Chapter Text
Sapnap was so done with his own thoughts.
It had started just after he had moved in with Dream, catching himself staring at the man, or thinking about kissing him late at night. Instead of addressing those small thoughts and feelings, he repressed them deep down and hoped they would dissapate.
Long story short- they did not.
Almost a year later, Sapnap was sitting in his bedroom, on the floor because it felt right for the minor crisis he was in the middle of, hands in hair and knees to his chest.
He had never felt like this before. Panic attacks, unbearable sadness, sure. This strange sense of confusion linked to something that was so integral to his itentity, his sense of self. He had no clue how to navigate this.
The first thing he thought of doing was asking Dream how he knew for sure he liked guys- but since Dream was the person he was dreaming about, he didn't feel comfortable admitting he wanted to do many things to and with him.
~~~
"Hey, Sap, Sapnap, Pandas, Snapmap, fucking listen to me."
"Oh shit, sorry Dream, I zoned out."
Dream sighed quitely, frustrated at having to repeat himself.
"Okay. The list so far is: bacon, ham, orange juice, apples, pot noodles, those breadsticks I like and milk. Anything to add for like, snacks, dinner, whatever."
"Uhm- no I- I think I'm good."
Sapnap had to look away from the list on the counter so he could stop glancing at Dream's hands.
"You alright man? You've been weirdly out of it today." Dream asked, concern in his vibrant eyes.
"Uh yeah. Sorry dude, I guess I'm just tired"
Dream didn't look too convinced but he moved on anyway, sliding the shopping list across the counter, leaving Sapnap with a small smile.
~~~
What did he even want from Dream? He wasn't sure.
The first dream Sapnap had remembered in the theme of "homoerotic/best friend romance" was not dirty, simply him and Dream sitting on the couch, cuddling.
The second, sweet, loving kisses.
And it got worse from there.
Until...about August, Sapnap was basically gaslighting himself into thinking he was just touch starved, until he realised that if that were the case he wouldn't get turned on thinking about a man's thighs in real life.
~~~
Violet bruises littered his neck, clearly shown as he leaned back in the highbacked gaming chair, eyes closed.
Thighs, hands, jaw, Dream looked like a very beautiful painting.
He was wearing his suit, the top few buttons undone on the white dress shirt. The black jacket and pants contrasted his skin, long dirty blond hair curling around his face.
The way the pants fit around Dream's thighs and groin was making Sapnap warm in the face, staring unabashedly.
Fuck.
Dream opened his eyes, glancing over at Sapnap who was lurking in the doorway. The older man smiled, and in a blink, was standing infront of Sapnap.
Dream placed a calloused hand on his face, barely a caress as he moved it down to his jaw, leaning in and kissing him, the other hand going to rest on his hip.
It was soft, and just a fraction of what Sapnap wanted-
Shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck-
Thinking about the dreams now were not going to help him.
Laying down onto his side against the wall, Sapnap groaned quietly, closing his eyes even though it was dark in his room.
What the hell even is romantic attraction? Wanting to date someone? Is that it? Did Sapnap want to date Dream?
He was jumpscared out of his head by a loud vibrating. His phone- on the floor. Someone was calling him.
Sapnap picked up the cellphone and awnsered as quick as he could, not checking the caller ID first.
"HEY! Sapnap, I'm going to go live in about 30 minutes, I know it's a bit late to ask but, would you be up for joining VC and hanging for a bit?" Karl asked, his excitement clear in his tone.
"Oh, uh- will Dream be there?"
"Uhm- he said he was tired so probably not."
"Alright. I'll do it."
"Cool. Are you and Dream arguing or something right now? You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"Oh shit, no I didn't want to make it sound like that. We're good, I was just wondering."
"Oh sick! I'll see you in VC soon then. "
"Yeah, bye for now Karl."
Sapnap hung up and placed his phone back on the hardwood floor. A distraction- no Dream, meaning no deep rooted confusion and self doubt.
~~~
After roughly 3 hours of joking, light flirting and smiling so hard his cheeks hurt, Sapnap left the VC, saying good bye to Punz, Foolish, Sam and Karl. Turning around to face his dim bedroom, Sapnap decided to go get a glass of water from the kitchen before brushing his teeth and going to bed. Hopefully he wouldn't get any dreams tonight.
Standing from the high backed chair, knees clicking obnoxiously, hard wood floors surprisingly cold against his socked feet. Sapnap opened his door, blinking at the light in the hallway, and started making his way to the kitchen. Down the stairs, turning left after the door to the laundry room and- Sapnap entered the kitchen and made direct eye contact with Dream.
Well- I can't avoid him forever.
"Hey Sap." Dream muttered, placing his hand next to the glass of water on the counter, "Did you have fun with Karl?"
"Yeah- it's always fun yknow. But I really should'a taken a drink in with me I'm kinda dehydrated."
Dream moved out of the way for his friend, picking up his glass from the island counter and taking a sip. Sapnap grabbed a glass from the cabinet and went to the sink to fill it up, feeling like Dream was staring at the back of his head.
"Have you been avoiding me Pandas?" Dream whispered.
Sapnap turned on his heel, looking up at Dream, watching his best friends face fall.
"Uh- I- Fuck."
"I know I can jump to conclusions, and I get...upset from tiny things that I interpreted incorrectly, but- I feel like you have been avoiding me."
"I'm sorry Dream- and I guess i have been avoiding you, but I have my reasons, and I don't feel comfortable telling you right now." Sapnap said, guilt rising in his gut as he looked at Dream's face- looking like a sad puppy.
"Is it something you would tell Karl?"
"Not before I tell you, no."
"Is it...bad?" Dream muttered, meeting Sapnap's eyes with raised eye brows.
"No- What do you even mean?"
"Like- do you have a secret girlfriend who you got pregant or something?"
"Oh. It's nothing like that no." A small smile appeared on Dreams face. "It...is mostly like...an internal thing y'know- I'll tell you when I figure it out." Sapnap muttered taking another sip from his water.
"Okay. I don't want to like- pressure you into telling me by the way- I just- agh I don't know"
"Alright. I'm gonna go get ready for bed now. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay- yeah." Dream said, a slightly nervous look in his eyes. "Can I sleep with you?"
"What?" Sapnap glanced at Dream again, mouth parting in shock.
"I mean like, cuddle- in bed- not...not that- unless you wanna y'know I'd be down. I shouldn't have said that- I don't- uh. Cuddle. Yeah." Dream said, half of his words coming out rushed and panicked.
"I- uh. I don't know dude."
"Please? We can put a pillow between us if you want but- I've been coming to terms with the fact that I'm touch starved and- I want to see if it will help."
"I- fine, but donyou't expect my feet to be warm alright."
The sight of Dream's happy face as he said that was confirmation enough that Sapnap was down bad for his best friend.
~~~
The gold flecks in Dream's eyes were taken over by black as his pupils expanded- such pretty eyes on such a beautiful face- he was on his knees for Sapnap. He was the most beautiful thing he'd seen all year- pink knees and fluffy hair, prettier than any Florida sunset.
"Please." He gasped, desperate to touch- be touched. He would take anything Sapnap gave him.
"Please, what pretty boy, what do you want?"
"Want- want your cock. In my mouth." Dream muttered, pink lips staying parted as an invitation.
Sapnap unzipped his jeans, pushing down his boxers, and watched Dream's attention leave his face. He leaned forward, licking his lips once, glancing up once before taking the head into his mouth. Sapnap had almost forgotten what it was like to recieve pleasure from someone else- so much better than just his hand- wet and warm and tight and-
Fuck.
Dream moaned around his cock, making in twitch as he sunk down lower, nose pressing to Sapnap's lower stomach, inhaling his scent.
~~~
Sapnap woke to sunlight. Opening his eyes and registering all he could in less than a second- he remembered what happened last night.
That was Dream's body infront of his- and that was the same person who was sucking his cock in his dream, a flash of his desperate emerald eyes playing in his mind. And he was hard. Like, rock hard dick pressing against Dream through his boxers. Sapnap groaned quietly, trying to move his arm from Dream's middle.
"Don't move I'm comfy." Dream muttered, fingers wrapping around Sapnap's wrists in an attempt to keep him there.
"I want to shower dude." An excuse- a desperate excuse to get away from the man he keeps dreaming of.
"Just jerk off here, I don't mind. Please just stay a bit longer." Dream said, twisting a little to make eye contact with Sapnap.
"Uh- I- uh." Sapnap didn't know what to say, frowning at his best friend.
"Should I have not said that?" Dream said, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand. "Am I being too forward?"
"Uh- I don't know."
"What did you dream about?" Dream asked with a smirk, eyes playful.
A glance at his lips had Sapnap opening his mouth, inpulsivity making him answer before he really thought about it.
"You."
Dream just stared at him for a second, smirk having fallen off those pretty lips.
"I thought- I thought you were straight, y'know. There's nothing wrong with that obviously, just, uh-"
"Dream. I know."
"You- are you into men?"
"I think so. I've been trying to figure it out by myself."
"Right. You can come to me to...talk or even try something, I'd be down. I wasn't fully joking last night."
"I'll keep it in mind. Thank you."
Sapnap ended up leaving the bed anyway, and Dream didn't protest further, but he now knew what had been keeping Sapnap away from him for so long. Sapnap smiled a little as he started the shower up, knowing he could invite Dream to cuddle, or kiss, or even fuck, and he would proabably accept.