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“Sunghoon Hyung, Can I borrow your sweater?” I inform and go to his closet.
He just nods at me and gives me a side eye glance. “You kid, why bother asking huh?” He tried to be serious yet he fails. As if I’m not giving back it back to him.
“I’m not asking, I’m just informing you.” I chuckled and slips to the comfy sweater.
We’re currently at the dorm. Our dance practice for today, has been finished just an hour ago, and we’re currently in turns of whose going for shower. The dance for our comeback is very complicated and uses a lot of stamina. That’s why I am so exhausted right now. My body feels heavy and tired.
Letting out a sigh, I straddled towards our shared bedrooms. Ugh, I just want to sleep. Turning off the lights, I headed towards my bunk bed.
Suddenly, my heart starts to hurt. It typically happens to me, sometimes, when I’m tired. But, it hurts more this time. I deeply inhaled to ease the pain. ‘Sunoo, it’s alright, just a typical chest pain. You can endure it.’ Chanting it to himself as if it is the medicine he needs to ease the pain.
I don’t know what’s happening to me. I placed my hand to my chest as I grip my shirt. It hurts so bad. My heart, it is like someone’s clenching on it.
My tears fell, as I shrink my self to the bed. Why does it hurt again? I prevent my self from sobbing. I don’t want my members to worry.
I can’t breathe. I sit down and make myself breath comfortably. Inhale, exhale. Closing my eyes and concentrating on breathing. I let out a sob. It’s so hard. I just want to breathe. Curse this heart.
I’m tired. Is my anxiety kicking in right now, seriously? I patted my chest. Ugh.
I stand up, and walk towards our bedroom’s door. While walking, I staggered to nothing, shit happen always. So dumb Sunoo. I sighed and sob, As I am opening the door, Jungwon suddenly comes in.
“Hyung? What’s happening, why are you crying?”
I grip the hem of my shirt, and a hurting frown forms on my face.
“Wonie, my, my chest hurts and I can’t b-breathe.” I don’t know if he can comprehend what I’m saying. Catching my breath is very hard right now. I closed my eyes and deeply inhaled.
“I’m sorry can you p-please step aside? I’m going to bath r-room.”
He grips my hand and pulls me to the living room.
“Hyung, let’s go to Jay hyung. I know he can help you.”
“Wonie, I-I’m getting my m-meds.” I’m trying to get my hands off him, but he’s strong. I can’t let others to know I’m hurting. I don’t want to be a burden again.
But he doesn’t even listen to me. I see the members being new clothed and just doing their hobbies now.
When the others see me, they immediately go to me and ask what’s wrong. Wonie answers,
“Hyung, he’s having anxiety attack again”
Jay hyung, takes me to the sofa and he pats my back.
“Riki, go get the oxygen tank there.” Jay hyung commands as he guides me to breathe properly.
“Ugh, I’m s-sorry, I’m s-sorry!” I can’t help but to cry, I can’t breathe and I’m making myself a burden to members again.
Riki just nod and goes to the kitchen. Jake hyung gets a pillow. Heeseung Hyung is on the other side of the sofa looking nervous, and Jungwon helps me to breathe properly.
“Sunoo hyung, Calm down please!” Jungwon convinces me.
Jake hyung places the pillow behind my head. I think, I look like a mess right now. Riki gives the oxygen tank to Jay hyung and he attached the mask on it.
Jay hyung helps me putting on the oxygen mask. “okay, Sunoo-yah, breath in, breath out. 1,2,3 Again, Breath in, breath out.”
He calmly repeats as he gently pats my head.
Series of gasps comes out from me. I can’t breathe properly, and I can’t help but feel sorry again.
“I’m sorry, I d-don’t want this to happen.” As if my life depends on the mask, I breathe to it endlessly.
Sunghoon hyung pats my head gently.
“Sunoo, what are you sorry for? Just like you said you don’t want that to happen. It’s not your choice. Ease your mind and breath properly, alright?”
“Yeah, Ddeonu, It’s not your fault. So please be okay, hmm?” Heeseung hyung added
“O-okay, Thank you.” I follow the breathing exercise, until my breath stabilizes.
My eyes suddenly feels heavy and my limbs relaxes. I deeply inhaled. Jake hyung wipes my face, and makes me drink water.
“Are you sleepy now hyung?” Riki asked. Probably, notices that I’m sleepy.
“Yes, can I go to my bed?” I whispered. I just felt tired.
“How about we sleep here in the living room tonight? To make you at ease?” Jake hyung suggests. He suddenly run towards our bedrooms and take all the comforters and the two spare queen size bed mats. Sunghoon hyung helps him, of course.
“Why bother asking Jake? You just run and take all the stuffs.” Jay Jokingly interjects.
“Hey! I know you’ll agree to--” Jake hyung whines. He’s so cute. But please don’t tell him, he will sulk for many hours, If he knows I said that.
The 2Js are bickering and Sunghoon hyung laughs at them, probably finding them like children fighting for a toy.
“Hyungs, Stoooop! Okay, let’s get the beds arranged and sleep. I feel sleepy too!” Jungwon stops our bickering hyungs, perks of being a leader. The 02z just laugh and help the others to arrange, I want to arrange my bed too. But my body says no.
The made bed is so inviting, as I am going to lay down. Riki tackled me in the bed. Ugh this kid. “Hyung let’s sleep now.” He cutely said.
Heeseung hyung helps me and Riki to tuck our blanket.
“Thank you guys, Saranghae.” I whispered but I know they can hear it.
I heard some laughs and cooing. I know they find me cute. Because I’m the cutest. Hehe.
“Nado, Sunoo-yah.” Heeseung Hyung said as he hugs me from my back.
That night we sleep soundly. I guess this day was not bad at all.