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What would come after he died?
That was a question Izuku has asked himself maybe too many times.
Still he was curious, while he didn't really believe in a certain afterlife, it was all still very possible. Nobody knew what came after death. One of the few secrets humanity had no way of finding out. Would he like to find out? Sure, why not. Was he aware that finding out, what comes after death, actually contains dying? Yes, you could say that.
To tell the truth, Izuku was maybe a little to prepared for death. He was aware that this mindset was not the best combination with his career choice, but there was nothing he could do about it now. Alright, maybe there was something eh could have done about it before choosing to go to a hero school. It wasn't like this whole mindset, this whole 'being ready to dye at every moment' thing was a recent development. Just look at his previous life, does it seem like a person can go through all of that and come out with a healthy mindset surrounding death?
So now Izuku just has to battle all of the villain attacks on his class, his everyday life and his classes, where he was supposed to be a good student and get good grades, all while deep down being convinced that life was truly meaningless. This was of course not very great fun.
He often asked himself why he should even do anything at all. Nobody is going to remember him anyways. What difference would it make if he did or didn’t do this one assignment for Snipe’s class? As if anyone actually cared. Of course, Izuku recognised problems with this attitude, he knew that he was not supposed to just throw his life away. He only had this one chance at living after all.
The thing was though, he just couldn’t bring himself to care, after all nobody, apart from maybe his mom, cared about this in his previous schools. As soon as he was diagnosed as quirkless all the adults in his life were basically convinced, that he would just end up in a ditch somewhere. And when all the people surrounding you seem to believe that your life is worth nothing , that you are just a pebble in their way to success, you are going to adopt this belief sooner or later.
Izuku kind of felt like he was falling in this thought-spiral lately. Maybe it showed in class or in training, he did not actually know. All he could think about were these seemingly very important questions, that meant absolutely nothing at the same time. Why was he even trying in school at all, when all he was going to do was fail after all that effort? Why would he even try when all this shit was meaningless after all? What was it, that was making him feel this way? Nobody even cared, so what if he failed school? What if he started to fall into this hole of self-destruction? Why should he care?
Maybe his grades really started dropping lately, otherwise he couldn’t explain to himself why Aizawa-Sensei wanted to talk to him after class today. It did not help that all his friends started looking at him as soon as Aizawa-Sensei announced, that Izuku would have to stay after class. This was making him kind of really nervous.
He just told his friends that they shouldn’t wait for him, and that they could already go to lunch without him. He was getting really nervous now, and did not want to talk more than necessary. He sometimes got in these moods, where he just did not want to talk, he considered himself very lucky that all his friends understood that, and wouldn’t try to talk to him anyways.
“Midoriya, I noticed your performance in class dropping. Is something the matter you want to talk about?”, Aizawa-Sensei talking so suddenly pulled Izuku from his thoughts.
“Ah- Sensei uhm- I promise it’s really nothing you have to worry about.”, and he meant it too. Izuku sometimes just got in these moods, where everything felt meaningless, for a few weeks. He mostly knew how to deal with this, after a while he would just feel normal again, and everything would be all right.
“I really just want you to know, that you can tell me if there is something bothering you. I promise you everything you tell me is going to stay between us as long as I don’t think you are a danger to yourself or others.”, it seemed like this was really important to Aizawa-Sensei.
“Oh you know, it’s kind of silly- “, Izuku really did not feel like talking about all this now. But on the other hand, he also realised that he should probably be using this opportunity.
“I’m sure it’s not silly if it’s bothering you in any way.”, huh this was new. Izuku was kind of convinced that Aizawa-Sensei was actually the first adult who really cared about his wellbeing. Sometimes not even his mother was this patient with him.
“Well you know- Lately it just kind of felt like everything was sort of unimportant”, Izuku made a short pause at this point to kind of collect his thoughts, “I’ve just been asking myself why I should even try when we are all going to die anyways. Nobody is going to remember me, or what I did, in the future”, wow he really was going all out today huh? Izuku wasn’t sure if he ever really opened up this much in such a short amount of time before.
It seemed like Aizawa-Sensei needed a moment to think about what he was going to say next. Izuku could not fault him for that, he also often needed time to think of right responses to things.
“While it might seem that way to you, I can assure you that life is not meaningless. Even if it might not have a certain meaning to you at this moment in time, just try to create your own. Of course there are always going to be moment when you are not sure why you are putting so much effort into things nobody is going to remember, but please consider, that the people who witness you pouring so much of yourself in this dream of yours to become a hero, or even in other things you are passionate about like your analysis, are going to remember,” Izuku was just staring out of the window trying to comprehend everything Aizawa-Sensei told him.
“Maybe consider, that while it may feel like the things you do are kind of meaningless, they could still mean very much to other people or even give other people meaning in their life. Maybe in the future some kid will hear about your story and think that if you can become a hero they can too. Maybe this kid is getting bullied in school, or they are just not doing so great at the moment, you could be an inspiration to them.” It seemed like Aizawa-Sensei needed a minute to breathe. The classroom was engulphed in silence for a moment. Izuku was still staring out of the window, and Aizawa-Sensei was just kind of looking around, maybe thinking of more things he could say.
“Just know even if you feel like people in the future won’t remember, you should still be careful because right now people care a lot”, At this point Izuku noticed a tear running down his cheek. Aizawa-Sensei finished talking and took a few steps, so he was standing next to Izuku.
Aizawa-Sensei must have noticed Izuku crying by now, he must think that Izuku is a cry-baby, just crying at every little thing, never being able to keep his emotions in control. At this moment Izuku felt a consoling hand just kind of patting his shoulder. This was the point where he just started really heavily crying, a quiet sob escaped his mouth. This was so embarrassing.
It seemed like Aizawa-Sensei did not mind though. He just tried to calm him down by laying a hand on his shoulder, offering a grounding touch. And while Izuku may regret this later -and die of embarrassment- that all did not matter to him in this moment. He just threw himself in Aizawa-Sensei’s arms and enjoyed his strong hug.