Chapter Text
There are some things most people don’t know about Akaashi Keiji.
Right now, he’s glancing around the room, eyes quickly scanning all the faces hoping to find a familiar one. Navigating through unknown places had never been easy for him, so it was quite a task finding the bar at this party. Akaashi doesn’t remember exactly which direction he came from, but finds comfort in the relief the cold drink offers to his raspy throat.
He looks down at his hands, grasping the red plastic cup. Tiny droplets of water formed pretty patterns all over the cup, and Akaashi thinks absentmindedly that it was fascinating. In that lighting, his dark blue glittery nails look mesmerizing, and Akaashi can't help but smile proudly at the good job he did.
First curious fact about Akaashi Keiji: he appreciates painting his nails very much.
The song changes, and Akaashi closes his eyes, letting his body move to the beat and being careful not to spill his drink.
He doesn't get to sing the chorus, because someone taps his shoulder and starts talking to him way, way too close. The guy compliments him, but in a way that makes him uncomfortable. He's still too close, with no care for respecting his personal space. Akaashi can barely hear him over the rapid beating of his heart. He murmurs "I'm not interested" but the guy only laughs and grabs Akaashi's wrist.
Fact number two that a lot of people are unaware of: Akaashi Keiji enjoys parties. If he could, he would go to one at least every week.
He isn’t enjoying this one anymore.
***
Bokuto knew that the bar was far from where they had been dancing with their friends, but Akaashi was surely taking more time than necessary to go back. So, he decided to go meet him halfway. He could also use a drink right now.
Upon arriving at the bar, he spotted Akaashi. And there was another person with him, but by the panicked look on Akaashi's face and the hold the guy had on his wrist, he was not a friend.
Bokuto felt shivers down his spine, a tightness on his chest. His second reaction was anger. He felt furious. He wanted to tear that guy down, rip his arm off of Akaashi's wrist.
How dare he touch Akaashi like that.
How dare he make him feel that way.
He stormed off to where they were standing, ready to cause a commotion. Right before screaming at the guy, Bokuto thought that Akaashi would probably not want to call attention to himself. So he had to find another way to deal with this situation, and fast.
"Babe, there you are! I've been looking for you everywhere." Bokuto slid his arm around Akaashi's waist and held him firmly, sending him a reassuring look that said "I'm here, you're safe now."
He then looked at the guy, who seemed annoyed with the interruption. Bokuto stared at him, straight in the eye, and said:
"I'm his boyfriend . Fuck off." The guy seemed to consider his options for a second. He looked at Bokuto from head to toe, noticing how athletic and strong he was, and decided that his chances at winning a fight were not the best.
So, he left. But not before having the audacity to wink at Akaashi.
Bokuto kept staring at the guy while he walked away. He could feel his blood boiling, arms shaking. He looked at Akaashi, who was beginning to hyperventilate, the plastic cup still in his hand clutched against his rapidly rising chest. Bokuto took the cup from his hand and placed it on the counter, not letting go of Akaashi's waist. He knew that Akaashi needed him now, so he placed his other hand on the back of Akaashi's head, and held him gently.
"Hey hey hey, I'm here. Breathe with me, 'Kaashi. Deep breaths. I gotcha. You're okay now. You're alright.”
Akaashi grabbed the back of Bokuto's shirt as if it was a lifeline and gulped for air, trying to calm his spiraling thoughts. Bokuto kept whispering soft words of reassurance, gently caressing the back of his head and tracing circles on his back. After a while, Akaashi managed to speak.
"Bo-Bokuto."
"Yeah?"
"I wanna go home, please."
"Sure, let's go."
Bokuto kept an arm around Akaashi's shoulder, as if trying to prevent other people from crashing into him on their way out. The chilly air that greeted them outside was a welcomed change from the hotness produced by hundreds of bodies dancing in such a small space.
***
The short walk back to Akaashi’s apartment wasn’t filled with the usual chatter. Akaashi noticed that Bokuto was keeping his mouth shut, a deep frown between his eyebrows. He was visibly worried and although it hurt to think that it was because of him that Bokuto was feeling like that, it wasn’t really his fault, and his concern was simply evidence that he cared.
Their footsteps echoed in the empty streets, up the stairs, through the corridors of Akaashi’s dorm up till the door of his apartment. His hands were still shaking slightly, but he managed to get it open.
He didn’t have to say a single word out loud. Bokuto knew he needed his company right now, so he stayed.
Third fact about Akaashi Keiji that goes unnoticed to many: he likes to be hugged.
While he changed into his pajamas and removed his makeup (he had nailed that eyeliner, it was such a shame that they left the party before Akaashi could take any pictures), Bokuto made two cups of hot chocolate for them, and found a sweet anime to distract their minds from what had happened. They made a comfy nest in Akaashi’s bed with tons of blankets, and the cozyness and safety of their little bubble lured them to sleep in no time.
That night, Akaashi fell asleep in Bokuto’s arms.
***
Bokuto opens his eyes in the following morning and recognizes that he’s not in his room. His thoughts are still foggy from sleep, but the bookshelves filled to the top and the succulents in the window tell him he’s in Akaashi’s room.
Akaashi . He sighs with the memory of last night still painfully fresh in his mind. If it was awful for him to witness it, he can only imagine how scared Akaashi must have felt. Bokuto takes a long, deep breath and glances at the clock on the wall. It’s nearly 9 o’clock.
The sizzling sounds coming from the kitchen tell him that Akaashi must be making breakfast, so he gets up, goes to the bathroom, and salivates at the thought of eating whatever delicious food his friend has prepared for them.
Fourth secret fact about Akaashi Keiji: just like everything else he attempts to do, Akaashi gives his best when he cooks. He’s gotten pretty good at it, especially after leaving his parents’ house.
And this is no secret to Bokuto, but he was not expecting to see Akaashi going overboard that morning.
***
The first thing Akaashi sees when he wakes up is Bokuto’s face, carefree. His expression is relaxed, the complete opposite of what it looked like the previous night. Akaashi sees his own hand closed in a fist, resting on Bokuto’s chest. He opens it, and his extended fingers feel a calm heartbeat.
For a while, he’s content to simply observe.
But the more he looks, the more he wants to reach out and caress Bokuto’s cheeks, play with his spiky gray hair, feel the touch of his soft skin on the back of his fingers.
He had been content to simply observe for years now. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the pang on his heart every time Bokuto looked at him and smiled, hugged him tightly, paid attention to every word that Akaashi said like the rest of the world had faded and it was only them and that moment that mattered.
He had been content to simply observe.
For years now.
But last night, Bokuto Koutarou said “ I’m his boyfriend ”, and Akaashi had only ever dreamed of hearing that. He had never thought he would hear it for real.
Don’t get him wrong, though. Akaashi didn’t get his hopes up because of that. He understood that Bokuto had read the situation and decided that that guy was the kind of man that would only “respect” a no if he thought a person was already taken. And Akaashi appreciated how much Bokuto had cared for him when he needed him most.
He had been content to simply observe.
At first, he thought he had fallen in love when he first saw Bokuto playing volleyball, his firm muscles, high jumps, powerful spikes, his enthusiasm and pure power appealing to the eyes of a boy that had just found out he was attracted to other boys.
But when Akaashi got to know him, he understood what loving a person truly meant.
And now he’s not so sure if can simply observe anymore. But he has to.
So he gently takes the memory of Bokuto saying “ I’m his boyfriend ” and stores it safely in his heart, gets up from the bed quietly in order to not wake Bokuto up, and heads to the kitchen to make the best breakfast they had ever eaten.
The fifth fact is not that secret. If you ask any of their friends, they’ll tell you it’s crystal clear that Akaashi Keiji has been head over heels for Bokuto since his first year of high school.
The only one that seems to not be aware of this fact is Bokuto himself.
***
Bokuto brushes his teeth with the spare toothbrush he keeps at Akaashi’s place. While he reflects about the events of the night before, he thinks of how delighted Akaashi looked while he was dancing. He knows how much those moments of freedom and fun meant to him.
Akaashi was balancing a Literature major at University and an internship at a book publishing company. And he was trying his best to carve a path he could feel proud of. Despite all the pressure that uni and his job put on him, he was also trying to keep in touch with his old friends and his family.
Akaashi was caring and thoughtful while also being hard-working and ambitious. Most people had this image of a calm and collected Akaashi, and they were not entirely wrong. Those traits were also a part of him.
But there were moments that he just wanted to not think about his responsibilities. Moments made simply to let loose a different side from him that Bokuto loved just the same.
Yesterday, someone had ruined it for him. And that wasn’t fair.
He decides that it shouldn’t happen again.
***
Bokuto enters the kitchen and lays his eyes on the table. There were scrambled eggs, toast, freshly made orange juice, a kettle with heated water, an assortment of tea bags of different flavors, pancakes with syrup, and Akaashi was by the counter finishing chopping some fruits for a fruit salad. He carefully set the knife aside, put the strawberries inside the bowl that already contained apples, bananas, oranges, kiwis and papaya and gave them all a good mix before setting it on the table.
“Oh hello sleeping beauty, I was about to wake you up. Breakfast’s ready.”
“Morning, ‘Kaashi! Dude, this table looks like the ones we see in movies! I’m starving and everything looks delicious!”
He smiles shyly. “I appreciate it. And I wanna thank you for what you did yesterday, Bokuto.” There’s a pause, a deep breath, and his voice is a bit shaken when he starts speaking again. “I seriously don’t know what could have happened if you hadn’t interfered. But you made me feel looked after, and although I’d rather not have had an experience like that, I’m glad you were there with me. So, thank you. You helped me a lot.”
Bokuto stops, a toast in one hand, a glass of juice in the other. He looks at Akaashi so fondly that Akaashi thinks for a moment his heart is gonna jump out of his own chest and start doing somersaults on the table, putting his feelings out in the open for anyone to see.
(Not that they hadn’t already been obvious before.)
“Hey, I only did what a decent person should do. My first instinct was to clean the floor with his face, but I figured that… it could end up badly, so… That was the second best option. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m alright. At the moment everything happened, I… I was terrified. But now I’m feeling better. I slept well. Today’s gonna be a self-care day.”
“Ooooh, are we talking spa-like things? Those face masks and fancy creams you have?” Bokuto’s eyes widened in awe.
Akaashi chuckles. “Precisely.”
“Can I join you?” That takes Akaashi by surprise, considering that Bokuto had already spent the night he imagined his best friend would rather go back to his own apartment.
Akaashi would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited at the prospect of spending a relaxing day with Bokuto, so he obviously agreed.
For the next hour, they relished eating a meal prepared so thoughtfully and planned what activities they could do throughout the day.
They were doing the dishes when Bokuto dropped a proposal that would make Akaashi’s mind go into overdrive.
“Say, Akaashi… I know you love going to parties, dancing and all. And I do, too! It’s super fun, especially if we go together.” They both smiled at that. “So I was thinking that we could, only if you wanted, of course, but we could pretend to be a couple. At parties. So jerks like that guy would leave you alone.” Bokuto bit his lip and looked at Akaashi, waiting for his answer expectantly.
Akaashi had been content to simply observe .
For years now.
He had always perceived Bokuto as being unattainable, unreachable. Deep inside his heart, there was a well-hidden burning desire to ignore his fears, his insecurities and all the possible bad outcomes and try to show his feelings more openly.
He still wasn’t ready to take that leap, but this arrangement could allow him to satisfy, if only partially, his hunger for affection, his yearning for touch, his longing for love. Akaashi understands that he could (and probably would) get hurt in the process, but right now this feels like the only possible way to stop simply observing.
“Yeah, I’d like that.”