Work Text:
Robert huffed in frustration, throwing his phone to the other side of the bed, and closed his eyes to keep the tears forming at bay. It was a bad idea to check Twitter, his manager had warned him, but too bad his curiosity peaked, and curiosity always kills the cat.
“What’s wrong babygirl?” Robert’s lover asked from the other side of the room where he was fixing his toupee.
“Nothing babe.” Robert answered solemnly, curling into himself and clutching the pillow tight into his chest.
Donald glanced at him through the mirror and frowned, “I can see something is wrong with you my little vampire. What's wrong?” He cooed as he stood up from his vanity chair and crawled on the bed, laying across from Robert and caressed his cheek, “I’m here for my little sugar plum spider monkey.” Donald whispered to Robert.
“It’s- It’s Kristen. Photos leaked that she was making out with our director… behind my back.”
Donald felt this uncontrollable rage as soon as Robert muttered the forbidden K name. Donald had hated her ever since she and Robert began dating. He always knew Robert could do better than that whore, Robert could always date him. But his lover had decided to keep their relationship strictly platonic while he was dating Kristen, but now that she was found cheating on him… well… nothing was holding them back. However, Donald had to control his anger because he wanted to be there for his honey bunny. “Aw my poor little baby vampy. I always knew she was a little whore anyways. You always deserved someone better.” Donald leaned forward and placed a little kiss kiss on Robert’s forehead, “I can give you the love you need my untanned wet dream.”
Robert glanced at him, feeling his heart swell. Maybe Donald was right, he could give him the love he deserved. He knew for certain Donald would never cheat on him. Maybe this whole time, his love for Kristen was actually his love for Donald. “You would do that? For me?” He whispered, suddenly feeling very vulnerable.
Donald shifted, removing the pillow from Robert’s hand and laying right in front of him, “I would do anything for you babygirl. I would become the president for you if you wanted to. Hell- I would stand up for gay rights for you Bobby.”
Robert smiled, feeling tears in his again- but this time from joy. “Oh I love you so much my little orange.” He giggled a little and leaned forward, giving Donald a big ol’ kiss.
Donald was caught by surprise first. Him and Robert had never kissed, but as soon as his brain caught up with what was happening, he happily kissed back, moving his hand to grope Robert’s juicy round butt. He bit Robert’s bottom lip then moved his tongue inside Robert’s mouth, their tongues fighting for dominance, Donald’s tongue reigning in victory. He moved to lay on top of Robert while still kissing him. He felt Robert moan in the kiss and he pulled back a little, “Bobby… Can I ask you something?” Donald asked while panting a little, as that kiss had taken his breath away.
“Y-yes.” Robert responded, also breathing hard.
“Is it okay if… I invite a friend? He has been asking me about you and well… if only you like… could he join us?” Donald asked shyly, blushing a little on his orange face.
Robert gave him a soft smile, his heart melting at Donald’s shyness, “Of course Don Don. You can invite whoever you want, baby.”
Donald squealed in excitement, grabbing the phone from his pocket and dialing the emergency number, “Send him in.” He spoke as soon as the line picked up then ended the call. “You’re gonna love him baby. And if you don’t then we can always stop the count and send him back.”
“KENOBIIIIIII” The man yelled as he entered the room.
Robert looked in shock, not expecting a black and red man with mechanical legs to enter the room, “Who- who is that.”
Donald sat up and smiled, looking at the alien enter, “That’s Maul! He’s an alien from this planet called Dafomir. See, I don’t hate immigrants at all!” Donald clapped and motioned for Maul to come over.
“Oh I see. This is a peculiar situation I did not intend on landing myself in.” Maul pondered as he stepped closer to the bed, “What am I here for Orange Man?”
“You’re here to officiate our wedding!!” Donald replied excitedly and hopped off his lover. He stood next to Maul and gave him a kiss on the cheek, “You will officiate mine and spider monkey’s wedding!”
“We’re getting married?” Robert asked, his heart beating nervously.
Donald noticed the nervous look on his lover’s face and leaned down, giving him a reassuring kiss, “Yes darling. This is how you get back on that skank Kristen. Plus you love me right?”
Robert nodded, suddenly feeling extremely sure. He stood up too and took Donald’s hand, “I would love to be Robert Trump my orange chicken.” He smiled at Donald then kissed him passionately again.
Maul just watched them, unsure of how to officiate a wedding since the only thing he was good at was getting his ass handed from padawans, “Okay… Shall I do it right now?” He asked, planning on making up words since he figured these two weren’t the brightest people.
Donald nodded, not being able to form words due to his love for the man standing in front of him. Robert did the same, just holding Donald’s hands and gazing into his loving eyes.
“We are gathered here today to join the blood of Mr. Donald Trump and Mr. Robert Pattinson. After I finish these words both of you shall be husband and husband. Therefore, by the powers vested in me by the Sith lord Sidious, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss… each other.”
Donald and Robert wasted no time in gobbling up each other’s faces. Robert felt so nice to become Robert Trump now. He pulled Donald closer and kept kissing him.
Maul rolled his eyes and ignited his lightsaber, “I hate gay people.” He said and stabbed both of them with the lightsaber.
Donald gasped, looking down to see the stab wound then looked at Robert’s wound, finally meeting his eyes as they both fell down. “My love… it seems we have been stabbed.”
Robert nodded slowly as he laid on the floor next to Donald, both of them bleeding out, “At least… we’ll be… together.”
Donald smiled and reached his hand out to grab Robert’s with the remaining energy he had left, “I love you… Covfefe.”
“I love you too. Hang on, spidermonkey.” Robert whispered, deciding to quote Donald’s favorite Twilight line for him while he faded into darkness.
Donald immediately got a boner, that line always turning him on as he passed away too.
Maul groaned at the gay people then went on his phone, calling up Shrek, “It’s done. I’ve killed them. Who’s the next target?”