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All but kicking down the door, Haejoon barged into Eunyung's room with a pillow and blanket under one arm, his heart racing. He shut it behind himself in one fluid motion and pressed his back up against wood, as if by doing so he could bar the things that chased him out of his own room from entering.
Eunyung, who was lying peacefully on his bed just a second ago, sat up and took out his earphones, confusion written over his features. "What are you doing here?"
A fair question: what was Haejoon doing there?
Just a minute ago, he was in his own bed, his mind already slow and sluggish with sleep, when his mom – the ghost looking like his mom appeared before his window again. Haejoon thought he could bear it, push through the feeling of terror. Hasn't he been seeing all kinds of inexplicable things ever since he was young? He knew those things didn't exist. Ghosts weren't real and that thing by his window wasn't his mom. He was just seeing all kinds of things from missing sleep. It messed with people’s heads.
But the thing before his window moved and his eyes instinctively followed the movement and he ended up looking at all the other faces there. His heart went overdrive and he grabbed his stuff without a second thought and ran to the hallway. But Juwan... He really didn't want to sleep with Juwan anymore.
He was the one who asked to sleep together first, but that was before he discovered Juwan’s eccentric… sleeping habits. What kind of person felt up others in their sleep? It made Haejoon feel weird about the whole sleeping together ordeal, and he really doubted that he could bear the touching for another night. He just couldn't.
Thus, without properly thinking about it, he jumped into the adjacent room. The room which belonged to none other than Eunyung.
Seeing his raised brows and blond bed hair sticking up in all directions made Haejoon honestly question his decision making ability. Perhaps he should have just pulled his blanket over his head and waited until he passed out from a lack of air or sleep deprivation.
"Well?" Too quickly Eunyung brushed off his surprise and was now leaning against his pulled up leg, projecting nonchalance. His face was smug. Knowing. Like he anticipated this. "Did you have a nightmare again? Juwan is no good so I'm next?"
As usual, his expression left no room to doubt that he was greatly enjoying Haejoon's difficult situation. Perhaps a little too much. It was pissing Haejoon off, but he really couldn't go back to his room, so he swallowed his annoyance and pride.
"You, just let me sleep on the top bed, I promise I won't bother you at all."
He began to make his way over before getting an ok. Eunyung did not protest, but he clicked his tongue in a show of indignation, and followed Haejoon with his eyes. Haejoon could feel it burn into his sides. If Haejoon would have looked his way (which he tried his hardest not to), he would have seen a giant fake pout plastered on Enyung’s face, bottom lip wobbling and all. "You cuddle up to Juwan all those times because you're scared and you won't even give me a chance and instead go for the top bunk immediately? How cold!"
At last, Haejoon could not resist and gave him a deadpan look. "What, you want to sleep together?"
Eunyung snorted and rolled his eyes. Dramatic much. "Of course not. Who wants to sleep with you?"
Haejoon nodded, and began to climb. "That's what I thought."
He stuffed up his pillow and laid down quickly, pulling his blanket up to his chin. Genuinely the last thing he wanted was to be a bother. He hated the whole situation and hated making a big fuss about the whole thing. He just finally wanted to stop having to look at the figure in his window. Why was he seeing such things? Why did he have to see his mom, out of everyone? Even Miyung was easier to look at, and that was something.
From the bottom bunk, a pair of legs kicked up and found his mattress squarely in the middle. Haejoon made a pained, surprised noise. "Hey, tell me, was Juwan touching really weird places that you just up and abandon him like that?"
Haejoon scowled at the ceiling and felt a spark of jealousy for the spider nestled in the corner which did not have annoying bunkmates to deal with. This was already proving to be more difficult than he anticipated. Alas, he never gained anything good from underestimating Eunyung.
"Why would you ask such a question? I'd rather not talk about it."
Eunyung hummed, but then answered readily. "It just hurts to see mom and dad fighting. They're even sleeping in separate beds tonight~!" Eunyung broke out in a not even a bit believable crying fit for extra dramatic effect, but then still thought it was in character for him to kick Haejoon's mattress again, and then again. Haejoon felt a vein pop on his forehead.
"You crazy motherfucker, stop kicking my mattress."
"Wahh~ wahh~ dad is even swearing! How scary!"
"This is why I originally went to Juwan's room instead of yours!" Haejoon rapped his fist against the side of the bed in frustration, but it seemed nothing could curb Eunyung’s good mood. He grew bored of pretending to cry, and was now openly laughing, very much like a hyena. Haejoon felt pissed off enough to make him sit up and glare down threateningly from the edge of the bed. But as soon as he sat up, he caught sight of the ghost before the window, and froze in paralyzing fear.
Crap.
The next moment, he jolted into action and climbed down from the top bed. He then slipped under Eunyung's covers. Immediately he was enveloped by comforting warmth, and without an ounce of shame, pressed himself up against Eunyung's arm, his eyes closed tightly. Only reaching safety mattered.
Judging by the sudden quiet, Eunyung was caught off guard. Haejoon refused to open his eyes, but he could feel Eunyung turn his gaze between the window and him and back and forth, probably trying to figure out what spooked him.
"Hey... Did you see something scary? Don't give me a scare, you crazy fucker."
"No, I didn't see anything, I just felt like coming down..." Haejoon said, trailing off. He knew he was a clumsy liar, and didn't even like to lie to begin with. He knew it was not believable, but he currently couldn't care less. "Don't worry, I'll move away in a bit, just give me a second." If he could just stay like this for a minute, his heart would definitely calm down, and breathing would become easier. At least, that was his logic.
"Huh? It's alright, it doesn't bother me or anything," Eunyung said, but he was stiff as a board against Haejoon. Haejoon sighed, his breath ghosting over Eunyung’s arm, and then gathered all his strength to scoot away.
"If I'm being bothersome, just kick me out now. I'll go back to my own room." Eunyung was not meeting his eyes, and was instead inspecting the walls with great interest.
"What? Why would you be bothersome? You already slept with Juwan, why would this be any different?" Eunyung's tone rang almost defensive, but he still wasn't meeting his eyes. It was a bit dark to properly see, but the tips of his ears seemed to be infinitesimally darker than the side of his cheeks.
Haejoon scowled. So he was uncomfortable.
"It was pretty weird with Juwan, actually... That's why I'm saying you can tell me to leave if you want me too."
Eunyung suddenly grabbed his arm and turned towards him. He was finally willing to meet his eyes, but the annoyance written over his features could hardly be called improvement.
"Hey, when did I ever not tell you anything straightforwardly? You know it's not my style to beat around the bush. I'll tell you to fuck off when I want you to."
Haejoon's brows furrowed, but he nodded. "That's true."
Eunyung snorted. "Yeah. And stop comparing me to Juwan. I'm way better than him, and not some pervert. What, did you think I was going to feel you up as well?"
Eunyung was always teasing him similarly, shameless and crude, but it felt somehow different now. Perhaps because they were sharing a blanket, and their faces were sitting pretty closely to each other as well. Truthfully, the whole atmosphere was weird, and that was probably the only reason Haejoon could feel his cheeks flush with embarrassment. Instead of brushing it off, he couldn't stop himself from answering sincerely.
"No! Of course not. I was worried that I was going to be the one to make you feel weird, not the other way around." Haejoon huffed in frustration while Eunyung's mouth ticked up into a smile. That bastard was enjoying this. "And anyway, you're the one always bringing up Juwan. I wasn't the one comparing you guys from the start."
Eunyung chuckled. "No point comparing anyway, since I would end up as the winner, wouldn't I?" Haejoon was just giving him a look, so Eunyung poked him and pretended to sulk. "What? Haven't we known each other for much longer?"
"It hasn't been that long..."
"Woah, you really like that four eyes better? You're going to hurt my feelings."
"It's not like I like him better either..."
Hearing this, Eunyung's gaze actually turned sharper, so much so that Haejoon could feel himself begin to break out in sweat. What was this again? They did the same thing to him when he was sick in bed, making him choose between them... What kind of kdrama love triangle cliché was this??
Haejoon nudged him, probably with more force than he intended, because Eunyung yelped and began rubbing his arm.
Haejoon could feel a headache steadily growing behind his temple. "Look, you're right, we have been through some shit... After all that, I can't not. Like you. A bit."
He reached up to rub a hand over his face to allow himself a moment of respite after such a strangely heartfelt admission, and ended up completely missing the flash of surprise over Eunyung’s features. By the time he opened his eyes, Eunyung was leaning closer, a smirk on his lips and his eyelids lowered.
"My, perhaps I should have been worried after all? What is all this, you climb into my bed and tell me you like me? What are you doing, sunbae, trying to seduce me?"
Eunyung's tone was clearly teasing and he even giggled a little, but for some reason, heat flooded Haejoon's neck and face in record time. Why did this keep happening?! Eunyung was making him feel much, much weirder than Juwan!
"You! You crazy bitch, you're the one seducing me!"
Eunyung stopped laughing. Closed his mouth. Opened it again, closed it. He looked like a fish stranded on dry land, and Haejoon felt like a tomato left out under the sun for too long, and he couldn't bear the whole thing anymore and turned his head pointedly away.
His heart was going a mile a minute as well, much worse than when he was seeing ghosts! Really, coming here was a mistake to begin with!
He was contemplating the pros and cons of standing up and leaving all together when Eunyung finally spoke up. There was no laughter in his voice. "What, you're… serious?"
Serious about what, that Eunyung was seducing him?? If Haejoon was being honest, his head was a mess. So he said, tightly, "No. I'm joking."
He could imagine Eunyung's brows running together into a scowl. "You know I know you can't joke. You don't joke."
Haejoon swallowed. In the silence of the room, it felt way too loud. Goddamn. "I'll just go back to my room. I'm just tired and spout all kinds of stuff."
Before he could make a move off the bed, Eunyung grabbed him again. Instinctively, Haejoon turned back towards him, and felt his heart jump into his throat, thrumming against his Adam’s apple heavily.
Eunyung looked... serious. Determined. A bit frustrated as well?
"Do I make you feel... weird?" he gritted out.
Again, with the odd questions. Haejoon scowled deeply but answered honestly. "Yeah."
Eunyung's hold on his arm felt too tight and warm, but for some reason, Haejoon didn't feel like breaking out of it. Didn't feel like escaping just yet. He could already feel sweat gather where their skins were connected, and he wasn't sure if it was him or Eunyung.
Perhaps it was the both of them.
Eunyung seemed to gravitate closer, his eyes never leaving Haejoon. "Weird like Juwan? Or in a different way?"
Haejoon pretended to think, then shook his head. "Not like Juwan. It's not exactly bad."
At this point, he wasn't even sure what he was talking about. All of this felt like some fucked up interrogation, where he didn't even know what he was accused of. The whole thing was making him freak out, so why wasn't he moving and getting the fuck away finally?
Why did he want Eunyung to come closer?
Ever since hearing his answer, Eunyung was wearing a slight smile. It didn't seem fake like too many of his smiles, but Haejoon almost had the feeling that it meant to hide something, or it was perhaps the uncertain trembling of the corner of his lips, threatening to pull down way too quickly and end the smile all together, that had Haejoon feeling alarmed.
This moment between the two of them was endlessly fragile. Somehow, Haejoon felt like their whole friendship was at stake here. It depended only on what Eunyung said next.
Eunyung was hovering only a breath away, and Haejoon felt the exact second he inhaled. "Sunbae... are you gay?"
The question should have made Haejoon’s heart skip a beat. Pour water all over his face, his body, soak his pajamas through with panic induced sweat. Make him stand up and call Eunyung a crazy bitch for even asking something like this in the first place, but instead, Haejoon froze. Then he opened his mouth, huffed a puff of breath. "No. I mean. I don't know."
He truly didn't know.
Perhaps thinking he might be gay should scare him. Wasn't it bad? He was already the object of scorn for the most of his life, his mom and him. Why would he want to be another thing that could give other people another reason to ostracize him?
They hated you if you were gay. They mocked you if you were poor, if your parents were divorced, if you were an orphan. They hurt you if you didn't have attractive features or a body, if you weren't smart enough, fast enough, if you were different.
All these things that you couldn't change about yourself. So what was the point in agonizing over it? People will always find a reason to hate you if they want to.
Understanding all of this, he was not afraid of being gay. He already noticed his lack of attraction to the opposite gender, but it was also true that he didn't have many people to talk to of any gender until recently. What if he wasn't interested in anyone like that? Also, wasn't he still pretty young? These types of things don't need to be figured out that fast.
Although Haejoon knew all this, although he wasn't scared of being gay, he was afraid of the reaction. He knew what to expect. Being the son of the ghost house, being gay, weren't they the same thing at the end of the day?
Just different reasons to hate him.
Despite it all, he wanted to give a proper answer to Eunyung. "I truly don't know. But if the possibility makes you uncomfortable, I understand that. I'll leave you alone."
It wasn't like he felt dejected or anything. Somehow, ever since he barged in here, Haejoon knew somewhere that things could end up in a similar direction. Ever since they met and began to talk more, things were bound to end up here. Haejoon had lots of trouble with Eunyung in the beginning... Hell, there was a time he would have preferred to beat the shit out of him... But alas, he grew on him. And he also happened to be a boy.
Haejoon, after having said his part, attempted to pull away. Sharing a bed after confessing such things was really too much even for him, and he could not bear the heat creeping up his neck for another second. Only, Eunyung wasn't letting him go.
For the first time since the atmosphere began to grow a bit odd, Haejoon allowed his eyes to properly meet Eunyung’s.
Their gazes met directly, and Haejoon felt his stomach flip, his head grow stuffy. The look in Eunyung's eyes was intense.
"I never said you were making me uncomfortable, so don't go and decide things on your own."
Haejoon worked out the tightness of his throat before answering. "Then perhaps... are you... as well?"
Eunyung chuckled, and his hold on Haejoon’s arm tightened. "Is the word hard to say? You're acting like a virgin. For your information, I was jerking off with friends together to porn back in the day. There's really no shame in such things."
Haejoon couldn't help but flinch after hearing that, simply because it sounded a bit vulgar. Everything sounded so much more... intimate, when they spoke so closely to each other. "I don't think doing that would make you gay in itself."
Eunyung smirked, and it felt patronizing. Haejoon was becoming pissed off again, but he couldn't move away. "No, I don't think so either. But nor I was trying to convince you that I was gay. Have you not seen me with a lot of girlfriends?"
Haejoon felt his headache worsen. "Yeah, that's true."
Eunyung chuckled and jabbed a finger into his side playfully with his free arm. "Don't say that while looking all depressed, you'll make me go crazy~! Have you never heard of bisexuality?"
Haejoon’s face could not possibly get any warmer. "You do beat around the bush! Also, stop poking me!"
Having said that, he attempted to jab him in retaliation, which of course made Eunyung dodge and try to poke him instead. Back and forth. It started a pretty straightforward war.
All the weird energy in the air translated into a fight, and they began to tousle on the bed, jabbing, kicking and hitting the other wherever they reached. Haejoon wouldn't have been surprised if they formed a cloud from which only legs and arms would poke out occasionally in a cartoonish way. The bed was creaking under them like crazy, and if Haejoon was any less focused on trying to defeat Eunyung, he would have been worried that it would collapse like the floor downstairs.
It turned out Eunyung was pretty ticklish. Haejoon only ran his fingers along his ribs and he was already laughing like a lunatic, instinct making his leg kick out and hit Haejoon in the shin. Tears pricked at Haejoon’s eyes.
"That's what you get for tickling me!" said Eunyung, his smile all teeth. Haejoon pounced.
It was a calculated attack. Haejoon pinned his lower body down as best as he could with his legs, and with one arm grabbed his two hands, and now he had all the room for movement with his other hand. Soon, Eunyung was laughing under him hysterically, tears springing to his eyes and flailing like crazy.
Haejoon didn't even notice that he was smirking himself.
Suddenly, the door to the room slammed open, revealing an angry Juwan. Haejoon and Eunyung froze.
Crap.
Juwan walked with his arms crossed before himself, painting a pretty menacing picture. "How can you guys be so loud in the middle of the night…? I finally fell asleep after feeling so scared, and then I have to wake up to this?!"
It wasn't a surprise that Juwan would wake up, considering all the noise they were making and that he was in the room next door directly.
Haejoon opened his mouth but the words wouldn't come to him. Under him, Eunyung chuckled. Haejoon could feel his laugh reverberate through his body. It was a strange but pleasant sensation.
"C'mon, don't be a buzzkill. We were just playing around, we didn't mean to wake you."
"It's not just that…" Juwan trailed off and looked to Haejoon. It was true that he was the one desperately asking him to sleep with him, since he was scared, both of them were, and Haejoon said no to him firmly. Still, this time he went to Eunyung, not him. Despite having his reasons, Haejoon felt suddenly guilty.
"Look, Juwan, I'm sorry, I just had a nightmare again…"
Interrupting him in the middle of his sentence, arms shot up from under him, circling his back. Haejoon didn't even notice that he had loosened his hold on Eunyung. Haejoon was pulled against the body under him with great force and the impact knocked out all the air from his lungs. Without having a say in the whole thing first, he was now lying on Eunyung, pressed against his chest.
"Juwan, can't you read the room? Haejoon and I were getting along pretty well until you barged in here. Don't you understand that Haejoon doesn't want to sleep with you anymore? A no is no, man."
Although normally Juwan would get irritated after being spoken to in such a manner, this time, he only raised a brow and his eyes flickered between the two of them. Under Haejoon's head, Eunyung's heart was beating wildly.
Finally, Juwan spoke. "Yeah, I already understood that… It still kinda felt bad, but um, nevermind. You guys just please keep it down a bit?"
"Yeah, of course," answered Eunyung readily, his voice sticky-sweet. With that, the conversation was closed. Eunyung stared at Juwan until he backtracked.
"Then, good night, I guess," he said.
"Good night," said Haejoon, still against Eunyung's chest. Juwan closed the door promptly and left.
They listened together as he padded back over to his room, then closed the door behind himself. Although they couldn't hear it, he must have been getting under the covers. For a minute, both of them were silent, just listening, all the weird air evaporating from the room.
No, fuck no it wasn't! Haejoon was still smashed against this guy from head to toe, and wasn't he still straddling his lap?! Wasn't the way Juwan barged in was like he caught him cheating or something? Didn't the air just get much, much weirder?!
Haejoon swallowed. "Maybe it's better that I go back to my room."
Eunyung’s tone was firm. "You're not going anywhere."
At the same time, Eunyung began fiddling with his hands on his back. Haejoon wanted to ask what he was doing but also… he wanted him to keep going. It was almost pleasant.
Eunyung was drawing zig zags across the span of his back, going back and forth, like a strange massage. "So, you like me better than Juwan?"
Haejoon worried his lips. "It's different with you two."
Eunyung's hands reached his shoulders, then they strayed further, to the side of his neck, ears, jawline, smoothing over his bare skin. It was as if his fingers carried a sort of energy that made Haejoon's blood surge wherever they touched. When he reached the side of his face, Eunyung drew him up from his chest and Haejoon came readily. They met in the middle.
It was a chaste, dry kiss, just a press of their lips. They both smelled like mint toothpaste, having washed their teeth not long ago, and it only lasted a second.
When they separated, Eunyung was wearing a big, dumb smile, and his pupils were blown wide. "So it's like this, huh, Haejoon sunbae?"
It was uncertain whether his voice would cooperate, but Haejoon rasped, "Yeah."
It was like this. It seemed he fell for Eunyung.
This time, Eunyung's smile didn't seem fragile, whimsical. It was wide and beaming, and it made Eunyung all the more pretty. There was fondness in his eyes as he was looking at Haejoon, fondness that seemed to have been there for a long time, creeping in there without Haejoon noticing. Though, Haejoon supposed, his fondness for Eunyung creeped up on him pretty sneakily too, so they were in the same boat. It wasn't such a bad boat, with the two of them in there.
"Well, let's make the most of it then, shall we?" breathed Eunyung, and met him in another kiss, his palm warm against Haejoon's cheeks. Haejoon smiled against his lips, and savoured the sensation of his heart beating with excitement instead of fear. He tilted his head for better access, and Enyung made an appreciative noise.
Haejoon did not know it yet, but that night, he was going to have the best sleep he had in weeks.