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When did things become so complicated between you and Bucky?
Okay, let’s be honest. You did know exactly when - and especially why. It was your fault, after all. At least to a certain extend.
About less than a year ago, your older sister Pepper made you Tony’s new assistant - probably because you were the only woman she believed not to hit on him as soon as she left the room.
And it was nice, actually. Even though you’ve never really been that invested in this whole superhero stuff, the work with Tony was really challenging and still had a very cheerful atmosphere to it.
It may have been for your relations by blood that you got here, yet you gained Tony’s favour all by yourself. Not only because you had potential, but also because you could handle his, well…let’s call it ‘mood swings’. He wouldn’t go easy on you at the beginning, no matter who your sister was. Nevertheless, you endured those harsh first weeks. And it wouldn’t be for nothing.
Without ever complaining - yet still always giving him some sassy remarks to sass back at him - you’d help him out, even with stuff you weren’t assigned to. Like that, you soon became one of his most trusted coworkers.
Maybe this was the reason he gave you that specific task in the first place.
It was both because of his concern, as well as his mistrust for the former Winter Soldier, that he wanted someone to have an eye on him from time to time - just to be sure.
Before, you had never really been assigned to anything more than paperwork concering the guys that saved the world multiple times. And you were fine with it, until now.
The order was nothing indiscret. Not any stuff you’d feel uncomfortable about. You should simply check on him and his mental state occasionally. Ask him how it’s going, watch out for any suspicious behaviour.
You knew this was probably bullshit, but you were also well aware that Tony was a control freak. So you went with it, in hope he’d drop the whole thing after a short time.
It was pretty hard to get close to them all of sudden - especially the guy who’s known by the whole world to trust no one except for his best friend Steve. Yet for some reason, it was surprisingly easy.
Tony’d simply change your room from the staff’s floor to the Avengers one. Luckily, no one really questioned his stupid excuse of him needing his personal assistant to be close to him so you’re ‘always available’.
For a whole while, you’d simply greet him in the kitchen or ‘coincidentally’ bump into him at the hallway or the gym. After some time, you went past smalltalk and you’d dare to ask him for some aiming instruction. On movie nights, he even invited you to sit next to him, and so on…
It felt unusual comfortable around him. You didn’t need to put up your usual act, and you felt like he could be himself with you, too. Tony never intended for you to go so far, and be this close to Bucky - but he didn’t mind either way.
Quite the opposite, actually: He was glad that you finally warmed up to someone. And Buck seemed to get out of his shell, too. Win-win-situation. Secretly, he’d even pat his own shoulder and praise himself for setting the two of you up. Before, he thought you were basically married to your work.
You’ve become quite like a little sister for Tony, and he loved teasing you about how he realized your face lighting up whenever Bucky gave you only the slightest hint of a compliment. But in the end, when the two of you were alone, he’d always try to encourage you and give you some love advice.
All of this was your own fault. Let’s not try to gloss over that fact:
The man that was lied to for decades had been betrayed by the first person he’s been opening up to after seventy years.
You’ll never forget his face - the moment when he saw all the notes you forgot to hide on your desk before he visited. It was supposed to be such a wonderful day: Just the two of you, spending a rainy afternoon watching movies on your sofa.
No, you had destroyed every connection the two of you shared. And you gotta learn to live with that and move on.
Ever since that, you couldn’t even look into his eyes anymore. You felt so guilty, yet you had never tried to explain yourself or apologize. It was simply that you felt like you didn’t deserve a second chance.
*ding*
The elevator was finally there, and the sound of it’s arrival pulled you awake from your thoughts. Sadly, when the doors opened, you saw the last thing you were able to deal with right now: Bucky.
Damn. You totally forgot he’d go training around this time. Now you look only more like a stalker. But if you freak out and run away like those last times the two of you were in the same room, it would only make things worse.
After what felt like an eternity of mentally debating, you’d take a deep breath and make your firm steps inside the lift.
“Hello, Sergeant Barnes…” you murmured under your breath, leaning onto the wall on the other side of the elevator - as far away from him as humanly possible. Bucky seemed to be concentrated on his smartphone this whole time, so just now he’d realize you were there.
“I told you to call me Bucky, didn’t I?” He didn’t even look up from the screen of his cellphone while saying it. You just knew you had fucked up so hard, and he made you feel it in the most painful way…
Beginning to tuck on your clothes and nervously pacing on the spot you were standing on, you tried to apologize - but found yourself at loss for words.
So for a long time, you’d just stand next to each other in unbearable silence.
After a while, Bucky would let out a pained sigh before putting his phone away into his gym bag. “Y/N?”
Your posture instantly stiffened at him saying your name. Why did the Stark Tower have to have so many floors?! It felt like you’re already in here forever!
“Mhh?” you hummed in a questioning manner.
“Tell Tony I’m fine, okay? But stop following me. It’s annoying.”
Ouch. His words ripped a giant hole into your heart. They were so cold and disinterested, as if he was talking to a complete stranger.
“I wasn’t spying on you or something!” you blurted out as you held your hands in the air, trying to defend yourself. “Really, Bucky, I was just on my way to-”
“Forget it…” he gnarled, crossing his arms and looking the other way.
Why did it hurt so much to lose someone that never really belonged to you in the first place? You weren’t prepared to lose this blessing of a man, so you’d collect all of your courage and - begged. “Hey. Please, look at me!”
Nothing.
So you walked through the small elevator until your bodies were only inches apart from each other, looking up demandingly. “What can I do to make this up to you? I’d do anything, Bucky! Really!”
“Don’t act like you care, Y/N. You’re only sorry you got caught.” It really wasn’t like him to be so harsh. You’ve never seen him like this towards anyone. Just how much have you hurt him?
“You know” you began to explain, trying to hold back some tears you were surpressing for days now. “I’m glad that Tony gave me this task.”
This statement made Bucky finally meet your eyes - but only to glare holes into your skull, anger racing over his features. Your back was pressed against the elevator’s wall as Bucky towered in front of you, punching the wall right next to your face, infuriated as never before.
“Ah, is that so? Well, I’m glad the two of you had some fun making a total idiot out of me!”
You saw regret in his eyes the same second his fist hit the wall, making you flinch. But it was okay. He had every right to be mad at you.
“Bucky…it’s true that Tony told me to check on you. But he never told me to befriend you! I did, out of my own accord! Because I realized just what a wonderful, kind person you are! And I don’t want to lose that! That’s the reason I’m glad that I got this mission. It’s no excuse for lying to you, I know…but-”
“Please, stop.” This time his voice sounded weak and defeated. Why?
“I don’t want to lose you” It was a silent, broken plead as a few tears dropped down your cheeks to your chin.
“And I trusted you, Y/N” Bucky began to whimper, his flesh hand shaking. “I told you things not even Steve knows about me.”
Seeing him like this made it felt like you couldn’t breathe anymore. “I’ve never told anyone! I swear!”
“What does it matter? I’m just mad at myself, because I thought we-”
“We…what?”
“God, Y/N. How oblivious are you?! I am in lo-”
A loud noise, together with both of you being shaken by the sudden stop of the elevator cut your conversation before the most important part. And much to your misfortune, everything around you went black.
The shake made you stumble forwards and fall directly into him - with Bucky instantly wrapping his arms around you to support your stance. “Are you alright?” you heared the tall man huff as he held you tightly against his chest.
“I guess” you muffled into the fabric of his shirt. “The elevator seems to be broken. Damn, this could take us a while to get out of here.”
How could this even happen in the damn Stark Tower? Well, his new power resource was only a test model, so…
There was no time thinking about the details anyway. The real important thing was: Something wasn’t right with Bucky.
With your ear resting on his sternum, you could hear the sound of his heartbeat. It was incredible fastened, as if his heart wanted to break out of his ribcage. His breaths got so heavy that his chest began to rise and sink worryingly intensified. His whole body began to shake, and no matter how he was fighting against it - he had a panic attack.
“B-Bucky?” you stuttered, and you felt how a lump startet to form in your throat. Your own breath began to pick up too, feeling with him.
“I-I’m alright. Just…just a little claustrophobic.” His voice was cracking and he made long breaks after every single word. It made sense - after all the time he had to spend in that narrow and scary cryo-pod.
“Sit down” you whispered, trying to mask your own panic by mimicking a calm tone. You took his hands into yours and you both slowly thudded to the ground. It was way too dark to see anything, so you had to rely on your other senses. Bucky seemed to be completely trapped in his own mind right now.
“Please try to relax, Bucky. I’m here, and I won’t leave.” Your voice was incredible kind and soft, to not startle him any further. “It’s just me touching you, okay?”
Your hands searched for his chest, starting to unbotton his shirt. It didn’t really help to slow down the breathing, but it helped the mind to ease the tightening feeling around the chest.
“Hush, listen to me” you cooed with a heavenly tone, slightly massaging his shoulders. “Try to concentrate on my breathing, okay? Do it just like me: Inhaling through your nose, and exhaling through your mouth.”
Even in the dark, his eyes were still haunting you. You could just imagine what he’d look like right now, and it was too much to bear. He sounded so pained, it hurt yourself too.
“S-sorry…sorry for bothering you with something like that.” Bucky’s voice was still trembling, and he was so close that you could feel his breathe on your cleavage. So you’d simply wrap your arms around his neck and carefully put his head on your chest.
“No, it’s alright” you cheered. “I’m glad, actually…No! Nonono that sounded wrong! I meant, uh- it’s not that I’m glad for you having a panic attack! Just that…well, you’re so reserved most of the time. It’s nice to see an actual emotion coming from you. Makes you seem more…well, human, and not like the perfect ‘Super Soldier’. Sometimes it’s really hard to know what you’re feeling, ya know?”
“You could’ve just asked me” he scoffed, now having wrapped his arms around your waist, too. Meanwhile, you were busy stroking his hair with one hand, and rubbing his back with the other.
Slowly but steadily, Bucky felt the soreness ease from his body. And with that, he realized just how much he missed you. This wasn’t the first time you’d be in each other’s arms like that. You had helped him so many times, especially when his haunting nightmares kicked in.
Or when he heared someone speak Russian on the busy streets of New York, on the rare occasions he’d leave the house. You were always there, shielding him from this cruel world that had been against him too many times already - holding his hand as long as he needed. And he wished he could be this way with you forever.
It couldn’t all of this be fake. This would be too cruel.
“Thank you, Y/N” Bucky sighed a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “And sorry for earlier.”
Suddenly, the lights went on - but only that. The elevator still didn’t move an inch. It happened before a few times, Sam told you about it. Would take you a good few hours until you’d get out of here.
Bucky looked up, making you admire his glistening, pale blue eyes.
“Don’t apologize for something I fucked up” you chuckled. “And now give me a smile, would you?”
Half an hour later, and still no progress in sight. Not even the sound of someone working nearby. Bucky had pressed the emergency button, but the workers told you it could take up to three hours at least.
You sat next to each other, even though Bucky seemed to have calmed down. Well…with this heat, that place is quite the opposite of HYDRA’s cryo-chamber.
This was bad. It took all of your concentration to not stare on Bucky’s still unbottomed shirt - and this elevator was hot as hell. So was he, and the sweat that already dripped down his pectoral muscles.
Bucky’s brain was rattling with questions:
What part of your time spend together was real, and what just the job?
Does it really matter, though? Looking at you right now, he couldn’t really be mad at you. You were no bad person, and certainly no bad friend.
Are you alright? His anxiety made him hyperfixate on everything surrounding him - except for caring about your feelings. It’s probably really exhausting for you to be here, too.
And especially - why didn’t Bucky have the courage to confess his feelings for you?
To be perfectly fair, he tried to - just before the electricity got cut off. And ever since his panic attack, you sat here in silence - both unable how to talk to each other.
And the more time passed, the more he found himself shooting looks at you. You looked sinful - that tight, short skirt, making him want to slap your behind whenever you walked past him Especially when you teasingly acted like you needed to pick something up from the ground and leaning forwards. And the blouse where your bra shimmered through ever so slightly.
“I hope you don’t mind…” you mumbled as you suddenly undressed your upper half, leaving you with only your bra on. A relieved sigh escaped your lips as you leaned back to the wall, finally feeling a lit less opressed by the warm air.
Bucky got distracted by that cleavage of yours way too easy, but he really tried his best, to not make you feel uncomfortable.
“No need to turn around, Buck” you smirked cheekily as you noticed how he wanted to change his position. You’d start wanting to tease him worse, and shuffle closer to him, until your shoulders touched each other - and it made him mentally sigh.
He pulled his knees to his chest, feeling his erection painfully press against his pants. Taken aback by your pure, natural beauty, he felt a little bit overwhelmed. Your skin seemed so soft and temptating that he couldn’t bear not to touch it. Simply a delight for his sore eyes.
God, the thoughts running through his mind right now…
“Is everything okay, Bucky?” You bit your lip and pressed your thights together as you realized his arousal.
“Huh?”
“You were kinda like..well, totally zoned out for a moment.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Being so close to you was intoxicating, and he feared if you kept on teasing him like that, he wouldn’t be able to at least try and at least sneak a kiss from you. But you had other plans…
“And if you want to stare at my breasts, just do it. You’re just going to rick your neck like that.” You fluttered your lashes as you bowed over him, presenting your chest almost fully at his view.
“W-what did you just say?” A tint appeared on his features.
“Well…I mean…I’ll happily distract you from that situation.”
“Distract…what do you think I am, Y/N?!” He noticeably scooted away from you - but his cock was still twitching against his trousers, while he tried to surpress his dirty fantasies. “I would never…”
Seeing you sulk at those words, he became confused. The urge to rip your clothes off of you and fuck you right on spot was too temptating. You were simply being unfair right now, with that bewitching sexappeal of yours… “I-I mean…uh, unless you want to.”
“And I think” you stopped midsentence, clearing your throat nervously. “I think you’re a very attractive, handsome gentleman, and- well…I’ve always wanted to be with you, Bucky.” You gently touched his knee, your touch feeling like electricity running through his body.
“W-what?!” Bucky was frozen by your words and touch, thinking that this was probably all just a dream. This was simply too good to be true - but your hand slowly wandered up his leg and towards his crotch.
“C’mon, sweetheart…you want me too, right? I saw” you pleaded, pointing to the bulge in his pants.
“Y/N, you can’t be serious…” He wanted to talk sense to you, finding any reason why you’d be like that all of sudden - but you already parted his legs, playfully biting the erection through his clothes and making a whimper escape his lips in the process. “Y/N…fuck…”
“Bucky…” you said euphoric, eyes begging. “I want you…” You pulled down his trousers and boxershorts, his half hard cock springing upwards - only inches away from your face.
Instantly, you placed your lips around his tip, making him close his eyes and breathe deeply before you began to use your tongue, making him sensitive.
“Doll, please…” Bucky began to softly pet your head, before he couldn’t stand the pressure anymore - he’d ball a fist in your hair, pulling your mouth closer to thrust into it.
“S-sorry…” he whispered as he heared you try to surpress your gag reflex, his cock being way too big for being shoved your throat. But still, without breaking a sweat, you’d keep on going, head moving up and down fast and satisfied.
You looked up as you clenched your fingers around his member, while still enthusiastically sucking him as if you wanted to milk him dry. The way you looked at him made him cover that pretty face of yours into his cum so badly - but suddenly, he grabbed your head and pulled out of you.
“Wait!” he panted. “God, Y/N…that was- woah. You need to be careful, I almost-”
“Almost what?” You gave him a cheeky grin, while he already skilfully opened your bra, without much effort.
“Oh, you know exactly what” was his firm answer, as he pulled his pants down completely. He began to fondle your breasts, and you could feel his hard on against your stomach as he sat on top of you. Bucky would take one nipple in between his teeth before sucking it, while carefully kneading the other - and your moans were like music in his ears.
Then, he’d press his lips on yours - and it felt as amazing as you thought it would be, instantly sucking all air out of your lungs as you moaned into his mouth. His kiss was needy, but he didn’t force it on you - being rather hesistant and waiting for your reaction - hopefully a positive one. And it was: You deepened this searing hot kiss, arms wrapped around his neck as you pulled him closer.
“Stand up” he suddenly commanded, gestured vaguely as you could feel his breath puff against your ear.
You did as you were told, and his touch never left you for as long as you needed to get up on your feet again, feeling yourself trembling in anticipation.
“Good girl” Bucky praised, turning you around to face the wall. “Now it’s time for payback…”
You were still wearing your skirt and pants - but that fact didn’t hinder him from sliding his fingers across your entrance, your legs slightly parted. “Fuck, so wet for me already…”
He carefully pushed your panties aside for his fingers to enter you, and you gasped loudly before you pursed your lips shut. Your hands were pressed against the wall to support your body, and you’d stick your ass out so he could thrust into you easier. But your hips moved on their own, trying to make his fingers get in deeper. Seeing you being this hot for his cock made him stroke himself with his metal hand in the meantime.
“Oh no…mhh…you won’t get off the hook that easily, doll. I’m still mad at you, ya’ know?” Bucky pulled his fingers out of you, licking on them to taste your sweet flavour.
You felt the tip of his penis brushing your entrance, rubbing there slightly to enjoy every frustrated whine you’d direct at him. “Beg, doll.”
“Goddamn it, Bucky!” you said breathlessly, “I can’t stand this any longer! I need to feel you inside of me!”
Before you could even finish that sentence, he thrusted into you without warning. You howled loudly in excitement, pupuls dilated as you tried to held your breath. He knew you needed some time to adjust to his size, so he’d focus on your breasts for a moment, his metal hand rubbing circles at your clit. Desire was clouding his mind to the point of no return. He simply had to make you his - and his alone.
Bucky pulled up your skirt to feisty beat on your bare asscheek, feeling your cunt tightening around him in response. “Fuck, Y/N…” he groaned deeply. “You can’t imagine how long I wanted this.”
“M-me, too!” you moaned uncontrollably, feeling his pelvis beating against your behind. It was impossible to hold still, so you’d keep on moving your hips on your own - supporting him to thrust in even deeper into your wet core.
He’d strangle his fist in your hair, the other hand running over your back - until he suddenly grabbed your waist and fastened his pace, holding you in place after finding your weak spot.
“Say who’s making you feel this good” he demanded, his voice laced with need.
“Please!” you practically begged. “Please don’t stop, Bucky!” You couldn’t see his face right now, so you could only imagine his cheeky grin, pleased by your answer. He began to place small kisses alongside your shoulders, and you felt his hot, wet breath in the nape of your neck.
A deep sense of pride was rushing over him with every little moan he heared coming out of your mouth. You were reduced to a puddle of desire - because of him. And it was his undoing.
“Doll” he began to pant, his chest heaving in the rythm of his thrusts. “I love you, Y/N. I always have!”
Your breathing became ragged as you heared Bucky moan at your pleasure, and your vision already got blurry. “I-I feel the same!” you expressed in between your groans.
This was it. That’s the most perfect moment in his life - a true slice of heaven. Like that, you made him yours. And he heisted your heart as well.
“Bucky!” you screamed as you came hard, soaking him.
“Yes, babydoll!” was his answer, his movements becoming crazed, but also more sloppy as he went over the edge, fucking you into oblivion. “I’m right behind you. F-fuck…!”
Shortly after cumming, your legs gave up - but Bucky catched you, pressing your exhausted body against his. You could feel his chest rising and falling against your back, tensed muscles finally relaxing again before he pulled out. Your once rigid body was now limp - and if it hasn’t been for the current situation, you’d passed out right on spot.
Cum was dripping down from your cunt onto your legs, before he gently got your panties into the right position again, chuckling mischievous.
“Calls for a bath” he chuckled darkly.
“Only if you join me” was your sassy response, pulling him for a way tender, more gentle kiss. “How could you not tell me earlier?!”
“What about you?” Bucky shrugged after the kiss was over, still feeling the sweet taste of your soft lips onto his. He was giving you a lovestruck smile, carefully cupping your cheek.
“I wanted to, really…” Your eyes were suddenly clouded by guilt again. “But then you found out about me spying on you, and…well…I thought you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Doll, I’m sorry-”
Suddenly, the elevator began to move again - and Bucky quickly scooped you into his arms, before both of you quickly got dressed again.
“Oh, you guys have been in there?” Sam smirked knowingly, as if all of this had been a part of an evil masterplan.
Bucky had already picked you up from the ground - and you had fallen asleep, nuzzled against his chest. “Took you long enough” he scoffed.
“What’s wrong with her?” Tony rose an eyebrow, pointing his finger at you as Bucky simply walked past each other without any explanation.
“It’s nothing” he replied, trying to surpress his laugh. “It was just…a little hot in there.”