Chapter Text
11:47 PM.
Thirteen more minutes until midnight, until the start of 2022. I had been looking for my boyfriend for half an hour now, and I was beginning to wonder if I’d even get a New Year’s kiss with him at midnight. Not that it mattered that much anyways, the whole concept was stupid to me.
We both arrived at Hange’s party in sour moods—we had a bit of a fight as we were getting ready to leave. Erwin couldn’t find his fancy expensive cologne, so I tried to help him look. No luck. After I felt like we’d scoured every inch of our apartment, I checked the time and asked him if he would just give it up already and wear something else—we had to leave soon. He didn’t argue with that, but he still seemed pissed. I tried to ignore it and continued getting ready, but he was pressuring me to finish when I just so happened to be taking longer than him. He was standing by the front door with his coat on and I was still in the mirror working on my hair. And eventually when I couldn’t handle his pestering anymore, I snapped at him about how I could’ve spent the good amount of time I helped him search for his stupid cologne to finish getting ready instead. Then I threw in that the cologne wasn’t even that special anyways. That set Erwin off. He'd yelled at me. Told me not to be a fucking bitch. As I grabbed my coat on the way out, I asked him if he was ready to stop acting like a five year old. He threatened to grab me by the hair I’d just spent twenty minutes on and yank me back inside.
So, yeah, we kicked our New Year’s Eve off on the wrong foot.
Our apartment complex was only a couple of blocks away from Hange’s, so we walked. We were quiet the entire way there, and couldn't even bother to look at each other. Whatever, I preferred the silence over arguing anyways. It was just a waste of breath, there was no sense in reasoning with him when he never wanted to be reasoned with. Erwin was either hot or cold, there was no in between.
Once we'd walked through the front door, though, we had grins on our faces. Nobody ever really knew what went on behind closed doors. We greeted our friends, grabbed drinks, mingled with a few groups of Hange’s friends that they were dying to introduce us to. And a couple hours into us being there, I lost sight of Erwin. I wasn’t worried about it at first, I went off and did my own thing. I ended up playing pong against a drunk stranger named Sasha and lost by a landslide. She was a beast. But it was almost midnight now, and Erwin didn’t seem to be making the effort to find me.
I spent the next ten minutes wandering around and sipping on a half-finished vodka cran from my Solo cup. I told myself that I had given up on looking for Erwin, but I couldn’t help scanning every face I came across.
It was three minutes before midnight when I found him.
He was grasping onto the shoulder of another boy with short brown hair. Didn’t recognize him. But the brunette looked up at Erwin with big doe eyes, and Erwin was grinning and leaning over to murmur something in his ear, and I knew for sure that I didn’t want to see anymore. A flute of champagne was shoved into my hand by Hange as they tried to make their way around to each of the guests to give out plastic flutes for toasts. Had I been in a better mood, I would’ve insisted on helping them, but instead I threw out my empty Solo cup, grabbed my heavy coat and brought my champagne outside to the front steps with me. I was in need of the fresh air.
There was a flurry of snow that left a light dusting on the sidewalk and the tops of the empty cars that lined the eerily quiet Manhattan street. Hange’s front steps were covered by an awning, so I was offered some protection from the weather when I decided to sit down on one of them. I let out a heavy sigh, my breath clouding in front of me. My ears rang a bit–it was loud in there, I could still hear everyone pretty clearly. They were counting down now.
Twenty-three! Twenty-two! Twenty-one!
A year ago from now, I was at this very place. The only difference was that Erwin and I were standing right in front of the TV, with him behind me, arms wrapped loosely around my waist and chin resting on the top of my head. We were both pretty wasted already, but we were happy then. And when the ball dropped, he spun me around and pulled me in to kiss me. And it was like we were the only two people that existed in that room, in that moment.
My heart faltered when I heard the one collective “Three! Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” followed by loud whooping and cheering. I could only imagine what Erwin was doing right about now. I brought the flute to my lips and downed the champagne in two gulps, then set the cup beside me with a good deal of force.
Fuck New Years.
I watched the snow as it fell. A sight that normally soothed me was doing absolutely nothing for my current mental state. The hair stood up on the back of my neck when I heard the door open–and I realized a few minutes had gone by since midnight. I didn’t bother looking to see who it was, but they cleared their throat as if they were announcing their presence.
I took a glance back at the man–he was pretty tall, had floppy brown hair that was half tied up in a small bun, and wore a thick cargo jacket over a cream hoodie, ripped jeans, white shoes. White, a brave choice for a party. And his face… It was undeniably attractive. I could admit that while being in a relationship. Anyone could. You'd take one look at the guy and say, "Yeah, he was crafted with the right genetics."
“Hey,” he said. “You alright?” His voice was deep yet gentle. Comforting, not threatening.
No matter how they came off, though, no stranger was going to hear about my business. “I’m fine, thanks.” I looked into his eyes briefly, then turned away.
I heard him hum in acknowledgement, then he fumbled around for something in his jacket pocket. He was pulling out a joint and a lighter, and when he caught me looking at him again, he held it up. “Uh, you mind? Or should I take a walk?” He glanced up at the snowy sky.
“Oh,” I shrugged. “You’re fine here.”
He nodded, then sat down on the stair above me. “You smoke?”
“Used to. I haven’t in a while.” Not since I started dating Erwin. He argued with me when he found out–we were only two weeks into dating, well over a year ago. Guilted me into quitting. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I missed it because I worried that I’d fall back into the habit again.
"Oh, gotcha. Wanted to quit?"
I shrugged. "Not really."
“Well,” the handsome man set the joint between his teeth and lit up, taking a long drag from it before holding it out to me. “You wanna?”
I narrowed my eyes at him skeptically. “You expect me to be stupid enough to smoke weed with some stranger?”
“We don’t have to be strangers,” he said with a crooked smile. “I’m Eren.”
I pursed my lips, then reached out and took the joint. He seemed harmless, and what else was I going to do? Spend the rest of my time here miserable and alone? “Levi,” I said before I took a hit as if it was second nature.
And I burst into a coughing fit. It was like my lungs were fucking convulsing.
Eren patted me on the back a few times as I handed the joint back over. I didn’t think too much of it, his hand on me. Maybe it was because I didn’t mind that it was his hand. A bold thought, considering how loyal of a person I was when it came to relationships.
I’d been in two–the first one was with a girl. Her name was Petra, we were thirteen when we started dating, sixteen turning seventeen when we broke up. She was absolutely beautiful, her family loved me, and we were the picture perfect match. I loved her, and she was an incredible girlfriend, but there was always the feeling that something was… missing. Something we didn’t, and couldn’t, have.
I started questioning my sexuality when I was in middle school, when I realized that the way I felt about strong, attractive men on television was not the norm for straight boys. I didn’t put too much thought into it, though–it was because of how unfamiliar it was for me. I didn’t like feeling as if I didn’t know myself.
When I discovered porn, though… I could only ever get off to watching two guys fuck. Or maybe three or four. Even still, I tried to tell myself that it was just a viewing preference, and that I would never do what they did in real life. Yet my mind would always wander to imagining some thick cock filling my tight ass.
Even when I was dating Petra, I would still only watch gay porn. Super obvious signs. But I was in so much denial.
That was until I was in high school. My mom (my dad hadn't been around since I was conceived, so it was always just me and my mom... unless Uncle Kenny was around. But that was an entirely different story...) started having this gay couple that she knew from college over every so often–apparently they had just moved from Rhode Island to the outskirts of New York and were only a five minute walk away from us. They’d all drink wine and play games and laugh until two in the morning. It was refreshing–relieving–to see that my mom was accepting of them. It… inspired me, in a way, to put more thought into my sexuality. And I started out by considering myself bisexual.
Even after I declared my bisexuality (to me and myself only) I was still finding it hard to believe that Petra could be the one. She checked all the boxes, she was my best friend, but there was still that “something” missing. Despite those feelings, I was always loyal and only focused on her. I didn’t let my mind dwell on anyone else, not even the boys in school that held eye contact with me for a moment too long or the cute cashier at Target or the sexy half naked cowboys in some movies.
It wasn’t until Petra suggested that we should have sex when I knew I was done for. I couldn’t even get it up, I was fucking mortified. And I felt even worse for her, she thought I found her unattractive, thought I didn’t love her. I told her over and over that neither of those things were true, but I ended up breaking up with her the same week. It was when I finally admitted to myself that I was gay. I couldn’t continue dating her knowing that–and the sooner I ended it, the better, right?
She asked me the question I was trying to skirt around–if I was gay. She said she’d been thinking about it for a while, the fact that I never made any sexual advances towards her and had no interest even when she initiated it, and the fact that multiple times she caught me staring at the back of this boy’s head in a class we shared. He just happened to have really pretty, soft-looking hair. It wasn’t my fault that it was nice to look at.
I gave her the answer she was looking for, the truth. Apologized over and over again. She just sobbed and hugged me and asked me why I didn’t tell her sooner. I told her it was because I wasn’t certain about myself until then.
It was hard for us to stay friends right after that considering how long we’d been together, which I understood, but towards the end of our senior year we became close again. We graduated, tried to keep in touch in college–she’d moved down south to go to Florida State–but our conversations eventually faded into nothing, and we stopped texting each other, too caught up with our own lives.
My sophomore year of college was when I had my first boyfriend. His name was Reiner. Blond, tall, ironically similar to Erwin. We met in bio, he was my lab partner. He’d come over to my dorm and we’d do the work together, and then… Well, it progressed from there.
And with him I was loyal, too. There was another guy in my Spanish class that I paired up with to have a practice conversation–and his accent, and the way he said each word, and the way he looked me in the eyes… it had me blushing internally for the entire interaction. But I kept myself composed even then, because that’s just who I was.
Reiner and I didn’t last long. We broke up mutually in the middle of the spring semester and agreed that we were better off as friends. I was pretty grateful, I honestly had no clue what I even saw in him. He was boisterous and obnoxious, especially when it came to basketball and baseball. It was torture trying to watch a game with him–he practically screamed in my ear the whole time.
Then Erwin came along a few years after my graduation. I had plenty of hookups between the time I broke up with Reiner and the time I met him, but never another relationship.
Erwin and I met at a coffee shop over a year ago in October when I bumped into him and spilled my iced coffee all over his work outfit. He held a briefcase, and he was in a button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, slacks, and a tie.
I had apologized profusely as I brought him wads and wads of napkins, wanting nothing more than to die of embarrassment. I insisted on buying his coffee, but he insisted on me giving him my phone number.
I’d later learned he was a financial advisor–I had a feeling it was something fancy–and was pretty well off. He had a luxurious apartment all to himself, nobody to share it with. After six months of dating, he asked me to move in with him. I said yes because I was so in love with him. Things got rocky when we started living together, though–he’d work late hours and come back home in the wee hours of the morning without letting me know, he’d make me feel like shit for not having a well-paying job just for the sake of it even though he’d refuse to let me pay any of the bills (I was a waiter at a fancy restaurant, the same job I currently had), and then I discovered that he cheated on me. Or almost did.
He was taking a shower one night and I was in the bedroom folding laundry. He’d left his phone charging on the nightstand, and I kept eyeing it, telling myself not to do it, not to be that person and look, but… I couldn’t help it. I had been suspicious of him, with how often he’d come home late, and how shitty his excuses always were.
I grabbed his phone, typed in his password and went straight to his messages.
And I found it. There was a conversation between him and a number he never saved–but the last few messages from a few days ago were of Erwin telling them that they couldn’t “continue what was going on between them” because he had to “focus on the relationship he already had.” I was torn, but I pretty much knew before that. Seeing those texts was just confirmation.
I never ended up confronting him about it. Instead, I gave him another chance. And I’d been loyal to that asshole ever since I met him.
But with Eren sitting beside me now, on a night that Erwin was pulling that bullshit on me again, I wanted to throw that loyal part of me away.
“Thanks,” I said between coughs, “I wasn’t lying when I said it’s been a while.”
“Don’t worry about it, it’s normal. Water?” He held out a water bottle, and we met each other’s gaze again as I took it from him and gulped down a few sips. He took another puff as I did so, and I tried not to watch every second of it. I thanked him as I handed back the bottle.
“So, Levi,” Eren said, slowly exhaling the smoke. “Tell me why a pretty guy like you is sitting out here all by himself on New Year’s.” His eyes flickered over my face, and I felt my cheeks flush.
“You’re forward, aren’t you?” My tone was lighter–flirtier–than I’d intended. He gave me a grin, and I rolled my eyes. “If you want the truth, I’m out here because my boyfriend found someone else to kiss at midnight.”
There was genuine confusion on Eren’s face. “That’s fucked up. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks,” I said, drawing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. “It’s not like I didn’t see this coming.”
“You were expecting him to do this to you?” he said, and when I gave him a nod, he furrowed his brow. “Why would he look for something else if he’s lucky enough to have you?”
“Lucky enough?” I huffed out a laugh despite my cheeks burning again. “You’re something, Eren.”
“You deserve better than that.” His expression was still serious.
“Do I? What if I don’t?” I tilted my head at him. “You don’t even know me.”
“I don’t have to,” Eren replied, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
My face grew even redder. We had been passing the joint back and forth between us as we spoke, and it was my turn with it. I took a drag in hopes of distracting myself from him (it didn’t work), then gave it back.
“You’re blushing.” His smile widened.
“It’s the dead of winter,” I retorted. “My face always gets red when it’s cold.” I heavily exhaled the smoke in his direction. I knew it was a shitty excuse. Maybe I wanted it to sound shitty.
Eren chuckled, then reached his hand over and set it on top of my knee. My breath hitched in my throat as my eyes shot down to his hand, and I admired the size of it compared to mine, and the veins that were protruding from his skin. “If you’re that cold, you shouldn’t be out here.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.” I brushed his hand off my knee, feigning disinterest. “And what are you trying to accomplish?”
Eren raised his eyebrows at my sass, but his grin was smug. “Who said I was trying to accomplish anything?”
When I couldn’t think of a response, I flicked the stump of a joint towards him—we’d smoked it down to the filter. “Do you have another one?”
“Of course.” He pulled another from his coat and handed it to me, letting me start it. I exhaled smoke as I handed it over to him, then watched him–every movement this time–from the way he held it in his hand, to the way his eyebrows scrunched up a bit when he inhaled it, to the way he looked at me with half-lidded eyes when he exhaled. I chewed the inside of my cheek. There was no doubt I wanted this man, but the question was if I would go through with it. Would I be able to live with that guilt while falling asleep with Erwin every night?
“Got any New Year’s resolutions?” he asked as he passed the joint back to me, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“No,” I said. “They’re stupid. I’ve never lived up to a single one I made.” He laughed at that, and I sucked in a breath. Fuck, even his laugh was attractive. “What about you?”
“I don’t have any, either. I feel the same. But… If you were to make one, what would it be?”
“Hmm…” I looked up at the sky, the falling snow. “I haven’t put any thought into it, but… I guess mine would be to stop letting people take advantage of me and my worth.”
“That’s a good one, and I agree.” Eren’s eyes flickered over my face as he bit his lip.
“What about you?” I tried not to let my voice falter–the way he looked at me gave me chills. Or maybe it was just that cold outside.
“Well, I was gonna say that I’d try to stop procrastinating or cut back on junk food, but since you said something deep now I feel like I have to. So…” Eren leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, and he was much closer to me now. And I loved it. He smelt just as delicious as how he looked–underneath the overpowering scent of weed I could smell his woodsy cologne, not too strong, not too faint. He took a hit from the joint before giving it back to me. “Mine would be to take more chances. I’d rather deal with the consequences of my actions than never be able to do something I really want to do.”.
“That is one I think you should stick with,” I said, giving him a knowing look. “Though you kinda strike me as a natural risk-taker, which would mean your resolution isn’t really a resolution. Correct me if I’m wrong.”
He laughed again, shaking his head. “I plead the fifth.”
“Whenever they say that, they’re always guilty.” I grinned and flicked his arm.
“Not always.” Eren’s eyes settled on me. “I am thinking of one already though.”
“What, a chance?” When he nodded in response I bit my lip, leaning closer to him and watching his eyes. “You think you can just slick-talk your way into my pants, hmm?”
He smirked. “It’s working, isn’t it?”
My breath caught in my throat, but before I could reply, we were interrupted by the front door swinging open. A girl–obviously very drunk–practically fell outside, stumbling down the steps before puking all over the sidewalk.
Eren jumped up from where he sat, joint between his teeth as he touched the girl’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said, his other hand pulling her long blond hair away from her face. It was… A bit too late for the hair, unfortunately.
I stood up as well and made my way over to her with Eren’s water bottle.
“There was someone fucking… Puking in the bathroom, I had…” The girl clenched her stomach, slowly trying to stand straight up. “Ugh, fuck, I had to come out here.” She glanced nervously between the both of us as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “I’m… so sorry you had to see that,” she slurred.
“Don’t be sorry,” Eren said. “It's perfectly normal.”
I handed her the water bottle, and she thanked me before taking a sip from it. “Let’s get you inside and out of the cold,” I said. “Did you plan on staying? Or do you have a way to get home?”
“I’ll go home instead of showing my face in there,” she said with a hiccup.
“How are you getting home?” Eren asked.
“Walking.” And before either of us could protest, she held her hands up, wobbling slightly but steadying herself. “I live…” she pointed down the street, “right down there. And I’m here with my boyfriend. I’ll call him right now.”
We helped Annie (she told us her name, we told her ours) sit down on one of the steps as we waited briefly for her boyfriend. And by briefly, it seemed as if two minutes hadn’t even gone by since she’d gotten off the phone with him when he stepped out from the front door.
“Look!” Annie said when she saw him. “These kind boys helped me after I puked my guts out.” She tapped both of our shoulders before her boyfriend–blond as well–helped her stand up. “Eren and Levi, this is Armin.” She pinched his cheek with adoration.
Armin scanned her face, panic in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fiiiine, babyyy,” Annie tugged on his hand. “Say hi to my friends.”
Armin tore his eyes away from her to look between Eren and I, managing a smile. “Hey guys, uh, sorry about that. Thank you so much for keeping an eye on her out here.”
Eren gave him a nod. “Not a problem.”
“Hope you guys make it home safe,” I said, flashing a smile at the both of them.
“You too!” Annie waved at us, then let Armin carry most of her weight, practically draping herself over him as they walked towards their home.
I saw Eren glance at me out of my peripheral vision. We were still sitting on the front steps knee to knee.
“You were so quick to help her,” I said softly without looking at him.
“It was the right thing to do, and the obvious thing to do.”
I turned to face him then. He was so… Fuck. Fuck Erwin, fuck me being a good guy. The want in me was burning like a hot iron rod and I couldn’t think or care much about anything else but Eren.
“Now, back to what we were saying…” He tried to hide his smile, his perfect teeth, as we looked at each other.
“Ohh, you wanna get back to what we were talking about before, huh?” I smirked as I leaned closer to him, brushing my fingers along his leg. “I think I should spare you the sly talk.”
Eren’s eyebrows lifted in amusement, but I didn’t let him speak–I grabbed his face and crashed my lips against his. He didn’t hesitate to kiss me back, grabbing my waist with one of his hands.
There had to be something wrong with him that I wasn’t aware of, because there was no way a man could be this perfect–aside from how attractive he and his personality was, he was an incredible kisser on top of that. His lips were soft, tongue so warm, and he tasted… Well, he tasted like weed and beer, but he was still so scrumptious. And I wanted badly to try other parts of him.
My hands slowly traveled from his face down to his abdomen, palms running over his coat. I wished he wasn’t wearing it so that I could feel the frame of his body, the ripple of his muscles. And I knew he was muscular under all those layers–I could tell by his hands, his throat, his jaw. His tongue slid over mine and against the roof of my mouth. I muffled a small moan, and he grabbed onto my shirt and tugged. “Get over here,” he growled against my lips, and it took me a second to realize what he meant–to get into his lap.
I dropped one of my hands to his thigh and pulled back enough to look at his face. “Hange’s bedroom is locked to keep any mess out, and I know where they keep the key.”
“I have never heard words more beautiful,” Eren breathed.
We stood up and made our way inside together, and I led him into the kitchen. It certainly wasn't empty, but it was full enough to the point that nobody would even notice what we were doing. I went over to the knife block on the counter, swiftly lifting it up and swiping the key from beneath it. I was surprised at how smooth I was, considering I was high for the first time in well over a year. And it was… Intense, to say the least, but it was as incredible as I’d remembered. I shot a glance at Eren and he was grinning at me, backing towards the hallway with anticipation dancing in his eyes.
I grabbed his wrist and led him to the end of the hallway. Hange’s bedroom was across the hall from the guest bedroom. That room’s door was open, and there was a small group sitting in a circle–some on the bed, some on the floor. They were playing a game of Uno. A few heads turned towards us as I fumbled with the key in the lock.
“Mind your business,” Eren said quietly with a chuckle. He gave the group a short wave once I opened the door, and I dragged him in with me. He took care of closing and locking the door as I threw myself at him again. He was much taller, though, so I had to stand on my toes. Embarrassing, yeah–but I couldn’t care less. We pushed each other’s coats off as we kissed hungrily, then he proceeded to lift me up like I was nothing and carry me to the bed.
I huffed out a laugh and threaded my fingers through his hair, messing up his bun. “So impatient.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed and situated me on his lap before biting down on my lower lip and tugging at it. Being high, that felt a thousand times more pleasurable than it would feel if I was sober. He then kissed me deeply, a silent confirmation that yes, he was impatient.
When our kiss started turning pretty wild, he ran his fingers through my hair that I’d worked oh-so hard on, grabbed at the roots, and pulled. I moaned into his mouth and rolled my hips against his. He waited a few moments until he tugged at my hair again, earning another moan out of me, and he smiled against my lips.
“You make the prettiest noises,” he muttered. He slipped a hand under my shirt and dragged the tips of his fingers up my side.
I melted into his touch as I said, “You thought those were pretty? I could do much better.”
He grinned wickedly, pressing his lips to mine briefly. “I’m sure you could. You mind if I get them out of you?”
Ferocious. I felt fucking ferocious just from the way he spoke to me. “Be my guest,” I muttered. I wanted nothing more.
Eren kissed me again, his hands dropping to my ass and squeezing. I groaned and felt up his arms as I started rolling my hips against his again, desperate to feel him through his jeans.
He groaned, his grip tightening while his tongue dipped into my mouth and ran against mine. And when I sunk lower into his lap, that was when I felt it–his stiffness pressed up against the underside of my thigh. I resisted the urge to whip his cock out of his pants and suck him off right then and there.
And then we heard the door creaking, and music flooded the room. We stopped immediately. I knew exactly who it was without having to turn around.
“Oh fuck,” Eren whispered, fear in his eyes. “I thought I locked it.”
Fuck. How did this idiot not know how to lock a damn door?
“Levi.”
I tensed up in Eren’s lap, then slowly looked over my shoulder at my boyfriend. “Oh.”
Eren released my ass from his grip–a bit too late, really, but whatever. The damage had already been done.
“What. The fuck. Are you doing.” Erwin growled at me. He then walked right up to us and literally dragged me out of Eren’s lap like I was his pet.
“Why would you fucking touch him like that?” Eren snapped as he sprung from the bed.
“Eren, don’t–”
“I could ask you the same damn thing,” Erwin sneered at him. “Levi, we’re leaving.” He snatched me by the wrist and yanked. “Right now.”
“Levi.” There was concern and a tinge of anger in Eren’s voice.
Erwin was already pulling me out into the hallway, and I tried my best to make it look like I wasn’t being dragged. It wasn’t like we were the only ones here, a lot of our friends had come along with a bunch of strangers we’d never even seen before. The last thing I wanted was for someone to witness this.
I glanced over my shoulder to see if Eren was following us, and he wasn’t. I was relieved, but I wished that our time together hadn’t been cut so short.
“You fucking reek.” Erwin snarled as we made our way down to the front door. He let go of my wrist to grab our coats, shoving mine against my chest before going outside.
He was waiting on the sidewalk for me, and when I approached him he started walking, not bothering to look in my direction.
I quietly followed a few steps behind him all the way home. The snow was still falling, but it had calmed down slightly. I wish I’d brought something warmer–some gloves, maybe–but I tried to ignore the chill I felt that went straight down to my bones as I walked. I watched the back of Erwin’s head and I knew he was fuming mad. It was fucking emanating off of him. I wasn’t looking forward to facing him about this, about what I’d done. I knew it was wrong, and I despised cheaters… yet here I was. And I wasn’t even angry at myself, I didn’t regret anything. And I wished that the idiot had actually locked the fucking door.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
When Erwin and I got to our apartment, he grabbed my wrist and dragged me through the spacious living room to the hallway.
Our apartment was fucking nice–two bedrooms and two bathrooms with in-unit laundry, central air, and a balcony attached to the master bedroom. The living room was huge–the entire outer wall was not exactly a wall but a floor-to-ceiling window, and since we were up on the eleventh floor, we had a great view overlooking the city. The whole apartment had gorgeous caramel-colored hardwood floors save for the tile in the bathrooms, and the walls in the living room were made of beautifully polished concrete with wooden accents that matched the floor. The rest of the walls were a light gray that complimented the floors. Everything about it was dark but cozy. In the living room there was a large black leather L-shaped couch with a matching loveseat and set of chairs, a coffee table with a large Australian sheepskin rug underneath (it was real and I hated it), and a mounted TV that was probably–no, definitely–larger than me. I insisted on the copious amounts of house plants that we had–it added life to the place, made it cozier, less bleak. I took care of them all since Erwin had no sense of a green thumb. The living room had the most plants, followed by the bedrooms, then the kitchen. The kitchen was next to the living room–all modern appliances, dark marble countertops, a huge island with a wine cooler built into it. There was a large dining area in the kitchen with a huge wooden table and cushioned chairs. Yeah, the place was fucking luxurious, and I loved living in it. I felt like royalty.
But it was Erwin’s apartment, really. He paid the full rent no matter how many times I insisted on helping, and he had been living in it well before I even moved in. Before Erwin moved to New York, he lived in Portland, Maine with his family. He wanted to go to school and move to the city, so he came down to New York to attend Columbia University, double-majoring in business and economics and minoring in political science. Immediately after he graduated, he was offered a job at the independent insurance agency he was interning at. He got promoted twice and was now a financial advisor making six figures a year.
I envied that about him because in comparison, I was nothing. I got a degree in communication and rhetorical studies with a minor in creative writing from Syracuse and graduated the same year that he did–2016. But I was doing nothing with my degree–instead I was one of the lead servers at the fine dining restaurant downtown that I’d been working at since I was twenty. I had no idea what I wanted to do career-wise, and at my current age of twenty-eight, I felt pretty fucking shitty about it even though I made decent money at the restaurant. I never talked about it with him because it wasn’t like he would understand. I just knew I had to figure this out by myself, and soon, before I was stuck in the food industry for the rest of my life.
Erwin and I were in our bedroom now, and he grabbed me by the waist and threw me onto the king-sized mattress. I instantly scrambled to sit up, watching as he lifted his shirt up and over his head. Tossed it aside.
Erwin glared at me as he crawled onto the bed. “Seeing you with another guy…” he growled. “I couldn’t be more pissed at you right now.” He unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them off along with his boxers. His dick was rock hard, and it shocked me a bit that he was so turned on. I thought the only thing he’d feel after catching me cheating on him would be anger.
“You’re one to fucking talk,” I spat.
“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” He shoved me back against the pillows, and I grunted at the impact.
“Don’t you think I saw you, you idiot? Did you forget you had a boyfriend who was at the party, too? You couldn’t even bother to find me for midnight, and you didn’t think I would go looking for you?
“You didn’t see shit, nothing happened.” Erwin snapped as he started unbuttoning my pants.
My hands flew down to his, stopping him. I stared up into his eyes, my own gaze narrowing. “What was his name?”
Erwin’s jaw clenched. “What about that kid you were with?”
“Dodging my fucking questions.” I let go of his hands. He resumed taking off my pants. “And he’s not a kid.”
“I bet you blew him after you smoked his pot,” he sneered as he lifted my shirt up and over my head. “You dirty fucking whore.”
I rubbed my lips together. “I didn’t.”
“Liar.” He knelt in front of me, flipped me over onto my stomach, pulled me closer to him.
“I didn’t. If I did, you would smell him on my breath.” I dragged my tongue over my lower lip, slowly. “If you’d walked in ten minutes later…” I was unsure of what had overcome me in order to say such damning words, but Erwin's fury combined with the effects the weed and alcohol had on me certainly seemed to be one of the causes.
His eyes were ablaze as he grabbed tightly onto my jaw, and I froze at the touch. “You wanna be a slut?” Erwin sneered, wrapping his free hand around the base of his cock. “I’ll treat you like a fucking slut.” He then shoved his dick into my mouth, and I gasped a bit before steadying myself on my elbows.
My eyes fluttered closed and I held back a moan as he started fucking into my mouth, not even giving me time to warm up as he continuously punched the back of my throat. I hated to admit to myself that I could enjoy this, that being overpowered and used was something I liked.
I braced myself by holding tightly onto his hips, opening my mouth as wide as I possibly could so he had full access and looking up at him through my thick eyelashes.
Erwin grabbed the back of my head to hold it still as he picked up his pace, and I was struggling for breath by that point and digging one of my thumbs into my palm to prevent myself from gagging.
A few moments later, he sat back on his heels, freeing himself from my mouth. I gasped for air, then leaned down to lick the precum that was dribbling down his shaft. I put my mouth around him again and hollowed out my cheeks before pulling off with a pop.
“On your hands and knees,” he grumbled. I did as I was ordered, flipping over and leaning my hips back towards him.
He spread my ass, spitting on my hole before lining himself up and thrusting deeply into me. I groaned and gripped the sheets.
He leaned over to bite my earlobe, then said, “You… Are mine. Nobody else’s.”
I didn’t reply. If he truly meant what he said, he’d have ensured that he was with me at midnight.
He picked up a rhythm, and I leaned back on my knees even more to give him a better angle. I tried to focus on the sex, but I couldn’t get that fucking boy out of my mind. I hadn’t even known Eren for two hours and suddenly I was wishing he was fucking me instead of my own boyfriend.
I squeezed my eyes shut tight as I wrapped my hand around the base of my dick. I stroked up my shaft, back down, as I let my mind wander to Eren… his strong hands, his scent, his eyes, the way he kissed me. I moaned into the pillow. I wished that he were the one behind me, I wished that Erwin never fucking walked in on us, I wished that I had gotten his number before I left.
The way he’d pulled my hair… God, did I want more. How he grabbed my ass when I was in his lap, how he bit my lip, how he slipped his hands underneath my shirt and ran them over my skin…
I wanted so badly to ride him on his lap in the position we’d been in, to make our clothes disappear so I could see and touch and taste every inch of him. His mouth was delicious, I could only imagine what the rest of him was like.
Panting, I angled my hips again for Erwin to hit my G-spot as I continued pumping my dick. Erwin was groaning, his fingers digging into my hips to keep himself balanced as he thrusted into me. “Mm, fuck,” I heard him grumble. “I’m gonna come.”
Good. “Me too, baby~” I moaned and buried my face into the pillow when he sunk inside of me to the hilt. I came first onto the blanket below me, squirming at the thought of Eren finishing inside of me, filling me up and watching as his warm cum leaked out of me, cleaning me up afterwards with a towel. Or maybe his tongue.
Erwin followed suit, grunting as his hips stilled and he came inside of me. I listened as he regained control of his breathing, and I closed my eyes when I let out a small sigh.
He pulled out a few moments later, and I hissed at the sudden emptiness. He didn’t even bother getting up to get us a towel, he just grabbed his shirt from the end of the bed, wiped himself off, then tossed it to me.
I took the shirt, scoffing, but managed to clean myself up as best I could. I threw the shirt to the floor when I was finished with it.
Erwin reached to his nightstand to shut the light off, settling down in bed and facing away from me. “Never fucking do what you did with him, with anyone, ever again.” His voice was icy cold.
I turned my back to him to stare at the wall.
“Do you understand?”
“I heard you.”
“Levi.” His tone grew even colder.
“Good night, Erwin. Happy New Year.”
I could feel the rage seeping from him, and I knew it was taking everything inside of him not to do something about it.
I closed my eyes and wished that 2022 wouldn’t be as awful as 2021.