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Ashtray didn’t like Lexi Howard.
Well, that’s not true. It’s not that he didn’t like her. It was more like he didn’t get it. She seemed pretty fucking perfect. Her hair was always done, she wore red lipstick, like, all the time. Ash didn’t get why she wanted to hang around his drug dealer brother. When she first started coming around Ash asked Fez if she was a narc. More than once.
Even if she wasn’t, he didn’t like it when she was around. Her and Fez were always, like, staring at each other and looking away when the other one looked back. They would sit stupid close to each other on the couch at their place. Lexi came to the store way more than she should. Fez was smiling at his phone when she texted him. It was fucking weird. She turned his hardass brother into mush.
And yeah, Lexi was always nice to Ash when she came by. She tried to talk to him (he usually didn’t answer), she showed them movies, she brought them stuff (“Just saw it and thought you guys would like it,” she’d say). That was chill, he guessed. And she had given them a heads up about Nate Jacobs’ psycho dad. She never made him feel bad for the business he was in.
But still. Ash didn’t really get Lexi Howard.
Which was why he was so shocked by her showing up on their doorstep in the middle of the night.
When Fez was out at night, he made it a point to lock the house down tighter than they usually would. Sure, Ash was better with a gun than Fez was, and he was fucking ruthless, but he had some weird older brother thing about Ash being there alone. And it was probably a good idea. Junkies were nuts when they needed a fix. And when Ash heard a soft knock on the door that night, he figured it was just somebody who was craving and they would get the message soon enough that they weren’t selling.
But they didn’t go away.
There was another quiet knock, and then a louder one. And then he heard a voice.
“Um.” Whoever it was sounded rough - more of a croak than a word. “It’s Lexi. Can I come in?”
As soon as he heard that, he got a bad feeling. She never came by without checking first. That was one of the first things Fez had told her; shit could go sideways if she was there at the wrong time. He checked his phone for the time; the screen glared a bright 1:47 back at him. Son of a bitch. Something was dead wrong.
He got to the door fast enough (not in a rush; it wasn’t that deep). He unlocked it and swung it open, not sure what he would be seeing once he did.
And there was perfect Lexi Howard looking a whole mess.
Her hair was tangled, her makeup all smeared up. She was in more chill clothes than he’d ever seen; her t-shirt was way too big and her shoes looked like she’d just grabbed the first ones she could find. They didn’t match. For someone who was usually put together, she looked rough.
The worst part was the bruises. The start of a black eye had formed around her right eye and her lip was busted. There was blood crusted underneath her nose, like she’d tried to wipe it away but didn’t get all of it. Once he got past her face, he noticed her neck. There were fucking handprints around it, like somebody had tried to choke the fucking life out of her. She was pulling at her sleeves like she was uncomfortable and he looked past her to see her bike chained up to their fence. Fez was gonna be pissed, he thought for a second. He didn’t even let her ride her bike there when the sun was up, let alone when it was damn near two o’clock in the morning.
“Hey Ash,” she said quietly. “Sorry to come by so late.”
“Nah, you cool,” he said, shaking himself out of the daze he’d been put in. She looked so down. He’d never even seen her, like, sad or anything. Usually she was all smiley and happy and shit. Something fucked up must have happened.
“Um,” she started, then grabbed at her throat lightly like it hurt to talk or something. “Do you mind…” she trailed off and gestured inside. Silently asking if she could come in. Lexi, who had just started walking into their place whenever she felt like it, took over like she owned it. That didn’t feel fucking right.
“Oh shit, yeah. My bad,” Ash said, unlocking the screen door and pushing it open for her.
“Thanks,” she mumbled, making her way inside. Once she got into the light of the house, her face looked even worse. She was rubbing at her hands and he noticed that she had marks on them like she’d tried to fight whoever had fucked her up. He felt a weird rush of pride at that.
“Is, um,” she stuttered. “Is Fez here?”
“Nah, he’s out doing business.” Her face fell, and he felt a pang of guilt (for fucking what? he wondered briefly). “But he should be back soon if you feel like waitin’ around.” He didn’t know if that was true, but he kind of wanted to make her feel better.
“Yeah,” she nodded. “That would be good. Thanks.”
Silence came fast for the two of them. Lexi was standing in the middle of their living room, staring at nothing in the corner. Ashtray wanted to do something, hated feeling fucking useless.
“Do you want, like, some ice or something? Those bruises look like shit.”
“Actually, do you guys have a first aid kit? I should probably clean these out.” She held her hands up at him like he hadn’t noticed the cuts and shit covering her fingers. He nodded at her and moved to the kitchen, grabbing the box they always used when one of the brothers came home a little more fucked up than normal.
They hadn’t pulled it out since Fez beat Nate Jacobs’ ass at that party.
When he came back and went to hand it to her, she jumped like he’d scared her. And that didn’t sit right with him at all. Even when creepy-ass Cal Jacobs had gotten all up on her at the store, she didn’t seem scared. Pissed off. Uncomfortable, maybe. But not scared. For the first time, he really wondered who the fuck had done this to her. And he got mad thinking about it.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to, like, scare you or whatever. There’s bandaids and, um, whatever the fuck you use to clean them out. Peroxide, or whatever.”
“Thanks.” And she tried to smile at him, but it seemed fake. Like she was trying to make him feel better. “I’m just going to go to the bathroom to get cleaned up.” She made her way down the hallway and he noticed that she was moving weird, like something about walking hurt her. He watched her go, then went back to the door to make sure it was locked. If she was in some kind of trouble, they wouldn’t get to her here.
Once he heard the bathroom door shut, he grabbed his phone off the table where he’d left it. He should probably text Fez so he wasn’t fucking blinded when he got home.
hey ur girl is here
He didn’t know if he would get an answer fast, or at all. But he watched his screen and saw the three dots pop up that meant Fez was typing.
what
Ash sighed. This was really not something he wanted to tell his older brother, who seemed so fucking gone for this girl.
lexi she pulled up like 10 minutes ago
and she looks like somebody fucked her up
He got a response damn fast.
fym somebody fucked her up???
like i think somebody beat her up, Ash replied. Fucking duh. That’s what fucking somebody up meant. she’s cleaning her shit rn
Before he’d even sent that reply, he got one back. i’m omw home
Ash settled back on the couch, keeping an eye on the door and checking the bathroom a couple times. Maybe she’d tell Fez what happened. He sure as shit wasn’t going in there. She might be crying or something.
—
Lexi Howard felt like a damn disaster.
Here she was at two a.m., at her… friend? kind-of-boyfriend? Fuck it. Her something’s house cleaning out cuts on her hands and staring at her darkening black eye in the dirty mirror. This wasn’t something she ever thought would happen to her. She stayed home. She read a lot, she studied a lot, she wrote a lot. There was nothing more exciting than that happening to her. Cassie tried to appease her, to tell her that she would blossom in college, but Lexi didn’t believe her. And honestly, maybe she didn’t want to. Watching her sister and their friends fall apart every weekend over one thing or another had turned her off of whatever was happening with them.
And yet here she was.
Falling apart in the local drug dealer’s bathroom because of… she couldn't even bring herself to think about it yet. She felt her throat getting tight and looked up at the ceiling, willing the tears she could feel burning her eyes to stay put. The walls in Fez’s house were thin, and she didn’t want Ashtray to hear her crying. She was already invading his house in the middle of the night, and Fez wasn’t even there.
Fuck.
All she really wanted was for Fez to hold her.
She didn’t know what they were. She didn’t know what any type of future would look like for them. Hell, they hadn’t even kissed yet. But she didn’t care. He made her feel seen, in a way no one ever had before. She took down her mask of “perfect Lexi” around him and he had never judged her for it. He listened, really listened when she talked. He wouldn’t even let her ride her bike to his house because, as he put it, “Lexi, there some fucking psychos out here.” When they brushed hands while they sat on the couch she felt like she was on fire.
She really, really liked him.
And she wanted a goddamn hug.
After she finished up cleaning her hands and bandaging them, she moved to the wounds on her face. There was blood crusted under her nose. She had tried to wipe some of it on the bike ride over, but obviously she was unsuccessful. She grabbed toilet paper and got it wet, and started scrubbing at her face. She was so determined to get the blood off that she barely felt it when it started to hurt. By the time she stopped, she had nearly rubbed her skin raw.
She looked at herself in the mirror and felt the tears coming again. This time she couldn’t stop them. She reached up to touch the bruises on her neck, but couldn’t quite force herself to do it. The marks were already darkening. They looked fucking terrible. Jesus Christ, she could have died tonight.
The force of that realization knocked her on her ass. She backed up into the wall and slid down it, clamping a hand over her mouth to muffle the sounds of her sobbing. If Ash was asleep, she didn’t want to wake him up. Sharing a bedroom had made her really good at crying quietly, after all.
By the time she was all cried out, she didn’t know how much time had passed. It could have been five minutes; it could have been five hours. She grabbed her phone to try and check, but her screen came up black. In her rush to get out of her fucking house, she must have completely missed the fact that her battery was running low.
Damnit.
She knocked her head back against the wall, staring at the ceiling. Okay Lexi, she thought. Get the fuck up. Ask for a phone charger. It’s not that hard.
When she finally pushed herself up against the floor, her legs felt like jello. Her eyelids were starting to droop. She figured it was the adrenaline rush finally coming to an end. After steadying herself on the wall, she went to reach for the bathroom door.
Right as she touched the handle, she heard the front door slam open and flinched despite herself. Probably just Fez. Nothing to worry about. But still, she hesitated before she left the bathroom. What if it wasn’t just Fez?
—
Fezco felt like he was losing his goddamn mind.
And that was fucking saying something, you know? He’d seen a lot of shit, been through a lot of shit. Not much affected him like that anymore.
Except Lexi.
He didn’t know where the fuck she’d come from, but she’d made a hole for herself in his life like she belonged there. And when he was thinking about her while he was falling asleep, he thought that maybe she did.
Which was why that text from Ash had freaked him out so bad. What the fuck did he mean, somebody fucked her up? Was she hurt? How fucking bad? Who the fuck touched her?
By the time he made it home from the deal he was in the middle of (he’d left with a quick goodbye and a half-assed apology; deadass, he didn’t remember what he’d said), he felt like he was gonna puke. He swung open the front door and he heard it hit the wall, but he barely even clocked the sound. He saw Ash sitting on the couch, leaning forward like he was about to get up, but no Lexi. “Where the fuck is she at?” he asked, barely paying his brother any mind.
“In the bathroom. And like…” Ash trailed off. “It’s fucking bad, dude. She’s all bruised up, and it look like somebody choked the fuck out of her.”
Fez felt his stomach twist again. “When she show up?” He asked.
“Like 1:45.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket, checked the time. It was almost 2:30. She’d been here for almost an hour by herself.
Fuck.
“Thanks bro,” he said absentmindedly, brain going a hundred different directions. “You good?”
Ash nodded, and opened his mouth like he was about to say something when he was interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening. Fez’s head turned so fast it almost hurt, like something in him was hardwired to find Lexi wherever she was.
“Hey,” he heard her say softly. “Can I borrow a phone charger?”
And then he got what Ash meant by “fucked up.”
Lexi, his… something looked absolutely wrecked. Not only was she all kinds of bruised up, her eyes were all red and puffy like she’d been crying. Her fucking throat, what the fuck. He heard Ash say something in return and move, probably to get her what she’d asked for. But his eyes were stuck to her. He felt like he couldn’t fucking look away.
Ashtray grabbed her phone and plugged it in for her, looked between the two of them, and backed out of the room. Probably going the fuck to sleep, Fez thought.
After what felt like hours of just looking at each other, he finally spoke up. “Hey Lex,” he said softly, not wanting to scare her or anything.
At his words, her face fucking crumpled. She started crying again, putting her hand over her mouth like she was trying to keep quiet. He moved towards her, grabbing that hand and her other one and squeezing them in his. “I’m sorry, baby, I’m so fuckin’ sorry.” Her cries were getting louder now, and he panicked trying to figure out what to do. He didn’t know how to fix this, or even how to make it better. Fuck, he didn’t even know what happened.
“I’m sorry,” he heard her get out between her cries.
“The fuck you sorry for?” he asked. As he talked, he made the decision to lead her over to the couch. He wanted to hold her, and that was just easier to do when they were sitting down. It was basically just for him.
She started talking again, and he had to try real hard to hear her over her crying. “You told me not to come here without asking and it’s the middle of the night and I interrupted whatever you were doing.” She finished up as he got them to the couch, sitting down first and pulling her into his lap.
“Don’t give a shit about none of that, Lex.” He put his arms around her, one around her shoulders and the other smoothing down her hair. It was knotted and matted, like someone had had their hand in it and pulled at some point. “I gotchu, you know that. Whenever.”
He didn’t know what else to say. As she buried her face in his neck, he swayed them back and forth, whispering to her as she continued to cry. Each time she sobbed, his heart fucking hurt a little bit more.
After some time (he had no fucking clue how long), her cries started to slow. She sniffed a couple times, and pulled back to wipe at her face. For the first time all night, he got a really good look at her bruises. Not in the half light of the bathroom, not from far away. They were so close he could feel her breathing on his face. “Hey baby,” he said quietly.
She sniffled and then replied, “Hi.” They looked at each other for a long moment, and then she pulled away a little more to look around the room. “Where did Ash go?”
“Think he went to bed,” Fez replied. “Dunno though.”
“I hope I didn’t wake him up,” Lexi said, still rubbing at her eyes.
“Don’t even trip on that, Lex. He’s chillin.’”
She still looked troubled, shaking her head a couple times before she grabbed at her pocket, looking for something. “Um. Do you know where my phone is? I need to call Cassie.”
“Yeah, Ash plugged it in. It’s over by the wall.” He tracked her eyes looking for it, and saw when she recognized it. She made her way off his lap and went over to grab it.
He missed her sitting there already.
More importantly than that (stop being a fuckboy, dumbass, he thought), he needed to know what happened. He didn’t want to ask and upset her again, but Lexi was the most interesting girl he’s ever fucking met. He didn’t know who the fuck would do this to her, but he had a strong urge to kick somebody’s ass. He just needed to know who’s.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Lexi’s voice on the phone. “Hey Cassie,” she said quietly. “I need you to cover for me with Mom tonight.” She paused, took a breath, and replied, “It doesn’t matter where I am. I’ve saved your ass so many times. I need you to do this for me.” She barely listened to whatever the hell Cassie was saying before she cut her off. “I know about you and Nate. We can talk about it later, but I need you to tell Mom I’m staying at Rue’s tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hung her phone up, took a deep breath and let it out.
She turned back to look at Fez, and gave him a half-smile that didn’t make it to her eyes. “Sorry about that.”
“You straight. Everything good?” He asked. He really didn’t want her to leave, but if her mom was gonna be pissed and cause a problem maybe he should take her home.
“Everything’s okay. My mom probably won’t even notice I was gone,” she said dryly. “She went out tonight and wasn’t home when I left.”
“Where Cassie at?”
Lexi shifted uncomfortably. “Um. Well. That’s actually…” She pulled at her sleeves again and moved to sit down with him on the couch. She tucked her legs up under her and rested her chin on her knee. They were close enough that he could touch her if he wanted to. Once she was settled, she looked at him sheepishly. “I guess I owe you an explanation.”
“Nah, you don’t owe me nothin.’ But if you wanna tell me I’ll listen.” He reached out and put a hand on her leg, slowly rubbing his thumb back and forth. She looked down at his hand and looked back up at him, smiling just a little. It was the only real smile he’d seen out of her all night.
“You’re good at that. Listening,” she clarified. She looked down at his hand again, and this time she grabbed it and intertwined their fingers. Lexi Howard took a deep breath, and then told him everything.
“My mom and Cassie both decided to go out tonight. My mom was at a bar. Cassie was going to a party, and she invited me, but I knew she didn’t actually want me there. Cassie likes to tell me I’m killing her vibe and she’s been having a rough time and it’s making her really nasty sometimes.
“I had just sat down to eat dinner when somebody knocked on the door. I thought Cassie had just left something behind, so I opened the door without looking through the peephole. That was probably my first mistake.”
“Didn’t make no mistake,” Fez cut in. “Not your fault.”
She squeezed his hand before continuing her story.
“So I opened the front door to see Nate Fucking Jacobs standing on the porch. I should have just slammed the door in his face, but I guess I panicked or something. He pushed his way into the house and then he started talking.
“First he asked me, like, how I was and stuff. Then he asked me what I knew about a tape.”
At that, Fez’s face paled a little. “What kinda tape?”
“He wouldn’t say,” Lexi replied. “He just kept saying that it had to do with his dad and he thought I had it.”
“Why the fuck would you have it?” Fez asked, baffled. He knew what Jacobs was talking about, but there was no reason Lexi of all people would have it.
“That’s what I asked. And um…” she trailed off. “He said I had to have it because he's been sleeping with Cassie and he thought she took it.”
“Hold up, Nate and your sis? No fuckin’ way,” Fez said. Weren’t Cassie and Maddy, like, best fucking friends or some shit?
“That’s what I said. But apparently it’s true. I said something about it to Cassie and she didn’t deny it. But, um,” at this she paused and took a breath. She brought the hand he wasn’t holding to pass through her hair and he realized it was shaking.
He looked at her sweetly, and kissed the back of the hand he was holding. “Take yo time, Lex.”
“He kept insisting that I had it. And when I kept telling him I didn’t, he got angry. And, um, he hit me a couple times. He grabbed me by the hair and slammed my head into the wall. I tried to push him off but he’s so much taller than I am so it didn’t really work.” She started to get teary-eyed again and she stared up at the ceiling, feeling like she’d cried enough tonight to last a lifetime.
“He pushed me up against the wall and started choking me. I guess that’s, like, his signature move or something.” She laughed humorlessly. She and Maddie would have matching bruises. “I was, like, clawing at his hands and stuff trying to get him off me but my feet were barely on the floor and I honestly thought I was going to die.”
Fez could feel his eyes getting watery too. Jesus Christ.
“But then his phone rang and I guess it startled him enough to let me go. I kicked at him a couple times and he took off out the front door. I waited, like, two minutes before I figured out that he could definitely come back and kill me if he wanted to. So I got on my bike and I rode here.”
After that long story, she closed her eyes. Her bruises were getting darker and stood out against her skin. Fez used the hand he was holding to pull her in so her head rested against his chest and he had his arms around her again. This was the most he’d ever touched her. He stroked one hand up and down her back and pressed kisses into her hair. “Goddamn Lex. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” she sniffled, nustling closer to him. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Shit, I’m glad you’re here too. I’m glad you let me take care of you and all that.”
She lifted her head up off his chest and looked at him. “You were the only person I wanted to see,” she confessed quietly. “I couldn’t even think about anyone else.”
“Damn, Lexi,” he said sheepishly, looking away and bringing up a hand to brush over the back of his head. When he looked back, her face was a lot closer to his than it was when he glanced away. She looked down at his lips, then back up at his eyes.
Goddamn, he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to hold her and take care of her and all that shit. He wanted her to be his girl. “Can I -” he asked, bringing a hand up to rest gently on her face. She nodded, moving her face forward slowly.
When their lips met, she swore it felt like fireworks went off.
When their lips met, he felt like he was home.
They kissed for just a moment, softly and sweetly, careful of her busted lip. When they pulled back, he moved his hand to the back of her head and used it to press their foreheads together.
“Shit, Lexi,” he whispered to her, like he was telling her a secret. “I’m like, fuckin’ crazy for you or some shit.”
She blushed and looked down at their laps. “So am I. About you,” she said back, like she was confessing to something. They sat there for a few more minutes, looking at each other and trading kisses until she broke away, covering a yawn with her hand.
“Do you wanna go to bed? Not for nothin’ like that, just to sleep and shit. You had a long ass day and it’s fuckin’ late, baby.”
“I like it when you call me that,” she said, a smile, tired but genuine, tugging at the corners of her mouth.
He smiled back at her, then brought his head up to kiss her on the forehead. “Let’s go to bed.”
As she followed him into his room, she was struck by how easily Nate had slipped from her mind. Logically, Lexi knew that there was still so much to deal with. She would have to tell Ashtray what happened. She would have to go home tomorrow and explain her face to her mom and her sister. She would have to convince Fez that he really couldn’t beat Nate’s ass a second time, even for her. She would have to have a difficult conversation about how horrible Nate was with her sister. She would have to figure out what was on the tape Nate was so insistent on getting.
But in that moment, as she laid her head on Fez’s chest and she heard him whisper, “Goodnight, baby,” into her hair, as she turned her head to kiss his jawline, as she inhaled the smell of weed, cigarettes, and cologne off his shirt, she could forget about all of that. She could just feel those fireworks she felt when she saw him for the first time. She could go to sleep for one of the very first times without worrying about tomorrow, even just for a minute.