Archive of Our Own

“Hey, dear, could ya help me with my walker? I think it’s stuck.”

“Of course, Granny. That’s what I’m here for.”

Realistically, as a physical therapist, Seungmin is there for more than just unsticking walkers. But sometimes patients can be too stubborn to accept that. Like Grandma Miseok.

He walks over and moves the leg of her walker out from behind the bench she has it stuck on. “There you go, but remember, we’re really trying to get you walking without your aid. So try to lean on the walker as little as possible, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, sweetheart. ’m just gon' keep using this walker. 'tis much easier.”

"I know it can be hard, and maybe even a little painful at first, but you have to try. Don’t you want to be able to run around with your grandchildren? You’ll get there, I swear. Just trust me.”

“Fine, fine, will work on it.” The old lady walks off with a sigh, but Seungmin sees her using her walker slightly less. At least she got the message.

One day, he thinks, I’ll have my own private practice, and then my patients will actually listen to me. And I won’t have to work on Saturdays.

Seungmin is so lost in his daydreams that he doesn’t notice the person in front of him until he bumps into a hard back. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” His breath catches as the person turns, and he realizes just who he hit.

Of course. It just had to be him. Of course.

He bitterly tries to bury down the butterflies he still, unfortunately, gets from seeing the familiar face. He spots the moment the other recognizes him, expression turning from shock to mild annoyance.

Aaand this is why any feelings for Hwang Hyunjin are useless. Even if he is an absolutely gorgeous, gorgeous man.

“You know, when people say they’re hitting on someone, they don’t mean they actually hit them.”

“I wasn’t hitting on you.” Seungmin nearly groans— Not even a hi or hello. After months! This man just knows how to make his blood boil. “Sorry for bumping into you, okay? Now if you’ll excuse me.” He tries walking past him, but Hyunjin turns just as quickly, catching him around the waist in a way that still sends heat coursing through his blood.

“Not so fast there.” His voice lilts teasingly. "I might need some physical therapy after that blow. Think you could help?”

“A million won per session for my normal rate, so if you’ll just give me the money,” Seungmin says dryly, even extending his palms up, trying to cover up how the brief touch has made him feel. Hyunjin chuckles roughly, shaking his head. “That’s what I thought. Now that that’s settled, can I go? I really do have to go check on my patient. My actual patient.” And get out of here before I embarrass myself.

Grandma Miseok seems happier without Seungmin there to pester her, but Hyunjin doesn’t need to know that.

“Wait— are you still working for the hospital? Didn’t you want to be in private practice by now?”

Sometimes, Seungmin forgets that underneath it all, Hyunjin can be a good guy. And that good guy once knew him really well. Why did Hyunjin have to remember the little things?

“I am,” Seungmin answers tentatively, a little uncertain but honest all the same. “I’m working on it. I’ll get there eventually.”

Hyunjin smiles—and call Seungmin a tad delusional but he sees pride in his eyes. “I know you will. You’re good at what you do.”

But then Grandma Miseok comes back into earshot, and Seungmin can practically tell when Hyunjin's demeanor changes back into his rough, unapologetic self.

“Now, why don’t you ditch this dead weight, and come take a ride with me?”

Hyunjin is really giving him whiplash with these mood swings. He doesn’t think he’ll ever understand why Hyunjin feels like he has to lean into the town bad boy image.

“Stop harassin' my doctor, ya scumbag!” the old lady starts shouting.

“You should go," Seungmin starts waving him away. "And drive safe,” he adds weakly.

Finally conceding, Hyunjin shrugs and gives him and Grandma Miseok a two-fingered salute, before sauntering off to his motorcycle parked across the street. Seungmin ignores the part of his brain that noticed Hyunjin’s eyes lingering on him more than it should.

“That man is nothin' but a burden on society,” the old lady rants when she reaches Seungmin. “I dunno why he even came back. No one wants him here.”

And here Seungmin is, still finding himself defending Hyunjin like an old habit. "I don’t know. I mean, it’s not like he doesn’t have a job. He isn't forcing people to take care of him either.”

“Well, I think he’s makin' the town a worse place. He’s so mean. To everyone!”

“I think he’s just… misunderstood,” he refutes quietly. “Don’t you think if everyone views you one way, even if it’s not true, you might eventually act like that?”

The old lady harrumphs, setting her walker down with force. “I think he has a choice, and he chooses to be rude. We should all get together and kick him out!” She punctuates her words by kicking a crumpled-up fast-food wrapper in Hyunjin’s direction as the man drives off.

“Grandma! Where's that strength when I asked you not to use a walker thirty minutes ago?”

Before she can respond, a commotion has Seungmin turning around to see a flock of pigeons take off, startled by the wrapper.

Everything else seems to happen in slow motion.

Seungmin hears the rev of the Honda as the pigeons fly into Hyunjin's path, followed by a screech as his tires lose traction. The bike ramming into the curb and the force sending him flying off into a streetlamp—-

Hyunjin!

His body lies lifeless on the ground as his bike sputters out. The air smells of burnt rubber and metal.

Is he– I can't– Have to think fast—

“Call 911, please!” Seungmin tries not to panic, although it is very difficult not to. For a second, the old lady doesn’t look like she’s going to do it. “Grandma! Please! Now!”

Seeing her shaky fingers start to dial, Seungmin immediately runs over to Hyunjin’s body. “Hyunjin! Hyunjin? Can you hear me? I need you to do something if you can hear me.” Please, please.

Hyunjin’s eyes flutter open a little, then close again.

“Hey—hey, I need you to keep your eyes open for me. Can you do that?”

Seungmin doesn’t see anything actively bleeding other than some scrapes. He reaches out and holds his uninjured hand. He feels like– like—

Stay calm, Seungmin breathes in, out, in, out. Stay calm. Trauma patients don’t do well if you freak them out more. Trying to steady his breathing, he works on getting through to Hyunjin. “Okay, Hyunjin, listen, you’ve been in a motorcycle accident. So, I," he almost chokes in his words, "I need you to keep your eyes open, okay? I want to check and see if you have a concussion.”

To his relief, Hyunjin manages to open his eyes a bit longer. His heart stutters.

“There are those pretty eyes. Now, can you speak? Can you tell me what year it is?” Seungmin's smile probably looks more like a grimace to his patient, but he’s hoping it’s comforting enough. Hyunjin doesn’t answer to his questions, but Seungmin hears sirens in the distance and nearly slumps in relief. Thank goodness. This is way above his pay grade. He deals with people after the trauma, not during it! “Can you hear that? That means help is on the way.”

Hyunjin barely manages a nod. Seungmin is still happy to see any sign of response.

“Good. Deep breaths, Hyunjin. They’re almost here.”

Hyunjin’s eyes shut again, but his breathing seems more stable than before.

When the ambulance screeches around the corner, Seungmin moves to make way for the paramedics. A group hops out and surrounds Hyunjin, checking his vitals and prepping a wheeled stretcher.

Seungmin hopes that he’s fine. Just a little bruised, nothing more. That he is just in shock, and that’s why he hasn’t moved. 

One paramedic splits off and heads towards Seungmin, introducing herself as Jihyo and asking if he can tell her what has happened.

“Yes.” Seungmin clears his throat when his voice comes out dry and trembling. “Yes, of course. He was riding off his motorcycle when a flock of pigeons flew into him, and he lost control. His bike hit the curb, and then Hyunjin flew off and hit that streetlamp. I- I think he hit his head.”

Jihyo nods, looks up from her notebook to look in the direction of the streetlamp Seungmin was pointing at. “So, the birds just flew at him? Strange.”

“Oh, no. Grandma Miseok scared them, but she definitely…didn’t mean for this to happen.” At least, Seungmin hopes she didn’t. “I don’t think she should get in trouble for it.”

Jihyo nods further, scribbling more in her notebook. Then she looks over at the old lady seemingly pretending to be as pitiful as possible, leaning on her walker and shaking.

Is she honestly doing this? She’s quite the character.

“I doubt she’ll get in any trouble. If anything, it’ll all go through insurance. Nonetheless, thank you for telling us. The clearer the picture we have, the better we can treat him. You know the victim? You said his name is Hyunjin?”

“Yes, Hwang Hyunjin. Is he gonna be okay?” Undiluted fear flows through his blood with the idea that Hyunjin won’t be.

“We hope so, sir.” She looks behind Seungmin to where they’re loading the stretcher onto the ambulance. “Can you ride with him to the hospital since you know him? We need some more information, and it’s better to do it on the ride there instead of waiting. He needs urgent medical care.”

“Of course. I’ll go.” He agrees in a heartbeat, glancing back at Grandma Miseok in permission. After all, she’s still his patient right now. When she nods, he and the EMT quickly run to the ambulance.

“Thank you for being willing to help,” Jihyo politely says to him once they settle, the siren having started again as they race to the hospital

Ironically, there’s nothing Seungmin would rather do right now. “Of course.”

“So, his name is Hwang Hyunjin, according to…” Jihyo prompts.

“Kim Seungmin.”

“Mr. Kim.” She turns to Hyunjin, leaning down to look at him. “Mr. Hwang, do you have any medical information we should know? Any allergies?”

Hyunjin’s eyes flutter open and closed. He looks at the woman with confusion. “I… don’t know? Everything hurts.”

Another guy checks Hyunjin's IV. The woman nods solemnly and this time her question is directed to Seungmin. “Do you know if Mr. Hwang had any health conditions we should be aware of?”

Seungmin’s eyes land on Hyunjin, thrown off by the scrapes, the IV, and the neck brace. This is so surreal. It’s been months since they last spoke, and now Seungmin is in an ambulance with him?

Jihyo clears her throat, and Seungmin snaps out of it. He manages to reply, “I don’t think so. He does have an eggplant allergy, but it’s not severe or anything.” They used to joke that Hyunjin was just pretending to have one because he didn’t like eggplants.

“Does he have any family that we should notify? Friends you can contact?”

Seungmin hesitates. It is not like he’s particularly updated, but as far as he knows, “Not that I know of. He was an only child, and his parents passed away when he was in high school. I don’t know if he had any friends… Certainly none in this town.”

Such a lonely life… How do you exist like that, Hyunjin? No friends, no family?

The paramedics exchange concerned glances. Seungmin jumps in, feeling a need to defend him. “He’s a really good guy, I swear. He’s just a little misunderstood around here.”

Hyunjin grunts shakily, face wincing but unable to move his body much. “Damn it, my head.”

The sight tugs heavily inside his chest. “Please. Help him.”

The rest of the ride passes in a blur until they’re at the doors of the hospital, people pushing to get to Hyunjin. The waiting room smells like harsh cleaning products. Seungmin wrinkles his nose despite being used to them.

A nurse handed him a form earlier to fill out for Hyunjin, but after the name and birthday section, he’s lost. He doesn’t know what insurance Hyunjin has. Medical background? Social Security number? Someone else should be here!

But there is no one else.

Seungmin starts bouncing his leg nervously as he waits for news of Hyunjin. Has it been an hour already?

“Excuse me, dear?”

He looks up to see the same nurse standing with her hand out.

“All done?”

“Sorry," Seungmin tells her in slight grimace and shame. "I didn’t know the answers for most of them.”

“Oh, honey, it’s okay. It happens. What matters more is that you’re here.” The nurse gives him a kind smile. “That man is going to need a familiar face when he wakes up.”

“Should I stay here with him?”

“You should. It’s up to you, but it'll be good if he has someone there for him.”

“Of course.”

At that, she nods in goodbye before walking away with the clipboard.

I guess I’m staying then. Seungmin sighs. He was going to stay either way. He doesn’t want to admit it out loud, but despite their history, he’s very worried about Hyunjin. What will happen to him now?

…I still care about him a lot after all. 

Perhaps pushing down his feelings didn’t get rid of them.

He spends the next two hours waiting anxiously in his chair until a doctor finally comes out and calls his name. It's Dr. Jung, the physician who has been mentoring Seungmin ever since he started working at the hospital. “Mr. Kim?”

The way she addresses Seungmin says she’s in doctor mode right now, rather than his friend and mentor. Seungmin stands and walks to the door she came through, nerves eroding his stomach.

“Why don’t you follow me,” she says with a curt smile, and begins leading him to a side room.

Seungmin barely makes it three steps before the words leave him. “Doc, how is he?”

But the doctor only ushers him first into the room, closing the door. Is Hyunjin okay? Why hasn’t she said anything?

Grave thoughts start repeating in his head when the silence continues. Dr. Jung never liked Hyunjin, but as a doctor, she would still take care of him. Right? God, I just hope he’s okay. I don’t know what I would do if—

Dr. Jung clears her throat as she sits down, snapping Seungmin out of his spiraling. “Well, physically, he’s mostly fine,” she starts. “A few bad scrapes and bruises, of course. But his head seems to have taken the brunt of the crash. Fortunately, he was wearing a helmet. Unfortunately, he has a severe concussion. We think he has amnesia.”

The smell of antiseptic starts to get to Seungmin. “Amnesia," he echoes faintly.

“Yeah, amnesia does mean you lose your memories. For some, it’s all. For others, it’s short term.”

His heart sinks. Why does Hyunjin have to go through that? “Which one does he...”

“Mr. Hwang seems to have forgotten a lot, dare I say, everything about his past.”

“Everything? Does he- Will it come back?”

“The science of the brain.” She shakes her head. “It’s always a guessing game, so I can’t give you a definitive answer. But, there is reason to believe that the swelling in his brain is what’s causing this amnesia. What’s lucky is that it’s not fatally severe so, hopefully, when it goes down, he’ll regain his memories. He’ll need to come back in a few days for another scan. Then we’ll have a better idea.”

Seungmin exhales. That’s not as bad as he was thinking. “That makes sense.” The news that Hyunjin is mostly okay allows him to think about Hyunjin as a physical therapist, calming down. “Now, what’s the aftercare plan? If he has a concussion, he needs someone to monitor him, right?”

“Yes, well.” A frown creases her face, but it's gone before Seungmin can blink. “We were assuming that you, as a physical therapist and friend of the patient, would like to do that. He needs to stay at his place since it’s a familiar environment. I assume you would be monitoring his condition?”

“Okay. I’ll help.”

She nods, crossing her legs. She doesn’t sound as calm as before. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you would say yes that fast. As his doctor, I know you’re an amazing PT and will help with his recovery. But as your mentor…”

“You’re against this.”

“Of course, I am.”

Two years ago, she heard that he and Hyunjin were dating and said that a big part of physical therapy was trust. That dating the town rebel would make it hard for patients to trust him, and his career wouldn’t advance. That he needed to either dump Hyunjin or he would lose his mentor and his dreams.

“I would hate for this to revive old feelings. You remember what I told you about public perception?”

Of course, Seungmin remembers. He also remembers his guilt over breaking up with Hyunjin.

And after Seungmin’s reaction today, he’s not sure his feelings are all that old.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says nonetheless. “I’m taking care of him, not falling in love with him.”

Dr. Jung stands, dusting off her hands on her pant legs. “Make sure it stays that way. I’d hate for your patients not to trust you. And you should probably go home and change. Your clothes are a little…dirty.”

With that, she disappears out the door, leaving him to contemplate his situation. Looks like he’ll really be staying with Hyunjin for a while.

Back at his apartment, his room looks like his closet threw up, and his best friend slash roommate is laughing at him.

“Honey, why are you freaking out over what to pack? It’s fifteen minutes away. You can always come back? Oh. I know,” he singsongs. “You still like Hyunjin, don't you? What a surprise!”

“Jisung, please. You’re ridiculous.”

“That man is H-O-T hot so honestly I can't blame you. I still can’t believe you dumped his fine ass. You two were, like, perfect together.” He raises a finger when Seungmin opens his mouth, as if he already knows what he'll say. “I don’t care what that doctor jungle said.”

Jisung does know. And yes, he has always called her that since time immemorial. Seungmin sighs, more honest now. “The more I think about it, the more I feel bad that I broke up with him for a job.” He side-eyes his best friend to, in fact, see him grinning too wide for his liking. “You’re getting way too much enjoyment out of this.”

“Maybe, but you’re also putting way too much thought into it. Just wear what you normally wear. But pack some sexy PJs. You know, just in case.”

With a wink, Jisung walks out, and Seungmin groans.

He finishes packing. Almost.

His ears start feeling warm even as he picks up a simple shirt and shorts. Comfortability. Why the hell would he wear something sexy just because Hyunjin’s around?

Normal sleepwear sorted, he quickly changes into some clean clothes. He grabs his duffel bag and drives to the hospital to pick up Hyunjin, calling to tell them he’s on his way.

As Seungmin pulls into the pickup lane, a nurse rolls Hyunjin out to greet him.

Hyunjin looks…okay.

Actually, he looks great, given the circumstances. There are only a few visible bandages on his arms, and he is sitting up straight and almost smiling.

“Hyunjin, this is Dr. Kim Seungmin. He's the PT who will stay with you.” The nurse helps him out of the wheelchair, closer to Seungmin’s car.

“I remember you,” is the first thing Hyunjin says to him.

Seungmin's breath hitches. He does?

“You’re the one who rode in the ambulance with me, yeah? You were there for the accident?”

Right, that's why. “Yes— that was me. You can just call me Seungmin. I’m glad you’re doing okay. That was scary to watch.”

“Seungmin…” Hyunjin smiles, though it turns bashful. “I’m sorry you had to watch that. I’m sure it was hard for you.”

…Did Hyunjin just apologize?

There’s an awkward pause as Seungmin and the nurse exchange glances, but she breaks the silence. “He’s signed all the forms releasing him to your care, so you’re all set,” the nurse informs him.

Seungmin thanks her with a polite nod, and then he looks at his new patient. "You ready?”

“As ready as I can be.”

Seungmin smiles. "Then let's go."

The nurse helps Hyunjin into his car before checking him over one last time. “Aright, all settled. Here is the aftercare information you might need, though your PT already knows it.” She hands it to Hyunjin with a wink as Seungmin buckles himself.

“All set?” Seungmin asks, and when Hyunjin nods, he takes that as a cue to leave.

They’re barely out of the hospital parking lot when Hyunjin speaks to him again. “Sorry to bother you, but…where are we going?”

Right, he forgot Hyunjin doesn’t even know where his own house is now. “We’re going to your house.” He gives Hyunjin a smile, keeping his tone light. “It’s on the other side of town, but it’s a small town.”

“So, you’ve been to my house before? Were we close?”

“Kinda. We, uh,” Now, how does Seungmin say it? They were frenemies? Exes? Past lovers? Acquaintances? Seungmin broke up with him to further his career, and yet he’s never gotten over it? “We were friends.”

Hyunjin nods, seemingly satisfied. He looks out the window to take in the scenery. “Thank you for agreeing to take care of me. I know it’s an inconvenience, and I really appreciate it.”

This is probably the nicest Hyunjin has ever been. “What are friends for, right?” Seungmin shoots him a smile, and Hyunjin chuckles, the gravelly sound warming his heart.

“Are all of my friends as pretty as you?” Hyunjin says suddenly, and it makes Seungmin stutter, not knowing what to say.

“l- well—”

“You’re definitely the prettiest, no?”

Seungmin feels a blush spread to his cheeks as he fights off a smile.

“Yeah?” Hyunjin says, mood significantly chipper, “Guess I got lucky with you as my caretaker then.”

He’s definitely taking his situation better and much braver than Seungmin expected.

Seungmin decides not to reply, words caught in his throat, warmth blooming in his chest. He lets the comfortable and easy silence wrap around them.

Hyunjin speaks again after another while, and Seungmin casts a brief glance at him, wondering if he heard him right. Hyunjin is already looking at him, clearly hesitant.

“Sorry,” Hyunjin repeats. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I know you’re kind of stuck with me. I don’t want to cross any lines.”

“No, no, you’re fine,” Seungmin immediately waves him off. “I’m just- I guess- just thrown off by how different you are.”

The Hyunjin now is so considerate, it’s like he switched bodies with someone crazy nice. This, Seungmin thinks to himself, might be a problem.

At least before, Hyunjin’s hotness was offset by occasional moments of rudeness.

Hyunjin tilts his head, disbelieving. “What, the old me wouldn’t have complimented you?”

Seungmin smiles sadly. “Probably not.” At least not after their breakup.

Hyunjin scoffs a self-depreciating laugh as he leans his head back on his seat. “Then I was an idiot.”

Seungmin almost doesn’t hear what he says next after a particular loud honking of a car near them, but Hyunjin adds under his breath, “Especially if we were only friends.”

Seungmin's breath hitches...then he exhales slowly, fearing his heart might somehow jump out of his chest when it shouldn't.

Hyunjin might say that, but Seungmin is definitely still feeling like the idiot one for breaking up with him.

They pull into Hyunjin’s driveway, seeing the Honda that one of the paramedics must’ve dropped off.

“Well, this is your home. Hope you like it.” But silence greets Seungmin’s words as he unbuckles himself and turns off the engine. When he looks over at Hyunjin, he finds him simply staring out the window. “Hyunjin? What’s wrong?”

“Sorry, I…” Hyunjin slowly gets out of the car and walks over to the motorcycle. He places his hand on the handlebar. “I used to ride this, didn’t I?”

Seungmin nods, mutters a ‘yes’ as he watchfully follows him with his eyes. Hyunjin hardly notices, still staring at the bike with reverence.

“I remember seeing the open road in front of me, nothing between the wind and me… It all felt so free. Like an escape.” He shakes his head, looking back at Seungmin. “I can’t remember what I was escaping from, though. This whole amnesia thing's really throwing me off, to be honest. It’s frustrating. It’s like I can almost remember everything, but it’s all just out of reach. Does that make sense?”

“Of course.” Seungmin smiles softly, hoping it’s soothing enough for him right now. Hyunjin must be so confused, and Seungmin can only imagine how hard his situation must be. “The doctor said your memories would probably come back once the swelling goes down. You just need to be patient.”

“You’re right.”

Seungmin offers him another reassuring smile and unbuckles his seatbelt. “I usually am! Now, let’s head inside. You’re probably about to pass out.”

Hyunjin lightens up. “I do feel like I could fall asleep standing up right now.”

“You’ve had a really long day. Did you grab your keys from the hospital?”

Hyunjin nods. “I got it on my way out. I’m glad they could salvage it.”

Hyunjin unlocks the door to his place, and once Seungmin steps inside, he feels the memories come rushing back.

Memories of him and Hyunjin. So many nights on this couch, laughing about nothing.

So much more nights in the bedroom, tangled in the sheets.

For the unthinkable umpteenth time, Seungmin wonders whether having a mentor is worth breaking up with him.

“You okay?”

Seungmin blinks out of his thoughts at Hyunjin’s worried voice. And he’s the doctor here. “Sorry, yes. It’s just been a while since I’ve been here. And, you can really just call me Seungmin.”

Hyunjin’s eyes still shine, with happiness, with something else. “If you insist, Seungmin.”

As the sun sets, Seungmin spends the rest of the evening getting Hyunjin settled in and making a simple dinner before bed.

Seungmin has just begun rearranging couch pillows when he notices Hyunjin hasn’t moved. “Why don’t you check your bedroom out and I’ll set up on the couch?”

Hyunjin instantly shuts him down. “No, you’re a guest. You take the bed, I’ll take the couch.”

“But you’re injured. I’m taking the couch. End of discussion.”

“This is my house, isn’t it? Don’t I get to end discussions?”

Seungmin suppresses a laugh. Still as stubborn as ever. That didn't change at least. “Not with your doctor, you don’t.”

Hyunjin is still adamant. “You’re waking me up every two hours, right?”

“Yes,” Seungmin nods, because Hyunjin is correct and he can’t exactly lie and he doesn’t know where Hyunjin is going with this. Okay— maybe he does but he’s just probably assuming again! It’s almost as if he’s the one who bumped his head. “As per concussion protocol.”

“Great. So we’ll both take the bed then. That’s the simplest way to do it. No walking.”

Seungmin can’t believe he is actually considering this. Hyunjin grins, somehow knowing he’s already won him over. “I’m glad you see it my way,” he says, before Seungmin can even formulate another negative response.

“How much of a choice did I really have here?”

“Hey! If you had said no, I would've understood.” Hyunjin refutes, even sighing woefully after. "And would've been very disappointed.”

Seungmin shakes his head exasperatedly, unable to not smile at his dramatics. Hyunjin smiles back at him, then he’s hefting Seungmin’s bag over his arm despite Seungmin's protests.

“Wait— I said you're injured! I can manage—”

“Shh. It’s fine, this isn’t heavy. Now, you lead the way to the bedroom since you know it better than I do.”

Seungmin resigns to his fate. Battle lost. Game over.

Once in Hyunjin’s bedroom, Seungmin beelines to the bathroom, grabbing his bag from his damned-stubborn patient.

“I’ll just get changed in here. You can do whatever you need to do,” Seungmin says quickly and shuts the door.

He leans against it resignedly. What am I doing?

This is such a bad idea.

For one thing, given his circumstances, all this something is highly unprofessional. And if Hyunjin gets his memory back and realizes Seungmin dumped him, he’s going to think Seungmin tricked him.

UGH. He thuds his head back against the door as his thoughts raced.

“Seungmin? You okay in there?"

Seungmin exhales. “Yes! Just tripped a little, I’m fine!”

Guess he can’t really turn back now. After he quickly dresses in perfectly normal PJs and brushes his teeth, he opens the door to a shirtless Hyunjin in just his grey sweatpants, and with only the ambient amber light from his lamp to illuminate him.

“Oh—”Seungmin quickly covers his eyes, turning around. “Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t realize you weren’t done yet.” 

He also didn’t realized his body still looked this good—- Get a damn grip, Kim Seungmin!

“No, uh. Actually, if it’s okay with you, I was gonna sleep shirtless,” Hyunjin asks slowly, tentatively. “It feels like I used to do that? I don’t know.”

He did. Seungmin turns back around. Half chiding himself deep inside for acting like this and making a big deal out of it. Half cheering for the brighter side, the progress. After all, he is still Hyunjin’s doctor right now. “Hey, that’s something! Maybe not a vivid memory but something.”

Hyunjin laughs at his optimism, pulling back the covers on the bed, situating himself more comfortably. “Glad we’re celebrating the little things.” He pats the covers next to him. “Come on over. Sleep here."

And isn’t that so tempting. Seungmin tries to get away once more. “I'm really fine with your couch.”

“We're back at it again? You deserve to rest well too. Come on, I won't bite.”

Seungmin stands still. He knows from the smile that’s on Hyunjin's face that he still cannot refuse Hyunjin anything.

Or he just isn’t trying hard enough.

“Unless you want me to?” Hyunjin prompts, sharp eyes glinting, brows even going up and down for good measure. Doubling down, that he is just teasing.

The terrible line breaks the tension, and Seungmin hollers as he slides next to him. “There will be no funny business tonight, mister. Unless you count alarms going off every two hours.”

“What other funny business is there?” Hyunjin banters back easily, chuckling as he turns off the lamp.

Meanwhile, Seungmin sets the alarms, and with all the stress of the day, they both fall asleep quickly.

Each of the check-ins goes off without a hitch.

Until Seungmin wakes up right before the final alarm, that is. 

Why is it so warm?

As he slowly comes to his senses, he also comes to the realization that the pillow beneath him isn’t a pillow, but Hyunjin’s bare chest.

Oh my god.

Hyunjin’s breathing is even beneath him. After giving himself an indulging—but not enough, never enough—five warm minutes, probably more, Seungmin tries to discreetly and gently untangle himself. 

Just as he pulls away however, the arm around him tightens, squeezes on his lower belly, and the familiar touch is enough to send heat where they shouldn't be. 

Shit. Just that is enough for Seungmin to react like this. God, his touches can still feel like this.

The usual morning silence continues. Hyunjin is probably still asleep.

This is too much.

He needs to get out of here.

I don’t deserve this, his mind repeats, over and over, slowly increasing in volume the more he stays in the warm comfort of Hyunjin’s embrace. I don’t deserve this. All of it. Not after what I did.

But then, the same hand starts skimming up on his stomach, unintentionally and inevitably touching the exposed skin when it dips beneath the hem of Seungmin’s shirt. It leaves a hot trail of goosebumps in its wake, and Seungmin closes his eyes, holds his breath, heart racing, unable to bring himself to move now—

Waiting. Almost impatiently waiting to see what's going to happen next.

The hand reaches the underside of his chest, feather-light on his cold skin, past his waist, almost near the sensitive nub on his chest that’s surely getting sensitive and hard, and Seungmin can’t hold a low moan any longer from all of the sweet, delicious tension. Hyunjin’s hand freezes.

Oh no. No.

He looks up only to find Hyunjin’s eyes already looking straight at him, heavy with sleep but no less intense. Then Seungmin’s sight subconsciously zeroes on the movement of his enticing throat when Hyunjin gulps.

“Uh, good morning?" Hyunjin greets, voice rough from sleep. If Seungmin were standing on his feet, his knees would've buckled from the sheer nostalgia it made him feel. 

“Good morning- sorry- I had nothing to do with it, I swear,” Seungmin explains. When he realizes that neither of them has still moved, he rolls off of Hyunjin so quickly he nearly falls of the bed.

“Careful–” Hyunjin instinctively reaches out but he doesn’t touch him because Seungmin steps back so quickly. His hand hovers in the air before dropping down.

Hyunjin sitting up on the bed exposes even more of his entire torso in Seungmin’s view and he just can’t—

“Seungmin, it’s okay. We were both asleep. No harm, no foul.”

Yep. Definitely both sleeping.

“I- um- I’m going to go make some coffee.” Seungmin can’t even meet Hyunjin’s eyes right now. “We should never speak of this again.”

Seungmin rushes out of the room like lightning.

“So, what’s on the agenda for today, doc?”

Two glasses of water downed, Seungmin turns around to find the darn guy still shirtless, now leaning casually against the kitchen counter.

Looking like the fucking man of Seungmin's dreams. Both literally and figuratively.

Seungmin nearly sighs out loud. It's so unfair.

In his defense, it’s pretty hard to focus when Hyunjin looks like that. Did he put on some muscle since they dated? Looks like it… It’s been a few years by now, after all…

He only registers how long it’s taken him to respond when he finally notices the cocky grin spreading across Hyunjin’s face.

“Right.” Seungmin answers a beat too late, then he’s rather rambling. “I was thinking we could take a walk around the park where it happened. I’m sure you’re sore from the crash, but it’ll be good to get those muscles moving. It might jog some memories, too. What do you think?”

“Sounds good to me.” Hyunjin merely indulges, not calling anything out. “Why don’t we get ready and meet back here in ten? Is that enough time?”

“Can you handle yourself already?”

“I was able to change myself last night, right? I’m good, Seungmin.”

Well, being shirtless isn’t exactly changing but sure, the sweatpants count.

“Alright. Just be extra careful with your head.”

“See you soon!” Then he’s walking back to his bedroom.

“You sound pretty excited!” Seungmin shouts after him, chuckling at his enthusiasm.

“Who wouldn’t be?” Hyunjin’s voice echoes brightly around the house.

Seungmin is putting on his shoes by the door by the time Hyunjin walks up to meet him, dressed in an athletic shirt that shows off his muscles—and what an eye sore, really. 

Seungmin has to catch himself before he starts drooling.

“Ready to go?” Hyunjin asks, and while his smirk might mean he has caught him staring, Seungmin, being Seungmin, decides to ignore it.

“Yeah, I’ll drive. We should avoid the motorcycle for a bit.”

The sun is bright in the sky by the time they arrive, walking around the park and enjoying the fresh air.

“This is where it happened?”

“Yeah.” Seungmin swallows hard as he looks across the street where Hyunjin had his accident, panic still fresh in his memory. “Right there.”

“It’s funny. It seems familiar to me, but not in a way that I can place.”

“That’s common for people with amnesia...” Seungmin has done some research after learning about his diagnosis. “It’s like, you remember how to use utensils, right? All of the knowledge is still there. But for now, the brain has locked some info away, whether for trauma or some other reason.”

“Ah, I was beginning to forget you are spending time with me as a doctor and not as a friend.” Hyunjin grins. “Thanks for reminding me how much of a nerd you are.”

“Hey now!” Seungmin’s pout juts out automatically. “I can be both!”

And really, he was just curious!

“And I’m grateful to have you,” Hyunjin's smile softens, “in either capacity.” Hyunjin looks around the park, taking in the people around them. “There's one thing I’ve been curious about. Do you notice all the, um, nasty looks I’m getting?”

“Well. About that...” Seungmin is just going to have to be honest, isn't he? Of course, Hyunjin would notice. “I was hoping you hadn’t.”

“You know why? Is it the accident?”

But Seungmin can still keep some things from him. For now. For Hyunjin. “Yeah. Maybe.”

The Hyunjin now is acting like this without knowing what people think of him. Seungmin worries that if he remembers… if he’ll fall back into that old role when he does.

“You don’t think that’s it, though.”

Looking at the park goers, Seungmin shakes his head as he sits down beside him on a nearby bench. “I mean, it could be. I just don’t think it is.”

He feels Hyunjin staring at him long enough that he meets his eyes, seeing confusion swimming in them.

“Seungmin, will you tell me the truth?”

Even like this, Hyunjin still notices.

“Of course.” Just not about what I did.

“Who was I? Before the accident? Was I a bad person?”

“You weren’t,” Seungmin answers honestly. “I think...other people thought that you were, and you didn’t do anything to change their minds. It's like the you around town and the you when we were alone were two separate people.”

“So," Hyunjin mulls it over, "basically I just acted rebelliously?”

“I always thought you were just putting on a front. I think that's easier than letting people in. Sometimes, you were pretty believable… so who knows?" Seungmin thinks of the more recent encounters. "Maybe I was wrong.” He stares at Hyunjin's face, his frown, wondering how much to tell him.

“And somehow, you think this has something to do with my parents’ death,” Hyunjin notes quietly. “One of the doctors said my amnesia might be related to their car accident. That... you know.”

“They told you about that.”

Hyunjin only nods somberly.

“I think you always resented people for not helping more. You were basically still a kid. Left to survive all alone. You kept hurting, until you pulled away and gave them a reason not to help you.”

Hyunjin looks at the pigeons in the distance, taking it all in.

As brave and strong and stubborn as he always is, Seungmin only hopes that isn’t  too much for him to handle.

After a moment, Hyunjin breaks the silence. “I don’t know if you’re right. If I was actually a good guy just putting up a wall. But,” he takes a deep breath and looks back at Seungmin. “I do know that I want you to be right. More than that, I don’t want to be that guy anymore. I want to be a good person, Seungmin."

And I hope you’ll be there for me, remains unsaid, but Seungmin gets it anyway.

Seungmin smiles, all fondness and warmth and understanding. “Based off of these recent days, I think you're on the right track.”

That makes Hyunjin smile now too, the light back on his face. “Well, that’s a good start. How about you help me with some motivation?” His eyes shine as they meet his, and Seungmin dares to think they look like hope.

“Sure? What can I do?”

“You can go on a date with me.”

Now, Seungmin thinks he heard wrong.

He isn’t serious, is he?

But Hyunjin pins him steady with his gaze, and Seungmin just doesn't see anybody else. It’s always so easy, to get lost in those eyes. His heart thrashes in its cage.

Hyunjin needs an answer. A proper one.

“Hyunjin, I… I can’t just do that. You lost your memories. I’d feel like I'm taking advantage of you.”

Hyunjin hums, undeterred. “Well, I didn't mean today. I meant the day after my next scan, Thursday. By then we’ll know if my memories are coming back.”

Seungmin opens his mouth to protest, but Hyunjin already continues persistently.

“If they come back, great. And if they don’t, I can’t just put my life on pause as I wait. Hopefully, the next few days will be enough time to prove to you that I can change. That I can be the good person you always thought I was.”

Hyunjin takes his hand, his thumb rubbing smooth soothing circles on it. The thoughtful touch makes Seungmin shudder.

“Do we have a deal?” Hyunjin looks at him so full of hope.

But this is so dangerous. Seungmin really shouldn’t. And he definitely shouldn’t without telling Hyunjin about their history…which he can’t do yet.

But if it’s so wrong, why else does Seungmin want to say yes so badly?

“Alright.” So there he is, throwing caution to the wind again. Seungmin doesn’t deserve this, but… “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. But only if I get to choose the restaurant.”

Hyunjin’s eyes light up more than ever, and Seungmin’s heart stutters. Stupid, foolish heart. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, he gets butterflies in his stomach just at the thought of their potential date.

“Deal. I don’t remember what’s good around here anyway.” Hyunjin stands from the bench and offers him his hand.

“I think I can get up on my own,” Seungmin grins up at him, affected by his energy.

“I know.” Hyunjin still takes his hand in his and gives it a gentle tug. “Would a bad person help you up? I don’t think so.”

Giggling at his reasoning, Seungmin just lets Hyunjin help him up from the bench. Hyunjin pulls him slightly harder than he needs to, in utter mischief, and sends Seungmin careening into his chest. And then as if that isn't enough, he audaciously plants a soft kiss on his cheek that briefly, and effectively short-circuits Seungmin's brain.

Hyunjin gives him a serious look, and it vaguely reminds Seungmin of the old Hyunjin. “I’m gonna try my hardest to prove it to you. I know that I don’t remember you, but I can tell you right now. You’re worth it, Seungmin.”

His words render Seungmin speechless. But then, it’s just so...Hyunjin to do something like that.

It's always been like this, when he's faced with the sheer force of Hyunjin's will, passion, strength. One of the many, many things Seungmin admires about him.

“Now, come on! I think it’s the perfect day for ice cream."

In the end, Seungmin concedes and indulges. “I know just the place. There’s one outside of town with the best ice cream I’ve ever had.”

“Well then, I trust you, Mr. Kim Seungmin, even with something as sacred as ice cream.” Hyunjin gives him a little courteous bow, and Seungmin can’t contain his laughter.

Oh, God. What have I gotten myself into?

The next morning, Seungmin can barely concentrate on work, replaying the day before in his mind.

Hyunjin spent the day asking him about everything—from Seungmin’s hopes and dreams to his favorite color. At the end of the day, Hyunjin reiterated his promise to prove himself to him.

This new version of Hyunjin is everything he has thought he could be. And more. Seungmin is in deep, deep trouble.

“Kim Seungmin!”

Felix's voice startles him out of his thoughts. He spins around to find the receptionist looking at him.

“Sorry to startle you.” Felix smiles guiltily. “I called your name like four times. Got a bad case of the Mondays?”

“Um, something like that.”

“Aww, then maybe this will cheer you! You’ve got a delivery and I went ahead and put them on your desk. And can I just say, mate, I’m jealous! Keep them around whoever they are, a'ight?”

A delivery? Seungmin thanks him and hurries over to his office. Who would— Hyunjin?

Sitting on his desk is the most beautiful display of hoary stock he has ever seen.

Wow...

He picks up the card attached to it.

Hey, Seungmin, it says. I was trying to think of a way to thank you for taking care of me this weekend, and another way to let you know how much I care about you. Everything I thought of just fell short, so I settled on these stocks.

Seungmin looks back at the enormous bouquet, wondering how anyone could think this is ‘settling.’

They’re not nearly as beautiful as you are, but they’re your favorite, so I hope they give you as much joy as you give me. I can’t wait to see you again. - Hyunjin

Warmth takes over his cheeks at the message.

Hyunjin is being so sweet, but he almost wasn’t even like this when they dated the first time around— although, yeah… at least the first time around, Hyunjin knew their whole history.

The reminder puts a damper on the moment.

Seungmin looks at the card again. He'll have tell Hyunjin soon. Not now. The doctors said too much information could overload his brain, and Seungmin can’t risk that.

In the meantime, he can text Hyunjin to thank him.

Thanks for the flowers, they’re gorgeous

He receives a reply almost immediately.

I’m glad you like them. I’m just trying to make you smile as much as you’ve made me

It is so cheesy, but Seungmin is smiling right now, so Hyunjin seems to be accomplishing his mission at least.

I don’t think u have to try this hard

You’re right, I’ll have to try harder
I’ll get to planning and let you get back to work

That’s not what I meant and u know it!

Aren’t you supposed to be healing the sick right now?
I’ll talk to you later Seungmin ^^

Helplessly endeared, Seungmin laughs to himself and closes his phone. He hides the card and flowers, not wanting unnecessary stares from others, and certainly not an admonishment from a certain Dr. Jung. 

He thinks he can get used to this.

Although the nicer Hyunjin is, the worse Seungmin feels about lying to him.

It's the following day, and he's about to take his lunch break when Felix comes by again.

“You’ve got another delivery, mate! This one might be a little time-sensitive, though. You might wanna check it out soon.” Felix giggles.

“Oh, thank you, Felix.”

What could it be this time?

Seungmin heads to his office, quite surprised to find someone waiting inside.

“Oh.” His heart pounds faster as the figure turns around, and he sees Hyunjin holding two bags. “Hi.”

“Hey, Seungmin." Hyunjin greets him with his usual boyish smile. "You told me you didn’t have time for lunch yesterday, so I figured I’d bring you one. It's okay if you can’t eat right now though! I can just leave it here.”

“No, no. Now’s perfect.” He can’t believe Hyunjin actually came here to see him. Poor heart of mine, please hold on. “I was about to take my lunch break actually. Would you like to stay? Eat with me.”

Hyunjin's smile beams. “Was hoping you’d say that.”

There, they both sit comfortably on the spare couch as Hyunjin pulls out takeout boxes from a well-known resto one town over.

“You like kimchi jjigae, right? The guy at the bike shop told me this place was the best. Hope this is okay.”

“It’s perfect.” You are perfect– Whoa.

Time to tone down the thoughts.

Outside of Seungmin's inner turmoil, Hyunjin doesn’t seem to notice anything. He spoons rice onto a ceramic bowl he brought. “Eat a lot, hm? I got a lot of options for side dishes so have whatever you want.”

Seungmin takes his own serving, the smile not leaving his lips as he watches the other bite into an egg roll. “You went to the bike shop?”

“Yeah, figured I shouldn’t let fear keep me from riding so I wanna get it checked out.”

You’re always so brave, so strong.

“That’s a great idea. You used to ride all the time.”

“Yeah, won't let this accident stop me from doing what I love.”

“Is your bike okay?”

“Seems like it. I think they should replace a few parts, but it should be up and running soon.”

“That’s good… As long as you stay safe.”

Hyunjin smiles at him and changes the topic to the food, but Seungmin’s thoughts keep drifting back.

What if something happens to you again?

Or you remember we used to date and hate me for not telling you?

He glances up at Hyunjin then, only to see him staring at him, concerned.

“Where did your head go just then?”

“I…was just thinking about, um. What would happen if you got hurt again.” Seungmin looks back down at his plate, stares holes at his food. “These last few days… I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you. I don’t really want it to end.”

There's some shuffling, and then Hyunjin’s finger is under his chin, tipping his face up.

“Hey.”

Hyunjin moves his hand to his cheek, tucking some of Seungmin’s hair behind his ear and holding his hand there.

“It’s okay to be worried. But nothing is going to happen to me. And Seungmin,” his hand cupping Seungmin’s cheek is warm against his face, and Seungmin can’t help but lean into it.

Hyunjin’s eyes heat as he leans closer, seeming to draw Seungmin in, and Seungmin’s own eyes flutter shut as Hyunjin nears his lips.

Seungmin waits, and waits, until he feels lips brushing against the shell of his ear.

“I like you too,” Hyunjin whispers. Then he’s pulling away and sitting back with a smug, satisfied look on his handsome face.

Seungmin waits for his heart rate to calm down. He has no right to want Hyunjin to kiss the fuck out of his mouth so badly.

“Is that all you got?” he jokingly challenges, flirting back instinctively. Like he always did.

“Don’t worry. That’s it for now. I know you have a timeline and I don’t want to push that. At least, not too much.”

Hyunjin winks, and Seungmin bites his inner cheek.

It’s better this way. Seungmin should keep his distance.

“Now eat, your food is getting cold.” Hyunjin spears some rice cakes, and Seungmin relents, doing the same. “So, what made you decide to go into physical therapy, Seungmin? Was it your mom?”

“You remember that?” Seungmin has only mentioned that in passing last Sunday. 

“I remember everything you’ve said.” Hyunjin grins. “Now stop avoiding the question.”

“I… yes. That’s why.”

“Do you think she knows that?”

“Wait a minute, you should be asking me about you. This is about your memories, not mine!”

“Maybe, but I’d much rather learn about you. That’s what I care about.”

It is?

“And hey, maybe it’ll make me remember something too. I’m sure I was interested in you back then too.”

You were. And then I didn’t care enough to keep you.

Rather than spoiling the mood though, Seungmin indulges him with answers to his question. And the rest of them.

By the time Hyunjin leaves, Seungmin is left with the distinct impression that Hyunjin genuinely cares about making him happy.

God, it’s me again. Just what is Seungmin going to do with him?

When Seungmin gets back from work on Wednesday, he hasn’t heard from Hyunjin all day.

Hence comes the big W. What-ifs.

What if he crashed somewhere? Or what if he remembers now? What if he got his memories back and remembered our past?

Right as he’s about to spiral, he hears a knock at his door.

Did Jisung forget his keys again? 

“Hey.”

Seungmin has opened the door, ready to tease his best friend, but it’s not Jisung who greets him. “Hyunjin?”

“I got a surprise for you. Would you be willing to leave with me and let me drive your car?”

“I… okay? No, I will drive.”

“Trust me on this one, please. I swear I’m okay.”

Seungmin sighs, unable to resist when Hyunjin is practically bursting at the seams from excitement. He tosses him his keys, and Hyunjin catches them with a huge smile on his face.

“Great! Grab your stuff and let’s go.”

Fifteen minutes later, they’re pulling into an office complex just outside of town.

“What are we doing here?”

“Give me a second. You’ll see.” Hyunjin hoists a backpack on his shoulder and unlocks the door to a small brick building, ushering him inside.

Once in, Seungmin takes a look around. The space is mostly empty, with a door blocking off the front from the back.

“Hyunjin? What is this place?”

Seungmin turns around to find him setting up a picnic, complete with a bottle of champagne. Hyunjin motions for him to sit. “It’s your private practice.”                 

What?

“Well, not yet. But it could be. I know it’s your dream to open one. So I went around today with a leasing agent to try and find the right space. And this one seems perfect.”

What...

Seungmin looks around the place with new eyes. He sees what could be a waiting room right where he’s sitting in.

“Played the amnesia card. The guy took pity on me and gave me the key for an after-hours visit. So, what do you think?”

“Hyunjin, this is…” Seungmin is practically speechless again. "I can’t believe you did this for me.”

“It’s nothing. I just wanted you to know I believe in you.”

How do you still...

“Thank you, Hyunjin, really.”

“You can thank me by opening that private practice you’ve always dreamed of having.”

Looking around again, Seungmin sees the potential of this space and his dreams coming true.

Maybe… maybe this time, he can keep Hyunjin in those dreams too.

Hyunjin pops open the champagne and pours it into two plastic flutes, giving one to him. “Cheers!”

Even as they clink glasses, Seungmin can’t help but stare at him, watching as Hyunjin gulps his drink down.

Hyunjin. You’re really something.

And Seungmin is a weak, weak man.

That's why Seungmin leans forward.

Hyunjin's eyes widen in surprise a bit, but luckily, that's not where Seungmin's focus is on right now, no.

“Seungmin?”

Eyes closing, mind made up, and resolved weakened, Seungmin finally presses his lips to his, the contact sending a delicious shock through his system. Hyunjin startles slightly, and it takes everything in Seungmin to pull away.

“Thank you again, Hyunjin,” he whispers softly against his lips, the touch tingling.

As if intoxicated, Hyunjin smiles wolfishly and leans in even closer.

But you see, Seungmin knows that smile, and if Seungmin kisses him again, he himself is not going to want to stop.

So like the grown responsible adult that he is, he puts a finger up against Hyunjin’s soft lips to stop him. Taking his glass with his other hand, he drinks back a big gulp of champagne instead, trying to damp down the shiver all this tension is giving him, heat coiling low in his spine. “We shouldn’t. Not until after your scans.”

Hyunjin’s eyes stay heated as he continue staring longingly at Seungmin’s mouth, before lifting his gaze back up into Seungmin’s eyes.

All this desire and attention, all on Seungmin, all for him...

“Good thing they’re tomorrow then.” Hyunjin says, lips still pressed to his finger. Seungmin swallows hard, the intensity of Hyunjin's gaze causing him to bite his lip. “And as for that date, Friday night. Let me take you to dinner, Seungmin.”

By then, by then, they will know if Hyunjin is getting his memories back or not. Seungmin will know if Hyunjin will still treat him like this.

Would he have it any other way, though?

“Okay,” he answers, pulling his finger away as if the touch finally hit and burned. The heat still lingers like an echo.

Hyunjin tries to hide his grin with his glass but fails miserably. “I’ll pick you up at six.”

“Can’t wait.” In the end, no matter what, he hopes Hyunjin’s scans turn out okay.

Hyunjin’s smile drops into a subtle smirk, eyes drifting back to Seungmin’s lips, searing and hot.

It tingles as if it remembers.

“I’ll be thinking about you all day.”

And Seungmin drains his glass just to cool off from the implication, from the sheer desire in his tone. His own eyes fall half-lidded, not even capable of taking them off those sweet lips making such enticing promises.

Friday can’t come soon enough.

The next evening, Seungmin keeps pacing on the living room, waiting for Hyunjin to call with the news of his scans.

“Calm down, speedy. You’re gonna tear a hole through the floor.” Jisung pointlessly comments, his eyes never leaving the anime he’s watching on their living room TV. “What’s got you so worked up anyway?”

“I… It’s this whole Hyunjin situation…”

“He’s finding out if he’s getting his memories back?”

“Yes.”

Pausing the anime, Jisung shifts to look at him, only his head hanging backward against the armrest of the couch. Isn’t that uncomfortable.

“Should be a good thing then? No more waiting. Why are you freaking out?”

“He doesn’t know we dated.”

“Seungmin—!” Jisung abruptly twists to sit up, even kneeling on the couch to fully face him. Or chew him out. “You didn’t tell him?!”

“The doctor said too much information could hinder his recovery! I didn’t want that. But now I’m worried he’ll think I withheld it on purpose.”

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

“Dude, you have to tell him. I'm so serious. Before your date tomorrow.”

“I know. I will.” Seungmin sighs. “Probably.”

Jisung rolls his eyes, about to start what is probably an epic tirade, but Seungmin’s phone starts ringing.

“It’s him.” Seungmin shushes his friend and answers the call. “Hyunjin? What’d they say?”

“Hello to you too," a chuckle on the line. "I've got good news! They said my swelling had gone down. My scans are clear too. And based on my tests, they think I should remember everything within the next day or so.”

It all turns Seungmin speechless, staying silent as he takes it all in.

That means… he’ll remember us. Remember what I did.

“Seungmin? Did you hear me?” A pause. “We’re cleared for our date tomorrow, I’m gonna be okay."

Seungmin blinks. “I did! That’s awesome, Hyunjin, I’m so happy for you.”

“Yeah?” Hyunjin laughs. “When you didn’t respond, I was worried you're hiding some dark secret from me.”

That makes Seungmin’s stomach tighten further with guilt.

“Actually…”

At this, he feels a hand reaching out for him and guiding him to sit on the couch. His best friend offers an encouraging smile. ‘You won’t regret this,’ Jisung mouths, 'you're strong too' and then he goes to the kitchen, probably to give them privacy.

Jisung is right. It's about time Seungmin face his fears, his excuses. He already has enough lies to regret about.

Taking a deep breath, Seungmin forges on. “Now that I know it won’t hurt your recovery, there is something important I need to tell you.”

There’s silence on the line, and he can tell Hyunjin is preparing himself for something big. “I was just joking, but if you do have something to say…”

“I do.” Seungmin needs to tell him. Now. It’s the right thing to do, no matter how Hyunjin reacts. “Hyunjin, we, um… We dated. A couple of years ago.”

Once he starts, the words leave him in a rush.

“It wasn’t serious or anything, just a couple of months. But we were happy. We were. At least in private. But then my mentor found out, and she told me I needed to stop seeing you, or I’d never… never get patients. We already had some issues because of your rebel persona… and I… I listened to her.”

The silence on the other end stretches longer. Seungmin can feel his pounding heartbeat louder in his bones.

“I’m so sorry,” his voice wavers, but he continues. For Hyunjin. For himself. "I'm sorry for everything. For listening to her. For not telling you. The hospital staff told me not to tell you too much information or it could hurt you, but I know it’s no excuse. I still didn’t do anything before… everything. Except leave you. I’m sorry.”

His eyes sting with threatening tears. He’s been holding back for so long, and now he’s said it.

“I hope you can forgive me,” Seungmin pleads softly, even if he knows he doesn't deserve it.

Everything stays quiet.

“This is a lot to take in. Thank you for telling me,” Hyunjin says eventually, after what felt like years. Another pause, like he's considering what words he’ll need to shatter Seungmin's world. “But it does hurt that you didn’t before, even if you were told you couldn’t.”

“I know, and I'm so sorry. I didn’t do it to trick you or anything like that. I promise, Hyunjin, I was just— scared." Seungmin can’t stop the sob when the word finally leaves his mouth. That's all he has been. All these damn years. "I was so scared.”

“I get it. I get it, Seungmin." Hyunjin speaks with that tone. Still gentle, but there's...distance now. Seungmin has to wonder if he could ever reach him again. “I just need some time to think about it, okay? I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay… okay.”

Then Hyunjin hangs up.

Nerves swirl in Seungmin’s gut. His heart, his body feels heavier. As he lays there, curled up on the couch and crying for who knows how long—hurting and bleeding his heart out for himself, for that one man, that same man who...

He has fallen in love with Hyunjin again, hasn’t he?

No.

He has never even fallen out of it, has he.

Seungmin scoffs and buries his head in his tear-soaked pillow. Hyunjin might not even talk to him ever again.

Sure, the Hyunjin right now might forgive him, but the old him definitely wouldn’t. What if Hyunjin goes back to the way he was?

With all the pain, all the hurt, all the betrayal. It's reasonable.

With all of Seungmin too, even with his heart and soul as bare as day, he's not even gonna blame Hyunjin if he were the one to be left this time in bits and pieces.

He just hopes… as sleep claims him, he hopes that everything will be okay.

He awakens, with a blanket over him, to the muffled sounds of the TV some time in the night. Then he’s busying himself with relaying Hyunjin’s diagnosis to his best friend, who’s comfortably tucked in the other love seat and munching on snacks, instead of thinking about things.

He’ll get to find it out.

Tomorrow, he hopes.

Seungmin leaves work early on Friday to go get ready for his date.

If he still has one.

He hasn’t heard from Hyunjin all day. But he’s ever so hopeful that Hyunjin will still show up. Who is Kim Seungmin if not optimistic? Yeah... he's actually not, really, but he has to holds his wits about him.

“So, what are you planning on wearing?”

“I don’t know!” Yep, he’s kind of freaking out right now. “What do you wear to your second first date with a guy who has amnesia? Who also hasn’t talked to you all day?"

“Dude, your life is crazy.”

“I know, and it was so normal a week ago.”

“Oh, be honest, sweetie, you like it.”

Seungmin throws another shirt to the bed. “Maybe you’re right. Either way, I’m here now, and you’re here too so be the best ever friend that you are and help me figure this shit out.”

Jisung laughs at his quiet curses, but surveys the closet all the same. “I should get paid for this honestly.”

“I'll buy you cheesecakes for a week.”

“Wait,” Jisung double-takes, big eyes widening comically. “Seriously?”

Seungmin glares. “Two weeks. Take it or take it, Jisung.”

“No, I mean, yes! I just meant the fact that you would even offer at this point is... But I am not complaining! You got yourself a fucking deal.”

True to his words, Jisung starts enumerating Seungmin's OOTD like a madman. Seungmin bets he has his closet memorized at the back of his hand.

“You should totally wear that black suit of yours. Then just wear a vest inside. You know, the one with a matching silk choker. Don't wear anything underneath! For your top at least. I mean, you could get kinky or—”

Seungmin throws him a pillow, but Jisung easily dodges.

“You get it, right? You can wear nothing else down there too.”

“Jisung!”

The man only hollers loudly. “Yeah, yeah. But listen, we have a deal. So wear your tight pants. The tightest one, okay? It's gonna be the perfect mix of sexy and classy. Plus it'd look totally great on a motorcycle.”

“We won’t be on a motorcycle.”

“Lame!”

Seungmin smiles despite it. “Thanks for the advice, really. Now shoo! I’m getting ready.”

“Wait, no— I'm getting paid for this, I'm gonna see it through. Lemme put some pretty glitters on your eyelids again, and— no, stop glaring, you’re not leaving this place without it!”

“You look smokin’ hot!” Jisung whistles once he’s done with the light hairstyling he too has managed to persuade Seungmin in. “Now, I’ll go to my room so I don’t disturb you lovebirds. Keep me updated, you hear me?!” Then he disappears into his own room before Seungmin can even respond.

Well… he does look good.

Only, now, he’s left with hoping his date shows up.

At 6:12 in the evening, Seungmin is still seated in the couch, legs bouncing occasionally.

He is starting to believe Hyunjin won’t really show up. He doesn’t know what happened, but maybe...

Maybe Hyunjin just doesn’t want to see him anymore.

It must be that. He can't say he didn't see it coming. He sighs and stands up, all ready to change into PJs and eat a pint of ice cream for dinner. Totally not his sulking ritual.

Just as he walks back to his room however, a knock sounds at the front door—and he almost sprints to open it.

“Hey.”

“Hyunjin.” Seungmin is practically breathless. He takes him in, sees his...unreadable expression. His heart plummets.

“Sorry I’m late. Went for a ride.” Hyunjin gestures to the driveway, and Seungmin sees the bike parked out front.

“Does that mean…”

“Yeah. Got my memories back. All of them.”

Hyunjin gives him a meaningful look, and this time Seungmin understands what he’s saying.

Maybe he always did.

“I remember us, Seungmin. All of it."

He sees Hyunjin's facade crack, exposing what's beneath, heart and soul, bare for what they really are.

And it's all for Seungmin to see and take and take.

"And I get why you didn’t tell me, but I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not hurt. And a little worried about your...intentions.”

Seungmin opens his mouth to say something, tell him— tell Hyunjin that maybe he does have something to worry about. That he still has Seungmin's heart in his hands even after all these years.

But Hyunjin holds up a palm and takes a deep breath. “Please let me finish. I remember us… but also, I remember who I was. I wasn’t a good person. I won't make excuses. And I understand if you’re worried that I might turn back.”

Seeing Hyunjin now, feeling him even when he stands an arm-length away, he thinks the Hyunjin now, the one who remembers everything is much nicer than all the Hyunjins he once knew. Seungmin doesn’t say any of this though, letting him finish.

“Seungmin, I don’t wanna be that guy anymore. And part of that means apologizing for it. And forgiving you too. So... so, if you can trust me, trust that I’ve changed,” Hyunjin gently takes both of his hands in his.

Oh.

“I'd love to make it up to you and take you on that date, baby.”

This is…it.

Everything Seungmin has wanted, right in front of him.

Seungmin tries to hold in his emotions, but he knows deeply that he can't deny him his tears. His smile. He can't deny him anything.

“Baby,” Seungmin tries, the word familiar and not, after so many years. Then he tries not to choke in tears because he can't look like a mess before his date can even start. "Of course, I’d love to go.”

And for the first time that night, Hyunjin smiles, so genuine and true, and Seungmin’s heart starts mending itself.

“How do you feel about joining me on my bike? I have an extra helmet.”

“Ohhh…um, about that,” he hesitates, but all it takes is one look at the glow, the wild passion that he’s always seen in those eyes. He sighs in defeat. He really can't deny him anything. "As long as there aren’t any pigeons.”

Hyunjin laughs fondly, kisses him on his temple, and leads him to the back of the bike, helping him on. They take off from the driveway, and all his limbs are secured around Hyunjin's.

Between the wind and the contact with Hyunjin’s body, he is flushed by the time they reach the restaurant.

“How was that?” Hyunjin asks him.

“It’s fun. Nostalgic.” It’s us.

“I’m glad.” Hyunjin takes his hand in his as he leads him into the Italian resto, not letting go until they’re seated.

“This is,” Seungmin looks around and back at him, "where we went on our first date."

“I promise this date will go much better than that one.” Hyunjin flashes him one of his charming smiles, and Seungmin has no reason not to believe him.

He teases him anyway. “So, you do remember throwing a plate of spaghetti at some unlucky guy across the restaurant?”

“Hey, I’m pretty sure he picked a fight with me first!”

Seungmin laughs. Fond and warm. “Well, promise me that you won’t throw any entree at someone, and I’ll declare this date a success.”

“Easy. Deal.”

True to his word, no entree is wasted and the date goes perfectly.

Or at least until Doctor Jung walks in just as they’re finishing their breadsticks.

“Oh God.” Seungmin mutters under his breath.

“What is it?” Hyunjin follows his gaze with a frown. “Dr. Jung? She took care of me after the accident, right? Oh—she's... she’s your mentor. The one who told you to break up with me.”

Seungmin barely manages a nod when the doctor notices him, then his date.

She is scowling as she walks over. “Kim Seungmin. What did I say about seeing someone like,” she spits with unconcealed disdain, “him?”

Hyunjin glances away, and the sight makes Seungmin’s heart ache.

He makes a choice then and there. One he should've done ages ago. 

“Dr. Jung, I know what you said. But since what you said was wildly incorrect, and frankly, inappropriate,” Seungmin still politely smiles, for good measure, but she gasps. “I chose to ignore it.”

“This will ruin you in that hospital.”

Seungmin takes a deep sigh. “If it does, so be it. I don’t want judgmental patients anyway. I’m leaving that hospital soon too. Private practice suits me much better.”

His eyes meet Hyunjin's as he says it, and he sees him looking at him with more pride than Seungmin could ever possibly comprehend.

He finally feels a bit more deserving of it.

“Now, if you’ll leave, please? I ask this with all due respect, doc. I just happen to enjoy his company much more than I am yours.”

She only looks at them with indignation, shock, and frankly, a little hint of fear, before, thankfully, stalking away. After watching her with another sigh, Seungmin turns back to Hyunjin.

“Sorry about that.”

“No. No apologies. I am so fucking proud of you. Come here.”

Seungmin has no time to even laugh at the vivid cursing because Hyunjin pulls him towards himself. Finally lays a searing kiss on Seungmin's lips that nearly has him skipping dinner altogether.

“Oh wow,” Seungmin breathes out against his mouth, equally delighted and so turned on. “I’m glad we’re finally doing this again.”

“Took us long enough to figure it out.”

Seungmin laughs and gives him another peck, savoring the easy touch. Hyunjin cradles the back of his neck, pulls him in for a harder kiss that has his blood rushing.

Seungmin leans closer towards him, armed with his best sultry smile and just one mission blaring through his mind.

“You know what,” Seungmin tries to say in between another set of mind-blowing kisses, “why don’t we just, mm, ditch dinner and head out?”

Predictably, Hyunjin’s eyes darken, and like this... he's just so easy to read after all, isn't he? Seungmin laughs as Hyunjin quickly stands up and almost stumbles pulling his wallet out and throwing some bills on the table.

“Let’s go.”

Predictably, Seungmin’s laugh over Hyunjin’s little dramatic act gets knocked out of his breath.

Their Friday night goes like this.

Hyunjin takes his hand, helps him get settled on his bike, and tears down the road in a matter of seconds as soon as they’re out. Hyunjin has always been a careful driver with Seungmin. He is even more careful now, in all the gentle ways he has always had in him but never fully embraced until now. But the pounding in his ears, all the adrenaline and blood rush, has Seungmin thinking they’re going so fast, almost like they’re barely making it under the speed limit right now.

Guess he's just as excited as me. 

Seungmin clenches his thighs a little tighter around Hyunjin's at the thought, feeling increasingly more aroused as they near Hyunjin’s house.

They pull into the driveway soon enough.

Hyunjin casts their helmets aside. Then he has Seungmin cornered against his parked bike. Seungmin leans in, clutching at Hyunjin’s jacket, at his hair, at his shoulders, at his broad back, everywhere— holding on as he kisses him and lets himself fall, fall and fall.

Hyunjin lets him lead and take until Seungmin shifts away, breathless. Then Hyunjin’s fingers tug into his hair, pulling Seungmin even closer. “My turn.”

Hyunjin starts with a light peck on his lips that quickly becomes his lips moving roughly against his. Seungmin’s hands continue to wander, this time across the thin fabric of his black shirt under the jacket, and he feels each of his shallow breaths.

Hands tighten on his hips, and Seungmin instinctively parts his thighs apart, finally relishing control as Hyunjin's touch slides lower and lower, so close yet so far to where Seungmin wants them.

His fingers leave a trail of fire all over, his lips leave Seungmin wanting more. Seungmin digs his nails into his shoulders, and Hyunjin presses him flushed against him in return, suppressing Seungmin’s needy moans with his skilled mouth.

Every part of his body is warm, so impossibly warm—

“Are we gonna go inside, or just,” Seungmin manages to utter a coherent thought, “just stand out here the whole time?”

Hyunjin chuckles, and before he knows it, Hyunjin picks him up on his ass. Like he's a damn koala to a tree and carries him easily into the house.

“Hyunjin! You’re still recovering! This is not what I meant!”

“It’s not? You're not letting go, though."

Hyunjin shifts his weight as he unlocks the door with one hand, and Seungmin only buries his face on the crook of his neck, locks his limbs around him tighter.

True, Seungmin could easily plant his feet on the ground, but Seungmin wouldn't separate his body away from him now if it kills him.

God, that strength, too.

Seungmin squirms, grinds down, and they both moan quietly.

"Princess,” Hyunjin grunts lowly, “you're gonna have to behave. If you don't want the neighbors seeing us do it right now.”

Seungmin whines. Tries his best not to chase the heat and pleasure waiting just down there. He could feel it digging, all rock hard and his to take, but he has to behave.

How cruel.

The door finally opens, and despite Seungmin’s poor attempts at ‘protesting’, Hyunjin doesn’t set him down until they reach the bedroom, where he places him on the bed.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Hyunjin whispers it in the space between them. Just for them.

Seungmin feels fuzzy.

“Me too,” he whispers back, only the two of them hearing it too. It's enough.

Hyunjin moves above him, kissing him gently—before kissing him harder, harder and hotter, hand wordlessly tangling in his hair. As if pouring all the emotions he wasn't able to say for all those time they were apart.

Seungmin’s hands twist in the sides of Hyunjin’s thick jacket, helping him take them off his shoulders, then he pulls Hyunjin’s body closer, enjoying the weight against his, mouths meeting again and again.

“I want this off,” he tugs at Hyunjin’s shirt next, pulling the hem up to reveal his chiseled abs.

Hyunjin smiles, soft and scorching, sitting up and shucking off the shirt before returning back to insatiably kiss him, his hands at their rightful place—Seungmin’s waist—and Seungmin preens.

“Only fair that yours comes off too,” Hyunjin mutters.

Seungmin lets Hyunjin pull off his top, arches his back, and then it’s all a blur of kisses and nips and sweet nothings. Until he’s left feeling the contrast between the cold night air and Hyunjin’s warm touches, warm everything.

“You’re so beautiful, Seungmin.”

Seungmin feels himself clenching involuntarily, heat swelling at his core as Hyunjin presses wet, open-mouthed kisses all over his exposed skin, his neck, his pulse, his nipple—

“God, Hyunjin…”

Hyunjin sucks on it even as he carefully moves lower, his hands leaving scorching paths on Seungmin’s body, pulling his underwear down.

Like a routine, it feels familiar. And yet, after all these years, it’s different. 

Intoxicating and exhilarating all the same.

Seungmin moans as he feels the wet, insistent licks, Hyunjin focusing his kisses on his sensitive rim, igniting pleasure at his core. Seungmin’s hands twist in the sheets as more tension builds and builds in his stomach, and he's already drooling.

“Aah– Hyunji-n—”

Another well-placed suck and kiss and curve of fingers has his legs twisting, has him climbing towards the edge. He doesn’t reach it, not yet. Not when Hyunjin stops and stands and pulls off his own pants and frees himself, reaching again for the lube somewhere on their bed.

“Hngh, ah… please...”

“Are you sure you want this?” Despite it all, Hyunjin still asks him, gentle but serious.

Yes, yes, yes, he breathes out. Nearly pleads and whimpers.

Just for you. Seungmin would do it if he asks him to, would do anything, just for him to finally do something.

Hyunjin smiles, all fond and hot, as he tears open the condom and rolls it over his hard length. He comes back to him, hovering above him and kissing him again, drawing out the tension. Seungmin keens in return, whines, impatiently seeks for the lube around him and takes it upon himself to spread it all over Hyunjin’s length generously.

“Hyunjin, please,” he cries, he has missed Hyunjin so, so damn much, please—

Hyunjin finally gives in, positions himself, and slowly, slowly pushes into him, Seungmin’s body stretching to accommodate him.

Hyunjin…

Only ever Hyunjin.

He moans helplessly as Hyunjin sheathes himself all the way in, eyes locking into his as Seungmin’s hands tangle in his hair.

"You feel so good, baby...” Hyunjin whispers it on his skin, along with the many, many kisses and praises and marks, all for Seungminnie, burns and imprints them everywhere for him to remember. To remember each other’s body like the back of their hand, but also not. To know how what they have now is different but also infinitely better. How this is— so good— God…

"So tight, all for me, right? All mine."

Seungmin babbles something, like a yes, yes, all for you— but he doesn't even hear himself above their filthy, wet noises. He diligently clenches his walls as he feels him moving, in and out. In, out. Feels every ridge and every vein, so slow and so deep. Hyunjin runs his hands along the sides of his body passionately, as though savoring the touch, the warmth, and Seungmin feels him and it's too much and I want more and I want him to feel this good too and—

Hyunjin starts fucking him harder and deeper, faster, until it’s all Seungmin knows, and tension builds and builds once again. His fingers dig into Hyunjin’s back. He wants his nail marks to stay there forever.

“Hyunjin— ah, mm–” he sobs, and Hyunjin, his Hyunjin, leans down, kisses him roughly, muffling the sound of his moans and pants. He’s close. He’s so close—-

“Come for me, baby.”

That’s what takes Seungmin jumping over the edge, arching his back until he’s impossibly pressed against Hyunjin's body and Hyunjin’s name is rolling breathlessly on his lips.

“Fuck… So hot, Seungmin…”

Seungmin vaguely registers it, the muscles in Hyunjin’s back going rigid when Hyunjin follows him, a fine sheen of sweat coating their bodies. But he feels it all down there, as throbs and thumps, beats and spurts, all for him.

They stay pressed and close for a moment, relishing in the warmth and sensations.

He whines softly when Hyunjin rolls out and off of him, wanting him to stay inside, to stay like that. But Hyunjin has him drinking water, cleans him with tissues he got from somewhere in the room, and gently pulls Seungmin onto his chest, wiping off his almost dried tears, both of them still breathing heavily.

This is definitely always better. Hyunjin knows him so well.

“That was incredible,” Hyunjin murmurs against him.

Seungmin hums drowsily. “It really was.” It's so cozy. “All of this has been incredible…” Seungmin slurs against skin. “I’m so glad.”

He’s so glad he gets to feel like this with him again.

Once again. Hopefully one of many, and more, in the future.

The arm around him tightens just a little, as if hearing and sharing his unsaid thoughts.

“Me too,” Hyunjin kisses the top of his head, and Seungmin positively melts into him. "And this time, I’m not gonna let you go.”

As if Seungmin would have it any other way.

(“—You know,” Hyunjin argues one day, “it’s like, fate bringing us together again and—” 

“Hyunjin… no, we're still not keeping any pet pigeons. We already have Kkami.” Seungmin sighs. “Plus, isn’t it illegal.”

“I know you’ll find a way to cheat the system.”

Hyunjin has no right to place his full trust in Seungmin in something like committing a potential crime.

Seungmin does find a way.

“His name is Daengmo. I’m the one who names him, Hyunjin. Take it or take it.”)

fin.