just leaving her, but I can’t see any reason as to why we can’t go ahead and let her stay today.” Ellie shrugs her shoulders, seemingly content with signing the papers pressed up against the wall of the house, but she hesitates when she goes to hand the pen to Buck, “I’m not sure which one of you wants to sign this, I know you paid Buck, but would you like to be the one listed Mr. Diaz? I can add both of you, if you’d like.”
Eddie and Buck share a look for a moment, one of the few silent conversations the two of them have managed since the shooting, and agree almost at the same time. Buck reaches for the pen first, smiling a thanks to Ellie as he signs his name on the dotted line before gently bumping against Eddie as he moves out of the way, trading the pen quickly. She smiles, clapping her hands together and folding the paper into a rectangle before shoving it back in her pocket. She produces another small notebook, filled with hand-written ques that she had gone over with Buck during their first meeting.
“Alrighty, if you guys feel that you need any help, please give me a call. Buck, I know we already went over these but feel free to call if you need any help.” Ellie decides after a while, after showing Gia around the house, seemingly satisfied with the decision of hers. She calls for the other two dogs with a sharp whistle and as they trot back over to her, Buck feels more than a little guilty that he can’t take them all. He wishes he could, especially when Christopher’s face wells up into tears as he says soft goodbyes to them, but Gia is already going to be a handful.
Eddie slides an arm around his shoulder and pulls Buck close as they both blink against burning eyes. Buck smiles a little to him, unable to bite it back, and the urge to kiss him grows stronger with each moment. Then Ellie and her dogs are gone and they’re left with Gia, who is all too excited to explore her new house with an excited Christopher in tow and the chance is gone.
***
The first time it happens is about a week and a half after they get Gia and Buck and Eddie are passed out on the couch as Christopher sleeps peacefully in his room. The television is playing softly in the background, some movie that Buck doesn’t recognize when he pulls his eyes open to a soft whining. Gia’s at the edge of the couch, bumping her nose against his knee repeatedly until he leans forward to look at her. For a moment, he’s worried it’s Chris and he’s halfway down the hall before he realizes that Gia hasn’t followed him. When he turns back, he finds her still whining by the edge of the couch, her paws propped up like she wants to jump up but doesn’t want to disturb Eddie.
It’s not until he rounds back to the couch that he notices what has Gia so freaked out and he’s pretty sure his heart drops into his stomach. There’s a sheen of sweat on Eddie’s forehead and his eyes are clenched tight, like he’s trying to keep something from getting into his eyes. His hands are gripped tight into fists and when Buck hovers for a second, he can hear small noises falling from Eddie’s barely moving lips. It’s not a stretch to assume what’s happening, Buck is no stranger to nightmares or flashbacks, but he’s not sure that he’s ever seen Eddie have one. The fact that Gia alerted and woke him up has a familiar warmth of love for her settling into his stomach despite the worrying situation in front of him.
“Hey. Eds.” Buck whispers, moving to sit on the coffee table and moving his hand to tell Gia to sit next to him in case Eddie lashes out, “Hey, I need you to wake up. Come on man, I don’t want to have to shake you awake. I don’t want to freak you out man, come on.”
Eddie makes no movement to show that he’s been heard so Buck sighs, running a hand down his face as he goes over in his mind exactly what he’s been told. Physically waking people up from nightmares, especially ones that could be linked to being shot at, is never a good idea. Buck’s speaking from experience, but it’s not like Eddie has left him much choice.
“Alright man, don’t kill me for this.” Buck sighs, though he’s secretly a little relieved at the prospect of just breaking Eddie out of whatever nightmare he’s been stuck in. The moment his hand connects with Eddie’s shoulder, though, Gia barks sharply once at the same time that Eddie shoots awake. A hand collides with Buck’s wrist, wrapping around the outside and slamming it into the side of the couch with a force that he’s sure would have him wincing if it wasn’t for the cushions.
Eddie’s eyes are a little wild, fluttering around the room in a moment of panic before they settle on Buck, relaxing just a little. Before either of them can say anything, Gia whines once before jumping up onto the couch, trotting over to where Eddie is still sitting with Buck’s wrist gripped in his hand. She nudges at his arm once, twice, before giving up on whatever it was she was hoping for from him and somehow squeezing her way into the space between where his arm crosses his body until she has ample room to flop against his chest.
Eddie splutters once as his face disappears from Buck’s view, golden fur taking over where he once sat, but Buck isn’t able to hear any complaints that may have come. He can hear something being said, though Gia has mostly muffled it, and Buck can’t help but laugh just a little. His wrist is still in Eddie’s hand, though the grip has loosened significantly that he can pull it out if he really wants. When he tries, though, he hesitates for a moment when their fingers brush together and he’s slightly glad that Eddie can’t see his face when the man reacts to link their fingers together tightly.
He doesn’t say anything, but neither does Eddie, so he just squeezes their joint hands in an attempt to offer some comfort.
***
The second time it happens is less than two days later, Buck stumbling into the Diaz house late and still in a uniform that smells a little too much like smoke. Gia is waiting for him at the door, despite usually remaining asleep with Chris when he or Eddie come in from a late shift, so he’s already on edge about that. Then, as he toes off his boots, the whining starts and he abandons taking off the other in favor of following Gia down the hall. She pauses by Christopher’s door, allowing Buck to peek in and see that the boy is still sleeping peacefully before trotting off down the hall. It’s like she knew the first thing he’d do is check in on Chris, though he isn’t as surprised as he thinks he should be.
Eddie’s door is cracked just an inch, a habit that he knows Eddie hates but can’t help when Christopher is sleeping just down the hall. If Buck closes the door most nights when he comes in off a shift, well Eddie never mentions it but he’s sure that he has to know.
“What’s going on Gia?” Buck asks softly, dipping down to run his hand down her head as she gently nudges at the door with her nose, “Is it Eddie?”
She doesn’t bark or make any noise, not that Buck was really expecting much, but she nudges at the door again so he gently pushes it open with his hand. Eddie’s laying completely still, unmoving and unfaltering in a way that doesn’t surprise Buck as much as he thinks it should. He’s spent far too many nights in the bunk room at the station with Eddie twisting and turning every few minutes to know that something was wrong. Gia doesn’t hesitate like him, instead trotting through the door and resting her head on the edge of the bed until she can bump her nose against Eddie’s arm. She lets out one high-pitched whine as she boops against him again which seems to be what does it for Eddie. He startles awake, hand flying out as if to grab ahold of whatever is touching him, before settling when he realizes it’s just Gia.
“Hey girl, hey. S-sorry.” Eddie whispers around a yawn, voice cracking just a bit as he clears his throat and runs a hand down her back, “Thanks for waking me up sweetie.”
The words are enough confirmation to something that Buck didn’t want to know, the knowledge that this isn’t the second time Gia has picked up on Eddie’s nightmares sitting like a rock in his stomach as he gently raps his knuckles against the door. Eddie startles into a sitting position, eyes a little wild as he takes in Buck leaning against the door and his eyes drift from Buck’s face down to the one boot he’s still wearing with something that’s close to amusement but not quite.
“Did Gia come get you?” Eddie asks softly, hand still running a steady rhythm down her head and Buck can practically see the weight it lifts off of his partner’s chest at the soothing movement. Buck toes off the other boot, kicking it out of the way of the doorway before crossing over to sit on the edge of the bed. He still smells a little too much like smoke but he doesn’t think Eddie will complain, not when his entire body relaxes when the bed dips.
“Yeah, thought it was Chris at first.” Buck admits, moving one hand to rest on Eddie’s ankle and squeezing in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture before continuing, “He’s still fast asleep, hair everywhere. He gets that from you, you know.”
Eddie huffs something that Buck thinks is supposed to be a laugh but it sounds on this side of just a little too broken but neither of them say anything. Eddie runs a hand through his hair from where he’s prompted up on one elbow, almost like he’s self-conscious but not quite and then gently kicks Buck in the leg.
“Go take a shower, you smell.” Eddie teases and Buck knows that it’s an attempt to ignore what just happened, an attempt to escape the conversation that neither of them want to have despite knowing they need to. Buck hesitates for a moment but eventually decides that this is a conversation better had in the morning so he squeezes Eddie’s ankle again before running a hand down Gia’s fur. She preens up at him, tongue darting out across his wrist and dragging a small smile to his face.
“You did good.” Buck whispers, scratching just behind her ear and watching with satisfaction as she pushes her head up against his hand. Eddie’s watching them with an expression that Buck can’t quite place but it makes a familiar warmth spread through him, the feeling of home and love and perfection flooding through him. Buck pretends that he doesn’t hear Eddie whispering a shaky ‘thank you’ to Gia when he goes to leave the door cracked open but he does give her a treat as she trots out of the room back to Christopher. Buck reasons that Eddie doesn’t need to know that he’s rewarding Gia for the obvious help, there’s no need to overturn that particular stone just yet.
***
Buck’s barely awake by the time Christopher is hurried out the door by Carla, eyes still heavy from the late shift he pulled but he forces himself up because he knows that there is still a conversation that needs to be had. The back door creaks open, the tell-tale noise that Eddie is opening it for Gia and Buck listens for a moment until the sound of paws hitting linoleum sounds through the quiet.
“Morning.” Buck murmurs, running a hand down his face in an attempt to wake himself up and because he can’t be called subtle, as he picks up a coffee mug, he says, “Sleep well?”
Eddie drops his head, letting out an unimpressed sigh as he lifts his own mug to his lips but Buck isn’t really sure if he’s taking a drink or looking for patience. Buck is willing to bet it’s the second option, especially when Eddie looks over his mug at him with an expression that he has a hard time deciphering.
“Really? We’re doing this now?” Eddie grumbles in an unamused tone, lifting one eyebrow in response to Buck’s far too eager nod, “You’re way too awake this early. Fine.”
Eddie huffs, seemingly annoyed, but Buck doesn’t take it too personally as he follows Eddie out of the kitchen. Gia trots behind them, glancing between them and Buck wonders what she’s thinking as she watches them settle together on the couch. Eddie slides the coffee cup onto the table on the left of the couch and turns to Buck with a wave of his hand, a silent ‘go on’ that Buck takes without hesitation.
“How long have you been having nightmares?” Buck starts with, an admittedly dumb question because the answer won’t tell him anything more than he already knows. Eddie having PTSD is about as unexpected as a zebra having stripes, something that the entire 118 probably clocked the second he stalled the first time a car backfired. Hell, Buck’s spent far too many Fourth of Julys and New Years sitting cross-legged on this couch with the television dialed up as loud as it could go in an attempt to drown out the fireworks. So, yeah, admittedly probably not the best question to start with but Eddie humors him anyway.
“They started back up about three months ago, right after the—” Eddie trails off, hands clenched into fists and Buck watches his chest heave in stutters, as if he can’t quite get the air in, “after everything.”
It’s a cheap avoidance, one that Buck knows that he wouldn’t get away with if the roles were reversed, but Gia rests her head on Eddie’s knee and Buck knows better than to push. Eddie’s hand is shaking just a little as he rests it on her head, just behind her ears, and Buck watches as he runs it down her neck.
“Is it always the shooting?” Buck asks softly, hating himself just a little more when Eddie flinches so hard that it scares Gia back and he bites back the urge to reach for Eddie’s hand. He wants to say something more, something comforting, when Eddie’s terrified and panic-stricken expression meets his. There’s no words for it though, nothing to make it better, because that’s the harsh truth of it all. Eddie was shot, in broad daylight, in the middle of a city as far away from Afghanistan as he could get, and Buck knows that it’s hitting the older man harder every day that passes.
“Usually.” Eddie whispers, voice unsteady as he threads his fingers through Gia’s fur in an attempt to steady himself and Buck watches the other hand twitch before he’s grabbing for it, “Sometimes it’s there. Most of the time, though, it’s that street. I always know it’s coming too, can just feel it, but it’s like I can’t move fast enough.”
Buck nods, even if he doesn’t quite understand, and squeezes their joint hands in an attempt to steady his partner. Eddie squeezes back. It’s not that Buck doesn’t have nightmares or flashbacks, he’s no stranger to them, but he suspects there’s something different about it for Eddie. Especially when the man always clings to that steady persona that Buck sometimes envies.
“I usually don’t make it off the ground. O-or I watch you go down instead of me. Once or twice, I’ve watched you have to tell Chris that I’m not coming home.” Eddie carefully avoids the word ‘dies’, something that Buck notices immediately but doesn’t mention. Gia whines suddenly, her nose booping hard against Eddie’s knee and the two turn their gaze to her in confusion. She puts her paws on the couch, as if waiting for permission to jump up, and Eddie pats the cushion next to him after a bewildered look tossed Buck’s direction.
Gia pulls herself onto the cushion more than jumps and Buck watches in something that’s dangerously close to amusement despite the situation as she plops herself down across their laps, head resting against Eddie’s arm as she looks up at him. Their joint hands are buried into her stomach and Eddie squeezes it tight once, lips tilted upwards in what Buck might consider a smile if it wasn’t for the shininess in his eyes.
“And last night? Last night I watched you die. And then I had to come home and tell Christopher that I failed you.” Eddie admits to the world, eyes steady on the table and Buck isn’t quite sure how to react for a moment, “I had to tell Chris that his parent wasn’t coming home, again , and then–then there you were. In my room, with Gia, and it was fine.”
Except, Buck’s way too aware of the words that are left unsaid and he knows that it wasn’t, really. Because he left the room, left Eddie alone with his thoughts, and Buck himself has been alone with his thoughts far too often for it to be anything more than terrifying. He squeezes their joint hands regardless and turns to look at his partner, head rolling against the back of the couch as he glances at him.
“I’m here. I’m right here.” Buck whispers, knowing it’s not enough but not sure what more to do, and Eddie squeezes their joint hands when Buck stalls, “You–you said parent. As in–as in me?”
Buck’s pretty sure his face is giving away all the emotions that he wants to keep close to his chest–the surprise and happiness and wonder that come every time that someone mistakes him for Christopher’s dad or Eddie’s husband. Eddie rolls his eyes, somehow simultaneously managing to look both frustrated and amused at the same time.
“Yes, Buck.” Eddie whispers, knowing that Buck needs to hear it aloud, and Buck himself is thankful that he doesn’t mention the tears that well in his eyes, “You’re out family, my partner . That also makes you Chris’ parent.”
The words, Buck thinks, means more than what is just being said and his heart skips a beat without his permission. Gia seems tired of laying atop them, though Buck suspects it wasn’t for her own comfort but more aimed to assist them, but she jumps down regardless. She goes trotting off and after a moment, they hear the dog door flap close. Eddie’s hand comes to rest on his neck, thumb resting on his cheekbone, and Buck’s pretty sure that if he wasn’t freaking out internally, he’d be bright red.
“Can I kiss you?” Eddie asks softly and then he blinks, almost as if he’s surprised that the words came out, but Buck doesn’t give him a chance to regret it. He doesn’t give him a chance to take it back, either, because he’s not sure he can handle Eddie taking it back.
If there were ever a chance for fireworks, Buck’s pretty sure it was right then.
***
The next time that Gia wakes Buck up in an attempt to help Eddie, it’s three weeks down the line the night before Christopher’s surgery. He’s not quite sure if he just hasn’t been waking up or Eddie’s been sleeping better, therapy is doing wonders Buck is sure, but he’s slept mostly peacefully the past few weeks. Now, Gia’s head is resting just by his face and whining as loud as she can manage when Buck blinks his eyes open. The other side of the bed is cold and it’s not as much of a surprise as it should be but Buck still groans softly as he pushes himself up.
Gia follows on his heels, pausing at Christopher’s door like she’s unsure if she should follow or not, and Buck bends to pet her head. She preens at him, pushing her head against his hand, and Buck takes a moment to steady himself by listening to Chris’ breathing.
“You can go in there, I’ll take care of Eddie.” Buck promises, laughing a little at himself and shakes his head as he stands back up, wiping his hand down his sleep pants. Gia hesitates, bumping her nose against the side of his leg, before she ducks back through Christopher’s door. Buck waits for a moment longer, listening to the bed creak as Gia jumps up and smiles a little when Chris greets her sleepily.
He finds Eddie outside, which isn’t as surprising as Buck thinks it should be, though he’s a little shocked that Gia had left him out here. Buck’s not stupid, he knows that despite him getting through most nights unbothered, Eddie hasn’t. Neither of them said anything, though, for better or worse, but Buck’s kind of tired of hiding.
“Hey.” Buck whispers, sliding behind his partner and wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling Eddie flush against his chest, “You okay?”
Eddie’s shaking just a little against him, so minor that Buck’s sure he could shrug it off as just the chill from the night wind, but they both know better. Buck hooks his chin around Eddie’s shoulder, tucking his lips against the exposed skin of Eddie’s neck and squeezes just a little in what he hopes is reassurance. They’re quiet for a moment longer, breathing softly in tandem as they listen to the cars driving out of view and looking up at the night sky in search of stars that they can’t see.
“Gia wake you?” Eddie hums, voice snatched away almost instantly by the soft breeze that blows through the backyard and Buck nods against him. He can feel Eddie relaxing with each breath, shoulders dropping and head tilting back until it’s resting on Buck’s shoulder in a way that he’d expect to be minorly uncomfortable.
“I tried to get her to stay out here, figured she was just going back to Chris. Usually she just–stays until I go back in.” Eddie shrugs a little, though the motion is mostly absorbed into Buck’s broad shoulders and for another moment they remain silent for a second longer. The wind rustles the leaves and a horn goes off somewhere in the distance but Buck just squeezes his arms around his partner’s waist again. Eddie rolls his head until Buck is forced to lift his own from it’s spot, smiling a little as he’s awarded with a tired smile from Eddie as he tucks his head against Buck.
“What’s on your mind?” Buck prompts softly, moving one hand to brush at the strands of hair that haven’t quite flattened down from a restless sleep as he continues, “And don’t just say the surgery, I know you better than that. It’s a little scary, sure, but we both know that Chris is stronger than both of us combined.”
The words have the desired effect, a small huffing laugh that sounds a little too much like it was punched out of Eddie, but he’s smiling nonetheless. Buck squeezes his waist again before turning back to follow a raccoon that’s running across the fence line. In his peripheral, he sees Eddie do the same, the animal a steady distraction for the conversation they know they need to have.
“My therapist–he, well he’s going forward with the diagnosis.” Eddie admits softly after a few moments of silence and Buck isn’t surprised, nodding his head slowly in an attempt to see if Eddie is willing to continue, “I mean, I guess I always knew? It’s just–the way he decided was weird?”
It’s somehow both a question and not at the same time, the tone lifting as if he’s wanting an answer despite already knowing, and Buck just nods again. The road of starting therapy, something that had taken far too many late night arguments in the kitchen, had been long and hard but Buck likes to think they’re both in a better place because of it. The diagnosis of Eddie’s PTSD had been something that he’s sure Dr. Culver had clocked the moment he walked in, the same way that the 118 registered within the first few shifts. Buck assumes that Eddie’s known for longer than any of them but there was a difference between knowing and knowing , a fine line that felt like a wall when it was crossed.
“A good weird or a bad weird?” Buck asks, chin still hooked on Eddie’s shoulder as they watch the raccoon chitter up towards the tree as if it’s talking to someone they can’t quite see. Eddie hums again, low in his throat as if that answers the question, but Buck knows that he’ll speak again in a moment. Sometimes, they just need a moment to ground themselves before talking.
“Just…weird. I mean, we’ve talked about the diagnosis and moving forward to the point that I thought it was pretty obvious. I figured it was just a matter of time before we started talking treatment, you know?” Eddie shrugs again, eyes locked ahead and a shiver running down his spine that has Buck squeezing his waist once in support, “Then today–I was talking about Gia, how she’s been waking me up and sitting with me and doing that thing where she’ll lay on my chest or my lap. And he just looked at me, like something just dawned on him. Then he asked if I was ready to go forward with the diagnosis because he was, as if that wasn’t something we had already discussed?”
Buck nods his head, a small smile tugging at his lips at the thought of Gia being there every night for Eddie when he couldn’t be. It settles something in him, a warmth that’s welcome and relaxing that he never realized he needed until now. He’d mentioned it to Ellie, when she called two weeks back to assess how Gia was doing in her new home, and Buck was entirely unsurprised for her to mention that Gia and her litter were originally being trained to be both mobility and mental health dogs. He had been warring with himself if it was worth discussing with Eddie, knowing that even the mention of PTSD could send him spiraling on a bad day.
“Deep pressure therapy.” Buck says instead, the words there and easy instead of the thoughts battling for dominance in his mind, “Gia leaning against your chest or on your legs. It’s called deep pressure therapy, it’s supposed to be comforting. It’s supposed to mimic what we do when we rub our chests during an anxiety attack or something.”
Buck mimics the movement, lifting his hand to rub at Eddie’s sternum in a quick solid movement, but before he can drop his hand back to where it had been resting, Eddie’s hand links with his. Buck gives it one squeeze.
“How do you know that?” Eddie asks but before Buck can answer, he’s shaking his head with a small smile on his face, “That’s a dumb question, of course you’d know that. I just–she’s supposed to be here for Chris but with this surgery, he’s going to be okay after the recovery? But she loves having a job and I just—”
Eddie shrugs his shoulders, as if that explains everything, and Buck figures that to anyone else it might not but he gets it completely. Gia is amazing, but she’s never quite able to stop working, no matter how often they let her just be a dog. Someone’ll drop the remote or a protein bar and she’ll come running, picking it up without hesitation even if she’s been sleeping in another room. Christopher’s need for her is diminishing, though Buck won’t lie and say that Chris is the only reason he got her.
“I already talked to Bobby, once we both decide that Chris’ is completely healed, she’s going to become the firehouse dog. On days where Chris is sore or needs a little extra assistance, or we just want her to stay here, we can do that as well.” Buck whispers and the words almost get snatched up in the wind again before he’s continuing, “Hen and Athena have both sent me more than enough pictures of all the stuff that the other’s have bought for her. Bobby’s made enough homemade food to last her a week and a half, at least, for both the firehouse and for us to take home.”
Buck had spent nearly half an hour on the phone with Hen and Athena, the three of them laughing over the spending habits of their coworkers as they listed all the things that Gia now had. Buck hadn’t even brought it up with Eddie, hadn’t even promised anything, but Bobby and Chim had both been so excited at the prospect that they went a little overboard. Buck pretends to not know that Hen and Athena did the same thing, contributing just as much time and effort to ensuring that Gia had everything that she could ever want.
“You planned all of this, didn’t you?” Eddie’s voice sounds a little off, like there’s emotions that he can’t quite fight back no matter how hard he tries. Buck nods again, lips tugging into a smile when Eddie turns a surprised look on his face.
“Don’t look so surprised, I know you.” Buck whispers and the words mean more than what he said, Eddie knows that just as much as Buck does. Eddie’s arms wrap around Buck’s waist, tugging the younger man closer until they’re face-to-face and so close that they can feel the other’s chest move with each breath. Eddie’s eyes are filled with something that Buck can’t place but he smiles regardless, leaning their foreheads together as he waits for Eddie to steady himself.
The kiss they share is nothing short of magical and Buck’s not able to stop smiling, lips curving against Eddie’s stubble. Eddie lets out a shaky laugh, the puffs of air warm against Buck’s face when he exhales, and neither of them can keep the smiles off their faces.
They’re so caught up in their own world with the wind whistling through the trees and ruffling their hair that they miss the back door creaking open. They miss the sounds of Chris’ crutches against the rock path until he’s right beside them, looking up at them with Gia by his side. Buck wraps one arm around Christopher’s shoulders, tugging the young boy until he’s snuggled between him and Eddie. Gia takes up her place, sitting right in front of them as if she’s trying to protect them from all the harm there is.
It’s a family. It’s Buck’s family. And there’s nowhere he’d rather be than right here, sharp wind through the trees and a starless night sky above them.